Tag Archive | like mother like daughter

Day 298: Self-Change within the Mother / Daughter Relationship Construct

Alright, first a little history. Within an hour or so after spending some time with my youngest daughter, I would begin to have pain in my upper back / scapula area. Sometimes the pain is almost unbearable and while I’ve been able to breathe and slowly get the pain to subside, it’s a point that I can see is requiring immediate attention.

So my DIP Pro buddy is assisting me with taking this point on and I can see how I’ve been changing the way I behave when I’m around my daughter in that as I approach her, I become stricter and it’s like I expect more from her for some reason. So basically when I’m around her I take on a specific role and /or personality and I’ve been able to connect the change in me being when the pain would intensify. So just realizing that I was doing that has assisted me to be able to stop compromising myself by that action of stepping into such a specific role / personality – which had become almost a point of automation so, it takes practice to change self as that.

So then, about a month and a half ago, my daughter had to reschedule a Drs. appt. for her daughter, Emmeline. When I heard she cancelled it / rescheduled it, even though I didn’t agree with her decision to do so, I kept quiet about the little irritation I was experiencing within myself. Upon further investigation I realized that I didn’t trust myself to not react, so I kept quiet, and in doing so I suppressed the ‘who I am‘ to ‘who am I’?

However, at the time I didn’t take the time to self investigate, so I knew the point would come around again, and it did really soon!

Then a couple of weeks ago my partner let me know that my daughter had cancelled Em’s appt. again. Immediately I saw the thoughts that were coming up within me, which were:

“I can’t believe she did that again!”

The word: Betrayed is how I’d describe the experience I was having of myself in that moment. It was like someone had done ‘me’ wrong! Me?? Done me wrong? Lol, that’s actually odd, but at the time, it felt like I had been personally betrayed the moment that Drs. appt. was cancelled.

More Thoughts:

“I deserve to have a say in E’s life.”

“what about everything I’ve done for you?”

“I kept your daughter 4 to 5 days a week for over 2 years, for free, while you guys worked 9 to 10 hour days!”

Memory comes up of Em and I and the many, many days her and I walked together this old country road just outside our house. It was on that road where Em first heard how loud the whistle of a passing train can be! The memory comes with a momentary positive energetic charge / experience / feeling of comfort but, lol, I see how my mind wants me to use the memory to distract and manipulate myself to not look closer to see how the word ‘entitlement’ is attached to the thoughts / backchat I’d just had.

I didn’t wait until I was energy-free to call and talk to my daughter. Instead I manipulated myself in my head into believing that in that moment I was free from reactions but I wasn’t. If I’d been self honest I would have known that, because I felt the rushing of energy inside myself as I called her. The energy was the red flag, but I was too busy being it to give myself a chance to stop and redirect myself. Too bad, because, Revenge of the ego was all that went down during that conversation

I forgave myself and recommitted myself to stop such reactions toward my daughter, or towards anyone for that matter.

Alas, I half-ass-essed myself within the point, meaning for the most part I ignored investigating the point through to it’s entirety. I did manage to share with my daughter how I was sorry for reacting and that I am definitely aware of, and prepared to walk the self-correction process for this point.

Fortunately, lol, a few days later, within this mother / daughter construct, the point opened up again, and bam! I reacted again! This time my reaction to my daughter set off a chain-like reaction and here‘s how it went…

Just like we’ve done every Sunday morning for the past year and a half, first thing on Sunday mornings, my partner goes to my daughter’s house to get our granddaughter. That’s the day we get to spend the entire day with her and this is precious time that my partner and I do not take for granted and it’s a time spent with her that we’ve come to enjoy so much every week.

So my daughter and I were speaking on the phone when my partner got to her house to pick Em up, but then, when she told me about them having to move and about ‘where’ their going to move to, I reacted by saying how stupid it is to move so far away from her job and I knew my tone was angry when I spoke and when she heard me say that she hung up on me. She then reacted and decided to not let our granddaughter come over as planned for the day. (I didn’t know she didn’t let Em leave with my partner until he called from our cell phone to tell me.)

When she had hung up on me I hadn’t tried to call her back because I knew I had to focus on my breathing and stop the energy before talking with her again.

However, after my partner called and told me Em wasn’t with him, I immediately tried calling her but she wouldn’t answer her phone. When she wouldn’t answer her phone, I became more pissed off. So at that point I made the decision to text her the following, which was exactly the thoughts and backchat that was going on in my head!

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t let Em come over because you thought I’d scare Em because you thought I’d show my reactions to your moving to her?”

“I am speechless.”

“I’ve never given you a reason to fear me doing such a thing”

Again I felt betrayed. I was angry. I felt anxious. My heart rate had increased adn I felt alone and wrung with self-doubt and self disappointment. As I was focusing on my breathing,  I began to see a connection within myself between self-betrayal, self-trust and self-doubt so I reached for an Eqafe interview called: Trust & Betrayal – Reptilians – Part 383.

I realized from listening to the interview that I was like, stewing within myself in my head in self-doubt and when in doubt, there’s fear and in fear there’s no self-trust and so my ‘I am’ became fear and when and as I spoke / reacted as that to my daughter – and it was that same fear that I was accepting and allowing that she mirrored and reacted to me with/as. For a moment I could see clearly to forgive myself as the doubt I’d become.

Once I forgave myself, I was able to look at my daughters living situation respectfully.

The problem? They have to move asap from the house they’ve called home for a year and a half. And, in reality, them having to move was just one more thing I was reacting to and it may have been why my daughter reacted the way she did when she made the decision she made to not let Em come over here.

Things we regret tend to happen when we make decisions in our relationships and / or in our future when we’re in any form of hatred, resentment or revenge energies. And those energies breed fear. Also, when change comes, we fear loss and add a dose of self-doubt and a lack of self-trust on top of that, and what you’ve got is a dysfunctional relationship. And honestly, I don’t know any families that are free from the dysfunctions that come with NOT understanding what’s going on within and as one’s own mind! That’s why I’m grateful for the Desteni I Process, it has literally saved me from going bat-shit-crazy.

Alright so self change can seem impossible, but really, it just takes practice, and what else is there to do really anyway, but to practice understanding each other and so provide assistance and support for ourselves and for those we’re in relationships with.

With regards to my daughter’s upcoming move, it may be difficult at first to get used to because as it is she lives about 20 minutes from us and it’s been great to be able to see them just about anytime we want.

But now, with their decision to move 150 miles round trip from here, the reality is, it is a game changer, because realistically it’ll cost more money to be able to see them every week, so it’s probably not realistic to say that we’ll be able to continue with our weekly visit.

Realizing this is a game changer in my mind, I also see this being a pivotal point that has opened up an opportunity for me to also walk the self corrective application process to change the relationship that I have with myself between trust and betrayal as well as self doubt.

Andrew Gable Artist
agreement agreemend Andrew Gable

So with regards to this matter, I choose to direct myself according to what’s best for all and I know that these kind of moments where we give to ourselves an opportunity to correct the very nature of our relationships – to one that is supportive and giving unto another as one would like to receive is key in walking the self-change process.

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 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to use words as a weapon with which to excuse and abuse.

When and as I see myself feeling like I want to lash out in extreme’s to another, I stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to see, realize and understand that wanting to lash out in extreme onto another is a symptom of being dramatic, basically full of energy, therefore I commit myself to make sure that I do not act until I’m sure I’m energy clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my daughter / child based upon a memory experience I was holding onto from my past that influenced our relationship with spite and resentment through the use of my tone and my words and I forgive myself for using superiority as the starting point from which I began a conversation with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the moment the feeling of betrayal comes – it’s like the table’s just turned and the relationship game between me and them has changed to the extent that they not only betrayed that which I entrusted in them, they have now betrayed all of me and so therefore I must stand within the idea that the whole relationship is null and void – for going to the extreme within myself with regards to how in my mind I decide the entire relationship must now be doomed because of feeling betrayed.

When and as I see myself feeling as if someone or something has betrayed me, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself to ask myself questions, to understand why, how, who and /or what exactly is it that’s contributing to me feeling betrayed, because I see, realize and understand that nothing is so important that one should go to extremes inside oneself, thus it’s important to remember to stop, to breathe and give myself a moment to forgive within understanding why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m entitled to special treatment, that I am somehow more deserving of special treatment because I’m the parent/grandparent.

When and as I see myself demand respect and desire to react in spite within and as the belief that I’m entitled to special treatment because I’m mom and / or because it’s ‘owed’ to me, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that to accept and allow myself to behave in such a way could very well be a direct link of support to our indebted and broken monetary system, therefore, I commit myself to Stop living who I am through and as a false sense of entitlement with an ‘I want it now’ attitude.

I commit myself to not ever make decisions in my relationship with other people or my future when I’m in any form of hatred, revenge and/or resentment energy.

—-Update—-

My daughter and I have been able to assess our alignment with each other in real time every day since the last reaction between us, which was almost 2 weeks ago now and, thus far we’ve both been successful with our communicating with each other.

With regards to ‘where’ my daughter and her family are going to live, while I’m not really in agreement with their decision, I have let her and her partner and my granddaughter know that we’re here for them and will support them and their decision.

***What I find interesting, and I’m still investigating and forgiving is how in my mind, I still have a conflict with my daughter’s choice of where they’re going to live – but I’m not reacting to her on the outside but inside myself, lol, I’m still making amends if you will. Because during the day my mind tried to make believe there was a conflict between my daughter and I based upon a reaction that I didn’t participate in, lol, but my mind thinks there’s supposed to be something going on there, lol! So there’s definitely shifts / changes taking place within me as I continue walking the self correction and realignment process with regards to this point.

Also to note here: In December of 2012, my daughter and her family had to come live with us while she went to nursing school. So below one can click on any of the following links to blog during that time to get a glimpse into my process of writing out the different dimensions as I’ve walked them with regards to this point within and as the mother / daughter construct / relationship which I began shortly after they moved in with us.

I will continue to walk the real-time process of self change to stop any and all reactions to my daughter and her and I have made a commitment to individually and together as self-willed equals, to continue to walk and become a living example of how change can come to the mother / daughter relationship and can be one of support when one’s starting point is structured first within the starting point of what’s best for all.

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Below are Links from my JTL blog where I’ve written regarding this point:

Day 186: Inside Outside In-between (My Daughter’s Moving Back Home)

Day 191: Empathy Pain

Day 196: Moving Through

Day 199: Finding Fault becomes a case of Moral Dilemma

Day 201 & 202: Like Mother, Like Daughter

Day 205: I’m too old for this!

Day 206: The Suffering of Others

Day 251: Forgiving Self Betrayal

Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

Day 253: While I was Sleeping…

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

Day 272: Woman to Woman

Day 285: Letting go of holding on to what used to be

Day 291: What’s worth giving for?

***I will post process updates as they develop and are relevant to this point.***

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Suggest also hearing the following Interviews which have been instrumental for me as I’ve been walking this particular point:

Trust & Betrayal – Reptilians – Part 383

Choices & Doubt – Reptilians – Part 384

Trust Within Constancy – Reptilians – Part 385

Transcending Betrayal – Life Review

In the Mind we Trust, Despite its Betrayal – Life Review

Seeing Your Reactions – Quantum Mind Self Awareness

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Day 272: Woman to Woman

unite1I’m not sure exactly how old I was the first time I knew I wanted to be a woman that other women would refer to as tough.

It was around the time I was in the 6th grade,- and as it would happen, I would have the same specific thought pattern occur many times throughout my life – where within my mind, I believed I could ‘think’ my way’ to being ‘tough’. The thoughts were nothing more than a desire to be seen by other women as a woman who is ‘tough’.

I was serious about it to, and within my mind, in how I defined myself, came with it an energetic feeling that began around the top of my head and worked it’s way slowly down my physical body. It was like I experienced myself as giving myself some sort of mental armor.  Within that mental armor I pretended I could temporarily protect myself from getting my feelings hurt. It was  all about the energy and participating in certain thought pattterns kept a positive energetic experience seemingly intact.

This wanting to be seen as ‘tough’ came to be the way in which I would give myself a false sense of security until finally I began to notice how when I’d be in the energy of it my chest would somewhat stick out and my physical body would experience a stiffness. It was like being on guard within myself and border lining on paranoia.

This is a point I’ve been investigating as I seen myself recently unfold, so to speak. This when after 13 months, my daughter, her partner and my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter recently moved into a place of their own. It was the moment when they first left, and as they drove out of sight, it was like I saw myself finally let my guard down, and what I realized about myself was how since the moment they moved in, I became that ‘toughness’ that I’ve just been referring to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other women’s  opinions of me as being tough to be important because it gave me an excuse to keep my distance within the relationships, to never completely give my all for fear that if I give my all, I will be hurt, left alone in a display of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become focused on and tempted by the energy that came with the thoughts and feelings of believing myself as being tough and for how I overlooked the fact that what I was experiencing within myself was based solely upon the specific relationship that I was having within and as my mind and projecting it unto the relationships within my life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into that ‘tough’ person/character, I stop, I breathe. I see realize and understand that I am aware of the energetic/feeling that I get around the top area of my head right above my eyebrows as an indicator for me to Stop, Breathe,  Remain aware, to not allow myself to go further into and as the energy. To instead give myself the opportunity to change in the moment to one where I share an intimate moment of equality with another living being, where we see ourself in each other – within an otherwise awkward moment – to within an intimate understanding of each other as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand, that in keeping my relationships with others working as a character who is ‘tough’, keeps me focused on the illusion as the relationship with the characters within and as my mind – which ultimately keeps fueling my mind through energy fluctuations of positive and negative as the drama of hope and the feeling of love is played throughout the relationships that I’ve had not only with women, but with men as well, therefore,  I commit myself to redefine who I am within and as the relationship.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to the best of my ability, move myself to do what is required in order of me in order to bring forth a World/Money System that will function according to what’s Best for All.

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Women to Women, Please Investigate The Basic Income Guaranteed

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Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

Day 253: While I was Sleeping…

While I was sleeping the other night I had this dream, it had my mom in it. My mom passed away almost 11 years ago and after doing a Mother-Daughter Mind Construct through Desteni I Process some 2 years ago, I’ve not dreamt about her since. So this was interesting to have this dream because I rarely dream and so when I do, I’ve been able to use it to assist myself in my process. This particular dream assisted me to realize something while I was sleeping. Here‘s how:

In my dream, me and my mom were looking at stuffed animals, specifically stuffed animals that could electronically move which caused them to be especially ‘life like’. Now, when my mom was alive, she didn’t really care about owning a Real-Life dog or a cat, but she loved buying the toy like stuffed animals and would place them throughout her entire house.

It’s strange to look at this point with the memories of myself back then. I mean, at the time I was in love with how she collected so many knick-knacks, like stuffed animals and such. She created an environment that represented coziness and comfort for me within my mind. This was how I experienced myself in my dream,  I was Witness to how I was being comforted by my mom’s spending habits!  Comforted by the ‘things’ my mom collected. Her ‘pretty’s’ as she called them. For me, her collections, was like having one’s own game of thrones.

I saw how when I would walk into her house, I felt like the world wasn’t gonna eat me alive. I felt safe within the ‘idea in my mind‘ that ‘this is my mom’s house’, my home, and no matter how much I screw up/ fall, mom will always be here to pick up the pieces for me – to show me the way. As that, I didn’t know the first thing about taking responsibility for myself much less take responsibility for how our World exists.  When I investigate the ‘real’ relationship my mom and I had, it wasn’t anything like what my mind would have had me believe.

The reality was, my mom and I simply existed in personality designs as mother vs daughter. As we both got older, we found our place in each other through what we were both willing to accept and allow of ourselves  – the kind of acceptance where you hide within pretty words and pretty ideas, never looking deeper because you fear what you might see.  Our relationship had become a series of sweeping reality under the rug so to speak.  Never confronting the Reality of ourself and our world.  So for me this dream was All about showing me to myself and it was quite humbling,  because Everything about it was for me to see as an example of what it’s time to Let Go of.

Artwork By: Maya Harel
Equalmoney33Now this dream came about 10 days after Bernard Poolman‘s passing and it’s interesting because my relationship with Bernard had the obvious thing in common to the relationship I had with my mom in that, it brought me great comfort. Comfort in knowing Bernard Poolman was here and could always be depended upon.  I’d rather say that I didn’t make Bernard out to be a God, but, I kinda did.  I mean, he was the finest example of what a Human being can be as anyone I’ve ever been acquainted with.

So, to be clear, what I’m trying to say is, I see, realize and understand that there’s much to do here within our World. That what must be done here to make Life acceptable is more than any one human alone can accomplish. The fact is, it’s going to take us All to sort out all that we’ve accepted and allowed as what and how our World currently exist. I mean, thousands of children are starving daily and all we can think to do is to keep giving people tons of money to entertain us. That doesn’t make sense that a few should have everything while the majority have little to nothing.

This is what I realized while I was sleeping, that it’s time to Stand Responsible for the Relationship we have with Ourself and Each other.   To Stop living on time as emotions and feelings and reactions.  To Stop looking for Gods and Start Manifesting Heaven on Earth.

It’s time to support each other within the realization that this is our purpose for being here.  To come together and make sure Everyone has Everything they require for a Life of Dignity – that they’re able to Practically care for their Physical body and this Physical Reality.

We’ve got to Give to Humanity the Solution of What’s best for All and Replace our current Money System.

Let’s get it done…

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“I commit myself to show that when the starting point is life equally respected in each other, the fundamental premise to give so that you may receive is immediately grasped to such an extent that irrational fear evaporates.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to restore the common sense trust in the physical reality that is the giver of life, to restore order in an irrational , illusory world of consciousness.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to demonstrate the oneness interdependency between all parts of the physical realm that together form the body that is life through which we have been destroying the Earth, and our life will end and therefore we cannot continue to live as if we are separate of the real reality without permanent consequence.” Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that changing me will not be enough to change the world as it will require the change of everyone, and that if I allow others to not walk the process to life, I submit my life to be imprisoned to their self-interest. Therefore, for my own freedom from abuse I must take self-responsibility automatically for every other human – in their face – until they realize that I will not accept them as my prison warden, and that I will not be their prisoner. I will set me as life free, no matter what it takes.” Bernard Poolman

I re-read this particular self forgiveness written by Bernard Poolman today,  and it dawned on me how I’ve been making my process so much harder for myself. I’ll share an experience that I recently had with one of my children to give an example of how I began to see this.

I was standing there talking with my oldest daughter, one on one, face to face. And, I began to realize how I was having difficulty looking her in the eye as we spoke to each other. I could barely do it. Why not?

confessions of a mom

Asking myself that question is when I began to see myself as this mom/personAlity.  It’s who I become when I’m with her.

God,  as I saw myself, all I could do was stand there and focus on my breath.

Focused on my breathing, I was able to see her in her eyes rather than judge her through the mirrors of my eyes/mind.  I saw in that moment that it was me I was actually judging even as I ‘thought’ I was judging her.

It was then that I realized I was seeing the epitome of my self, like a condensed version of myself and honestly, I didn’t want to see.  No wonder I couldn’t look her in the eye…

I didn’t want to look close enough to see me,  the Self interest I was existing in/as. I didn’t want to see the reflection in the pit of me as what I’ve accepted and allowed in not taking responsibility for myself/my relationships and for the shit storm our world is existing in.  It is not easy to see, to understand how all this has come about, but it’s necessary for me to face because ‘We’ as the World, We’re in serious trouble.

I began to see this as I stood there, and I realized that the very nature of who I’ve been as an automated version/personality of myself, according to who I have believed that I’m supposed to be when I’m around my daughter, my children, it’s not only become extremely uncomfortable for me physically – to try and be that –  it’s also, well, it’s absolutely dishonest and unpractical in every single way.

I see more clearly now than ever before that it’s time for me to put into Action my taking Responsibility for myself, taking responsibility for my Relationships, as well as taking Responsibility for how our current World/Money system exists.  Because the fact is,  I realize that I have Changed within myself thus, I must put that Change into action as who I am Supporting a World according to what’s best for All.

I am No longer willing to accept such a personality/automated character of myself as that which I become in the presence of my daughter/ my children/ my world, because I see, realize and understand with immense clarity that doing so presents absolutely no practical support for myself, for my children, nor for All Life in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be what my child wants me to be and how that fear in itself is the result of my own dishonest behaviors, things I did, who I became in my search for an ‘idea’ about myself.

I commit myself to Stop the search for myself because it’s all been based on an idea within my mind when the fact is the search ends here as I am not lost, I am Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I judge in others as the values they give to how they look and how they act is actually  reflections of/as that which I have placed value in/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming self responsible means that I cannot expect anything less than to give unto All unconditionally that which I myself would want given to me.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that within me I have changed thus I must now walk as the self corrective action to re-design myself in support of life giving to another as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to Not hold this against myself, to give myself the opportunity to change, to see, realize and understand that who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become will require strict self correction and self direction with a commitment to self that I am willing and able to provide for myself,  so that I will become self supportive of life itself,  beginning first with taking self responsibility for what I accept and allow myself to be in every moment, breath by breath.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I have the tools, tools that I accepted as the tools for/as Life some time ago through Desteni and Bernard Poolman,  tools that I committed myself to as I walk my Journey to Life, thus, I re-commit myself to apply such tools practically in every moment and to never forget who I am as living Responsible for myself according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to set me as life free, no matter what it takes, breath by breath.

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“I commit myself to be the parent I must be with my children, so that they will result in the living flesh that is freely life in expression here on Earth.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to walk the time that is required to delete through self-forgiveness from my flesh the abuse that I have allowed the living flesh to become, and then to re-birth myself and gift to my flesh Life, as what is best for all Life, as the living participant, till this is done. Clearly stable, trustworthy, effective, and it results in a world changed to in every way reflect that which is best for all life.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to prepare the way before all children to be that of life by confronting the accepted foundation as parenting of the world system as it reflects in education, religion, government, and all other systems that protect the current abusive parental system until parenting is in fact that which guarantee that in every way every child will always be educated to be that which is best for all life, and through this we will guarantee a world that is best for all.” Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 201 & 202: Like Mother, Like Daughter

My youngest daughter moved back in with us on December 20th of last year, 2012. It had been almost 5 years since the last time she lived with us, which was the first time she moved back home after moving out right after she passed her GED just months before her 18th birthday, almost 2 years prior.  To “The Anti-Reader Personality”, that minute detail will more than likely be extremely unimportant. However, it is undoubtedly an important point for one to consider when one is unravelling and deconstructing the multiple upon multiple personalities and characters that one have existed as during such a time frame.

I mean, our past is always here for us to forgive and walk through.  Instead real change never occurs,  we continue repeating the same cycles of patterns and behaviors –  which are actually just different forms of self-abuse.

Before I began applying the tools provided through Desteni I Process, I wouldn’t have been able to see such points to forgive and become able to walk them through to release through such a practical and giving application.

We all know how ill our emotional patterns with family can leave us feeling and experiencing ourselves within our life.  Where with just the right tone and specific words spoken,  suddenly,  some forgotten, yet familiar backchat and internal conversation returns.  When that happens we  have two choices: we can either become energetically charged as an automated response pattern/ reaction – which only serves to take us further into our mind and back to the way we were, are, and have always been – stuck in emotional turmoil and personal self-avoidance. Or, we can see such moments as the gift that they are and within that who self really is and how vital it really is to slow oneself down and breathe.

What I’ve noticed is how easy it is to want to hurry and when we hurry we’re not breathing. When we’re not breathing, who we are as our mind slips into automation, old patterns, and here specifically, the mother/ daughter design construct. It’s like re-reading the same book or re-watching the same movie over and over and expecting something new or different to happen every time.

So I’m realizing that I am capable of redesigning who I am and that I can direct myself according to what’s best for all, because when I get a glimpse of myself in self-honesty, I become aware of the importance of releasing the never-ending cycles of generations upon generations of strife – as that which we’ve all existed as. And, I realize it’s going to require a willingness to ‘Let-go’, to thus give back to myself that which I’m willing to forgive myself of through redesigning  who I am from within to without.  To once-and-for-all Stop the past patterns of me as my mind that I have existed as within the mother/daughter relationship construct and to begin to actually walk this Journey to Life in/as the shoes of another.  Thus I will begin here in keeping it simple.
Like Mother Like Daughter
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being specific and for how the very meaning of specificity and becoming it in walking my process makes my entire body want to squirm and tense up and retreat thus, I commit myself to slowing myself down and giving me to me as the gift of seeing and hearing and remaining aware of me from the inside out as me as my physical body and mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having negative thoughts and for seeking positive thoughts as a way of deceiving myself into an alternate reality of feel good that actually only exists within my mind and in separation of what is actually here within and as me as my physical world/reality/body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reach for pretty pictures within my mind in an attempt to avoid experiencing the negative energetic charge that I often felt as a mother during those times when I was sure that I would fail, that I wouldn’t have the Courage to Not become what I beLIEved everyone wanted and needed me to be according to the picture image within my mind within and as the memories I have stored of the relationship between my mother and me and her mother and hers and so on for generation after generation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within myself in a way that triggers me to compare myself to other people’s behaviors, where I teeter back and forth between superiority and inferiority using opinions as definitions within which to remain stuck in a belief system of what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang onto memories that manifest emotional physical pain within and as my physical body because I fear that  I won’t know what to do if I forgive myself and let them go.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to argue for my limitations wherein I believe that I am the best that I can be and thus have accepted my life and my world as it is as less than giving because giving life Equally to all is determined only through laboring oneself day in and day out in order to earn money for one’s right to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and internal conversations of: ‘Oh no, not again, I can’t do this,  and I don’t want to’ because I see, realize and understand that in doing so I am instructing myself to change accordingly, thus telling myself that it’s alright to excuse, justify and give myself reason to remain existing as the very thoughts that continue to enslave me in and as ego, discontent and ultimately self-loathing and playing blame games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate myself in a crisis mode so much so that I experience a sort of separation anxiety within my physical body to the extent that I physically manifest pain surrounding the area of my upper back and into my chest and heart area.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as consciousness by arguing for my own limitation where through reacting instead of directing I restrict myself  from actually changing who and what I am and how I live, thus limiting myself from actually living the solutions that will ultimately assist us in changing the nature of who we are as Limitation.

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing and investigating who I am in specificity and clarity as I deconstruct who I am within and as the mother/daughter relationship.
peas in a pod
I commit myself to embrace the specificity of details through walking my process of self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that it’s OK to Forgive myself and let-go during those moments when I see that I am hanging onto the emotional and physical pain that exists as a memory within and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop keeping score.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself to others based upon judgment within the ‘belief’ that there’s a difference between their behavior and mine in that my behavior is right and their behavior is wrong, when in fact there is no right or wrong way to act because that would mean that life can never be anything but a competition, a role playing, an act, when the facts remain clear in that we all exist here together on this Earth, which for me is proof that the Principle of Equality exists here with us as the very Nature of who we are within and as our Physical Body/World/Reality/Existence.

I commit myself to stop and breathe and walk the corrective application in correcting who I am as my mind of patterns and constructs that exists between my daughter and me within and as the mother/child relationship to one that resembles what it is to give as you would like to receive, to thus inevitably change the nature of self as self walks as a living example of what it is to exist within a world where All relationships become Agreements that will support Life to reach it’s fullest potential as Heaven on Earth according to the Principle of Equality.

I commit myself to stop participating in the backchat and internal conversations that I have become aware of with regards to my daughter because I see, realize and understand that when I participate, I am actually arguing for my limitations and instead I breathe and direct myself to walk this point through in self-corrective application.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to go into crisis mode because I see, realize and understand that doing so is an energetic boost similar to what a vampire would do in that it sucks the life out of everyone and everything. I commit myself to accept and allow myself the opportunity to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to remaining aware of the fact that within every moment of breath is the opportunity to redesign who I am as my Physical/Mind/Body according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to really communicating with others without having other mind processes activating while I am in their presence and to really hear what they’re saying/expressing.

I commit myself to redesigning myself into a human being who is able to express oneself without demeaning and undermining others in the process.

“Place yourself in the shoes of another, and make sure you are Willing to Live That Life.” Bernard Poolman

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Suggest Hearing:

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race – Part 1 

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race – Part 2

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race – Part 3

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Join the forum:
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