Archive | January 2011

Ahhha Moment – Stopping Mind Possession

I had one of those moments when I had to pop myself on the head, one of those ‘ahhha’ moments.  Something so obvious – the ‘mind’ is but examples of possession. The mind possess us as we give it permission. Instead of standing as self – we exist through the mind.  Sounds simple enough.  I have written similar words before – especially after having been possessed within energy and mind images where the words on my computer screen were actually moving and dancing.  And, I’ve seen images in my bedroom begging me to come talk to them and I actually had to muster up the courage to do so, only to realize they were nothing more than mere distractions of my mind of which I allowed myself to participate in.  A Big Clue for self – If you can’t touch it here within and as the ‘Physical’ – then it’s not real.  Which is why it should be easy for us to figure out that our thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions are not real. So how come we accept and allow it as who we are? Because, The Mind is Examples of Mind Possession. We have to Stop…

The energy within the possessions I’ve had in the past year became very familiar and frequent as I realized trigger points and stopped and breathed through them in self-honesty and self-forgiveness, and they have stopped.

However, the more subtle energy ‘mini mind possessions’, (for lack of more specific definition) are not so easily detectable.

‘Harder still’ when one doesn’t realize their creating their mind possession through and as participation in the ‘secret mind’ and ‘back chat’ because the ‘thoughts happen so fast’.

(See the beginning three words at the beginning of that sentence – and then the three words at the end of my sentence)

lol – ‘harder still when – thoughts happen fast’

Something similar is what began a ‘mini mind possession’, I allowed where I became ‘amused’ in something I was writing in a blog and therein I became distracted to the point of possession. Fortunately, each haven’t lasted long before I realized what I had accepted and allowed, and I stopped.  There doesn’t have to be a visual image, but, they were fantasy self-formed by the mind as me, in which I participated within and as.  Such as my past thoughts, and/or emotions and feelings, or an idea, a memory or just a word or letter, number or symbol will be a trigger point. Mind Possession can be triggered by anything and everything.

The energy within these types of mind possessions are ego related and last according to my specific thought pattern and/or emotional feeling charge – and of course according to how long I continue to accept and allow myself to participate.  I’m still investigating for myself and I’m discovering some cool trigger points to assist myself to stop and remain here breathing with myself in self-honesty.

One point I realized is that I have walked through and stopped the ‘feeling’ of stupid when I realize my participation. I don’t allow myself to feel guilty or bad about myself.  I just stop, breathe, realize the trigger point, apply self-forgiveness in self honesty – and remain in this moment here as All as One as Equal.

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Demonology – Revealing the world of Demons

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Relationships of Consciousness

Life or Consciousness – all of my relationships are self-related – and are according to how and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as my past and my relationship with myself. This is how I/we continue to exist as Consciousness within our mind as a system of resonant patterns, mind constructs and particles that hold the key as to who we all are.

When I have entered a new relationship, I would then accept, allow and expect them to define me for me. Which is exactly what relationships reveal, in that they define who and what I have accepted and allowed and how I am existing within and as my placement within consciousness within my mind and my world within and as All here.

All are particles of me that I assume no longer relate to who I am as I turn and walk away from myself and a past relationship. There is,  and has always been, a relationship existent wherever I am, whether it is actually here within the physical, or whether it existed only in my mind.   When I have ended a relationship for any of numerous, well ‘thought out’ reasons, I was always quick to re-establish another relationship similar in version to the one that I just ended. My decisions were those directed within and as consciousness as me as my mind in which I gave permission as I participated.

‘Mind Consciousness Systems’ thrive, survive and update as we continue to accept and allow ourself to participate within and as the resonant energy of thought patterns and the misconceptions within our mind’s perception that we are actually experiencing ourself within and as our physical reality when all we’ve really been experiencing is the programming according to consciousness directing us as our mind.

Every time I began a ‘new’ relationship, I brought all of who I am, what I’ve become and existed as, within all that I’ve accepted and allowed — I would then lay it all out before the new relationship, as if to reveal and re-establish for myself, a part of me I’ve yet to face.

The particles of me that are revealed are carefully established by me through my acceptances and allowances as a ‘Mind Consciousness System’ even before I have entered the new relationship.  Because, as I left each past relationship, having not faced myself in self-honesty within it, the accumulated effects, of it and the dishonesty within it, compound in my mind as projections, which manifest the future of me and my world.  I am then only ever facing particles of resonant patterns of me as my self-related accepted and allowed past that I’ve projected into and as the future, as the present.

When I face myself in self-honesty – Stopping participation in my thoughts and memories and Stopping the energy of emotions and feelings – and as I walk the path of Self-forgiveness, Breathing, remaining here – only then will I Self-Realize who I really am, as Life within and as tangible substance, which is me here within and as the Physical, as the Whole of us All, within the Equality Equation, as All as One as Equal.

Stop yourself as a ‘Mind Consciousness System’ – Assist Yourself
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Releasing My Right To Bear Arms

This is where ‘Pushing’ myself comes to ‘Shove’.  I don’t want to blog. I actually just want to become lost in a movie and I’ve not experienced that of myself in awhile.  I notice a sort of nothingness within myself.  Like there’s just nothing to say, a blankness.  Ok, that’s where I’ll begin.  I recall from the “PRACTICAL DESTENI – Blog” – where Sunette writes the following:

Blank-Thoughts are thoughts that come-Up in the Conscious-Mind that manifest the momentary experience within and as the Conscious-Mind as ‘nothingness’, because the nature/manifestation of ‘Blank-Thoughts’ as the substance it exist-As, is ‘nothingness/blankness’.
One will thus accordingly experience that which one become/participate-In, and so will become equal-to the blankness of/as the nothingness as the nature/substance of/as such Thoughts, and then experience oneself to be ‘blank’, when in-fact one is participating-in/becoming a actual manifested Blank-Thought that come-up as a ‘protection/defence-mechanism’ to not face/experience a particular something/someone in one’s world/reality. Sunette

So, when and where did this blankness within me begin…
It just hit me like a ton of bricks because earlier today – I made a comment about my two oldest children which was,  ‘the very thing that my two oldest children have held against me for so long, they are in fact now becoming’.   That was all that I said when A mentioned her sister was coming to visit her.  There was a slight agitation within me and I noticed how tense I had become in my back shoulder blade area. I stopped, I breathed and I applied self-forgiveness.  The entire moment was fast and it seemed that I corrected myself.  Yet, it was directly after that when I began to drift in and out of a sort of ‘nothingness’ and/or ‘blank-thought’.

I might just as well have went and picked up a loaded gun as my means of defense. I have written much with regards to my two oldest children and this is not about them. So to bring this point here, back to self, what is it that I’m not facing in this point.  It’s a point that I always defend myself with.  How come it is that I insist upon my ‘right to bear arms’.

Interesting that I just wrote that because that’s not something I’ve ever seen myself concerned about.  ‘The Right to Bear Arms’ is the concept that people have an individual right to own and carry weapons. The ‘Right’ to ‘Defend’ themselves. That’s exactly what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me.  If I get agitated, I become defensive.  I have heard in my tonality and have seen by the way I hold my mouth as well as in my physical posture how defensive I become.  Then I will retreat within myself as if I am withdrawing my weapon. That’s when I will manifest a blank thought which comes up  as a ‘protection/defense-mechanism’ to not face and/or experience a particular something/someone in my world/reality.

I just now had severe pain begin in my upper right shoulder that moves half way down my arm as well as pain around my right rib cage area that shoots through to my right shoulder blade. It hurts to breathe but I’m breathing.  I see that I accepted and allowed defensiveness as a means of survival and I used it as a means of resisting attack and to maintain control within keeping my placement within the system. Pain is worsening so I’m going to read Veno’s Structural Resonance about shoulder’s and arms. Will copy and place here.

I’m looking at a part from:  Veno – Structural Resonance – Part 2 – Phase 5

“The SHOULDER points represent your ‘strength’ and ‘vigour ‘ which you ‘inherited’/tran­sferred and copied/duplicated specifically from your parents – which is also able to be referred to as specific ‘survival skills’. Therefore the system developed and manifested within your SHOULDER points is able to be referred to as the Survival Skill System. The left side SHOULDER point contain the survival skills ‘inherited’/tran­sferred and copied/duplicated from your mother and the right side SHOULDER point contain the survival skills ‘inherited’/tran­sferred and copied/duplicated from your father.
Your survival skills are also able to be referred to as your maintenance/control skills which provide you with the ability to maintain and control your world. To have you be able to place yourself effectively within the System as your world within which you ‘experience’ yourself as a consciousness structural resonance system, to place others effectively in your world so that everything within and of your world, including those within it – is placed to support and assist you in remaining a consciousness structural resonance system.
Survival in the context I am using the word here, is the survival of you as a consciousness structural resonance system within the System/your world within which you experience yourself. The survival of you as a consciousness structural resonance system is only effective in your ability to place yourself and to place others in your world, to maintain and control your world and those within it – which will assist and support you in remaining a consciousness structural resonance system.”

The pain is still here as my physical supports and confirms to me the point. It is alway amazing to witness a point for self and then to verify it through the Desteni material to be so very specific.  Self-Verification that the Desteni Material is accurate and effective.

 
When I become defensive I become excessively focused and concerned about guarding myself to the point that I stop realizing what was is a real threat to me here within and as my physical or an imagined threat within my mind.  The exposure of my self-definition through words have been brutal because in my defensiveness, I have often allowed myself to become sarcastic, hateful and spiteful.

 
So today I became possessed by my unconscious mind where I created a perception of myself as fear within and as me where I held myself within a point of energy that manifested in my physical experience.  This was a way to create anxiety through a diversion and/or intimidation tactic as a means of distorting the facts within how and what I am accepting and allowing myself to continue to exist as so as to not face my self-dishonesty and Stop. I did not stand equal and one as my children in that moment and instead through fear I  used a ‘reason’ to cope within the anxiety by explaining away the diversion and/or intimidation tactic by a dishonest explanation or justification. And within distorting the facts I allowed myself to justify my reason for not facing and stopping myself within the point.  The momentary experience results in impaired judgment and/or when I experience blankness/nothingness. This point is extensive and more writing is required.

 

 

The only thing I am defending is a point of self-limitation which is exactly how the Mind Consciousness Systems continue to thrive on and create through our accepting our fate as such.  The Proof is in our Current Money System and it’s abusiveness to All life.  To continue to support my own self-limitation through defensiveness is to support war and starvation and all the atrocity that exists here. Instead I stand as 1 Vote for an Equal Money System – to Stop abuse of All Life

 
We actually ‘Bear Arms’ whether we actually hold a gun in our hands or commit the very crimes we are disgusted by.  We allow a life to be killed by the very system we continue to support and hold within ourselves so desparately never realizing that in doing so we accept and allow the very thing we blame on those we refer to as ‘criminally insane’.

 
I Stop – I Breathe – I No longer accept this as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as defensiveness where I ‘bear arms’ against another as me as life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize or see the manifested consequence of deliberate self-defensiveness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the only reason or cause for me to hold onto memories and defensiveness and ego is deliberate because I have designed myself as a system. Instead I direct myself equal and one as all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the actual truth of me. To not have to stand up and take self-responsibility for me as what I am and what I do and have done while I remain in deliberate ignorance and hiding as an attempt subdue and suppress the truth of me of self-abdication of life as who I really am as all as one as equal – to exist as a limitation, a nothingness as a memory that is trapped in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all that I am is memories of past experiences that I exist within in the present to ensure the survival of me in the future, through creating my future in the present from the memories that I am and exist as according to the definition and existence of me as memories that I live that has become the nature of me as I am in the physical.

The Desteni I Process

Disassembling Fear Tactics

Today as I transcribed Sunette’s video:  “How we De-Compose our Physical-Bodies”. A particular part grabbed hold of me, where she says:

“So, let’s say for example, fear of speaking in front of a crowd of people and, throughout your life, you had instances wherein you were forced to basically face that fear and, no matter what you did, that fear still remained existent within you as an actual acceptance and, as you continued accepting and allowing that fear within yourself and, those thoughts to be ‘thought’ – meaning to be participated in throughout months or years – what then happen your physical actual start manifesting as that fear to the point where you are physically incapable of actually walking and standing in front of a crowd of people. And, then with the solidifying of that fear, as an actual system, in your human physical body, it puts pressure on the physical muscular tissue and, within the pressure it places on the physical muscular tissue because, the very solidifying of that system, in your human physical body – the solidification – within the solidification itself exist All the individual thoughts, that you had, in relation to that fear of standing in front of a crowd of people – every single thought in relation to that particular specific fear solidifies, as crystallizations, in and as the human physical body. Then, through time, in terms of as you now are living that fear in and as your actual human physical body, the resonant emmittance of and as that crystallization as that thought actually chaffs away at the very muscle tissue of and as the human physical body.” Sunette

*I realized within myself that I never really understood how I create and compound fear within me. This is specific in many areas of my life, in particular a point related to my mom and the point comes forth as a point of sadness.  Though I see fear existing within this point of sadness. I suppressed myself in particular in how I would use sadness as a point of getting my mom’s attention, because when I was sad and withdrawn is when I received the most attention from her. I would literally change my voice, my body posture and my behavior to impress upon her to see me.  My mom died 10 years ago and so I have avoided this point and have written very little in regards to her and me and how and what I have accepted and allowed.  This point requires much writing and disassembling. I will be writing this point out as her being the first ‘influential’ person I write about with regards to our lesson in SRA on mind constructs.

 

There is another point of fear that I realized today as well and that I have accepted and allowed and imposed upon myself as if it were a leach sucking the blood right out of me, and one I have existed as and avoided for 4 years which began as a minor traffic ‘violation’.  Referrencing the point as being like a leach is befitting as ‘self-violation’.

 
My lack of self-responsibility and action resulted in further and more serious charges and I was put on 2 years probation and completed all the necessary requirements of the law.  However, I knew that these ‘charges’ were still on my record. (And I continued to ”re-charge’ the very resonance existent within my subconscious and unconscious by my behavioral pattern as I functioned within and as the fear)

 
When the thoughts and fears within me would begin, I have stopped them.  However,  I had never really looked at the entirety of what has been proliferating within me.   I had in fact imposed judgment upon myself which compounded on top of the layers of fear to the point that it’s as if I had put myself  in a corner and then just walked away.  All because I didn’t want to face myself within what I had accepted and allowed a long time ago where I didn’t take self responsibility for my actions.  During the time I was arrested I was living reckless and careless.  I spent a few days in solitary confinement and a total of 2 weeks in jail and the fear of being put in jail again has ruled me and instead of facing my fear, I ignored it.

 

The thing about fear is that it is a great pretender and manipulator because when we accept and allow ourselves to fear we are making unjustified claims and statements against ourself as well as others and our world.  The intention of fear is always dishonest because it disassembles the abilities of self.  It leaves us mentally handicapped and stuck, where we are not able to see clearly in self-honesty the reality of ourself and how we’re existing, and what we’re manifesting within our world.  When we participate within our mind of fears we cannot direct ourself effectively one and equal with what is actually here.  Fear kept me located exactly within that which I was fearing and when I accept and allow that – I will always be or become equal and one with what I accept and allow.  I have proved this for myself in the past 3 years as I have walked the process of self-forgiveness and I have seen the manifested consequences of my participation.

 
The truth of this point of fear with regards to the charges is that I feared abandonment. I feared rejection and judgment by another when really in participating as such I was really fearing rejection, judgment and abandonment of myself and I backed myself right into a corner and that’s where I remained. I had not understood self trust and because of that I had always experienced self trust as something separate from me or in relation to that from another.  There is also the point of fear with regards to money because we spent alot of money on my case that we don’t have to spend again in such nonsense.  The fear of abdicating myself to the system to be swallowed up, because I witnessed plenty who are still in jail simply because they don’t have the money to pay their fines.  An Equal Money System – will stop the nonsense of locking people behind bars when they honestly don’t have the money to pay the outragious fines in which the current money system enforces.

 
I have had to face this point because we’re planning a trip to South Africa in April of next year so I knew that I now had to contact an attorney about getting the charges expunged. I have been expecting a return call from the attorney for a week and a half now.

 
So transcribing Sunette’s video today assisted me in facing points of fear within how I have accepted and allowed fear to control me.  Shortly after transcribing,  the attorney that I had previously contacted returned my call and I found out that my charges were and, have always been ‘deferred’ – meaning that when my probation period was completed successfully, (which I completed a year and a half ago) then all the charges can and will be expunged. I only have to fill out the proper paperwork which will be easy to complete.

 
Validation for myself once again that all fear is a lie because if I had not been so lost in my mind in fear on the day of my court hearing then I would have realized the ‘deffered charges’ from the moment I was sentenced.  Which would have elimated future projections and manifestations regarding having a ‘permant criminal record’ which had been compounding upon existing fears.
This has caused me to re-establish my agreement with self and to always see in self honesty first all the facts before me. In re-establishing my agreement with self I am re-establishing my agreement with my partner R as well as my agreement with all Life to once and for all in all ways consider all and everything here within the Equality Equation.

 
I can now apply for my passport and I’m one step closer to a Holiday visit to Desteni Farms in South Africa.   I am grateful.  Thank you Sunette.  Thank you Desteni Universe.

 

I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to judge, reject and abandon myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a charge on a piece of paper.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wherein I abandoned myself from all life – Instead I stand one and equal to all and everything here in re-establishing myself within self trust and to continue to bring forth an Equal Money System so that all life will be able to effectively care for themselves as we all face ourself in self honesty as All as One as Equal.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear of having to spend money on an attorney which is really my fear of being defined within and as the current money system in which I have feared for my survival and have formed a definition of myself according to it.

 

 

Support an Equal Money System – for All – From Birth ’til Death

The Desteni ‘I’ Process (DIP)

Compulsory Schooling and My Forgotten Self

It is becoming clear to me that ‘Compulsory Schooling’ is where we surrender our individuality to a predetermined chain of commands. The lesson of report cards, grades and tests assisted me to not trust myself and to rely upon the evaluation of certified officials instead of relying upon myself within self honesty, common sense and self-responsibility.  It’s not that I didn’t want to learn.  As a child I would sit and play in the dirt building tunnels around grassy areas and I would lay on my back amongst a field of clovers in our backyard for hours as I caught glimpses of grasshoppers and rollie pollies and that’s when I first learned for myself that rollie pollies eat and survive on the minutest pieces of plants.

When I began going to school I accepted and allowed something to happen to me and within that acceptance, I lost my sense of touch within and as my physical body.  I stopped enjoying the cold squishy squashy feeling of mud sliding between my toes and the rain as it touched my face.  I stopped running around as the snow fell with my mouth wide open catching snowflakes, and instead I became concerned about getting dirt under my fingernails.  I didn’t notice then that I was loosing myself until one day I stopped remembering how to enjoy myself here within and as my physical body.

As I walk backwards toward myself to where I began loosing myself in my mind is where I see myself slumped over the long table in front of me that I shared with others in my class when I was in first grade. To the left of me was a long window where I could see the trees outside.  However my window seat didn’t last long because my teacher moved me because she said  that I spent far to much time ‘gawking’ out the window.  As I stared out the window, I was lost in a daydream of wanting to be outside touching and climbing the huge tree that was located right next to the entrance of my school.  This is where I began a relationship with my mind and as I allowed myself to be directed by it I forgot all about my physical body and thus began to exist in separation of myself.  I just now remembered the huge tree and it was magnificent,  yet also untouchable.  One day after school I asked my mom if I could go play in the tree and she said, ‘No, don’t be silly, that’s not allowed’.  I remember that I thought that that was odd that we weren’t allowed to touch and play in the tree.

It’s been forty five years and only now as I write this do I remember that glorious tree.  How could I have forgotten?  I am realizing how separated from myself and all life I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and I see clearer now my self-responsibility within and as the Equality Equation of Life to assist in bringing forth a world as All as One as Equal beginning with an “Equal Money System” – for All from “Birth ’til Death”.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so lost in thoughts and imagination within my mind to such an extent that I forgot me as my physical body that has been buried deep within the mind patterns, playouts and constructs that I created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body by way of participating in ways to occupy myself within mind stories as a way of avoiding facing myself within my fears and frustrations in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the glorious tree that represented an enjoyment of life as me within and as my physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the trees and the grass and the mud and the grasshoppers and rollie pollies and the clovers as I settled into and as fantasies in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the snow and the rain water for granted as I sought only to abuse myself within a mind illusion of self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain hidden in my secret mind as though it is a fortress of safety when really it is only my self made prison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body as I participated within and as my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions as I wished to be somewhere better that where I was – instead of remaining here breathing in self honesty as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical touch of my hands and my fingers and toes for granted as I have exploited them within and as self-abuse patterns of being lost in my mind as I contemplated my next mind entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘blame’ my teachers and the system as the reason for me loosing my sense of touch as me as my physical body wherein I did not in self honesty take self-responsibility for me and my world – instead I realize, I see and I understand and I direct me here within and as my physical by standing up and taking full self-responsibility for me, my world and all that exists here so as to bring forth oneness and equality for all Life to live in Dignity.

I Direct me here Equal and One as my Physical Body as I begin to Touch within and as an awareness of Myself Breathing as All as One as Equal.

to be continued…

Prohibition Failed – Support Equal Money

While researching the history of Prohibition I’ve come to realize one thing for sure which is that we as humanity had better begin to question what the hell we’re accepting and allowing and what we are continuing to support within our Current Money System.  Prohibition Failed, so what is it that causes us to continue to support a feeble attempt to control man’s appetite for ‘sin’ through ‘legislation’ when clearly both are nothing more than attempts to hide within what we as humanity don’t want to face.   We must ask ourselves these questions. How come people won’t see that prohibition has failed and that the war on drugs with prohibition is one of the greatest marketing scams ever.  We don’t require prohibition – we require Self- Responsibility.  We’re not really prohibiting anything anyway and all we’re really doing is supporting legalized crime.

The only substance that must be removed from our society is alcohol and to remove it from our existence does not require prohibition. We stop accepting and allowing and supporting the production of it because it kills more people compared to any known drug.  The sale of alcohol provides money for Major Multinational Companies who don’t give a shit who dies.

The beer wholesalers have been extremely effective as a lobbying group and the National Beer Wholesalers Association, founded in 1938, is a trade association for more than 2,750 beer distributors nationwide. For the most part, its activities are hidden from the public eye. So for a product like Budweiser, their power comes in their distribution. You can’t find clear information to understand how this all works. I have discovered that after Prohibition, rules for wholesalers and retailers have been kept conveniently hidden from the public eye. There is a reason for that – it’s because they’re making tons of money distributing a ‘deadly weapon’.  Stop Prohibition and Support All life here with an “Equal Money System” which will remove ‘The Fear of Survival’ and will allow people to begin to see who they really are.  Stop Prohibition, Stop Alcohol and “Support Equal Money”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how this world really operates and supports itself with no regard towards life in our current money system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to educate myself properly with regards to the corruption that exist within and as this world and our Current Money System.

I am 1 Vote for an Equal Money System & World Equality

Let us All begin to face ourselves within what we have accepted and allowed and take Self Responsibility as All as One as Equal.

Deconstructing Mind-Mapping of Childhood

As I sat down to blog, I realized that I wasn’t sure how old I was or what grade I was in when I was first taught to ‘diagram sentences’ in school.  As I researched for pictures of diagramming sentences on the internet it was interesting to discover how ‘diagramming sentences’ are similar to what is  referred to as ‘mind mapping’.   Those two words ‘mind mapping’ and seeing pictures of how to ‘diagram’ a sentence assisted me and it is not surprising that I have had difficulty in writing out ‘mind constructs’ in SRA because I’m still existing as the child who was fearful of and never learned how to properly diagram a sentence.

That’s when I remembered that I was in the fifth grade and almost 11 when I was first taught how to diagram sentences.  I remember sitting at my school desk looking at my lesson and feeling uncomfortable in my physical as I squirmed and shifted positions in my chair.  I was very confused but also fearful of asking for further direction from the teacher.  I turned in the first assignment and when the teacher returned it to me with the grade being a D, he asked if I needed some help understanding my lesson.  I managed to find the courage to ask him why is it that we have to learn how to diagram sentences anyway because I didn’t see how it would ever assist me later in life.  I remember the look of annoyance as his face became distorted and he told me that it didn’t really matter whether or not I understood how come I have to learn how to diagram a sentence – that the important thing was to stop asking unnecessary questions and to focus on learning my lesson.  Then he suggested I return to my desk to re-read the lesson and if I required help to let him know and he would stay after school to assist me.  I remember thinking that I couldn’t stand being in class with him during school hours, that his breath smelt like cow shit,  and that I sure didn’t want to stay after school.

 
I did learn a lesson that day because I stopped asking questions and began to comply to the rules set before me.   Single moments as this have accumulated as me over years and years so as to adhere to the rules of ‘the society’ that somehow I was born into and to make sure that I conform and follow the rules of the programs.  It didn’t matter whether or not there was any common sense to the rules of ‘the society’.  I stumbled through my class that year and passed with a ‘C’ with the assistance from my best friend, who basically did most of my homework for me.  My teacher never once offered any assistance, but worst of all, I stopped asking questions and accepted my placement within a system that I was being taught to follow.  I accepted and allowed fear to manipulate me and now I am seeing that my fears in my mind were nothing but lies.

 

This childhood pattern still remains as me because when I am reading information and instructions, such as in my SRA class – there are moments when I have difficulty comprehending exactly what is required of me to complete my lesson correctly. It’s as if I am once again battling within me.  The only thing that assists me is to stop the lies of my mind – breathe and be patient with myself.
In SRA, my lessons, and Andrea have assisted me to realize – that what occurs within me began when I was a child,  and is what is referred to as a  ‘brain flip’ — a childhood pattern – where as a child I would have difficulty learning and comprehending what the teachers were saying about the material as well as I feared asking for assistance.  This results in dyslexia where one will shift from one brain hemisphere to the other which is why at times I experience myself as not being able to handle information dependent on a specific brain hemisphere.

 
The common sense within realizing this pattern within me and in beginning to put the pieces together of when this began is incredible assistance for me.  I have never in my life had a teacher or anyone for that matter who has provided me with such a clear understanding of what has been ‘happening’ within me, as well as providing me with a foundation of support in which to begin to correct myself through further investigation in self-honesty and applied self-forgiveness and self corrective application.

 
This is what ‘Desteni’ offers  =  Life changing support and assistance which actually puts the tools for self right here in our own hands.

 
I’m going to continue to deconstruct, disengage and stop the ‘mind mapping’ of my childhood patterns where I further accepted them during my childhood education.  Already my resistance to writing out a ‘mind construct’ in SRA is stopping.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking questions for fear of looking stupid or getting into trouble for not conforming to the rules of the system.

 
Instead – I direct myself to question and see the common sense so that I may understand and comprehend who I am here as all as one as equal.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a judgment of myself and to believe that I am stupid.

 
I direct myself to question and see the common sense for myself what is here and what is real as all as one as equal.
To be continued…

 

The Desteni ‘I’ Process