Tag Archive | earth

Day 284: Redefining and Commitment to Living ‘Grace’

When I looked within myself at how I’ve lived the word ‘grace’, I could see that although I completely comprehend how we as a society have defined it, such as in ‘merriam-webster’:

: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward
: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving
graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations

I hadn’t really ever considered what living the word ‘grace’ may look like or mean.  In fact, when I looked at how I felt inside myself when I looked at the word ‘grace’, what I saw was a feeling of awkwardness and an almost stumbling within myself, like a ‘not knowing’ so to speak.

So I realized that I’ve never really considered that I’ve not only the ability to redefine who I am as ‘grace’, but I’ve also the responsibility to do so.  In doing so, one like’s to think it would be easy to redefine who one is as ‘grace’, however, asking oneself important questions like ‘what does it mean to live the word ‘grace’ and, ‘what would that mean being for oneself, one’s body, and way of living‘?

It’s not an easy question to answer or live as because who we are as our mind depends upon things from our outside world to stimulate and entertain us, so it requires a slowing down within oneself in order to assist oneself effectively.
grace
When I first began to focus on and redefine myself as ‘grace’, it was cool, but kind of surprising when I realized just how much I reLIEd upon the energy I would get when I’d participate in any way in the bizarre little personal attacks on myself that I was accepting as backchat within my mind.

It’s cool when you commit to investigating these things that are going on within your mind, you begin to see just how ridiculous it all is – like the small sentences of backchat where in your head your hearing things like, ‘you can’t do this’, ‘I’m tired‘, ‘your getting to old for that’, etc, all of which add up to some serious self-judgments and suppression.

So as I’ve been walking this point in real-time – forgiving myself for the self-loathing and self-critical way of thinking, and forgiving myself for allowing myself to be controlled to such a degree where I’ve been motivated to move myself by and as my mind – which is in itself physically exhausting and proof how damaging our thought processes are on our physical body.

Instead of allowing that, I directed myself to stop and forgive myself, so when a self-judgment thought would come up or re-occur, I would stop, breathe and focus on giving myself ‘grace’, remaining aware of what that means and feels like to give myself ‘grace’ as self support.

After a few days, the backchat attack began to raise doubts because my mind as consciousness was losing controls so it used fear through the words, ‘your body can’t handle this’.  That’s when within me, it was like my physical body as me Stood Up, and I saw how when those thoughts came up my entire physical body became tense and uncomfortable and I became aware of how my bottom lip sought to hold down my upper lip real tight like, so I used that as an awareness, a flag if you will to provide assistance for myself to know it’s time to stop and breathe!  Within that I began to recognize who I am as my physical body within and as ‘Grace’,  and how when I allow myself ‘Grace’ my entire inside relaxes in clarity.

So, it’s been a few weeks now since I began investigating this point and I’m realizing who I am as ‘grace’ is becoming of me more and more – where ‘grace’ is a soft place within where I flow comfortably through and as my entire physical body, and within that a great gift emerged in that within and as ‘Grace’, self-judgments towards myself and others cannot and does not exist.

And so I see an opportunity that’s opened up here for me to see, realize and understand what it means to Life the word ‘Grace’ into and as myself and our entire World System within and as All of Existence.

Therefore, I commit myself to direct myself to move myself with an awareness to change what I’ve been accepting and allowing within my world – through self-forgiveness I let go the paranoia that has been placed as control and created around religion and how living the word ‘grace’ throughout our lives became identified with the idea of a “God watching over us” or a “God who knows best” attitude as another way to justify spirituality and the paranoia around it to the extreme – I further commit myself to take actions that prevent harm to All Living beings, to get to the point of having the ‘Grace’ to consider the common good for All Life through a Living Income Proposal, to ensure All the opportunity of Living Life in accordance to what’s Best for All to become part of the way Life exist on Earth.

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“Politics is the Fascinating Interesting thing that is In Fact Legitimate and Legal as a way to Change the World, simply by Voting or Getting Involved in Creating Political Parties that Actually Present a Constitutional Bill of Rights, Ensuring that All Laws that exist are Aligned to that, Ensuring that All Necessary Preventions that Ensures a Life that is Best for All Happens on Earth – those kind of stuff all Happen through Politics, through Government. And Government is Not ‘Evil,’ Government is the Product of The People. If Governments are ‘Evil’ as so many Paranoids Claim, then They’re Evil because They are the Ones that Created the Government in the first place, they don’t have an Alternative = that’s quite a Problem. One Shouldn’t Judge: You Should Look for Solutions and Alternatives.

As long as You Have No solutions and Alternatives = You are Judging.

If You Have a Solution and Alternative = it’s No Longer a Judgment, it is Then Common Sense Reasoning.” Bernard Poolman

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Investigate

The Living Income Proposal

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it was Critical for the Successful Design of Consumerism as Resource Control by the few to get Personal Effort to be SUBJECT to the GRACE of an INVISIBLE GOD to which ALL SUCCESS was ATTRIBUTED, to make sure the Human will ACCEPT Personal Self-Interest as a RIGHT as SINNER to be able to Indulge and Feed Consumerism without feeling Guilty, as a Saviour or Messiah will come or has died for the SINNER that CANNOT Help but being SINFUL by Consuming. In this an INVISIBLE PACT was created between Consumerism and Religion with Consumers FUNDING Religion as a way of Passing for Penance as the 7th Day of Confession and Forgiveness – Creating a Human that Accepts as the Core of the Human: EVIL, that Cannot be Conquered by Self, but only through a Divine force.

 

I commit myself to show that the Human’s acceptance of themselves as inherently Evil can in fact be conquered by Self and does NOT require a Divine Force or Forgiveness from an Imaginary God, but requires the courage to be Self Honest, to dare oneself to care, and to give oneself the gift of Self-Forgiveness.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

sly

So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Investigate Living Income Guaranteed

Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

For Context Please Read:

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to something and/or someone within an illusion in my mind where I have believed that the nature of abuse within the relationship will forever remain, I stop. Instead I breathe, I see, realize and understand that my mind fears losing the relationship because I have formed a pattern of and as it through my acceptance, when in reality, I am aware that I AM able to change the nature of who I am as the abuse to one that honors All Life unconditionally, equally as one.

I commit myself to stop participating when I see myself wanting to hold on to the specific mother/daughter connection/relationship that I have with my daughter/children in order to solidify who I’ve been within and as superiority because I see, realize and understand that the power of control I’ve demanded over my children has only created a restraint upon their self expression as well as my own. I commit myself to Stop.

I commit myself to direct myself to stop who I am as anger and spite because I see, realize and understand that to remain acting as such is a total disregard for life itself and I realize that I’m not actually angry at anyone or anything but myself, that I’m actually angry and spiteful within for how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my mind in total disregard for who I am as my physical body and for the consequences that doing so creates within and as my world/physical body and reality.

I commit myself to Stop reacting in cycles of abusive patterns of reaction to/towards my daughter/children because I see, realize and understand that I am aware of when the anger rises from within my solar plexus and I understand that I have that moment in breath where I can direct myself to change the very nature of the relationship to one that is supportive, giving and celebratory.

I commit myself to stop my personal self interest and to stop myself from going into a traumatized state of mind when I see that my relationship with someone is changing and instead I commit myself to investigate and practice introspecting with regards to what it is that I have learned from the relationship and how has the relationship enriched my mind, myself and my life and living.
EqualifeI commit myself to slowing down, to breathe, and to in self honesty really look at the relationships within my life and actually learn from them and through learning from them change my living and my behavior.

I commit myself to opening up a connection with my daughter/children to see, realize and understand that it’s opening up within me a particular part of me or a particular expression, or a particular characteristic that I had not yet recognized inside myself that I have accessed through the relationship and I commit myself to allow myself to see the unique expression that each relationship I have with another is a gift for me to recognize about myself.

I commit myself to investigate what is my daughter/my child showing of me that I haven’t recognized or lived within myself and what is it of me that I am accessing in relationship with them and in that to see the gift they are giving.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop the mind relationship where I attach another into my mind and make them a part of an energetic episode of spite and anger, to thus stop my fear of things changing and/or stopping the projection of things changing, and to instead live in the moment, to see what I can learn from others from myself everyday and to make the most out of every moment of breath so that together we can focus on changing our world to one where All abuse and suffering such as poverty can be stopped, because in seeing ourselves in another we will learn/accept the gift of giving as we’d like to receive.

I commit myself to be more directive in my life with regards to the relationships within my life, to become more intimate and grateful for the gifts that the connections these relationships have afforded me throughout my life.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that All Education and Intellect on Earth is Based on the Foundation of Ignorance to Disregard the fact that the Initial Instructions of a New Born Child were Inadequate and thus at Root Cause for a World and Society that live in Ways that Do Not Honor Life or Each other, but only Honor Survival as Successful Living.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” Bernard Poolman

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Support Living Income Guaranteed

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How to Successfully Commit to the Relationship

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Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

For Context Please Read: Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to and not want to let things go within the nature of abuse existent in and as those I have formed relationships with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to something and/or someone within my mind within an illusion where I believe the nature of the relationship will forever remain as the illusion I’ve created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the specific connection with my daughter in order to solidify who I am within and as superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let go of who I become in superiority in the presence of my daughter in/as anger and spite that a part of me will die even though I existed even before the connection between us was there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and create the illusion that who I am as anger and spite will never change.

Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

letting go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the relationship I have with my daughter for fear that if I let go and change the nature of our relationship that then I won’t have a relationship with her at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how my relationship is with my daughter is how the relationship will always be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to and cycle within the same abusive patterns toward my daughter over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the relationship I have with my daughter to how I see that other mother/daughter relationships exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up mentally, emotionally and physically to be traumatized when something changes within my world and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in how I reacted and/or responded to things changing within my relationship to my daughter and/or to other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control my daughter and/or another being, another beings mind or their life because in fact I have no idea what they have planned for themselves and their life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the connection I have with my daughter where a long time ago I projected my ideas and beliefs and plans for her life onto her, when really, they were the plans of my mind and have thus been held in self-interest and motivated in feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the drama that I’ve bestowed upon my children while I sought to control them through superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to be grateful and celebratory of my children because of my lack of understanding of the connection between myself and my children within my mind which lead me to go into a point of a personal self interest when the relationship changes instead of investigating how having the relationship has enriched my life and living.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that letting go is stopping the fear of loss and lonelyness and inner struggle.

more to come…

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“Who we are Today as Humanity started at Home, it started in each one’s Personal Life, it started in Your Thoughts and How you made Those Thoughts Physical and How you have Taken that Into your Personal and Interpersonal-Relationships and How you Took that into the Universal Relationship of What is Acceptable in this World.

So: Do Thoughts Create Reality? No, but In a situation where Thought is Not Understood, Can One Create Reality with Thought? Certainly. The Problem is that If one takes the Personal into the Universal you will create the Same Issues You have Within-You in the Bigger System, but it is Not Reality, it is the Illusion because Thought is an Illusion. So: Can Thought Create an Illusion? Yes, certainly, that’s what it Really Does, it Doesn’t Create Reality.

Reality is that there are a Lot of Beings on Earth All Essentially from the Origin of Life with Equal Life within Each One, If one Applies that at the Personal, Interpersonal and Universal Level, you will have a World of Harmony and Peace because one will Care about Another and as much as You would Care about Yourself, You Will Give to Another as You Would Like to Receive Yourself. You would be Balanced Human and You Will Not have an Illusion that Controls Who You Are at a Personal Level, who you are in the Interpersonal Level and Who you Become within the Universal Level.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

My daughter said to me today, she said mom, you’re just ‘Mean’. Her and her partner and my 3 year old granddaughter have been living with us for almost a year and having them here has been quite the challenge for us all but still, to hear her say those words to me wasn’t easy. It really wasn’t surprising to hear because it’s a point that I avoid facing in myself. It’s actually a point of spitefulness and anger and I’m aware that I often exist as such toward her and for that matter toward the world in general. Still, it’s a point I try and cover up, and it’s one I’ve avoided because to realize it about myself is uncomfortable to say the least.

It’s like if I look at it then I’ll have to let it go and I’m afraid of letting go so instead I run away and hide in emotional suppression and in the past I’ve used various addictions/behaviors and/or I’ve become so good at distracting myself that I’ve never given myself the opportunity to see this point through to release it. It’s strange to realize that something so self deMeaning is actually something I fear letting go of.

no more

So it’s time that I ask myself what am I running away from? And why am I accepting the illusion of fear that whoever I’ve become I cannot change?The fact is, a long time ago when I was very young, it was like everything got heavy inside and out, and I began to turn to my thoughts and the imagination of my mind for comfort and to make decisions for me, to decide who I was to become. In doing so I suppressed myself into and as my mind and I became very angry at myself and spiteful for doing so. I quickly learned to direct that anger and spite onto the people in my life and I even created addictions to drugs such as weed and ultimately manifested the polarity of running away and not doing anything but kept myself in the illusion of “just being” when in actuality, I only sunk deeper and deeper into and as my mind in anger and spite.

Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

It’s an interesting point to come face to face with because the closer I look I realize that it is this very point that has kept me from facing my fear of dying that my having cancer has brought with it. I realize now that I can let go of the anger and spite and face my fear of death only as I first forgive myself and release that which I’ve already lived as. Because how can we ever fully overcome our fear of death if we’ve not yet understood the ‘Meaning’ and the Purpose of Life and the only way to do that is to first in self-honesty, go within to the beginning and face who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become… This will require patience and no more waiting.

More to come.

“Patience is a stand within and as oneself where one knows when one has to step back, wait and when one has to act. Patience is to know when to let something / someone go for a moment / a while and when to hold on. Patience is a stand within and as oneself, where – despite not knowing what the outcomes may be: one continue walking / standing here…” ~Sunette Spies, Practical Desteni

Day 257: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Breast Cancer Awareness Month – Day 34

October kicks off with something called ‘The National Breast Cancer Awareness Month’ (NBCAM), which is basically where numerous public service organizations, the medical establishment and government agencies come together to promote breast cancer awareness. Now this whole thing began more than 25 years ago when the National Cancer Institute (NCI) began to raise money to fund their seemingly never ending research into Cancer.

“The Establishment politicians passed legislation to declare WAR upon CANCER. Thus, they went to Fort Detrick and took down the U.S. Army Chemical and Biological Warfare department SIGN. They then placed two signs on the front gate of the facility: on the left, NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE (NCI), and on the right, WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO). This was and is properly ballyhooed by the Establishment Media, and financed to the tune of several hundred Billion Dollars yearly from American taxpayers.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

breast cancer aawarenessThe deception runs deep so, I suggest this October, as we begin Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we educate ourselves about what it is we’re actually supporting. I mean, has it come to our awareness as to how much money the elite officials of these organizations earn yearly?

How much of the money raised goes to assist those who actually have cancer? Very little…And, Is the research these funded corporations claim they are doing, has it made any real difference in the Prevention of Cancer? The fact is, the cost of prevention has not even brought about a decrease in Cancer.

In fact, the odds of who will get cancer now, compared to 25 years ago, has actually increased to almost 1 in every 2 people. At the moment, my family is an example of the reality of those facts because in April of this year, (2013), I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then just 2 weeks ago my cousin who’s in her early 40’s, was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. And then just two weeks later, my aunt who’s in her early 70’s, (the mother of my cousin who has thyroid cancer), she was just diagnosed with cancer in both her breasts.  That’s 3 family members who all in the same year have now been diagnosed with Cancer.

So Cancer,  is on the increase. Yet strangely enough we continue to fund the research and accept the current established treatment for Cancer the same way we’ve always done. Not realizing that we’re living the consequences of those decisions and seeing an increase in Cancer.

I mean, to hell with pink.   The statistics should be a red flag for us to question whether or not we’ve reached any Real point of Awareness about how and why our Physical body gets Cancer. So, what is going on within Our Society and Why is Cancer on the increase?

We will find the answer to our question as we take a closer look at the organizations whose research we’re currently funding. In this we can know who is making money off of people getting cancer?

The fact is, no one is providing a solution to Cancer that can be equally available and given to everyone according to what’s best for all.

We’re not yet aware of how much of what we eat and breathe and consume – how All of That – contributes to how our body processes and provides for itself. It’s time we asked how is our consumer-money-drivin lives creating the very disease everyone is scared as hell to be diagnosed with.

Alright so the fact is, we’ve got to Educate ourselves about how and why these organizations are being supported when the facts prove that they are part of the problem, instead of the solution.

“In short, the cancer victims of today face the Establishment enemy within, who are relentless and determined to Plunder and Kill you at any cost. ‘False Hope’ is not my objective. To be realistic, we have two enemies, CANCER and the ESTABLISHMENT. 

There will never be a CURE for Cancer until the Establishment can accomplish their objectives by permitting it. Their primary goals are money and control. What big conglomerate will get the blessings of the Big Establishment? Nothing happens on the world scene that is not planned and designed by The Big Establishment.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

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Suggest The Following:

Charity and Activism – why is it a Capitalistic Scheme – Overview – Day 293 

Day 100 – The REAL Veracity of Philanthropy

Day 257: Charity – Celebration of Human Selfishness

Day 81 Crime’s Journey to Life – Charity as Entertainment

Day 158: Prevention is the Best Cure

157. Wishing Well as Self Interest

287. You get Happy with your Paycheck?

Day 79: Charity will not end Poverty

Day 20: The Insanity of Economics – Food Aid Does Not Help the Poor

2012 – Stop Suppression to Stop Possession: Dare to Share 

Human Chains

Day 350: A Living Income Guaranteed will End Charity – for Real

Day 148: Swopping Places

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Day 39: Is Charity Greed?

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that charity has been abused by the corporations to promote their products and distribute them to the poor – while the corporation, at the same time, benefit from tax benefits which place more pressure on the community at large with tax requirements to meet the budgets of a failed system.

I commit myself to show that charity is a criminal act that condemns the poor to a Life of failure and early death because the charitable will not give up their control and will justify the abuse through supporting a failed system in spite of the clear certainty that the system has failed.

I commit myself to question the integrity of activists, and to remind activists that activism should be about a new world system that is best for all life always, and that any activist that cannot stand for what is best, is in fact only an extension of the system of greed that has failed Life in every way.” Bernard Poolman

Day 255: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Energy of Reward – Day 33

I’m not dead yet, but me as my mind thinks I might as well be. What is that? What is this weekly pattern inside my head that wants me to pay attention to such nonsense when it isn’t even real? This I’ve identified as the energy of reward and it’s very deceptive.  It goes like this,,,

Today my partner called to say that he’s been invited to a supper this evening as sort of a thank you for his years of donating blood. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what the dinner is for. The fact is, when I heard that he wouldn’t be home till much later than normal, I felt this rush of energy surge through the center of me. It was like the energy of reward with a bizarre twist on myself as if to say ‘I told you so’. And, within my secret mind all I could hear was, ‘but, what about me’?

Fortunately I’ve been walking the Desteni I Process which has assisted me to identify obsessive patterns and with the tools I’ve learned I can stop myself as who I am as my mind. The problem is, or rather the thing is, I have to be consistent in directing myself because me as my mind doesn’t really want to stop participating in the energy of reward.

Artwork by: Matti Freeman
system error Ok so continuing… When my partner said he’d be late, I became aware of the thoughts of, ‘what about me’? And then I started to cry but quickly stopped and breathed.

So instead of participating in thoughts in my head, I began to share with my partner about how I was experiencing myself. How I’m in a pattern where in my mind, ‘I feel like I get No human contact/interaction’. How by the time my partner gets home from work, he’s ‘all talked out’. How at the end of the day I’m left here waiting/wanting,,, wait

Did I just hear myself? I had to stop. I could hear myself and in my physical body I became extremely uncomfortable. I began to see how my words, my tonality, everything about who I was acting as, just didn’t fit anymore as who I am willing to be…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the energy of reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I must have others in my life for my own selfish entertainment, as a way to validate myself because that’s what keeps me from seeing who and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become as the energy of reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my mind take control of me to such a degree that if I don’t get an energetic charge through/as the energy of reward as validation coming from others, then I become angry and ill willed toward myself and others as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be an energy seeker of rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as my mind must behave in/as an energetic high or low and if and when I ‘feel’ inside my mind that I’m not getting my specific reward then I will secretly plot against myself in an attempt to obtain the reward.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the insanity in believing myself as my mind seeking to be rewarded and when I don’t receive my reward by way of entertainment and/or approval of others, then me as my mind will tell myself to give up, it’s not worth it.  However, I see, realize and understand that these are just thoughts seeking energy and that I as the Directive Principle of Me, as who I Am as Life, have the ability to Stop myself as them, and to Direct myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed life as I live it to become a routine,  wherein I seek to maintain an energetic reward as a personality and/or character of/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing who I really am through buying into a reward system which I use to hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as an alternate reality within my mind where I compete with and manipulate myself and others just for the energy of reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of ‘I can’t do this treatment plan for cancer anymore’ and within that for believing myself as being depressed and/or feeling sorry for myself, because I see, realize and understand that when I breathe and stop participating in such thought patterns, I am able to be here with myself and with what is real as my Physical body and Physical reality, and within that I see, realize and understand that there is nowhere to be except here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the most important thing about life in that when who I am as my mind shows up, nothing and no one else matters except me, me, me, and as that I harbor an unidentified anger and aggression/suppression towards myself for ignoring how others are experiencing themselves as abused within our current world/money system and for the fear I accept and allow within myself when I fear seeing the abuse and suffering within our world.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself as my mind throwing a silent tantrum within myself as I seek for an energetic reward, where I tell myself that my cancer treatment plan isn’t worth it, I Stop, I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have removed from myself the energetic rewards that I have become accustomed to through foods and/or drugs and/or entertainment, thus, me as my mind doesn’t know what to do without them, therefore, I see, realize and understand that this Is a pattern that I can re-design out of myself thus,  I commit myself to walk the self correction.

I commit myself to change my morning routine to where I am able to be more flexable within and as my Physical reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself as my mind wanting to ‘feel sorry for myself’ I Stop, I Breathe.  I see, realize and understand that no matter where I am, I am Here. Thus I Commit myself to walk the self corrective application of re-designing myself free from the engergy of reward and to instead Direct myself within the Principle of What’s Best for All.

I commit myself to Stop who I am as a needy energy seeker of rewards.

I commit myself to stop how I separate myself from others and my world through competition/reward, money and greed.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am Not dead yet, that I am breathing, that I Am able and willing to stop who I am as my mind through breathing and becoming the Self Directive principle of me as all as one as equal.

I Commit myself to Stop the war within myself first so to Stop the war that exists within and as and between us each other.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how the war I wage within myself is the same as the war I see that exists without – within our world against each other.

I Commit myself to continue this Journey to Physical Wellness, to Stop the Beast as breast cancer as I continue my Journey to Life.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a consumer within my mind, scheming and planning the business of my life to make sure I get as many rewards as possible to show that I have a profitable life, regardless how it would impact my fellow humans or Life on Earth in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard my business as happiness goals as the only interest myself must be busy with to make sure I have a rewarding life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I have separated myself from the business of Life by regarding Life only in terms of the Mind as the primary goals as the interest of self that must be rewarded to feel and experience value.

I commit myself to show that happiness is in fact a mental social disease of self-interest that makes war on Life through REWARDS.

I commit myself to train that which is life to be equal to the mind-self to thusly take directive principle and restore Life to Earth in every way.

I commit myself to explain the machine as the mind to such specificity that the Truth of this imposter with its spawn as Consciousness can be seen for what it is.

I commit myself to restore compassion for Life on Earth where the ones with Creator ability will protect those with a lesser ability as a Matter of Life!” Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life