Archive | June 2012

Day 71: Forgiving my Tendon-Sees

I’ve been experiencing pain in the tendons of my left ankle and leg and have realized the pattern as living in the past as that of participating in/as thoughts and feelings where through comparison I’ve sought approval and attention, thus, I’m grateful for the assistance from my physical body which assisted me in seeing and facing what I was accepting and allowing. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the tendonSees of my past actions of myself in how I seek approval from others to validate me as the stress and tension I am actually existing as within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as fear to suppress my self-expression from beginning as a small child for the sake of receiving from others attention and approval.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as comparison to seek attention and approval for the sake of entertaining me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into feeling the need to be approved as if I’m a piece of merchandise about to be stocked for sale within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a seeker of attention which is nothing more than that which my mind approves of and for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as self-manipulation participated in thoughts that are only slightly updated from the ones I participated in when I was 5 years old and seeking attention and approval also.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as my tendencies to not see/realize and understand how all I’ve ever done is compete with me for approval and attention from me as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to not see/realize and understand how I’ve circled around and around the same patterns which are consistent with the same thoughts of desiring to receive attention – where only the pictures have changed/updated, but the programming of me as my mind is the same as it’s always been – where it never matters who or where I receive attention from, because it’s never enough, because it is Me I’m looking for as the attention I desire from me as me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to remain in polarity by dividing myself into compartments within myself – whereas I compare myself to others, Not seeing/realizing and understanding my TendonSees in how I’m only competing with myself as my mind as consciousness to receive myself as charged in/as energy in/as my own attention and approval.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to feel guilty for comparing myself to others within my attempt to seek approval and attention, not seeing/realizing and understanding that I’ve been walking a continuous mind construct of/as consciousness which I began when I was a child seeking approval and attention from my parents, how ultimately, there is Not enough approval and attention to fill what I am actually requiring to gift to myself, which is me in self-honesty, according to what’s best for all,.

I commit myself to purifying me as the word comparison and releasing me from competing within and as my mind as consciousness through self-corrective application in/as the directive principle of me as my mind according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as habitual tendencies/patterns to seek for attention and approval from others because I’ve not been willing to give to myself that which I seek to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as tendencies/patterns to Not see/realize and understand that when I become willing to give to myself that which I seek to receive is when I’ll be willing to give to All living beings freely that which All seek to receive, which is the ability of living a quality of life in loving self as life unconditionally, free from the restraints of and as our current world/money system.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of seeking approval and attention from outside myself, I stop.
I breathe in what I see/realize and understand in this moment – that I have fought this same point within my mind as consciousness long enough and I have proved to myself that I am only ever competing with myself within my mind as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and, that I have made the decision to Stop and Direct me according to what is real and what matters, which is supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all, where All living beings will be able to unconditionally receive the assistance required to support our physical body and our physical reality, thus, we’ll begin to explore ourselves and each other as real self-expressions as who we really are, together here as Life.

I commit myself to stop the Tendons- I-See of/as me as comparison and in/as seeking attention and approval and instead, I support me as the Tendons-of-me as my physical body in/as support within and as this physical reality, through Standing up and Supporting a way of Life where All living beings are provided for according to what’s best for All.

Day 70: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blogs:
Day 68: Absence of Self
Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify and manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality through trying to control events and/or people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, and/or domination in fear of letting people see who I really am, and/or fear of letting events occur naturally due to fear of change and thus would get frustrated and angry if I ‘felt’ controlled by events and/or others, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist change as if it were a contagion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to use denial as a way of ignoring problems and pretending they don’t exist – where I pretended things aren’t so bad and would tell myself that things will get better, even though I clearly see how for example, our current money/world system is Not and Will Not improve, except for the already rich – yet I denied seeing the abuse that exists because to see requires me to change me.
Thus I commit to take Self-responsibility and to see/realize, understand that the only Solution for our World is that of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to attempt to keep myself busy to stay in denial and try to avoid thinking about how fucked up our world is, wherein, I’ve actually made myself sick and depressed through my participation in and as backchat/thoughts in worry and struggling within our current money/debt system, and even suppressing myself at one point into being a workaholic.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to rarely ‘feel’ happy or content with myself thus I’ve always looked to others to supply me with happiness and have even felt threatened by the loss of something and/or anyone that has provided me with happiness and thus fearing the loss of existing within the polarity construct of happy/sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to leave a reasonably healthy situation/job/relationship by lying to myself that it was an unhealthy situation/job/relationship, thus, for most of my life have literally Ran From Myself from one situation/job/relationship to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have never really loved myself thus it makes sense that I didn’t feel loved by my parents because my perception of them has always been based upon how I was experiencing myself within myself according to my mind as consciousness, wherein I always equated love with pain, and believed others have never really been there for me, when in fact, I see/realize and understand that I’ve only ever been here for myself in fear – instead of in self-honesty – therefore, love as I’ve/We’ve lived it has never been a real expression of love – thus, proof that love isn’t real is able to be seen within the amount of suffering within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to in my mind as backchat/thoughts have believed that others don’t mean what they say and don’t say what they mean because this is how I’ve lived my life as inferiority in fear of facing myself in self-honesty, self-intimacy and taking responsibility for how our world exists within what is here according to what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have lived my life within my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, anxieties and fears, where my experiences of myself were energetic, irrational, self-centered and egotistical, never considering my physical body and/or this physical reality, nor the Mess-age we’re existing in, as a ‘I don’t give a fuck about anyone but me frame of mind‘, while thousands of children suffer and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to go into defense mode when another’s perspective is in conflict to my perspective, thus in fear I defend what is actually a point within me of fearing being vulnerable, because I fear being wrong and/or fear shame, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define vulnerability and intimacy as something outside of myself through believing that if I’m open towards another then I’m being intimate and/or vulnerable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to Not fully comprehend that vulnerability is not really about being open because vulnerability is actually that which is hidden.

When and as I see myself going into a pattern of/as a codependent personality I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow myself to stop what and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be as a codependent personality and I direct myself in self-honesty through self-corrective application according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to keep it simple within this moment of breath, and, to redesign and align who I am as a resonance design of/as a codependent personality to be that according to what’s best for all life.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding/comprehending and purifying who I am in/as vulnerability as that to being open with myself and with another as myself walking the physicality of Equality.

Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blog: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality wherein I blame myself for everything, therefore Never actually taking Self-Responsibility for how our World exists, because of picking on myself as not being intelligent enough, pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough, Never Good enough, however, if another criticizes me, then I get defensive, angry and self-righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality where if someone gives me a compliment and/or praise, I tend to reject it even though I tend to get depressed from lack of compliments and praise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to often feel ‘different’ from the rest of the world and within that point of Separation, I Reject Myself, all the while Fearing Rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to take things personally because in my secret mind, I secretly enjoy being the victim, however in/as fear/guilt and shame, I have denied this understanding about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to be the victim in relationships of physical and emotional abuse, Not seeing/realizing and understanding, how I am in fact solely responsible for All experiences of myself, because the fear/abuse began first within my mind as being/believing myself as the victim, in thinking my life in not worth living, thus wallowing around in my own self/PITy/abusive and self-interested nature.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to participate in thoughts/backchat of how I ‘should have done this or I should have done that’, existing in mind/constructs/patterns where it ‘feels’ like I ‘should’ myself to death, all the while asking ‘why me’, when inside myself in self-honesty, I know why, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be trying to prove to others that I am good enough and ‘special’ enough to be deserving of that which I fear giving myself in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to feel the need for someone’s attention and/or something in my life to complete me thus making me ‘feel’ special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to follow the path of pleasing others in order to fit in and so that people will acknowledge that I’m special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to always want to follow the path of going against the grain and being different to reach for the feeling of being more superior and better than others, thus assisting myself to feel special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to constantly sabotage my process by/through chasing after feelings of being special, Not seeing/realizing and understanding that it is my own self-intimacy/love and self-acknowledgment I’m chasing after/for in my chase for to be special.

I commit myself to STOP going against myself as I walk this process of self-forgiveness of/as standing in and as self-honesty – through chasing after feelings to be special.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that how I experience myself has nothing to do with anyone but myself and that who I am is here for me to no longer miss existing in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to Not miss me in/as breath, thus to face all of me within all that is here through forgiving me in self-honesty in order to support a world according to what’s best for all in all ways.

Day 68: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality where I accept responsibility for how I perceive other people are ‘feeling’ and thus become anxious and even guilty when another has a problem, thus I will ‘feel’ compelled to help them ‘feel’ better about themselves or their situation by attempting to solve their problem, and within that not seeing/realizing and understanding that in/as that I’m actually Not taking self-responsibility for me according to what’s best for all.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to comprehend that when and as I am existing in/as a codependent personality, it is actually an absence of self and thus an absence of awareness of self as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a codependent personality act like a caretaker especially to/for my children and/or immediate family where I swoop in and act like I’m superwoman where I try and ‘fix’ everything when within my secret mind I have backchat to/towards them as not being responsible for their own lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to secretly anticipate another’s needs and yet feel angry when my help is not effective or rebuffed and at the same time feel slighted when others can’t and/or won’t assist me when I require assistance, and within that I forgive myself for constantly doing way to much for others and then when I don’t get any help offered to me I become angry where even when asked what is wrong or what do I need, I will respond, ‘Nothing’, thus, I see/realize and understand that I am in fact my own worst enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to minimize my own self worth by existing in/as greed and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand how reaching out to ‘save’ another has been my way of avoiding/fearing reaching inward and getting to know me in self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that codependency is habitual behaviors based upon participating in and as fear according to thoughts, feelings and emotions and are ultimately self-interest motivated and self-destructive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that I have actually created a dependency on being special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a codependent by/as feeling like I’m special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as the definition of a codependent allowed myself to behave like a vampire through the application of the need to feel special because ‘when I am special’ someone else is thus ‘only ordinary’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as fear to Not see/realize and understand that I’m only ever seeing myself within others, and I realize how far away I actually am from self awareness and how much of a system I really am and that others are merely reflecting me back to me – thus, how I perceive others, actually has nothing to do at all with them.

I commit myself to stop how I have created this separation within me.

I commit myself to a self-honest agreement with myself as awareness of myself here as breath as that’s the only way for me to have an actual self-honest agreement with others as myself.

Day 67: Energetic HangOver

Reference below refers to the following Blogs:
Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP
Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

The past two days having accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself from one polarity to the next – seesawing from negative to positive energetic outflows, so much so that today, I experienced myself where within my physical body are degrees of feeling UP, then feeling Down – similar to how one experiences themself after to much alcohol or drugs where one experiences a ‘Hangover’- which is the result of how/what I accepted and allowed within and as energetic highs/reactions from participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as reacting to a physical expression given in my direction from my partner – all of which I am completely responsible for. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become physical chemical reactions as energy derived from participating in and as thoughts of hope and in/as stress within polarities of inferiority/superiority whereas the affects of/as existing as such manifest within my physical body as physical symptoms of feeling hung over/exhausted/abused/dying on the inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to Not see/realize and understand that any reaction experience to/towards anything or anyone within existence indicates separation within a limited definition of myself Veiled in and as the mind as consciousness where I am the SUBJECT of my own Mind Control in/ as a superiority and inferiority game of my own design which subsequently is abusive to/as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy to submit myself in/as emotions of/as superiority in my purSUIT to live thrills of/as a type of adrenaline junkie tripped out in experiences of power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as energy to Not fully grasp how damaging the act of existing in/as superiority to/towards others really is upon my physical body, nor have I comprehended the fact that I can never actually fill up the voidness feeling within myself through acts as such because self-interest and greed IS the cause of the desire to fill myself up in the first place due to a lack of intimacy within and as self within living a lie within and as a World of Inequality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within and as energetic polarities to participate within the act of measuring myself as more than or less than in comparison to other living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to function on behalf of my beingness wherein the past couple of days I’ve teetered to and from negative and positive energetic lows and highs as inferiority/superiority while dragging my partner alongside riding the outflows of/as my reactions to/toward him, wherein my self-interest has known no bounds and more than likely manifested more injustice within our physical reality considering how I’ve raised havoc within and as my physical body in/as manifesting pain in my neck and shoulders feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the my own self-dishonesty upon my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energetic polarities of/as inferiority/superiority to function in and as my relationships based upon past, present and future projections of myself, thus, I forgive myself that I’ve Not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for my past to be present through and as future projections of myself, thus I see/realize and understand that I alone as a Mind Consciousness system have been stringing myself along, layering, storing and manifesting dimensions of myself as energy from and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memory participation and in/as energetic polarity experiences of myself – thus, I must walk the physical consequences of my own manipulation which accumulates as outflows of stress upon/within and as me as my physical body as well as my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy as superiority to judge my partner according to my past, present and/or my future projections of myself within an idea of how I have previously experienced myself and/or how I hope to experience myself again, thus Not realizing that through and as my own self-imposed beliefs according to how I desire to obtain myself as within an experience, I will thus become irritated and blame my partner when my experience of myself doesn’t reach the all encompassing energetic charge as I had ‘Hoped’ and expected it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself in/as energy for the sake of acheiving myself in and as a superiority/high for the sake of taking a winning position in and as my own self-interested agenda so I could feel better about myself for surviving another day within our current capitalistic money/world system, that I honestly don’t see as changing anytime soon, and within that, I forgive myself for how I use energy as an escape for Not facing, forgiving and directing myself as the directive principle in order to bring about an actual change within self thus the ability to be the support required in order to bring about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the part of me who as a child asked my mom why was she so sad and when she replied, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’, and I saw for a moment in common sense as I walked away how that didn’t make sense and I wasn’t gping to live my life that way, Not realizing then that what I was witness to was the negative end of the polarity pole as energy in/as feelings as a human being as a Mind Consciousness system enslaved to a world/money system of which we are quite capable of stopping and redesigning according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that enforces polarity games through Capitalism and Profit and offers No actual support for our physical body as life by way of guaranteed food/nourishment, housing, clean water, clothes, healthcare and education for everybody, so that life is able to be Expressed instead of stressed and depressed.

I commit myself to stop my mind as energetic polarities of superiority/inferiority, positive/negative, happy/sad, right/wrong, and good/bad, and to see/realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to remain self-responsible for the actions of myself as breath in awareness according to what’s best for all – there will never be a reason for feelings of stress, shame and/or pain associated with profit and gain.

I commit myself to show myself through writing and self-forgiveness that energy and substance as who I am can be directed to contribute to this world and the lives of all of humanity for an equal and one life for all.

I commit myself to be an example in proving that the only way to fully bring polarized versions of ourselves to an end is to support an Equal Money System whereas All living beings are fully supported according to what’s best for All, thus, allowing the nature of who we really are to begin to step forth in Self-Honesty.

Please READ the following Blogs!
The History of Superiority and Inferiority: DAY 69

Day 20: Superiority and Inferiority game

“Unless the past pass over — you will pass over before the past is over” ~ Bernard Poolman
Day 56: The Past is Over

Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

Today I reacted to my partner in anger because of his facial expression when he looked at me which I took as an expression of dislike and/or dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anger.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that today when I reacted in anger towards my partner, I was existing within inferiority and insecurity according to a belief about myself that I accepted and allowed when I was a child where when my father became irritated at me, I took his facial expression as a sign of not being loved and/or wanted, thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized or understood that the anger I’ve existed as is a mind construct born infear within and as an ongoing pattern which I accepted and allowed to be triggered through my eyes upon seeing certain physical expressions of others associated with pictures in my mind from/as memories from my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as anger manipulate my partner according to past patterns of when we were first together whereas through words in how we argued I would keep going on and on until he would eventually apologize even if he didn’t really see how or why he was apologizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as anger to justify using spiteful words and raising my voice because I know that in doing so it will cause my partner to ‘shut down’, which I see/realize and understand now is how me as my mind gets off within a point of superiority thus, me in/as anger, I teeter back and forth between polarities of inferiority and superiority justifying and manipulating my way to scoring a win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as anger not realize that to be the abused and the abuser is so because one doesn’t exist without the other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger to be/become possessed inspite of the energetic charge having affects upon myself and my partner causing stress upon our physical bodies, wherein I experienced feeling as if my face felt draggy and my body felt heavy like being dragged through quick sand, and within that I see/realize and understand how accumulating anger in/as self initializes stAGES of aging through and as the abuse we project/manifest onto others and ourselves as our physical body where humans are the AGE of looking like who/how and what we’re living deMANds of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I was not really angry at my partner, that I was actually angry at myself because I was participating within feeling disappointed in myself – wherein I was judging my process as not being effective and as anger was me reflecting my own inner inferiorities towards myself using anger as an energy to try and hide from myself by through projecting superiority, in order to receive validation to make myself feel better inside myself and, when my inner hunger for self intimacy wasn’t satisfied, I lashed out again at my partner in verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as anger to take advantage of my partner whose nature is to please, thus in/as anger I am enforcing and enabling him to remain within patterns he is forgiving and directing through self-corrective application thus, in/as anger, toward him, I am saboteur.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in/as anger infear to/towards my partner and/or anyone and/or anything for that matter, I Stop. I Breathe. I realize that the pattern of/as me as anger serves only as abuse, and in self-honesty, I see/realize and understand that that is unacceptable and I am no longer willing to exist as such.

I commit myself to releasing through self-forgiveness who I am as anger and through self-corrective application as I walk the path of self-honesty with/as my partner in agreement standing in support of a world according to what’s best of all.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness and walking the Desteni I Process we are able to redefine relationships to one which will stand equally together in agreement, and as a group supporting that which supports all life according to what’s best for all.

Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP

Almost 2 months ago I had an ‘idea’ to test my application and stop by a casino after 2 years of not gambling. The ‘idea’ was to see if I was able to walk into a casino and walk out having only spent a predetermined amount of money. My ‘idea’ was coming from a dishonest starting point of curiosity and according to past experiences as picture presentations within my mind as them – thus I spent 3 times the amount of money that I had planned, and once again I had fallen into an energetic money pit. I see/realize and understand that from the beginning, I’ve not walked this point through from the starting point of self-honesty, thus it’s not surprising I’ve time-looped. Now, today, and earlier in the week I’ve had two occasions where I was driving alone with money in hand, and have been walking the same point of energetic thoughts to gamble. Hence, the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use gambling as an incessant diversion to draw off attention from the starting point of existing within hope, where just like in religion I secretly hoped to receive a miracle so to speak so that my life can be easier by winning a jackpot, though, ultimately keeping myself trapped in cycles of a religious construct which offers a thrill to the ride in but will aLIEnate who one is, killing life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time-loop this point due to the nature of myself as being in a hurry to rid myself of the point – where inrushing I failed to see the nature of my starting point according to the individual energetic high within each of a string of assorted energetic/manipulating addictive behaviours that I’ve existed as, thus not fully comprehending the point within each, thus my ineffectiveness due to separation and lack of specificity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist where I have absolutely never known myself free from existing in some sort of energetic experience, so much so, that to consider Not ever having an energetic experience again, scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to experiencing myself in and as ‘ideas’ of energy where throughout my life I have accumulated myself as a variety of ideas/addictive behaviours where I’ve bounced to and from and back and forth as them depending upon accessibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never actually see myself as I did today, where I realized that within my life-line therein lies the truth and/or the consequences of me, where every thought I participate in as every word I speak is a move I make toward who/how I determine my next physical movement within my reality and that to Not understand that I am responsible for and as everything and everyone here is to be existing in nothing more than the nature of and as my own preprogrammed mind as consciousness slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I have always been the moving force of me as the piece in what I’ve always seen as a game of chasing myself rather than being here as myself, thus today, when and as I first played with/participated within the notion of gambling, I for a moment lost sight of the goal of consciousness which is to always achieve an Energetic High to continue the fueling of us as mind consciousness systems, which is exactly what is killing me as my physical body as well as the leading cause of depleting our physical reality – which is Not a game – in and as consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to experience the smell of walking into the casino as that of freshly smoked cigarettes and hearing the sound of the slot machines as I would sit and continually feed money into slot machines mindlessly entertained within a hypnotic state of mind as nothing more than how a computer acts during a scheduled upgrade.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO the fact that when I loose money gambling I create stress within my physical body which further accelerates the aging process as well as creates dis-ease within the cells of my flesh and internal organs thus, stress being an act of self-abuse upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the fiend addicted to some pernicious habit in order to achieve an experience of myself to provide energy to fuel the mind as consciousness so much so that I saw how I was able to stop the demanding urge and downright tantrum/possession within and as my mind, just like giving candy to a baby because today, the moment I allowed myself to buy myself a single serving of chocolate pie, immediately, the urge to gamble stopped, because I gave my mind something to recharge it – sugar – the poison I saw as the least damaging for my physical body within that particular moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the beginning not fully grasp the Desteni material because I didn’t really believe that we’re a pre-programmed mind consciousness systems, only now, as I was taking a simple trip to town to check our mail at the local post office, I saw who I really am within the struggle of inner urges to gamble in my quest to obtain some sort of energy to fuel my mind as consciousness – thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever doubt what I’ve proved to/for myself – that not only are we pre-programmed as consciousness, but that we are led around by our nose according to energetic symbols and impulses as bait/trigger points, which we use and abuse to recharge ourselves as our mind using what we refer to as money, sex, spirituality, sugar, greed and games in and as competition/conflict and survival.

I commit myself to, through self-forgiveness stop who I am as an energetic vampire and to show myself who I am free from the greed of energy and money which is exactly what keeps the world turning as the abuse we see manifested here as hell on earth.

I commit myself to stop how I forEGO life itself when I value energetic experiences over supporting life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how Self-forgiveness will assist to support Self-in-honesty so self can actually see that it IS possible to stop what and who we’ve become as a mind consciousness system thus then gift self the ability to support an Equal Money system creating Heaven on Earth for All.


Please Read Earth’s Journey to Life with regards to ‘The emergence of ideas’:
Day 33: Emergence of Ideas
Day 34: Emergence of Ideas Self Forgiveness Statements
Day 35: Emergence of Ideas Self Forgiveness Statements Continued

Day 36: Emergence of Ideas Self Commitment Statements

Day 64: Childhood Leg-I-see as Desire: Head of the Class

Today I was reacquainted through the internet with someone from my past that I’ve known since I was seven when I first started elementary school. Triggered within me were memories/ legacies of me as my past that I’ve continued to hand down as walking actions of myself which I’ve maintained since the beginning of me as manifested patterns of self-abuse, within a mindset that I can see I still exist as, hence, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry in/as my legs as I’ve walked the path of/as the illusion of family values, where I’ve carried the weight of my past through/as the DNA of my mother and father and the ideas they existed as and believed in as the beautiful lie they told themselves in order to make it through the daily struggle within the survival system of/as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living example of desire crossed in loneliness, where I wanted to be noticed and stand out and I didn’t really care what I had to do in order to achieve the energetic high of existing as the desired experience of/as my mind as being ‘special’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the belief that to be loved is to be accepted and to be accepted is to be loved and within that I’ve sought self-validation and self-acceptance outside myself from others through experiences I’ve manifested of/for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within my secret mind desire to grow up and be ‘better than’ my parents as a way of ‘getting back at them’ for that which I felt they were keeping from me, which within my mind, I believed it was the experience of ‘real love‘ that they were withholding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself within the starting point of desire where from when I first started school, all I wanted was to be ‘head of the class – the ‘special one’, the one that the teacher would see as the Best and ‘the ONE’ in which to follow in the footsteps of, thus, when I saw my teacher’s attention focus on someone else I became suppressed within myself in disappointment, disgust, anger and frustration because I depended upon the positive energetic charge I got when I received attention, because as all children I reLIEd upon and depended on the love and devotion received from immediate family, and, I directed mine towards authority figures within my life, because I sensed myself as void of that within my family, thus, I focused all my desires to/toward my teachers as the substitute fuel to somehow achieve that which I ‘felt’ denied of from my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize how even now I exist the same toward people I’ve deemed as special, and even as I write this I feel constriction as an inward pressure/pain and tightness within my chest area representing the point of devotion to family, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect who and how I’ve existed as within a point of FAMe wherein I desired to be INFAMOUSly regarded as the person to favor whether through inside or outside my immediate FAME-I-Lie.

I forgive myself that in my beLIEved manner of self-notoriety, I secretly existed in shame within my secret mind, NOT seeing, realizing and understanding that what I do in my mind has a consequence to everything and everyone within this reality and as such I created an alternate reality inside myself that manifested on the outside within my physical world as a negative experience wherein I was bullied and made fun of by the kids in my class which further perpetuated my already self made mind possession and sent me into an extremely isolated existence of myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how when I didn’t perceive myself as ‘fitting’ into my immediate family system as becoming the slave of my parents – even though I actually was – and how I in-advertently used what I experienced as a ‘lack of’ attention from my parents and imposed it upon those within my world that I saw as having authority and thus would then seek from them the teaching/knowledge/guidance as a way of seeking self-approval and self-validation as well as seeking to support and please others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a child to be caught within the polarity of good and bad and right and wrong to such a degree that I feared and suppressed any ability to actually express myself free from the opinions I was constantly forming within my mind with regards to who I would be and become according to how I felt I was obligated to act and behave as in ways which would be acceptable and approved according to the rules of my family, society and the world/money/survival system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my parents unconditionally while inside myself at the same time feeling and directing hate to/towards them – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that is not my fault nor my parents fault for how I experienced myself because my parents experienced themselves exactly the same as I did because we’ve not yet as a family/society utilized the tools now available through Desteni I Process as being the practical supportive tools for family and life to actually stand up from within the abuse we’ve accepted and allowed from generation to generation as the sins of the fathers – to direct ourselves according to what’s best for All whereby life as we’ve known of/as ourselves will begin to change and we’ll welcome who we are as individual self-expressions.

I commit myself to forgive my way clear to no longer accept myself to separate myself through self-judgment where I create and manifest desires within myself thus manifesting and creating the same within my outer world as this physical reality, which I take self-responsibility for in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 63: Radical Relationship: Authority as a desired experience for/as Money

This blog is a continuation to: Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that within my relationship/marriage, I have attempted to acheive a personal perception of authority over my partner wherein I play out patterns of polarity and shift between negative and positve energetic experiences of/for myself – which, whether I realized it at the time or not – have always been within the context of money/energy to gain power/control and authority within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I’ve maintained my relationship through polarity shifts of energy between positive and negative money experiences, where for example through gambling, I acted as having ‘the authority’ within our relationship to gamble away money as I sought for a positive experience in justifying that I have ‘proved myself’ as worthy of having the role of authority through winning, and, when I didn’t win, I used what was then a negative experience of myself to my advantage, creating yet again another perception within my mind first as having ‘a position’ of authority, thus was able to manipulate my partner to ‘feel sorry’ for me, thus forgiving me for gambling/wasting ‘his’ hard earned money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as ‘his money’, ‘my money, and/or ‘our money’, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the ruler in determining which side of the coin I’m on within the game of polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully comprehend how I’ve defined money within my relationship/marriage as a powersource which stimulates conflict between us according to how much of it we have or don’t have, thus, money, according to how we’ve accepted and allowed it, is the root cause and symbolizes the conflicts throughout the story of our relationship/marriage.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I’ve used gambling/money for survival like a vampire uses blood and within that I’ve not considered the point of what’s best for all when deciding to gamble as I was only out to have an experience of/for myself where I became the addict and my drug of choice was money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a weapon against my partner wherein I have sabotaged our relationship over and over through my spending habits and financial values all of which have existed in self-interest and greed and the need for speed/energetic money experience.

I commit myself to walking equal and one with my partner in assisting and supporting one another to show that together walking self-forgiveness and through Desteni I Process, we can and will together stand in support of an Equal Money system – to stop relationships based in and as money and dishonesty – and instead begin living agreements together in/as self-honesty and self-expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how money has become an experience for me so much so that I’ve neglected to actually fully comprehend how MONEY is THE SOURCE, The God of this existence which determines who eats/lives and/or who starves/dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine that ‘I have the right’ to spend money the way I want to because in/as ego I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind as consciousness where my perception is that of pre-programming in the design of ‘I am right and you are wrong’ syndrome/resonant mind pattern, and as that, I’m unable to direct myself to see what is here in common sense within the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself existing within a possession of ego, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the pattern of abuse in and as money is as old as time and that to stop myself looping in time requires self-corrective application of breathing through any and all desires to have an experience of myself which I see/realize and understand is always able to be traced back to being about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ultimate money-loving consumer supporting the manifested creation of what is here, as HELL on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the true epitome of and as money, wherein I have used/abused, spent and consumed my way through life taking for granted all the things that ‘money’ will buy, all the while pretending as if I cared about those who have no money for food, clean water, clothes, a home, an education and healthcare, and, the fact is, if I truly cared, my spending habits will reflect who I am based upon the Decision to Support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose how our current money system is the MONEY Pit in Time as an embodiment of pre-programming as mind consciousness systems, and that in order to release ourselves from/as/how and what we’ve accumulated ourselves within and as, as the abuse which is more than apparent within our current world/money system, will require an Equal Money system which will honour and support ALL living beings according to what’s best for ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek authority over my partner and/or anyone within this world, as I see/realize and understand that polarity exists within authority which can only exist within inferiority and/or superiority, both being opposite ends within deadly games of competition/greed as the Tug of WAR.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and remain aware of myself here, to see myself within clarity to be the Self-directive principle of me – thus I stop desires and urges for energetic money experiences – I educate myself further in how our current world/money system functions so as to better assist and support the Equal Money system in creating a world that guarantees every child born unto this world has absolutely everything required for living life as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for ALL.

I commit myself to show how the number of children growing up in a single parent household is rising and that one out of every three children will be raised by a single parent, thus in common sense, it is easy to determine that in order to stop child neglect/abuse/poverty and starvation we require a system that supports every child born on Earth from Birth til Death, and that that system is an Equal Money System.

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 22: Authority game
Day 23: Self Commitment statements

Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2
Day 68: Relationship Dynamics – Part 3

Also, Download the following awesome interviews @ Eqafe:
Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship
The Money Experience
MoneyEnergy in the Mirror

“BREATH will carry you through the onslaught. Self-honesty will make sure you accumulate self-integrity; self-forgiveness will make sure you do not fall into the trap of feelings. Common-sense with the equality equation will make sure you question the relationships of things to the point where you understand how it was created and how you can recreate it in a way that is best for all.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.”~ Carl Jung

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with my partner when he made a joke at the cashier at the local grocery store because I saw him as trying to please and/or make her ‘smile’ and ‘be happy’ and within that I noticed how I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my flesh as if I wanted to wiggle loose from my physical body from the suddenly threatening ‘feeling’ I saw myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that that which I see as irritating within another is a point of reaction within myself meaning that I am existing as the very point I see in another as irritating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being irritated when that was not the actual point at all but within my accepting myself as irritation I actually became irritated and missed the point of seeing myself for who and How I was actually existing in and as which was infear – inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘threatened’ by other women who I see/judge as younger/prettier within fearing that they may enter into a relationship/agreement with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react inspite and backchat to/towards those who I see myself as infear of/inferior to according to the direction of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a people pleaser where I seek to validate others to make them smile and/or make them happy within the starting point of seeking validation for who I am and thus what I ‘thought’ I saw in my partner was actually only a reflection of my need to please.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the presence of another can have lasting affects on me, as me becoming either worse off or better off for having known them within the point where I’ve believed I was having a ‘spiritual experience’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within my marriage/relationship I have cloaked myself in deception so much so that I took pride in positioning myself to look and act better when I’m around people who appear to have money as opposed to people who appear to have very little to no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing as the ego in believing myself as being better than is existing within two points of polarity of/as good/bad and positive/negative and within that, I see how existing as such is actually manifesting actual crimes against life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that existing in polarity manifests acts of greed such as consumption/consumerism and is what keeps our current world/money system turning life into cycles of death.

DownLoad: Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my partner to still see me as pretty, and to desire me as he did when we first met, and the fact is, I realize that who I am as my physical body on the outside doesn’t ‘seem’ to match who I am on the inside, and that scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see aging as a bitter enemy because aging is confusing when on the outside the physical body changes but on the inside I still ‘feel young’, thus, the point I am seeing, in that, ‘feeling’ is Not, and has never been what defines one as actually ‘Living Life‘, because life cannot and will not ever be measured by/as experiences in/as feelings and emotions as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a ‘feeling of well being‘ and to actually believe that that is what living life is.

I commit myself to stop myself from experiencing life in feelings of threat, infear of losing that which isn’t mine to begin with because life is not meant to be had, to be kept, to be owned or lived in CONsuming, because life is meant to be Heaven on Earth for all living beings, Living Life according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show that love is a fallacy = A fall-in-humanity-see…

I commit myself to show that: “Love can only truly exist within the context of the physical in terms of right action and wrong action in terms of what is best for all and what actual Equality is.” ~Bernard Poolman

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 65: The Glamour of Enlightenment
Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2