Tag Archive | design

Day 253: While I was Sleeping…

While I was sleeping the other night I had this dream, it had my mom in it. My mom passed away almost 11 years ago and after doing a Mother-Daughter Mind Construct through Desteni I Process some 2 years ago, I’ve not dreamt about her since. So this was interesting to have this dream because I rarely dream and so when I do, I’ve been able to use it to assist myself in my process. This particular dream assisted me to realize something while I was sleeping. Here‘s how:

In my dream, me and my mom were looking at stuffed animals, specifically stuffed animals that could electronically move which caused them to be especially ‘life like’. Now, when my mom was alive, she didn’t really care about owning a Real-Life dog or a cat, but she loved buying the toy like stuffed animals and would place them throughout her entire house.

It’s strange to look at this point with the memories of myself back then. I mean, at the time I was in love with how she collected so many knick-knacks, like stuffed animals and such. She created an environment that represented coziness and comfort for me within my mind. This was how I experienced myself in my dream,  I was Witness to how I was being comforted by my mom’s spending habits!  Comforted by the ‘things’ my mom collected. Her ‘pretty’s’ as she called them. For me, her collections, was like having one’s own game of thrones.

I saw how when I would walk into her house, I felt like the world wasn’t gonna eat me alive. I felt safe within the ‘idea in my mind‘ that ‘this is my mom’s house’, my home, and no matter how much I screw up/ fall, mom will always be here to pick up the pieces for me – to show me the way. As that, I didn’t know the first thing about taking responsibility for myself much less take responsibility for how our World exists.  When I investigate the ‘real’ relationship my mom and I had, it wasn’t anything like what my mind would have had me believe.

The reality was, my mom and I simply existed in personality designs as mother vs daughter. As we both got older, we found our place in each other through what we were both willing to accept and allow of ourselves  – the kind of acceptance where you hide within pretty words and pretty ideas, never looking deeper because you fear what you might see.  Our relationship had become a series of sweeping reality under the rug so to speak.  Never confronting the Reality of ourself and our world.  So for me this dream was All about showing me to myself and it was quite humbling,  because Everything about it was for me to see as an example of what it’s time to Let Go of.

Artwork By: Maya Harel
Equalmoney33Now this dream came about 10 days after Bernard Poolman‘s passing and it’s interesting because my relationship with Bernard had the obvious thing in common to the relationship I had with my mom in that, it brought me great comfort. Comfort in knowing Bernard Poolman was here and could always be depended upon.  I’d rather say that I didn’t make Bernard out to be a God, but, I kinda did.  I mean, he was the finest example of what a Human being can be as anyone I’ve ever been acquainted with.

So, to be clear, what I’m trying to say is, I see, realize and understand that there’s much to do here within our World. That what must be done here to make Life acceptable is more than any one human alone can accomplish. The fact is, it’s going to take us All to sort out all that we’ve accepted and allowed as what and how our World currently exist. I mean, thousands of children are starving daily and all we can think to do is to keep giving people tons of money to entertain us. That doesn’t make sense that a few should have everything while the majority have little to nothing.

This is what I realized while I was sleeping, that it’s time to Stand Responsible for the Relationship we have with Ourself and Each other.   To Stop living on time as emotions and feelings and reactions.  To Stop looking for Gods and Start Manifesting Heaven on Earth.

It’s time to support each other within the realization that this is our purpose for being here.  To come together and make sure Everyone has Everything they require for a Life of Dignity – that they’re able to Practically care for their Physical body and this Physical Reality.

We’ve got to Give to Humanity the Solution of What’s best for All and Replace our current Money System.

Let’s get it done…

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“I commit myself to show that when the starting point is life equally respected in each other, the fundamental premise to give so that you may receive is immediately grasped to such an extent that irrational fear evaporates.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to restore the common sense trust in the physical reality that is the giver of life, to restore order in an irrational , illusory world of consciousness.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to demonstrate the oneness interdependency between all parts of the physical realm that together form the body that is life through which we have been destroying the Earth, and our life will end and therefore we cannot continue to live as if we are separate of the real reality without permanent consequence.” Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

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Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!

This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.

What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.

I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings

I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.

Day 57: Declining Blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manipulate myself and others according to the relationship I have with myself within my mind of thoughts and according to how I use feelings and emotional games where I justify abusing myself and others for the sake of having a positive and/or negative experience of myself that ultimately only matters to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and utilize the feelings and emotions of others to keep score against them in my pursuit to have an experience of myself according to a belief of myself as being superior and/or inferior and how when all my attempts fall through, I then place blame outside of myself instead of facing me directly as the cause for the affect of myself according to how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to position myself as more than another using money as the determining factor where within myself I use money against another to be the cause for my blaming them, when in fact I had already set the stage for another to fail in order to validate my agenda according to how I keep score.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny that which I witnessed within myself as a backchat thought of dishonesty in setting the stage for my blame game where I knew if only for a split second exactly what I was doing but I didn’t stop. I see/realize and understand that when and as I become aware of me as a resonant pattern of blame in supporting a polarity equation where I keep score against others according to how I’m experiencing myself as negative and/or positive I stop, I breathe. I direct me here as the directive principle of me according to what’s best for all.

Art by Adam Closs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score according to a negative and/or positive experience that I wanted to have of myself instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that within my expectations to/towards how I experience myself I am in actuality the only one who is creating an experience of myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that battles, wars and terrorism occur because of blaming others instead of taking self-responsibility for our inner selves which manifests as our outer world/existence as ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through blaming others for how I experience myself haven’t realized that in doing so I am devaluing others through superiority in support of me as self-interest/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is used to manipulate others into blaming instead of standing together in support of a world where living exists for the sole purpose of supporting one another according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I In fact, step by step created a polarity conflict resonance design that became a relationship experience within myself to/towards my daughter and her boyfriend and is in fact how I create experiences of myself within relationships within and as the resonance design of blame in and as a polarity conflict experience.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to place a negative score/ charge to/towards another: I immediately stop, I Breathe. I assert myself to practically re-look within the context of me, the situation and consider all points/parts practically in self-honesty, equal and one, and I will not immediately jump to a conclusion by/through accepting and allowing and defining myself within and as a negative/positive score/charge to/towards another.

I commit myself to stop myself as the resonant design of blame where I manipulate and keep score against others as I attempt to ensure positive experiences for/of myself.

I commit myself to remain diligent in breathing in awareness of me to check myself daily and apply self-forgiveness for resonant patterns of blame within polarity points of friction in attempts to maintain myself within experiences of myself and to direct myself according to living as/to life a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through proper education such as with Desteni I Process we can stop and become the directive principle of ourselves in self-honesty and thus create a world according to what’s best for all as Heaven on Earth.

Day 56: Spitfire & the Cold Shoulder

Self-forgiveness for my recent reaction/spite and blame to/towards my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a polarity equation where I reacted in turning a cold shoulder in spite to/towards my partner blaming him for how I was having a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as having done something wrong when in fact I was reacting in anger towards avoiding facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger towards my partner when the inner experience of myself was one of existing within a negative polarity experience of spiting myself for avoiding facing myself within a point of blame, where instead of facing myself in self-honesty and walking the point through in self-forgiveness, I sidestepped it with the cold shoulder of spite where I blamed my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and criticize my partner for how he’s walking his process when in fact, I’m having doubts about myself and my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn to manipulation where I manipulate my partner into an agreement that it’s because of him that I feel the way I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off finishing a lesson in SRA because I found it difficult to push through what I see was me acting within and as blame, spite and animosity.


Shoulder for me sounds like:
soldier
SOULd her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my partner the cold shoulder within the polarity of spitefire, using the words ‘I told you so’, as a weapon of words, when in fact I’m acting on the outside according to the relationship I’m having internally with myself according to the direction of my mind as a resonant pattern that I’ve existed as in blaming others for how I experience myself that I’ve acted as since I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity points of love/hate, right/wrong and positive/negative where within that I have SOULd myself to the dEVIL of fire and brimstone creating eternal punishments in hell within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like the soldier in battle where inside I am battling with myself, but bringing the war going on inside to the outside and facing off in blame and spite towards another in the line of my spitfire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct anger to/towards another and/or my partner even when as I see that I’m the cause that I’ve been attempting to fault another and/or my partner with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for my whole life be a blamoholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing and forgiving me as who I am as a resonant design of keeping score in/as blame, animosity and spite where I blame others for how I’m experiencing myself because I fear facing me.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of keeping score in blame, animosity and spite, I stop. I breathe. I direct me here in realizing that I’ve existed in and as the same pattern over and over and it no longer serves who I am becoming through self-forgivenes.

I commit myself to stop who I am in blame, animosity and spite through self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to Not give up on me.
I commit myself to Not give up on Life itself.
I commit myself to understanding and forgiving who I am in polarity.
I commit myself to showing that real living as life has never yet been lived here on Earth but has only been existent through the mind as lived in reverse as the Devil.
I commit myself to show that self-forgiveness and self-honesty is the key to self living Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for all.

(To be continued as I’m forgiving and walking through my current SRA Lesson through Desteni I Process.)