Archive | March 2011

Forgiving Living for a Fathers Love

fathersloveSharing here further self-forgiveness that I wrote after I completed a recent mind-construct in SRA…I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the love of a father when it really wouldn’t have mattered who my father was because it only mattered who I thought and dreamed he was according to the enormous protective and often mythic man my mind offered as ideas of who and how a father should be and become toward their daughter according to the influence of my mind and the thoughts of others ideas of what it meant to experience self as being loved and adored by a father. I stop. I stand here within and as assistance from myself as my physical body breathing and I direct myself as my mind according to and as the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the child gazing upon her father as he left for work wherein I thought only my daddy could look like that as I sat in amazement at how he looked all handsome with his pressed shirt and collar and I believed I truly loved him as much as he believed he truly loved his dollar according to the fear of survival imposed upon us all as humanity according to what we have accepted and allowed to exist within and as our current money system. I stop. I stand in self-honesty and support of an Equal Money System which will remove the fear of survival within our world and will begin to allow self-expression as who we really are to emerge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for the touch and closeness from a father whom I barely knew except in the deepest parts of me lost within my mind where no matter how hard I tried and cried he couldn’t or wouldn’t hear me as I believed with all my heart that I loved him while I fought feelings of rejection through emotional fears as if my heart was being ripped apart while I hoped for and dreamt and wondered what it would feel like to experience the daily affection from a father who would walk and hold hands with me according to the pictures I held within my mind where I longed to be held and hugged and told how beautiful and special I was just like one would see in a goddamn movie. I Stop, I realise this is a pattern of self-abuse and I see that it leads me in circles of self-denial. Instead I stand here according to a principle that considers all life Equally in all ways as I stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the root cause of discontent amongst myself and my parents according to the family construct existent here as mind consciousness systems wherein the starting point of fear of survival is compounded and accepted and allowed through our current money system which exists as abuse to and towards all living beings and wherein I defined and distracted myself according to the nature of enslavement because I believed I knew what love is – when love has only ever existed as consciousness enslavement according to and as the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotional whims directed as the mind and lived in the physical as outbursts of reactions within energetic outflows. I stop self-abuse. I stand in support of an Equal Money System so that All living beings may thrive Living a Life according to and as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist according to and as the expectation and direction of and as my mind within an idea of how a father is suppose to treat their daughter according to and as my own manifested consequences wherein I was influenced according to and as my father behaved to and towards me as he reflected back to me what I was projecting onto him as who and how I was existing in victimization as I accepted and allowed the direction of and as my mind within a self imposed pattern of self-defeat and self-manipulation wherein I  accepted and allowed myself to be and became inferior and in fear of men. I stop. I breathe, remaining in awareness of all of us as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others in my family through my words, deeds and actions so as to not have to face the defects I believed about myself wherein I become angry and spiteful and participated within and as my mind of back chat thoughts toward my step dad as I continued to depend upon his actions and attention in order for me to perceive myself as feeling whole and complete all the while I projected blame through an implication game wherein I saw my step dad as the reason and cause for how I experienced myself within my world. I stop. I stand here in self-honesty as I face myself and my fears of what I have accepted and allowed – I stop self-abuse. I support all life according to and as The Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto to my reactions of and as hurt feelings of betrayal within the interpretation that my father couldn’t or wouldn’t see past his ideas – when I was in fact doing the same thing. I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t see beyond his mind construct/behavior – not seeing where he was coming from wherein I did not take Equality into consideration as I too was stuck in my own mind construct/behavior, thus us both stuck according to the mind consciousness systems. I stop. I breathe. I direct myself here according to the Equality Equation as all Life here as I Stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the definition of helplessness wherein I have depended on a man to provide and care for me and only felt safe in my world according to when I have the love of a man because of  my judgment of self wherein I reflected self back to self and created my experience of myself according to my own self-judgment within self-victimization as I attempted to manipulate and control my step dad according to a belief within my mind where I believed that my step dad was the most aggressive and dislocated dad in the world which further fueled the energy charging the self-abusive pattern I was existing as in order to validate myself, which was really validating myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible, thus believing and accepting that I had to have a man in my life in order to provide for me so that I could survive. I stop fear of survival. I stop the need for a savior. I stand here breathing as I support myself in self-honesty and direct myself as my mind through and as the assistance as me as my physical body and I stand in support of an Equal Money System – The Solution – stopping fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I was missing something when my friends spoke of their time with their fathers and so I dreamt of what that time would be like to where I trapped myself in my own version of a timed reality within and as my mind as I existed in polarity within and as my physical reality according to and as self-denial in which I was living as a self-definition according to the experiences I’d heard others speak of therefore losing myself to that which is real here within and as my physical body within and as this world according to the direction of my mind under the influence of and as a mind consciousness system. I stop. I support all living beings as I stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the never ending seeking and searching for approval for love from my father and/or others as a way of not taking self-responsibility for myself in how my participation within and as my thoughts and my emotional feelings are/were assisting in creating suffering within and as our world as I continued to blame my step dad my whole life as I existed within guilt and fear of self, seeking attention within an illusion of comfort and safety wherein I would not have to face myself in self-honesty and take self responsibility for myself and/or others existing here within and as this world who are existing in and as pain and suffering. I stop. I breathe. I stand in support of an Equal Money System according to and as the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for what I perceived he could/couldn’t and/or wouldn’t give/offer me as I didn’t realize that self-honesty comes from within self and within my perceptional search for self acceptance outside of myself I was only ever searching for myself within self-honesty. I stop. I begin here as I stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality – To End Abuse – To Support All Living Beings according to and as The Principle of Equality.

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Forgiving the child as me who I became according to fears and beliefs

I’m almost finished with the current mind construct which has been the focus of my day all day . And, along the way a remarkable moment occurred where the self-judgment/self-abuse in which I’ve carried now for two weeks about myself, like a goddamned saddle bag, disengaged and released.  One of those amazing moments within process, when release comes with self-forgiveness in such a way, which you can’t explain, and, you really don’t require to. The coolest part of the ‘disengagement of self-abuse’, is that the judgments and jealousy I was forgiving according to my secret mind and back chat towards others, disappeared as well.  Proving for myself once again, that any and all judgments I have toward another is absolutely only the judgments in which I’m holding against myself.  Self-forgiveness heals from the inside out and gives self back to self.
Sharing here just a couple of the self-forgiveness statements that I wrote earlier today – which allowed me to accept the releasing of the old memory patterns of self-judgment and spite toward myself and others of my past which were actually in fact only of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and bitter  where I feared and avoided confrontation according to fear of loss and fear of losing control and accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as less than and incapable because I compared myself to another and cast judgment and blame onto them instead of facing myself in self-responsibility. Instead, I humbly ask myself from the inside out to forgive this part of me of which I no longer accept as I let go and release the sadness, and pain and sorrow, and I remain self-responsible as I stand according to and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have opinions, expectations and fears to and towards men within a point of desperation according to a mind construct pattern requiring energy in order to maintain itself as me wherein I didn’t stop and consider all but existed within a point of helplessness. I stop. I direct myself in realising that the pattern of myself in which I once was, no longer serves me within and as my physical body as who I am becoming in self-honesty.  I stop. I breathe.  I direct myself in and as self-honesty and release myself as me as my physical body from the strains I have in the past allowed and accepted as self-abuse, and I stand here directing self with the assistance from my wholeself as my physical body with every part of me as I stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality as All as One as Equal.

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Detox through Self-Forgiveness

silky blue watersI forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that happy, sad and joyful and/or remorseful is a true state of being in order to influence myself and others as being divine and/or sinful according to an experience of myself within and as the physical wherein I manipulated and constructed alternate views of myself as I became possessed and obsessed with wanting and seeking more until I manifested and created abuse towards myself and others as I played the deadly game of polarity. I stop. I breathe. I stand here before myself in self-honesty and bare myself for me to see who and what I have become and I strengthen myself according to the principle of equality so that all life here may not continue to manifest and construct abuse, but instead see the part of themselves within and as all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a self defined category of self hatred and self regret according to and as a self destructive nature wherein I accepted and allowed myself to be and become blame and shame within anger and sorrow and within that destroyed the nature of life for myself and generations to come just like my mom and dad, and their mom and dad as we continued to destroy life according to and as the direction of our mind. I stop the cycle of abuse.  I breathe. I direct myself for and as all life here according to the principle of equality where I accept and allow all life a world lived in self-honesty here within and as the physical purified as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want, need and desire to be right according to some divine wisdom and/or insight as knowledge and information that I believed I had, which I never did have, but was only existing as according to and as the direction of my mind in which I willingly participated.  Instead I direct me here in self-honesty as the breath of life in this moment having no predetermination and/or ideas or preconceived wisdom except to will myself here as all as one as equal as I stand in support of an Equal Money System as a beginning solution for all to live side by side in dignity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt and fear myself as not being life worthy wherein I remain silent yet within that I still want and desire attention from others as if I’m some sort of fallen rock star that never was, as I hated myself for the very desires  that I long ago accepted and allowed and acted as for so long until I became them.   I stop. I breathe. I let resistance go as who I have been.  I stand within and as self-honesty and accept and allow myself to become life birthed here within and as the physical as all as one as Equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take all life for granted as I abused myself mentally as I participated in thoughts and became an abomination to and as creation wherein I didn’t realize how I was creating brutality and terror that exists within and as this world where innocent children are suffering daily. Instead I stand and direct myself according to and as the principle of equality wherein I support an Equal Money System accepting and allowing all life to exist in dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself according to and as the direction of my mind as thoughts to such a degree that I didn’t even recognize who I was or how I was becoming amidst the clutter of feelings and emotions swelling inside me as desires of my flesh would beg for attention wherein I lost all senses of myself and what is real here within and as this physical reality. I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow me completely to face me here standing as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself wherein I believed that I am not capable and allowed myself to struggle according to the direction of my mind within an idea of who I am and/or was wherein I have been selfish and unforgiving of myself and all life as I directed myself in spite towards myself and others. I stop. I breathe. I  accept and allow myself to be and become worthy of and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be strong when really I wanted to crawl away and hide wherein I judged myself as being inadequate and ineffective according to an experience of myself when I was a child in which I predetermined who I would be and how I would act and in the process became the very definition of misery. Instead I direct me here according to and as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in love with faith and hope wherein I didn’t know what self-responsibility really meant because I remained lost in dreams of a better day and a better energetic experience of myself as I existed in selfish pride and ego as I manifested heartache and greed upon myself and others. I stop. I breathe. I stand before myself and face myself in self-honesty as I support an Equal Money System for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself from life according to how I defined myself within the words faith and hope that a higher being was going to come here and sort me and this world out with a solution separate from myself and all wherein I would then bow and kneel at their disposal.  Instead I stand and take self-responsibility for myself and all life in realising that the solution to all and everything here is based on the equality equation wherein all life is determined according to and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not life worthy and/or that my light does not shine bright enough and equal to others wherein I have forsaken myself and others according to the desires of and as the direction of my mind. Instead I stand and realise that I am life worthy according to and as the principle of equality as I stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a holy place in the sky where I would go when I died because I was saved according to my belief in a God and/or Jesus who I believed died on the cross for my sins and  because I believed in it for and as selfish reasons I then believed that I was washed in the blood of Jesus.  Instead I stand and direct me here according to and as the principle of equality within an understanding that all living beings are sacred and deserve to live a life in dignity.  I direct myself within and as my physical body as I stand in support of an Equal Money System for all life to live heaven on earth for real.

 

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Outcome Equality

My whole life I never considered as a possibility that I can simply say what a situation is without trying to control the outcome according to and as the direction of and as my mind -  because the direction of my mind had never considered –

that the only outcome applicable is that of all life here according to and as all as one as Equal.  No exceptions.  And that I have to ask the correct question in order to receive the answer required for and as self in the exact moment, which is always only here breathing in this moment.

I cannot accept an answer as who I am – until I’ve lived the answer through and as accumulated action of and as myself as who I am in self-honesty, self-trusting, self-directing, and willing self in giving up all of who I’ve been to redesign an outcome becoming to and as the Principle of Equality where all life is considered within and as any and all outcome. So in my questioning, I must always first ask myself, is the outcome within my answer what’s best for All and in all ways Equality – Simply lived as who I am as All as One as Equal.

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Exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as backchat/secret mind through feelings and/or emotions of how I experienced myself as a child according to and as the direction of my mind as not being adequate, smart enough and/or worthy of standing equal to and as all as one as equal.  I stop. I breathe. I direct myself as my mind in and as self-responsibility according to and as the Principle of Equality standing here in support of an Equal Money System for all living beings to live life in dignity once and for All.

 

Exposed

 

 

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See our conditioning and support Equal Money

Money is accepted as more important than life in this world and proof of that is in the millions who are currently starving.  So we all depend on money to survive, we slave for it, and we desire it in the secret places of our mind in which we barely notice, and we try to deny that Money is God.  In the past I have denied it as well,  but now I see there is no denying the condition we exist as so the power we’ve given money must be distributed equally amongst all.  While writing a mind construct in SRA I’ve been discovering, forgiving and releasing the parts of me I’ve been denying.  It’s a humbling experience to say the least and one in which I’m still revealing.

How I was controlled by this world and others in my world according to and as money was not as it seemed but was because of how I perceived and believed myself to be.  I did not consider and fully understand how I participated in creating experiences of myself,  which was according to an illusion, which I made real through how I defined myself according to what existed and currently exists within this world which was/is the very illusion in which I participated within and as according to the direction I accepted and allowed by my mind.  I became angry, and I was actually angry towards myself because I didn’t succeed in manipulating my parents so that I could have an experience of myself the way I wanted and in my accepted and allowed dishonesty, I directed my anger towards my parents in blame through spiteful thoughts, where I accepted and allowed myself to remain dishonest as I attempted to manipulate them through acting out in reactions of emotions and feelings in order to achieve a certain experience of myself according to the way in which I believed was best for me.  I did not consider what was best for all.  I then transformed and manifested my ideas into a reality which I then experienced as being real, when in actuality, none of it was real as it was all constructed and designed according to a principle hidden, lived and applied under  God/Money. 

Money is the design that connects us all and allows us to continue in spite, greed and ego, the manipulation game of having, seeking and desiring to be and have more than another – instead of considering what is best for all.

I cannot blame or condemn because I, individually, as myself am as much responsible for what this world has become as anyone existing here.  I did nothing, I sat back and accepted and allowed abuse to continue because of my own self-interest according to the fears that I became as a manifested condition of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist according to and as a condition of myself defined according to and as money where I manipulated and attempted to control others in my world so that I may achieve a place of supremeness where I believed, accepted and allowed spitefulness and dishonesty to be who I became and participated in within my mind as I acted in emotional outflows of myself in order to achieve the desired attention of another all the while hiding in fear of facing myself.

I stop. I breathe. I direct myself here according to and as the Principle of Equality in understanding that Money is God and that in order to survive within this world we all require money/god, so I accept and allow and I stand in support of an Equal Money System so that all may live their life in dignity as All as One as Equal.

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Money stress within family will stop–with Equal Money

I am more aware than ever how fucked up feelings and emotions and participating in thoughts are. The proof is in the mind construct I’m currently writing with regards to my step dad.  My mind resists me seeing what I’ve held suppressed for so many years – but I keep breathing and pushing myself. I am seeing how I misinterpreted my complete experience of myself as a child where I existed in emotional outbursts, fears and ideas according to how and what I accepted and allowed myself to believe in, with regards to how a father should behave and act towards his daughter – and when he didn’t, I tortured myself within my mind and overlooked what I was really accepting and allowing because I feared facing myself.

The thing that amazes me the most is the part about the money that my mind didn’t want me to notice. But now, I’ve been able to see how money was the defining reason as to why my step dad responded to me the way he did because he worked physically hard to provide food and a place to live and everything else a family requires to function properly within this world. Our current money system has never assisted and supported anyone, and society frowns upon a father who is not bringing in enough money to support his family. Of course he was proud, but I suppose that assisted him to survive the best he knew how and/or was willing to see according to his fear of survival. The pressures regarding money become extreme within a home, and children are left to the imagination and direction of their mind. The thought participation fuels emotional and feeling disturbance’s inside us to such a degree that children then act accordingly in fear.  Self-abuse then becomes the prominent pattern of their existence according to the direction as a mind consciousness system. 

It will be benefitting and very assisting to the child if parents will just be self-honest in facing themselves, and share with their children appropriately their fears, because the mind is not able to respond so quickly to self-honesty.  Which will provide the child the opportunity to see the common sense.  So as to be able to stop themselves from becoming the identity according to their fears based on thoughts and ideas of their mind.  Clearly an Equal Money System is the solution because people are requiring immediate assistance. Stress regarding money will then be eliminated within the family construct and will allow everyone to stop fear of survival.  Which will then allow self-expression to begin a natural flow as who we are. I am 1 Vote for Equal Money & World Equality.

back to my lesson…

 

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