Day 284: Redefining and Commitment to Living ‘Grace’

When I looked within myself at how I’ve lived the word ‘grace’, I could see that although I completely comprehend how we as a society have defined it, such as in ‘merriam-webster’:

: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward
: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving
graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations

I hadn’t really ever considered what living the word ‘grace’ may look like or mean.  In fact, when I looked at how I felt inside myself when I looked at the word ‘grace’, what I saw was a feeling of awkwardness and an almost stumbling within myself, like a ‘not knowing’ so to speak.

So I realized that I’ve never really considered that I’ve not only the ability to redefine who I am as ‘grace’, but I’ve also the responsibility to do so.  In doing so, one like’s to think it would be easy to redefine who one is as ‘grace’, however, asking oneself important questions like ‘what does it mean to live the word ‘grace’ and, ‘what would that mean being for oneself, one’s body, and way of living‘?

It’s not an easy question to answer or live as because who we are as our mind depends upon things from our outside world to stimulate and entertain us, so it requires a slowing down within oneself in order to assist oneself effectively.

When I first began to focus on and redefine myself as ‘grace’, it was cool, but kind of surprising when I realized just how much I reLIEd upon the energy I would get when I’d participate in any way in the bizarre little personal attacks on myself that I was accepting as backchat within my mind.

It’s cool when you commit to investigating these things that are going on within your mind, you begin to see just how ridiculous it all is – like the small sentences of backchat where in your head your hearing things like, ‘you can’t do this’, ‘I’m tired‘, ‘your getting to old for that’, etc, all of which add up to some serious self-judgments and suppression.

So as I’ve been walking this point in real-time – forgiving myself for the self-loathing and self-critical way of thinking, and forgiving myself for allowing myself to be controlled to such a degree where I’ve been motivated to move myself by and as my mind – which is in itself physically exhausting and proof how damaging our thought processes are on our physical body.

Instead of allowing that, I directed myself to stop and forgive myself, so when a self-judgment thought would come up or re-occur, I would stop, breathe and focus on giving myself ‘grace’, remaining aware of what that means and feels like to give myself ‘grace’ as self support.

After a few days, the backchat attack began to raise doubts because my mind as consciousness was losing controls so it used fear through the words, ‘your body can’t handle this’.  That’s when within me, it was like my physical body as me Stood Up, and I saw how when those thoughts came up my entire physical body became tense and uncomfortable and I became aware of how my bottom lip sought to hold down my upper lip real tight like, so I used that as an awareness, a flag if you will to provide assistance for myself to know it’s time to stop and breathe!  Within that I began to recognize who I am as my physical body within and as ‘Grace’,  and how when I allow myself ‘Grace’ my entire inside relaxes in clarity.

So, it’s been a few weeks now since I began investigating this point and I’m realizing who I am as ‘grace’ is becoming of me more and more – where ‘grace’ is a soft place within where I flow comfortably through and as my entire physical body, and within that a great gift emerged in that within and as ‘Grace’, self-judgments towards myself and others cannot and does not exist.

And so I see an opportunity that’s opened up here for me to see, realize and understand what it means to Life the word ‘Grace’ into and as myself and our entire World System within and as All of Existence.

Therefore, I commit myself to direct myself to move myself with an awareness to change what I’ve been accepting and allowing within my world – through self-forgiveness I let go the paranoia that has been placed as control and created around religion and how living the word ‘grace’ throughout our lives became identified with the idea of a “God watching over us” or a “God who knows best” attitude as another way to justify spirituality and the paranoia around it to the extreme – I further commit myself to take actions that prevent harm to All Living beings, to get to the point of having the ‘Grace’ to consider the common good for All Life through a Living Income Proposal, to ensure All the opportunity of Living Life in accordance to what’s Best for All to become part of the way Life exist on Earth.

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“Politics is the Fascinating Interesting thing that is In Fact Legitimate and Legal as a way to Change the World, simply by Voting or Getting Involved in Creating Political Parties that Actually Present a Constitutional Bill of Rights, Ensuring that All Laws that exist are Aligned to that, Ensuring that All Necessary Preventions that Ensures a Life that is Best for All Happens on Earth – those kind of stuff all Happen through Politics, through Government. And Government is Not ‘Evil,’ Government is the Product of The People. If Governments are ‘Evil’ as so many Paranoids Claim, then They’re Evil because They are the Ones that Created the Government in the first place, they don’t have an Alternative = that’s quite a Problem. One Shouldn’t Judge: You Should Look for Solutions and Alternatives.

As long as You Have No solutions and Alternatives = You are Judging.

If You Have a Solution and Alternative = it’s No Longer a Judgment, it is Then Common Sense Reasoning.” Bernard Poolman

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Investigate

The Living Income Proposal

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it was Critical for the Successful Design of Consumerism as Resource Control by the few to get Personal Effort to be SUBJECT to the GRACE of an INVISIBLE GOD to which ALL SUCCESS was ATTRIBUTED, to make sure the Human will ACCEPT Personal Self-Interest as a RIGHT as SINNER to be able to Indulge and Feed Consumerism without feeling Guilty, as a Saviour or Messiah will come or has died for the SINNER that CANNOT Help but being SINFUL by Consuming. In this an INVISIBLE PACT was created between Consumerism and Religion with Consumers FUNDING Religion as a way of Passing for Penance as the 7th Day of Confession and Forgiveness – Creating a Human that Accepts as the Core of the Human: EVIL, that Cannot be Conquered by Self, but only through a Divine force.

 

I commit myself to show that the Human’s acceptance of themselves as inherently Evil can in fact be conquered by Self and does NOT require a Divine Force or Forgiveness from an Imaginary God, but requires the courage to be Self Honest, to dare oneself to care, and to give oneself the gift of Self-Forgiveness.” Bernard Poolman

Day 280: Recognizing My Utmost Potential

Today I’ll be sharing how my life experience with having cancer, as well as the walking of my personal process, through writing and investigating who I am as my mind, and through applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, how I’ve been able to show myself that I Can change.  Through this process I’ve come to recognize and realize the potential that exists within me and so the ability to become a living example of the first principle from the Desteni of Living:  1. Realising and living my utmost potential

Before being diagnosed with Breast Cancer ,  I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, and I only slightly questioned the nutritional value if any within the food that I was eating. When I first began my Cancer Treatment Plan, which revolves around the Metabolic Diet, I knew that consistency is key and that I had to follow the plan to a T.

This I’ve been walking for 14 months and the accumulation of doing so is proving effective as I have less cancer in my body at this moment than I did this time last year.

Every day for the first 6 months were very difficult. I was physically weak and often felt mentally drained. I began to realize how dependent I was upon all the relationship energy that I would get when I’d go out to eat with people.  Within the pattern of having a simple cup of coffee with someone, was a shocking amount of emotions to release myself from.   Needless to say, my mind did not take kindly to me removing my favorite comfort foods, and it’s been interesting to become aware of how my physical body can physically repair itself quicker than the time it takes for my mind to forever stop a conditioned thought pattern.  Let me explain.

Who I am as my mind wasn’t getting it’s usual sugar fix and so the negative energetic emotions / reactions and all the thought patterns surrounding the removal of my favorite substance left a void within me that I had to face. The pattern had to be written out and looked at so that I could see the origin point and apply self-forgiveness.  I had to see and understand how I used food as a sort of substitution for myself in that I sought after feelings through food and beverage and without them, my mind would throw a tantrum.  So I had to constantly stop myself from drifting into a depression by focusing on my breathing and immediately applying self-forgiveness.  So but with my physical body, I continue to witness over and over it’s  incredible ability to repair itself from a week of heavy duty pancreatic enzyme therapy,  in just 5 Days!

Ok so going into this treatment plan, I knew I had to make a solid commitment to not waver because the cold hard truth is, my life and me living, depends upon me Not eating the things that provide no nutritional value, like chocolate cake and ice cream and pizza. There is little to no room for soothing or entertaining myself as my mind with junk food because the consequence of doing so, could prove deadly.

So assisting my physical body to clear itself of cancer has assisted me to become aware of myself as it.  And when one stops eating processed foods and the chemicals and preservatives and sugars and gluten, etc., something interesting begins to occur. It’s like the essence of your physical body with all of it’s physical senses, begins to slowly awaken.

The changes I’m referring to have been substantial and are living proof for me that the nature of the human can change because I’ve physically walked the change within and as and for myself.

It was almost 9 months in when I realized, OMG, all the mind chatter and irritation and tantrums with regards to not giving myself certain foods or drinks, have stopped!   And it’s cool because my mind now takes well to me directing myself as it with regards to what I eat to nourish who I am as my physical body.  And I’m aware more than ever  what and when my physical body is asking for a specific food and I’m aware of a balance within taking place.

And I mean,  I used to ‘think’ that I loved and craved pizza and cake but now, those desires and thoughts and the emotions that surrounded them, their mostly gone.  Now when I smell pizza cooking it’s no big deal, though it kind of smells like warmed up garbage to me now and lol, I’m getting better at remaining aware of how I use my words, because telling people that their food smells like a bag of hot trash slightly pisses them off I’ve come to realize.

I can also say for sure that I will Never go back to eating processed foods, unless my situation is one where I have no choice in the matter. Because with how broken our current money system is, more and more people cannot afford to eat nutritionally.

Not being able to provide proper food and clean water for oneself is a point within our society that requires direction.   It’s time to re-educate ourselves and investigate what’s healthy for us in providing our physical body with an opportunity to perform as it’s supposed to.

Alright so when I first began my treatment plan, I had no idea how the hell I was going to live without things like, sugar, coffee, bread, pasta, pizza, etc.  Every morning I woke up to my mind complaining it’s way into my day, but no matter, I remained consistant and stuck to my treatment plan with the assistance of writing and self-forgiveness, because who I am as my physical body requires me to do so if I want to continue living, and I do.

So having cancer brought the opportunity for me to walk a practical application of re-designing who I am in relation to food and it’s a process I continue to walk.   I’m one of the lucky ones because I’ve had the tools provided through Desteni I Process to assist myself in taking on my mind through self forgiveness.

So instead of feeding my mind with junk food for entertainment purposes – I now thoroughly enjoy experimenting with new ways to prepare fruits and vegetables and I’m enjoying redefining who I am in relation to food and eating with the purpose to provide balanced nutrition for my physical body – without the need of feelings and emotions which cannot be trusted because I realized the intent behind them.  This then a living example of how I recognized and realized my ability to live my utmost potential.

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Suggest Reading & Following:

The Desteni of Living – My Utmost Potential: DAY 1

The Desteni of Living – Utmost Potential (Part 2): DAY 2

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Day 278: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

It’s been just over 6 and a half years since I first began to take responsibility for myself by applying self forgiveness and walking a process of self corrected application. This I’ve been able to do through applying the tools provided through Desteni and the Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Course offered through Desteni I Process.

What I realized the most about myself in the beginning was that I didn’t have any real self-direction, meaning: for my entire life I had just sort of, ‘followed the crowd’. I did only what I absolutely had to do to survive in this world and frankly, I hated how hard life is when money is scarce, and I had practically given up on humanity because basically, I’d given up on myself.

The big game changer for me was when I failed to pay some fines that I owed to the county, not paying and not completing the conditions of my sentencing landed me in solitary confinement for 2 days, and then jail for 2 weeks. In solitary confinement all I had was myself and the thoughts in my head, and it was then that I knew I had to learn how to stop my thoughts instead of letting the fear of them possess me to the point that I was creating all kinds of unwanted consequences for myself.

Fortunately, the Desteni material assisted me to get a hold of myself, so to speak, to stop running from myself, and interestingly enough, when I began to face myself is when I began to realize that I can no longer allow myself to turn a blind eye to all the suffering in this world from poverty and war for profit.

Art By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

So 6 1/2 years ago, I made the decision to stand up, to take responsibility for myself through writing and self forgiveness and I will continue to do so as I walk my Journey to Life within the realization that life on earth is Not being lived to it’s full potential, and that a great change is not only needed, it is inevitable – what with the great inequalities that we continue to accept and allow to exist within and as our world.

As I continued to comprehend the level of my own brainwashing and the patterns and mind-sets that I’ve allowed to control and direct me, what I knew then, and I’m sure of,  is that there is no turning back. Now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of understanding who I am as my mind as consciousness, and seeing what I’ve been accepting and allowing, I know that I can never again deny myself the chance to in self honesty,  change the very nature of myself for real, through walking the path of Principled Living.

This then the story of How and Why: I commit myself to live by the following Principles, which represent life in a way where the Living experience itself, as Life lived on Earth, may always be in support of Life before profit, as All living beings will be forever recognized and cared for Equally as One.

In posts to come – I will walk practical examples of how I apply / live these principles.

The Desteni of Living

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 272: Woman to Woman

I’m not sure exactly how old I was the first time I knew I wanted to be a woman that other women would refer to as tough.

It was around the time I was in the 6th grade,- and as it would happen, I would have the same specific thought pattern occur many times throughout my life – where within my mind, I believed I could ‘think’ my way’ to being ‘tough’. The thoughts were nothing more than a desire to be seen by other women as a woman who is ‘tough’.

I was serious about it to, and within my mind, in how I defined myself, came with it an energetic feeling that began around the top of my head and worked it’s way slowly down my physical body. It was like I experienced myself as giving myself some sort of mental armor.  Within that mental armor I pretended I could temporarily protect myself from getting my feelings hurt. It was  all about the energy and participating in certain thought pattterns kept a positive energetic experience seemingly intact.

This wanting to be seen as ‘tough’ came to be the way in which I would give myself a false sense of security until finally I began to notice how when I’d be in the energy of it my chest would somewhat stick out and my physical body would experience a stiffness. It was like being on guard within myself and border lining on paranoia.

This is a point I’ve been investigating as I seen myself recently unfold, so to speak. This when after 13 months, my daughter, her partner and my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter recently moved into a place of their own. It was the moment when they first left, and as they drove out of sight, it was like I saw myself finally let my guard down, and what I realized about myself was how since the moment they moved in, I became that ‘toughness’ that I’ve just been referring to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other women’s  opinions of me as being tough to be important because it gave me an excuse to keep my distance within the relationships, to never completely give my all for fear that if I give my all, I will be hurt, left alone in a display of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become focused on and tempted by the energy that came with the thoughts and feelings of believing myself as being tough and for how I overlooked the fact that what I was experiencing within myself was based solely upon the specific relationship that I was having within and as my mind and projecting it unto the relationships within my life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into that ‘tough’ person/character, I stop, I breathe. I see realize and understand that I am aware of the energetic/feeling that I get around the top area of my head right above my eyebrows as an indicator for me to Stop, Breathe,  Remain aware, to not allow myself to go further into and as the energy. To instead give myself the opportunity to change in the moment to one where I share an intimate moment of equality with another living being, where we see ourself in each other – within an otherwise awkward moment – to within an intimate understanding of each other as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand, that in keeping my relationships with others working as a character who is ‘tough’, keeps me focused on the illusion as the relationship with the characters within and as my mind – which ultimately keeps fueling my mind through energy fluctuations of positive and negative as the drama of hope and the feeling of love is played throughout the relationships that I’ve had not only with women, but with men as well, therefore,  I commit myself to redefine who I am within and as the relationship.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to the best of my ability, move myself to do what is required in order of me in order to bring forth a World/Money System that will function according to what’s Best for All.

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Women to Women, Please Investigate The Basic Income Guaranteed

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Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

Day 271: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Death of a Relationship – Day 38

To share how one experience themself when someone close to them dies, doesn’t come easy for most of us because the subject of death is one we work hard to avoid. I mean on the one hand we want to talk with others about how shocked we are from the loss of a loved-one through a sudden or unexpected death, yet on the other hand, the topic of death itself triggers our ultimate fear, our fear of death and dying.

Since being diagnosed some 10 months ago with Breast Cancer, I’ve been investigating my fear of death, even still it is very uncomfortable when death hits close to home.  It’s like looking behind yourself, to your past to see yourself, yet knowing full well within yourself,  that you did not see ‘it’ coming, ‘it’ being ‘death’, which always brings with it, the ‘death of a relationship’.

My favorite uncle was admitted into the hospital for Bacterial Pneumonia, and this is an all to familiar road because in my family, my mother and my brother, both died from pneumonia, and then now, my uncle has died from it as well, he was 53.

My uncle was one of the funniest people I’ve ever been around, and I wish I would have called him a month ago when the thought of doing so was triggered when my daughter mentioned she’d seen him where she had been working that day.

This time as the news of the death of a close family member came, I became oddly aware of how it was like for a moment, time stood still and for a split second I saw no difference between death and life. Meaning in how we exist here, acting like we’re life,  all the while existing like the living dead in how we accept and allow things like war, poverty and starvation to exist.  All I know is, that in that moment,  life and death seemed oddly the same and if only for a moment, there was no evidence within me of fear.

The moment of having no fear was of course fleeting, and I watched as I allowed myself to get sucked into the memories of the relationship I had with my uncle.  I remained aware of how my mind wanted to indulge in an enjoyable recollection of past events which came with an uncomfortable feeling of regret, guilt and sadness.  An all to familiar feeling within my mind that comes with the death of a relationship.

For the moment, this is all I can share,  but I will be watching and reading Heaven‘s Blog, because the specific context that’s being walked is about when something unexpected happens within one’s world that is personally-traumatic, where one go into an absolute mental and physical shock.

This will prove to be very assisting for how I’ve experienced myself the last couple of weeks – in how I felt ‘hectic’ inside myself when the fact is, it was hectic because of how within my mind I’ve been grieving within the fear of loss.  Basically, I’ve participated within and as the energy of regret, guilt and sadness while facing my ultimate fear, my fear of death and dying…

Alright, that’s all for now.

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Be Sure to Read:
Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479

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Day 176: After Death Communication – Part 25

“This World Is, Practically Speaking: Judgment Day. You’re Living it, Every day, Every breath. You are Living, Your Judgment. And, as you Judge, whether it is to Pretend that you are More than Life, or that you are the Product of Allowed Abuse, and thus Less than it : you are the One that Choose. You are the one that Decide. You are the One that Determine. You are the One that Allow. You are the One that Accept. You are the One Who will Find, that what is Here, is what is Hereafter. Unless you Change, while you’re Here, Proven Steadfastly, that you have In Fact Changed, Consistently, Breath by Breath, Never to Again Allow Life to Fall under your Self Interested Judgment; unless you Walk this in such a Steadfast Way that you will Never be Doubted, because you Never Doubt yourself, because You Will Stand regardless of what it Takes, to Bring About that Which is Best for Life, in Every Way, Always: You’ll Not be Worthy of Life.

And, because you don’t know when your Last Breath is, I suggest: You Stand Fast, and then Remain Steadfast. Because, by Now, Commonsense should Show you, that when you Die – All that Happens to the Dead, is that the Living try and keep their Memory Alive.” Bernard Poolman

Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Day 267: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Money Trap – Day 37

Just talking about Money, or rather the lack of it causes me to feel dis-ease within myself. I become uncomfortable inside my skin and it’s like I’m suddenly trapped and the fact is, we’re All trapped in a deadly Money System that thrives off of the suffering of others…

The other night I wrote a blog that I titled:  Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

I wrote the following sentence:

“All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well.” 

And then today, my partner was saying to me how the amount of money we spend every month purchasing the things that I absolutely have to have in order to specifically follow the alternative cancer treatment plan that I’ve chosen,  is way more than I said it was.  As I heard him say those words , of course I knew that he was correct, because pretty much 75% of everythimg that we spend money on is what I require if I’m to be successful in getting well with my treatment plan for breast cancer.

As I agreed with what my partner was saying, I knew I had to stop and breathe and remain aware of this sort of mini possession my mind was trying to take me into. Instead of allowing myself to go get  stuck in a point of paranoia,  I began to see the practicality in what becomes of the money we spend on my supplies.

A quick glance around my house one might not even know that my home has become my treatment center. A place where, for the first time in my life, I’m putting the welfare of my physical body first and foremost and being responsible for nourishing it – instead of what my mind would prefer by way of wants and desires.

I began to look back to when I first began my daily treatment routine. How me as my mind didn’t take kindly to the routine much less to the fact that there were no excuses allowed to not follow the routine strictly. The first 3 months I became somewhat depressed and felt as if I was mistreating myself.  It was what I’ve learned through applying the tools offered through Desteni I Process that got me through it – where I was able to remain consistent through using how the mind loves the comfort of routine, thus my daily routine has become only things that offer assistance, support and healing for my physical body.

So from the moment my feet touched the floor in the mornings, instead of going for a morning cup of coffee, I had to begin a most unexpected thing. And, In the beginning, my first thought every single day was, ‘I can’t do ‘it’ anymore’. The ‘it’ was, as Dr. Kelley puts it, an absolute necessity for the Cancer Patient, and one that should be done first thing every day within the first hour upon rising in the morning. I had so much resistance to the idea of it in the beginning but now I completely get how the human can direct oneself to change because I’ve been doing ‘it’ every morning now for 10 months and it never crosses my mind to not do it.

What I’m referring to is giving myself a coffee enema. It’s something that I’ve only now become comfortable talking about because now I get it. I understand the importance of the coffee enema. It assists my body to flush out the toxins that are being ingested by the massive amount of pancreatic enzymes that I take.  I also drink 3 ounces of Essiac Tea  3 times a day for detoxification as well.

So the point here is,  how the very mention of money causes me to be distracted from my goal of getting well and remaining focused and consistent. And, it’s important for me to have a reality check for myself because this topic is a sore spot and when my partner mentioned that we spend way more than $800 US Dollars – I immediately became aware of how tense my upper back and chest area became. I began to experience myself as irritated at myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get cancer in the first place. And this is how the mind trips us up and we become sucked into an automated pattern of self interest and self pity where we become afflicted by what’s called the plum disease,  “poor little old me”,   and we begin to describe ourselves with self-deprecating phrases..

Please don’t mistake my meaning, because how I experience life and how you or anyone experiences life on earth matters. Every bit of it. Everyone and Everything that is here is specific whether we understand it or not. The life experience on Earth is the direct result/ consequence of what each one of us accept and allow. Like how we accept and allow poverty and war and dirty politicians, and how we accept and allow the so-called rich and famous to set the standards with regards to who and what’s important within our world.

What’s important is that we don’t stop questioning our reality until we’re absolutely sure that all suffering has come to an end. Because as a Society, WE ARE in Big Trouble. So much so that debt collection is greeted with more support than the issue of the growing number of people around our world who have little to no access to clean drinking water.

Ok, so I’m realizing that I can forgive myself for the blame I’ve put on others instead of seeing the role that I play in how our current world/money system exists. And how I AM able to direct myself to change who I am, to stop any actions of greed in how I’ve lived my life only looking out for me and mine – to instead, be a living example of what it is to Give to another that which I would want given to me. Because what is best is a World where our Earth, our Waters and our Air are given priorities of protection, because they Give Life and since all living beings require these elements then the right to all of them must be given Freely.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself start to get anxious or irritable when the topic of spending money comes up – where within my mind I begin to feel sorry for myself for having to spend so much money on the things that I require to assist my physical body to recover – I stop, I breathe – I slow myself down and I walk with consistency completing those movements that are important in redesigning who I am and how I live my life according to what’s best for all.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that the human is the complete slave of the mind that capitulated with ease, and thus will require extensive time to realize the true nature of the MIND and MONEY.

I commit myself to show that real power is Life and NOT money.

I commit myself to show that equality as the physical interconnectedness realized will end the reign of money and mind as God.

I commit myself to awaken the physical to its true nature and being as Life.

I commit myself to confront those that are possessed by money and mind with Life so they may wake up from their hypnotic sleep.

I commit myself to show that war only exists because of its participants, and that all participants are equally responsible for the abuse of war, and that to allow war through silence, is to be part of war.

I commit myself to show that breathing disciplined, committed to Life as what is best for all Life, will always come to full realization that will end all slavery of Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 265: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – On Death and Dying – Day 36

Every once in awhile I’ll have a day where what’s going on in my mind is a repeating pattern of specific memories, memories that I’ve given value to according to an experience from my past.  These particular memories mostly include members of my family who have died, like for instance my mom, my brother and/or my sister.   The memories are accompanied with a strange feel good sadness where I reminisce as I indulge in an enjoyable recollection of my past experiences.  This is how my mind reels me in, ever so gently until it’s like the trigger is pulled and instantly, I become locked within a semi-sweet memory/feeling that will always go from a positive energy experience to a negative one in like 2.2 seconds and suddenly,  I’m face to face with my fear of death and dying.

Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
This particular pattern has become less frequent than when it began which is what I allowed to happen the first time I was told that I had breast cancer.

So in the first few months as the pattern evolved I would miss the memory as the trigger and be swept away in Fear rather quickly.  But now,  it’s like I’m having new memories come forth but not really.

 Still I’m very aware of how  I’ve entered another dimension of myself as my mind and now I’m seeing how the memory was always here for me to access to be able to stop and forgive myself however,  I was moving so fast within myself as my mind that I was unable or unwilling to look, to see where and who I’ve been during all the memories that I have stored within every part of my physical body.

So now I’m seeing an increased awareness coming forth from within me and it’s become easier to investigate further into and as the patterns of my mind.  It’s definitely a process worth walking for oneself and I’m fortunate, because I’ve had the tools from Desteni I Process and I know how to apply them and in doing so I’ve been able to direct myself within a clearer understanding of how having cancer is proving to be very self-educating and thus very assisting.

Also it’s important to note here how weird my sleeping was last night and how I was constantly and continually aware of an intense pain within my breast surrounding the areas where the lump is. ‘The lump’ has become less scary to touch for me now, so when the pain comes, it’s like I allow myself to go into the pain, to focus on remaining aware of my breathing and allow myself to investigate the pain – instead of trying to run and hide from it in fear within my mind.  Sometimes briefly I’ll catch myself off guard and be swept in for a moment.   For a second I’ll became trapped in a mini-automated paranoia episode taking place within my mind about death and dying, but more and more I’ve been able to stop, breathe and investigate the how’s and why’s to determine how I may assist my physical body to get well.

With regards to the pain I had last night which was similar to the same kind of pain I’ve had on at least 4 other occasions, I’ve come to realize that according to the sensation of the pain and how it physically feels like there’s a pulling taking place – it’s like the lump is pulling away from the surrounding tissue that it’s grown attached to – like the lump is ever so slowly letting go, dying, becoming a dead tumor.

Of course, I can’t yet prove my theory, but if that is in fact what’s happening, then the results will eventually become known anyway…. The point here that I’m trying to put into words, is that when I ‘get physical‘, so to speak, when I hear my body when it’s hurting,  thirsty and/or basically when my physical body is giving me an opportunity to see who I am as it and direct myself,  it’s interesting,  because it is in that moment when my fear of death and dying ceases to exist.

Alright so that’s all for tonight.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have Realized that the FLESH acts like a HARDDRIVE, that Stores one’s Memories as Stories as the History of the Creation of the Character in the Narrative used as the Idea of Self, which is then Projected on the Screen of the MIND which Tell A Vision show and supported by the words the Self Speaks to Convince this Self as Character that it is Real, but take away the Memories, and the Self Disappears immediately, exactly what happens at Death as well.

I commit myself to SHOW that the FLESH as STORAGE of Memories From which is Created Personal Consciousness, is NOT GRASPED and that the Importance given to the MIND cause a World of ABUSE and DELUSION that will keep on Growing ’till Man wake up and Study the Real ISSUES in the TISSUE of the Body.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 264: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cost of Alternative Cancer Treatments and How Living Income Guaranteed is the Solution – Day 35

Today I got a little freaky about the amount of money we’ve been having to spend lately on organic fruits and vegetables, and tea, as well as pancreatic enzymes and vitamins and ALL the other stuff that I have to have as I continue with my Daily Alternative Treatment plan – which includes the Metabolic Diet, which initself  brings about a kind of stability and strengthens and assists in ridding the physical body of cancer.

To give a quick update: My last HCG urine test showed a decrease in cancer from 53.0 to 52.6. This was proof after 6 months that what I’m applying is effective. The end of this month will put me at 10 months of treatment and so I will be sending off another urine sample to see if there has been improvement.

I realized today that when I got a ‘little freaky’, or rather when I become ‘anxious’ about money,  I experience that anxiety in the pit of my stomach – just thinking about spending money sends me reeling in my mind in fear of not having enough of it.

All in all, we spend approximately $800 US Dollars every month on the things I absolutely have to have in order to get well. It doesn’t seem fair for me to complain because I’m fortunate in that I have an amazing supportive partner, who works hard and provides a way where we’re able to get me the things I need.   And,,,The truth is, Everyone should be so fortunate…

I am absolutely certain that if we removed the day to day stress of worrying about whether or not we’ll have enough money for food, or for a home,  or,  will we be able to afford an Education and/or find a job.  Money stresses us out more than we realize and we should take the time to investigate and consider who we’d be,  if we removed all our Money woes – by providing a Living Income for Everyone.

There is absolutely no telling who we’d all become. Our day to day interaction with each other would almost immediately change because we’d begin to stop participating in our mind within the thoughts/fears of not knowing if we’re even going to have, or make enough Money to survive.

Can you imagine never again worrying about whether you’ll have enough of something?

Can you imagine being able to have a place to live in that you can call your own?

Can you imagine going to work because you’re willing to contribute to improving Life on Earth for Everyone, and not just because you have to because you need money?

Can you imagine the enjoyment of Giving to Everyone every opportunity that we ourself would like to Receive?

Imagine how a Living Income Guaranteed will Change Your Life!

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the Daily Life on the Daily Planet of Society Revolves around Pretentious Characters that SWOP Places Depending on the Situation and Context of the Environment a Person find themselves in as the NOW, Creating in Full Knowledge Billions of fake Scenarios Daily where all Participants Pretend to Be a Character just to Suit the Illusion around which Society Revolves.

I commit myself to SHOW that SWOPPING PLACES in the MIND between Characters Deliberately Designed for Survival on Earth, is a Field and Frontier yet to Become Realized by Humanity, and Once this is Understood, Life on Earth will dramatically change, as the Value System will NO Longer Feed the Illusion of the MIND.” Bernard Poolman

Day 148: Swopping Places

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Living Income Guaranteed

Day 262: A day late and a dollar short

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting here enjoying the sites of fresh fallen snow and the aroma of the vegetable broth brewing on the stove (my partner and I started it first thing when we woke up this morning) and also the smell of a roaring fire just outside my window that my partner just got going. All of it, for me, makes for the perfect day.

So, not to sound all ‘scent’imental’, lol, no pun intended, but I’m realizing more and more how life begins when we begin to develop an awareness of our personal responsibility to become accountable for how our world exists. To educate oneself to understand what it takes these days to survive in this world so to be able to enjoy the simplest of things. For example, what does one have to do/be/become in order to have a warm home in which to enjoy the beauty of a fresh fallen snow and cooking one’s favorite meal…

Ok so my point is, as I sat enjoying the snow and the aroma’s all around me, a memory was triggered and I saw how my mind took me back to something my mom used to say, she’d say: I’m a day late and a dollar short. I remember how her words captured me within a way where I was unable to rectify her meaning. I didn’t really understand her choice of words but the tone within which she spoke them gave me clarity on how she felt.  I knew she had allowed herself a missed opportunity and was caught inexcusably unprepared for it.  It is only now that I understand the underlying implications and the utmost importance the experience held on as.

The problem is in the value we give to time and money.  How we seem to unknowingly become the trip our mind chooses for us to take and as the human, we willingly give value to our accepted variety of cultures, belief systems, habits and/or addictions.

We secretly believe in feeling as if we’re always a day late and a dollar short,  so it’s like we keep chasing/looking for some sort of fulfillment. Yep, it’s time for us to Stop participating in how consciousness wants to direct us and instead realize that we can Direct ourself.

As Consciousness,  we’ll seek, plan, prepare and organize for a secured life for ourself and our family and in self interest, we forget to value everyone as we ignore the suffering of others.  There’s no longer anywhere to hide.   We understand how deadly our Current Money System is, where even the simplest of pleasures require time and money and the majority of us don’t seem to have enough of either .

When my partner and I go to town it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to get to the store and another hour to get home.  Time and the Money…  Recently, we spent 128.00 U.S. Dollars for a few veggies, fruits, mushrooms and a package of organic tea!

It’s crazy because the experience of Life in it’s simplest form of day to day survival, has become so expensive that’s it’s not only embarrassing, it’s downright criminal.   I mean seriously, making a living and a life for oneself could be a Journey to Life, to self perfection.

Making a living and a life within a system where everyone is guaranteed a living wage,  where you can learn to depend upon yourself,  whereby becoming responsible and accountable and capable of Stopping what we’ve accepted and allowed.  It is only then that  we’ll begin to share with Everyone all that this physical Earth experience offers for Each one of us.

No one should have to live ‘a day late and a dollar short’ kind of lifestyle.

No one should have to beg for food.

No one should be able to have a home unless Everyone is able to have a home.

No one should be afraid of a hard days work simply because they’re not paid enough to do it.

No one should go to bed hungry.

No one should go to bed cold.

No one should ever suffer because of lack of.

Everyone should be able to determine what their skills are and how they’ll be able to contribute to making a living in this world toward creating  Heaven on Earth as we implement the Simple Law, ‘Give as You would like to Receive’.

I commit myself to direct myself to show that the only chance for Life on Earth to continue will be for the human to come together as a group in agreement in full commitment to each other, to create a World that behaves according to what’s best for All.

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“What makes one life more, or less than any other life? What makes one life any more, or less, worthy than any other life? What gives any one life more, or less, value than another? Why should the end of one life be felt more, or less, keenly than another? Why should the suffering of one life be regarded as more, or less, important than another?” Cerise Poolman, Activist’s Journey to Life

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Living Income Guaranteed