Tag Archive | Basic Income Grant

Day 271: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Death of a Relationship – Day 38

To share how one experience themself when someone close to them dies, doesn’t come easy for most of us because the subject of death is one we work hard to avoid. I mean on the one hand we want to talk with others about how shocked we are from the loss of a loved-one through a sudden or unexpected death, yet on the other hand, the topic of death itself triggers our ultimate fear, our fear of death and dying.
death of a relationship
Since being diagnosed some 10 months ago with Breast Cancer, I’ve been investigating my fear of death, even still it is very uncomfortable when death hits close to home.  It’s like looking behind yourself, to your past to see yourself, yet knowing full well within yourself,  that you did not see ‘it’ coming, ‘it’ being ‘death’, which always brings with it, the ‘death of a relationship’.

My favorite uncle was admitted into the hospital for Bacterial Pneumonia, and this is an all to familiar road because in my family, my mother and my brother, both died from pneumonia, and then now, my uncle has died from it as well, he was 53.

My uncle was one of the funniest people I’ve ever been around, and I wish I would have called him a month ago when the thought of doing so was triggered when my daughter mentioned she’d seen him where she had been working that day.

This time as the news of the death of a close family member came, I became oddly aware of how it was like for a moment, time stood still and for a split second I saw no difference between death and life. Meaning in how we exist here, acting like we’re life,  all the while existing like the living dead in how we accept and allow things like war, poverty and starvation to exist.  All I know is, that in that moment,  life and death seemed oddly the same and if only for a moment, there was no evidence within me of fear.

The moment of having no fear was of course fleeting, and I watched as I allowed myself to get sucked into the memories of the relationship I had with my uncle.  I remained aware of how my mind wanted to indulge in an enjoyable recollection of past events which came with an uncomfortable feeling of regret, guilt and sadness.  An all to familiar feeling within my mind that comes with the death of a relationship.

For the moment, this is all I can share,  but I will be watching and reading Heaven‘s Blog, because the specific context that’s being walked is about when something unexpected happens within one’s world that is personally-traumatic, where one go into an absolute mental and physical shock.

This will prove to be very assisting for how I’ve experienced myself the last couple of weeks – in how I felt ‘hectic’ inside myself when the fact is, it was hectic because of how within my mind I’ve been grieving within the fear of loss.  Basically, I’ve participated within and as the energy of regret, guilt and sadness while facing my ultimate fear, my fear of death and dying…

Alright, that’s all for now.

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Be Sure to Read:
Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479

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Day 176: After Death Communication – Part 25

“This World Is, Practically Speaking: Judgment Day. You’re Living it, Every day, Every breath. You are Living, Your Judgment. And, as you Judge, whether it is to Pretend that you are More than Life, or that you are the Product of Allowed Abuse, and thus Less than it : you are the One that Choose. You are the one that Decide. You are the One that Determine. You are the One that Allow. You are the One that Accept. You are the One Who will Find, that what is Here, is what is Hereafter. Unless you Change, while you’re Here, Proven Steadfastly, that you have In Fact Changed, Consistently, Breath by Breath, Never to Again Allow Life to Fall under your Self Interested Judgment; unless you Walk this in such a Steadfast Way that you will Never be Doubted, because you Never Doubt yourself, because You Will Stand regardless of what it Takes, to Bring About that Which is Best for Life, in Every Way, Always: You’ll Not be Worthy of Life.

And, because you don’t know when your Last Breath is, I suggest: You Stand Fast, and then Remain Steadfast. Because, by Now, Commonsense should Show you, that when you Die – All that Happens to the Dead, is that the Living try and keep their Memory Alive.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 268: Demonizing the Poor

For Context: America’s Poor Are Demonized To Justify Huge Cuts in Gov’t Prgrams

Have you ever noticed how rarely the topic of ‘Poverty’ is discussed publicly, especially within the political arena and mainstream media? I guess it makes sense that the rich and famous wouldn’t want to talk about poverty or starvation – because bringing an awareness to the reality that poverty does actually exist and,  is how life is experienced on earth – could prove rather disastrous for those already in power.

What I’ve noticed is how the topic of poverty and income inequality is ever so-lightly being thrown around amongst the Democratic and Republican Parties, but it seems to be only a means in which to keep the numbness to the topics intact…

It’s strange because we’re demonizing poverty,  like for instance just today, in the United States, the Department of Labor reported that more people than ever are giving up on finding work. This gives us the impression that people are lazy and don’t want to work and in this we begin to demonize those who end up living below the poverty line…
poverty
A Quote from this article puts it this way: “The odd way our unemployment statistics work, makes the number the newspapers report go down.

Because when a few hundred thousand people say: ‘All right, I give up, it is so hopeless, I will never find a job,’ that, curiously, results in the unemployment number going down because the number that gets reported in the papers is a measure of a percentage of how many of the people looking for work are unable to find it.”

We talk about Income inequality without looking for a permanent Solution for the alarming and ever so-growing number of people who are living below the poverty line.   It’s time that each one of us – no matter who we are or where we live – that we start asking ourselves ‘how much longer we’re willing to continue to support the rich’? And to instead, begin to Support Each Other.

I’ve been guilty of demonizing the poor, but as I’ve looked closer at the point,  I’ve realized my demonizing the poor existed in pictures in my mind of what/how I ‘thought’ Poverty looked like,  but honestly, I had no real clue what being poor looked like in real life.  I certainly didn’t comprehend how close a middle-class family is to living below the poverty line.   Hell, I watched my mom and dad punch the time clock on their run at surviving and the only thing that’s changed is that there are fewer jobs now than there was then.

The one thing that we can be sure of is that we’re going to have to keep racing the clock to make money or we’ll die, because life is NOT free.  That means that we’re going to have to work every day to get that paycheck and then when we get it,  we’re terrified because we realize we’re almost broke and we just got paid.

So times are hard and of course we want to work because we want/need to eat and so the days of assuming folks are lazy because they don’t have a job simply isn’t true and, if we’re lucky enough to have a job, then we should consider ourselves as one of the elite.  One of the elite because in order for us to have, there have to be those who have not. That’s a hard one to swallow but deep within me, I finally get that there is no excuse for accepting and allowing income inequality and poverty and starvation and war to exist in any way whatsoever.  Because at the end of the day what’s happening is, we’re fighting against each other – while the rich and the famous reap the rewards from our insanity/acceptance/actions.

So, Let’s Stop killing ourselves trying to survive within our Current Broken Money System and let’s begin to Support each other as a Group. Let’s see how strong we are together and change the system, because our strength is in how many of us there are.

Let’s come together and Investigate the Solution to Income Inequality and Poverty, Let’s investigate and Guarantee a Living Income to Everyone.

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Day 418: Basic Income Can Save Capitalism

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Fear of Commitment (Part Three): DAY 441

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to within this see, realise and understand to what extent my Mind/me within and as it was “closed, isolated and separated” from everything/everyone else within this existence – to the extent where I would not have within and as my existent thinking-processes/reasoning skills been able to question and so investigate ‘who I am within me/my life and my relationship to all that is here’. Therefore exposing the extent to which our thinking/reasoning and even seeing/consideration and regard for ourselves and others is limited/locked-in and caged into and as the confines of our own Consciousness – not leaving any room/space for anything/anyone other than our own Self Interest of wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to assist and support self to change myself from Consciousness-confinement in the Mind, to and as expanding my Self-Awareness into and as Physical equality and oneness – within this process, to see/realise/understand how ‘oneness’ already exist in that we’re all physically here in this physical existence, however Equality within that Oneness does not yet exist, because we’re all individually separate in our own Minds/Consciousness – competing for our wants, self-interest and greed instead of sharing, consideration/regard and giving to others as we would to ourselves. Therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to practically in moments where I see I am thinking only of MY WANT and not what is best for everyone – to stop and change, to become more aware of the consequence MY WANTS create not only for me, but for others as well.” ~ Sunette Spies

 

 

Day 267: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Money Trap – Day 37

Just talking about Money, or rather the lack of it causes me to feel dis-ease within myself. I become uncomfortable inside my skin and it’s like I’m suddenly trapped and the fact is, we’re All trapped in a deadly Money System that thrives off of the suffering of others…

The other night I wrote a blog that I titled:  Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

I wrote the following sentence:

“All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well.” 

And then today, my partner was saying to me how the amount of money we spend every month purchasing the things that I absolutely have to have in order to specifically follow the alternative cancer treatment plan that I’ve chosen,  is way more than I said it was.  As I heard him say those words , of course I knew that he was correct, because pretty much 75% of everythimg that we spend money on is what I require if I’m to be successful in getting well with my treatment plan for breast cancer.

that thing called moneyAs I agreed with what my partner was saying, I knew I had to stop and breathe and remain aware of this sort of mini possession my mind was trying to take me into. Instead of allowing myself to go get  stuck in a point of paranoia,  I began to see the practicality in what becomes of the money we spend on my supplies.

A quick glance around my house one might not even know that my home has become my treatment center. A place where, for the first time in my life, I’m putting the welfare of my physical body first and foremost and being responsible for nourishing it – instead of what my mind would prefer by way of wants and desires.

I began to look back to when I first began my daily treatment routine. How me as my mind didn’t take kindly to the routine much less to the fact that there were no excuses allowed to not follow the routine strictly. The first 3 months I became somewhat depressed and felt as if I was mistreating myself.  It was what I’ve learned through applying the tools offered through Desteni I Process that got me through it – where I was able to remain consistent through using how the mind loves the comfort of routine, thus my daily routine has become only things that offer assistance, support and healing for my physical body.

So from the moment my feet touched the floor in the mornings, instead of going for a morning cup of coffee, I had to begin a most unexpected thing. And, In the beginning, my first thought every single day was, ‘I can’t do ‘it’ anymore’. The ‘it’ was, as Dr. Kelley puts it, an absolute necessity for the Cancer Patient, and one that should be done first thing every day within the first hour upon rising in the morning. I had so much resistance to the idea of it in the beginning but now I completely get how the human can direct oneself to change because I’ve been doing ‘it’ every morning now for 10 months and it never crosses my mind to not do it.

What I’m referring to is giving myself a coffee enema. It’s something that I’ve only now become comfortable talking about because now I get it. I understand the importance of the coffee enema. It assists my body to flush out the toxins that are being ingested by the massive amount of pancreatic enzymes that I take.  I also drink 3 ounces of Essiac Tea  3 times a day for detoxification as well.

So the point here is,  how the very mention of money causes me to be distracted from my goal of getting well and remaining focused and consistent. And, it’s important for me to have a reality check for myself because this topic is a sore spot and when my partner mentioned that we spend way more than $800 US Dollars – I immediately became aware of how tense my upper back and chest area became. I began to experience myself as irritated at myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get cancer in the first place. And this is how the mind trips us up and we become sucked into an automated pattern of self interest and self pity where we become afflicted by what’s called the plum disease,  “poor little old me”,   and we begin to describe ourselves with self-deprecating phrases..

Please don’t mistake my meaning, because how I experience life and how you or anyone experiences life on earth matters. Every bit of it. Everyone and Everything that is here is specific whether we understand it or not. The life experience on Earth is the direct result/ consequence of what each one of us accept and allow. Like how we accept and allow poverty and war and dirty politicians, and how we accept and allow the so-called rich and famous to set the standards with regards to who and what’s important within our world.

What’s important is that we don’t stop questioning our reality until we’re absolutely sure that all suffering has come to an end. Because as a Society, WE ARE in Big Trouble. So much so that debt collection is greeted with more support than the issue of the growing number of people around our world who have little to no access to clean drinking water.

Ok, so I’m realizing that I can forgive myself for the blame I’ve put on others instead of seeing the role that I play in how our current world/money system exists. And how I AM able to direct myself to change who I am, to stop any actions of greed in how I’ve lived my life only looking out for me and mine – to instead, be a living example of what it is to Give to another that which I would want given to me. Because what is best is a World where our Earth, our Waters and our Air are given priorities of protection, because they Give Life and since all living beings require these elements then the right to all of them must be given Freely.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself start to get anxious or irritable when the topic of spending money comes up – where within my mind I begin to feel sorry for myself for having to spend so much money on the things that I require to assist my physical body to recover – I stop, I breathe – I slow myself down and I walk with consistency completing those movements that are important in redesigning who I am and how I live my life according to what’s best for all.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that the human is the complete slave of the mind that capitulated with ease, and thus will require extensive time to realize the true nature of the MIND and MONEY.

I commit myself to show that real power is Life and NOT money.

I commit myself to show that equality as the physical interconnectedness realized will end the reign of money and mind as God.

I commit myself to awaken the physical to its true nature and being as Life.

I commit myself to confront those that are possessed by money and mind with Life so they may wake up from their hypnotic sleep.

I commit myself to show that war only exists because of its participants, and that all participants are equally responsible for the abuse of war, and that to allow war through silence, is to be part of war.

I commit myself to show that breathing disciplined, committed to Life as what is best for all Life, will always come to full realization that will end all slavery of Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 265: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – On Death and Dying – Day 36

Every once in awhile I’ll have a day where what’s going on in my mind is a repeating pattern of specific memories, memories that I’ve given value to according to an experience from my past.  These particular memories mostly include members of my family who have died, like for instance my mom, my brother and/or my sister.   The memories are accompanied with a strange feel good sadness where I reminisce as I indulge in an enjoyable recollection of my past experiences.  This is how my mind reels me in, ever so gently until it’s like the trigger is pulled and instantly, I become locked within a semi-sweet memory/feeling that will always go from a positive energy experience to a negative one in like 2.2 seconds and suddenly,  I’m face to face with my fear of death and dying.

Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
marlens2This particular pattern has become less frequent than when it began which is what I allowed to happen the first time I was told that I had breast cancer.

So in the first few months as the pattern evolved I would miss the memory as the trigger and be swept away in Fear rather quickly.  But now,  it’s like I’m having new memories come forth but not really.

 Still I’m very aware of how  I’ve entered another dimension of myself as my mind and now I’m seeing how the memory was always here for me to access to be able to stop and forgive myself however,  I was moving so fast within myself as my mind that I was unable or unwilling to look, to see where and who I’ve been during all the memories that I have stored within every part of my physical body.

So now I’m seeing an increased awareness coming forth from within me and it’s become easier to investigate further into and as the patterns of my mind.  It’s definitely a process worth walking for oneself and I’m fortunate, because I’ve had the tools from Desteni I Process and I know how to apply them and in doing so I’ve been able to direct myself within a clearer understanding of how having cancer is proving to be very self-educating and thus very assisting.

Also it’s important to note here how weird my sleeping was last night and how I was constantly and continually aware of an intense pain within my breast surrounding the areas where the lump is. ‘The lump’ has become less scary to touch for me now, so when the pain comes, it’s like I allow myself to go into the pain, to focus on remaining aware of my breathing and allow myself to investigate the pain – instead of trying to run and hide from it in fear within my mind.  Sometimes briefly I’ll catch myself off guard and be swept in for a moment.   For a second I’ll became trapped in a mini-automated paranoia episode taking place within my mind about death and dying, but more and more I’ve been able to stop, breathe and investigate the how’s and why’s to determine how I may assist my physical body to get well.

With regards to the pain I had last night which was similar to the same kind of pain I’ve had on at least 4 other occasions, I’ve come to realize that according to the sensation of the pain and how it physically feels like there’s a pulling taking place – it’s like the lump is pulling away from the surrounding tissue that it’s grown attached to – like the lump is ever so slowly letting go, dying, becoming a dead tumor.

Of course, I can’t yet prove my theory, but if that is in fact what’s happening, then the results will eventually become known anyway…. The point here that I’m trying to put into words, is that when I ‘get physical‘, so to speak, when I hear my body when it’s hurting,  thirsty and/or basically when my physical body is giving me an opportunity to see who I am as it and direct myself,  it’s interesting,  because it is in that moment when my fear of death and dying ceases to exist.

Alright so that’s all for tonight.

Check out the New Dip Lite – Free Online Course where you’ll learn essential Life Skills’

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have Realized that the FLESH acts like a HARDDRIVE, that Stores one’s Memories as Stories as the History of the Creation of the Character in the Narrative used as the Idea of Self, which is then Projected on the Screen of the MIND which Tell A Vision show and supported by the words the Self Speaks to Convince this Self as Character that it is Real, but take away the Memories, and the Self Disappears immediately, exactly what happens at Death as well.

I commit myself to SHOW that the FLESH as STORAGE of Memories From which is Created Personal Consciousness, is NOT GRASPED and that the Importance given to the MIND cause a World of ABUSE and DELUSION that will keep on Growing ’till Man wake up and Study the Real ISSUES in the TISSUE of the Body.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

Today I got a little freaky about the amount of money we’ve been having to spend lately on organic fruits and vegetables, and tea, as well as pancreatic enzymes and vitamins and ALL the other stuff that I have to have as I continue with my Daily Alternative Treatment plan – which includes the Metabolic Diet, which initself  brings about a kind of stability and strengthens and assists in ridding the physical body of cancer.

Lig guaranteed incomeTo give a quick update: My last HCG urine test showed a decrease in cancer from 53.0 to 52.6. This was proof after 6 months that what I’m applying is effective. The end of this month will put me at 10 months of treatment and so I will be sending off another urine sample to see if there has been improvement.

I realized today that when I got a ‘little freaky’, or rather when I become ‘anxious’ about money,  I experience that anxiety in the pit of my stomach – just thinking about spending money sends me reeling in my mind in fear of not having enough of it.

All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well. It doesn’t seem fair for me to complain because I’m fortunate in that I have an amazing supportive partner, who works hard and provides a way where we’re able to get me the things I need.   And,,,The truth is, Everyone should be so fortunate…

I am absolutely certain that if we removed the day to day stress of worrying about whether or not we’ll have enough money for food, or for a home,  or,  will we be able to afford an Education and/or find a job.  Money stresses us out more than we realize and we should take the time to investigate and consider who we’d be,  if we removed all our Money woes – by providing a Living Income for Everyone.

There is absolutely no telling who we’d all become. Our day to day interaction with each other would almost immediately change because we’d begin to stop participating in our mind within the thoughts/fears of not knowing if we’re even going to have, or make enough Money to survive.

Can you imagine never again worrying about whether you’ll have enough of something?

Can you imagine being able to have a place to live in that you can call your own?

Can you imagine going to work because you’re willing to contribute to improving Life on Earth for Everyone, and not just because you have to because you need money?

Can you imagine the enjoyment of Giving to Everyone every opportunity that we ourself would like to Receive?

Imagine how a Living Income Guaranteed will Change Your Life!

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the Daily Life on the Daily Planet of Society Revolves around Pretentious Characters that SWOP Places Depending on the Situation and Context of the Environment a Person find themselves in as the NOW, Creating in Full Knowledge Billions of fake Scenarios Daily where all Participants Pretend to Be a Character just to Suit the Illusion around which Society Revolves.

I commit myself to SHOW that SWOPPING PLACES in the MIND between Characters Deliberately Designed for Survival on Earth, is a Field and Frontier yet to Become Realized by Humanity, and Once this is Understood, Life on Earth will dramatically change, as the Value System will NO Longer Feed the Illusion of the MIND.” Bernard Poolman

Day 148: Swopping Places

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Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed

Day 257: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Breast Cancer Awareness Month – Day 34

October kicks off with something called ‘The National Breast Cancer Awareness Month’ (NBCAM), which is basically where numerous public service organizations, the medical establishment and government agencies come together to promote breast cancer awareness. Now this whole thing began more than 25 years ago when the National Cancer Institute (NCI) began to raise money to fund their seemingly never ending research into Cancer.

“The Establishment politicians passed legislation to declare WAR upon CANCER. Thus, they went to Fort Detrick and took down the U.S. Army Chemical and Biological Warfare department SIGN. They then placed two signs on the front gate of the facility: on the left, NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE (NCI), and on the right, WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO). This was and is properly ballyhooed by the Establishment Media, and financed to the tune of several hundred Billion Dollars yearly from American taxpayers.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

breast cancer aawarenessThe deception runs deep so, I suggest this October, as we begin Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we educate ourselves about what it is we’re actually supporting. I mean, has it come to our awareness as to how much money the elite officials of these organizations earn yearly?

How much of the money raised goes to assist those who actually have cancer? Very little…And, Is the research these funded corporations claim they are doing, has it made any real difference in the Prevention of Cancer? The fact is, the cost of prevention has not even brought about a decrease in Cancer.

In fact, the odds of who will get cancer now, compared to 25 years ago, has actually increased to almost 1 in every 2 people. At the moment, my family is an example of the reality of those facts because in April of this year, (2013), I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then just 2 weeks ago my cousin who’s in her early 40’s, was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. And then just two weeks later, my aunt who’s in her early 70’s, (the mother of my cousin who has thyroid cancer), she was just diagnosed with cancer in both her breasts.  That’s 3 family members who all in the same year have now been diagnosed with Cancer.

So Cancer,  is on the increase. Yet strangely enough we continue to fund the research and accept the current established treatment for Cancer the same way we’ve always done. Not realizing that we’re living the consequences of those decisions and seeing an increase in Cancer.

I mean, to hell with pink.   The statistics should be a red flag for us to question whether or not we’ve reached any Real point of Awareness about how and why our Physical body gets Cancer. So, what is going on within Our Society and Why is Cancer on the increase?

We will find the answer to our question as we take a closer look at the organizations whose research we’re currently funding. In this we can know who is making money off of people getting cancer?

The fact is, no one is providing a solution to Cancer that can be equally available and given to everyone according to what’s best for all.

We’re not yet aware of how much of what we eat and breathe and consume – how All of That – contributes to how our body processes and provides for itself. It’s time we asked how is our consumer-money-drivin lives creating the very disease everyone is scared as hell to be diagnosed with.

Alright so the fact is, we’ve got to Educate ourselves about how and why these organizations are being supported when the facts prove that they are part of the problem, instead of the solution.

“In short, the cancer victims of today face the Establishment enemy within, who are relentless and determined to Plunder and Kill you at any cost. ‘False Hope’ is not my objective. To be realistic, we have two enemies, CANCER and the ESTABLISHMENT. 

There will never be a CURE for Cancer until the Establishment can accomplish their objectives by permitting it. Their primary goals are money and control. What big conglomerate will get the blessings of the Big Establishment? Nothing happens on the world scene that is not planned and designed by The Big Establishment.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

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Suggest The Following:

Charity and Activism – why is it a Capitalistic Scheme – Overview – Day 293 

Day 100 – The REAL Veracity of Philanthropy

Day 257: Charity – Celebration of Human Selfishness

Day 81 Crime’s Journey to Life – Charity as Entertainment

Day 158: Prevention is the Best Cure

157. Wishing Well as Self Interest

287. You get Happy with your Paycheck?

Day 79: Charity will not end Poverty

Day 20: The Insanity of Economics – Food Aid Does Not Help the Poor

2012 – Stop Suppression to Stop Possession: Dare to Share 

Human Chains

Day 350: A Living Income Guaranteed will End Charity – for Real

Day 148: Swopping Places

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Day 39: Is Charity Greed?

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that charity has been abused by the corporations to promote their products and distribute them to the poor – while the corporation, at the same time, benefit from tax benefits which place more pressure on the community at large with tax requirements to meet the budgets of a failed system.

I commit myself to show that charity is a criminal act that condemns the poor to a Life of failure and early death because the charitable will not give up their control and will justify the abuse through supporting a failed system in spite of the clear certainty that the system has failed.

I commit myself to question the integrity of activists, and to remind activists that activism should be about a new world system that is best for all life always, and that any activist that cannot stand for what is best, is in fact only an extension of the system of greed that has failed Life in every way.” Bernard Poolman

Day 256: Hooked on a Feeling

This morning I was listening to Joao Jesus‘s song that he wrote/sings/ dedicated to Bernard Poolman shortly after Bernard died. As I heard it I realized I was still in the energy of sadness. I mean, I miss Everything about Bernard to the point that I depended upon my relationship with him to move me, to give me energy, to motivate me.

The ‘Relationship’ I had with Bernard was one that began as a positive energy experience that me as my mind became extremely fond of…Even though I never met Bernard in person, I became acquainted with him online in early 2008 after having spent months listening to quite a list of Desteni video’s on youtube.
hooked on a feeling
It was on the Desteni website that I first read the words of Bernard Poolman as well as when I became familiar with the Desteni material – which contains insights into the afterlife and perspectives on how our mind as consciousness functions.

It All made perfect sense and for the most part, I felt like I was keeping a clear perspective.

However, within my mind, I was making Bernard Poolman out to be a God, our Savior, and the one I aspired to be like.

So basically, I followed Bernard within and as an energy. A positive energetic feeling that I can only describe as ‘intense’, yet within that, there was a sort of,,, built in safety net,  where I would harness any and all attention that I would interpret myself as having received from him.  Then I used that energy for comfort, and I used it to motivate and deceive myself within a picture in my mind giving myself the illusion of progress within walking my process.   So now, I see, realize and understand how in doing so I hindered myself in developing my own point of self trust and stability.

So this is a point I’ve been investigating for a few weeks now and so when I heard Joao’s song this morning and saw how it triggered an energy of sadness,  I began to see how my mind was using that energy to generate and fuel the memory in an attempt to keep my relationship to Bernard alive.  Realizing what was going on I stopped participating in what was a positive cozy feel good energy illusion masked in sadness. All in an attempt to keep in place an idea within my mind with regards to my relationship with Bernard and all the ‘specialness’ that entailed.

So it’s been interesting to see how I depended upon resourcing that energy for/as my mind and only now realizing that I’m actually resourcing the energy from my own physical body so that who I am as ego can continue. WTF!

I mean, I’ve been playing around within and as a emotional experience of sadness and using it to fuel my ego. And how the way that I experienced myself,  in using that sadness emotion, had nothing to do with who Bernard Poolman actually was. Because I mean Bernard was a Man of Honour.  He Honored LIfe within all that Life consists of and as.

So, I certainly see how I fell within this point, and so, I am here. Standing up and beginning again because the thing is, there is nothing else to do. I’ve walked this Journey to Life long enough to know that I can only avoid facing myself for so long. That finally there comes the point where walking the practical application of self correction is not only necessary it’s unavoidable and inevitable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a person within my memories to where every time I think about them or think about what happened to them I become sad to where the sadness overwhelms me to the point of compromising myself and my relationship to life and living and within that not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent that doing so can lead one to depression all the while not understanding energy’s relationship to memory and/or to a person therefore, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of participating in the emotional experience of sadness within my mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I was only looking at the memories through energy.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every time I “think” of the memory, I’m making myself sad, and to instead consider that there’s more to my relationship with this person that I walked for an extended period of time than me just becoming emotionally sad every time I think of them or remember them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only purpose my mind has for reminding me of something and or someone is because it generates energy, an emotional energy of sadness which it utilize to energize itself with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the energy of sadness feels within my solar plexus, how when I feel sad it’s like a sudden shift inside myself where I feel destabilized and yet within that an odd feeling of comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I can’t let go of the sadness because if I let go I’m dishonoring the loss / the relationship, and / or that the sadness will somehow keep them alive.

I commit myself to ground myself in relation to sadness/loss by looking beyond the point of disconnection / the death, and to instead look at the process with which I walked with the person, to look at the gifts within the relationship that I can gift to myself.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I revisit a memory in relation to death / loss and the sadness comes in relation to the energy I used in looking into them, that all that’s doing is benefiting my mind and in no way benefit who I am or my life and living.

I commit myself to slow down within myself, to be with myself breathing, free from using something or someone outside of myself for energy/stimulation.

I commit myself to look at memories with a clear direct perspective by approaching the memories of that someone / loss within the starting point of ‘what can I learn from what I have walked with the person’.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that TRUST as Self-Trust as Life is the realization that Life is the only Real Value, and that Humanity as a group must Give to each other the Right to Life to such a Level that TRUST can be established that is consistent for all Life so that the Game of Fear can stop and abuse on Earth of Life in favour of survival in self-interest, will be NO MORE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I only trust the inner me as my teacher, I am lost – as the inner me, inner voice, is physically programmed to always follow the system, even when it looks like a Love/Hate Relationship. Any inner voice is ALWAYS the result of external programming that took many years to form the you that you accept yourself to be.

I commit myself to demonstrate that the human is physically programmed as an Organic Robot with Fuzzy Logic that will always end up choosing one of the programmes the system wants the human to choose, regardless of intent and that the human is a physical slave with the Mind NOT the Real Power.

I commit myself to show that Relationships built on: I Love You and Trust Me, are bound to fail, as the Human does not understand how this reality of the Flesh as Living Word really functions.” Bernard Poolman

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Bernard’s Passing Away

The Words of Bernard Poolman

Bernard Poolman people hate to love him