Day 284: Redefining and Commitment to Living ‘Grace’

When I looked within myself at how I’ve lived the word ‘grace’, I could see that although I completely comprehend how we as a society have defined it, such as in ‘merriam-webster’:

: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward
: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving
graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations

I hadn’t really ever considered what living the word ‘grace’ may look like or mean.  In fact, when I looked at how I felt inside myself when I looked at the word ‘grace’, what I saw was a feeling of awkwardness and an almost stumbling within myself, like a ‘not knowing’ so to speak.

So I realized that I’ve never really considered that I’ve not only the ability to redefine who I am as ‘grace’, but I’ve also the responsibility to do so.  In doing so, one like’s to think it would be easy to redefine who one is as ‘grace’, however, asking oneself important questions like ‘what does it mean to live the word ‘grace’ and, ‘what would that mean being for oneself, one’s body, and way of living‘?

It’s not an easy question to answer or live as because who we are as our mind depends upon things from our outside world to stimulate and entertain us, so it requires a slowing down within oneself in order to assist oneself effectively.

When I first began to focus on and redefine myself as ‘grace’, it was cool, but kind of surprising when I realized just how much I reLIEd upon the energy I would get when I’d participate in any way in the bizarre little personal attacks on myself that I was accepting as backchat within my mind.

It’s cool when you commit to investigating these things that are going on within your mind, you begin to see just how ridiculous it all is – like the small sentences of backchat where in your head your hearing things like, ‘you can’t do this’, ‘I’m tired‘, ‘your getting to old for that’, etc, all of which add up to some serious self-judgments and suppression.

So as I’ve been walking this point in real-time – forgiving myself for the self-loathing and self-critical way of thinking, and forgiving myself for allowing myself to be controlled to such a degree where I’ve been motivated to move myself by and as my mind – which is in itself physically exhausting and proof how damaging our thought processes are on our physical body.

Instead of allowing that, I directed myself to stop and forgive myself, so when a self-judgment thought would come up or re-occur, I would stop, breathe and focus on giving myself ‘grace’, remaining aware of what that means and feels like to give myself ‘grace’ as self support.

After a few days, the backchat attack began to raise doubts because my mind as consciousness was losing controls so it used fear through the words, ‘your body can’t handle this’.  That’s when within me, it was like my physical body as me Stood Up, and I saw how when those thoughts came up my entire physical body became tense and uncomfortable and I became aware of how my bottom lip sought to hold down my upper lip real tight like, so I used that as an awareness, a flag if you will to provide assistance for myself to know it’s time to stop and breathe!  Within that I began to recognize who I am as my physical body within and as ‘Grace’,  and how when I allow myself ‘Grace’ my entire inside relaxes in clarity.

So, it’s been a few weeks now since I began investigating this point and I’m realizing who I am as ‘grace’ is becoming of me more and more – where ‘grace’ is a soft place within where I flow comfortably through and as my entire physical body, and within that a great gift emerged in that within and as ‘Grace’, self-judgments towards myself and others cannot and does not exist.

And so I see an opportunity that’s opened up here for me to see, realize and understand what it means to Life the word ‘Grace’ into and as myself and our entire World System within and as All of Existence.

Therefore, I commit myself to direct myself to move myself with an awareness to change what I’ve been accepting and allowing within my world – through self-forgiveness I let go the paranoia that has been placed as control and created around religion and how living the word ‘grace’ throughout our lives became identified with the idea of a “God watching over us” or a “God who knows best” attitude as another way to justify spirituality and the paranoia around it to the extreme – I further commit myself to take actions that prevent harm to All Living beings, to get to the point of having the ‘Grace’ to consider the common good for All Life through a Living Income Proposal, to ensure All the opportunity of Living Life in accordance to what’s Best for All to become part of the way Life exist on Earth.

***************

“Politics is the Fascinating Interesting thing that is In Fact Legitimate and Legal as a way to Change the World, simply by Voting or Getting Involved in Creating Political Parties that Actually Present a Constitutional Bill of Rights, Ensuring that All Laws that exist are Aligned to that, Ensuring that All Necessary Preventions that Ensures a Life that is Best for All Happens on Earth – those kind of stuff all Happen through Politics, through Government. And Government is Not ‘Evil,’ Government is the Product of The People. If Governments are ‘Evil’ as so many Paranoids Claim, then They’re Evil because They are the Ones that Created the Government in the first place, they don’t have an Alternative = that’s quite a Problem. One Shouldn’t Judge: You Should Look for Solutions and Alternatives.

As long as You Have No solutions and Alternatives = You are Judging.

If You Have a Solution and Alternative = it’s No Longer a Judgment, it is Then Common Sense Reasoning.” Bernard Poolman

***************

Investigate

The Living Income Proposal

***************

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it was Critical for the Successful Design of Consumerism as Resource Control by the few to get Personal Effort to be SUBJECT to the GRACE of an INVISIBLE GOD to which ALL SUCCESS was ATTRIBUTED, to make sure the Human will ACCEPT Personal Self-Interest as a RIGHT as SINNER to be able to Indulge and Feed Consumerism without feeling Guilty, as a Saviour or Messiah will come or has died for the SINNER that CANNOT Help but being SINFUL by Consuming. In this an INVISIBLE PACT was created between Consumerism and Religion with Consumers FUNDING Religion as a way of Passing for Penance as the 7th Day of Confession and Forgiveness – Creating a Human that Accepts as the Core of the Human: EVIL, that Cannot be Conquered by Self, but only through a Divine force.

 

I commit myself to show that the Human’s acceptance of themselves as inherently Evil can in fact be conquered by Self and does NOT require a Divine Force or Forgiveness from an Imaginary God, but requires the courage to be Self Honest, to dare oneself to care, and to give oneself the gift of Self-Forgiveness.” Bernard Poolman

Day 2 – Self-Trust

I finished watching a movie today called, ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ – which is based upon the 2005 fictional writings of Jonathan Safran Foer. Jonathan introduces us to nine year old Oskar Schell whose father died a year earlier on 9/11 in the World Trace Center. Oskar finds a key while looking through his father’s belongings and so he sets out on a mission to find the lock that fits the key and he travels all over New York City by himself in a desperate longing to reconnect with his father. The movie is just as predictable as any movie with a similar story line. However, it’s the words written by Foer, where one will notice the ‘reeling’ in and direction of the consciousness mind. And, the lack of self-trust and without self-trust, there is no self.

If you’ve ever been fishing – you’ll understand my reference to the word ‘reeling’. When you’re holding that fishing pole in hand and we bait the hook and then we cast it into the water and wait for the fish to bite so we can reel in our catch. That’s exactly how the words quoted in the movie is – it’s ‘bait for the mind consciousness system’. Hearing the words, I realized how very quickly mental masturbation was just moments away from me within the words written/spoken within the film. I felt the pull of intoxication which I was able to breathe through and stop so I’m going to share a few of those quotes below – and more importantly, I’ll be sharing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to walk in self-corrective application which is supportive in directing self as life.

Reading the quotes, we have to understand that consciousness believes that we are only as ‘it’ defines us, so it’s vital to investigate our thoughts and/or reactions/emotions/feelings, as well as the origin, especially if there is confusion and/or a perplexity existing within us as this would indicate self-definition points revealing within us something we’ve not yet considered.

Quotes from the movie:

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”

I was aware of how much my mind gravitated toward this particular quote. It was like it had a familiar comfortable feel to it. As I slowed myself down and remained aware of my breathing – I recognized an emotion of regret which I’ve recently become aware of through walking Desteni I Process. I’ve used this point of origin before against myself as a coping mechanism to remain stuck within that point of regret.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shift into a coping mechanism of regret triggered by the words ‘bones straining’, where I unconsciously went into a polarity point of good/bad where within my secret mind I allowed a social comparison wherein I saw myself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system within myself and towards myself as not being good enough and thus judged myself as if I was seeing myself through another’s eyes as ‘them’ casting judgment towards me, thus I judged myself within comparison which further fuels and entraps me in memories of regret wherein I remain stuck in time programmed by words and sound frequencies.

When and as I see myself participating within the coping mechanism of regret triggered by words – I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I have walked this pattern and I’m aware of the consequences of existing within polarity of good/bad, right/wrong and positive/negative. Instead I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

This is where Oskar is remembering a question he once asked his father.
“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist? I don’t mean how, but why. I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head. Then he said, we exist because we exist. We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened. And Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.”

My mind directing me as consciousness was totally attracted to this – even though it answers nothing, provides no real assistance and obviously no real solution for how our world currently exists in how we overlook the obvious scam we’ve accepted as Capitalism. The words are completely backwards in it’s way of hiding the obvious – which is that everyone and everything exists within the reason of and for Money. Every single decision is based upon reasons of greed, competition and wanting to have more than our neighbor as we continue to struggle to survive within a corrupt monetary system while we support a few who have it all because we accept and allow it. Plain and simple, this screams fatal attraction and the mind as consciousness thrives on this because it’s like a roller coaster to no-where under consciousness direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a fatal attraction like experience within myself triggered by words which keeps me within the illusion of hope and feel good connotations of enslavement for myself and all living beings where I completely forgo all common sense and the ability to direct myself according to what is real and according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for pretending that I don’t see those who are starving to death while I continue to support a monetary system through purchasing things I don’t even require just so I can feel better about how I look to others and/or so I will have more than my neighbor even when I know that valuing profit over life is murder.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that how our world exists in poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation are manifestations of and symptom of the disease we call Capitalism.

When and as I see myself manifesting myself as a reactive-expression – I stop, I breathe. I realize the pattern is attempting to defend my EGO. I stop separation in self-interest. I stand one and equal as the moment with the other being breathing in awareness of and as all as one as Equal.

When and as I see myself participating within a pattern of self pity and self judgment because I fear facing the truth of me as what I’ve been and become – I stop, I breath. I do not accept nor allow self pity and/or self judgment to exist within me – Instead I stand in support of an Equal Money system to bring an end to poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation and manifestations and/or symptoms of the disease we call Capitalism. I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

“I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider that the past might have a need for me.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in through and as memories of my past as thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus have kept the past alive as what is here and is in and as the future of what I’ve yet to walk, be and become.

When and as I see myself participating in memory patterns – I stop. I breathe. I understand that memories are like escape routes the mind uses to enforce direction from the past to here and I no longer accept that as who I am. Instead I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.

“Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk so fast that I’ve stumbled over my own words similar to an experience on speed wherein I accessed a personality due to conversations and thought patterns as mind participation instead of slowing myself down and breathing in awareness of me as my physical body here within and as this physical reality.

“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that what I’m missing is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear in simply being here within and as the human physical body because I’ve had inner desires to be more and feel like more.

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse. But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake and fear being wrong because I fear being judged by others.

“Maybe we’re just missing things we’ve lost, or hoping for what we want to come.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wait in hoping for someone and/or something to take the wrongness out of how I feel.

“Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?”

I forgive myself that I’ve separated myself from me as my physical body to such an extreme that I didn’t realize that feelings and emotions and thinking is creating pain within me as my physical body as well as within the pain and suffering within our physical reality.

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within the fear that I wasn’t behaving as I was suppose to according to the beliefs of others and how they were feeling and/or experiencing themselves and/or for fear they might question the validity of my actions.

“And then a thought came into my brain that wasn’t like the other thoughts. It was closer to me, and louder. I didn’t know where it came from, or what it meant, or if I loved it or hated it. It opened up like a fist, or a flower.”

I forgive myself for rejecting me Cathy, through the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind which I have participated within and which I have not yet directed as myself – one and equal. I commit myself to forgive myself and stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions and to direct myself here one and equal as life.

“We go on killing each other to no purpose! It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there’s no one left to fight.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wage a war first within myself through dishonesty in who I’ve been according to how I walked and talked and acted as the necessary personality I saw that was required according to where I was and who I was with and as I existed in and as such inner wars of discontent I subsequently remained unaware of my responsibiltiy for the war we waged against life within and as our world.

——————————-

What’s missing within the words/quotes of the movie? Self-Trust

Without self-trust there is just illusion and fear, because when we’re trusting hope and faith and love and beliefs, our trust in self isn’t real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have never actually lived as who I am as breath as the moment as me – that I have always accepted and allowed the mind to control / direct and influence me through believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions. Till here no further. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my self trust outside myself into someone and/or something else.

When and as I see myself lacking self trust where I’m being directed/influenced and/or believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions, I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I’ve proved to myself that I am able to effectively stop and direct myself within and as self-honesty and according to the Principle of Equality – a Principle supportive of and as All as One as Equal.

Through daily writing and applying self-forgiveness – self-honesty steps forth, and through self-corrective statements one is able to develop self-trust. This must be proven to and for self by self through daily written, spoken and applied application.

I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.
Cathy Krafft

The Journey to Life – Join us Walking