Today as I transcribed Sunette’s video: “How we De-Compose our Physical-Bodies”. A particular part grabbed hold of me, where she says:
“So, let’s say for example, fear of speaking in front of a crowd of people and, throughout your life, you had instances wherein you were forced to basically face that fear and, no matter what you did, that fear still remained existent within you as an actual acceptance and, as you continued accepting and allowing that fear within yourself and, those thoughts to be ‘thought’ – meaning to be participated in throughout months or years – what then happen your physical actual start manifesting as that fear to the point where you are physically incapable of actually walking and standing in front of a crowd of people. And, then with the solidifying of that fear, as an actual system, in your human physical body, it puts pressure on the physical muscular tissue and, within the pressure it places on the physical muscular tissue because, the very solidifying of that system, in your human physical body – the solidification – within the solidification itself exist All the individual thoughts, that you had, in relation to that fear of standing in front of a crowd of people – every single thought in relation to that particular specific fear solidifies, as crystallizations, in and as the human physical body. Then, through time, in terms of as you now are living that fear in and as your actual human physical body, the resonant emmittance of and as that crystallization as that thought actually chaffs away at the very muscle tissue of and as the human physical body.” Sunette
*I realized within myself that I never really understood how I create and compound fear within me. This is specific in many areas of my life, in particular a point related to my mom and the point comes forth as a point of sadness. Though I see fear existing within this point of sadness. I suppressed myself in particular in how I would use sadness as a point of getting my mom’s attention, because when I was sad and withdrawn is when I received the most attention from her. I would literally change my voice, my body posture and my behavior to impress upon her to see me. My mom died 10 years ago and so I have avoided this point and have written very little in regards to her and me and how and what I have accepted and allowed. This point requires much writing and disassembling. I will be writing this point out as her being the first ‘influential’ person I write about with regards to our lesson in SRA on mind constructs.
There is another point of fear that I realized today as well and that I have accepted and allowed and imposed upon myself as if it were a leach sucking the blood right out of me, and one I have existed as and avoided for 4 years which began as a minor traffic ‘violation’. Referrencing the point as being like a leach is befitting as ‘self-violation’.
My lack of self-responsibility and action resulted in further and more serious charges and I was put on 2 years probation and completed all the necessary requirements of the law. However, I knew that these ‘charges’ were still on my record. (And I continued to ”re-charge’ the very resonance existent within my subconscious and unconscious by my behavioral pattern as I functioned within and as the fear)
When the thoughts and fears within me would begin, I have stopped them. However, I had never really looked at the entirety of what has been proliferating within me. I had in fact imposed judgment upon myself which compounded on top of the layers of fear to the point that it’s as if I had put myself in a corner and then just walked away. All because I didn’t want to face myself within what I had accepted and allowed a long time ago where I didn’t take self responsibility for my actions. During the time I was arrested I was living reckless and careless. I spent a few days in solitary confinement and a total of 2 weeks in jail and the fear of being put in jail again has ruled me and instead of facing my fear, I ignored it.
The thing about fear is that it is a great pretender and manipulator because when we accept and allow ourselves to fear we are making unjustified claims and statements against ourself as well as others and our world. The intention of fear is always dishonest because it disassembles the abilities of self. It leaves us mentally handicapped and stuck, where we are not able to see clearly in self-honesty the reality of ourself and how we’re existing, and what we’re manifesting within our world. When we participate within our mind of fears we cannot direct ourself effectively one and equal with what is actually here. Fear kept me located exactly within that which I was fearing and when I accept and allow that – I will always be or become equal and one with what I accept and allow. I have proved this for myself in the past 3 years as I have walked the process of self-forgiveness and I have seen the manifested consequences of my participation.
The truth of this point of fear with regards to the charges is that I feared abandonment. I feared rejection and judgment by another when really in participating as such I was really fearing rejection, judgment and abandonment of myself and I backed myself right into a corner and that’s where I remained. I had not understood self trust and because of that I had always experienced self trust as something separate from me or in relation to that from another. There is also the point of fear with regards to money because we spent alot of money on my case that we don’t have to spend again in such nonsense. The fear of abdicating myself to the system to be swallowed up, because I witnessed plenty who are still in jail simply because they don’t have the money to pay their fines. An Equal Money System – will stop the nonsense of locking people behind bars when they honestly don’t have the money to pay the outragious fines in which the current money system enforces.
I have had to face this point because we’re planning a trip to South Africa in April of next year so I knew that I now had to contact an attorney about getting the charges expunged. I have been expecting a return call from the attorney for a week and a half now.
So transcribing Sunette’s video today assisted me in facing points of fear within how I have accepted and allowed fear to control me. Shortly after transcribing, the attorney that I had previously contacted returned my call and I found out that my charges were and, have always been ‘deferred’ – meaning that when my probation period was completed successfully, (which I completed a year and a half ago) then all the charges can and will be expunged. I only have to fill out the proper paperwork which will be easy to complete.
Validation for myself once again that all fear is a lie because if I had not been so lost in my mind in fear on the day of my court hearing then I would have realized the ‘deffered charges’ from the moment I was sentenced. Which would have elimated future projections and manifestations regarding having a ‘permant criminal record’ which had been compounding upon existing fears.
This has caused me to re-establish my agreement with self and to always see in self honesty first all the facts before me. In re-establishing my agreement with self I am re-establishing my agreement with my partner R as well as my agreement with all Life to once and for all in all ways consider all and everything here within the Equality Equation.
I can now apply for my passport and I’m one step closer to a Holiday visit to Desteni Farms in South Africa. I am grateful. Thank you Sunette. Thank you Desteni Universe.
I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to judge, reject and abandon myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a charge on a piece of paper.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wherein I abandoned myself from all life – Instead I stand one and equal to all and everything here in re-establishing myself within self trust and to continue to bring forth an Equal Money System so that all life will be able to effectively care for themselves as we all face ourself in self honesty as All as One as Equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear of having to spend money on an attorney which is really my fear of being defined within and as the current money system in which I have feared for my survival and have formed a definition of myself according to it.
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The Desteni ‘I’ Process (DIP)