Tag Archive | programming

Day 246: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Process Update – Day 29

Artwork By Marlen Vargas Del Razo

universeiswaiting

In the latter part of 2007, shortly after I began applying the tools of Desteni, (soon I will be sharing my Desteni Witness Blog for further clarity), I remember ‘thinking’ that if I were to come down with some sort of disease or illness, that I would not waste a minute, that I would take advantage of every moment and apply the Desteni tools to assist myself to get well.  Little did I realize then, that doing so, would be my biggest  challenge.

So, here I am with breast cancer and walking daily a strict diet and routine where often I am physically ill and so the reality and the extent of years of brainwashing/programming often gets the most of me. All the thinking I’ve participated in over the years offers nothing for me in the way of actually assisting and supporting me physically, and, even though I have proved to myself over the past 5 1/2 years the effectiveness of the Desteni tools when applied, I still have resistance and have to push myself to share my process here because who I am as my mind, doesn’t want to write about it…

So, despite my resistance, I’m here, to give a brief update about how my alternative treatment plan for cancer is coming along…Please Remember, this is My Treatment Plan and that everybody’s individual treatment plan will differ…

Alright so recently I’ve come to understand more about the ‘lump/tumor’ itself. Meaning, in the beginning I had expectations in that I believed that the lump would ‘hopefully’ decrease in size. I now understand that that is not entirely so.

 “…the tumor is merely the symptom of the disease, that most tumors have only a relatively small proportion of cancer cells: consequently, getting rid of the cancer often leaves behind a tumor of benign tissue as a memorial to the victory of nature over the disease. To use the reduction of tumor mass as the primary test of efficacy is indefensible from a scientific point of view and is further evidence of the appalling ignorance of orthodox researchers.” ~ John A Richardson, M.D.

“What water is to thirst, so normal metabolism is to cancer.” – John Richardson, MD, Richardson Newsletter, 1978.

Alright so, in the past 3 to 4 weeks there have been some noticeable changes:

*All pain/energy that I was experiencing a couple times a week in the area of my breast where the lump is located has stopped.

*During my “On” Cycle, ( which is what I refer to when I’m on the Pancreatic Enzymes) I notice that now the lump/tumor itself, it swells. I’ve learned that is normal and can be compared to what happens when one smashes their thumb in that the cells in the area itself will swell as a way of protecting itself.

So basically the lump is attempting to protect itself from the Pancreatic Enzymes which is cool in that I now know that the Enzymes are getting to the cancer cells and ridding my body of them.

 “At least 86% of all cancer conditions could be adequately treated and/or prevented by diet and pancreatic enzymes.

Cancer is a symptom of inadequate and deficient protein metabolism. The real problem is protein metabolism, not cancer. Cancer is only a symptom telling those who would listen that their protein metabolism is in very serious trouble. 

One hundred years ago Dr. John Beard at the University of Edinburgh discovered that the body’s primary mechanism for destroying cancer is contained in pancreatin, a secretion from the pancreas that includes enzymes for digesting protein (among other things). Enzymes digest or liquefy foods for absorption by the body. Dr. Beard presented pictures in his books and papers to show recoveries using pancreatin. This was an unprecedented approach to treating the symptoms of cancer — a direct attack on the malignancy with a substance that did not have toxic side effects on the other functions of the body.” ~ Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

*Recently, I also finished what’s called ‘The Liver-Gallbladder’Flush, and doing this thing, was like living proof for myself of how our mind will direct us to ‘fear’ that which we’ve never heard of or done before. I mean it has taken me 3 months to ‘get up the nerve’ so to speak to finally do this and the ‘idea’ within my mind was waaaaaaay worse than the actual physical process of doing so. And the benefits of doing so have assisted my physical body greatly so what I’m realizing is that it doesn’t matter whether my mind likes the idea of something or not, what matters is that which will assist my physical body. Liking and disliking things is nothing but a lie that our mind would have us believe in and I am no longer willing to participate in that sort of bullshit.

*Another thing I’ve added recently that Dr. Kelley suggests, is every day I liquefy 3 to 6 heaping tablespoons, (but no more than that) of raw beef liver to my morning juice. Another fear that I’ve had to walk the self corrective application of,  and in doing so have realized that taking the liver is making a Huge difference in that I am having more strength and a general awareness of how much my physical body is lovin it.

“Liver is a wonderful energy food and cannot be surpassed as a blood builder. It is especially crucial for leukemia and lymphoma patients, as their blood is unusually weak. However, all cancer patients can benefit from the intake of raw liver before noon each day. In the mid 1960s, when Dr. Kelley was told he was in the final stages of pancreatic and liver cancer, he found that raw liver blended into carrot juice gave him strength when everything else he ate made him feel ill.

Raw organic, antibiotic-free and hormone-free liver contains a multitude of live enzymes, amino acids and other intrinsic factors that science has not yet identified, which are destroyed when the liver is cooked. (References to “intrinsic” or “unidentified” food factors are fairly common in nutritional literature. They result from clinical reactions, which cannot be linked to known nutrients. Raw liver for cancer patients is an excellent example of powerful therapeutic, but unexplained, effects.) There are no supplements or drugs that can take the place of raw liver; none are in any way comparable in their effects. Eating raw liver ensures thorough digestion and the replacement of expended nutrients, promoting excellent health.” ~ One Answer to Cancer

*Just to note here that at the moment, I’m only able to stay to the ‘ON Cycle’ for 7 to 9 days where in the first month I was able to stay ‘ON’ for 10 to 13 days – this then is when I become toxic,  which at this point begins with a severe headache – which means it’s time to go OFF Everything to give my body 5 days to recover and repair itself.

*I’m also seeing that I’m having more pimples on my overall physical body which is cool because this is another way my body is getting rid of the cancer.

*I’ve now had 2 HCG Specimen Tests or, The Titer Urine Test, both of which I get the results of through ‘The Navarro Medical Clinic‘, which is under the direction of Dr. Efren Navarro. I will be taking the test again in 2 months.

Here are my results:

Dear Cathy,

Your latest HCG Test Result on 07/20/2013 is:
Index + 4,(53.0 Int. Units)

This is within the positive range. It remains unchanged as compared to the last one on 06/05/13(53.0 IU).

It has been a month or more from the last test and Alternative medication takes time and at times the result may take longer to go down. At least, this one did not go up which is good.

I suggest that you do continue with your alternative regimen.

A range of 49 or below will indicate remission: Interpretation of Readings

Wishing you the best of health, I remain.

EFNavarro,MD

*I’ve also been experiencing some overall pain throughout my entire physical body. Though, the pain is greater in the area of my lower left abdomen and my upper back and neck area. Fortunately I’ve been able to assist myself through/with breathing techniques given to me specifically during my weekly chat with Sunette Spies.

So, the biggest problem is Not my physical body as it’s doing quite well actually. The biggest problem is and has always been who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as my mind as Consciousness.  This I am becoming more and more aware of and I will continue to direct myself to stop the self interest of and as it that I’ve consumed myself as for my entire life and Direct myself to investigate, forgive and release the constructs and preprogramming and re-design myself according to what’s Best for All.  Because I’m coming to a clearer understanding within myself, that life is not a lesson, but more an opportunity to Face All of who we are within all and everything that is here.

It’s too bad that we accept and allow Money to be that which motivates us, because in the end, Money isn’t even real enough to go with us when we die. In the end we won’t want a huge pile of money sitting beside us to bid us farewell, No!

So, how come we don’t ask ourselves why we’re so afraid to Give to All that which only those with Money are able to receive when we could All come Together in Agreement and Give to All that which we would Each like to Receive?

Investigate: Living Income Guaranteed proposal.

****************

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that resistance to change is indicating the control of the accepted and allowed patterns of my current limited version of me as self interest that occupies the space and time that I realize I must change to become that which is best for all life as me in the part I am as participation in the current accepted whole as the one system that exist as humanity and this world.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it acceptable that others may suffer by the effect I cause while I take time to sort out my priorities without regard that at this moment, while I am occupied, another is in a position that will improve faster if I act immediately and with sustained consistency till that which is best for all life is here in every way.” Bernard Poolman 

“I commit myself to prioritize my life to that which is best for me in the way that it is best for all life realizing that I cannot do it all, but what I do I must do well and in the full understanding and certainty that I will produce me as the optimum life form here that will be best for the process to life. I commit myself to consistency in action with the understanding that as I walk to life, that which I become as life will become easier through time and I accept the pressure and resistance that will go along with the reintegration of that which is best for all life as I understand that the resistance are the indicator that makes the reality of the process measurable.” Bernard Poolman

****************

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Advertisements

Day 163: Don’t put them in your mouth

I kept my 2 year old granddaughter today and I found a box of glass marbles hidden away on a top shelf in my closet so I decided it would be fun to share them with her. Obviously, I knew in common sense that I would not leave her unsupervised with them. So, the two of us sat on the floor and began to hold them and touch them and that’s when I began to see how one line of thought had been triggered just by touching them, and my mind wanted me to tell her: “Don’t put them in your mouth”.

I resisted saying it out loud for a moment as I breathed and stopped the thought, but then, I saw her pick one of the marbles up and gently touch it to her cheek. When I saw her do that I immediately reacted and I heard myself say: “don’t put them in your mouth”. She kind of shook her head up and down when she heard me and continued to investigate every inch of each one of them.

She was really enjoying them but as for me, I was fidgety and having difficulty enjoying the moment because I had an image/thought within my mind where I saw her putting one in her mouth and within that I became fearful.  And again I had the urge to tell her: “don’t put them in your mouth”.

How crazy is it when you know you’re not going to leave a small child alone with something that they could easily swallow but within your head, your mind is like repeating illusions of your own fear over and over. I mean, what ends up happening is, we project our illusion of fear onto the child until they act out and become the very thing within our mind we fear will happen!

Thus, here I will be investigating / walking self-forgiveness of the dimensions of the line of thought: “Don’t put them in your mouth”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and become distracted in the thought “don’t put them in your mouth” where within me the thought became more important than my physical reality moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the image/thought within my mind of a marble being physically put into the mouth and choked on and/or causing death to an invisible image within my mind where I imprinted the face of and projected my fear upon my granddaughter within and as a feeling of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the very thought of  my granddaughter choking on a marble so much so that the thought itself is able to change the very nature of who I become simply because there was marbles in the room, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to know that I am able to be responsible and that I will not leave a small child in the room with something like marbles especially since I realize in common sense that small children have an instinct to put things in their mouth as they explore their world, thus, I’m not stupid, I know in common sense that I must remain aware of the child, and I see, realize and understand that it is Not necessary to fear such images/thoughts within my mind because i know I am directing and standing responsible for the child to ensure their safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally be afraid of the line of thoughts as words within my mind of “don’t put them in your mouth” because I see, realize and understand how those words for me represented fear within me because me as my mind accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied by the idea of fear of loss of control.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when I saw my granddaughter touch the marble to her face have a reaction within myself where I immediately had to stop the urge to repeat to her that she was not to put the marbles in her mouth, when I knew within myself that she was only exploring the coolness of the touch of the marble on her face, and I see, realize and understand how the constant repetitive behaviors as reactions of/as fear is how I / we manifest and create consequences within our world that we so desperately try and escape from.

When and as I see myself experiencing a line of thought where I allow myself to become distracted and focus on an image/thought pattern within my mind which is triggered by something within my present moment – I stop and I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the repeating thought pattern is of and as a past memory of which I realize has no real control of who I am in this moment unless I allow it, thus I commit myself to through self-forgiveness in self-honesty re-design myself free from the memory where marbles once held a place of fear within me according to how I defined myself within and as it.

I commit myself to stop reacting and projecting fear onto my granddaughter based upon a memory and creating within me a point of fear of loss according to a repeating thought pattern.

I commit myself to see, realize that in self-honesty I am able to will myself to stop patterns of fear within and as my mind as consciousness and to direct myself to remain here within the moment of breath to enjoy myself interacting and enjoying each moment I’m given of and as life.

Day 162: Blast from the Past

Today I received a phone call from a friend from my past that I haven’t spoken to in just over 5 years. The first thing I noticed when we started talking was an awkward silence and the realization that the connection we used to have between us, was simply not there.

However, our mind uses memory to compensate for those moments of awkwardness and it wasn’t long before the manipulation tactics began and I became aware of the familiarity in how our minds were seeking to rekindle those old feelings we once believed were so special between us. In a flash of a moment I was reminded of the direction that I had once chosen as I accepted and allowed my mind to guide me in the direction that would best benefit the self-interest of us both. I sat there looking within myself and realized that here was a peculiar moment I was fortunate to be witness to.

In one sense, the future as my past with the friend and me appeared the same as it had always been and yet, the fact of the matter was, something was entirely different, changed. It was then that I breathed in the relief that it was me who had moved from that particular space and time and was walking in a completely different direction.

I was surely grateful for the moment.  And, I am grateful for the Life Skills I’ve learned and applied through Desteni I Process, because that is how I’ve been able to assist myself to decide who I am within this moment, and for the clarity of my choice in the direction I am walking – to not settle for anything less than the decision I stand by and as, to walk my life according to what’s best for all.

LOL,, was interesting, how the phone call just sort of ended, with barely even a good bye.

Above Artwork by Lindsay Craver

Day 161: The Child is Mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the words “the child is mine” over and over within my mind where the ‘idea’ of the child being mine became more important than who the child and I were together within our relationship with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself from the very moment my child was born to instantly become protective in how I believed his physical reality/world was suppose to feel and be to/for him and how I would attempt to manipulate and influence the very nature of who he would become and how within doing so, I never stopped to consider what I was taking away from him as an expression of who he really is free from the preprogramming of and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to have unprotected sex and thus never considered the consequences of having a baby so young that when my son was born I didn’t even realize how terrified I was because suddenly, I had this small life before me and I didn’t even know how to be responsible for myself much less responsible for a baby, thus I ran from my fears and became busy, busy within my mind trying to make sense of life and busy at trying to make it look like on the outside that I was a good mom who knew what she was doing, while on the inside, I was lost, confused and trying to hide from the truth of me as the hopelessness I was running from, and within that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my children to be molded into and as the characters/personalities  that I became day after day as I attempted to survive within this world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically insist that my belief in a God become the belief of my child where I never allowed my child the opportunity to question the belief which I would later realize was my way of avoiding taking responsibility for what I was willing to accept and allow within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to boost my own ego over the well being and the limited understanding that I had of the developing mind of my young son/child, where I didn’t consider what the act of ‘showing him off’ would have upon the nature of the characters/personalities that he would later become as a direct result of the role that I played as the pride in/as being a parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope that my son will forgive me for the mistakes I made in raising him when the fact is, it is me that I am waiting for to forgive myself for because I regret the decisions and mistakes I made in raising my children because at the time all I could think of was how to get to the experience where I was having fun because I believed that was all that life was about.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the characters and personalities of and as my mind which have been passed down from generation to generation have never changed in that we continue our cycles of self-interest and greed and only think about how can we be happy and content and to hell with the world we’re giving to our children.

to be continued…

Day 147: I Can Do This

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Day 146: Family Unfair

I commit myself to when and as I see myself begin to go into shut down inside myself, where in that moment I realize within my mind that I have no control over who, what or how my step dad is with regards to what and how he believes/exists as, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to stop who I become in fear to/towards him as I slow myself down and remind myself of what I know in that, I see, realize and understand that our world requires direction as it cannot and will not be able to continue as it is with the multitude of abuse and suffering that is increasing daily. Thus, I realize that we can longer deny the ignorance of sitting in silence believing in a hero or a God to fix the mess that we’re All responsible for, nor can we deny that money is the weapon we use against each other which keeps us enslaved and imprisoned within our mind of/as hate, greed, competition, war and spite, because as that, we are manifesting our own demise, therefore, I commit myself to standing up as one voice and one vote for an Equal Money system, because with Equal Money, I know for sure that the systems of this world will be redesigned according to what’s best for all, and within that, the proper nourishment for our physical bodies and our physical reality will receive the direction that is greatly required to create Heaven on Earth. Thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as reactions and fear when speaking to my step dad and instead,  I commit myself to walking the self-correction of who I am in self-honesty until I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the sins of the fathers, and mothers, to thus stop existing as a parent with fear which influence and stifles the child where the child will live a life of more fear, to instead apply what I see is common sense in who I am in self-honesty.

I commit myself to realizing that directing myself to speak without reactions and to speak in a stable manner will take practice because I see, realize and understand that I have never known any other way of living, therefore I commit myself to breathing and remaining patient with myself in continuing to write, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that I leave no room for excuses to not commit myself to practice changing.

Day 146: Family Unfair

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Investigating myself further after having heard: Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 3 from Eqafe – which I highly recommend hearing the entire ongoing series of – I’ve realized how, in regards to who I become around my step dad, is much more than just the ‘character of defeat’. When in fact it’s multiple different personalities and characters that I take on and become through and as fear.  Thus, as I take on the points I will be continuing here with self-forgiveness and statements of self-commitment.

Self-forgiveness
Fear Dimension cont.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as my mind utilize fear as control where within my mind physical reality I manipulated myself in believing that I was treated unfair, rejected within my family, how when I realized that I cannot control who my step dad is in relationship to how I want him to ‘feel’ and ‘act’ towards me, then within and as my mind I become fearful, thus, I utilize anger, negativity, comparison and or justifications as the ways and means that I accept and allow myself to further manipulate myself where I remain in fear of and thus submit myself to self-abuse according to how and what he lives as and believes in, thus, I exist the same in which I remain stuck within the point, which I see, realize and understand isn’t real, yet in fear of not being what I perceive he wants me to be, I never actually walk the point of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain preconditioned and preprogrammed through fear according to my mind perception of losing control.

Thought and Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought as an image/picture to automatically come up within my conscious mind of/as me when I was a child, in how as I was sitting and looking out my bedroom window, I would accept and allow one thought/image/picture to come forth from within me automatically over and over within a desire to be ‘the special one’ of my step dad’s children, and how I defined my relationship to myself according to how I used that single thought/image/picture to make myself feel special and loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed one thought/image/picture to completely become me where I completely ignored who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind imagine that I am walking tall through my house feeling comfortable and stable when in reality I was physically curled up like a ball in my bed in feelings of loneliness.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I accepted and allowed myself to through fear utilize hope in seeing/believing that my step dad was a God in the sense that I idolized the idea of him while I blamed him for every fear I held within me when in fact he was not to blame for it was only me that I have always feared facing.

Backchat and Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I held myself in polarity within my mind physical body in spite as backchat towards my step dad of: “he’s so mean” yet within me I secretly desired to be the single point of his affection because I believed that receiving that would somehow validate me as a daughter.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifested experiences of myself as feeling ashamed of myself through repeating negative and/or positive thought patterns over and over within and as my mind in how I told myself that I shouldn’t ‘feel’ rejected when I didn’t receive his attention and then ‘feeling’ over stimulated when I did, and within that not realizing that for every positive outcome there will be a negative, thus always existing in polarity.

PHYSICAL Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressure in the upper to middle area of my back when I resist and suppress voicing me in self-honesty, where within the perception of and as who I am as my quantum mind, I fear loss of control, thus physically feel as if I’m sitting in a pressure cooker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my face and ears to become flushed with heat within the discharge of a massive amount of energy due to inner conflict/friction that has through time built up through and as a personality that I accept and allow myself to be and become in fear of standing in self-honesty in the face of my step dad.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to not stand in self-honesty where I then feel guilt and condemnation towards myself because I realize how I allowed fear in abdicating myself from life as myself, thus continuing to support our abusive world/money systems.

to be continued

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

For context Please read: Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Fear Dimension/Self-Defeat – Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a variety of spectators/characters/personalities, as if I’ve been living on the outside of myself in fear of looking in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I comfort who I am as my mind through certain experiences like when I’m talking with my step dad and using memories as emotional and feeling ‘conversational pieces’ similar to how we feel when we eat certain things which we refer to as ‘comfort food’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear of who I am within a perception of love as a safety net within and as my mind where I am bound by and live as an imprinted version of/as the mind of my parents which I have accepted myself to be since the moment I was born as that which I believed I needed, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing who I really am within what I have allowed because I accepted the belief that I was to weak and emotionally too close for comfort to face and stop who I am as an imprinted illusion of myself of/as those who have gone before me, thus, for my entire life experience I have grown dependent upon energetic memories and/or experiences of myself which create a false sense of comfort as emotions and feelings – which I see, realize and understand in self-honesty, is how me as my mind doesn’t want to give up the illusion, thus how the famiLIE construct assures that I will never take self-responsibility for how, who and what I have accepted and allowed in how our world exists and how within the illusion of/as memories/characters and personalities of and as my mind I continue to support a world/money system which supports the abuse we together as a humanity manifest/create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing the role that money plays in relation to what I will accept and allow and behave as within the dynamics of the family relationship/construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as money and how  I use money to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as the core point in how I manipulate myself and others in my attempt to behave and experience myself as happy and in control when always money is the underlying lie motivating an illusion of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed a separate illusion named ‘God’ to comfort me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as a religious belief which I’ve used it to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to a man to fulfill in me that which I believed I had to have as CONfidence in order to understand who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become dependent upon the one idea that I believed would pull me through and give me ‘the strength to carry on when nothing else would’, which was to have and be received by/through the ‘love of a father’.

 

to be continued…