Archive | August 2013

Day 253: While I was Sleeping…

While I was sleeping the other night I had this dream, it had my mom in it. My mom passed away almost 11 years ago and after doing a Mother-Daughter Mind Construct through Desteni I Process some 2 years ago, I’ve not dreamt about her since. So this was interesting to have this dream because I rarely dream and so when I do, I’ve been able to use it to assist myself in my process. This particular dream assisted me to realize something while I was sleeping. Here‘s how:

In my dream, me and my mom were looking at stuffed animals, specifically stuffed animals that could electronically move which caused them to be especially ‘life like’. Now, when my mom was alive, she didn’t really care about owning a Real-Life dog or a cat, but she loved buying the toy like stuffed animals and would place them throughout her entire house.

It’s strange to look at this point with the memories of myself back then. I mean, at the time I was in love with how she collected so many knick-knacks, like stuffed animals and such. She created an environment that represented coziness and comfort for me within my mind. This was how I experienced myself in my dream,  I was Witness to how I was being comforted by my mom’s spending habits!  Comforted by the ‘things’ my mom collected. Her ‘pretty’s’ as she called them. For me, her collections, was like having one’s own game of thrones.

I saw how when I would walk into her house, I felt like the world wasn’t gonna eat me alive. I felt safe within the ‘idea in my mind‘ that ‘this is my mom’s house’, my home, and no matter how much I screw up/ fall, mom will always be here to pick up the pieces for me – to show me the way. As that, I didn’t know the first thing about taking responsibility for myself much less take responsibility for how our World exists.  When I investigate the ‘real’ relationship my mom and I had, it wasn’t anything like what my mind would have had me believe.

The reality was, my mom and I simply existed in personality designs as mother vs daughter. As we both got older, we found our place in each other through what we were both willing to accept and allow of ourselves  – the kind of acceptance where you hide within pretty words and pretty ideas, never looking deeper because you fear what you might see.  Our relationship had become a series of sweeping reality under the rug so to speak.  Never confronting the Reality of ourself and our world.  So for me this dream was All about showing me to myself and it was quite humbling,  because Everything about it was for me to see as an example of what it’s time to Let Go of.

Artwork By: Maya Harel
Equalmoney33Now this dream came about 10 days after Bernard Poolman‘s passing and it’s interesting because my relationship with Bernard had the obvious thing in common to the relationship I had with my mom in that, it brought me great comfort. Comfort in knowing Bernard Poolman was here and could always be depended upon.  I’d rather say that I didn’t make Bernard out to be a God, but, I kinda did.  I mean, he was the finest example of what a Human being can be as anyone I’ve ever been acquainted with.

So, to be clear, what I’m trying to say is, I see, realize and understand that there’s much to do here within our World. That what must be done here to make Life acceptable is more than any one human alone can accomplish. The fact is, it’s going to take us All to sort out all that we’ve accepted and allowed as what and how our World currently exist. I mean, thousands of children are starving daily and all we can think to do is to keep giving people tons of money to entertain us. That doesn’t make sense that a few should have everything while the majority have little to nothing.

This is what I realized while I was sleeping, that it’s time to Stand Responsible for the Relationship we have with Ourself and Each other.   To Stop living on time as emotions and feelings and reactions.  To Stop looking for Gods and Start Manifesting Heaven on Earth.

It’s time to support each other within the realization that this is our purpose for being here.  To come together and make sure Everyone has Everything they require for a Life of Dignity – that they’re able to Practically care for their Physical body and this Physical Reality.

We’ve got to Give to Humanity the Solution of What’s best for All and Replace our current Money System.

Let’s get it done…

************

“I commit myself to show that when the starting point is life equally respected in each other, the fundamental premise to give so that you may receive is immediately grasped to such an extent that irrational fear evaporates.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to restore the common sense trust in the physical reality that is the giver of life, to restore order in an irrational , illusory world of consciousness.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to demonstrate the oneness interdependency between all parts of the physical realm that together form the body that is life through which we have been destroying the Earth, and our life will end and therefore we cannot continue to live as if we are separate of the real reality without permanent consequence.” Bernard Poolman

************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Advertisements

Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that changing me will not be enough to change the world as it will require the change of everyone, and that if I allow others to not walk the process to life, I submit my life to be imprisoned to their self-interest. Therefore, for my own freedom from abuse I must take self-responsibility automatically for every other human – in their face – until they realize that I will not accept them as my prison warden, and that I will not be their prisoner. I will set me as life free, no matter what it takes.” Bernard Poolman

I re-read this particular self forgiveness written by Bernard Poolman today,  and it dawned on me how I’ve been making my process so much harder for myself. I’ll share an experience that I recently had with one of my children to give an example of how I began to see this.

I was standing there talking with my oldest daughter, one on one, face to face. And, I began to realize how I was having difficulty looking her in the eye as we spoke to each other. I could barely do it. Why not?

confessions of a mom

Asking myself that question is when I began to see myself as this mom/personAlity.  It’s who I become when I’m with her.

God,  as I saw myself, all I could do was stand there and focus on my breath.

Focused on my breathing, I was able to see her in her eyes rather than judge her through the mirrors of my eyes/mind.  I saw in that moment that it was me I was actually judging even as I ‘thought’ I was judging her.

It was then that I realized I was seeing the epitome of my self, like a condensed version of myself and honestly, I didn’t want to see.  No wonder I couldn’t look her in the eye…

I didn’t want to look close enough to see me,  the Self interest I was existing in/as. I didn’t want to see the reflection in the pit of me as what I’ve accepted and allowed in not taking responsibility for myself/my relationships and for the shit storm our world is existing in.  It is not easy to see, to understand how all this has come about, but it’s necessary for me to face because ‘We’ as the World, We’re in serious trouble.

I began to see this as I stood there, and I realized that the very nature of who I’ve been as an automated version/personality of myself, according to who I have believed that I’m supposed to be when I’m around my daughter, my children, it’s not only become extremely uncomfortable for me physically – to try and be that –  it’s also, well, it’s absolutely dishonest and unpractical in every single way.

I see more clearly now than ever before that it’s time for me to put into Action my taking Responsibility for myself, taking responsibility for my Relationships, as well as taking Responsibility for how our current World/Money system exists.  Because the fact is,  I realize that I have Changed within myself thus, I must put that Change into action as who I am Supporting a World according to what’s best for All.

I am No longer willing to accept such a personality/automated character of myself as that which I become in the presence of my daughter/ my children/ my world, because I see, realize and understand with immense clarity that doing so presents absolutely no practical support for myself, for my children, nor for All Life in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be what my child wants me to be and how that fear in itself is the result of my own dishonest behaviors, things I did, who I became in my search for an ‘idea’ about myself.

I commit myself to Stop the search for myself because it’s all been based on an idea within my mind when the fact is the search ends here as I am not lost, I am Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I judge in others as the values they give to how they look and how they act is actually  reflections of/as that which I have placed value in/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming self responsible means that I cannot expect anything less than to give unto All unconditionally that which I myself would want given to me.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that within me I have changed thus I must now walk as the self corrective action to re-design myself in support of life giving to another as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to Not hold this against myself, to give myself the opportunity to change, to see, realize and understand that who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become will require strict self correction and self direction with a commitment to self that I am willing and able to provide for myself,  so that I will become self supportive of life itself,  beginning first with taking self responsibility for what I accept and allow myself to be in every moment, breath by breath.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I have the tools, tools that I accepted as the tools for/as Life some time ago through Desteni and Bernard Poolman,  tools that I committed myself to as I walk my Journey to Life, thus, I re-commit myself to apply such tools practically in every moment and to never forget who I am as living Responsible for myself according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to set me as life free, no matter what it takes, breath by breath.

**********

“I commit myself to be the parent I must be with my children, so that they will result in the living flesh that is freely life in expression here on Earth.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to walk the time that is required to delete through self-forgiveness from my flesh the abuse that I have allowed the living flesh to become, and then to re-birth myself and gift to my flesh Life, as what is best for all Life, as the living participant, till this is done. Clearly stable, trustworthy, effective, and it results in a world changed to in every way reflect that which is best for all life.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to prepare the way before all children to be that of life by confronting the accepted foundation as parenting of the world system as it reflects in education, religion, government, and all other systems that protect the current abusive parental system until parenting is in fact that which guarantee that in every way every child will always be educated to be that which is best for all life, and through this we will guarantee a world that is best for all.” Bernard Poolman

**********

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 251: Forgiving Self Betrayal

Today my partner drove and he and I went off doing a bit of travelling through the backwoods of pawnee and creek county. So we were going along this stretch of road and I began to notice how the road was triggering a memory I have of myself from long ago, and then, an uneasiness began deep within my gut/stomach. I also noticed my breathing was becoming slightly labored and my heartbeat slightly increased and my energy/stamina level began to drop – kind of like the way a person will experience themselves when their sugar level drops.

the suffering of othersSo, just as we were about to come to the place where we would turn off the winding road we were travelling on, I began to experience a pull from within the center of my chest area… A dull pain began in my upper back and chest area and I felt as if I was being sucked into some sort of vortex within my mind and it was then that I chose to let go of the past memory/energy that was begging my participation and it was then that I realized, ‘damn, this is what betrayal feels like, insignificance, fear, and self betrayal’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that betrayal is that of blame, and how within my experience of inSIGNificance, there were SIGNS for me to see – how when I felt betrayed by something or someone, it was because I conditionally placed my faith and my trust and ultimately my responsibility for me, for my life – I placed it in the hands of another – I gave my life over to another separate form me – giving responsibility for myself to another, instead of taking responsibility for my own life and my own life experiences – then when my life hasn’t worked out the way I wanted it to, I felt betrayed by them, when the fact is, I handed over my life to them, I gave them responsibility of me and ultimately, I became angry.

Therefore, I forgive myself for the anger of betraying myself – for not taking self responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself, and for suppressing that which I was really experiencing, blaming the experience and my situation on others, on the world, on society as a whole, yet all along presenting to the world that I’m fine, that I’m strong – betraying/deceiving myself and those within my world – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so engulfed in the fear of taking responsibility that I accepted and allowed my physical body to become petrified, frozen in/as self betrayal and self denial.

Redefining Self Betrayal:

When and as I see myself giving myself over to another and suppressing myself within a point of insignificance which leads to self denial and self betrayal, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a pattern within and as my mind – that I Am Willing myself to Stop, to re-design myself, to take Self-responsibility for myself and the World as myself.

I commit myself to let go of the idea’s that I’ve existed as within and as my past relationships to who I am within and as self betrayal.

I commit myself to Stop self denial.

I commit myself to take Self-Responsibility for myself and Stop blaming others for how I experience myself.

I commit myself to changing who I am as my mind/physical body within and as this physical reality/existence as one who is Not a betrayer of self, but is instead Standing within and as the Directive Principal of what I see, realize and understand as the utmost importance, to assist in bringing forth a World where All Life is given to Equally within the Principle of What’s Best for All.

************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 250: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Clearing the Path – Day 32

When I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer, the beginning of April this year, the first thing I wanted to do was to chat with Bernard Poolman. I was sure that he would ease my fears by saying something to me that would catapult me out of my inner state of panic. But, the reality of my situation is that having Cancer for me, is a living consequence of the past decisions I made, where the result of those decisions have manifested within and as my physical body. So the ‘saving grace’, so to speak, that I was looking for, was in reality Not real, and in fact, never has been real no matter how much I attempted in my mind to make it out to be.
clearing the path
This particular chat would be my last one with Bernard – as he passed away just 4 days ago -and one of the things he said to me, which I barely understood at the time because I was so reeling in the fear of dying. I mean, I was so scared from being diagnosed with Cancer that all I could share with him was how I knew there was something I wanted to ask him but for the life of me I couldn’t remember what it was. Here was his reply to me:

This is why I am here to speak to you. Cathy, you are faced with seemingly, a great challenge. But, from my perspective – you’re faced with a Great Opportunity. An opportunity to Walk a Process of facing this beast head-on. In this, you are not going to pre-judge anything. You’re going to consider All Points and then you’re going to write about it. Calling the beast by its name: Breast Cancer. Cathy, yes – this may kill you. That is, at the moment, uncertain. So, the time available – is to do what is best. If you stay, so be it. If you go, so be it. It was inevitably anyway, one way or the other. This way, you can make something of it. I would suggest that anxiety and/or fear has an effect of freezing the physical body, which impairs the immune system and makes it less effective. So, the psychological effect of cancer is actually more dangerous than anything else. So, also to write about this – very specifically, reporting your physical experience that arise due to anxiety and fear and how it makes you feel ,and to look at the physical movement of this through your release with self forgiveness and self honesty. I would say, you are the One that can face this gift. There are certainly no coincidences.” ~Bernard Poolman, April 3, 2013

Just now I’m re-reading his words and I’m asking myself: ‘what is it that I’m wanting to express here in this blog and in sharing our chat with the world‘? A chat which was so very intimate to me. And the fact is, that what I’ve realized in the days that have followed since Bernard’s passing, is that in the beginning of my diagnosis, and even in the days following my chat with Bernard, I accepted and allowed all these idea’s I had in my mind about Cancer – ideas I’ve accumulated throughout my lifetime – to overwhelm and consume me. So much so that recently, there was not an hour that would go by during my days that I did not feel consumed within an identity of myself as ‘the cancer patient‘. Where within my mind, I saw and accepted myself as sick and diminished, a failure, and as such, I began to give up on living.

So what does all this have to do with the passing of Bernard Poolman? I can only say that his passing has shaken me to the depths of my being. Because just this time last week, I didn’t think I could go on, nor did I want to. This I didn’t share with anyone. It was the secret I was keeping to myself within my mind and it was the secret I was keeping even from myself. That’s how/why the secret mind is called the secret mind.

Now, Bernard’s death, it shook me to the core, shook me out of my secret mind, to such a degree that interestingly enough, since his passing, I am no longer consumed within and as those pictures, the identitly, nor within what felt like a curse in how I was seeing myself – as a victim of myself with Cancer.

I am now clear and willing to walk my process in greater depths, to investigate and Clear the Path of my past – to uncover how and why I manifested Cancer within me, and to remove such design from my being within and so without.

Alright, so, I in No way mean to imply that Bernard’s passing somehow magically or mystically healed me, or that he is somehow my savior. No that’s not it.

What I am saying is that I’ve had enough of my own self abuse and it stops here. And that regardless of how cruel and insensitive our World and our Money System has become, Bernard Poolman lived life within the realm of bringing Heaven to life on Earth. He was that which we can All become through Self-honesty and Self-Forgiveness and he proved that the human can breathe integrity into Life.  Even in death his Words remain the same for those who will hear, and he left this World a better place for having been here.

I for One will Not waste another moment lost in self interest in my secret mind in fear of having cancer, instead,

I Commit Myself to my process, to become also a Living example of what it is to Walk the Path of Equality and Oneness, as the Example that Bernard Pooman has Given to Us Each One.

Cheers to Bernard Poolman!

Let’s Walk

************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 249: The Beast of Desteni: Bernard Poolman

I first became acquainted with who Bernard Poolman was through his words in the early part of 2008. The first thing that struck me about Bernard was how through the words that he spoke and the words that he wrote he was constant and fearless.  And, in the beginning, I wasn’t sure how he had accomplished such a point of stability but within me, I longed to exist within and as the same.
the beast of Desteni
So for almost 6 years now, every single day, I’ve either heard or read the words of Bernard Poolman, and though I never actually physically met him, I am sure I know him as well as if I had.

So yesterday when I read the following in an email:

We are here to inform you that Bernard passed away in the early hours of Sunday the 11th of August.”

I immediately became aware of how I felt as if a part of myself died with him.

If there was one thing I’ve learned from the stability that knowing Bernard Poolman gave – it’s that everything that Bernard Poolman said and did, was specific and an action based upon what’s best for all, and I see this, the moment of his death as no different in that even in his death he gives life, that I am sure of.

Now there were those who were ‘put off’ or ‘pissed off’ by the words of Bernard Poolman and if one looks at the ‘reasons’ for their pissedoffness, we can always see the self-interest. Because I mean, how can anyone be pissed off and hate someone who remains stable in their support of All Living beings, for ALL Life???

Strangely enough our brainwashed preprogrammed mind as consciousness breeds plenty who are/were threatened by Bernard’s unwavering stand in bringing forth a world where No one suffers simply because they have no money or the means for proper food/nutrition, housing and an education.

So in March of 2011, it was then that I had my first one on one chat with Bernard and I asked him how, as he walked his process – obviously with no one else as a point of assistance , as we at Desteni have now – what was his most assistance to himself, other than breathing. And, interesting that, here it is more than 2 years later and the words he shared with me that day are assisting me with the loss I am experiencing today from his passing.

Here is his answer:

“I would say, the focus on having direction that is clear, whether it is Yes/No / Positive/Negative = I always pushed for clarity. But at the same time, always regarded the Physical-Reality as a sequential-‘time action-based system’, that sometimes change, just – if we wait long enough.

I also asked questions and listened, very carefully – to all the answers, as if it could possibly hold the key to the universe.

Then, I developed a way to communicate with reality through my physical-body; with pain as indicator of attention.

And, I realised, that if I lie to myself – things will just take longer, and inevitably I will just end up in the same position having to do it again.

Initially – I ended up in the same positions, because I had a disease called hope, and a mental disorder called Religion, that was imbedded in me to the core of my being; and that took me the longest to remove. It was as if faith attempted to prove faithfulness as the key to God, while the whole world screamed the opposite. Yet – I couldn’t feel it, and I didn’t want to see it. And so – there were some interdimensional beings, that reminded me from time to time.”

Alright so since hearing of Bernard’s passing I have cried many tears, and, I feel sadness and a sense of loss and I realize that I found much comfort in knowing that Bernard Poolman existed here on Earth and yes, he was quite a point of stability and one that, quite frankly, I would never have chosen to given up.

And that point is key because it’s in our ‘absence of giving’ that we’ve come to ‘give up‘ on ourselves and our physical world/reality/existence and we accept and allow abuse such as poverty to exist when it absolutely doesn’t have to.

So in a way, it’s self interest that makes me sad because I won’t get to meet Bernard in person, to shake his hand, look into his eyes and give him a hug. To Thank him for being a Living example of what a human being can be in/as Equality and Oneness.   Bernard was the living example of what it is to take self responsibility for what is here and to put forth the solutions to ensure that No one ever have to suffer again. He shared common sense and compassion daily for everyone from the tiniest to the largest of all living beings, and if you’re reading this and you’ve not studied the words of Bernard Poolman and Desteni, then do Yourself and the World a favor, begin studying them now.

We Who Are Destonians, We Will Not Stop till this is Done = Heaven on Earth

“Why Cry for Me and not the Millions of Children starving today?”  ~ Bernard Poolman

************

The following Quote is from a Discussion by Bernard about Compassion

“Ask-yourself: What is True-Compassion? Stand there, where the Animal is being Slaughtered: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion. Stand there, where the Child is being Raped: and Ask-yourself. Stand there, where War Wages – Stand there, where there is Abuse: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion. Stand there, where many `drink and party´, oblivious to what´s going-on: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion.” ` Bernard Poolman

Hear Complete Interview Here: Compassion of the Light 

************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 248: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – I Can Do This – Day 31

Alright so last night I had a reaction within myself where I began to experience pain in the lower left side of my back. It was a slight to moderate slow throbbing pain that seemed to radiate inward. Now for a few months I’ve been making sure that I eat only that which nourishes and supports my physical body,  but I’ve only recently became more directive in applying self forgiveness for the experience of resistance – which I realize is related to energy, so it’s now time for me to take my process the step further – to bring the point through to awareness. Because what will happen when I experience a new ache or pain within my physical body is that I will immediately go into emotional/feeling energies which obviously creates added reactions within me physically which can result in further consequences for my physical body.
what if
So last night when the pain became rather intense my partner reminded me to breathe and so as I breathed I was instantly able to ground myself which caused the pain to diminish – almost like the energy within me diffused itself as I breathed.

I realized in that moment that my physical body is supporting me but it’s me as my mind that is reaching / searching for a way to lose myself within my mind to energy which I’ve accumulated myself as through my participation in thoughts and feelings. So I’ve built up energy in relation to when I experience pain and I see, realize and understand that further commitment statements on my part is required in order to Stop emotions and feelings from overwhelming me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself experiencing physical pain within my physical body – whether it be a pain I’ve experienced before or whether it be a pain I’m only now experiencing, I Stop, I Breathe. I direct myself to Stand in the shoes of my Physical body and I will Not accept and allow myself to have this point of self interest in terms of how I am reacting in emotions and feelings to separate me from the relationship and the process that I’m walking in my physical body.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that pain is an indication for me to stop and breathe and become aware of what my Physical body is trying to tell me – whether that be to seek assistance from a Physician or whether it be to Breathe!

I commit myself to Stop energetic reactions of emotions and feelings to overwhelm me.

I commit myself to Stand here with my Physical body as my Physical body and Not accept and allow emotions and feelings to overwhelm me.

I commit myself to bring this point through to awareness wherein I remain grounded and stable within and as my Physical body and my Physical reality.

****************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 247: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Forgiving Resistance – Day 30

Recently I’ve been facing quite a bit of resistance to writing, to finishing my DIP lessons, resistance to just about everything. So here I would like to Thank the Assistance I’ve received from Hannie / Sunette as I’ve been able to come to an understanding with regards to what I’ve been accepting and allowing. Thus with some assistance, I’m sharing here my Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.
self forgiveness for life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure according to an energy of resistance that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how resistance is merely an energy, though be it a persistent energy that seems so real that I in my mind cannot deny how real it is within and as how it overwhelms me in the physical and so in this mind-physical relationship to resistance – I allow it to be more powerful and overbearing than my directive principle/decision of who I am in every moment of breath and so give up/give into this energy of resistance.

When and as I see myself give in to this energy of resistance, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to Not participate, to instead be the directive principle of me within the decision to stand and move myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my relationship to resistance, this mind-physical energy – in fact shows me my relationship to emotions/feelings within my mind, where I still accept and allow myself to believe that the reactions I have are “all that I am/is real”, because I have this reasoning that since I experience it physically then it must be real – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how within this resistance, within the emotions and feelings,,, I am actually missing my breath, I miss Me in Breath and therefore do not realize the extent to which I am in fact in my mind within an energy that I experience in the physical – so, therefore, I am not in fact here, not in fact physical – I am experiencing it through energy within my mind and therefore,  I commit myself to STOP, to direct myself here as Breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how in my primary relationship to my mind – I’ve always trusted/used my mind as my backup, always leaning on and depending on my own thoughts/reactions for guidance – never seeing, realizing and understanding within this how with writing, with committing myself to changing Me – I am in my self awareness for the first time deciding to stand on my own two feet, to make my own decisions about who I am and so therefore – resistance will come through in moments of change, where it’s actually a habit to not step into that moment of change, that decision to change, of action to change, because I don’t know who I’ll be, in leaving the comfort zone of my mind, stepping into the unknown and so the force of resistance is me playing a balancing act with myself – between the known and the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the unknown is unknown, but, I know that I have me as I walk the unknown, that I have me in every moment of every breath, so in this walking the unknown, is actually existent a gift – a gift for me to learn to trust Me, to learn what it means to trust me, discover me and learn about me – and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use resistance as an excuse to rather trust who I am as my mind simply because it seems easier than me walking the process to learn what it means to trust myself, to depend upon myself, make decisions for myself, direct myself and ultimately change myself, thus, I commit myself to Stop using resistance as an excuse, as a reason not to move myself.

When and as I see myself as my mind using the energy of resistance to not face myself, to not move myself to write, to discover me, to learn about who I really am, I stop, I breathe – instead, I direct myself to move myself to write, to give myself an opportunity to discover for myself in self honesty who I am, to push through the resistance to self change.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the common sense in relation to resistance: that I do not in self awareness decide to create resistance when I sit down to write, that I make a decision to write, so where is the resistance coming from? This showing me how I have trusted the emotions and feelings and thoughts of my mind without question/introspection – and just because it’s suddenly there and it’s physical, I believed it to be real, however – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider standing by/with my decision to direct myself within reality/the real world that I decided in Self Awareness to do, because I know then that I made the Decision to do this direction, to walk this point – of which I Trust – when I see the resistance comes up seemingly out of nowhere – this I should question and so, I commit myself to assist and support myself to stick to my Decision, my living actions such as writing, which I can trust, that I decided to do and to walk and to Not accept and allow any automated reaction/emotions/resistance to interFear with me establishing my self trust in that which I decide and what I walk in reality.

****************

“The Difficulty with change is obviously that there will be Resistance, it will be Difficult because you are busy Transforming that which is Within you as your Memory, your Thought, your Personality, your Past Into a Living Being that Lives at the Cutting-Edge of Time with such Vigorous Principle that You can be Trusted with Life; when you are Functioning as Consciousness: You can’t be Trusted with Life, just look at the Planet Earth and What is Done to it by the Human Race and you know That is the Evidence that Time is Showing us, that’s Our Writing on Earth, How we are Living, that is the Story, the Life-Book that is the Reality of the Truth.”

Bernard Poolman

****************

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life