Archive | November 2010

The Gift One Gives To Self – Is Equality and Oneness Accumulating

Communicated very well with my son recently.  Was interesting how I was willing to hear him within a clearer understanding of our oneness.  In facing him, I am facing me.  He said how he just doesn’t believe as I believe and that this is the cause for our differences.  Which is really true so that was cool to hear.  He specifically said this when referring to an ‘Equal Money System’ – that he knows there is assistance for those who are not able to feed themselves because his sister-in-law (who recently moved in with him and his wife) was able to, by ‘putting forth the effort’ was able to receive a substantial amount for food stamps.  I was aware of the energy surrounding me in this moment just waiting for me to ‘usher’ it in, and except it as who I am – therefore becoming unequal within our communicating.  So, I remained aware of my breathing and heard what he was saying, which assisted me to see that I use to view our current system in exactly the same way.  I was then able to reference from my past experience when volunteering for a domestic violence intervention service – where I began to realize that receiving government assistance is not so easy.

First you require a place of residence and valid ID, to provide in the paperwork to be approved.  If you’re homeless, you have no residence, some don’t even have a valid form of ID, nor the money to get one.  Now, there are laws that says no homeless person will be denied food stamps if they do to not have permanent residence.  However, try getting the paperwork through the current system and you will quickly learn that the laws of our current money system does not assist and support those who have nothing. They are quickly put to the back of the line – unless you’re fortunate enough to come across an employee within the system who isn’t yet tired of hearing the same story over and over. The stories of lack of support within the current monetary system are endless.  The same employee who is barely surviving themself – doesn’t really want to hear.  Also mentioned that plenty around the world don’t have any options as a means of support.

Also shared that it is not self supportive for anyone to have to exist within the dependency of another… Even if they are given some government assistance – there is no guarantee that it will be there forever so offers no real means of accumulative support.  An ‘Equal Money System’ – eliminates dependency – thus assists in building self trust and self responsibility.

It is interesting how our mind – just to hear the word ‘equality’ – will accept the current money system as working for all – when in fact, it is not.  A clear indicator that our education system is failing us in all areas within the current system – mainly because of lack of vocabulary and understanding.  The design is on purpose.  The comfortableness within this mindset is showing it’s effects – and will no doubt require each and every one of us to experience ourself as uncomfortable in order for us to stop and actually see all the suffering we’re accepting and allowing – because we settle within our mind of knowledge and information that has not been updated and redesigned to support all life.

I shared how, I do not ‘believe’ in an Equal Money System.  I ‘Support’ an ‘Equal Money System’, because I have stopped and seen and heard a very small amount of the suffering, and within this have began to see the role that I have played in accepting and allowing the current money system to continue.

I saw that my sharing was from a realization in what I have in self honesty been facing within myself.  This assisted me in recognizing my son as me.  I did not allow any energetic mind interference that I could see trying to be triggered by words that he was using in his language – so I was able to slip past points of conflict by speaking to his ‘mind’, as my ‘mind’ once accepted – only now, directing myself within – to remain here, equal and one as the moment.

This was fascinating to walk through. A clear indicator of how self forgiveness in self honesty assists because in realizing myself in his words – I was able to forgive myself in the moment. And, I sensed that he sensed the correction.  I became accepting of myself and in applying myself accordingly – I became receptive of him as me.  Within a quality equal of receiving.  War between us stopped.

As we ended our sharing.  He said, call me later mom

Words from him that I haven’t heard in awhile – twenty five years, to be exact.  Proof for myself – The Gift One Gives To Self – Is Equality and Oneness Accumulating

I am grateful

Forgiving childhood wonders of my mind

I watched ‘Alice in Wonderland’ for the first time when I was 8.  Although I remember very little about the movie itself, what I do remember is the fascination I begin to have about dragons. So it seems the movie certainly assisted me in participating within the ‘wonderings’ of my mind instead of remaining and participating within my world.  Which is another reason that I can’t remember much about my childhood. Because I was to busy participating in thoughts and ‘ideas’ of my mind.  Proof to me that often we sit our children in front of movies as a way of preoccupying them and sub sequentially the effects begin to form movies in their minds.  If we are going to share a movie with our children, then we must effectively ask our children their perspectives.  This applies to anything we are teaching and/or showing them.  Children have the most simple and self honest perspectives when given the opportunity to share. They will show us how to share ourselves more effectively.  Simple self expressions that have a quality within equality, if we will only hear.

I wasn’t effective in sharing and communicating with my first two children. I was always to busy within myself being concerned about our money situation, always just trying to survive.  I always ‘thought’ that I was concealing and protecting them. But all I was really doing was not facing myself, so I didn’t face them at all.  They always knew when something wasn’t quite right – even when I went through my divorce with their father. I never sat down and shared with them what was happening and I never asked them how they were. Hell, I avoided the subject as I went on trying to survive through the fear of ‘would I be able to care for them’.  Like feed and clothe them and provide them a home.  Easy to see how an ‘Equal Money System’ would have, and will provide and eliminate much stress that parents exist as.  Causing them to become preoccupied within the ’fear of survival’.

Children have a way of showing us the uniqueness within us that we may have never considered, and in the exact moment, show us our oneness within it all.  Are we asking and are we hearing the children?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to silence myself within the wondering of my mind.  Instead of facing myself in self honesty and standing up as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to escape into the fear of survival as a way of not facing my world as me.  Instead of standing and stopping my participations within the movies in my mind and directing me here equal and one as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask my children questions because I was to afraid to hear that they might be sad.  Instead of directing my starting point with my children from the starting point of equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had the right to impose my belief systems upon my children.  Instead of standing as assistance and in support for them in their becoming who they really are which is all as one as equal.


Huge Panda vs Taken

I was taught how to think and I was taught how to write – I was shown expressions of hate by those who spoke of love.  I believed that I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t until one day I became all that allowed.  I’ve been the beggar of the worst kind because of my pretense to be that which I wasn’t by begging for approval within personalities that were not even who I really was.
I wanted to run with the popular crowd because they seemed to be the happiest. But I didn’t even know them.  I know who I was as night fell and I was left with just me.  I still yearned for something and/or someone to come notice me.  The guy that I lost my virginity to was from Louisiana.  He was going to school for aeronautics,, and he had a girlfriend ‘back home’ who he would go visit on holidays.  I knew of her because he told me about her from the beginning. But I didn’t care because he was five years older than me and I thought he was the coolest thing there ever was.  I was sure that I was in ‘love’.  We were together for a year and a half, and he would tell me straight up how he was still talking to M, but that I was ‘special’.  haha

Sex will cause one to say the damndest things. The thing is, I believed him because I didn’t want to face myself in self honesty.  Because really, I thought the whole thing was messed up and I knew that she did not know about me.  If I had faced myself in self honesty and stopped, and told him that he had to choose – it would mean that I would ‘risk’ giving up the energy that I couldn’t wait for within the self manipulation that I accepted because I got off on the attention.  For christmas that year, he bought M a giant panda bear that was holding a heart – the head of the gorgeous panda in it’s sitting position, touched the roof in his apartment.  I was devastated.  And what’s weird is,  he couldn’t wait for me to see it.  I looked at it for a whole month before he stuffed it in his car after he kissed me goodbye. To assist in keeping the control – he bought me a necklace that read ‘taken’ on it, and that piece of jewelry worked wonders in keeping me locked in the mindset that ‘he cared’ and that ‘I was special’.

I can barely remember what it looked like, but I can sure remember what was written on it.  Because I participated within my mind of thoughts in a make believe world that was not as it appeared to be.  After losing my virginity to him and then getting my period late, I decided that I had to stop having sex.  I was sure that this would be no big deal to him, and he even said it wasn’t when I told him – however, nothing was ever the same.  The truth of our relationship proved it, when days later I caught him within someone else. I wanted to die in that moment when I realized that I really had been ‘taken’.

I ran out of the apartment and two months later when I knew he was about to leave my town forever, I called him.  We met at a nearby park and I told him how much he had hurt me. He said he was sorry and that he was going to call before he left because he thought maybe we could work things out. (I found out later the other girl he was with the day I caught him cheating on me, had dumped him)  I told him that he would also have to give up M and he wasn’t prepared to do that so finally I stood up for me and said no, it’s over – I stopped.

So I’ve witnessed the cause and effect from my own enslavement where I became what I and I alone accepted and allowed – participation of the mind.  Expressions of someone that I never really was if I’m facing myself in self honesty.  My self expression doesn’t always fit according to standards implied upon society, but I will keep writing and walking myself to here, until words flow as me as who I am becoming in self honesty.

I accept me and I am here and I walk – Oneness and Equality

Drop the mAsK – unVeIL yOuRSelf

One thing that really gets me are the things we place value in where we will follow and accept the most revolting ideas all for the sake of money.

Money has become the means in which to slay the boredom of our minds.  We get bored, we look to spend money.  We consume at an alarming rate because we are reluctant to stop, breathe and face ourselves.

fraudulent spending – so much that it would take days to list them all
anyone ever hear of self honesty – throwdown the mask, drop the veil

what do people who have no money seek when the boredom of the mind looks to spend money
Imagine having no food, no clean water, no home and no money
easy to see why depression and crime exist – easy to see why people commit suicide because our mind places the value of self within an idea that money is the only answer
survival mode it is
we programmed the current system as it is and we can stop
cause, we’re consuming ourselves

Imagine – you are born and at the same moment of birth you are placed with enough money to always feed and clothe yourself
you have clean water and a home – education and healthcare
survival mode gone
who will you be
how will you act
who will you become

Equal Money System – The Solution
Scary?  No way?
If this idea is scary to you – or you just can’t wrap you’re mind around it
then understand
the mind reaps (takes from you as your physical=you die) – what it sows (plants seeds of deception within and without)

As within so without – we reflect what we have accepted and allowed ourself to be unto our world
In other words – what you participate in as the mind – so shall you be and remain
suggestion – stop participating in the mind of thoughts, pictures, feelings and emotions/reactions
Self forgiveness in self honesty is the key to Self  – as all as one as equal

Today I realized something about myself…so again, I say,,, Till here no further– I accept me and I am here and I walk – Oneness and Equality


Drop the mAsK – unVeIL yOuRSelf


Thoughts of the mind are deadly

I was giving my 4 month old granddaughter a bottle filled with water. She is still not quite use to drinking water and so a couple of times she drank so fast that she choked for a second and gasped for air.

This caused me to realize how untrustworthy that the mind really is, because it cannot even be counted on to know when to breathe.

The mind will never offer an equality equation worthy of all life because the ‘idea’ of equality threatens the existence of the mind.   Equality for all life would mean we will be ‘stopping’ our dependency upon the mind and instead directing ourself  as our mind, equal as all here.


Applying self honesty and self forgiveness – Stops greed and ego, and will stop the compulsive behavioral patterns associated within and as them.

Writing the word ‘associated’ just now brought up a word within me.  The word was ‘satiated‘ – I know that ‘satiated’ for me means to overindulge or do something in excess and/or to satisfy one’s desire to the point of boredom.   Well, that makes sense to me.  We allow so much overindulgence within our thought patterns that we begin to ‘think’ of ways to get attention through energetic experiences just to curb our minds boredom.  I have existed as such and I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within thoughts, feelings and emotions until they satiated me where I would search for and allow energetic experiences of myself so as to curb the boredom of my mind.

I do not accept or allow such thoughts, emotions or feelings within me – this is not who I am

Forgiving memories of my childhood beliefs

We spent the evening with our three grandchildren. My two grandsons are 5 and 3, and their parents are not getting along very well. My daughter and her husband have been together for awhile, so the resonant patterns that brought them together are no longer there. The discussion began on its own as we talked about our fears. They didn’t have much to say, however, it reminded me of some of my fears when I was close to the same age. Self forgiveness on some I remember is required.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel fearful, sad and lonely.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing those that say they love me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe some people are more special than other people.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make fun of others with my friends.

I remember the day I was told that everyone dies. I know I was very little, but I don’t know how old I was. I didn’t want to believe it because it seemed as if I had always been here even though I couldn’t remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept Jesus christ as my lord and savior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when we die we go to heaven or hell.

When I was little, I remember hearing that they dug up Abraham Lincoln’s body and that there were scratch marks in the coffin from his finger nails. From that point on I was ‘scared’ of being buried alive.

The word ‘scared’ stands out to me that I just wrote, only it’s more like I have many ‘scars’ within me from my participations within fears of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint ‘scars’ within myself within the dishonesty that I have existed as. I Stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being buried alive.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that there was an invisible place called heaven in the sky and even wondered if people might fall on my head.

I remember how I use to wish the angels I saw in the trees would come save me from my thoughts and emotions of myself as being inadequate and ‘scared’ of being alone.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that I saw angels sitting in trees and that they were assisting people that deserved to be assisted according to their past behaviors and lives.

I was five and spending the summer with my grandma who lived far from town in the country. One night my dad who worked as a guard at the local state prison came home and said he was going to search for a convict that had escaped. It was believed he was near my grandma’s house. He was never found and from then on, every time I was at my grandma’s, I was terrified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dark.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear someone breaking into our house and kill us so I would cover my head at night as I was falling asleep, careful to keep one leg always moving across the bedsheet, ‘thinking’ if someone came in to kill us and saw me moving, they would think I was awake and then they wouldn’t be able and willing to kill me.

I was terrified of the dark because that is when I would see ghosts in my room.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe what my eyes saw in supporting the fears of my mind, that aliens were standing beside my bed in the dark.

When I was little I hated holidays because I would see people in my family act nicer than they really were.

I forgive myself that I have have accepted and allowed myself to act nice to try and impress people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misinterpret the meaning of ‘respect’ to mean that I must be ‘nice’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form judgments of my friends and family.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that ‘labor day’ was the day that babies were born.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that a man in a red suit called santa clause was coming to my house once a year for cookies and milk and to leave gifts.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to hope that I would get better gifts than my brother and sisters.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry at santa clause because he didn’t leave me the gift I wanted.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to want my teeth to fall out when I was little, so I could put my tooth under my pillow to receive money so I could buy candy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have more than others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe something was wrong with me because I liked to touch my private parts.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to secretly wish everyone would become as ugly on the outside as they were on the inside.

I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself to hate myself because I was called names and bullied in elementary school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when people eat their buggers that the buggers would turn into worms.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that bad things only happen to bad people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must pretend to like people even if they were/are mean to animals.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become a ‘people pleaser’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that secretly I was a queen from a faraway place from which my closest loved ones were watching my quest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a hero.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe others as being a ‘better’ hero than me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I learned to ride a unicycle that my parents would notice me.

I forgive myself that I lied to my parents about who I was so as to receive their attention and please them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to change myself into someone that I wasn’t so I would be accepted by others as special.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to have sex for the first time because I didn’t want to lose the attention from my boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to secretly hope that I would get pregnant when I was 16 so I wouldn’t have to live with my step dad and mom.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone in the world had money to feed and care for themselves, instead of realizing how many are starving to death.

I stop the abuse that I have accepted and allowed to exist as who I am, since I was a child, and what I have manifested within and as this world. I Stop. Till here no further.

I commit myself to Standing

My dog Buddha who recently passed was of great assistance for me. I miss her. Within this I must ask myself, what would I do if Desteni ceased to exist. I admit for a moment, I cried. The tools that Desteni offers to assist self in realizing how and why we exist in this world – as well as the world solution of Equality – is Remarkable. There is no other assistance anywhere in this world as effective for self as the Desteni message.

I’m asking myself if I have taken self responsibility in facing myself in self honesty, and am I truly standing in support of all life equally, even if I were to be the only one standing.

Many cannot and/or will not see and hear the Desteni message because in doing so, they fear having to face themself. Self honesty requires giving up the things we have ‘believed’ to be important and dear to us and we begin to see the effects that our participations have here upon all life. One discovers there was never anything or anyone to give up when facing self in self honesty.

I realize this process is about self and that we are essentially alone as one within it. However, if it were just me walking this process with no support from anyone whatsoever – am I still standing…

I rededicate myself to my process – in this moment of breath, walking, applying self forgiveness in self honesty.

I will stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality in support of all life Equal and One. I commit myself to Standing – till it is done.