Tag Archive | Value

Day 278: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

It’s been just over 6 and a half years since I first began to take responsibility for myself by applying self forgiveness and walking a process of self corrected application. This I’ve been able to do through applying the tools provided through Desteni and the Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Course offered through Desteni I Process.

What I realized the most about myself in the beginning was that I didn’t have any real self-direction, meaning: for my entire life I had just sort of, ‘followed the crowd’. I did only what I absolutely had to do to survive in this world and frankly, I hated how hard life is when money is scarce, and I had practically given up on humanity because basically, I’d given up on myself.

The big game changer for me was when I failed to pay some fines that I owed to the county, not paying and not completing the conditions of my sentencing landed me in solitary confinement for 2 days, and then jail for 2 weeks. In solitary confinement all I had was myself and the thoughts in my head, and it was then that I knew I had to learn how to stop my thoughts instead of letting the fear of them possess me to the point that I was creating all kinds of unwanted consequences for myself.

Fortunately, the Desteni material assisted me to get a hold of myself, so to speak, to stop running from myself, and interestingly enough, when I began to face myself is when I began to realize that I can no longer allow myself to turn a blind eye to all the suffering in this world from poverty and war for profit.

Art By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Marlen art - stop separationSo 6 1/2 years ago, I made the decision to stand up, to take responsibility for myself through writing and self forgiveness and I will continue to do so as I walk my Journey to Life within the realization that life on earth is Not being lived to it’s full potential, and that a great change is not only needed, it is inevitable – what with the great inequalities that we continue to accept and allow to exist within and as our world.

As I continued to comprehend the level of my own brainwashing and the patterns and mind-sets that I’ve allowed to control and direct me, what I knew then, and I’m sure of,  is that there is no turning back. Now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of understanding who I am as my mind as consciousness, and seeing what I’ve been accepting and allowing, I know that I can never again deny myself the chance to in self honesty,  change the very nature of myself for real, through walking the path of Principled Living.

This then the story of How and Why: I commit myself to live by the following Principles, which represent life in a way where the Living experience itself, as Life lived on Earth, may always be in support of Life before profit, as All living beings will be forever recognized and cared for Equally as One.

In posts to come – I will walk practical examples of how I apply / live these principles.

The Desteni of Living

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

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Day 262: A day late and a dollar short

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting here enjoying the sites of fresh fallen snow and the aroma of the vegetable broth brewing on the stove (my partner and I started it first thing when we woke up this morning) and also the smell of a roaring fire just outside my window that my partner just got going. All of it, for me, makes for the perfect day.

So, not to sound all ‘scent’imental’, lol, no pun intended, but I’m realizing more and more how life begins when we begin to develop an awareness of our personal responsibility to become accountable for how our world exists. To educate oneself to understand what it takes these days to survive in this world so to be able to enjoy the simplest of things. For example, what does one have to do/be/become in order to have a warm home in which to enjoy the beauty of a fresh fallen snow and cooking one’s favorite meal

Ok so my point is, as I sat enjoying the snow and the aroma’s all around me, a memory was triggered and I saw how my mind took me back to something my mom used to say, she’d say: I’m a day late and a dollar short. I remember how her words captured me within a way where I was unable to rectify her meaning. I didn’t really understand her choice of words but the tone within which she spoke them gave me clarity on how she felt.  I knew she had allowed herself a missed opportunity and was caught inexcusably unprepared for it.  It is only now that I understand the underlying implications and the utmost importance the experience held on as.
day late and a dollar short
The problem is in the value we give to time and money.  How we seem to unknowingly become the trip our mind chooses for us to take and as the human, we willingly give value to our accepted variety of cultures, belief systems, habits and/or addictions.

We secretly believe in feeling as if we’re always a day late and a dollar short,  so it’s like we keep chasing/looking for some sort of fulfillment. Yep, it’s time for us to Stop participating in how consciousness wants to direct us and instead realize that we can Direct ourself.

As Consciousness,  we’ll seek, plan, prepare and organize for a secured life for ourself and our family and in self interest, we forget to value everyone as we ignore the suffering of others.  There’s no longer anywhere to hide.   We understand how deadly our Current Money System is, where even the simplest of pleasures require time and money and the majority of us don’t seem to have enough of either .

When my partner and I go to town it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to get to the store and another hour to get home.  Time and the Money…  Recently, we spent 128.00 U.S. Dollars for a few veggies, fruits, mushrooms and a package of organic tea!

It’s crazy because the experience of Life in it’s simplest form of day to day survival, has become so expensive that’s it’s not only embarrassing, it’s downright criminal.   I mean seriously, making a living and a life for oneself could be a Journey to Life, to self perfection.

Making a living and a life within a system where everyone is guaranteed a living wage,  where you can learn to depend upon yourself,  whereby becoming responsible and accountable and capable of Stopping what we’ve accepted and allowed.  It is only then that  we’ll begin to share with Everyone all that this physical Earth experience offers for Each one of us.

No one should have to live ‘a day late and a dollar short’ kind of lifestyle.

No one should have to beg for food.

No one should be able to have a home unless Everyone is able to have a home.

No one should be afraid of a hard days work simply because they’re not paid enough to do it.

No one should go to bed hungry.

No one should go to bed cold.

No one should ever suffer because of lack of.

Everyone should be able to determine what their skills are and how they’ll be able to contribute to making a living in this world toward creating  Heaven on Earth as we implement the Simple Law, ‘Give as You would like to Receive’.

I commit myself to direct myself to show that the only chance for Life on Earth to continue will be for the human to come together as a group in agreement in full commitment to each other, to create a World that behaves according to what’s best for All.

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“What makes one life more, or less than any other life? What makes one life any more, or less, worthy than any other life? What gives any one life more, or less, value than another? Why should the end of one life be felt more, or less, keenly than another? Why should the suffering of one life be regarded as more, or less, important than another?” Cerise Poolman, Activist’s Journey to Life

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Day 198: Water: Problem, Solution, Reward

water

“This is not a film about saving the environment. It’s a film about saving ourselves. Because whatever one’s environmental, political, or religious opinions, whatever one’s race, sex or economic standing, whomever of us goes without water for a week, cries blood.” ~ Quote from the Documentary: Blue Gold: World Water Wars

When I finished watching the documentary: Blue Gold: World Water Wars, I was somewhat speechless as the realization of our world water supply/situation settled within me. It’s like one of those moments when you know you’ve got something so important that you must share with others – something that is life-changing, literally. And in the same moment you realize how important what you have to share is, you’re almost fearful that those that you share with, won’t take the seriousness of our situation here on earth to heart, but you know you have to share nonetheless. Where to begin…

The Problem:

Our Physical body has to have water to exist and that should not be a problem, yet it is.

Most of us just assume as we go to our sink and turn on the faucet that we’ll always have plenty of clean water. That’s a mistake in our thinking that we no longer have the luxury of believing. It’s time for us to educate ourselves and find out where our water supply comes from and who if any is taking from and selling to – depleting that which we have taken for granted because we’ve accepted and allowed others to make important decisions on our behalf and subsequently are profiting from.

For generations we have Not been paying attention to what we’ve accepted and allowed to happen to our water supply and so now, we’ve got a small window of opportunity before the price to pay for our negligence costs us our very life. Our source of water is being sold and exported for the private gain of a few and thus water is the new gold, a big commodity, and already, over one billion lack access to clean drinking water and many many more are finding themselves in situations where they cannot afford water – the very substance our earth provides freely for everybody.

The Fact is, We cannot continue to take water from one source and give it to another while not taking into consideration the natural cycle of our water supply – thus depleting countries and people of their water and the health and well being of their resources in which they depend upon to exist.

Direct Quote from the Website of the Documentary:

“In every corner of the globe, we are polluting, diverting, pumping, and wasting our limited supply of fresh water at an expediential level as population and technology grows. The rampant overdevelopment of agriculture, housing and industry increase the demands for fresh water well beyond the finite supply, resulting in the desertification of the earth.
Corporate giants force developing countries to privatize their water supply for profit. Wall Street investors target desalination and mass bulk water export schemes. Corrupt governments use water for economic and political gain. Military control of water emerges and a new geo-political map and power structure forms, setting the stage for world water wars.”

Did you know?

This is a summary of the global market for all water users:

“Total worldwide revenues of $508 billion in 2010 … the bottled water market generated $58 billion of that total and growing fast … industry needs $28 billion for water equipment and services to all kinds of businesses … another $10 billion covers agricultural irrigation … another $15 billion in retail products like filters and various heating and cooling systems … $170 billion is used for waste water, sewage systems, waste-water treatment and water recycling systems … and $226 billion for water utilities, treatment plants and distribution systems.” Market Watch: The Wallstreet Journal

The Solution:

Water is here to assist and support Life. It is Not here to fill the pockets of the greedy. The solution is very simple in that we’ll return water to its natural cycle and irrigate the land with rain water. And, in doing so, we’ll stop accepting and allowing profit and greed to take us over. We take self-responsibility, we see, realize and understand the common sense – that we all have to have water to support our physical body and our physical reality, thus, we establish a system that recognizes that we share the same basic needs which are required to be met to live a fulfilled Life. Equal Money Capitalism guarantees All living beings be given that which is required to live just such a life and at the same time protects the natural flow process within our streams, underground water basins, as well as our rivers and oceans.

The Reward:

The reward with Equal Money Capitalism will prove that life does Not have to be a scary story. We do Not have to accept huge corporations and/or a few with all the money to bully their way through our land and our resources. There is enough resources here for us All to utilize effectively to see to it that we will Not run out of water and we’ll prove it through accepting and allowing the natural cycle of life – instead of the insanity of water privatization and/or the sale of water resources, (water trading, profit, greed).

Don’t take your water for granted. Investigate and Educate yourself. Know where your water comes from and who owns it…

Our Water is Not for sale.

Join us

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Join the forum:
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Day 192: Let Life Be With Equal Money

226840_1846999506872_1597216487_1803901_4818362_nI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will become of this world if we continue to “let it be”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in/as the thought/image of myself as walking away, letting it be, letting life be within the totality of the inequality that exists within and as our world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s ok to just ‘let it be’, meaning: that this is the best we are as a humanity – that’s it’s ok to accept and allow hunger and war and profit and loss, that we should just keep quiet, let it be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself already at the end of my day – where my work is done – where I collapse onto the couch, put my feet up and give myself permission to zone out to the television because I deserve to just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the ‘let it be’ mindset – where I don’t have to take self-responsibility for how our current world exists because I work hard every day and nothing will ever change anyway, so, I can just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the backchat within my mind that says: “this world will never change”, because I see, realize and understand that such a statement is me as my mind attempting to put off taking self-responsibility for the massive amount of abuse and ignorance that we continue to accept and allow as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with our current world/money system to such a degree that my physical body has become feverish and achy, and as a result, I’ve not stood stable and directed myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet, to ‘let it be’ in order to ‘keep the peace’ – which is nothing more than an attempt to avoid seeing the truth of what is happening within our world where Capitalism is devouring us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and to look to others for the answers to who, how, what and why our current world/money system exists as it does.

I commit myself to stop hiding behind masks of and as my mind as characters and personalities and to stand and face me all of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing my mind as imagination to run away with and from me and to instead face who I am within the reflections I see of me within and our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop living the lie of ‘let it be’, because I see, realize and understand that war, poverty and starvation exist because we accept and allow and ‘let it be’, all the while there is the Solution of Equal Money.

I commit myself to breathe and remain aware of the reality of our current world/money system and to show how Equal Money can and will bring lasting change to end all suffering.

I commit myself to show that hunger and war and profit and loss are merely symptoms of a currupt world/money system and that this is Not how Life is suppose to be and that together, one by one, together, we can create Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to show how it is Not Ok to zone out to t.v. or drugs, or alcohol or anything for that matter because Life is here within and as our Physical Reality – it is Not zoning out in our mind – and, Life requires the assistance of Everyone, thus, I commit myself to Stand together in support of an Equal Money System – the Only System that supports All Life Equally.

I commit myself to breathe and stand stable, to show that Yes WE Can “Let Life Be” with Equal Money.
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Investigate Equal Money

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
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Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 78: Character: Daring to Die

Continuation to
Day 77: “WTF was I Thinking?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within my mind a character that I participated in as thoughts of overdosing on pills as a way to commit suicide.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in repetitive thought patterns of committing suicide as, “the older you get the more boring life is, I might as well be dead” or “what’s the use, I’ll take some pills and never wake up”, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character within my mind in and as dishonesty in wanting to run away from myself and from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to exist in a state of depersonalization as feeling that things around me weren’t real, like I was observing myself from outside of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to feel like I was losing my grip on reality, like I was living in a dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to feel emotionally disconnected from people that I normally cared about and where I had difficulty focusing on tasks or remembering things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character within my mind as thoughts of committing suicide to believe and perceive that I am not able to handle that which I am responsible for which is me within myself and within my world according to what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and judgment when I heard that A attempted to kill herself, because I was angry and judging myself for how I/we’ve allowed ourselves to become slaves to secret societies, organizations, and our relationships to such a degree that we loose sight of what is real and what we are capable of as that of standing up and directing ourself as life in and as equality, which will eventually bring an end to everyone’s suffering within and without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest anger where I project blame unto others through pointing my finger in judgment – instead of realizing that there is no one to blame, that we are each one responsible for what we’re allowing to exist within existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger because of the anger I experience within myself in how I have created and manifested fear and loss within my relationship with myself and with others based in self-interest, competition and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I avoid taking self-responsibility because as a character of my thoughts within my mind I have accepted and allowed a perception that exists within this world of thinking that when one commit suicide, ‘all of one’s problems will disappear’, that we’ll somehow finally be ‘at peace’ and exist in/as some sort of blissful experience in a heaven somewhere and thus will have no more problems, and/or feelings of lonesomeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself and within my world a character of thinking about committing suicide because of how I accepted and allowed participation within my mind which manifests experiences within myself which lead me to consider removing myself from this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create loss within and as our world and our reality in and through using or abusing myself/something and or someone to hide my self-responsibility and thus create and manifest a point of having to loose something or someone within my world and my reality to expose the truth that we are each one in-fact self-responsible and that we in-fact cannot hide from ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refer to memories, pictures and/or images as my artillery of knowledge and information which then emerge within my mind as thoughts which I participate in, thus manifesting and creating a character of myself with the soul purpose being to keep myself within the same MEmories/issues/patterns of my past, which causes me to exist within a war zone wherein I want to give up on myself and everything and everyone within my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forsake what matters most as my physical body within this physical reality all according to my choice to participate within my mind of thoughts as a character who ‘thinks’ I should kill myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my physical body and our physical existence in order to satisfy me as my mind when i’ve not even investigated who I am as my physical body and physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the direction of me as a character of my mind to determine through fear, judgment, anger, lust, greed, self-interest and money, how life is suppose to exist here within and as our physical existence, instead of investigating how the nature of life is here for the giving to/for All life as an example of what’s best for all.


I commit myself to stop me as the character of having thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that I am able to be and become the directive principle of me in directing me to stop playing around in and as an illusion within my mind and to earth myself here walking within and as my physical body and physical reality.

When and as I see myself existing in a state of depersonalization as feeling that things around me aren’t real and/or like I’m observing myself from outside my body, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that me as my mind as consciousness will create illusions to keep me entrapped to and as it, thus, I see/realize and understand that through writing self-forgiveness I am able to see in self-honesty that the experience of myself in a state of depersonalization is not real, that it is only an experience/illusion that I have chosen to give value and/or a name to in my disconnect of self in dishonesty. I see/realize and understand that I’ve walked this pattern before, and that it is no longer who I am willing to be – that I chose to stand and direct myself in proving to/for myself that I am capable of taking self-responsibility for myself and my world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating in/as thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that to do so is an act of self-dishonesty in wanting to run away from myself and from here because I’ve been to afraid to stand up and take self-responsibility because I didn’t ‘think’ that I knew how, however, I do know how to take self-responsibility, by first stopping my participation in/as my thoughts and, through breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, directing myself according to what’s best for All.

I see realize and understand that I am not really angry at anyone outside of myself because in self-honesty, I see that I’ve only been angry at myself for not standing up for me and proving to myself through self-forgiveness what I’m capable of in taking self-responsibility for me.

I commit myself to show that fear as anger and judgment, is the result of Not taking self-responsibility for who I am within what is here such as acts against self in participating in thoughts of committing suicide, instead of standing up and directing myself in self-honesty.

I see/realize and understand that reacting to the subject of suicide in/as fear created a limitation wherein I was existing in judgment which I made real within my mind in order to use it as an excuse to give up before even having started facing who I am within my participation as the character in thoughts of committing suicide in fear of taking self-responsibility for myself and for how our world/reality exists.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I/We do not need to, or that it is Not necessary to have to go to the point of loosing something or someone in our world and our reality to realize the extent of what we are in-fact responsible for – that I / WE can in-fact see/realize/understood and become self-responsible within simple self-honesty, and common sense.

When and as I see myself go into feelings and thoughts in and as memories, pictures and /or images, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to direct myself and to investigate in self-honesty the point of the character I’m playing, as in how and what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself as the thoughts that I have participated within which have manifested the character I’ve accepted and allowed through and as thoughts of committing suicide.


I commit myself to show that we are enslaved and trapped into a world that we don’t understand and that we become lost within and thus we do what is necessary to survive, and yet, it is only the way it is because we accept and allow it and that we can stop, breathe, forgive and change ourselves within and thus without as our world, as who we each are.

I commit myself to facing me in self-honesty and to stop participating in thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that it is utterly useless to remove oneself from this world, because nothing will stop, nothing will end. That we will still experience whatever we’re experiencing within, only worse because we’ll not have our physical body to assist, thus, common sense is, that it’s much simpler to apply our process HERE, to stand up HERE, to take self-responsibility HERE.

I see/realize and understand that it is really simple: All we have to do is stop our participation in/as our mind. That’s it. Just STOP participating. Stop the thoughts – – BREATHE — Forgive yourself. Direct the mind as you in self-honesty.

I commit myself to direct myself to show how life as who we are exists within and as our physical body and this physical existence as earth, breath, and water, first and foremost.

I commit myself to support myself as my physical body and this physical reality according to manifesting and creating a world according to what’s best for all.

Day 77: “WTF was I Thinking?”

Six months ago a friend of my daughter, I’ll call her A, who’s 28, called me and shared how she was contemplating suicide. Then last night, she followed through on her thoughts in attempting do so. She swallowed well over 100, over the counter acetaminophen, after spending 4th of July evening with friends drinking alcohol and watching fireworks. Something to note here is to STOP drinking alcohol, and certainly if you are going to drink the lethal shit, determine first for yourself to NOT make a life or death decision while doing so… When everyone was leaving for home, she told one of her friend’s that she was going home to kill herself, and when she got home, she also left her apartment door unlocked.

It took a little while for her threat to sink in, but when one of her friends went to check on her, she found her covered in her own vomit and quite belligerent. The friend was finally able to get her in the car and drive her to the hospital just in time for both of her kidney’s to shut down and for her heart to stop. The staff at the hospital were able to get her heart to beat again and placed her in a drug induced coma to allow her kidney’s opportunity to recover.


As of now, she’s awake and on 24 hour suicide watch and they’ve said that her physical body should fully recover… Can our physical body ever actually recover from such abuse? And what now?

What’s different from 18 hours ago and what will stop her from trying to kill herself again? Her mother and her sister are tippy toeing around the subject. They don’t want to talk about ‘what happened’ around her because it might upset her…???

We have to ask ourselves how it is that we’re willing to sweep the obvious under the rug, instead of sharing, caring and forgiving ourself.

I’ve known A for at least 7 years and she’s familiar with the Desteni material. She joined the original Desteni forum 4 years ago but was never much interested in applying self-forgiveness.

For most of my day today, I was physically uncomfortable. I was angry and I was judgmental. I wrestled with stopping and forgiving one line of thought which was,, ‘WTF was she thinking’.

So then today, when Marlen Vargas Del Razo, posted her blog, it certainly caught my attention. Her blog is titled: ’82. “WTF was I Thinking?”’

Below is the specific part from her blog that assisted me, though I suggest one read her entire post.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Who I am as Life is Who I am and Does Not require Memory as It is Who I Am.” – Bernard Poolman*

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear the moment I overheard people talking about being out of school already and finding no jobs, which is me participating as ‘fear’ and not here as breath. I realize that reacting to information as fear creates a limitation wherein I make such judgment real in my mind in order to use it as an excuse to give up before even having started.” ~ Marlen Vargas Del Razo

I realized how I had ‘reacted’ to hearing the information this morning and within that created a limitation where within my mind, I secretly made a judgment toward A (which was actually a judgment toward self), thoughts that were so silent, I couldn’t hear them for the limitation I had placed upon myself through my ‘reaction’. Thus, I was existing within a point of giving up before I had even started to forgive myself for the point I was facing.

I know from walking the process of self-forgiveness that one must always bring the point back to self, and so it was – approximately 4 1/2 years ago, just months before beginning to apply self-forgiveness – I struggled with thought patterns that I never told anyone about – of taking some pills to put an end to what I saw was me giving up on myself and life, and giving in to my mind. Instead, I discovered and began walking and applying the tools of Desteni, and, I never applied self-forgiveness for what was quite a stupidity loop within ‘the character of thoughts of committing suicide’.

I’ve never forgiven myself for abusing my physical body similar to the choice that A made. The difference in A’s choice and mine is that I created a character within my mind through thinking about taking pills to kill myself whereas A manifested and entire person/personality that she physically lived-out.

“A Personality is created from an accumulation of characters/similar characters that come-together and then manifested an entire person/personality that you physically live-out.” Sunette Destonian Spies

The point is here before me as I’ve never walked through in self-forgiveness the ‘character of thoughts of committing suicide’, because I feared admitting me as them.

There is really nothing I nor anyone can say or do to ‘save’ A, though, when I have the opportunity – I will ask her – WTF were you thinking? What matters is our Physical Body and applying self-forgiveness for who we are and what we’re accepting and allowing within our Physical Reality. What matters is bringing self to the point of self-honesty and seeing that it doesn’t matter ‘where we are’, we cannot escape facing ourself within our responsibility to what is here in how our world exists. See – One is able to show themself through self-forgiveness how in every moment that I FOR GIVE ME, I receive that which I give which connects self within and as the World as a Whole.

In the following blog post – I will walk through in Self-forgiveness, ‘the character of thoughts of committing suicide’.