Archive | September 2012

Day 148: Babies having Babies


Florida teen, 14, charged with first degree murder

A 14 year old Florida teen, is charged with first degree murder after she gives birth in the family bathroom – strangles her 9 1/2 pound baby boy and hides his body in a shoe box that she dumps in the bottom of her closet and covers it with dirty laundry. Her mother finds the baby days later cleaning her daughters closet and claims she never even knew her daughter was pregnant – even though her closest friends had questioned her the entire summer as to why her daughter was gaining weight.

Everything about this story screams out to us as a humanity to ask ourselves what the hell are we accepting and allowing when the world we exist in continues to FAIL our children.

How much more suffering will it take before we each one stand up and take responsibility for the fact that we have failed to communicate, educate or even behave in a humane manner to each other and the children we claim to be raising.

Generation after generation, children are becoming the fear product of who we are as parents running around trying to make it within a money system that thrives on competition and greed, and the fact remains, the children are the ones that suffer. It’s time we all took responsibility for these crimes against life that are occuring daily.

The majority of us, we bow down to the ‘rich and famous’. Hell, we pay their salary and dream of becoming them as we sleep walk through our enslaved lives. All the while barely paying any attention to the children we’re bringing into this mess we refer to as life.

Can you imagine being a baby born into our current world/money system to the likes of us as the parents we’ve become. Supporters of our own Enslavement

That’s the Hell of it, it’s what is happening…

Support the Solution: Equal Money

Day 147: I Can Do This

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Day 146: Family Unfair

I commit myself to when and as I see myself begin to go into shut down inside myself, where in that moment I realize within my mind that I have no control over who, what or how my step dad is with regards to what and how he believes/exists as, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to stop who I become in fear to/towards him as I slow myself down and remind myself of what I know in that, I see, realize and understand that our world requires direction as it cannot and will not be able to continue as it is with the multitude of abuse and suffering that is increasing daily. Thus, I realize that we can longer deny the ignorance of sitting in silence believing in a hero or a God to fix the mess that we’re All responsible for, nor can we deny that money is the weapon we use against each other which keeps us enslaved and imprisoned within our mind of/as hate, greed, competition, war and spite, because as that, we are manifesting our own demise, therefore, I commit myself to standing up as one voice and one vote for an Equal Money system, because with Equal Money, I know for sure that the systems of this world will be redesigned according to what’s best for all, and within that, the proper nourishment for our physical bodies and our physical reality will receive the direction that is greatly required to create Heaven on Earth. Thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as reactions and fear when speaking to my step dad and instead,  I commit myself to walking the self-correction of who I am in self-honesty until I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the sins of the fathers, and mothers, to thus stop existing as a parent with fear which influence and stifles the child where the child will live a life of more fear, to instead apply what I see is common sense in who I am in self-honesty.

I commit myself to realizing that directing myself to speak without reactions and to speak in a stable manner will take practice because I see, realize and understand that I have never known any other way of living, therefore I commit myself to breathing and remaining patient with myself in continuing to write, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that I leave no room for excuses to not commit myself to practice changing.

Day 146: Family Unfair

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Investigating myself further after having heard: Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 3 from Eqafe – which I highly recommend hearing the entire ongoing series of – I’ve realized how, in regards to who I become around my step dad, is much more than just the ‘character of defeat’. When in fact it’s multiple different personalities and characters that I take on and become through and as fear.  Thus, as I take on the points I will be continuing here with self-forgiveness and statements of self-commitment.

Self-forgiveness
Fear Dimension cont.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as my mind utilize fear as control where within my mind physical reality I manipulated myself in believing that I was treated unfair, rejected within my family, how when I realized that I cannot control who my step dad is in relationship to how I want him to ‘feel’ and ‘act’ towards me, then within and as my mind I become fearful, thus, I utilize anger, negativity, comparison and or justifications as the ways and means that I accept and allow myself to further manipulate myself where I remain in fear of and thus submit myself to self-abuse according to how and what he lives as and believes in, thus, I exist the same in which I remain stuck within the point, which I see, realize and understand isn’t real, yet in fear of not being what I perceive he wants me to be, I never actually walk the point of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain preconditioned and preprogrammed through fear according to my mind perception of losing control.

Thought and Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought as an image/picture to automatically come up within my conscious mind of/as me when I was a child, in how as I was sitting and looking out my bedroom window, I would accept and allow one thought/image/picture to come forth from within me automatically over and over within a desire to be ‘the special one’ of my step dad’s children, and how I defined my relationship to myself according to how I used that single thought/image/picture to make myself feel special and loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed one thought/image/picture to completely become me where I completely ignored who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind imagine that I am walking tall through my house feeling comfortable and stable when in reality I was physically curled up like a ball in my bed in feelings of loneliness.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I accepted and allowed myself to through fear utilize hope in seeing/believing that my step dad was a God in the sense that I idolized the idea of him while I blamed him for every fear I held within me when in fact he was not to blame for it was only me that I have always feared facing.

Backchat and Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I held myself in polarity within my mind physical body in spite as backchat towards my step dad of: “he’s so mean” yet within me I secretly desired to be the single point of his affection because I believed that receiving that would somehow validate me as a daughter.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifested experiences of myself as feeling ashamed of myself through repeating negative and/or positive thought patterns over and over within and as my mind in how I told myself that I shouldn’t ‘feel’ rejected when I didn’t receive his attention and then ‘feeling’ over stimulated when I did, and within that not realizing that for every positive outcome there will be a negative, thus always existing in polarity.

PHYSICAL Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressure in the upper to middle area of my back when I resist and suppress voicing me in self-honesty, where within the perception of and as who I am as my quantum mind, I fear loss of control, thus physically feel as if I’m sitting in a pressure cooker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my face and ears to become flushed with heat within the discharge of a massive amount of energy due to inner conflict/friction that has through time built up through and as a personality that I accept and allow myself to be and become in fear of standing in self-honesty in the face of my step dad.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to not stand in self-honesty where I then feel guilt and condemnation towards myself because I realize how I allowed fear in abdicating myself from life as myself, thus continuing to support our abusive world/money systems.

to be continued

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

For context Please read: Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Fear Dimension/Self-Defeat – Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a variety of spectators/characters/personalities, as if I’ve been living on the outside of myself in fear of looking in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I comfort who I am as my mind through certain experiences like when I’m talking with my step dad and using memories as emotional and feeling ‘conversational pieces’ similar to how we feel when we eat certain things which we refer to as ‘comfort food’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear of who I am within a perception of love as a safety net within and as my mind where I am bound by and live as an imprinted version of/as the mind of my parents which I have accepted myself to be since the moment I was born as that which I believed I needed, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing who I really am within what I have allowed because I accepted the belief that I was to weak and emotionally too close for comfort to face and stop who I am as an imprinted illusion of myself of/as those who have gone before me, thus, for my entire life experience I have grown dependent upon energetic memories and/or experiences of myself which create a false sense of comfort as emotions and feelings – which I see, realize and understand in self-honesty, is how me as my mind doesn’t want to give up the illusion, thus how the famiLIE construct assures that I will never take self-responsibility for how, who and what I have accepted and allowed in how our world exists and how within the illusion of/as memories/characters and personalities of and as my mind I continue to support a world/money system which supports the abuse we together as a humanity manifest/create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing the role that money plays in relation to what I will accept and allow and behave as within the dynamics of the family relationship/construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as money and how  I use money to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as the core point in how I manipulate myself and others in my attempt to behave and experience myself as happy and in control when always money is the underlying lie motivating an illusion of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed a separate illusion named ‘God’ to comfort me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as a religious belief which I’ve used it to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to a man to fulfill in me that which I believed I had to have as CONfidence in order to understand who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become dependent upon the one idea that I believed would pull me through and give me ‘the strength to carry on when nothing else would’, which was to have and be received by/through the ‘love of a father’.

 

to be continued…

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Every couple of months or so I talk on the phone to my stepdad and every time the conversation is over, I realize how once again I’ve not walked through in self-corrective application a repeating pattern of my mind which I allow myself to be directed as and become. Interestingly enough, I became aware of myself as a character of/as my mind that I applied self-forgiveness for in my last blog: Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat.

There are various dimensions of the role as the ‘character of defeat’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, thus,  I commit myself to walk the dimensions through in/as self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to Stop who I become as a ‘character of defeat’.

My stepdad is the man who raised me, and is the only living member left of what was my immediate family for most of my life, and, that is a tie that binds. So, today, when I realized I was stepping into the role of/as a ‘character of defeat’, I stopped and remained silently aware of myself breathing, and I realized some important points.

For instance, I saw how me as my mind finds it comforting to talk to him. That’s surprising, but yet, it’s not really, because when him and I talk on the phone, we still talk to each other as if my mom and my brother and sister were on the line with us.

Much if not all of our conversation is woven between mutual memories of our long time/lost family members.

One of the things that we talked about toward the end of the conversation was how hard it is to believe that it’s been a year since my sister died. He said how he had talked to my sisters 14 year old daughter, and how she was upset by the ‘one year anniversary’ of her mom’s passing. He then began to share with me how he was able to comfort her by reminding her that if she’ll just keep herself in church and close to God, then someday, she’ll get to see her mom again. He said how, her hearing him share that, was what made her ‘feel’ better.

That was a crucifying point for me because nothing about that makes sense to me anymore, and, I certainly don’t ‘feel’ better for having heard it.  I see, realize and understand how if something makes us ‘feel better’, we can be sure it is of our mind as consciousness and that it’s a lie that has always been one.  It was at that point that all comfort left me as my physical body, and thankfully, I immediately began to have pain in my upper back – which was a point of support for/as me as my physical body, to assure that I am here breathing and paying attention to what I’m accepting and allowing. Yet, I could say nothing. The only thing about myself that I trusted in that moment was breathing.

I saw how in and as the ‘character of defeat’ I am evil and I am fearful. I feared standing up for what I know and directing myself in self-honesty. I feared upsetting and ultimately pissing off and losing the father/man/relationship that I’ve become dependent upon in keeping together a family construct within patterns and characters/personalities of and as my mind. Thus, I will be continuing in my next blog with further self-forgiveness for the role I play as a ‘character of defeat’ within the family construct.

Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat

The past couple of weeks I’ve not been able to spend much time with my two year old granddaughter Emmeline.  So I really enjoyed being with her today.  Children are quick to learn how to adapt and survive and her newest and seemingly favorite new words, which she’s learned at her new daycare with other children who are close to her age, are: “are you done with it”, “it’s my turn”.  When I heard her, immediately I saw how from within myself came forth a character of defeat.  Where in that moment,  I realized how socialization takes hold of us until finally, we’re walking the patterns of and as our mind, enslaved to a money system, punching a time clock and waiting and hoping it’ll soon be ‘our turn’ at life. Here I will begin walking self-forgiveness and self-correction for who I am within the patterns I saw coming forth today to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed. Beginning here with the role I became aware of first as a ‘character of defeat’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am acting as the character of/as my mind in/as defeat, that I create a point of resistance to/towards others within a point of self sabotage where I become short in how I speak and direct myself to/towards them and then justify my actions by blaming them instead of realizing how I am actually avoiding taking self-responsibility within a fear of failing, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve become in/as defeat and instead I breathe in realizing that when I blame I am avoiding taking responsibility for myself for who I am in self-honesty as life, to actually walk the point through in self-corrected application as a living example of the kind of change required whereas all living beings will exist here together equally in allways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that generate energy between me and another such as: ‘they’re not hearing me so what’s the use’, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I access my own point of view in my head by participating in such thoughts, that I am not remaining here within this moment and am in fact giving in to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness – instead of breathing and directing myself within the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I go into my head to hopelessness and then to that of seeking power – where I see myself as more than others within and as a humanity where we’ve not seen, realized or understood how we as parents/adults hold the key to how and what is experienced as life on earth and in how we continue to raise the children of this world to be just like us, full of traditions and enslaved to and as a world/money system where nothing ever actually changes, thus, I commit myself to stop going into my head to hopelessness in seeking power of myself as more than others, and instead,  I commit myself to investigate and educate myself in how and what it is that continues to support our world/money systems, to thus redesign them according to and as a system which will support all life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through family traditions carry on supporting our current world/money systems without questioning what it is that I’m actually giving consent for such as the gross negligence to and toward the majority of life here on earth whereas when one doesn’t have money, their life is accepted and allowed to be neglected, abused and exposed to war and murder, and, in how we allow other living beings to starve to death daily within a world where only if one has money is everything and anything possible, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as family traditions and to question what I’ve accepted and allowed and given consent to/for within and as our world/money system, to thus commit myself to a world where neglect and abuse to life is stopped, and instead, All living beings are supported from birth to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world within a belief that it can’t be done, because I fear how life has turned into a way station for abuse and death to and as life, thus, I’d given up on understanding the actual process in that, we each one must change ourselves from within,  thus, I commit myself to change me first as a living example in order to assist in changing the world according to that which is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind who fears failing, to become physical heavy within myself, wherein I see myself and others as myself as defeated within a belief, assumption, idea and/or perception that I cannot be or become anything else or more than what I believe of myself as what I have defined myself to be as an accepted and allowed act of self-defeat, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as a character of defeat, wherein I have only imagined what might have been instead of seeing, realizing, understanding and thus standing on my own two feet and walking in the shoes of another in support of and as a world where every living being is realized as equal to and one with/as each other as life.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how through my words, the tone of my voice and the movements of me as my physical body, I am responsible for, and I am the teacher of the child who stands before me – for who they’ll become and what they’ll accept and allow to exist within our world, thus, I commit myself to breathe and direct myself within every moment to remain here and participate in giving to others as that which I wish to receive as a Life of Equality.

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.