Archive | March 2013

Day 213: How is the Crook Not a Crook and Who is Not a Liar?

For Context READ: Remembering who they were

“Pharmaceutical company spending on marketing far exceeds that spent on research. In Canada, $1.7 billion was spent in 2004 to market drugs to physicians; in the United States, $21 billion was spent in 2002. In 2005 money spent on pharmaceutical marketing in the US was estimated at $29.9 billion with one estimate as high as $57 billion. When the US numbers are broken down, 56% was free samples, 25% was detailing of physicians, 12.5% was direct to user advertising, 4% on hospital detailing, and 2% on journal ads.” Pharmaceutical Marketing

Artwork By Matti Freeman

Love is the Light that Hypnotize, Blind to the Fear that Paralyze

Problem:

When the Majority of us support the Pharmaceutical Corporations who Manipulate us regularily through  advertisements such as is presented in the above linkThen, How is the Crook Not a Crook and Who is Not a Liar?

When Pictures are used to trigger memories within the Alzheimer patient, where long term memories are triggered through using pictures/ideas and the imagination of when they were young – which is applicable because an Alzheimer patient experiences loss of short term memory, thus,,

How criminal is it when the manipulation is made to feel good, where Alzheimer’s, a crippling manifested systematic illness of/as our Mind as Consciosness – is made into the illusion of a beautiful thing?   Where one becomes driven – for the sake of Money, to ask our loved one’s Doctor to prescribe the exciting new drug that promises to moderate and control the Alzheimer patient so then they won’t be a bother to anyone anymore…

Come On!  There is No cure. No miracle drug for how Dumb one have to be to accept and allow the insanity of our current world/money system to continue as it is,  where the Corporation control us and we accept it, because we’re preprogrammed to accept it, and yet, we don’t have to continue this way!

We have got to question how much money is being spent through television, movies, advertising programs, news programs and political campaigns, etc.  Question what amount of Money does it take to guarantee our individual and continued participation in order to further support the Major Corporation?  Connect the dots, do the math.

See how All relationships are profit driven by Corporations who Control how Life is experienced by the Majority of us who still refuse to acknowledge the fact that we’re in some serious trouble here on Earth.

Solution:

To Stop Supporting the Corporation isn’t so easy.  The Solution begins when we begin to invidually and together as a Groupquestion the systems that are currently in place within Our World, because every one of them are Profit Driven.  Question why and how it is that no one moves themself without first being motivated from within as their mind through money, profit and greed…

Investing in the Practical Solution of an Equal Money System,  where everyone will be given the support and the opportunity to learn how to correct their symptom-driven, thought and feeling/emotional functioning process – to one where we are able to Stop the dehabilitating functions of and as our mind/physical relationship, and Begin to Create Life according to what’s Best for All.

Join for Free:  Desteni I Process Lite – Learn Practical Life Skills Online

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to realize that with the irrationality of human nature accepted as incurable, and with scientists being unable to identify with certainty what caused the mental disorders of irrationality, I fail to see that by implication the mental health professionals is subject to the same disease and are not experts to which we can subject ourselves with trust.” Bernard Poolman @ Day 17: The Trap of Dementia, Part 1

Reward:

Heaven on Earth

“I commit myself to challenge the accepted research through presenting common sense solutions that will lead to a mentally healthy society.

I commit myself to show that when the starting point is life equally respected in each other, the fundamental premise to give so that you may receive is immediately grasped to such an extent that irrational fear evaporates.

I commit myself to the re-education of the family to be the foundation of mental health of every child being born by demonstrating to parents that parental irrational fears based on love, cause the greatest destruction in producing mentally unstable adults.” Bernard Poolman @ Day 17: The Trap of Dementia, Part 1

Day 212: The Law that Direct Equality

Artwork By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
equal money ends slavery

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Excerpt From: Day 341: “I am an Entrepreneur”

“With Equality, The Law that Direct Equality – is an Individual Interaction with Each One, Individually Protecting Each One and with Equal Money – Individually Provide for Each One Sufficiently. With Equality, You Do Not have to Compete to ‘Get to the Top’, which means that: ‘Only the Winner Gets All and the Rest Are Losers’ as it now exists within the Current System. So, Most People are Losers, but Nobody wants to Hear it, because apparently: ‘You’re not a Loser if you have a ‘Positive Attitude’. ‘If You can ‘Think Positively’ then, apparently: ‘you’re Not a Loser’’. But, if You Look at the System, Predictably, as it Exist now: What is Certain? It is 99% Certain that You Will be a Loser, that you will Always be one and that You will Never Get to the 1%.
So, instead of having a ‘100% System’ which is Best For All – you want to Live in a 1% System, where it’s 99% Certain that You will Be and Will Remain a Slave, so will Your Children. ‘The Few’ that Live in Protected little Suburbs with Lots of Money, Big Cars and Beautiful Holiday Packages (and there are Few that Live like that): Those Few are What You Have to Respect and Try and ‘Emulate’…Isn’t there something ‘Mistaken’ with such Reasoning?

Is the ‘Entrepreneurial Spirit’ Really such a ‘Big Thing’? Isn’t the Entrepreneurial Spirit those that come up with Solutions that is Best for All Life?  

The Real Entrepreneurs of this World are Those of the Equal Money System, those of Destonian Integrity – that is a Level of Integrity. The word ‘Destonian’ is simply Describing People that Work for a Destiny that is Best for All Life and therefore, They Have the Integrity that Consider All Other Life Equally to their Own Life. Not being called a Destonian would be a Problem isn’t it? Because, a Destonian is a Word to be Proud of, a Destonian is a Person with Integrity, Somebody that Actually Care with Compassion and Empathy, someone that Understand the Living Word of Love, of Decency.Bernard Poolman @Creation’s Journey to Life

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Day 211: Processing…

For Context Read: Day 209: ‘The Lump’ Sum of ‘What If’s’

So in a couple of days, I will be having a biopsy taken from an area where I found a lump in my breast. And, so I realize that I really need to investigate and share in writing what’s been going on within me, to document how my mind has been ‘processing’ the new information/ situation that I’m currently walking.,,,

,,,I’m going to stop right here for a moment to ‘acKnowledge’ and Stop the reaction I became aware of as I finished writing that paragraph. The reaction was to immediately stop sharing what I was writing.  I’m familiar with this pattern, and I am committed to continue sharing this point and Direct myself from Reactive Responses to Self RESPONSE-ability.

 Please hear: From Reactive Responses to Self RESPONSE-ability – Part Three: DAY 334 for further Clarity and Specificity.

Continuing,,, So, because of the future ‘biopsy’ I have scheduled – which my mind is using as the reason for how I’ve been experiencing myself – I’m investigating this point of fear, which I’m obviously automatically enslaved to because I’ve seen through my participation and observation how I have defined myself as a reactive response.    It’s like watching myself try and adapt to a new ‘Processing’ System being developed within and as me.

During the day, here’s how it goes, I will access a point where I will through a memory association activate my imagination and within that a specific picture flashes within my mind, where I see myself as kind of floating.monkey on my back

Almost as if I’m waiting on myself. Waiting to catch up to myself meaning to Stop and breathe. The negative feeling experience happens quickly and I experience myself as if I’m being tugged between a negative energy and a  positive energy. A tug-of-war where the tugging initiates waves of FEAR  and then, like a finger pulling the trigger on a loaded gun,,,suddenly,,, Bang!   There I am, Smack dab in a pocket of FEAr.

When that happens, when the trigger has been pulled, I suddenly realize how my physical body is assisting me to remember to STOP participating as I experience a moment of physical weakness which sends a negative energetic charge of doom and gloom throughout my entire physical body, and in that moment, it feels like the MONkEY on my back has just saddled in for a long ride,, until I finally take self-responsibility, I Stop participating, I Breathe.

The Physical Experience where I became weak,  has happened only twice recently, and each time I’ve been able to effectively Stop myself from participating any further. . But I mean,  this is just what I’m aware of,  a reactive response which happens suddenly and unexpectedly and has numerous dimensions – all of which happens in a matter of seconds. Consciousness as our Mind is a MASSive preprogrammed system of reactive responses to self-responsibility instead of the ability to respond instead of reacting.

Thus I’ve been sitting with the fear so to speak, and investigating the common sense answers to my own questions…

When did I begin to accept this particular physical manifested consequense? ( I will share ‘when’ in a future post)

Will the biopsy result be a death sentence?

Will I be here this time next year?

What exactly is it that I really fear?

Do I fear losing my breath? As in taking my last breath… Is the IMage of myself taking my last breath the exact point of participation that is fueling my fear? Because obviously I have no Real idea what it’s  like to take one’s last breath…

I have a memory associated with the fear of not being able to breathe. I once swallowed a couple of aspirins, which dissolved so fast that they somehow went into my windpipe which caused me to not be able to breathe, so my partner had to perform CPR. It took 3 times of chest compressions and I was turning purple when finally, I was able to breathe again…

Continuing…I’m realizing how what I fear is based upon negative and positive energetic experiences within and as Memories and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be through and as them in how I’ve accumulated myself through and as Thoughts/Pictures/Imagination/Backchat/Reactions and,  What are the  Consequences of how I’ve manifested them as here within and as my Physical Body???
processing
As I continue to investigate, I realize  that ‘ve been lying to myself – that what I actually fear is how I have defined myself and sentenced myself to exist as within the same fear that  ‘I thought’ I saw within the eyes of my mother just days before she became deathly ill and died.

I believed I witnessed the exact moment when she gave up on herself, her Life.

What I didn’t realize then that I am realizing now,  is that what I was seeing within her, was a reflection of my own fear  of giving up.

Actually, I was giving myself a glimpse of my own fear of mortality, which is actually fear of taking self-responsibility for myself and for how our entire current world system exists as according to what I’ve accepted and allowed.

For awhile I wanted to give up on myself and any and all parts of this world as myself and I used my mother’s death as a reason to do so…

In doing so, I made many mistakes, including the damage I caused to myself as my Physical Body and the damage to my relationship with my partner – which I valued most and within that how I buried myself beneath self-pity and it’s accepted sorrow… So, again, I am facing the consequences of my decisions and subsequently additionally, facing the fears which were born  when I chose to Not take self-responsibility for myself and our world as myself.

The bottom line here is,  instead of participating in relationship to what automatically comes up within and as my mind, I Commit Myself to Direct myself to develop my self-awareness and move MySelf to Self-Directive Change – rather than the controlled change which I exist as now where I change from Characters and Personalities through my relationships with positive and negative balancing of polarities!  

Day 210: Can Software do your Job?

This is an important question that we all must answer because survival of the fittest is actually survival of the richest.

For context read: How the internet is making us poor

Problem:

We are in a very real situation where technology is splitting the job market into categories, corporations who tell computers what to do, people who are told by computers what to do, and machines that perform routine tasks making workers more productive and others less essential.

Why are we accepting and allowing advanced technology to be used against us by those who have all the money, and in the process reducing our ability to provide for ourselves?

What other species would so ignorantly and selfishly allow such a thing when the advancements in technology can put us on the fast track to living Life as Equals?

Artwork By: Jessica Arias
Grumpy cat and equal money

Solution
What is the solution that will advance Life on Earth to a place where every living being is given the Right of Life? Equal Money.

Reward:
The amazing thing about Equal Money is that it is the Simplest Solution. Equal Money will alter and redesign our current money system – which currently determines whether or not you have ‘earned’ your right to exist here – to one that literally gives the gift of Life to Everyone. Life is Here and is Not about ‘earning’ a right to be here.

Currently, Money is the Tool we use Against each other, instead of allowing it to advance us to become a World where War, Poverty and Hunger is Eliminated Forever. Get it? It’s only a matter of time before your routine Job is replaced with technology and you realize that YOU are being Eliminated! So, Educate Yourself, Investigate and Join Us

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Join the forum:
Desteni

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

“Amazingly enough – there seems to be some form of ‘Mercy’, because You are Still Here, you Still have Time to Hear. Will you Hear? That’s the whole thing about Freedom of Choice, isn’t it? You are ‘Free to Choose’ – that’s astounding. The very same choice you’re not Willing to Give to Everyone Else on Earth – You Have. If that is not Abuse, that you would not even Exercise it for yourself: it’s because you’re Not Exercising it for yourself that you are Not Willing to give it to Everyone else. You see Why Freedom of Choice doesn’t exist? You are the Reason why.
Are you That Weak, that All you can be is a Bully? Or All you can be is One that can be Influenced by a Bully? That, All you are is Fear and All you can Be is what is Influenced by Fear? Then, that is the Answer of your Life, isn’t it? There is Nothing-else for you…and Suddenly Without Notice: you will No longer be here and Nobody will Notice. In spite of your Feverish attempts to try and leave some memory of yourself in this world of your ‘grandeur’ – it will disappear. This Earth has existed a Very long time and yet, there is only a written history of a few thousand years – ever wondered Why? What happened to Previous Civilizations? Why were they simply Wiped Out? Do you think this isn’t going to happen to this one? That Is How Irrelevant one is that Do Not Honor Life. The Evidence, the Scientific Evidence – is This World.” Bernard Poolman

Day 209: ‘The Lump’ Sum of ‘What If’s’

Problem:

Recently I found a lump in my right breast and I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not sure how long it’s been there.  Filling out the paperwork for the mammogram and ultrasound that I had today, I wrote that I was pretty sure I first noticed the lump about 4 months ago. The realization that I’ve been so disconnected from who I am as my physical body – so much so that I didn’t notice the thing sooner, is quite disturbing to me.

When the Doctor who was doing the ultrasound decided that I was going to have to schedule a needle biopsy in order to determine if the lump is cancerous or not, I heard a voice in my head say: “Is this it, is this what’s gonna get me”? At the same time, I became aware of myself experiencing myself in disbelief and almost immediately asked myself “am I slipping into some sort of denial”?
I scheduled the biopsy and slowly walked to my car all the while completely aware of a spiraling feeling within me, followed by moments where I felt absolutely frozen in time. in fear of ‘what if‘? The fear of not knowing left me feeling helpless and me as my mind was reacting, spiraling out-of-control.

I was sure that time slowed down to practically nothing as I continued to walk to my car and when I finally sat behind the wheel, I sat quietly and allowed myself to breathe. That was the moment when I was able to remind myself that fearing the unknown does not serve me in any way whatsoever and I committed myself  to come home and write.

what ifSolution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within shame and embarrassment project into the future my own selfish ego/fears – fear of ‘what if’ I become my own mind perception of what is ugly, ‘what if’ my partner no longer wants me, ‘what if’ I’m seen as ‘less of a woman’ by those who know me if I were to have breast cancer or required treatment or removal of my breast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ignore the lump in my breast, to basically ‘sweep the problem under the rug’ so to speak, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so me as my mind wants to continue working with the knowledge and information that I feel I’m able to control, because my mind doesn’t have an understanding/knowledge or information about how to deal with the possibility of having breast cancer – where my mind attempts to activate memories and associations to try and remain in control which is actually self-interest and self-pity motivated in/as negative and positive energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within such separation from me as my physical body that it took me months to notice an irregular lump within my breast tissue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought/image that flashed within my mind of what I might look like if I were to have to have chemo and/or radiation and for the fear of getting ill and dying from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be drawn into my imagination of ‘what if’ where I become a victim of cancer and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see victimization as a way of receiving acknowledgement and attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated by energy within ‘the lump sum of what if’s’, ‘what if’ I die and my partner starts a relationship with someone else and ‘what if’ he likes the idea of being able to be with someone new and within that I forgive myself for silently giving myself permission to give up, to not stand stable and responsible for myself and others within my world as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my secret mind have an agenda silent even to myself, where I ignore my participation in/as self-abusive behaviors within and as thoughts, feelings, emotions and energetic experiences, where my actions are motivated only in my concern about how I might experience myself, instead of facing all of me within the patterns of who, how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our current abusive world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power in deciding to act according to judgment and ego within and as self-loathing pleasures of ‘what if’, wherein doing so I give permission for me as my physical body to take the blame so to speak, the ultimate lump sum payment/sacrifice for/as foolish acts of discretion of and as me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a world/money system where we actually take pride in our daily struggles to survive.

Reward:

I commit myself to let the Fear go, to know that at this point I don’t have all the facts and thus there is actually nothing to fear, thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to remain stable, as stable as possible until the biopsy/results are given to me and only then will I be able to deal with it in relation to the reality thereof – and not through any accumulated reactions projected and/or manifested within me until then.

I commit myself to redefining who I am in relationship with me as my physical body in/as self-intimacy.

I commit myself to STOP Summing the experience of Life as an experience in Fear, thus, when and as I see myself project myself into the future in trying to achieve a reward/experience for myself rooted in self-interest, ego and greed, I stop, I breathe. I direct myself to remain stable as I walk the self-corrective application of redesigning who I am according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for who I am as my mind/physical body relationship and subsequently for the design of our world/money system equally as myself – instead of acting as the Lump sum of all our fears motivated in/as self-interest, ego and greed – to Stand in Complete Support of/as a world/money system that acts Equally in Support of and As All Living Beings.

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When I was writing this blog I recalled when I shaved my head along with many other Destonians. It was a simple way at the time to show my support for a Money System that will ensure that when a child is born, no matter what country they are born to, they will never go without food, clean water, a home, an education, and clean clothes to keep them warm.

But, too bad for humanity,  because We have All fallen victim to a Cancer.  A Cancer we refer to as MONEY.  And admit it or not,  we’ve All at one time or another used Money to manipulate one another into creating our world as it currently exists, with Starvation, Murder and Wars.

We have within us the possibility to change,  beginning with a solution such as the one that LIG proposes.  It’s a living solution that everyone should investigate and seriously consider supporting.

**Update:

After writing this blog, I read todays blog written by Creation’s Journey to Life, thus I had to come back and add the link because it SUMS up the idea of “Shave your Head for a Better World” perfectly.

I invite you to read the entire BlogDay 331: The Cancer Experiment

“The Cancer Experiment was based on a Very Simple Point – we have an Organization around the World that Shaves for Cancer, and in so doing would Promote and Preserve the Pharmaceutical Companies that Profit immensely from the chemicals that they sell for ‘Life threatening diseases’ – making Money, Profiting from Death and getting the populous to Ensure that they can push up the prices by increasing donations through Shaving heads. A similar thing has happened around the Oil Spill with BP – again a Corporation, and where the ‘Goodwill of the People’ was Abused for the purposes of Profit. Interestingly enough: the people don’t Notice that this was the motivation behind their actions, as we have Demonstrated.
We have taken, for instance, Shaving your Head for a World that is Best for All Life – that means the Ultimate Solution for Everyone, which means that Every Cancer patient will get the Best Treatment and it will Cost them Nothing: Life is being Preserved.” Bernard Poolman

Day 208: Invisible Battles

Problem:

I had a dream last night where I saw myself jumping between roof tops, fighting battles. In battle, I fought with people who seemed familiar, yet were unfamiliar, and the only weapons in the dream were SWORDS.
invisible battle
No real harm to anyone ever occurred no matter how hard we fought and there were no expression of emotions, energy or fears. Everything appeared to be staged in order for us to see for ourselves that life is Not meant to be lived fighting each other to survive – ultimately leading us to at the end of the day – we remain alone with our inner invisible battles, where we compete only with ourself as we try to reach a place of feel better within and as our mind that isn’t real and can never ever be reached.

Solution:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character of and as my mind as someone who is never good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight seemingly invisible battles within my mind and body in trying to keep my emotions ‘at bay’ according to a self-created knowledge of myself and in doing so not realizing how I manifest pockets of pain and dysfunction in bringing the words that I speak to life within and as me as my physical flesh/ bones/body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight invisible battles within and as my mind using thoughts, feelings, emotions and words as a way of remaining in defense mode where I stage imaginary attacks against myself and others as myself creating inner resistance giving myself a false sense of protection through positive and negative energetic experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting down the guards’ so to speak, which I’ve used to keep myself trapped within and as my mind as the emotional feelings of fear, where I silence myself in fear of my own self-expression, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through ego/self-interest by way of comparing myself to others and using inferiority and superiority as energetic motivators to suppress myself deeper into self-abusive patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought/picture within my mind where I see myself as being to dumb to stand and take self-responsibility for who I am and for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cower down to back chat and internal conversations, telling myself that I’m not smart enough and as such I might as well shut up and give up on myself and the world/money system as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed in myself for wanting to give up on myself and my process because I see, realize and understand that feeling disappointed is actually me justifying my own self-interested behaviors.

When and as I become aware of back chat and internal conversations within my mind telling myself that I’m not smart enough and/or that I should just ‘shut up and give up’ – I Stop, I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a pattern within my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to because the truth is I have accepted and allowed a pattern of fear of change within the pattern/character of not being good enough – fear of giving up the comforting, numbed down life style of distractions/entertainment – to instead direct myself to educate myself about our world/money system.

When and as I see myself pull inward into and as my mind where I fight invisible battles, where I begin to doubt who I am as I continue to walk this Journey to Life, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the doubt is actually self-interest talking, therefore, I commit myself to embracing myself in tender-loving-care, giving myself permission to stop and focus on this moment of breath – where there is no right or wrong, only me directing myself according to what’s best for all.

Reward:

I commit myself to remain aware of my behavior to stop the pattern of accepting and allowing myself to become a character of and as my mind as someone who is never good enough.

I commit myself to stop fighting invisible battles within and as my mind using preprogrammed thoughts, feelings, emotions and energetic experiences as a way of remaining in/as defense mode.

I commit myself to stop giving in to self-manipulation and self-doubt.

I commit myself to walk the self-corrective application of redesigning who I am, standing stable and self-responsible, to redesign myself free from self-abusive and self-destructive patterns

I commit myself to Stop my programmed belief system and to see, realize and understand how what I’ve believed of my life – as that of being comforting – is actually the result of massive funding by our current world/money systems, therefore, I commit myself to further research and educate myself, to ultimately expose the role that money plays in producing, through education and media, as well as thousands of other ways of manipulation, the kind of people we as the human on earth have become.

**UPDATE: When I wrote this blog, I hadn’t yet read the daily blog posted by Heaven’s Journey to Life titled: Why do we Give Up BEFORE we Even Started?: DAY 321, now having read it, I suggest one to read it to assist with further clarity with regards to Facing Uncertainty.  The same applies to the blog written yesterday by Creation’s Journey to Life titled: Day 324: What Characterize a Demon? (Part One), specifically regarding the following quote:

“Taking the Example of ‘Feeling Not Good Enough’ – this would Start as an Emotion, internalized, and then the Emotion will start ‘defining itself’ into and as Thoughts that manifest, and the thoughts would cycle, repetitively in the Mind and so generate the emotion; and with self’s participation in and as it – would ‘Characterize’ self into and as the ‘who I am’ and believe SELF to be the characterized emotion as Thoughts as ‘I’M Not Good Enough’. When, all the while: the ‘Not Good Enough’ was simply an emotional energy-program, that self characterized into and as a ‘who I am’. Then, from the internal creation and design of the Emotion into a Character, through and as Thought – one will eventually start Speaking and Living it ‘as Self’ and so BECOME the Character of the Emotion as ‘Not Good Enough’; and in this Process – self become ‘Lost’ in/as Energy, Emotion and the Characterization thereof that we create through Thought.” Bernard Poolman 

Day 207: Moms on Meds

For context Read:
5 Ways Medication Can Make You a Better Mom

Xanax Makes Me a Better Mom

Problem:
A record number of moms and dads are taking anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants. Statistics show that One In Four women take some kind of prescribed ‘mental health medication’ whether that be an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication or both.

Almost 6 years ago, I was one of those moms. At the time I was prescribed 2 different kinds of anti-depressants, and had been on them for approximately 12 years. I was also regularly taking xanax – which I first began taking in 1988 shortly after my first ‘anxiety attack’. So, I know what it’s like to experience an anxiety attack and what it is to convince yourself that you have to have that little pill to pop in order to assist yourself to cope throughout the day. I know what it’s like to be a mom on meds and I’m very aware of the downhill cycle of fear, suppression, guilt and self-denial.

So let’s look closer at what is written within the article: 5 Ways Medication Can Make You a Better Mom. Where she lists the 5 ways that medication can make you a better mom:

She writes: “5 Ways Meds Can Make You a Better Mom:
1. Help make the oftentimes terrifying world seem like a less terrifying place to raise children.
2. Lessen out-of-control mommy guilt (which, left unchecked, can lead to/aggravate depression).
3. Make it easier to manage the stress of juggling more work/family/life responsibilities than human beings are meant to juggle at one time.
4. Help regulate sleep patterns/avoid crippling fatigue.
5. Help keep the everyday emotional ups-and-downs of your children in perspective.”
moms on meds

The five ways listed from my perspective are actually a list of fears, reasons and justifications. All of which I also used to justify to myself why it was OK for me to pop a pill and numb myself down into a feel good state of mind, and in doing so failed to face the truth of me, of who and how I was existing as in self-denial within a world/money system that is to failing the children of our world.

The fact is, our world is a scary and terrifying place to raise a child, what with the threat of hunger, poverty and war making it’s way to doorsteps of us all. We actually don’t have another moment to waste when it comes to becoming responsible enough to raise our children to become the kind of human being that will support our world according to what’s best for all – because as of now, that kind of human being has never actually existed and our World clearly reflects the truth of that.

When we talk about treating depression we have to look at the facts.  My experience was that combining anti-depressant medication with anti-anxiety medication, the combination of the two,  actually increased my depression. Anyone whose taken anti-anxiety medication for an extended period of time knows that one have to increase their dose over time to get any benefit and that long term use in itself causes more and more depression.  It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound that will never heal.  Initially, when I decided to stop taking anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants, I did so under strict Doctor care because it is extremely dangerous to abruptly stop them, so please, seek medical assistance before doing so.

The first medication I stopped was Xanax. I beLIEved it was my savior in times when I would have extreme panic attacks – so bad that I would have to sit with my head between my legs while my husband would get a cold wash rag for the back of my neck  because I would feel like I was going to pass out. The attacks would be triggered after I had spent much time in my head participating in thoughts over and over and then the fear would become overwhelming as I would accept the emotional baggage of guilt and remorse.

The physical withdrawals from stopping caused my entire body to feel like it was at times vibrating at a high speed. I also experienced a sort of mental-paranoia where I wanted to isolate myself from my world and everybody in it. I also experienced physical symptoms of fever and chills on and off for a couple of months. I also had extreme insomnia in the beginning days of stopping, followed by days where I had to push myself to get out of bed.

What I’ve realized, is that xanax changes your mind only for a moment,  which is actually only suppressing the point, which does and will return for self to face.

When I stopped taking anti-depressants after being on them for 12 years, I did so by tapering off of them during a 3 month period. During that time I experienced anxiety in the daytime, insomnia at night, and the dreaded head symptoms, which vary individually – where one may experience vertigo, lightheadedness, difficulty with balance, blurred vision, tremors, restlessness and hallucinations, burning or tingling sensations in the skin, as well as flu like symptoms may be experienced for up to 3 months. I personally experienced some of all the above symptoms when I stopped.

The Most Important Part of my full recovery was/is walking the Desteni I Process and applying the tools they provide.  Without it, I would have never seen myself through to the point of a full recovery. I was also able to stop the use of at least 12 prescription medicines as well as stopping my addiction to cigarette and marijuana smoking, and, I was also able to stop an addiction to gambling.

It’s very important that one educate and investigate for themself each and every drug that one is considering starting, to be able to completely understand the damage that using them imposes on the physical body. Because the decision to pop a pill, or smoke a joint, or even have that drink, should not be taken lightly.  Desteni I Process is key because it assists one to understand and stop self-abusive patterns/behaviors.

One must understand that whatever we ‘think’ we’re avoiding by doing so – whether that reason be whether it be to ‘regulate sleep patters/avoid crippling fatigue’ and/or to ‘help keep the everyday emotional ups-and-downs of our children in perspective’ – whatever that justifying reason is, we must understand that the point will and does return. Depression is Not a disease, it is a conditioned pattern, a construct of our mind.

Thus whatever our means of avoiding self/distraction is – whether it be popping a pill or having that drink, (or even distracting ourself by way of entertainment) we are only prolonging the inevitability of the fact that we are here to face who we are and direct ourselves to redesign who we are to bring about a World according to what’s best for all.

Solution:
As a mom I know how moms think. And the truth is, as moms, we realize that popping a pill or drinking alcohol, or taking that illegal drug is not the solution for helping ourself raise our children. We see, realize and understand that the systems in place that make our world turn, like for instance the Education system and the Money System are Not providing the support we require in order to raise healthy mentally stable and responsible human beings.

One mom is quoted as saying that she has realized how “we’re just not wired’ to handle the demands of raising children”. I completely agree and this is so important…No one has ever taught us how to become responsible for ourself or our world. However, there is a course now available that assists the individual to begin to understand what’s really going on within their mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions – where one learns how to stabilize and direct themself, and, it’s FREE! . Suggest you check it out: DIP Lite

Many times before I tried to stop my addictive behaviors and when I couldn’t stop, I looked for someone to blame and existed in patterns of guilt.  It was only with the tools offered through Desteni that I was able to completely stop.  It’s been almost 6 years and I no longer have daily thoughts or desires to cope with the use of drugs, and, my panic attackes have completely stopped.  DIP Lite can assist with Real Self-Change because we are taught to understand why and how we have specific thought patterns within our mind and how to stop them.

So, it’s time we asked ourselfes how our behavior is teaching our children to become increasingly dependent upon an already abusive world/money system? And, what are we missing when we’re not ‘here’ in full capacity as breath? Why is it that we keep failing our children in that we are Not prepared to lead by example in creating a world that protects and provides for them? Why is it that we take actions to make ourselves feel better instead of supporting a world/money system that will support All Life, according to what’s best for All?

Reward:
When we create a world where fear and the struggle to survive life is eliminated through a system that supports everybody according to what’s best for all – we’ll stop searching for a way to ‘cope’, a way to ‘feel better’ – because Life itself will become one of ‘Give as you’d like to Receive’ – which will bring about an end to the feeling of self-sacrifice.

Day 206: The Suffering of Others

I’ve never really considered myself as the type of person who gets off on the suffering of others. I was wrong, because as it turns out, I do. It can be something so seemingly unimportant, something as simple as what happened around here recently.

My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter’s dad had went to the store earlier in the day and it wasn’t until just before bedtime that he realized he had forgotten to purchase diapers. We live at least 45 minutes from the nearest store open at that time of the night and he was already tired and had to get up in 6 hours to go to work. There was the temptation in considering that 6 diapers would get her through the next day, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of her having to wear a dirty one until they got home from work. So I insisted that he go on to the store and quite frankly, I saw the situation as a lack of self-responsibility on their part for forgetting to get diapers in the first place. As he left for the store I saw how I was relishing in the back chat that was existing in my mind in thinking, ‘this’ll teach him’. I mean, he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work on time and he works really hard all day, so for me to find comfort in him having to go to the store, like some sort of suffering for his negligence, was quite an alarming site to myself existing in/as.

As he closed the door and left for the store, I heard a voice within me that said: ‘Shame on You’!  I sat there and breathed and stopped the energy swirling within me. The energetic reaction, a sort of spite and animosity that reaches far beyond my own comprehension, yet I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to participate, I am accepting and allowing all suffering within this world to exist.

It begins here within me, within what I accept and allow the inner me to be, and it is my responsibility to investigate who I am as it, forgive it and walk the self-corrective application to stop living as it.

How can suffering end as long as I am living as that which support it?

The shame that I was experiencing was the relationship that I have with fear and guilt and I was reminded of the Creation’s Journey to Life Blog which I had read earlier in the day, because I realized in that moment that I was fearing the shame I experienced myself as. I suggest reading the entire blog titled: Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation

Here is a quote from the blog:

“Do Not FEAR Shame. That is what Parents and the System use to Control you. Fear of SHAME. EMBRACE Shame, if you can Find it!

In the Shame you will See WHAT YOU ACCEPT and Allow and How that INFLUENCE and HARM others on a Level of Life – NOT the System. System Shame is to Not Pay your Debts – then you are blacklisted to Force you to Shame. That is Not Real Shame. That is Control, like a Parent Forcing a Child into Submission to Adhere to the System of Slavery. That is Why the Parent will Never teach the Child Real Shame, only the Shame of Slavery.

Real Shame is the Key to FREEDOM, the Key to Silence WITHIN, the KEY to LOVE, the Key to LIFE, the KEY to a New World, the KEY to Forgiveness, the KEY to Self-Honesty, the KEY to Intimacy, the Key to TRUST, the Key to Insight, the Key to the Universe, the KEY to Life.

Those without Real Shame, will attempt to Shame you to SHUT you UP – because they have no Shame. Pity them, because they have Lost Life Forever.” Bernard Poolman

the suffering of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a guilt-fear reaction, fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s in the smallest details of that which we accept, allow and ignore, that we manifest and create the greatest of life’s atrocites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the real shame within choosing comfort and rest within myself and my little world while throughout the entire world there is a vast number of those who silently suffer in war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own enjoyment and to imagine having all the conveniences that modern living with lots of money can bring and within that haven’t considered how in order for me to have all that, there must be those that go without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach guilt, anger and shame to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the one design that connects us all is our enslavement to Money in that we willingly let many suffer while a few live in luxary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to be dishonest in my choice to in fear seek only to protect myself, to only be concerned and care about me and my family and my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and give value to life through my own illusionary imaginative mind of self-interest, money / power and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I abdicate my self-responsibility through animosity in blaming the perception I have of others as not taking self-responsibility as the reason for how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger and animosity upon others and relish in their mistakes because I fear facing my own experience of/as inferiority/inadequacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy of anger as an excuse for not investigating my resistance to self change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my words and tonality towards others as a way of projecting my own feelings of guilt and shame onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the shame in the truth of me as the nature of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the inner me which is manifested as the outer me as how our world/reality currently exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self- responsibility for myself in standing up for all as one as equal as me, in living the solution for all as one as equal to stop what I / We have accepted and allowed within ourselves and within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being shamed by others for making the decision to change myself to be the sort of human being that will stand up and support a world/money system that will be supportive of All living beings according to what’s best for all, from birth till death, because I see, realize and understand that the Real Shame is in the accepting and allowing of even one to suffer while another has it all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into a guilt-fear reaction,  fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as I stop, I breathe.  I direct myself to investigate what’s really going on within me and to establish myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of polarity conflict where I go into shame and guilt to cover up how I’m experiencing myself instead of actually understanding what’s going on within and as me.

I commit myself to continue to investigate my relationship to money to further my understanding of how the decisions I make contribute either to the suffering of others or the well being of others, the choice and responsibility is always here as me.

I commit myself to Stop and Change who I am within accepting and allowing the needless suffering of life due to our corrupt world/money system, to support Equal Money Capitalism, to bring an end to all suffering.

Day 205: I’m too old for this!

More than once when I was younger and my children were small my babysitter would cancel and I would have to take them over to my mother’s house so I could go to work. When I would arrive later to pick them up it was common for her to tell me: ‘I’m too old for this’!

I mean I heard her say that so many times, and every time she must have felt guilty for saying it because she would always add a reminder to me of how much she ‘loved’ her grandchildren, but that they were just about to much for her to handle, what with her already daily duties of keeping the house clean and cooking supper for her and dad.

Back then I never looked at her words as being part of a program, a constructed pattern within and as who she was as her mind. Instead I judged her for saying so and I remember experiencing myself within a sort of euphoric state of denial. Because within my programming, within my own mind of delusion, I was sure that I would never come to feel like and thus live as the words: ‘I’m too old for this’!

Little did I know or comprehend how in that moment of my participation in thinking that I would never come to feel like that, that I already was it. Already accepting and allowing myself to become the same preprogrammed design of and as my mind. And, here, years later and today I heard the inner proof of my self accepted programming when within my mind I heard myself say: ‘I’m too old for this’!

too old for this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a self-righteous moral attitude of superiority manipulating myself with excuses to not move myself, but to remain the same, stuck in my own fear hiding within a beLIEf system of self immortality and self-interest where I continue to argue for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on an imaginary picture of myself within my mind where I physically remain looking the same within the idea of myself as being ‘pretty as a picture’, and completely unaware of my physical behavioral movements and the reactions within myself as my mind participation and the damaging effects I am manifesting unto my physical body and physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the inner me is that which manifests the outer me as this world within which we experience ourself, thus, when I participate in back chat and/or an internal conversation of: ‘I’m too old for this’, that what I am really doing is reacting within and as an enery of anger, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I am experiencing myself is unique and that I am alone having to give up something special of myself and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that the inner conflict that exists within me is the inner conflict that exist within all other beings as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others within my world within a feeling of ‘importance’ where within that I don’t realize that such a reaction is actually towards a projection of an image/picture that exists within my mind reaching for greatness – thus, is Not in fact a real expression of me as who I am in/as my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest pain within and as me as my physical body within and as the back chat of: ‘I’m too old for this’ where I become physically stiff with my chest protruding out standing with a force that does nothing but enforce an energy of resistance, of self-sabotage and denial of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequence of defining who I am within the back chat of ‘I’m too old for this’ is that in doing so I’m walking my process for an individual want, need and desire and not really changing myself, only seeking to fulfill my own self-fulfilling prophecy therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within something that has become very automatic and convenient to keep myself deliberately in a state of self-controlled manipulation.

I commit myself to STOP this pattern of self-controlled manipulation because I know what to do to start changing, to start expanding and letting go of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and what the consequences are of doing so within myself and thus what I am accepting and allowing to continue as abuse within existence.

I commit myself to slow myself down and walk the self-corrective application of becoming clear in my communication as my words, my vocalization and my physical body movement to/towards others.

I commit myself to further investigating what wants and desires I’m still holding onto and excusing because of self-interest as that which I’ve continued to drag alongside of myself as I’m walking this Journey to Life so as to assist myself to be able to Stand and Direct myself according to what’s best for all.

Day 204: It is Time to Change

Yesterday I was gifted with an interview from Eqafe titled: It is Time to Change.

This was perfect timing for me, because I’ve been on a time loop for awhile now where what’ll happen is that I access an energy movement, and from there I’ll reference a moment from my past and then utilize it to condition myself in the present within my mind into a mental and physical condition / experience – until I cause myself to be completely immobile. Unfortunately I’ve repeated such behavior until at the end of the day I’ve usually completely sabotaged myself to the point where I feel completely overwhelmed and ultimately ashamed of myself for not pushing myself through the point of energy resistance.

Even now as I’m typing, I feel physically nauseous with resistance to continue. So, I can relate to what Anu refers to in the interview when he shares how one will experience a physical condition of limitation, of like being completely immobile in the back chat of: “I can’t do anything right now, it’s impossible”.

time to change
The process of change is through resistances. That I know to be true. Through applying the tools of Desteni I Process, pushing through the resistance and walking as a Group with Desteni, I’ve been able to stop not one but several addictive behaviors such as gambling, smoking pot and smoking cigarettes‘, as well as being able to stop taking of 11 highly addictive prescription medications.

So Yes, it is definitely Time to change, it is Time for me to get the hell off the time loop, to stop what has been months of resistance and self-sabotage. It’s time for me to Change, to Stand as Stable support to bring about a World that is supportive of all Life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time loop within the point of resisting to face who I am without any and all positive and negative energies for the fear of who I’ll be without them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the process of Life and Giving and Receiving and Walking in the shoes of another for granted within a self-righteous, holier-than-though attitude because the truth is I fear the shame in seeing what I have been willing to accept and allow to exist within this world. I fear taking responsibility for all life because I fear giving up having more than others because I am ashamed of the fact that I have believed that I deserve to have more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access an energy movement and within that reference a past moment to utilize in order to condition myself within my mind into a mental and physical state/condition experience where I become completely immobile within a point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of energy, be it negative and/or positive, and to from there sink into a despair of hopelessness all of which is how I manipulate myself to excuse and justify Not moving and pushing myself through the point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past and the future to talk myself into where I’ve come from and using it to manifest what is ahead for me in creating my present ‘condition’ within my mind where I eventually talk myself into even more limitation into a physical experience of being completely immobile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to linger in an energy experience that then goes into threads of excuses and back chat within my mind of, “I can’t do anything right now, it’s impossible”, and then justify reasons as to why I continue to argue for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself ‘putting off changing until tomorrow’ through justifying how and what I’m accepting myself as within the fear of who I’ll be if I do change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I’ve been resisting is the fear of facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to oppose me as my physical body within degrees of resistance for which I hold onto fear within the pit of my stomach.

I commit myself to stop giving in to resistance as fear.

I commit myself to Stop justifying my participation in the energy movements that keep me time looping and arguing for my own limitation.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a pattern of resistance which begins with a positive and/or negative energetic experience, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have walked similar energetic resistance before, thus I Stand within the decision to stop and direct myself to walk the self-corrective application to become a point of stability according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself stuck in a pattern of resistance to stop, breathe and move myself to write and forgive myself.

I commit myself to STOP using the past and the future to talk myself into where I’ve come from and using it to manifest what is ahead for me in creating my present ‘condition’ within my mind where I eventually talk myself into even more limitation into a physical experience of being completely immobile.

I commit myself to move myself within my physical reality to get things done that matter to my process of the Journey to Life.

I commit myself to changing who I am as a selfish inconsiderate greedy bitch to one who will Stand up for Life, who will never stop until every single living being is able to experience Life in a dignified manner according to what’s best for all.

I re-commit myself to my process of walking this Journey to Life to it’s fullest potential in seeing, realizing and understanding that I have this one Life to make every breath count to support real change for All Life through Equal Money Capitalism to bring about Heaven on Earth.
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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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