Tag Archive | abusive relationships

Day 272: Woman to Woman

unite1I’m not sure exactly how old I was the first time I knew I wanted to be a woman that other women would refer to as tough.

It was around the time I was in the 6th grade,- and as it would happen, I would have the same specific thought pattern occur many times throughout my life – where within my mind, I believed I could ‘think’ my way’ to being ‘tough’. The thoughts were nothing more than a desire to be seen by other women as a woman who is ‘tough’.

I was serious about it to, and within my mind, in how I defined myself, came with it an energetic feeling that began around the top of my head and worked it’s way slowly down my physical body. It was like I experienced myself as giving myself some sort of mental armor.  Within that mental armor I pretended I could temporarily protect myself from getting my feelings hurt. It was  all about the energy and participating in certain thought pattterns kept a positive energetic experience seemingly intact.

This wanting to be seen as ‘tough’ came to be the way in which I would give myself a false sense of security until finally I began to notice how when I’d be in the energy of it my chest would somewhat stick out and my physical body would experience a stiffness. It was like being on guard within myself and border lining on paranoia.

This is a point I’ve been investigating as I seen myself recently unfold, so to speak. This when after 13 months, my daughter, her partner and my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter recently moved into a place of their own. It was the moment when they first left, and as they drove out of sight, it was like I saw myself finally let my guard down, and what I realized about myself was how since the moment they moved in, I became that ‘toughness’ that I’ve just been referring to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other women’s  opinions of me as being tough to be important because it gave me an excuse to keep my distance within the relationships, to never completely give my all for fear that if I give my all, I will be hurt, left alone in a display of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become focused on and tempted by the energy that came with the thoughts and feelings of believing myself as being tough and for how I overlooked the fact that what I was experiencing within myself was based solely upon the specific relationship that I was having within and as my mind and projecting it unto the relationships within my life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into that ‘tough’ person/character, I stop, I breathe. I see realize and understand that I am aware of the energetic/feeling that I get around the top area of my head right above my eyebrows as an indicator for me to Stop, Breathe,  Remain aware, to not allow myself to go further into and as the energy. To instead give myself the opportunity to change in the moment to one where I share an intimate moment of equality with another living being, where we see ourself in each other – within an otherwise awkward moment – to within an intimate understanding of each other as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand, that in keeping my relationships with others working as a character who is ‘tough’, keeps me focused on the illusion as the relationship with the characters within and as my mind – which ultimately keeps fueling my mind through energy fluctuations of positive and negative as the drama of hope and the feeling of love is played throughout the relationships that I’ve had not only with women, but with men as well, therefore,  I commit myself to redefine who I am within and as the relationship.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to the best of my ability, move myself to do what is required in order of me in order to bring forth a World/Money System that will function according to what’s Best for All.

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Women to Women, Please Investigate The Basic Income Guaranteed

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Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

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Day 94: Establishing a Relationship

Beginning last night and all of today – I’ve been experiencing fever and more pain than usual throughout my physical body – thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful when I experience pain in/as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach for drugs when I experience pain within my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throughout my life abuse pain medications and prescription medicines which may or may not have been harmful to me as my internal organs within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never have considered nor understood the purpose of pain in and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider how my mind as thinking and participating in/as emotions and feelings and internal reactions have impacted me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand the relationship between my body and my mind in how the mind contributes to my experiences and manifestations of pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how pain in and as me as my physical bodies influences my life decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not comprehend how physical pain, discomfort and ailments are a consequence which I have created and manifested within my physical body over an extended period of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as ego allow me as my mind as consciousness to become a physical consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to consider how when I access memories/thoughts in/as emotions and feeling charges where I physically experience emotions and feelings that are actually charged within components of/as mind constructs – how within such participation in/as them, I create an actual physical effect upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how every single thought has an emotional-feeling charge to it as a resonance where it resonates like a ripple effect through and within and as my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life so consumed in/as my mind of/as thoughts and dreams of how I wanted to experience myself according to how and what my mind as consciousness in/as emotions/feelings/memories/characters and personalites wanted and desired, that I completely ignored me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how the mind consciousness system acts like a parasite to the human physical body in that as the systems integrate into our physical body it extracts the nutrients of/as our physical body to reproduce itself into mind energy, thus the more we participate in/as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, etc., the more we become constructs as systems of/as our mind as consciousness, which evolves, expands and integrates into and as our physical body, thus why the relationship as the mind to the physical body completely takes over until we eventually as the physical body start decaying as it eats away at itself in order to survive and thus how we age and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically crawl up into a ball within feelings of lonesomeness and thoughts of how, ‘so and so’ betrayed me, Not seeing, realizing and understanding that the only betrayal was the betrayal of me in participating within my mind while neglecting to cherish me as who I am within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually established a relationship with me as my Human Physical Body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand what mind processes are involved with creating and manifesting physical consequences – in order to Stop the mind consequence – and align myself to and as Physical Living.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

Day 34: Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

My first memory of what fear looks like was on the face of my Aunt Lea when I was three years old. She still talks about how stressed out she was when she finally found me hanging out underneath a rack of clothes in the retail store where she was spending money. I didn’t even know I was missing.

My first memory of what anger looks like is when I accidentally broke the foot off of a porcelain dog that was my Aunt Lea’s when I was four.

My first memory of what heartache, fear and anger feels like, was when my mother and step dad suddenly arrived to take me from the only place I was familiar with as home – with my grandmother, grandfather and my aunt and uncle’s. I lived with them from the time I was 1 1/2 to 4 1/2 years old.

All three of my first experiences as self as the above memories – all revolved around money. The first one was about spending money, the second one was about wasting money, and the third one was about finally having enough money to feed one’s child. This was the beginning patterns of how I was educated about money and one that has followed me throughout my life, and this is not about blame nor does my story hold any specialness to it.

Families don’t know the first thing about educating their children about money and certainly have no clue how to support a child in being a self-responsible human being – one that will contribute to the overall well being in creating a world system that will provide the necessary means of establishing and replenishing our environment where every living being, from the moment they take their first breath, will be guaranteed the opportunity to flourish and express themselves into oneness of/as being.

The purpose for me sharing these particular memories is to share how if Money were removed from the equation of all three of the memories, what then?

– – if my Aunt hadn’t been under stress to purchase new clothes that she really couldn’t afford, for a job she didn’t even like, and, if she had not spent so much money on the porcelain dog in the first place, and, if my mom had been able to afford for her 1 1/2 year old baby to live with her after her divorce — what then?

Allow yourself to comprehend how Equal Money changes Everything and if that brings up fears we are able to release them through self-forgiveness.

Fear of Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change because I fear what I might lose because I’ve associated change as going from a good to bad and a bad to worse situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change because I have defined myself according to a specific point thus the point of change requires that I face myself within a fear of loss of self for something that I’ve only believed about myself when in fact isn’t real in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the point of fear of change fear failing which is related to the need for perfection within fear and anxiety of not getting things right, thus I avoid the fear of failing by not doing anything accept existing within the point of fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear of change is the most common reason for resistance to any kind of change and thus stops us from taking immediate action of any kind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am free from the right to brag about having the most money, the best house, car and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my opinion and/or my intention to/toward others based upon money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Equal Money because I fear not being part of the system of survival/money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from an early age focus myself in and as negative and positive energy experiences where I imprinted myself within a belief that life is either good or bad depending upon the amount of money I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into materialistic manifestations within my world where if I were to lose them, I fear I couldn’t handle it because I wanted to feel as if I controlled my world, when in fact I am controlled and defined according to and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to be used as a method of control to keep human beings in my world as I want them to be so that I can make sure that I don’t have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change me to conform and condition myself to who and what exists within this world according to the value I’ve placed in money to be accepted and noticed – instead of me living me as who I am in self-honesty in every moment of breath according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to supporting and assisting bringing awareness to the fact that fear of change is not who you really are.

I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where all change within our world/money system is based according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to proving in self-honesty that the change that Equal Money will allow for every single living being within this world is beyond the limited imagination of our mind as consciousness and thus I will not stop til all living beings is supported in every way with Equal Money.

Join us as we Stand up for and as All Life and change Everything, with Equal Money.


Please read the following blogs for further perspectives and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life