Archive | January 2014

Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

sly

So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Investigate Living Income Guaranteed

Day 269: Owner of a Broken Heart?

I was flipping the television channels when I saw a glimpse of a girl from a soap opera – I don’t watch the soap opera but nonetheless her face reminded me of me – it triggered a memory of an experience that I had not long after my 16th birthday.

The thought process that was triggered led me into thinking how ‘this thing’ that happened to me,  was my first time at being the owner of a broken heart.  Now, there have been a few times throughout my life when I referred to myself as being broken hearted, and since to my mind I’ve placed importance in the idea of having had my heart broken,  it’s thus best, if I investigate to see what’s really going on so I can forgive myself.

So this particular time, was when I was 16, which was when I made the decision to have sex for my first time with this guy that I had been dating and making out with heavily for almost a year. Even now I can for a moment access the energy as I remember my thoughts / backchat back then which was leading and influencing my decision, because in my mind,  I would replay the energy of our nightly and lengthy make out sessions over and over.

Immediately after we had sex that first time, my mind began to freak out a little with questions like:  what if the condom breaks and what if I get pregnant? If I got pregnant I didn’t know how I would face my mom, so after a couple of more times of having sex after the first time, I told this guy – who my ‘freedom’ as a teenager greatly depended upon at this time because my parents trusted him – I told him that I just couldn’t have sex with him anymore for awhile because I was scared I’d get pregnant.  I remember he looked right into my eyes as he smiled and said ‘hey, no problem’.   I remember thinking how great it was to have such an understanding and caring boyfriend.

shattering reflections of me

A week later, I heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend – yes really!  That he was messing around, with a woman that was 10 years older than him!, (he was 21).  I remember that day like it was yesterday… I was sixteen with a drivers license but no car, and I needed to get to my boyfriends apartment and fix how I was feeling.  He lived about 5 blocks from me so I got on my 10 speed bike and cried the entire time as I rode it to his place.

It was early spring and I remember thinking in the midst of my crying and pedaling, how it was to beautiful of a day to feel like I was feeling, which was sad, lonely and angry.   He wasn’t home when I got there and it didn’t matter because it was my experience within those first moments – when something changes the nature of the relationship in a way where you know it’ll never be the same – it was in that moment that my definition of how love has to do with being ‘the owner of a broken heart’, came to be.  Within that single moment I became acquainted with what love and betrayal ‘feels’ like and I ‘thought’ my world had just crashed before me all because I was having a negative experience of myself.   It’s these such momemts that I let energy in and in doing so I allow harm to my physical body and thus my physical world/reality.

So I must look realistically at such a moment, in how dramatic I made the whole thing out to be.  Here one can see the extent of self interest because with ALL the atrocities that exist within our world, like poverty, war and starvation, we’re broken hearted over what we refer to as hurt feelings…

It is here that I see my dependency on the ‘energetic experience’, where I take myself from hot to cold with positive and negative experiences from love to the extreme opposite, as anger – all for the energy of it, for my mind as consciousness to use my physical body to fuel itself…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my anger through acts of love, peace and even gentleness, where I may behave happy, joyful, gladdened and/or appear physically calm, composed or tranquil even as I’m suppressing myself within and as the energy of love and anger to fuel who I am as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to within every moment breathe and face and forgive who I am as anger.

commit myself to show myself who I am free from energetic experiences and to provide adequate care for my physical body first and foremost.

I commit myself to Stop pretending to be an automation of myself as a character of anger and suppression – because I see, realize and understand that behaving and becoming a reactive pattern of love and anger is and have always been my way of avoiding facing and taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to facing all the moments wherein my life I referred to and/or defined myself as being the owner of a broken heart because I see, realize and understand that investigating, understanding and forgiving these points will bring about an awareness of self, a clarity – an end to anger.

Become Someone You’re Satisfied With

Begin Desteni I Process

A Great Read:  Day 564 The Decision to Self-Investigate

Day 268: Demonizing the Poor

For Context: America’s Poor Are Demonized To Justify Huge Cuts in Gov’t Prgrams

Have you ever noticed how rarely the topic of ‘Poverty’ is discussed publicly, especially within the political arena and mainstream media? I guess it makes sense that the rich and famous wouldn’t want to talk about poverty or starvation – because bringing an awareness to the reality that poverty does actually exist and,  is how life is experienced on earth – could prove rather disastrous for those already in power.

What I’ve noticed is how the topic of poverty and income inequality is ever so-lightly being thrown around amongst the Democratic and Republican Parties, but it seems to be only a means in which to keep the numbness to the topics intact…

It’s strange because we’re demonizing poverty,  like for instance just today, in the United States, the Department of Labor reported that more people than ever are giving up on finding work. This gives us the impression that people are lazy and don’t want to work and in this we begin to demonize those who end up living below the poverty line…
poverty
A Quote from this article puts it this way: “The odd way our unemployment statistics work, makes the number the newspapers report go down.

Because when a few hundred thousand people say: ‘All right, I give up, it is so hopeless, I will never find a job,’ that, curiously, results in the unemployment number going down because the number that gets reported in the papers is a measure of a percentage of how many of the people looking for work are unable to find it.”

We talk about Income inequality without looking for a permanent Solution for the alarming and ever so-growing number of people who are living below the poverty line.   It’s time that each one of us – no matter who we are or where we live – that we start asking ourselves ‘how much longer we’re willing to continue to support the rich’? And to instead, begin to Support Each Other.

I’ve been guilty of demonizing the poor, but as I’ve looked closer at the point,  I’ve realized my demonizing the poor existed in pictures in my mind of what/how I ‘thought’ Poverty looked like,  but honestly, I had no real clue what being poor looked like in real life.  I certainly didn’t comprehend how close a middle-class family is to living below the poverty line.   Hell, I watched my mom and dad punch the time clock on their run at surviving and the only thing that’s changed is that there are fewer jobs now than there was then.

The one thing that we can be sure of is that we’re going to have to keep racing the clock to make money or we’ll die, because life is NOT free.  That means that we’re going to have to work every day to get that paycheck and then when we get it,  we’re terrified because we realize we’re almost broke and we just got paid.

So times are hard and of course we want to work because we want/need to eat and so the days of assuming folks are lazy because they don’t have a job simply isn’t true and, if we’re lucky enough to have a job, then we should consider ourselves as one of the elite.  One of the elite because in order for us to have, there have to be those who have not. That’s a hard one to swallow but deep within me, I finally get that there is no excuse for accepting and allowing income inequality and poverty and starvation and war to exist in any way whatsoever.  Because at the end of the day what’s happening is, we’re fighting against each other – while the rich and the famous reap the rewards from our insanity/acceptance/actions.

So, Let’s Stop killing ourselves trying to survive within our Current Broken Money System and let’s begin to Support each other as a Group. Let’s see how strong we are together and change the system, because our strength is in how many of us there are.

Let’s come together and Investigate the Solution to Income Inequality and Poverty, Let’s investigate and Guarantee a Living Income to Everyone.

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Day 418: Basic Income Can Save Capitalism

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Fear of Commitment (Part Three): DAY 441

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to within this see, realise and understand to what extent my Mind/me within and as it was “closed, isolated and separated” from everything/everyone else within this existence – to the extent where I would not have within and as my existent thinking-processes/reasoning skills been able to question and so investigate ‘who I am within me/my life and my relationship to all that is here’. Therefore exposing the extent to which our thinking/reasoning and even seeing/consideration and regard for ourselves and others is limited/locked-in and caged into and as the confines of our own Consciousness – not leaving any room/space for anything/anyone other than our own Self Interest of wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to assist and support self to change myself from Consciousness-confinement in the Mind, to and as expanding my Self-Awareness into and as Physical equality and oneness – within this process, to see/realise/understand how ‘oneness’ already exist in that we’re all physically here in this physical existence, however Equality within that Oneness does not yet exist, because we’re all individually separate in our own Minds/Consciousness – competing for our wants, self-interest and greed instead of sharing, consideration/regard and giving to others as we would to ourselves. Therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to practically in moments where I see I am thinking only of MY WANT and not what is best for everyone – to stop and change, to become more aware of the consequence MY WANTS create not only for me, but for others as well.” ~ Sunette Spies

 

 

Day 267: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Money Trap – Day 37

Just talking about Money, or rather the lack of it causes me to feel dis-ease within myself. I become uncomfortable inside my skin and it’s like I’m suddenly trapped and the fact is, we’re All trapped in a deadly Money System that thrives off of the suffering of others…

The other night I wrote a blog that I titled:  Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

I wrote the following sentence:

“All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well.” 

And then today, my partner was saying to me how the amount of money we spend every month purchasing the things that I absolutely have to have in order to specifically follow the alternative cancer treatment plan that I’ve chosen,  is way more than I said it was.  As I heard him say those words , of course I knew that he was correct, because pretty much 75% of everythimg that we spend money on is what I require if I’m to be successful in getting well with my treatment plan for breast cancer.

that thing called moneyAs I agreed with what my partner was saying, I knew I had to stop and breathe and remain aware of this sort of mini possession my mind was trying to take me into. Instead of allowing myself to go get  stuck in a point of paranoia,  I began to see the practicality in what becomes of the money we spend on my supplies.

A quick glance around my house one might not even know that my home has become my treatment center. A place where, for the first time in my life, I’m putting the welfare of my physical body first and foremost and being responsible for nourishing it – instead of what my mind would prefer by way of wants and desires.

I began to look back to when I first began my daily treatment routine. How me as my mind didn’t take kindly to the routine much less to the fact that there were no excuses allowed to not follow the routine strictly. The first 3 months I became somewhat depressed and felt as if I was mistreating myself.  It was what I’ve learned through applying the tools offered through Desteni I Process that got me through it – where I was able to remain consistent through using how the mind loves the comfort of routine, thus my daily routine has become only things that offer assistance, support and healing for my physical body.

So from the moment my feet touched the floor in the mornings, instead of going for a morning cup of coffee, I had to begin a most unexpected thing. And, In the beginning, my first thought every single day was, ‘I can’t do ‘it’ anymore’. The ‘it’ was, as Dr. Kelley puts it, an absolute necessity for the Cancer Patient, and one that should be done first thing every day within the first hour upon rising in the morning. I had so much resistance to the idea of it in the beginning but now I completely get how the human can direct oneself to change because I’ve been doing ‘it’ every morning now for 10 months and it never crosses my mind to not do it.

What I’m referring to is giving myself a coffee enema. It’s something that I’ve only now become comfortable talking about because now I get it. I understand the importance of the coffee enema. It assists my body to flush out the toxins that are being ingested by the massive amount of pancreatic enzymes that I take.  I also drink 3 ounces of Essiac Tea  3 times a day for detoxification as well.

So the point here is,  how the very mention of money causes me to be distracted from my goal of getting well and remaining focused and consistent. And, it’s important for me to have a reality check for myself because this topic is a sore spot and when my partner mentioned that we spend way more than $800 US Dollars – I immediately became aware of how tense my upper back and chest area became. I began to experience myself as irritated at myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get cancer in the first place. And this is how the mind trips us up and we become sucked into an automated pattern of self interest and self pity where we become afflicted by what’s called the plum disease,  “poor little old me”,   and we begin to describe ourselves with self-deprecating phrases..

Please don’t mistake my meaning, because how I experience life and how you or anyone experiences life on earth matters. Every bit of it. Everyone and Everything that is here is specific whether we understand it or not. The life experience on Earth is the direct result/ consequence of what each one of us accept and allow. Like how we accept and allow poverty and war and dirty politicians, and how we accept and allow the so-called rich and famous to set the standards with regards to who and what’s important within our world.

What’s important is that we don’t stop questioning our reality until we’re absolutely sure that all suffering has come to an end. Because as a Society, WE ARE in Big Trouble. So much so that debt collection is greeted with more support than the issue of the growing number of people around our world who have little to no access to clean drinking water.

Ok, so I’m realizing that I can forgive myself for the blame I’ve put on others instead of seeing the role that I play in how our current world/money system exists. And how I AM able to direct myself to change who I am, to stop any actions of greed in how I’ve lived my life only looking out for me and mine – to instead, be a living example of what it is to Give to another that which I would want given to me. Because what is best is a World where our Earth, our Waters and our Air are given priorities of protection, because they Give Life and since all living beings require these elements then the right to all of them must be given Freely.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself start to get anxious or irritable when the topic of spending money comes up – where within my mind I begin to feel sorry for myself for having to spend so much money on the things that I require to assist my physical body to recover – I stop, I breathe – I slow myself down and I walk with consistency completing those movements that are important in redesigning who I am and how I live my life according to what’s best for all.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that the human is the complete slave of the mind that capitulated with ease, and thus will require extensive time to realize the true nature of the MIND and MONEY.

I commit myself to show that real power is Life and NOT money.

I commit myself to show that equality as the physical interconnectedness realized will end the reign of money and mind as God.

I commit myself to awaken the physical to its true nature and being as Life.

I commit myself to confront those that are possessed by money and mind with Life so they may wake up from their hypnotic sleep.

I commit myself to show that war only exists because of its participants, and that all participants are equally responsible for the abuse of war, and that to allow war through silence, is to be part of war.

I commit myself to show that breathing disciplined, committed to Life as what is best for all Life, will always come to full realization that will end all slavery of Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 266: When a Child Dies

The quote below is from the following article: Boy, 4, dies falling into a bathtub under 37-year-old babysitter’s watch at Times Square luxury apartment building

“The child’s death came as a surprise for tenants in the 40-story luxury tower.” 

Reading about the death of a child is the hardest thing to hear about regardless of how they died.  When I read the above article, it was the above sentence that caught my eye and seemed to scream Wake-UP People!   Seriously, we have to ask ourselves how is it that those we live physically closest to, like our neighbors for instance, how it is that we don’t know a damn thing about them really with regards to how their actually experiencing themself day after day after day.   The question remains: ‘How is it we can live next door to an abused child and never even notice their being abused?

“…you did it because the group called humans allowed it to happen. The neighbors refused to take care of each other – you refused to be your brothers keeper. You refused to love your neighbor as yourself. All you were looking for is things to blame to hide your own part in playing evil in this world…” Bernard Poolman

avoidanceThis World is a dangerous place for children and animals, and I’m not sure how we’ve gotten this far considering that we as ‘the adults’ that exist in the child’s life for instance – whether it be that you’re the parent or the grandparent, the babysitter or close friend – how most of us, have minimal skills when it comes to knowing how to assist and support the child through any given situation.

My granddaughter Emmeline – who is 3 1/2 years old – she reminds me daily how important it is to be aware of what she’s doing at any given moment. And I’m seeing how she’s changing,  as her mind seems to be turning itself against her.

Yesterday she was hanging out in the living room area as I was finishing some cooking in the kitchen. Inside, our house was very quiet,  and then, for the first time ever, I hear her began to sing a song that I’ve heard her listen to with her mom, and this particular song is one that her and her mom both have said is their favorite.  It was interesting to watch her singing it because she sang with great confidence and her acting seemed spot on for how she must have witnessed another singing it considering that at 3 1/2 she has no real idea what the meaning is within the words she was repeating from the song: ‘Wrecking Ball‘ by Miley Cyrus.  

I can see how at 3 1/2 she is only now becoming acquainted with her imagination and is beginning to tell stories that make sense if only to her.    She is still somewhat unpredictable and so you never know what one her age might decide to do.  So young children require an adult checking in on them frequently and they need for us to get a clue to the fact that they’re going through a rough time as their mind begins to integrate into and as their physical body so it’s time we take that fact into consideration. 

A must Hear Interview Series that assists one to understand how to Assist the Child at Eqafe is: Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race Series.  A very interesting series with an overview of the 3 Phases of Child Development: Phase I: 0-1 Years, Phase II: 1-3 Years and Phase III: 3-7 Years.

Also to add, I’ve noticed that Emmeline has also become very emotional. One might even say she’s moody. A couple of days ago I saw her crawl under the kitchen table and then she started to kind of whimper for like 15 seconds, she then stopped, crawled out from under the table,  and took off running toward the couch where she landed with the greatest of ease.

If I give any attention to any one of her emotional outbursts then it’s like I’ve disrupted her entire process and she may or may not become agitated. There have been plenty times lately when I’ve kept Emmeline and I can see she’s having trouble expressing herself because she’s beginning to feel things she’s never felt before and the truth is,  sometimes I’m not sure if I should try and comfort her or let her be.   Sometimes she makes this sort of blank smiley face where her eyes look upward like she’s accessing her mind, kind of zombie like and I can’t help but ask: ‘who’s she acting like now’?  Mostly I’m realizing that it is only with her assistance,  that I’m able to be of any assistance for her at all.

For sure she has taught me that one on one communication with each other is vital for our physical health and our mental stability. So please.  remain aware of where and what the young child under your care is busy doing, because mostly they’re looking for something to occupy themselves with.  Thus, we have to stay awake, literally, remain aware and within hearing distance in case they require our assistance, or in case we require theirs.

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race Series

Why am I Series 

Fears & Phobias Series 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination Series

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that the foundation of Positive and Negative Results that are Used as Self Motivation in the Game of Survival are Based on Ignorance, and Ignoring that All Participants in Life on Earth are Inadequately Instructed as to How to Live in a Way that will be Best for Self and all other Life Forms – and this thus, Living much Positive/Negative Consideration, Does not in fact Produce a Better World, it only justifies an Inadequate Society in astounding Ignorance.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 110 – Children are Not Born with Instructions

Day 265: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – On Death and Dying – Day 36

Every once in awhile I’ll have a day where what’s going on in my mind is a repeating pattern of specific memories, memories that I’ve given value to according to an experience from my past.  These particular memories mostly include members of my family who have died, like for instance my mom, my brother and/or my sister.   The memories are accompanied with a strange feel good sadness where I reminisce as I indulge in an enjoyable recollection of my past experiences.  This is how my mind reels me in, ever so gently until it’s like the trigger is pulled and instantly, I become locked within a semi-sweet memory/feeling that will always go from a positive energy experience to a negative one in like 2.2 seconds and suddenly,  I’m face to face with my fear of death and dying.

Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
marlens2This particular pattern has become less frequent than when it began which is what I allowed to happen the first time I was told that I had breast cancer.

So in the first few months as the pattern evolved I would miss the memory as the trigger and be swept away in Fear rather quickly.  But now,  it’s like I’m having new memories come forth but not really.

 Still I’m very aware of how  I’ve entered another dimension of myself as my mind and now I’m seeing how the memory was always here for me to access to be able to stop and forgive myself however,  I was moving so fast within myself as my mind that I was unable or unwilling to look, to see where and who I’ve been during all the memories that I have stored within every part of my physical body.

So now I’m seeing an increased awareness coming forth from within me and it’s become easier to investigate further into and as the patterns of my mind.  It’s definitely a process worth walking for oneself and I’m fortunate, because I’ve had the tools from Desteni I Process and I know how to apply them and in doing so I’ve been able to direct myself within a clearer understanding of how having cancer is proving to be very self-educating and thus very assisting.

Also it’s important to note here how weird my sleeping was last night and how I was constantly and continually aware of an intense pain within my breast surrounding the areas where the lump is. ‘The lump’ has become less scary to touch for me now, so when the pain comes, it’s like I allow myself to go into the pain, to focus on remaining aware of my breathing and allow myself to investigate the pain – instead of trying to run and hide from it in fear within my mind.  Sometimes briefly I’ll catch myself off guard and be swept in for a moment.   For a second I’ll became trapped in a mini-automated paranoia episode taking place within my mind about death and dying, but more and more I’ve been able to stop, breathe and investigate the how’s and why’s to determine how I may assist my physical body to get well.

With regards to the pain I had last night which was similar to the same kind of pain I’ve had on at least 4 other occasions, I’ve come to realize that according to the sensation of the pain and how it physically feels like there’s a pulling taking place – it’s like the lump is pulling away from the surrounding tissue that it’s grown attached to – like the lump is ever so slowly letting go, dying, becoming a dead tumor.

Of course, I can’t yet prove my theory, but if that is in fact what’s happening, then the results will eventually become known anyway…. The point here that I’m trying to put into words, is that when I ‘get physical‘, so to speak, when I hear my body when it’s hurting,  thirsty and/or basically when my physical body is giving me an opportunity to see who I am as it and direct myself,  it’s interesting,  because it is in that moment when my fear of death and dying ceases to exist.

Alright so that’s all for tonight.

Check out the New Dip Lite – Free Online Course where you’ll learn essential Life Skills’

Check out the Death Research Series

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have Realized that the FLESH acts like a HARDDRIVE, that Stores one’s Memories as Stories as the History of the Creation of the Character in the Narrative used as the Idea of Self, which is then Projected on the Screen of the MIND which Tell A Vision show and supported by the words the Self Speaks to Convince this Self as Character that it is Real, but take away the Memories, and the Self Disappears immediately, exactly what happens at Death as well.

I commit myself to SHOW that the FLESH as STORAGE of Memories From which is Created Personal Consciousness, is NOT GRASPED and that the Importance given to the MIND cause a World of ABUSE and DELUSION that will keep on Growing ’till Man wake up and Study the Real ISSUES in the TISSUE of the Body.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

Today I got a little freaky about the amount of money we’ve been having to spend lately on organic fruits and vegetables, and tea, as well as pancreatic enzymes and vitamins and ALL the other stuff that I have to have as I continue with my Daily Alternative Treatment plan – which includes the Metabolic Diet, which initself  brings about a kind of stability and strengthens and assists in ridding the physical body of cancer.

Lig guaranteed incomeTo give a quick update: My last HCG urine test showed a decrease in cancer from 53.0 to 52.6. This was proof after 6 months that what I’m applying is effective. The end of this month will put me at 10 months of treatment and so I will be sending off another urine sample to see if there has been improvement.

I realized today that when I got a ‘little freaky’, or rather when I become ‘anxious’ about money,  I experience that anxiety in the pit of my stomach – just thinking about spending money sends me reeling in my mind in fear of not having enough of it.

All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well. It doesn’t seem fair for me to complain because I’m fortunate in that I have an amazing supportive partner, who works hard and provides a way where we’re able to get me the things I need.   And,,,The truth is, Everyone should be so fortunate…

I am absolutely certain that if we removed the day to day stress of worrying about whether or not we’ll have enough money for food, or for a home,  or,  will we be able to afford an Education and/or find a job.  Money stresses us out more than we realize and we should take the time to investigate and consider who we’d be,  if we removed all our Money woes – by providing a Living Income for Everyone.

There is absolutely no telling who we’d all become. Our day to day interaction with each other would almost immediately change because we’d begin to stop participating in our mind within the thoughts/fears of not knowing if we’re even going to have, or make enough Money to survive.

Can you imagine never again worrying about whether you’ll have enough of something?

Can you imagine being able to have a place to live in that you can call your own?

Can you imagine going to work because you’re willing to contribute to improving Life on Earth for Everyone, and not just because you have to because you need money?

Can you imagine the enjoyment of Giving to Everyone every opportunity that we ourself would like to Receive?

Imagine how a Living Income Guaranteed will Change Your Life!

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the Daily Life on the Daily Planet of Society Revolves around Pretentious Characters that SWOP Places Depending on the Situation and Context of the Environment a Person find themselves in as the NOW, Creating in Full Knowledge Billions of fake Scenarios Daily where all Participants Pretend to Be a Character just to Suit the Illusion around which Society Revolves.

I commit myself to SHOW that SWOPPING PLACES in the MIND between Characters Deliberately Designed for Survival on Earth, is a Field and Frontier yet to Become Realized by Humanity, and Once this is Understood, Life on Earth will dramatically change, as the Value System will NO Longer Feed the Illusion of the MIND.” Bernard Poolman

Day 148: Swopping Places

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Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed

Day 263: It’s about Water, the Lack of it, and Complacency…

I see myself as one of the so-called ‘lucky ones’ in that we have our own well here on our land which keeps us supplied with clean, chemical free drinking water, every single day. But not today. The temperature outside got so cold last night that our water pipes froze and so we woke up to no running water this morning. The high outside today is supposed to only reach 15 degrees Fahrenheit or -9.4 Celsius, which means unthawing them will be a challenge depending on how much of our pipes are frozen.

When something like this happens to our normally well-established and quite addictive routines around here, that’s when our mind kind of,,, goes into overdrive… Our mind as consciousness is dependent upon routine and when that gets disrupted it threatens the hold our mind as consciousness has on us,  so that is why it goes into,  like a built in automated survival search, looking for something that will support an already established and much needed daily routine/program/plan.

inconvenient lack of water

So because my daily routine was interrupted – what with having no water , and water being the single most important part of my routine – it’s like, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I realized almost immediately that I needed to slow myself down, to breathe, and as I did so,  I began to ask myself some questions,  like: what if every single day I woke up to knowing that I would have no access to water, much less indoor/running water…

What would I do without clean running water? I wouldn’t be able to follow my daily alternative treatment plan that I’ve been applying every single day for 9 months, to detox and assist my physical body to rid itself of cancer. A routine that I’ve established through a self-corrective application of pushing myself every single day to walk the steps necessary to ease into a full physical recover and it requires water to be successful.

I was also aware of how the backchat in my head was quick to self-judgment and attempting to take me back to last night – to see what I could have done to avoid the pipes freezing… My backchat even had examples: I could have made sure all of our sinks had a small stream of water flowing from all the faucets – which is supposed to aid in the prevention of frozen pipes. It would have also been best if certain areas of pipe had been wrapped with heating tape for protection. These particular thoughts, they were repeating over and over in my head and I could feel myself teeter back and forth from a negative to a positive energy and it took absolute focus on my breathing to stop myself from reeling.

I had to look at the ‘bigger picture‘’, meaning: how significant really is ‘my’ so-called ‘problem’ when compared to the life-threatening situation that millions experience daily around the world.  It’s about Water and the lack of it…

There are many reasons or excuses used as to why we accept and allow more than 2.8 billion people to not have access to clean water or access to a flushing toilet. If you don’t know the facts surrounding water scarcity, then it’s time you did some research because no one should be allowed to suffer from lack of clean and safe drinking water as well as a warm home to live in and to protect oneself from any harsh temperatures.

complacencySo instead of me accepting and allowing my mind as consciousness to go on and on about me and how I’m currently experiencing myself, I Stop myself… I Breathe and accept Responsibility for the more than 2.8 billion people who have no clean water. And, if I’m to be  honest with myself, I realize that we have turned our lives over to the power of those who have all the money and quite frankly, their not sharing, so we’ve got to make sure that sharing of Earths resources are fairly distributed instead of being profited from.

So it’s time to face it, we have a Money System that functions and thrives off the suffering of others – simply because we’ve given value to money, and how having Money gives our Ego a big fat boost.   And that is something that we can no longer afford as an accepted behaviour.

When you really look at what we’re accepting, in that ‘Money is God’, it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, that We, the Majority of/as Society – that we’re ok with any one of us – ‘us’ being those of us that ARE NOT filthy rich – that we would allow any one of us to live in such an unassisted way of life,  with no means of having clean water – that we’re ok with that? No way. I no longer accept living like that as the way Life on Earth is to be experienced because of Ego and our willing Complacency.

So, this slight inconvenience that I perceived myself of having – that of having to go a few hours without running water – the experience gave way for the opportunity for me to become aware of who I am in/as complacency. In fact, Not having water opened an awareness within me wherein with greater clarity I see how and why complacency does not ‘become me’, I become it, and in that understanding comes a greater ease of forgiving myself, thus gifting myself a smoother transition as I continue to walk self-corrective application…

Update: We were without Water for no more than 8 hours…

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook who I am as complacency in how I go from a negative energetic emotion of anxiety and smugness to a positive energetic feeling of satisfaction, to the point where I am ok with and will accept that the human cannot change how life is experienced on Earth when in fact, I have proven to myself that self-change can and does occur when one first align their  daily routines in commitment accordingly to a Guarantee, that Everyone be given the opportunity to make a real living through designing a Living Income to ensure that no one ever again go without.

I commit myself to no longer take for granted and/or become smug/complacent in my belief that somehow I deserve to have more than another and to instead support a Living Income that will secure a guaranteed way of living that supports our physical bodies and our physical reality according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to never forget that in order for Life to be All that it Can and Will be, requires consistency in walking with a Group and walking a self-corrective application, one that is structured according to creating a World that is Best for All, and that in doing so, we will eventually Create Heaven on Earth when/as we come together – where one by one, we take Self- Responsibility for Life itself, and Design a Money System that will Guarantee Everyone a Living Income, a Living Wage.

I commit myself to Stop who I am as how I’ve defined myself within and as the word complacency and to realize the possibilities of redefining living without deScriptions, and I commit myself to consider that ‘We’, Are that in which we’re here to be aware of regarding how and what we’re accepting and allowing with regards to how Life exists as Suffering here on Earth, and How it is ‘Us’, who Will Manifest Heaven on Earth.

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“Was the creation of man, another manifestation of ourselves to be able to experience our own creation and creation (such as earth, plants and trees and animals) also being ourselves, manifestations of ourselves to support us in the experience of our own creation? Separated, look at the world today.

We have been creating on the outside, aeroplanes, jets, space crafts to travel in space, cell phones, television, electricity, computers, homes, clothes etc, yet, beings have completely forgotten about themselves. Each one on earth and heaven previously has forgotten who they are and why they’re here. Every single being in existence previously existed completely outside themselves, looking, yearning and seeking for something to fulfill them.

As computers, televisions and cell phones are being merely upgraded to even more intricate and extensive models, beings on earth as who they are is slowly but surely being destroyed. Trying to make life and their existence more bearable and livable, trying to survive, through establishing relationships and creating better technology to justify all beings’ on earth existence reason for being here. The existence of violence, molestation, abuse, killing, dishonour and disrespect towards others, beings defining themselves according to certain applications such as doctors, politicians, lawyers or businessman as being some form of attainment to success.

Beings defining themselves according to relationships, apparently the one singular desire of all beings, structuring themselves to attain some form of success for money, power and control, to make sure they have a relationship to be able to enjoy the pleasures of sex. If you honestly have to look at existence as it is existing right now, if you had one opportunity to create the world you’d like to experience as yourself, would this be all there is to it? Have a look at to what extent we have separated and limited ourselves within our own creation. Beings are only existing for the attainment of power, money, manipulation, relationships, sex etc. and why? I have an answer for that: To be able to survive in this reality. Our existence has become that of survival.

This is the point I am making. We have forgotten how to create as who we are, to express ourselves (expression being creation which goes hand in hand) as creators, and we have allowed ourselves to limit, suppress and degrade ourselves to the one simple action of survival. Not knowing or remembering who we are, where we come from, how we got here and the reason for us being here. To the extent where we won’t even consider it possible that we are actually the creators of all existence. Clearly through the application of all beings in existence we are clearly able to see that we are destroying not only ourselves, but also our creation. We are all so lost, lost in ideas, perceptions, multiple amounts of beliefs etc. We have swinged our applications around completely. Have a look at the world today.” ~ Alice A Bailey – From Consciousness to Awareness – Part 2

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Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed

Day 262: A day late and a dollar short

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting here enjoying the sites of fresh fallen snow and the aroma of the vegetable broth brewing on the stove (my partner and I started it first thing when we woke up this morning) and also the smell of a roaring fire just outside my window that my partner just got going. All of it, for me, makes for the perfect day.

So, not to sound all ‘scent’imental’, lol, no pun intended, but I’m realizing more and more how life begins when we begin to develop an awareness of our personal responsibility to become accountable for how our world exists. To educate oneself to understand what it takes these days to survive in this world so to be able to enjoy the simplest of things. For example, what does one have to do/be/become in order to have a warm home in which to enjoy the beauty of a fresh fallen snow and cooking one’s favorite meal

Ok so my point is, as I sat enjoying the snow and the aroma’s all around me, a memory was triggered and I saw how my mind took me back to something my mom used to say, she’d say: I’m a day late and a dollar short. I remember how her words captured me within a way where I was unable to rectify her meaning. I didn’t really understand her choice of words but the tone within which she spoke them gave me clarity on how she felt.  I knew she had allowed herself a missed opportunity and was caught inexcusably unprepared for it.  It is only now that I understand the underlying implications and the utmost importance the experience held on as.
day late and a dollar short
The problem is in the value we give to time and money.  How we seem to unknowingly become the trip our mind chooses for us to take and as the human, we willingly give value to our accepted variety of cultures, belief systems, habits and/or addictions.

We secretly believe in feeling as if we’re always a day late and a dollar short,  so it’s like we keep chasing/looking for some sort of fulfillment. Yep, it’s time for us to Stop participating in how consciousness wants to direct us and instead realize that we can Direct ourself.

As Consciousness,  we’ll seek, plan, prepare and organize for a secured life for ourself and our family and in self interest, we forget to value everyone as we ignore the suffering of others.  There’s no longer anywhere to hide.   We understand how deadly our Current Money System is, where even the simplest of pleasures require time and money and the majority of us don’t seem to have enough of either .

When my partner and I go to town it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to get to the store and another hour to get home.  Time and the Money…  Recently, we spent 128.00 U.S. Dollars for a few veggies, fruits, mushrooms and a package of organic tea!

It’s crazy because the experience of Life in it’s simplest form of day to day survival, has become so expensive that’s it’s not only embarrassing, it’s downright criminal.   I mean seriously, making a living and a life for oneself could be a Journey to Life, to self perfection.

Making a living and a life within a system where everyone is guaranteed a living wage,  where you can learn to depend upon yourself,  whereby becoming responsible and accountable and capable of Stopping what we’ve accepted and allowed.  It is only then that  we’ll begin to share with Everyone all that this physical Earth experience offers for Each one of us.

No one should have to live ‘a day late and a dollar short’ kind of lifestyle.

No one should have to beg for food.

No one should be able to have a home unless Everyone is able to have a home.

No one should be afraid of a hard days work simply because they’re not paid enough to do it.

No one should go to bed hungry.

No one should go to bed cold.

No one should ever suffer because of lack of.

Everyone should be able to determine what their skills are and how they’ll be able to contribute to making a living in this world toward creating  Heaven on Earth as we implement the Simple Law, ‘Give as You would like to Receive’.

I commit myself to direct myself to show that the only chance for Life on Earth to continue will be for the human to come together as a group in agreement in full commitment to each other, to create a World that behaves according to what’s best for All.

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“What makes one life more, or less than any other life? What makes one life any more, or less, worthy than any other life? What gives any one life more, or less, value than another? Why should the end of one life be felt more, or less, keenly than another? Why should the suffering of one life be regarded as more, or less, important than another?” Cerise Poolman, Activist’s Journey to Life

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Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed