The point of relationships and marriage and the effects this has on children is close to my heart today. I have lived this point of where the energies surrounding the reason for me beginning a relationship or getting married simply lost its appeal. It’s interesting looking at these energies that I participated in and is easy to see the points where the extinction of each began its decline.
In each relationship I’ve had there have always been personal gratification points that each provided for my ego and I walked these points as an accepted allowance of me. Not one of these relationships was built upon equality and there was always a point of betrayal and that betrayal always began with me betraying me within what I stood for and as. When I divorced my first husband of which I had two children with, it was only afterward that I was able to see the points of betrayal of self that I existed as within the entire marriage. During the divorce I barely gave my children part of me because I was already accepting and allowing myself to search for another within an energetic mind pattern of seeking someone outside of myself to match energies with in order to obtain a false sense of balance within myself. All the while existing in polarity to all that is here.
Children pay the price when we are existing within resonant patterns of ourself. We are teaching them the same patterns while we are allowing them of ourself. Only now am I beginning to realize how energetic outflows of what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in carry on through generations, and in order to stop this cycle I must stop myself. It’s clearer now that it doesn’t matter who one is with, the energies within which one begins a relationship with, will not and cannot sustain itself – and it does not matter who is involved, the outcome will always be the same.
The point of flirting with another for the sake of their attention now seems rather ironic to me because, in fact in my flirting with another I am simply locking energies that match an energetic outflow of myself that I have long ago accepted and allowed of myself. lol. It only makes sense that this energy cannot and will not last which proves to me that from the beginning what I thought was real, was not.
I often feel sorry for kids whose parents are struggling to stay together. It’s as if my heart aches for them and I’m seeing that my heart is really aching for myself within the beliefs that I have built as ideas with regards to what living and loving is.
In my current marriage of almost nineteen years we have both reached the point where there is very little if any ‘energetic’ outflows and this is in itself a point of challenge that we are both in self-honesty embracing and pushing through to bring ourself together equally as one. It’s rather insightful for self to see the points in another that is clearly points that I myself am holding onto within a misconception of myself that is not real. It is assisting to walk this life with another even in moments when it seems I cannot walk this another moment. Within this, I am grateful.
Fascinating the changes for self that self-honesty and self-forgiveness offers. We are merely reflections of each other stumbling through together all that we have accepted and allowed. It requires breathing and patience of each other and self. So I stop energetic charges that may rise up to take me away into the mind to a place that I have been and have seen for myself is not real.
I can honestly say that Desteni Universe has been my saving grace. It is the assistance they provide as tools for self to see clearly in common sense what self is accepting and allowing of self. If applied, the tools provide self with answers in order to awaken self from the slumber not noticed before and I’ve begun to see how I alone have created this existence I see myself as.
Self-forgiveness, self-honesty and breathing is key in stopping these patterns that consume us to such a point that we loose all sight of who we really are. We are all the same repeated patterns of ourself cycling around each other barely glancing within ourself to see how we are existing as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a relationship built entirely upon energetic resonant outflows.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire myself to have an experience of myself as falling in love again instead of realizing that falling in love is an energetic mind illusion and thus not real which is why love fails.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so involved in energetic pursuits of happiness that I failed in remaining equal to all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to yearn for the attention of another instead of realizing that the yearning is my physical reminding me to remain here with myself in self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I am beyond allowing the mind to possess me instead of realzing the secret mind will attempt to glorify itself and so I stop and breathe and direct myself equal to all here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take others for granted and have disregarded another for the sake of experiencing an energetic outflow within a pattern of my mind.
Till here no further. I direct myself as all as one as equal.