Archive | October 2010

‘All as One as Equal’

It’s Halloween and one of many days in which we choose to ‘buy’ in to and celebrate by dressing up in costumes and going door to door ‘chanting‘: trick or treat. I noticed within me a point of separation existing in a definition of myself as ‘resentful’. Within this resentment is the lies surrounding these kinds of days that I have in the past participated in and accepted and allowed, and I still resent this about myself. I resent that within it all, I never cared to see the inequality that exists because I participated within the dishonesty of consumerism and made a mockery out of life. I did not see all life equal to another as all as one.

We have never existed as life because to be of life is to realize another life to be equal to and as self. To participate within the consumerism is to disregard life – spending money on useless costumes as if we don’t already mask ourselves daily. As if our daily habitual spending is not consuming enough.

Clearly poverty and starvation exist and is the example of what we accept and allow as we divide and conquer within a polarity equation – where we accept the death of starvation upon another. Our deception within our many distractions only shows us our fear of facing ourself in seeing the horrors within the multitudes of suffering. The moment is here to clean up our mess-age and it begins with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in consumerism while half the world is starving and living in extreme poverty. I Stop. I direct myself equally self-responsible for all that exists here. I stand in support of a system that first realizes human necessities such as food, water, clothes and shelter and in common sense I realize that an Equal Monetary System for all from birth till death can and will bring about a World where Equality is regarded first and for all – ’The Right of Breath’ – ‘The Right of Life’. ‘All as One as Equal’

Effects of Relationships on Children must be Stopped

The point of relationships and marriage and the effects this has on children is close to my heart today. I have lived this point of where the energies surrounding the reason for me beginning a relationship or getting married simply lost its appeal. It’s interesting looking at these energies that I participated in and is easy to see the points where the extinction of each began its decline.

In each relationship I’ve had there have always been personal gratification points that each provided for my ego and I walked these points as an accepted allowance of me. Not one of these relationships was built upon equality and there was always a point of betrayal and that betrayal always began with me betraying me within what I stood for and as. When I divorced my first husband of which I had two children with, it was only afterward that I was able to see the points of betrayal of self that I existed as within the entire marriage. During the divorce I barely gave my children part of me because I was already accepting and allowing myself to search for another within an energetic mind pattern of seeking someone outside of myself to match energies with in order to obtain a false sense of balance within myself. All the while existing in polarity to all that is here.

Children pay the price when we are existing within resonant patterns of ourself. We are teaching them the same patterns while we are allowing them of ourself. Only now am I beginning to realize how energetic outflows of what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in carry on through generations, and in order to stop this cycle I must stop myself. It’s clearer now that it doesn’t matter who one is with, the energies within which one begins a relationship with, will not and cannot sustain itself – and it does not matter who is involved, the outcome will always be the same.

The point of flirting with another for the sake of their attention now seems rather ironic to me because, in fact in my flirting with another I am simply locking energies that match an energetic outflow of myself that I have long ago accepted and allowed of myself. lol. It only makes sense that this energy cannot and will not last which proves to me that from the beginning what I thought was real, was not.

I often feel sorry for kids whose parents are struggling to stay together. It’s as if my heart aches for them and I’m seeing that my heart is really aching for myself within the beliefs that I have built as ideas with regards to what living and loving is.

In my current marriage of almost nineteen years we have both reached the point where there is very little if any ‘energetic’ outflows and this is in itself a point of challenge that we are both in self-honesty embracing and pushing through to bring ourself together equally as one. It’s rather insightful for self to see the points in another that is clearly points that I myself am holding onto within a misconception of myself that is not real. It is assisting to walk this life with another even in moments when it seems I cannot walk this another moment. Within this, I am grateful.

Fascinating the changes for self that self-honesty and self-forgiveness offers. We are merely reflections of each other stumbling through together all that we have accepted and allowed. It requires breathing and patience of each other and self. So I stop energetic charges that may rise up to take me away into the mind to a place that I have been and have seen for myself is not real.

I can honestly say that Desteni Universe has been my saving grace. It is the assistance they provide as tools for self to see clearly in common sense what self is accepting and allowing of self. If applied, the tools provide self with answers in order to awaken self from the slumber not noticed before and I’ve begun to see how I alone have created this existence I see myself as.

Self-forgiveness, self-honesty and breathing is key in stopping these patterns that consume us to such a point that we loose all sight of who we really are. We are all the same repeated patterns of ourself cycling around each other barely glancing within ourself to see how we are existing as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a relationship built entirely upon energetic resonant outflows.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire myself to have an experience of myself as falling in love again instead of realizing that falling in love is an energetic mind illusion and thus not real which is why love fails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so involved in energetic pursuits of happiness that I failed in remaining equal to all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to yearn for the attention of another instead of realizing that the yearning is my physical reminding me to remain here with myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I am beyond allowing the mind to possess me instead of realzing the secret mind will attempt to glorify itself and so I stop and breathe and direct myself equal to all here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take others for granted and have disregarded another for the sake of experiencing an energetic outflow within a pattern of my mind.

Till here no further. I direct myself as all as one as equal.

The Equation of ‘Grace’

The Equation of ‘Grace’. I’m beginning to see more clearly how granting ‘grace’ upon another is the most beneficial for self. I have heard people speak of a ‘state of grace’ where being in God’s favor was implied. I have ‘thought’ that upon another as well. That was a lie lived. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that misconception. No, that is not ‘grace’.

Once I believed grace to be a manifestation of favor like a pardon or clemency. This was built upon self-interest and superiority and thus not valid.

I use to say ‘grace’ before a meal and in looking at this now it seems to fit more appropriately within how I now define ‘grace’. After all to ‘say grace’ implies that I am grateful – and when I have food, clean water, clothes and a home, I am grateful. To just say ‘grace’ for myself is not sufficient as this is separation from ‘life’ itself.

To be ‘breathing’ and ‘living’ in this existence justifies the right to the things required of the physical to exist, or else you are no longer ‘living’ because without food and water you ‘die’. Common sense.

So now, we say ‘grace’ in the way we move ourself in ‘common sense’ actions – standing in self-honesty in support of stopping world hunger and poverty by providing all life unmerited favor within the ‘Oneness and Equality Equation. ‘Grace’ in action defines the actual living word as self as ‘Grace’.

The Equation of ‘Grace’ = an Equal Money System – World Equality. Now that’s ‘Grace‘. Simple.

Directing myself in self-honesty and in studying

It was a quiet day today within myself and without and I only noticed brief thoughts within me with regards to me questioning my effectiveness in walking my process. It’s interesting how my mind will actually question and attempt to tell me that I am failing in walking my process. I immediately stop the thoughts, apply self-forgiveness and focus myself in breathing. This is my ‘secret mind’ attempting to use my process against me and I do not allow it. The mind will use any form of manipulation as a distraction and in the past I have fell for this form of self-trickery. I realize myself more clearly within self-trust in what I have been walking and released in self-forgiveness and so the thoughts are easier seen and stopped.

I have been studying to take my GED test and am pushing through some resistance within the fear of actually taking the test. I took a practice test online and was surprised in that if this had been the real test I only lacked 360 points to pass. The algebra part of the test is what I fear the most because I have never taken algebra before so much studying required in this area. It was very cool to realize how assisting all the reading that I have done with the Desteni material has assisted me in improving my common sense comprehension skills in regards to problem solving. I really saw the difference in myself when taking the pretest and how effective my reading skills have become. I admit I was rather surprised. After completing my GED, I want to begin taking classes that will assist me to acquire a job counseling teens or something similar. I am not completely exact in the area that will be the most appropriate for me and am taking this moment by moment. The biggest obstacle that has prevented me from furthering my education has been not having my diploma so this is where my focus is. It is easy to see how my lack of self-trust is contributed to within not having my diploma and this just seems crazy but has been a belief that I accepted and allowed about myself.

What I am realizing more and more in walking self-forgiveness application is how capable I am in determining things for myself and that I am no longer depending upon beliefs of others to determine who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow within myself and within my world. Knowledge and information is useless unless I incorporate it within me as who I am within the principles within which I stand. I now stand as the directive principle of me and I determine in self-honesty in every moment of breath who I am, and I stop accepting and allowing anything of myself that is not what is best for all. Every single moment of breath offers me the opportunity to see and direct myself according to the Principle of Equality and I will not settle for anything less of myself or others than that of Equality for all as one.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forfeit who I am according to others beliefs of me and I stand within the realization that I am capable of directing me equal to all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a failure for not completing high school nor receiving my diploma and I now stand within the correction of myself within realizing that I am capable of directing me as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to exist as inferior to knowledge and information instead of realizing that all that is here is me and within this I become the directive principle according to the equality equation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to exist as ego as a false misrepresentation of who I really am and I stand in realizing that as long as I am breathing it is never to late to direct myself in self-honesty equal to all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in fear that I am not able to handle solving the equation of myself instead of realizing that the equality equation refers to all life here equal and one to each other in all ways.

Self-Forgiveness is giving me myself

Often I have wanted to run away and escape this life I call mine, only to remind myself that I cannot run away from what is going on inside of me. In truth I am wanting to run away from my mind that I have accepted as myself and I have done this my whole life only to find myself face to face with myself once more in the very same place I left myself. Here I am, waiting for me to make some sense out of all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Here within this place of non acceptance of myself within all the bullshit that I have accepted and allowed, and within this place my mind wants to seek and search for fulfillment outside of myself, though never completely trusting that which I am accepting because it’s never the fulfillment that I will have expected it to be. My mind awaits corrective self-direction and I am now becoming the director in self-honesty that I’ve been waiting for.

It’s easy to see how self-forgiveness is giving me myself. Even in the moments when I don’t want to see a specific part of me that I have accepted and allowed because it is within these moments relief for self is greatest. It’s like snipping away remnants of lies built upon lies that I have told myself and relived as me over and over. Self-forgiveness is like pulling the lies out by the roots until all of my self-deception is cleared.

It is unbelievable the way that I have existed within ‘energies’ all of my life and when the ‘energies’ have run out, I have wanted to seek out more of the same and the cycle has continued, and it is a never ending cycle of self-abuse in which I am now stopping. When these energies are stopped there is a point within myself that says ‘what the fuck now’. This is the mind awaiting self-corrective direction and so I breathe in this moment and within myself there is an awareness of myself breathing as if I can reach out and touch the part of me that I am only now physically becoming aware of.

I sense within me a newness of myself that I have not yet known completely as well as a slight resistance as I move myself to a clearer understanding of myself within releasing all the dishonesty of self that I have accepted and allowed. I enjoy me more than I ever have and I am slowly obtaining a measure of self-trust that I have never considered for myself, much less accepted and allowed of myself. I am only now beginning to allow myself direction in self-honesty and truly forgiving myself of any thought, feeling and emotional patterns that I have held against myself for so long, and it is as if I am pushing myself forth from beyond a grave that I have dug for myself and it is extremely freeing.

Often it is difficult to describe this newness within me because it’s not like any ‘experience’ of me that I’ve ever had and often I want to share this part of myself but I realize this cannot be shared in the way I’ve ever shared myself, for this is from a place of quiet resolve deep within me. What is assisting me the most is writing because I have no way of knowing what I will write about, instead I allow the words to flow and see for myself who I am in this moment and how am I standing within the realization of myself within the equation of oneness and equality. I no longer see life as a flirting game but instead one to be cherished within myself and in the moments of seeing another as myself reflecting back to me. It’s rather an amazing process for self to see. I accept and allow this quiet place of surrender within myself in realizing that all life must be realized equal as self. To realize the parts of me that I have accepted and allowed as abuse and to stop the mind patterns that are destroying the very nature of who we are and to move myself to stand up within it all as one as equal. It’s why we’re here.

Self Abuse is Abusive to All Life

When I was growing up as a child I had many thoughts and feelings and emotions of me believing that I was being abused and withdrew within my mind lost in an inferiority construct in which I would silence myself and my participation in my world. I perceived that I was being unnoticed and unloved by my parents and often would act out to receive attention from them if only for a moment. Often I would get a spanking from my step-father for my actions and this I saw as further abuse because I knew that they did not know or it seemed they didn’t care to ask me what was really going on within me. When I began school my experiences of myself were similar to those of my parents and I always saw myself as a victim which I then in turn began to victimize others through my words and actions.

It’s all self-abuse that I have manifested forward to me now. It is me existing in survival mode wherein I allow and accept myself to remain locked in a memory construct. What I am realizing is happening is that I will have a flash of a memory of the ‘feeling’ and ’emotion’ of myself where I am ‘seeking’ approval from my parents and then I will allow a thought from my current moment to come together with the feeling and emotion inwhich appears as if the current moment ‘thought’ is causing the ‘feeling’ or ’emotion’ I’m having and I will stop the thought but the feeling/emotion within the real point of dishonesty will remain. Thus, I have not been able to completely stop the thought pattern because the specific point of self-abuse has went unnoticed, yet continues to bring forth ‘resonances’ of ‘energies’ within which I have stopped – though have not really moved myself beyond as my physical in walking these points through.

When for instance I am around many people and I am sharing about equality for all and an equal money system and I notice that they are not listening – I will then experience the same feeling/emotion that I experienced when I was younger around my parents in seeking their attention and within this mind construct the pattern of withdrawing myself will step forward as me. It is in this place of acceptance of self-abuse that I will stop. I allow myself to become silent within inferiority and self-judgment within a memory construct that I in this moment forgive myself of and I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a memory construct of myself as abused, unseen and unheard to remain a belief pattern of myself and I stand and direct me here equal and one to all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a past memory construct hold me into an application of myself within a survival mode of myself that has been one of self-abuse. I stop.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be abused and become the abuser instead of standing in self-honesty, self-trust and self-willed direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another through words and actions as well as thought patterns instead of stopping and directing myself within the principle of equality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be angry towards my parents within the understanding that they were presenting themself to me the way their parents presented themselves to them and the cycle of mind abuse patterns have continued as I have allowed them through my participation as them. I stop. I direct me here equal to all – in realizing we are all the same in fact and have cycled and cycled the same abuse over and over, so I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these same patterns with my parents to manifest within the relationship that I have with my son and I direct myself in seeing the equality we share in each other and I direct myself to walk through this pattern here in the physical breathing in self-honesty in knowing that in facing my past I am facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in love when in fact I realize the polarity of existence in that in order to love their must come hate of which I have seen as an example of those I believed that I loved, only for that love to turn to hate as the ‘energy’ of the relationship played out as proof to me that love is not real and can only exist with an outcome of hate. I stop the patterns of love and hate and I stand and direct me here as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have abused life instead of directing me equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the false insecurities of myself that my mind would have me believe and instead I direct me here breathing and applying myself in self-honesty only in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to abuse another in my mind of thoughts wherein I will justify my thought as being only a thought and not realizing the effect of abuse my participation in a thought pattern has on others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ‘feel’ important or ‘special’ instead of realizing that this is a point of insecurity within myself connected to a memory pattern of my mind that I accepted and allowed as me as a point of self-manipulation and distraction from me facing me. I Stop. I no longer accept or allow of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to depend and agree upon our current money system that justifies abuse wherein many starving to death and live in poverty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed and supported the current monetary system that does not support all life equally. I stand in support of an equal money system for all to live a life of equal opportunity and dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the creation of self-abuse to manifest as my world and I am grateful to my physical for it’s assistance in showing me all of what I have believed of the mind. I Stop. I forgive myself for this allowance and acceptance of myself.

The Tonality of Me

Regarding the video I made: Accepting A Free Burger From A Stranger Requires Self-Trust

The tonality of my voice speaking assisted me with the ‘lifestyle’ experiment that I participated in as a point of pushing myself where I saw resistance. My voice tonality and the words I speak are me and when I watched my recent video, I could hear the resistance in my tone in the way I was asking the question I was asking in the video to the people. It’s not surprising the responses I received- because the system commands that I was existing as were being received as they were given and accepted and allowed by me and as such came back to me in the appropriate system response.

Since my words are alive – yet were not aligned within the principle of equality, I was actually supporting the very system of fear I was attempting to stand within – as equal and one.
I was in fear of ‘imposing’ upon people an uncommon question. Mind Consciousness Systems do not like questions that are not happenings of the ordinary, which is why I pushed the point in myself. In the past I have been told that I often come across as ‘harsh’, or ‘demanding’ in my way of presenting myself and in the tone of my voice – so, this is a point in which I can see is a definite ‘personality’ design of my mind that I have accepted and allowed.

This life-style experiment with the burger verified within me how more self-forgiveness on this point is required. In presenting myself equal as life and giving myself permission to have no expectations or judgments of myself will assist me in stopping this preprogrammed design so I will effectively design myself equal and one to all in every breath.

Also, I noticed a hurry within myself when asking the people the question and this is because I was allowing self-judgment towards myself. It was cool though that I was aware of how my breathing became labored and it became more of an effort to remain in breath. Easy to see how in breathing effectively, I am equal as all, then, – in a blink of an eye I am no longer standing equally as life and this represents within me the ‘eye of the needle’ – wherein I’m existing within a type of enforcement policy of my minds entrapment schedule of going along according to my pre-planned design.

I’m not really afraid of people, and I don’t really distrust people – it’s me that I fear facing in every single moment, and it’s me that I have yet to fully trust. Another example of dishonesty existing as me and the tone of my dishonesty in voice is when I talk to my 2 1/2 month old grandaughter Emmeline, in that my tone goes high which indicates betrayal and dishonesty, and I am aware of the automation of myself within the ‘babytalk’. So it’s cool and very assisting to stop and apply self-forgiveness outloud in the exact moment of this automated ‘baby talk’ pattern because hearing myself speak the self-forgiveness in regards to the pattern adjusts my tonality and my words flow more effective as I establish self-correction of myself in self honestly and begin clearing the manifested point that I have accepted and allowed as an automation of myself – ‘mind consciousness system automation version’.

The tone of my voice is movement of me within my self awareness based on my starting point in every moment, and if my starting point is fear, then my tone will be accordingly specific – same as if my starting point is self interest then self interest in tonality is who I’ll be. I’m becoming more aware of my varying tones when I speak because they are not in accordance to me standing and representing my stance in support of equality for all. I will be moving myself and placing myself more effectively in the matrix on a daily basis so as to face different types of interactions so as to assist me to face me more clearly to see these patterns of myself in which to stop and apply self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have allowed the tonality of who I am within my acceptances and allowances according to a preprogrammed design of myself that I no longer accept as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose my stand within the common ground equal to all within every moment and to instead remain in ease of breath in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear appearing who I am becoming as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to decline my natural ablility within the equality equation to stand in self-honesty and in self-trust directing me here in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge myself of the very moment in which I am pushing a point because of the fear of looking or appearing stupid.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hurry through moments here as a way of avoiding facing myself within my fears.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be mind-controlled into believing certain behaviors are ‘normal’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to disregard or ignore various people in my life according to what someone has told me about them according to their judgments.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to sit by and watch the mistreatment of another so as to not appear ‘out of control’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge myself because in judging myself, I judge another because all that is here is me within what I have accepted and allowed. I no longer accept this as who I am in tonality. I stop – Till here no further

It is to stand within and as oneness and equality within all my words – to live the words I speak as me and in self-responsibility in self-honesty I apply self-corrective application in every moment.