Tag Archive | feelings

Day 297: Moving beyond the two-year mark – Day 5: Test results are in, what’s next?

what's next

In this podcast I share the results from my recent hcg test.  This test being the base-line I use to gauge the effectiveness of the alternative treatment plans that I’ve been walking for 2 years for Breast Cancer.

I also share the role that Desteni I Process continues to have upon my overall success during this process with regards to being able to stop myself from fearing how my thoughts were generating emotional fear energy experiences,   as well as what my plans are moving forward.

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For Further Context:

Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

Day 294: You Can have your Apple and Eat the Seeds too! – Day 2: How Rational is your Fear?

Day 295: That’ll Never Happen to Me! – Day 3: Ever had that Line of Thought?

Day 296: May we Not find ourselves waiting – Day 4: What keeps You waiting?

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Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

IV vitamin C therapy: A cancer perspective

Day 296: May we Not find ourselves waiting – Day 4: What keeps You waiting?

waiting

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“Waiting is implied self judgment and will cause inaction and regret.” Bernard Poolman

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For Further Context:

Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

Day 294: You Can have your Apple and Eat the Seeds too! – Day 2: How Rational is your Fear?

Day 295: That’ll Never Happen to Me! – Day 3: Ever had that Line of Thought?

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My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

Day 295: That’ll Never Happen to Me! – Day 3: Ever had that Line of Thought?

denial

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For Further Context: Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

Day 294: You Can have your Apple and Eat the Seeds too! – Day 2: How Rational is your Fear?

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My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

Day 287: Stuttering: LifeStyle Experiment Report

This is to share the results of an intervention of sorts that involved my daughter and I assisting and supporting her son / my 11 year old grandson with stuttering and how it affected his lifestyle, his life.  At the time he was struggling terribly with the fear of having to stand in front of his entire class and speak as part of a graded assignment because he was afraid he’d start stuttering in front of everyone.

stutteringMy daughter and I spoke frequently about solutions that might assist him, like speech therapy for instance – which he did get.  Speech therapy is designed to teach specific skills or behaviors that will lead to improved oral communication.

But, there was still a problem because when he experienced what he perceived within his mind to be a stressful situation, he didn’t have the tools to handle himself and so instead of saying what he wanted to say, stuttering would overcome him and disable him from being able to continue.  And, when that happened, he would kind of shut down inside himself,  and so practicing his communication skills was greatly limited.

So it was a little over a year ago when my oldest daughter and I were looking together for a solution for when such moments would overcome him when I realized that with what I’m learning through the Desteni I Process Pro Course  or even in DIP Lite – that if he applied even just one of the many tools that the courses offer, that maybe he’d be able to assist himself when the stress or anxiety and fear come up and stop stuttering all together.

And so my daughter assisted him daily to apply himself,  and it’s important to understand that we kept it simple in how we suggested to him that when he see himself become anxious, or when the stutter begins, that he take that moment to first breathe, and pay close attention to what his thoughts are when the anxiety / ot stuttering begins.  In the beginning the process was like taking baby steps, but then we saw how over time and as he got better at looking at and identifying his thoughts, that’s when we began to hear him peak without stress or stuttering and within that he began to develop self-trust.

It’s fascinating how becoming aware of one’s thoughts and stopping them, that one can control and even Change who they are, and in this case, bring an end to stuttering, because here it is a year later, and I haven’t heard him stutter in months.   And when and if he finds himself in a moment of stress and / or stuttering begins, it’s nice to know that he has a tool that he recognizes will assist him to be able to stop and then speak clearly.

Can you imagine what it would have been like or would be like if as a child you’re given these wonderful tools that help you to understand all the thoughts and the feelings and All the emotional stresses that exist within and as our mind?

It would of made quite a difference for me because if I could have understood how and why I was having all kinds of emotional turmoil within and as my mind,  I would of been more receptive with regards to my education process for one thing and more considerate of others,  because if we’re spending less time participating in our fears within and as our mind then we’re able to make time to nurture our relationships with others, our reality and what’s going on within and as our world.

So we’ve got to make it a priority to blog, to write out what’s going on within us,  and to get to a point where we are able to assist our children in stopping who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be as our mind,  and doing so will make all the difference in the world for All of US.

And, let’s be honest, most of us have no clue what to do with all the chatter / backchat and fears that exist within us as our mind.  Until one day we realize how stuck we are in our very own secret mind world, and within that comes all sorts of unwanted patterns / behaviors.

So there is no doubt about it, if we can understand why and how thoughts and feelings and emotions come up within us that cause all sorts of reactions and conflict, then we can forgive them, release / stop them, and re-design who we are free from fear and self-limitation. And I mean, as we change our relationship with ourself to one where we take responsibility for who we are as our mind and begin to direct ourself in self-honesty, then we can begin to change our relationships with others and then maybe we can change Life on Earth to a place where living is about giving – instead of life being the struggle that it is to survive.

FYI: Please understand that the results shared here will vary from person to person, and that there are many tools that are offered through Desteni I Process courses that will further assist one in the process of stopping a habit / pattern / construct that exists within and as our mind – like for example, stuttering.

Also understand that there is much to consider with regards to understanding what goes on within and as the mind consciousness system and stuttering.  Please direct your questions about stuttering to the Desteni Forum. Thanks!

Oh and my grandson is now applying a similar process to help himself to stop biting his nails. I will share the results as they’re available.

 

“When you’re setting out to change something about yourself it’s not going to happen magically on it’s own – you have to be the driving force behind it. Changing a pattern of behaviour or a thought pattern requires that you actually do the new behaviour that you want to live and stop the old behaviour. This concept of fake it till you become it is exactly it – you have to practice and push yourself to do things and behave in ways that are outside your comfort zone and that may seem scary.
The first important thing you must make sure of is that that fear of “what if (I do it badly, it ends up being the wrong choice, I can’t do it…)” doesn’t stop you. Obviously changing yourself is going to need practice, so you won’t get it perfect the first (or second, or third, or even hundredth) time – but you have to keep practicing until you become the new pattern that you feel will benefit, the pattern that you actually want to live in your life.” Cerise Poolman

 

Check out the FREE online course and Learn Essential Life skills:
Desteni I Process Lite


A Must Hear Series: Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race

 

Blogs to Read that go Great with the topic of this Blog:

Day 26 – Me as a Weakling Polar B(F)ear – Part 1

Day 27 – Me as a Weakling Polar B(F)ear – Part 2

Day 256 – SF/SCS on Day 237 – On Taking Security Measures All The Time

Day 245 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert – Is Change possible?

Part 2: The Great Gifts ( and Downfalls) Of being an Introvert – Sinking Relationships

Day 285: Letting go of holding on to what used to be

Today I stumbled upon the picture of a couple celebrating 40 years of marriage. Now, I knew them when they were a newly married couple and very much a part of my life, some 40 years ago. I was 18, newly married with a baby boy who was less than a year old when I first met them. My then husband and I met them through a new church we were trying out at the time. Him and I would go on to spend some 7 years of our life hanging out with the them and some other couple’s – all of us were part of a young couple’s group that at the time was growing rapidly with many babies on the way.

what used to be

So I haven’t seen or even heard anything about this couple for at least 30 years, which is around the time that my first marriage ended and I just never saw them again. My ex got custody of our church friends and the church, so seeing the picture of the two of them together celebrating 40 years of marriage triggered a memory of my life with them in it and what I noticed upon seeing it was how within me. I felt a sort of odd comforting energetic sadness.

The oddly familiar emotion / energy is the same as I’ve been aware of going on within me for awhile now. So with the thing coming up again I realize that here’s another opportunity to fall for it or face it straight on and not participate in the energy of the thing. Instead I focus on breathing and continue on without the energy but remaining aware of how within the memory is this sadness / emotion within the idea and self-judgments and fear of loss I have towards myself within my mind in seeing myself growing old..

The topic of growing old and all that it entails has been a familiar topic as of late within the group that my partner and I are apart of, and I highly recommend one watch the Senior Live Google Hangouts for awesome support for topics regarding growing older.

Ok so what I realized when I saw the picture of them looking 40 years older was a moment where within me, I missed me, the me I was when I was with them way back then. For a moment I saw who I was in the memory and I wanted to take in the energy as comfort as if it were real. Instead, I was able to Stop, to breathe and remain aware of myself as I investigated the memory and directed myself to not allow myself to be taken over by it and I realized how growing old feels like the death of ourself, like grieving for ourself.

And I mean, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the face of myself when I was 20, or 30 or even 40! And the thing about growing old is that no one prepares us for it. Sure no one wants to die, but no one really wants to start looking old either. Oh sure people joke about it or even lie and say they enjoy being older… But, ask most people who are over 55 and they’ll tell you that one of the hardest things about getting older is that it’s like you become invisible to others. It’s like people don’t really look at older folks, and anyone who is used to getting attention / energy – based on how they look for example – for them, growing old may mean the beginning of depression and / or feelings of isolation.

Both depression and isolating myself from others is something that I’ve written much self-forgiveness for and yet the point of growing old and how that feels within myself, is one I continue to investigate with the tools I’ve come to learn through Desteni I Process Pro . Together with those tools, and having cancer, I have the opportunity to physically reverse some of the damage that I’ve caused to my physical body through how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be through and as my mind.

I see, realize and understand that, specifically with forgiving myself and letting go of holding on to what used to be. I see how within what feels like grief or sadness is actually a reaction of energy within the ‘fear of loss‘ and ‘fear of letting go’ construct. Seeing that,, I had to ask myself what holding onto things within myself within the construct of ‘fear of loss’ and ‘fear of letting go’ – how is being that construct, controlling and influencing my physical body..?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be in a constant state of fear that something may or might be lost and within that, I forgive myself for the adrenaline that comes up within my physical body as stress within the fear of ‘I must be ready’, for if and when something goes wrong that would cause me to lose control or cause me to lose my relationship to that something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words, ‘you can’t control it’ within the ‘fear of loss’ and ‘fear of letting go’ construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the relationship between the words; ‘letting go’ and ‘control’ – where I’ve created an illusion that if I don’t control something or someone I will lose it/them and/or I will lose the context of myself in relation to that something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how that control and fear of loss relationship that the emotional energy creates is a physical tension within and as my physical body and how that physical tension imposes stress within and on the physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my relationship with regards to how I react to the idea of letting go of fear of loss becomes similar to the grieving process because it’s who and how I’ve always existed as, thus, participation in any memory / thoughts of growing old and/or grief / sadness of who I used to be is simply because I’ve not yet walked a physical application where I do NOT react when fear of loss and letting go are triggered and / or when thoughts come up within emotions of sadness / grief, therefore, I commit myself to when and as I react in fear of loss and/or fear of letting go in relations to someone or something within my life I stop, I breathe, I apply self-forgiveness in the moment and let go and release, to move myself and Direct myself to Stand within the Decision to let it go.

I commit myself to when and as I see a memory come up – where my mind begs me to remember what so and so did and said, and how wonderful it was in how I believe the memory makes me feel – that this is a red flag for me to know there is more to forgive, thus I commit myself to ask myself what about it do I want to hold onto and what is it about myself within it that I do not want to change – to assist myself to Stand within my Commitment to let go of the fear of loss / the fear of letting go and the feeling of growing old / grief / sadness.

I commit myself to know where I stand with people and things, where I Stop the illusion within my mind of believing that I have to hold onto something or someone and to instead redefine my relationship to it/them according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anything that can be lost, cannot and is Not real.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to continue to Investigate and Forgive myself for my relationship to things and people within the dimensions of control and fear of loss.

 

Day 279: When you say nothing at all

Wanting to blame my partner for how I experience myself is unacceptable, but I want to nonetheless. The thoughts in my head tell the story of how “he” doesn’t have anything to say to me that hasn’t been said a hundred times before. And the thought that comes forth from there is ‘that’s what happens when you’ve been with someone for 22 years’.  As I continue to investigate I realize there’s really something else going on…

When I participate in specific thoughts, an energy arises from within me that begins in the pit of my stomach and ever so slowly moves upward toward my head region. For a moment there is a slight energetic excitement and I realize how within my mind, I want to say something to my partner. I want to tell him how to be and how he should act toward me. I want him to validate me so I can stop ‘feeling bad’ about myself and I mean, how strange is it really to desire such attention and control over another person…

As I stop and breathe,  I realize I’ve been here before.  The experience of self pity is a negative emotion and as I investigate deeper I see how I feel physically and mentally tired – which makes sense considering how when I participate in certain thoughts like, ‘why doesn’t he say something’, how that stimulates and or triggers the emotion of self pity which in itself seeks to reach for some kind of self validation.

why do i feel so badThe thing is, self pity keeps me stuck in a pit within myself. It’s like a pit stop within where I hold myself within a sort of a gut wrenching fear. The fear to look on, to investigate who I am, to continue to READ the story, My Story. To see who I am within what I’m accepting and allowing within my fear to face All of me. As I continue to investigate I am able to see where and when I began to ‘feel bad‘…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for being the reason for me having a negative experience of myself when what’s going on within me actually has nothing at all to do with how my partner is or isn’t behaving.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not always the emotion of self pity that is the source point but actually the outflow consequence of the actual source point which is the ‘feeling bad’ emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a relationship with myself wherein I attack myself within my mind within self judgment statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to self judgment as the thought comes up about myself of, ‘I’m not living up to my full potential‘, and for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘feeling bad’ emotion through participating in thoughts of self judgment which activates the’ self pity emotion’ and for what follows, which is ‘when’ I begin to seek validation, attention and / or recognition from someone and /or something outside myself such as in this instance, where I began to project frustration and anger to / towards my partner.

When and as I see myself having thoughts that are self judging, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to see this as a red flag for me to know it’s time to direct myself, to in self honesty investigate what it is that’s coming up within me that’s creating the ‘energy of feeling bad’ which is actually using my own mind against myself.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I manipulate myself through self judgment and self pity, what I’m doing is reacting to my own mind, where I use whatever thoughts necessary to distract myself, even if it means blaming others, just so long as I don’t have to face who I am as the story and the characters/personalities that I have lived my entire life as.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself as Life through self judgment, manipulation, blame and self pity.

I commit myself to remain aware of and so Stop abusing myself deliberately through self judgment, which activates feeling bad emotions and me feeling sorry for myself, which leads to the self pity energy.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how to stop and change my relationship to self pity through stopping my participation in the ‘feeling bad’ reaction moment within myself.

I commit myself to utilize my memories as reference points to find when and where and why and towards who or what is it that the ‘feeling bad’ energy keeps activating from and ultimately producing the self pity energy.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of feeling bad and self pity.

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“I suggest, if you can Find it in you – you’re going to have to Look Very Deep to Find this: That you DO STOP, and Start your Process. It is Inevitable. You’re not going to get Away. There is No place to Hide. Every Single Energy, Every Single Thought, Every Single Thing you have EVER, in ANY WAY Conceived – leave a ‘Mark’, in your Book of Life. Make sure – it’s Worth Reading. Because, if it’s Not: There’s going to be a Consequence, and you can’t just ‘Wipe it Out’. You can Only take Responsibility for it through Self-Forgiveness, and from that perspective ‘Delete it’, in as much as, it will No Longer be the ‘You’ that will Create the Future – but, it will be the ‘You’ in the Past. And therefore you will Live in the ‘Present’, in every Moment – Living, Presenting, Being part of That which is Best for All, Always, which is what “Present” encompass, the HERE.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

For Context Please Read:

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to something and/or someone within an illusion in my mind where I have believed that the nature of abuse within the relationship will forever remain, I stop. Instead I breathe, I see, realize and understand that my mind fears losing the relationship because I have formed a pattern of and as it through my acceptance, when in reality, I am aware that I AM able to change the nature of who I am as the abuse to one that honors All Life unconditionally, equally as one.

I commit myself to stop participating when I see myself wanting to hold on to the specific mother/daughter connection/relationship that I have with my daughter/children in order to solidify who I’ve been within and as superiority because I see, realize and understand that the power of control I’ve demanded over my children has only created a restraint upon their self expression as well as my own. I commit myself to Stop.

I commit myself to direct myself to stop who I am as anger and spite because I see, realize and understand that to remain acting as such is a total disregard for life itself and I realize that I’m not actually angry at anyone or anything but myself, that I’m actually angry and spiteful within for how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my mind in total disregard for who I am as my physical body and for the consequences that doing so creates within and as my world/physical body and reality.

I commit myself to Stop reacting in cycles of abusive patterns of reaction to/towards my daughter/children because I see, realize and understand that I am aware of when the anger rises from within my solar plexus and I understand that I have that moment in breath where I can direct myself to change the very nature of the relationship to one that is supportive, giving and celebratory.

I commit myself to stop my personal self interest and to stop myself from going into a traumatized state of mind when I see that my relationship with someone is changing and instead I commit myself to investigate and practice introspecting with regards to what it is that I have learned from the relationship and how has the relationship enriched my mind, myself and my life and living.
EqualifeI commit myself to slowing down, to breathe, and to in self honesty really look at the relationships within my life and actually learn from them and through learning from them change my living and my behavior.

I commit myself to opening up a connection with my daughter/children to see, realize and understand that it’s opening up within me a particular part of me or a particular expression, or a particular characteristic that I had not yet recognized inside myself that I have accessed through the relationship and I commit myself to allow myself to see the unique expression that each relationship I have with another is a gift for me to recognize about myself.

I commit myself to investigate what is my daughter/my child showing of me that I haven’t recognized or lived within myself and what is it of me that I am accessing in relationship with them and in that to see the gift they are giving.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop the mind relationship where I attach another into my mind and make them a part of an energetic episode of spite and anger, to thus stop my fear of things changing and/or stopping the projection of things changing, and to instead live in the moment, to see what I can learn from others from myself everyday and to make the most out of every moment of breath so that together we can focus on changing our world to one where All abuse and suffering such as poverty can be stopped, because in seeing ourselves in another we will learn/accept the gift of giving as we’d like to receive.

I commit myself to be more directive in my life with regards to the relationships within my life, to become more intimate and grateful for the gifts that the connections these relationships have afforded me throughout my life.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that All Education and Intellect on Earth is Based on the Foundation of Ignorance to Disregard the fact that the Initial Instructions of a New Born Child were Inadequate and thus at Root Cause for a World and Society that live in Ways that Do Not Honor Life or Each other, but only Honor Survival as Successful Living.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” Bernard Poolman

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Support Living Income Guaranteed

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How to Successfully Commit to the Relationship

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