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Day 300: The War Within Lies

Sometimes, I can’t believe this is how my story goes. Meaning the way my life is at the moment with where I am as I continue to get well from cancer. Within that realization my mind is like on mourning mode and sometimes I get lost in it… Then, last night I dreamed I was at war and I realized how my war within lies.

war within
There is and has been for awhile in my life, a war going on within and as me. This war I started against myself when I was in my early teens. Pain seems to intensify my fears and so the war within me seemed to grow. So it’s strange but things got worse for me when the first of July of this year I added another intense alternative treatment therapy.

The particular treatment I will speak more about when I’m able to – caused my physical body to take quite a hit, and unfortunately, in fear, I lost sight of the struggle my body was going through because all I could think to do in that fear was to keep pushing myself to do whatever I had to do,,, for however long I had to do it, so long as I get myself well from the cancer.

The treatment brought with it consequence of physical / muscle deterioration and extreme physical pain, and, in my lack of awareness, I began taking more and more prescribed pain meds and muscle relaxants , as well as alternative methods in my quest to relieve the pain.

Everything I was doing, it became to much for my physical body. Both my kidneys and my liver began to show symptoms of trouble – trouble from all the methods I’d chosen to help relieve my pain. I had no choice. I had to get off of everything and so a month ago, I did. I stopped taking all the prescription pain meds and muscle relaxants and ibuprofen. I also stopped all alternative methods I’d been using for pain as well.

Now I use nutrition/foods/juice / Omega 3’s and herbal remedies only to reduce the inflammation. I also drink teas with hibiscus, passion flower, lemon balm, just to name a few of the many wonderful herbs and seasoning I use, like tumeric and even capsicum/cayenne pepper.

I also stopped the intense alternative treatment method that I started 5 months ago. And with the assistance of some private interviews / tools that I was fortunate to receive through Eqafe, I’ve been able to easily stop the pain meds with very few side affects and have become effective in breathing through the fear when the pain comes and have been also been successful in my practice of directing myself to change who I am within the fear so as to forever release who I accepted and allowed myself to be within the fear to where I am able to redefine in awareness who I am within and as my physical body when the pain come.

It’s interesting, because I’ve been experiencing less pain as I’ve become more aware of who I’ve been within my accepted belief of myself as my mind to one where I’m understanding that those beliefs about myself no longer ring true to who I am directing myself to be and become as my physical body/ mind and being. Within this forgiving myself comes and that is for sure something one can become successful in doing, forgiving oneself.

My Eqafe personal interviews have also assisted me in becoming aware of how in my pain/fear over the course of 5 months, I created some automated pain patterns. Yeah.. But then after coming off all those pain meds, I’ve also been able to develop an awareness of how often my mind will tell me the movement that I’m about to do – like getting up to go to the bathroom for example – is going to hurt like hell, when in fact, when/as I stop the thoughts/fears, and focus on my breathing while I make the move, it actually doesn’t hurt at all. Sounds crazy I know,  and it is crazy,  how easy we can create patterns.  Therefore, it’s best we learn how to create the patterns that will assist us to live our utmost potential and thus begin to be able to assist in creating a world where All Life can live their utmost potential.

Within the automated patterns, I’ve also created pictures of myself within my mind.  and these patterns I continue to investigate and are part of the war within my dream last night. I will be sharing more on this in blogs to come.

At the moment, I am here, focusing on substantiating my physical body. Beginning with committing myself to make sure that every single day I give my body what it requires nutritionally to repair and recover and heal.

I commit myself to walk in breath and awareness as I consistently nourish my physical body to the best of my ability, and to redefine and become a living expression of the word relax within and as my physical body as I continue to walk my story, my Journey to Life.

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Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Sitting here to write about this particular emotional fear energy isn’t something that I want to do. In fact, I’ve become very good at avoiding this point all together by way of one distraction after another until wham! Seemingly out of nowhere I will experience more pain in my upper back / chest area and that pain seems to trigger an experience of emotional fear energy.  Where I would become so influenced by the energy that I wasn’t able to see what was contributing to and thus creating the thing in the first place.

Emotional Fear Energy

When I’m in that emotional fear energy, it’s like a dark wave comes over me and within that the personal realization and seriousness of my situation comes to surface.  My situation being that I have Cancer, and that it may very well be the thing that kills me.

When I was first diagnosed with Cancer, almost 2 years ago, that was when this particular Emotional Fear Energy pattern was ignited, or more appropriately, that’s when it was first triggered. And I mean, I’m sure we all have this pattern within us and will have to face it because I mean everyone will face their own mortality at some point.

So how can one assist and support themselves to stop this particular emotional fear energy?  This I will be sharing assistance for with this blog and blogs to come.

I knew from the beginning when I first made the decision and firm committment to myself and my physical body to get well and become Cancer free through alternative means and diet and I knew I was beginning what would be a long journey. So, I’m still applying the same alternative treatments that I planned almost 2 years ago and they’re still proving to be very effective. My Physical Body is responding very well in that the Cancer is still diminishing. But even still, there’s no way of knowing for sure the toll that all of it will have on my Physical body,  or even if it will ultimately help me to be Cancer free.

So what’s been going on is for almost 2 years I  accepted and allowed this particular emotional fear energy pattern-  that I can only describe as debilitating – to be the reason why I reach for things to distract myself from what’s really go on within myself,  and instead,  what I do is sort of freeze inside,which is really a way of suppressing myself.   I also go into a waiting game within myself as if I’m giving up on myself.

Alright so, when I participate in and as this particular emotional fear energy I’m not able to see what it is attached to.   The only thing I know for sure is with the energy comes a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Tears will some time swell up, and sometimes, I allow myself to cry, and it’s a deep hard cry. But mostly, I stick to distracting / suppressing myself so as to not look at / investigate what the fear is really attached to.

So the Eqafe interfiew that I heard called: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias, resonated with me and assisted me to realize what’s been going on within me which is a Fear of Losing Control. Identifying this one thing has assisted me to better understand what’s been contributing and creating the emotional fear energy which and has assisted me with a clearer perspective,  which causes the energy itself to lose it’s illusion of control and power over me.

Before,  when the energy would be triggered,  there was no sense to be made of it, so it was as if I would sort of tumble into and as the energy and become fully engulfed in my imagination and basically interpret my fear experience as that of fearing death and dying.

So to Stop Emotional Fear Energy one must first be able to define what one is fearing and when one can do that then one will be able to begin to direct oneself to stop the control the fear had on oneself.    And for me this is huge!

Because I mean since being diagnosed with Cancer, I’ve seen some changes that my physical body has gone through. And within that are the realization that any day the Cancer could spread and get worse and, what will I do if that happens.  and what if my body begins the process of dying’? Will I be aware of it if / when that happens? Will I ultimately lose the use of my bodies facilities? And can I overcome embarrassment if that were to happen? Will my body become ugly or deformed in some way, and if so, will my partner still want to be with me?

So to be clear,  I’ve been able to identifytjat the fear is about what my physical body will have to endure and so what I will have to endure with regards to the physical process of dying.  Any deterioration process.  The decay, the physical pain and suffering, any and all experiences that my physical body may go through – that’s what I’m referring to, that’s what I fear losing control of.  And now that I’ve been able to identify this point,  I’m already seeing my ability to stop accepting and allowing the emotional fear energy to overpower me.

I’m also investigating how I’ve accepted and allowed ‘avoidance’ and ‘despair’ to play a role in me not having the endurance to stand up to this fear of losing control which itself leaves me with the illusion of an inability to direct myself effectively to forgive and release myself of the emotional fear energy experience.  More on these in blogs to come.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach emotional fear energy to having Cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind attach the word cancer to emotional fear energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the effects of cancer on my physical body to the emotional fear energy within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to accept and allow myself to go into emotional fear energy is doing the very thing to myself as my Physicalbody that I am fearing the cancer will do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare my cancer story to those who have survived their cancer story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and unmotivated by the emotional fear energy that I have associated with having cancer and with which I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to causing myself to want to give up.

I commit myself to when and as I see emotional fear energy come up in relation to cancer and what having it might do to me, I stop. Instead I direct myself to Breathe and focus on remaining realistic with regards to any and all fears and / or symptoms that may come up from moment to moment and to Not compare my cancer story to those who have survived cancer and to understand that in reality the process of alternative cancer care will have physical symptoms and/or reactions that are Not life threatening and are only a part of the healing process.

Suggested Eqafe Interview: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias

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For Further Context Read:

Day 289: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – that sinking feeling that comes with the giving up experience – Day 42

Day 288: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Giving up, Giving in, or Both? – Day 41

Day 290: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – stopping emotional reactions to myself – Day 43

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Day 292: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much

Born in Middle Class America, my story isn’t special. Meaning, how I experienced myself growing up could be your story, or anyone’s story for that matter. Let me explain.

I was in second grade, around 7 or 8 when I first become aware of the variety of masks that people wear as their making some sort of a connection when they’re beginning a relationship with each other. I recall having strong emotional fears with regards to deciding which mask or character / personality to become even though I understood that it all depended upon the situation and the people and how I wanted to experience and express myself when being around them.

Bottom line, I was scared. Scared to get too close to anyone, because already by the time I was 7, I understood that people don’t stay, they leave. They go their own way for whatever reason and from the very beginning, I didn’t like subjecting myself to the emotional pain that inevitably happened when a relationship stopped / ended. It’s no surprise then that I can relate so much to the following quote:

“I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport. Besides, if I let someone get that close, they’d see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask.” Dexter Morgan (Character) from the Showtime series: Dexter

I accepted early on in my life that what was going on within my mind with regards to my thoughts and my feelings and emotions within a fear of loss at the prospect of being rejected wasn’t worth giving my whole self to.  Because being rejected felt like losing a part of myself.  And so as I participated within and as ALL that,,, I withdrew into my own little world within and as my mind where I believed the lies that I told myself – which was that I didn’t want or need anyone to be happy, yet I was anything but happy.

So during my first couple of years in elementary school I remember spending a lot of time watching and observing other kids in my class. I envied the kids who would become the teachers favorite, and every day during recess I remember watching as the kids in my class ran around having fun together playing.   I remember wondering why I felt so alone and lonely inside myself and as I watched them go about their business, I experienced quite a bit of negative emotions and insecurity within and towards myself.  Inside my head, I was having thoughts / backchat,  asking myself what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to make the kind of connections with others that I see them making amongst themselves…

Almost in-spite of myself, by the time I reached middle school, I had established a few close friendships / relationships, both male and female. But even then, something within me in how I experienced myself within my relationships was off in that I felt like I never completely fit in with the relationship.  It was like I watched myself put on a mask, and depending upon who I was with, I would become some sort of character / personality, and in doing so, within my mind I began to blame and spite and resent others for how I was experiencing myself and I felt emotionally defeated.

I realize now that how I experienced myself back then and how I experience myself now with regards to my relationships with others, both individual or within a group, whether personal or business – had / has nothing to do with anyone else but me. Meaning, I am responsible for what goes on within me at all times and the same goes for what’s going on within and as my outer world / reality, because our outer world is a reflection of what we’re accepting and allowing to exist within us.

Therefore,  it’s important that I Stand Committed and walk this point through, breathing through the resistance in order to become stable and supportive within and as the Desteni Group , which is and has always been quite a pilar of support for me.  This I am currently walking the corrective application for,  but clearly,  my early experience into society as a child has influenced every relationship I’ve had…

 

Investigating the point now, I see how when I was a kid,  one of the things that would have assisted me greatly, would have been if someone – like my parents, or a teacher – would have been able to offer me support and guidance for what was going on within and as my mind, as thoughts and pictures, and the feelings and emotions and the fear!  That would have made a world of difference for me when I was growing up.

 

And I mean, it’s only been through walking the lessons in Desteni I Process Pro and applying the tools that the course provides that I’ve been able to understand for myself the goings on within and as my mind.  And more than ever, I see how important it is that we walk this life together supporting each other with a partner as well as walking within and as a Group.

changing the world together with dipThe Group should be supportive of ALL Life, because let’s be serious, there is NO WAY that one person will ever be able to bring about the kind of change that this world and everyone in it so desperately seek.

The kind of change that is required to our monetary system as well as All the world systems.

And unless we stand together as a Group and support the kind of freedom where the Foundation of Life on Earth begins with making All worldly decisions based upon and according to what’s best for all. That’s the only way that we can ensure that money is no longer God and thus no longer the thorn in everyone’s side and then, when we stop stressing out over NOT having food, or water and a home and clothes and an education – when All that mess and stress ends we’re going to be shocked at how just that point alone will completely change the relationships we have with each other and the relationship we have with others within our world.

If one look at the history of man and how our relationships with one another are by way of our thoughts and feelings and our emotions – we can then see how participating in them keeps us from being able to be objective. And when we’re not being objective then we fall into the realm of subjectivity – which means our decision making is personal, and subject to the influence of opinions by way of beliefs and thoughts and feelings and even subject to how we’re experiencing ourself at any given moment. And come on, at this point the decisions made in this world is also made based upon ego and greed, profit and the fear of survival!

I mean, there’s a lot going on within our mind that we cannot accept and allow when making life and death decisions with regards to how our current monetary / world systems operate / function.

And, until we can understand our own minds – like how and why we think and react like we do – because what I’ve learned through walking the Desteni I Process course is that I can direct who I am as my mind and in doing so I am able to take responsibility for myself and for what and how I’ve accepted and allowed Life on Earth to be lived as.

It’s Time to Question Our Reality, and come together as a Group to agree on a money system that will support Everyone… If we can’t do that, then we’ll have to continue to suffer because Hell on Earth is just getting started.

Time to forgive ourselves and each other, and make the most important decision we’ll ever make, not in the name of ouself but in the name of and for the future of how Life itself will be experienced as dignified here on Earth.

 ENROLL TODAY!

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Day 289: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – that sinking feeling that comes with the giving up experience – Day 42

For Context Read:
Day 288: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Giving up, Giving in, or Both? – Day 41

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled by a sinking feeling within the pit of my stomach, where who I am as my mind, as consciousness, seems to pull me into an abyss of sorts, a dark hole within myself wherein I have no motivation and where nausea and fear makes me want to give up before I’ve even given myself the opportunity to get started, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sucked into my mind which then pulls me away from my physical body / reality and living.

sinking feelingI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with the energy experiences I have in relation to myself and the challenges I’m facing with regards to having breast cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate how the mind uses entertainment to control and manipulate and keep one locked into and as the very fear of facing and giving up on one’s self with regards to whatever it is one is resisting to look at / face / change about oneself.

I commit myself to Stop using entertainment / television as a way of allowing myself to be drawn into and as my mind – which then initiates a sinking feeling and then the giving up process – instead, I commit myself to make the decision to immediately pull myself back into the here, to remain stable within and as my physical body.

I commit myself to get out of the energy and give myself the opportunity to be here within and as my body, to see, realize and understand that I am able to stand up and direct my world and my reality.

I commit myself to whenever I’m facing a difficult moment, where I see that I’m experiencing physical reactions – that come with the type of treatments I’m using – I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to remain aware of what’s going on within me at that moment, to Not fear the sinking feeling, and to instead look at what’s going on within me and speak the words ‘I am here’, to assist myself to ground myself back to an awareness that is aligned within and as my physical body and physical reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself facing a challenge where I become nauseous and experience a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that in that moment I’m being shifted into and as my mind, so when such a moment of energy occur, I commit myself to shift myself back into and as my physical body and reality and to take the moment to look again at the solutions that I’m using to solve my particular problem / challenge that I’m facing.

 

Day 288: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Giving up, Giving in, or Both? – Day 41

giving up
Today for me, is ‘Day 5 ON’, meaning it’s day 5 of intense pancreatic enzyme therapy as part of the ongoing alternative treatment plan I’ve been walking as a way to assist my body to heal itself – taking up to 72 pancreatic enzymes a day is part of my plan that recognizes how Cancer is a Metabolic disease.

“At least 86% of all cancer conditions could be adequately treated and/or prevented by diet and pancreatic enzymes.

Cancer is a symptom of inadequate and deficient protein metabolism. The real problem is protein metabolism, not cancer. Cancer is only a symptom telling those who would listen that their protein metabolism is in very serious trouble. Surgery, radiation and chemotherapy only treat the symptoms of cancer.

One hundred years ago Dr. John Beard at the University of Edinburgh discovered that the body’s primary mechanism for destroying cancer is contained in pancreatin, a secretion from the pancreas that includes enzymes for digesting protein (among other things). Enzymes digest or liquefy foods for absorption by the body. Dr. Beard presented pictures in his books and papers to show recoveries using pancreatin. ” One Answer to Cancer

So for those of you who have followed my blog, you already know that in addition to following a strict metabolic diet, I add the pancreatic enzymes which ingest cancer cells, this then should adequately treat and/or can possibly eliminate / prevent cancer.  Also, as part of my daily treatment plan, throughout my day, I take high doses of vitamin C and I take specific mushroom capsules,  as well as Vitamin B17 and I also take multivitamins and other supplements that aid in supporting a healthy immune system.

The metabolic balancing that must occur within the body in order for it to heal itself requires that one eat the proper foods, which during my ‘on days’ can be quite challenging because just as with chemotherapy, the body becomes mild to severely toxic – which can cause a lack of appetite, as well as nausea and /or diarrhea, which are just a few of the many reactions that one may experience physically.

It’s kind of like having the flu and it’s vital that every single day, that I assist my body to detox effectively, by way of the coffee enema for example. It’s also important that my kidneys get flushed well daily so I drink liberal quantities of fluids, such as water and a variety of fresh juices. Cleansing my skin is also important and most people, including myself have overlooked it’s importance.

“Most people overlook the skin as an organ of detoxification. But it is sometimes called “the third kidney,” since many of its functions in fluid and electrolyte balance are similar to those of the kidneys. When great amounts of poisons flood the body, all systems are overloaded and this function of the skin is sorely needed. As the skin is utilized, all sorts of eruptions, odors, colors, and blemishes may appear. These conditions will disappear as the body becomes purified.

One can quickly assess the relative efficiency of elimination through the skin by looking at his iris (the colored portion of the eye). The skin is represented by the outermost part of the iris. If it is very dark and dense, the condition is called a “scurf rim” in iridology, and it means that the skin is relatively blocked as an organ of elimination. To open it up, skin brushing before a shower and vigorous use of a loofah sponge in the shower are recommended…

At the end of the shower, one should turn the water to cool, then to warm. As one becomes accustomed to the temperature change, he or she may go from hot to cold and back several times. This exercises the tiny muscles in the skin, which control dilation and contraction of the pores. As they become stronger, they can respond better to the physiological demands of the body.

After the shower, one can sit in a tub of water with a cup of apple cider vinegar added, to restore and strengthen the acid mantle of the skin. Afterward, the body should be dried and rubbed briskly with a towel until a warm glow is felt.

Epsom salt baths may also be used to help draw toxins out of the skin. These baths are especially beneficial if one is going through a “healing crisis” and is especially toxic and feeling bad.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

 

Alright so what happens is that during my days ‘on’, when I’m feeling my worst physically, that’s when I tend to let myself get lost within and as this particular pattern that I’ve come to realize is one that I’ve participated in for most of my life in that, when I would get the flu or become sick, I would plop myself in front of the t.v., and then lose myself within whatever it was/is that I’ve chosen to entertain myself with in order to take my mind off of being sick.

I’m not implying that one should never watch television or movies, but like with everything, moderation is key. The problem is, in my past,  I’ve been the type of person that goes overboard with things, which can cause addictive behaviors and within that an imbalance within and as my physical body may occur.  That’s not acceptable.

Thus here, and in blogs to come, I will investigate this point further to establish a point of stability within myself, so as to be able to direct myself and walk my process more effectively and so Stop accepting and allowing myself to become automated memories / patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a way give up on myself in that when I feel physically ill, I don’t direct myself to walk my process as effectively as I know I’m capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the ‘giving up experience‘, the energy and the mind manipulation of and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m physically sick, to adhere to the desire to entertain myself emotionally by watching movies / television series and / or by watching comedies as a way to forget about how bad I feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in patterns of mind manipulation, where I participate in thoughts and emotions of feeling sorry for myself and then the feeling sorry for myself gives way for repeat patterns, where it’s like I’m just killing time so to speak, until I start feeling physically better again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into ‘giving up and/or giving in’, where within my mind my thoughts are ‘I won’t be able to see this thing through’, and within that for allowing myself to believe that it’s just a matter of time before I fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be taken in by the energy within my definition and acceptance of ‘feeling bad’ and for the thoughts that come with it of ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and for the consequences that ‘giving in’ to and ‘giving up’ manifests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself into my mind‘s justifications and excuses / reasons / energies and / or backchat / thoughts to such a degree that I will feel unfulfilled or incomplete because in and as self sabotage, I’m not putting my all into whatever it is that I’m physically practically walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I’m giving up on myself when in fact, I’ve been giving in to and accepting and allowing patterns and behaviors to have control and direction over me.

I commit myself to Stop participating in the ‘giving up experience‘, the energy, the mind manipulation of and as it.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself having physical reactions to treatment, to Stop and breathe, to not accept or allow myself to run in and as automated patterns / behaviors of over indulgence in watching t.v.

I commit myself to learn about myself and to develop and grow within who I am by moving myself to put my all into whatever it is that I’m doing through learning about myself to develop who I am as my expression and my living through self honesty and according to what’s best for all.

 

Previous blog with similar topic to this one,  read:

Day 286: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Nature of Worry – Day 40

Day 284: Redefining and Commitment to Living ‘Grace’

When I looked within myself at how I’ve lived the word ‘grace’, I could see that although I completely comprehend how we as a society have defined it, such as in ‘merriam-webster’:

: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward
: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving
graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations

I hadn’t really ever considered what living the word ‘grace’ may look like or mean.  In fact, when I looked at how I felt inside myself when I looked at the word ‘grace’, what I saw was a feeling of awkwardness and an almost stumbling within myself, like a ‘not knowing’ so to speak.

So I realized that I’ve never really considered that I’ve not only the ability to redefine who I am as ‘grace’, but I’ve also the responsibility to do so.  In doing so, one like’s to think it would be easy to redefine who one is as ‘grace’, however, asking oneself important questions like ‘what does it mean to live the word ‘grace’ and, ‘what would that mean being for oneself, one’s body, and way of living‘?

It’s not an easy question to answer or live as because who we are as our mind depends upon things from our outside world to stimulate and entertain us, so it requires a slowing down within oneself in order to assist oneself effectively.
grace
When I first began to focus on and redefine myself as ‘grace’, it was cool, but kind of surprising when I realized just how much I reLIEd upon the energy I would get when I’d participate in any way in the bizarre little personal attacks on myself that I was accepting as backchat within my mind.

It’s cool when you commit to investigating these things that are going on within your mind, you begin to see just how ridiculous it all is – like the small sentences of backchat where in your head your hearing things like, ‘you can’t do this’, ‘I’m tired‘, ‘your getting to old for that’, etc, all of which add up to some serious self-judgments and suppression.

So as I’ve been walking this point in real-time – forgiving myself for the self-loathing and self-critical way of thinking, and forgiving myself for allowing myself to be controlled to such a degree where I’ve been motivated to move myself by and as my mind – which is in itself physically exhausting and proof how damaging our thought processes are on our physical body.

Instead of allowing that, I directed myself to stop and forgive myself, so when a self-judgment thought would come up or re-occur, I would stop, breathe and focus on giving myself ‘grace’, remaining aware of what that means and feels like to give myself ‘grace’ as self support.

After a few days, the backchat attack began to raise doubts because my mind as consciousness was losing controls so it used fear through the words, ‘your body can’t handle this’.  That’s when within me, it was like my physical body as me Stood Up, and I saw how when those thoughts came up my entire physical body became tense and uncomfortable and I became aware of how my bottom lip sought to hold down my upper lip real tight like, so I used that as an awareness, a flag if you will to provide assistance for myself to know it’s time to stop and breathe!  Within that I began to recognize who I am as my physical body within and as ‘Grace’,  and how when I allow myself ‘Grace’ my entire inside relaxes in clarity.

So, it’s been a few weeks now since I began investigating this point and I’m realizing who I am as ‘grace’ is becoming of me more and more – where ‘grace’ is a soft place within where I flow comfortably through and as my entire physical body, and within that a great gift emerged in that within and as ‘Grace’, self-judgments towards myself and others cannot and does not exist.

And so I see an opportunity that’s opened up here for me to see, realize and understand what it means to Life the word ‘Grace’ into and as myself and our entire World System within and as All of Existence.

Therefore, I commit myself to direct myself to move myself with an awareness to change what I’ve been accepting and allowing within my world – through self-forgiveness I let go the paranoia that has been placed as control and created around religion and how living the word ‘grace’ throughout our lives became identified with the idea of a “God watching over us” or a “God who knows best” attitude as another way to justify spirituality and the paranoia around it to the extreme – I further commit myself to take actions that prevent harm to All Living beings, to get to the point of having the ‘Grace’ to consider the common good for All Life through a Living Income Proposal, to ensure All the opportunity of Living Life in accordance to what’s Best for All to become part of the way Life exist on Earth.

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“Politics is the Fascinating Interesting thing that is In Fact Legitimate and Legal as a way to Change the World, simply by Voting or Getting Involved in Creating Political Parties that Actually Present a Constitutional Bill of Rights, Ensuring that All Laws that exist are Aligned to that, Ensuring that All Necessary Preventions that Ensures a Life that is Best for All Happens on Earth – those kind of stuff all Happen through Politics, through Government. And Government is Not ‘Evil,’ Government is the Product of The People. If Governments are ‘Evil’ as so many Paranoids Claim, then They’re Evil because They are the Ones that Created the Government in the first place, they don’t have an Alternative = that’s quite a Problem. One Shouldn’t Judge: You Should Look for Solutions and Alternatives.

As long as You Have No solutions and Alternatives = You are Judging.

If You Have a Solution and Alternative = it’s No Longer a Judgment, it is Then Common Sense Reasoning.” Bernard Poolman

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Investigate

The Living Income Proposal

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it was Critical for the Successful Design of Consumerism as Resource Control by the few to get Personal Effort to be SUBJECT to the GRACE of an INVISIBLE GOD to which ALL SUCCESS was ATTRIBUTED, to make sure the Human will ACCEPT Personal Self-Interest as a RIGHT as SINNER to be able to Indulge and Feed Consumerism without feeling Guilty, as a Saviour or Messiah will come or has died for the SINNER that CANNOT Help but being SINFUL by Consuming. In this an INVISIBLE PACT was created between Consumerism and Religion with Consumers FUNDING Religion as a way of Passing for Penance as the 7th Day of Confession and Forgiveness – Creating a Human that Accepts as the Core of the Human: EVIL, that Cannot be Conquered by Self, but only through a Divine force.

 

I commit myself to show that the Human’s acceptance of themselves as inherently Evil can in fact be conquered by Self and does NOT require a Divine Force or Forgiveness from an Imaginary God, but requires the courage to be Self Honest, to dare oneself to care, and to give oneself the gift of Self-Forgiveness.” Bernard Poolman

Day 283: Suburban Decay

For Context Read: How Ferguson Went From Middle Class to Poor in a Generation

“In 1990, Ferguson, Mo. was a middle class suburban enclave north of St. Louis with a population about three-quarters white. In 2000, the town’s population was roughly split between black and white with an unemployment rate of 5%. By 2010, the population was two-thirds black, unemployment had exceeded 13%, and the number of residents living in poverty had doubled in a decade.

The situation there is “really not so different than the rest of St. Louis County,” said Dr. Norm White, a criminologist with the Saint Louis University School of Social Work. “The problems we saw in the urban core have become the problems of the suburban umbrella.”

“The same decay that sparked unrest in one Missouri town is taking place across the country.”

On the surface it looks like what’s going on in Ferguson is all about racism, but it’s important that we have a look at the fact that Ferguson’s poverty and unemployment rate is worse than the national average.

stop killing us

“Ferguson is just the place that the scab got pulled off,” White, the criminologist, tells TIME. “The reason why this is so intense is that there are a lot of these little communities that have been left almost to rot. Physically the buildings are falling down. There are no social service programs.”

What can we really expect from people who are struggling in unimaginable ways such as living in poverty and homelessness? How come it’s so difficult for us to talk about the fact that having little to no money, with no end to the struggling in sight, how come this is not seen as a motivating factor embedded within the anger and the fears of the people of Ferguson?

I think mostly people are desperate and scared because they don’t know what to do or where to turn for help with their day to day struggles to survive. So when someone is killed like in a case like this, all hell brakes lose and still, we have the nerve to overlook the facts as their thrown in our face of how Poverty leads to War

“The greater the racial income gap, the deeper are the divisions between black and white workers, and the weaker are the unions and class solidarity.” Michael Reich; Study of The Journal of Human Resources

Truth is, what’s happening in Ferguson looks like war because it is war and it’s important to see the facts. And the fact is, our current Money System has failed us and we have to realize that what’s happening in Ferguson is happening in one way or another all around our world. The poor are getting poorer while the rich are getting richer and it’s important that we get clear on the fact that War is Not, never has been and never will be the solution.

The solution will no doubt require us to come together as a Group, to Support each other in bringing about a Money System that acts according to what’s best for all.

Investigate ‘The Living Income Guaranteed Proposal’

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“There is nothing more dangerous than to build a society with a large segment of people in that society who feel that they have no stake in it; who feel that that have nothing to lose. People who have stake in their society, protect that society, but when they don’t have it, they unconsciously want to destroy it.” MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

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“I was very much clearly convinced; in spite of what I saw in the police which was murders and violence and all kinds of things. I saw that more than just an outflow, more just an outflow from the social condition and the lack of resources, the lack of money that caused most of the conditions that I have witnessed in the police. People simply did many of the things out of desperation.” Bernard Poolman

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More reading about Ferguson: It’s Now Guns Vs. Cameras in Ferguson