Tag Archive | ‘self help’

Day 285: Letting go of holding on to what used to be

Today I stumbled upon the picture of a couple celebrating 40 years of marriage. Now, I knew them when they were a newly married couple and very much a part of my life, some 40 years ago. I was 18, newly married with a baby boy who was less than a year old when I first met them. My then husband and I met them through a new church we were trying out at the time. Him and I would go on to spend some 7 years of our life hanging out with the them and some other couple’s – all of us were part of a young couple’s group that at the time was growing rapidly with many babies on the way.

what used to be

So I haven’t seen or even heard anything about this couple for at least 30 years, which is around the time that my first marriage ended and I just never saw them again. My ex got custody of our church friends and the church, so seeing the picture of the two of them together celebrating 40 years of marriage triggered a memory of my life with them in it and what I noticed upon seeing it was how within me. I felt a sort of odd comforting energetic sadness.

The oddly familiar emotion / energy is the same as I’ve been aware of going on within me for awhile now. So with the thing coming up again I realize that here’s another opportunity to fall for it or face it straight on and not participate in the energy of the thing. Instead I focus on breathing and continue on without the energy but remaining aware of how within the memory is this sadness / emotion within the idea and self-judgments and fear of loss I have towards myself within my mind in seeing myself growing old..

The topic of growing old and all that it entails has been a familiar topic as of late within the group that my partner and I are apart of, and I highly recommend one watch the Senior Live Google Hangouts for awesome support for topics regarding growing older.

Ok so what I realized when I saw the picture of them looking 40 years older was a moment where within me, I missed me, the me I was when I was with them way back then. For a moment I saw who I was in the memory and I wanted to take in the energy as comfort as if it were real. Instead, I was able to Stop, to breathe and remain aware of myself as I investigated the memory and directed myself to not allow myself to be taken over by it and I realized how growing old feels like the death of ourself, like grieving for ourself.

And I mean, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the face of myself when I was 20, or 30 or even 40! And the thing about growing old is that no one prepares us for it. Sure no one wants to die, but no one really wants to start looking old either. Oh sure people joke about it or even lie and say they enjoy being older… But, ask most people who are over 55 and they’ll tell you that one of the hardest things about getting older is that it’s like you become invisible to others. It’s like people don’t really look at older folks, and anyone who is used to getting attention / energy – based on how they look for example – for them, growing old may mean the beginning of depression and / or feelings of isolation.

Both depression and isolating myself from others is something that I’ve written much self-forgiveness for and yet the point of growing old and how that feels within myself, is one I continue to investigate with the tools I’ve come to learn through Desteni I Process Pro . Together with those tools, and having cancer, I have the opportunity to physically reverse some of the damage that I’ve caused to my physical body through how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be through and as my mind.

I see, realize and understand that, specifically with forgiving myself and letting go of holding on to what used to be. I see how within what feels like grief or sadness is actually a reaction of energy within the ‘fear of loss‘ and ‘fear of letting go’ construct. Seeing that,, I had to ask myself what holding onto things within myself within the construct of ‘fear of loss’ and ‘fear of letting go’ – how is being that construct, controlling and influencing my physical body..?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be in a constant state of fear that something may or might be lost and within that, I forgive myself for the adrenaline that comes up within my physical body as stress within the fear of ‘I must be ready’, for if and when something goes wrong that would cause me to lose control or cause me to lose my relationship to that something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words, ‘you can’t control it’ within the ‘fear of loss’ and ‘fear of letting go’ construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the relationship between the words; ‘letting go’ and ‘control’ – where I’ve created an illusion that if I don’t control something or someone I will lose it/them and/or I will lose the context of myself in relation to that something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how that control and fear of loss relationship that the emotional energy creates is a physical tension within and as my physical body and how that physical tension imposes stress within and on the physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my relationship with regards to how I react to the idea of letting go of fear of loss becomes similar to the grieving process because it’s who and how I’ve always existed as, thus, participation in any memory / thoughts of growing old and/or grief / sadness of who I used to be is simply because I’ve not yet walked a physical application where I do NOT react when fear of loss and letting go are triggered and / or when thoughts come up within emotions of sadness / grief, therefore, I commit myself to when and as I react in fear of loss and/or fear of letting go in relations to someone or something within my life I stop, I breathe, I apply self-forgiveness in the moment and let go and release, to move myself and Direct myself to Stand within the Decision to let it go.

I commit myself to when and as I see a memory come up – where my mind begs me to remember what so and so did and said, and how wonderful it was in how I believe the memory makes me feel – that this is a red flag for me to know there is more to forgive, thus I commit myself to ask myself what about it do I want to hold onto and what is it about myself within it that I do not want to change – to assist myself to Stand within my Commitment to let go of the fear of loss / the fear of letting go and the feeling of growing old / grief / sadness.

I commit myself to know where I stand with people and things, where I Stop the illusion within my mind of believing that I have to hold onto something or someone and to instead redefine my relationship to it/them according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anything that can be lost, cannot and is Not real.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to continue to Investigate and Forgive myself for my relationship to things and people within the dimensions of control and fear of loss.

 

Day 280: Recognizing My Utmost Potential

Today I’ll be sharing how my life experience with having cancer, as well as the walking of my personal process, through writing and investigating who I am as my mind, and through applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, how I’ve been able to show myself that I Can change.  Through this process I’ve come to recognize and realize the potential that exists within me and so the ability to become a living example of the first principle from the Desteni of Living:  1. Realising and living my utmost potential

Before being diagnosed with Breast Cancer ,  I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, and I only slightly questioned the nutritional value if any within the food that I was eating. When I first began my Cancer Treatment Plan, which revolves around the Metabolic Diet, I knew that consistency is key and that I had to follow the plan to a T.

This I’ve been walking for 14 months and the accumulation of doing so is proving effective as I have less cancer in my body at this moment than I did this time last year.

Every day for the first 6 months were very difficult. I was physically weak and often felt mentally drained. I began to realize how dependent I was upon all the relationship energy that I would get when I’d go out to eat with people.  Within the pattern of having a simple cup of coffee with someone, was a shocking amount of emotions to release myself from.   Needless to say, my mind did not take kindly to me removing my favorite comfort foods, and it’s been interesting to become aware of how my physical body can physically repair itself quicker than the time it takes for my mind to forever stop a conditioned thought pattern.  Let me explain.

Who I am as my mind wasn’t getting it’s usual sugar fix and so the negative energetic emotions / reactions and all the thought patterns surrounding the removal of my favorite substance left a void within me that I had to face. The pattern had to be written out and looked at so that I could see the origin point and apply self-forgiveness.  I had to see and understand how I used food as a sort of substitution for myself in that I sought after feelings through food and beverage and without them, my mind would throw a tantrum.  So I had to constantly stop myself from drifting into a depression by focusing on my breathing and immediately applying self-forgiveness.  So but with my physical body, I continue to witness over and over it’s  incredible ability to repair itself from a week of heavy duty pancreatic enzyme therapy,  in just 5 Days!

Ok so going into this treatment plan, I knew I had to make a solid commitment to not waver because the cold hard truth is, my life and me living, depends upon me Not eating the things that provide no nutritional value, like chocolate cake and ice cream and pizza. There is little to no room for soothing or entertaining myself as my mind with junk food because the consequence of doing so, could prove deadly.

So assisting my physical body to clear itself of cancer has assisted me to become aware of myself as it.  And when one stops eating processed foods and the chemicals and preservatives and sugars and gluten, etc., something interesting begins to occur. It’s like the essence of your physical body with all of it’s physical senses, begins to slowly awaken.

The changes I’m referring to have been substantial and are living proof for me that the nature of the human can change because I’ve physically walked the change within and as and for myself.

It was almost 9 months in when I realized, OMG, all the mind chatter and irritation and tantrums with regards to not giving myself certain foods or drinks, have stopped!   And it’s cool because my mind now takes well to me directing myself as it with regards to what I eat to nourish who I am as my physical body.  And I’m aware more than ever  what and when my physical body is asking for a specific food and I’m aware of a balance within taking place.

And I mean,  I used to ‘think’ that I loved and craved pizza and cake but now, those desires and thoughts and the emotions that surrounded them, their mostly gone.  Now when I smell pizza cooking it’s no big deal, though it kind of smells like warmed up garbage to me now and lol, I’m getting better at remaining aware of how I use my words, because telling people that their food smells like a bag of hot trash slightly pisses them off I’ve come to realize.

change is possible

I can also say for sure that I will Never go back to eating processed foods, unless my situation is one where I have no choice in the matter. Because with how broken our current money system is, more and more people cannot afford to eat nutritionally.

Not being able to provide proper food and clean water for oneself is a point within our society that requires direction.   It’s time to re-educate ourselves and investigate what’s healthy for us in providing our physical body with an opportunity to perform as it’s supposed to.

Alright so when I first began my treatment plan, I had no idea how the hell I was going to live without things like, sugar, coffee, bread, pasta, pizza, etc.  Every morning I woke up to my mind complaining it’s way into my day, but no matter, I remained consistant and stuck to my treatment plan with the assistance of writing and self-forgiveness, because who I am as my physical body requires me to do so if I want to continue living, and I do.

So having cancer brought the opportunity for me to walk a practical application of re-designing who I am in relation to food and it’s a process I continue to walk.   I’m one of the lucky ones because I’ve had the tools provided through Desteni I Process to assist myself in taking on my mind through self forgiveness.

So instead of feeding my mind with junk food for entertainment purposes – I now thoroughly enjoy experimenting with new ways to prepare fruits and vegetables and I’m enjoying redefining who I am in relation to food and eating with the purpose to provide balanced nutrition for my physical body – without the need of feelings and emotions which cannot be trusted because I realized the intent behind them.  This then a living example of how I recognized and realized my ability to live my utmost potential.

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Suggest Reading & Following:

The Desteni of Living – My Utmost Potential: DAY 1

The Desteni of Living – Utmost Potential (Part 2): DAY 2

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Day 279: When you say nothing at all

Wanting to blame my partner for how I experience myself is unacceptable, but I want to nonetheless. The thoughts in my head tell the story of how “he” doesn’t have anything to say to me that hasn’t been said a hundred times before. And the thought that comes forth from there is ‘that’s what happens when you’ve been with someone for 22 years’.  As I continue to investigate I realize there’s really something else going on…

When I participate in specific thoughts, an energy arises from within me that begins in the pit of my stomach and ever so slowly moves upward toward my head region. For a moment there is a slight energetic excitement and I realize how within my mind, I want to say something to my partner. I want to tell him how to be and how he should act toward me. I want him to validate me so I can stop ‘feeling bad’ about myself and I mean, how strange is it really to desire such attention and control over another person…

As I stop and breathe,  I realize I’ve been here before.  The experience of self pity is a negative emotion and as I investigate deeper I see how I feel physically and mentally tired – which makes sense considering how when I participate in certain thoughts like, ‘why doesn’t he say something’, how that stimulates and or triggers the emotion of self pity which in itself seeks to reach for some kind of self validation.

why do i feel so badThe thing is, self pity keeps me stuck in a pit within myself. It’s like a pit stop within where I hold myself within a sort of a gut wrenching fear. The fear to look on, to investigate who I am, to continue to READ the story, My Story. To see who I am within what I’m accepting and allowing within my fear to face All of me. As I continue to investigate I am able to see where and when I began to ‘feel bad‘…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for being the reason for me having a negative experience of myself when what’s going on within me actually has nothing at all to do with how my partner is or isn’t behaving.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not always the emotion of self pity that is the source point but actually the outflow consequence of the actual source point which is the ‘feeling bad’ emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a relationship with myself wherein I attack myself within my mind within self judgment statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to self judgment as the thought comes up about myself of, ‘I’m not living up to my full potential‘, and for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘feeling bad’ emotion through participating in thoughts of self judgment which activates the’ self pity emotion’ and for what follows, which is ‘when’ I begin to seek validation, attention and / or recognition from someone and /or something outside myself such as in this instance, where I began to project frustration and anger to / towards my partner.

When and as I see myself having thoughts that are self judging, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to see this as a red flag for me to know it’s time to direct myself, to in self honesty investigate what it is that’s coming up within me that’s creating the ‘energy of feeling bad’ which is actually using my own mind against myself.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I manipulate myself through self judgment and self pity, what I’m doing is reacting to my own mind, where I use whatever thoughts necessary to distract myself, even if it means blaming others, just so long as I don’t have to face who I am as the story and the characters/personalities that I have lived my entire life as.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself as Life through self judgment, manipulation, blame and self pity.

I commit myself to remain aware of and so Stop abusing myself deliberately through self judgment, which activates feeling bad emotions and me feeling sorry for myself, which leads to the self pity energy.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how to stop and change my relationship to self pity through stopping my participation in the ‘feeling bad’ reaction moment within myself.

I commit myself to utilize my memories as reference points to find when and where and why and towards who or what is it that the ‘feeling bad’ energy keeps activating from and ultimately producing the self pity energy.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of feeling bad and self pity.

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“I suggest, if you can Find it in you – you’re going to have to Look Very Deep to Find this: That you DO STOP, and Start your Process. It is Inevitable. You’re not going to get Away. There is No place to Hide. Every Single Energy, Every Single Thought, Every Single Thing you have EVER, in ANY WAY Conceived – leave a ‘Mark’, in your Book of Life. Make sure – it’s Worth Reading. Because, if it’s Not: There’s going to be a Consequence, and you can’t just ‘Wipe it Out’. You can Only take Responsibility for it through Self-Forgiveness, and from that perspective ‘Delete it’, in as much as, it will No Longer be the ‘You’ that will Create the Future – but, it will be the ‘You’ in the Past. And therefore you will Live in the ‘Present’, in every Moment – Living, Presenting, Being part of That which is Best for All, Always, which is what “Present” encompass, the HERE.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 241: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The War on Cancer – Day 26

Alright so I’m just now recovering from a virus that was kicking my butt for about 5 days, so much so that I finally had to sit still, breathe and have a talk with/as it.  That sounds kind of weird even to me but the fact is it was in that very moment that I became aware of what was the beginning of me getting well.  When I became sick I had to stop taking my enzyme therapy so here I am again and tomorrow I will begin again with day 1 ‘On’ Enzyme therapy, as I’ve just finished day 5 ‘Off’ to give my body time to recover.

Ok so it’s been almost 3 months now since I was diagnosed with cancer and began the Metabolic Cancer Diet and I can only say that remaining consistent with it has been quite the challenge. The truth is if it weren’t for my consistency in applying the tools offered through Desteni for the past 5 years, there is No way I would have come close to having the discipline to do so. I consider myself quite capable and well prepared as a result of the Desteni Material to face myself within this Journey and I am committed to continue to share my story within blog posts to come.

countryroads39
I would also like to share how for the cancer patient, or for that matter, for anyone, it’s important that we stop the separation amongst us. Life in our world is hard as hell and until we come together as a Group and Stand as one peacefully, to bring about real change with a Real Solution – such as with Equal Money – nothing within our world will ever change.

I mean, we’re allowing the suffering of Millions while those who are rich are getting richer. We do Not have to continue to accept and allow our world to exist this way…

Alright, I will close for tonight sharing the following:

“The Cancer Victim should take careful note that the support organizations of these plunderers also derive their income as leeches from the ignorance abounding in the Cancer misinformation mania of our civilization. From the American Cancer Society, the National Cancer Institute, the various Aids organizations, to the Cancer Control Society, to the Cancer Clinics in Mexico, a lot of money and misinformation changes hands with very little TRUTH or HELP.

I am taking the liberty of listing briefly some of the techniques used by the Establishment since the 1960’s to SUPPRESS THE CANCER CURE, to maintain their control and further their 100 billion dollar a year “Cancer Racket.” My trials by Establishment experiences have been extensive in the field of medicine and particularly the area of CANCER. Your first reaction to this is to stop here and mark this off as the ranting and ravings of a religious right-wing NUT. However, you do have a brain, no matter how washed and laundered and programmed it may be.

The Medical Establishment does not want a CURE FOR CANCER and absolutely will not permit a CURE for any reason at any cost.

CANCER is a very simple dysfunction to properly treat.

The CANCER VICTIM must treat the cancer himself as the physicians in our society are not permitted to treat CANCER, only the effects of cancer.

It is most difficult to CURE your own cancer.

The Establishment deceives you with a multitude of tricks.

It takes dedication and hard work to follow the correct Metabolic Program

The Establishment plunders Cancer Victims.

Cancer Victims are used and abused Establishment research animals.

In 1904, only one American in 24 had cancer in his lifetime. In the 35 years since I cured myself of terminal pancreatic cancer and guided some 33,000 cancer victims to health, the CANCER RATE has increased from one in five, to now, as you read this, the CANCER RATE is one in two. And the Cancer Industry calls this Progress Against Cancer — the lie, the big lie. The War on Cancer is the plundering war of our peoples, not a war on cancer.” Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 240: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Pill Popper USA – Day 25

pillpopperI read an article today that reminded me that I used to be a pill popper. It was called: Confessions of a middle-class pill popper.

I took pills that provided me with whatever mood or rather energy I was searching for. I learned how to manipulate health care professionals until before long I had my own legal tender for the purchase of uppers and downers.

Throughout my life, I have through popping pills, put quite a strain upon my physical body, and even now, as I’m realizing the extent that drugs have on our pancreas, I question, how do I know that I would do it differently if I had the chance to?

I had a woman tell me recently, (after she heard about the Metabolic Diet),  that if she weren’t able to eat the things she loves – like cake and pie and fried chicken and mashed potatoes – that without those, she wouldn’t want to live. What does it say about us as a humanity when the energetic experience of doing so is so damn important that one implies they would rather die than go without something?

I never spoke it out loud, but in my secret mind, I used to think the same about going without pain pills or the adderall that I used to take daily.  I depended upon and looked forward to my daily buzz.

Every single day for at least 12 years, I took some kind of prescription medication because I was convinced that I needed some sort of high to make it through my day. And after all, my Doctor prescribed them, so what I took was ‘legal’ in my mind, and I was sure they enhanced my ability to function.  Not!

It’s been just over 5 years since I stopped popping pills. I was able to stop through applying the tools suggested by Desteni. Before then, I never considered the accumulated effect that taking pills every day would eventually take on my physical body. I never really considered that over loading my body daily with chemicals would overwork my pancreas which can lead to cancer...I’m not saying that everyone who abuses their body with popping pills will get cancer, however, there is always a physical consequence to be considered when there is abuse allowed.

I also never considered how much profit was made off of me by the Pharmaceutical Industry. They survive off of addictive behaviors, mental illness and diseases such as cancer. Just recently I was talking on the phone to a relative of mine who’s 75 years old with lung disease and on oxygen. He was complaining about how much money he pays the Pharmaceutical Industry every month. How for just over 9 years he’s had to take two prescriptions that his Doctor prescribes for his lung illness and between just those two medications, he spends $900 a month. He spends another $300 or so on other meds as well. His monthly pension check barely covers the price for all of them.

The thing is, millions of people every day take pills.   It’s time we begin to question the chemicals we’re putting in our physical body.  We are long over due to see the common sense to our situation within our world. I mean, at what point do we finally step back and assess our world/money system and finally put a Stop to living in ways and means which are killing us? When will we realize that our behaviors, our endless search of energetic experiences, are leading to our demise? When will we change the very nature of the system that keeps sucking us in? When will we recognize that there IS a Solution?

Investigate Equal Money

Must Read:

Day 140: I Need Adderall: Requirement, Addiction, or Justification? 

 Day 379: This is for all You Pill Poppers

Day 381: Don’t Blame Me! I have a Disease!

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if One Cannot Exist in the flesh as what is Best for all Life in Limitation, One will also not Be able to Exist as What is Best for Life in any other Reality, and as such will be Making a Decision that One is in Fact NOT Life, as is Demonstrated at Death – if one Could Have Seen Beyond Death, but One Can Only See What One in fact is, and that which is NOT Life, but only Energy, can Only See Energy and Remains as Energy, Cycling Infinitely as Energy, never to Actually Become Life for real.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to SHOW that as Long as Energy is the Dictator, the Result will be a Dictatorship where Life is Not Honored and the Self-interest of Energy will Prevail, as Energy Requires Energy to Continue, and Once Energy Ends, the Image and Likeness Energy Formed, Ends.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 239: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Grounding myself – Day 24

For Context Read: Day 238: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Four Laws of Cancer – Day 23

Two days of sweating for 35 minutes in a portable sauna and already my physical weakness subsides. I increased my enzyme intake to taking 12 six times today, and usually, this causes me to feel physically heavy, however, sweating out some of the toxins certainly made a difference. This being my 5th day back ‘On’ the enzymes, is also the day that i usually experience a kind of brain fog that usually lasts about 24 hours, but today, it seems that that is also slighter.
309344_10150362563181181_662416180_10490875_1784826_nOne thing I’m realizing is how I’ve always taken for granted the very things I have to have in order for my physical body to sustain itself. Like clean drinking water for instance, that’s an important luxury within our world where millions go without.

I mean I cannot afford to ingest water with chemicals in it because I cannot afford to waste any pancreatic enzymes on dissolving chemicals when I need them to dissolve the cancer.  And yet look at our world/money system.  It simply doesn’t provide adequate water supply to Everybody even though common sense says it should.

Another thing I’m realizing is how much I am dependent upon positive energetic experiences that I get from what seems like the simplest of things. Things that I haven’t completely given up yet, like for instance splurging on a cup of coffee or even a piece of gum – both of which are not allowed on the Metabolic diet regime.

But I mean when it comes down to it, what will I give up so that I may live?  And why is it within our world giving up is the thing we do that we call living?

I must say that I am only beginning to realize the depth of my illusion and the extent that me as my mind will go to keep my illusion intact – which is actually an absense of control within an illusion of being in control.

An important question that keeps me grounded during those times when the desire to partake overwhelms me, is to ask myself: Will the decision I make fit into the Equality Equation and will it stand according to What’s best for All?  That keeps everything in perspective.

Alright it’s time for bed…

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  Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 238: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Four Laws of Cancer – Day 23

The following taken from the Book: One answer to Cancer by William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

The Four Laws of Cancer
You cannot have cancer unless three factors are present.

These three factors are:
The presence of an ectopic germ cell
The stimulating presence of the female sex hormones
A deficiency of active pancreatic enzymes

First Law: The Body Fails to Produce an Adequate Amount of Active Pancreatic Enzymes for One of Three Reasons:

83% — Overworking the pancreas by the intake of too much protein
10% — Neurological injury to pancreatic enzyme production
7% — Malfunction of body chemistry inactivating the enzymes

Second Law:  Protein Is Gradually Sapped from Muscles

Our research indicates that in 93% of all cancer cases the development of cancer is gradual. The average cancer patient has had cancer 39 months before it is clinically diagnosed. The important factor here is not that it is slow growing, but rather what happens to the body during this growth time — the body must have protein to live, but during this 39 months the body could not get enough protein from its food supply. Therefore, to keep the blood protein at a minimal level to sustain life, the body very gradually saps or destroys the muscles of the body.

Third Law:  Damaged Tissue and Female Hormones at the Site of a Latent, Misplaced Ectopic Germ Cell Set the Scene for Cancer

At this point the conditions are ripe for the symptom cancer to develop. All that is needed is something to stimulate the female sex hormone formation at the site of a misplaced ectopic germ cell. This is most often done by scar formation caused by a blow, a bruise, a drop of tar in the lung, a sun burn, an overdose of X-ray, or anything else that can cause a normal scar formation procedure to take place in the body — at the site of a latent ectopic germ cell. This is normal wear and tear of the body, which happens to each of us every day; it is only when our protein metabolism is deficient that the symptom cancer develops.

Now the ectopic germ cell mistakenly thinks it is time to have a baby and starts growing a placenta (cancer) in preparation for a baby that never develops. The only trouble is, without proper amounts of pancreatic enzymes circulating in our bloodstream to dissolve this abnormal placenta, it keeps growing and does not stop. When the patient finally consults the physician the condition of cancer is announced and surgery, radiation and chemotherapy are recommended.

Fourth Law: For Cancer To Be Cured There Must Be A Positive Change In The Physiology Of The Patient

If nothing changes in the physiology of the patient, the cancer grows until it destroys the body. If something positive changes in the physiology of the patient one of two things can happen:

One person with cancer lasts a long time while another person with the same type of cancer goes rapidly — and, before now, no one knew why.

The right combination of circumstances occurs, and the cancer is dissolved or cured.

Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
equallife00
Metabolic Ignorance

There are many causes for the failure of our pancreatic metabolic function. Often more than one cause exists simultaneously within the cancer patient. Listed below are some of these and all must be considered as possible or ruled out as non-causative in each cancer patient:

  • The pancreas fails to produce an adequate quantity of enzymes.
  • We take into our bodies such large quantities of foods, which require pancreatic enzymes for their digestion, that there are no enzymes available for cancer digestion.
  • Diet: Incorrect type, amount, and timing of nutritional intake.
  • Nutritional Components are not available (vitamins, minerals, amino acids, etc.) that are necessary for normal metabolism within the pancreas.
  • We may fail to take into our diet enough minerals, which are essential to release the enzymes into activity.
  • We may produce enough enzymes but we fail to take into our diet enough coenzymes (vitamins) to make the enzymes work.
  • Failure of the Small Intestine to make adequate pancreatic activators.
  • Obstruction of pancreatic secretion flow.
  • Often we produce enough enzymes, but the blood supply to a cancer area is so poor the enzymes we produce are not carried to the area.
  • Proper pH Balance (acid/alkaline balance) within the intestinal tract and/or within the cancer tumor mass.
  • Infection: Bacterial or viral.
  • Chemical Poisons within the patient’s body from the environment, food chain, drugs, metabolic wastes or medications.
  • Man Made Biologicals: Viruses or infectious agents.
  • Emotional instability and/or trauma.
  • Non-Absorption of pancreatic secretions (pancreatin) from the intestines into the body due to scarring or damage to the small intestine from various diseases.
  • Our bodies produce anti-enzyme factors. These factors keep the enzymes from digesting our own bodies. Sometimes we produce an over-abundant supply of these anti-enzyme factors.
  • Balance: Instability and weakness of the autonomic nervous system.
  • Genetic: Inheriting a very small, or weak or defective (ineffective) pancreas.
  • Radiation Damage such as from therapeutic procedures, etc.

“The most essential part of resolving the metabolic malfunction of those with pancreatic failure is to get the enzymes to the affiliated areas of deterioration. We must have enough enzymes there to stop any further deterioration of body tissue.” William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

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Alright so, today is my 4th day ‘ON’, meaning that I’m currently taking 10 pancreatic enzymes 6 times a day. This with the combined effort of vitamin B17 therapy is assisting my physical body to dissolve the lump/cancer. This is my third time on the enzymes and the longest time I’ve been able to stay on them before extreme symptoms of toxicity begins,  is 14 days. At that point I go OFF the enzymes and B17 for 5 days to give my body the time to repair itself.

I also just received the results and a baseline number for my HCG Specimen Test.

Dear Cathy,
Your HCG Test Result on 06/05/2013 is:
Index + 4,(53.0 Int. Units)

Please read here about the HCG Specimen Test

Ideally my next test will show an increase in the index before it decreases, which will mean that my treatment thus far is effective. Every day I’m becoming more and more aware of when I experience pain and changes in my physical body. For instance today I experienced pain in my left groin area which coincided with me participating in thoughts where I was doubting myself. It’s also important to note that there is some change that I can physically see to the lump in that it appears to be breaking up and/or reducing some in size, though it’s very subtle.
With the amount of pancreatic enzymes I’m up to now it’s normal that I experience physical weakness, nausea and/or headaches as well as other symptoms. I take care in making sure I don’t over exert myself and recently bought a portable sauna for a cheap price and was able to use it for the first time today. Afterwards I noticed a decrease in pain in my upper back. Sweating is also great for our cardiovascular system.

I’m very fortunate that at the moment we’re able to afford the things I require to continue with the alternative treatment that I’ve chosen. Plenty do not have such an opportunity.

I saw a woman on the news this evening who has been homeless with breast cancer and hasn’t been able to do anything to assist herself. She had just been given a small apartment and will now be given some help to be able to begin orthodox treatment such as radiation and chemo. Those are the only options she has to choose from and I see that as unacceptable. I mean life would be so much simpler with Equal Money and I can’t help but wonder what kind of hell is going to have to break loose on earth before we come together and give as we’d like to receive...

***Please remember:  This is my specific alternative treatment plan and I am in no way claiming this to be some sort of miracle cure.***

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 237: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – My Death Illusion – Day 22

On April 17 2013, after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I began applying the Metabolic Cancer Cure regime – which includes nutrition therapy, enzyme and vitamin therapy. For further clarity please read One Answer to Cancer.

As I’ve shared before, following the diet has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done and what I’m realizing is that as I’ve been designing my daily routine I’ve been aware of how I’ve been withdrawing within myself in fear, isolation and paranoia within an illusion that I have about what my death will be like.   The illusion itself has been an effective manipulation tool and one I’ve secretly held within me as I’ve focused on making sure my daily routine resulted in an adequate healing environment for my physical body – all the while secretly participating in my illusion of death which fueled inner backchat / internal conversations and evolved into paranoia.

Artwork by Matti Freeman
system equalityThere is also a relationship connection where my paranoia conflicts with the daily commitment I made to myself to  investigate who I am as consciousness as my mind –  the committment to write and keep a daily account of my process and to forgive and redesign myself according to what’s best for all.

So, instead of applying myself with writing and self-forgiveness /self-correction  – I’ve been paranoid and experiencing resistance to daily writing and as a result, I’ve not been consistent with documenting my process of walking with breast cancer.   So, what I’m realizing is that not doing so is manifesting more fear / paranoia within me which serves to fuel the very thing as the resistance that I’m having difficulty moving through and thus I haven’t been able to face the reality of who I am within this all.

And, I mean I’ve only recently become aware of how, with regards to death and dying, I’ve had a fairytale about it in how I ‘thought’ my death would be. So now, facing the reality of how much pleasure I’ve taken from my own death illusion, it’s like, it’s quite disturbing…Because, within my secret mind, for years I’ve imagined that I would die in my sleep, kind of graceful like – similar to what’s described in the Eqafe interview: Dying in your Sleep – Death Research, which certainly got my attention. It’s a Must hear!

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Illusion is the first of all pleasures.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a preference in how I will die because I’ve defined death and dying as having failed at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my death will be like the fairy tales I grew up with where the death and dying experience is romanticized as something that can be done gracefully.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a paranoia from within an energetic reactive relationship to my fear within the idea of what will happen to me now that I have breast cancer and within that for participating in the backchat / thoughts further fueling the illusion within my mind and therefore keeping myself in inner conflict which produces resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so caught up in fear, paranoia and an illusion of how Not to experience death that I never actually considered what it would mean to live life without suppression, control and domination as how we exist now within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give pleasure and meaning to my illusions of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the past as a memory / illusion onto myself as the thought of how I would walk my process if I were to become ill/sick/diseased.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energy within the fear of dying to take me into a state of paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid investigating the pre-existing memories / relationships and programming in relation to death within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in relation to death I have an entire personality system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and therefore give up on life.

When and as I see myself wanting to react in/ as a negative and/or positive energetic experience specifically related to the idea/ illusions that I have about dying from cancer, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that me as my mind is using energy to justify my fear of facing the reality of my situation, as that of having cancer and the fear of dying from cancer.

I commit myself to stop justifying and giving myself reasons why it’s ok to avoid facing my fear of dying from cancer which is actually a fear of taking self responsibility for what is actually real within my reality therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing who I am void of my illusions / fairytales in relationship to the reality of life and death.

I commit myself to further investigate who I am in relation to death as a personality system and to one by one stop the illusions of the happily ever after life and death fairytales within my mind.

I commit myself to assist and support myself in my process in realizing the life opportunity that exists within being here with the ability to write myself to freedom with No regrets as I continue here my Journey to Life in calling the beast by it’s name and facing who I am as breast cancer by/through beginning in this moment to document and blog this my Journey to Life.

I commit myself to face reality, to come to terms with how this reality actually exist within our current world/money system so that I can place myself in a position to change it to one that supports life according to what’s best for all.

more to come…

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“The point of Writing is to Prepare oneself to Overcome the Ideology that Consciousness presents as Individuality. It’s not making things pretty, because pretty only exist in Consciousness. Writing separates those that will be able to eventually become equal as Life from those that will Not. Because those that will – do the Physical part of Writing, will demonstrate and be able to empower themselves to structurally co-exist with other living forms and First get the Importance that only as a group, where no Individuality exists that seek self interest – will be able to Bring the Primary Group on Earth, which is Life, to Fruition. So, Consciousness in itself is the greatest limitation, because it limits one to your individual illusion and Consciousness always argues for its right to be limited, because through that: it can claim it’s not responsible for what is actually happening on Earth. Thought in itself is a representation of the acceptance of Limitation to Individual Illusion. When Life is Realised: the Illusion of Individuality disappears and Life Remains. Yet, an Astounding event emerges – REAL Individual Form in Great Unique Magnificence emerge, one that exists as Glory of Life without Fear.” – Bernard Poolman

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 236: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Fear of Death – Day 21

For Context Read:
Day 215: The results show

For exactly 63 days now, at least once a day, I’ll have a sudden rush of energy swell up within me – within the center of my body, between my upper back and my upper chest area and depending on what triggers it, it may produce intense momentary pain. And it scares the hell out of me when it happens.

Now, this particular point began 63 days ago when I was told that I have breast cancer. Every day since then, the fear of dying comes for me to face, and there is much resistance.

Artwork by Mike Lammers
avoidance1 As I’ve been investigating this and asking myself some questions, I’ve come to discover that what I fear losing are the relationships that I have, like my relationship with my daughter and my partner for instance. But what is it that I fear losing exactly? I fear losing control, or rather I fear losing the perception within my mind of being in control.

And I mean, I have placed value in every relationship I have and that value can be measured in energy within the starting point of fear. Fear of losing control and fear of loss.  But the fear of loss is the fear of losing the value / definition I’ve given to myself through the energy of /as the relationship.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying for completely selfish reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking my last breath because I see, realize and understand that how I have perceived that moment to be is in fact Not real and exists only within my mind and therefore I commit myself to when and as I see myself triggered by a memory or a thought within the idea and fear of taking my last breath, I stop. I focus on my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in shame and fear within the need to have or be with someone / in a relationship in order to confirm the definition I have of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to hold myself into and with a relationship with my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an unwillingness to look at my fear of death in self honesty, to see for myself who, what and how I am equal and one with / as my fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control of the need to worry over and protect my children, and for the reactions/energetic experience I create for myself as one of being a hero as a result of my fear of losing control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in my relationships according to the level of manipulation that I’ve used to control others and/or to fulfill my idea/perception of being in control based upon a positive energy experience/charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to abdicate taking responsibility for how our current world/money system exists.

I commit myself to let go of and stop worrying over and believing in the urge to protect my children because I see, realize and understand that they’re okay and will be okay and I commit myself to move myself to face all of me.

When and as I see myself participating in a negative energy experience within the fear of dying, I stop. I Breathe. Instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that it is not possible to lose myself therefore, I commit myself to stand for me in and as breath here.

I commit myself to give myself the chance to forgive my fear of leaving or losing myself.

I commit myself to redirect amd redefine who I am within and as my relationships according to what’s best for all.

Alright, more to come.

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 235: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Cancer Paranoia – Day 20

There is a tremendous amount of paranoia within our society about cancer and the fear of getting it. In 1981, when a childhood friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer at 21, I was only slightly moved by the news of it … I was 22, married with two small children, and life, seemed to be passing me by. I was oblivious to the goings on within the world as a whole. I was too busy being consumed with finding a job that paid enough to feed and clothe my kids and hopefully a job I didn’t totally hate to go to.

I didn’t allow myself to take even a moment to realize how every time I heard about her cancer I cringed inside with paranoia, fear of the same thing happening to me. Instead I found comfort in entertainment/photography, things that I used to distract myself and, I believed the secret thoughts in my head that said, ‘naw, that’ll never happen to me’…

Here 32 years later, I have breast cancer

Now when you’re told you have cancer, you become paranoid, bombarded with thoughts. Your mind can be characterized as a kind of suspiciousness with extremely fearful thought patterns focused on the fear of dying. So it’s easy to see how the traditional orthodox treatments for cancer are accepted and followed through with in fear of dying within a state of paranoia. So, I mean paranoia is a mental disorder where the consequences of existing in such a state-of-mind, can be deadly.

“Paranoia is Just a ‘pretty word,’ Meaningless in a way because Conveniently anything that seems to be ‘Abnormal’ may be classified as Paranoia, so it Needs to have a Word that is More Specific. Paranoia comes from the ‘Para-Noise’, the Paranoise comes from the Paranormal, the Paranormal comes from the Parapsychology and the Parapsychology is the Study of ‘Strange Events’ . But Not really – it is just Studying things that you Cannot Really Physically Touch like Ghosts and Thoughts, because Thoughts are like Ghosts: they are here now and then they’re Gone – in a Few Hours You Will Not be able to Remember the Exact Thought you had, you’ll be able to say “I Thought About” but You will Not Be Able to Recall the Exact Thought and Have it in Exactly the Same Way – also when you are Thinking about Something and Specially during the stage of the Developing Paranoia, the Thought will Repeat itself but In that Process, the Thought will Develop. So the Thought will be Changing and Progressively become More Obsessive and It Will Move You as the One having the ‘Paranoise’ the Paranoid Thought more and more to the Center of the Thought Convincing you that ‘the Thought is Right’ and you will so Change even Your Memory Eventually Claiming that ‘You are Right’.” Bernard Poolman

EqualifeInvestigating further into my past of paranoia,,,

The date was January 18, 1977, I was 17, married, had a newborn baby and paranoid as hell at just becoming a mom. In my paranoia I wouldn’t notice that the very treatment I would some day seek to treat my own cancer, was being fought for in a court of law.

Acting as his own defense attorney, John A. Richardson, M.D., was going to trial, for the 4th time. Here is part of his opening statement:

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury: You are sitting in judgment of a case that may be one of the most important in American history. The issue is not smuggling, but literally whether medical science is to be frozen by bureaucratic fiat.

The lives of millions are in the balance. I am charged with conspiracy to smuggle – but the purpose of this prosecution is not to punish a smuggler – but forever to chain the advancement of medical science to political whim…

The logical question now is why everybody would get so excited about a doctor using Vitamin B17 in his practice. This is a simple question, but the answer is very complicated. Let me try to make sense out of it for you.

Every year more than 370,000 Americans are killed by cancer. It is by far the most feared of the deadly diseases. Man has with little success, been looking for a cure to this horrible killer for ages. Much of the research has been sponsored by the American Cancer Society, established long ago by the Rockefeller family and some of its business friends. Since they were in the petroleum and drug businesses they were interested in looking for a solution to this cancer threat that involved the use of synthetic drugs. As it happens, most synthetic drugs have a coal-tar base; that is, they are derivatives of petroleum. Over the past several decades the American Cancer Society has financed and directed the vast majority of the cancer research in this country through grants. There may or may not have been something sinister in all this, but the point is that if you wanted money to do cancer research you were most likely to get it by looking in an area which involves the use of coal-tar-based chemicals and assorted synthetic medicines.

Maybe they have not been looking in the right place. There is another theory on the prevention and control of cancer. This lies in the field of orthomolecular medicine. That is the term coined in 1968 by Linus Pauling, the famous Nobel laureate.” ~John A. Richardson, M.D.,

“Our research shows that the incidence and severity of cancer depends upon diet.” Linus Pauling

“Probably the most difficult thing to understand about all this, is that men of science could be so foolish as to foreclose the avenue suggested by Pauling and others. Cancer is such a horrible disease that it staggers the mind to think that every possibility of finding a means of prevention or remedy is not being exhaustively explored. Cynics have pointed out that with the billions of dollars flowing into cancer research – that is, cancer research of the “right” kind – there is more money to be made looking for a cure than in actually finding it. The trouble is, as I have explained, that scientists are being financed to look for the answer to cancer only within the realm of traditional cancer therapies. They have not been able to get money to investigate the field of nutrition as it relates to cancer.

There is an obvious tendency for the federally regulated big drug companies, the medical politicians of the American Cancer Society, and the Food and Drug Administration to act as one big happy family. We all know that many generals and admirals leave the Pentagon and retire to cushy jobs with defense contractors. Then they proceed to negotiate defense contracts with their old chums. This fact of political life has received a fair amount of publicity. What has received virtually no publicity is the fact that the same kind of musical chairs is played among the drug company giants, the AMA, and the Food and Drug Administration. Much of this, incidentally has been brought out by Senator William Proxmire of Wisconsin. 

What it all means is that, by operating in both the private and public sectors, a powerful clique has a hammerlock on research and treatment in the field of cancer. If you are on their team and play the cancer game their way, you are respectable and you get public recognition with lots of generous grants. If you are not on their team and persist, you will be vilified as a quack preying upon the suffering of others.

The oil companies want to sell petroleum products to the pharmaceutical companies. The drug companies want to sell their products to doctors and hospitals. Doctors are trained to do so, and ignorant of other alternatives in indicated cases, want to perform operations and use radiation and chemotherapy. Scientists want grants. Bureaucrats want to expand their authority by getting the federal government more and more involved in medicine, and they recognize the fear of cancer as an excuse for doing so.” ~John A. Richardson, M.D., Laetrile Case Histories

Alright so it is absolutely vital that we investigate who we are as paranoia so that we can make decisions for ourself and our world according to what’s best for all.  Profiting off the suffering of others is quite the debt to pay, and, one that will accumulate until it touches everyone of us.   Investigate the Solution as part of The Equal Life Foundation.

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“So, with this – we are living in absolute unawareness to the ‘debt as consequence’ we are accumulating in our mind-physical relationship, with the consequence the mind create in the body, our relationship to others, the consequence we’re accumulating for ourselves in our responsibility for what we accept/allow to do in thought, word and deed and how it affect/influence ourselves and others, and the consequence we’re accumulating in this physical existence with doing NOTHING to practically change life one earth that we are continuing to just accept and allow without change. Thus, consequence is DEBT accumulating, we ‘owe Responsibility’ in the sense that – we’re NOT taking responsibility for what we DO and who we are within it, we just ignore/deny/resist/suppress it. Not realising that the DEBT, the Consequence is not going anywhere – it’s busy accumulating internally and externally, this one can hear in the Future of Consciousness Series as well as just investigating/educating yourself with regards to the REALITY of how this World System/Money System currently functions.” Sunette Spies

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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LECTURE BY MR. G. EDWARD GRIFFIN
Author of “World Without Cancer: The Story of Vitamin B–17”