Tag Archive | Freud

Day 141: Making sense out of a system that doesn’t make sense

Along with pain and not physically feeling well from my recent dental appointments, which are still ongoing. I wasn’t prepared to be catapulted into the jaws of our current money system. Where every day this past week, it’s like I’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system that couldn’t care less if I survive it or if I end up on the side of the road bleeding to death. What I’ve realized, is that Money still has the power to change me, and, I realize that I am responsible for the power that I have given to a money system that supports abuse and profit over the life of those living within it. As a way of protecting myself, ‘as my mind’, I see how I’ve become nonchalant in my attitude – another character I’ve become to protect myself from myself. Thus, the following Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of/as my mind who is nonchalant towards others and their Quest to survive because I got lost once again in my own self-interest within energetic wants, needs and desires within a money system that is anything but forgiving and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as willing to stand up for all living beings when in fact I’ve only begun to understand what standing up for and as All living beings really means in terms of what I must be willing to give up and stop as who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed in order to actually have an impact on bringing about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hardened and uncaring as a way of giving myself a false sense of perceiving myself as protected within a money system that thrives on taking instead of giving, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and stop fearing the future and to remain here in this moment and face who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nonchalant toward the fears of others in their attempt to make sense of what we have All accepted and allowed within our world, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as fear and to direct myself to do unto others as I would like done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to the energy I receive according to how much money I have and for how I have incorporated that as who I am within how I move myself as my physical body and within my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make sense within a world/money system that doesn’t make sense within all the abuse it exists as, thus, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to slow down and face who I am within all that is here, to thus, assist and support a system which will support all life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed, and supported a world/money system that generates fear and stress in our day to day living where living isn’t living at all really only struggling to just survive, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money day to day living will be enjoyable and stress free because everyone’s day to day necessities will be given to everybody equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that must be made in order to change our world to one that is supportive of and as all living beings, thus, I commit myself to show how it makes more sense to ensure that all living beings are provided for with Equal Money – than to continue to allow a world/money system where people are constantly competing with each other to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that sees value in people according to how much money they have/make, and for how I’ve ignored the depth of daily stress being lived by those who have little to no money to provide for themselves, thus, I commit myself to never stop supporting an Equal Money System because I see, realize and understand how with Equal Money we will manifest Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how every day thousands of people have absolutely nothing and starve to death while others have more than they could possibly use in a one lifetime therefore, I commit myself to show how only the best and most nutritious food will exist with an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things are going my way and I have money in my pocket then I don’t stop to consider how others are experiencing themselves as fearful and stressed out from not knowing how they will survive from one minute to the next, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money, people will stop manipulating and stealing because with Equal Money people will begin to understand the nature of themselves and thus will begin to forgive and correct themselves and begin to assist and support each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that is driven to only support itself through the ways and means of abuse of and as a Capitalistic system, thus, I commit myself to show how we will bring an end to Capitalism through manifesting Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

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Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 44: Love is a Battlefield

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is like a battlefield on the inside of our physical body where one constantly desires specific outcomes to settle an anticipated experience self has within one’s mind in fear of making a mistake and have to once again face life alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is a battlefield of love/winning and hate/losing within rounds of/as competition within the need/desire to survive what we refer to as the game of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize and understand that love has always broken our physical body between the heart and the mind as the soul of money within a world that buys and sells love as sex and sex for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences of sadness by thinking about that which I’ve not been able to do based on ideas about relationships and accomplishments instead of according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the affect of love is a cause of fear and suspicion forming patterns and constructs within the mind of/as self-loathing and depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love lived in/as relationships have been about compromise and sacrifice in living patterns of self-interest because when under the spell/possession of the mind ‘in love’, the rest of the world is compromised and sacrificed and left to starve to death and die.

I forgive myself for the beating I accepted and allowed within and without to/towards my physical body through a love relationship as I waited and waited until I hated myself for waiting to experience myself ‘in love’.

I forgive myself for the anger I feel in the pit of my stomach when people sing the song, ‘love will build a bridge between your heart and mine’, when in fact borders exist for the love of a God, all the while ignoring the abuse and neglect within our world as it continues to grow day by day as countless numbers of children live in poverty and are starving to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to say that to love is to place my happiness in the happiness of another is to not comprehend that in order for self to experience happiness in this world, a situation of unhappiness has to occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that when we are subject to an outside experience in order for us to experience something, we are thus showing/proving to ourselves how our enslavement works through outer elements which we require for our perceived happiness and survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize/ and understand that we have to correct what we have created and stop the creation of this world through the polarity of emotions/feelings/love and thoughts of and as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for all the times when I stood up for and shouted out for the sake of and in love when all the while how I was experiencing myself was limited to the end of the line within a pattern of energy existent only within the construct of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that love will save the world when I’ve proved to myself that the only way love will benefit the world is through living it for real in self-honesty through supporting an Equal Money system allowing all life the support of/as forgiving for living.


I commit myself to stopping the polarity of and as love/hate as a battlefield through stopping participation in and as emotions and feelings and through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty directing myself according to what’s best for all life here.

I commit myself to educating humanity that happiness is not about doing as happiness is not defined by anything separate from self.

I commit myself to comprehending, living and supporting myself and my neighbor according to and through an Equal Money System to experience the joy of how life can be as a humanity as life as breath within and as Oneness and Equality.

I commit myself to walking the Journey to Life for/as Living Proof for myself of being One and Equal as all Life standing in support of an Equal Money system.

Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance with regards to love and life.

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 3: What Does it Really Mean to be ‘Alive’?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality/Negativity?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Failed Relationships

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 19 – Rotten Love

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 41: Spiritual Poverty of Love and Light

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love

Day 22: The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a rebel, as someone who refuses and resists authority in any way what-so-ever and as such have built a point of resistance within as and to/towards self and consequently trapping myself within my own characteristic nature of and as living my life in and as fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of rebellion wherein I refused to accept the conventional way of doing things and/or refused to obey the law within a point of wanting to control for the purpose of satisfying my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see the rebel as being sexy and mysterious when in fact I existed within the energy of finding fault in others limitations and thus was existing in the same nature as the tick and/or a vampire sucking the blood of others in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in the idea of myself as being a rebel as one of uniqueness, instead of realizing that I was existing in and as separation of life and in that I was actually supporting the very laws, elite, governments and rules that I was professing to be against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I alone could change the world, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that in order for the world to change, I have to be willing to first change myself through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-corrective application, and to recognize my equality within and as all and within and as a group standing in support of an Equal Money System as the beginning point in creating heaven as earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want things my way or no way and I see/realize and understand that that was my way of wanting all the glory only on my terms, instead of the terms of equality for and as all life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the rebel with a cause and I didn’t like it when people tried to step on my beliefs because I believed I had my own principles that I lived by – instead of realizing that the only cause I chose to fulfill was my own self-interested one, wherein I didn’t consider anyone except myself in my attempts to make me happy and experience myself the way I wanted to experience myself and thus I acted like a demon walking the earth searching for experiences to have for myself having no consideration of how others experience suffering, pain and death on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I had principles I lived by, when I’ve actually never lived according to any principle that didn’t first evolve around my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to accept what is here in how our world exists to such a degree that I sought to rebel against the system -instead of standing equal to the system to change the system from within, thus creating life on earth within the starting point of who we are as a group in self-honesty, as humanity, standing together equal and one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have always been rebelling against myself – instead of realizing that to stand together equal and one with everyone and everything is the same as beginning to accept self wherein voids of self begin to cease as one walks together equal to and one as his neighbor.

I commit myself to walking the path of least resistance, wherein I begin to accept my neighbor as myself and realize who I am walking his life within his shoes.

I commit myself to directing myself according to a principle that rests upon the will for and of all living beings in being able to experience and express themselves within a world which honors all life equally.

I commit myself to challenge myself to establishing a world that is always based upon what’s best for all life as the only acceptable way of living/existing here on earth.

I commit myself to standing in agreement that living a dignified life must be guaranteed to all living beings born and existing here on earth.

I commit myself to assisting others in seeing/realizing and understanding that every being is responsible and accountable for how abuse and suffering exists within our world and that they are equally responsible and accountable for supporting a system which will bring abuse and suffering to it’s end.

I commit myself to bringing about a system of equality and stopping our current abusive world/money system in a peaceful manner wherein we come together as a group and create heaven on earth.

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 21: Friday Night Lights, Out

It’s Friday – the day when I often have the same experience of myself – the experience of craving, needing, wanting more. But, more of what? I no longer smoke or do drugs, or gamble, and I haven’t eaten any processed sugar now for over a month, lol, my mind would have me ask, what else is there? Sex? I’ve been married for 20 years, and our relationship is a really cool agreement in the process, so I can have sex whenever I want. Nope, the cravings I experienced come from deep within the secret mind.

My mind craved the energy that comes from getting attention, like the attention one gets from flirting with someone for instance. However, I was aware of how my mind would have settled for the buzz of a big guzzle of an ice cold pepsi. Or even a big slice of chocolate cake would have been nice,,, yes, sugar would have eased the craving for the energy my mind was asking for. I didn’t buy into any of it. I stopped and I breathed. I forgave myself.

At one point today, as I flipped through the television channels, I saw a commercial for a local bar/club and my mind thought was one word – party! That’s a popular Friday night event for many after working all week long. I spent a few years doing just that, getting all dressed up on a Friday night and going out to a bar, or two, for a few drinks and to dance, and of course to flirt. Jesus fucking Christ, in self-honesty -I don’t miss that shit.

I’ve walked and applied the tools offered through the Desteni process for awhile now and once you realize the truth for yourself, where you see for yourself what isn’t real and what is – you won’t go back to living the illusion of enjoying what you realize was your own personal mind-fuck in the first place…

I don’t even like referencing it,, my secret mind, because it’s all self-interest motivated and is the part of me that offers no real solution and/or support for all life on this planet – yet, I have to face me in self-honesty, so I’m able to forgive myself and maybe be of some assistance, in supporting a system to bring an end to the shit hole we’ve manifested ourselves in and as here on earth.

The truth is Friday nights was all about the lights – the lights in the illusion that I lived in my mind where fantasies did nothing more than create abuse within and as my physical body. All because I craved an outcome for myself as I continued to want and seek for something to satisfy the direction my mind as consciousness was leading me on as.

No thanks. I no longer accept myself according to illusionary feelings/emotions that will never fill me or anyone of us up. What will assist us – in stopping the illusion that we’re missing ourselves – is to realize ourselves equal to everything here and stand up accordingly. The substances and energy I once used, only temporarily assisted me to forget my self-interested self if only just for a moment to not feel/experience what was actually going on within myself – related to my mind in avoiding facing me and having a relationship in self-honesty with me. No more hiding and fearing me – Friday Night Lights, Out.

Art By: Matti Freeman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny that which I perceive and define as being negative/positive energies of my mind which I’ve used and abused in my avoidance of facing me within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny what I perceived and defined as being a negative energy of my mind while justifying having a positive experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy derived from participating in illusionary pictures/ideas/memories of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the polarity of my mind as positive and/or negative energy while I sought/desired/craved an energetic experience of myself based on illusionary pictures/ideas and memories of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something get me out of the experience I was having of myself, instead of me taking self-responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something change the situation and/or the experience of me for me, instead of me facing me in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility for and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually only be searching for that first sexual relationship of myself which was designed to entrap us as humanity to endlessly search for more in self-interest in order to contain/enslave us so that we don’t/won’t face ourselves and take self-responsibility for what is here in how our world exists in suffering, abuse and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the energetic cravings within my mind wherein I sought after an experience of myself where I believed I was experiencing something special when in fact the energy of the light/attention/flirting experience never lasted and was only as real as I believed it to be according to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/crave an experience of myself as anything other than my here moment as breath as a way of getting energy to fuel my mind as consciousness and/in order for me to not stand up and take self-responsibility for abdicating myself from/as life in accepting and allowing our world to exist as it does with acts of violence as war, murder, rape and starvation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for a relationship outside of myself because I didn’t have a relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to overcome or let go of energy instead of understanding within myself that it is to stand equal and one to energy and transcend the energetic experience through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein no energetic experience remains within myself.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and to face me in self-honesty in every moment of breath in taking self-responsibility for what is here in how our world currently exists and to thus support an Equal Money System which will bring an end to energetic experiences which have resulted in abuse and death to/as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to understanding that energy was manifested by mind consciousness systems through friction and balance instead of self-movement in every moment as the totality of who we are – whereas no energy is required – only who we are in self-honesty moving through breath in and as self-expression in every moment of ourself here.

I commit myself to further understanding who I am in self-honesty and in stopping the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind completely through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein every moment of breath I commit myself to birth myself as life from the physical so that heaven as earth may manifest as the expression of who we are within and as oneness and equality as/for All Life

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 20: The Reality of Self-Honesty

Today – I stopped the time-loop I’d been riding. It was like one of those rides one might ride at a state fair – where the whole time you’re on the ride, you’re scared half to death, and yet, within the fear, is an odd sense of comfort – which is exactly where the starting point of self-dishonesty lies hidden deep within the secret mind.

It was difficult to admit that I’d lost control and submitted to the energetic direction of my mind. I see now exactly where I made the decision to do so – to not stop myself. The worst part was in the hours that followed my decision – in how I participated in my thoughts and how my participation as the thoughts changed who I was as I participated within my physical reality .


During the time-loop, I had the illusion of control that I remembered hearing Anu refer to in an interview: ‘Reptilians – The Obvious Secret – Reality or Illusion – Part 18’ – where in my mind, there were random thoughts of self-judgment and guilt and where I even tried to control my self-forgiveness.

It was re-hearing that particular interview today that assisted me to stop and breathe, and it was then that I was able to forgive myself. The time-loop of me looping within what was actually a point of self-punishment stopped, when I finally forgave myself.

I will say that I’m grateful for the opportunity to ‘turn back time’ so to speak, and, for the gift I gave myself – The Reality of Self-Honesty.

The exact details of my time-loop are between my partner and me, however for the sake of those who may be reading this – I’ll reference a hint with the following quote: “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” ~Kin Hubbard

Sharing here a few of my Self-Forgiveness with regards to the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring my past back to me to live again as me – instead of letting go of the past, meaning letting go of my relationship to/towards the past within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to/towards my past within myself as memories/experiences and energy thus creating a time-loop/cycle within the past I’m existing as.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a relationship to/towards my past within myself where I then re-instated the past and thus re-created a time-loop/cycle of myself within the past as we exist here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within a personal connection/relationship with my past in energy wherein I connected to my past within myself within the energetic emotion/feeling charge which I had to/towards memories and past experiences within a definition to/towards myself and my partner/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-judgment and guilt compounding further my participation in and as energy connected to my past within myself and thus re-creating a time-loop/cycle of myself within the past I’m existing as.

I commit myself to letting go of the past including letting go of my personal connections/relationships with my past in energy and to re-define who I am within myself without energy and instead with clarity and stability.

I commit myself to severing energetic connections of my past within myself as memories and past experiences and to let go of me in relationship with my past – to realize that I have only the moment within breath and self-honesty to direct myself living in the moment of breath where I am able to change and transcend the past in the moment of seeing what I’m accepting and allowing, thus, I’m able to stop and change myself within and as walking as breath in self-stability to face my past and walk through the past as me in self-honesty to change me in practical self-corrective application.

I commit myself to letting go of my past within myself and walking the moment as breath in self-stability and self-clarity as I face and walk through the manifested past which is me within and without – to birth myself from the system, the past – that exist as a beginning and an end and to live here as the moment in and as self-expression in standing eternal in support of and as life here, in acceptance of and as Equality.

Day 2 – Self-Trust

I finished watching a movie today called, ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ – which is based upon the 2005 fictional writings of Jonathan Safran Foer. Jonathan introduces us to nine year old Oskar Schell whose father died a year earlier on 9/11 in the World Trace Center. Oskar finds a key while looking through his father’s belongings and so he sets out on a mission to find the lock that fits the key and he travels all over New York City by himself in a desperate longing to reconnect with his father. The movie is just as predictable as any movie with a similar story line. However, it’s the words written by Foer, where one will notice the ‘reeling’ in and direction of the consciousness mind. And, the lack of self-trust and without self-trust, there is no self.

If you’ve ever been fishing – you’ll understand my reference to the word ‘reeling’. When you’re holding that fishing pole in hand and we bait the hook and then we cast it into the water and wait for the fish to bite so we can reel in our catch. That’s exactly how the words quoted in the movie is – it’s ‘bait for the mind consciousness system’. Hearing the words, I realized how very quickly mental masturbation was just moments away from me within the words written/spoken within the film. I felt the pull of intoxication which I was able to breathe through and stop so I’m going to share a few of those quotes below – and more importantly, I’ll be sharing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to walk in self-corrective application which is supportive in directing self as life.

Reading the quotes, we have to understand that consciousness believes that we are only as ‘it’ defines us, so it’s vital to investigate our thoughts and/or reactions/emotions/feelings, as well as the origin, especially if there is confusion and/or a perplexity existing within us as this would indicate self-definition points revealing within us something we’ve not yet considered.

Quotes from the movie:

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”

I was aware of how much my mind gravitated toward this particular quote. It was like it had a familiar comfortable feel to it. As I slowed myself down and remained aware of my breathing – I recognized an emotion of regret which I’ve recently become aware of through walking Desteni I Process. I’ve used this point of origin before against myself as a coping mechanism to remain stuck within that point of regret.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shift into a coping mechanism of regret triggered by the words ‘bones straining’, where I unconsciously went into a polarity point of good/bad where within my secret mind I allowed a social comparison wherein I saw myself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system within myself and towards myself as not being good enough and thus judged myself as if I was seeing myself through another’s eyes as ‘them’ casting judgment towards me, thus I judged myself within comparison which further fuels and entraps me in memories of regret wherein I remain stuck in time programmed by words and sound frequencies.

When and as I see myself participating within the coping mechanism of regret triggered by words – I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I have walked this pattern and I’m aware of the consequences of existing within polarity of good/bad, right/wrong and positive/negative. Instead I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

This is where Oskar is remembering a question he once asked his father.
“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist? I don’t mean how, but why. I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head. Then he said, we exist because we exist. We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened. And Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.”

My mind directing me as consciousness was totally attracted to this – even though it answers nothing, provides no real assistance and obviously no real solution for how our world currently exists in how we overlook the obvious scam we’ve accepted as Capitalism. The words are completely backwards in it’s way of hiding the obvious – which is that everyone and everything exists within the reason of and for Money. Every single decision is based upon reasons of greed, competition and wanting to have more than our neighbor as we continue to struggle to survive within a corrupt monetary system while we support a few who have it all because we accept and allow it. Plain and simple, this screams fatal attraction and the mind as consciousness thrives on this because it’s like a roller coaster to no-where under consciousness direction.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a fatal attraction like experience within myself triggered by words which keeps me within the illusion of hope and feel good connotations of enslavement for myself and all living beings where I completely forgo all common sense and the ability to direct myself according to what is real and according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for pretending that I don’t see those who are starving to death while I continue to support a monetary system through purchasing things I don’t even require just so I can feel better about how I look to others and/or so I will have more than my neighbor even when I know that valuing profit over life is murder.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that how our world exists in poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation are manifestations of and symptom of the disease we call Capitalism.

When and as I see myself manifesting myself as a reactive-expression – I stop, I breathe. I realize the pattern is attempting to defend my EGO. I stop separation in self-interest. I stand one and equal as the moment with the other being breathing in awareness of and as all as one as Equal.

When and as I see myself participating within a pattern of self pity and self judgment because I fear facing the truth of me as what I’ve been and become – I stop, I breath. I do not accept nor allow self pity and/or self judgment to exist within me – Instead I stand in support of an Equal Money system to bring an end to poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation and manifestations and/or symptoms of the disease we call Capitalism. I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

“I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider that the past might have a need for me.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in through and as memories of my past as thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus have kept the past alive as what is here and is in and as the future of what I’ve yet to walk, be and become.

When and as I see myself participating in memory patterns – I stop. I breathe. I understand that memories are like escape routes the mind uses to enforce direction from the past to here and I no longer accept that as who I am. Instead I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.

“Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk so fast that I’ve stumbled over my own words similar to an experience on speed wherein I accessed a personality due to conversations and thought patterns as mind participation instead of slowing myself down and breathing in awareness of me as my physical body here within and as this physical reality.

“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that what I’m missing is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear in simply being here within and as the human physical body because I’ve had inner desires to be more and feel like more.

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse. But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake and fear being wrong because I fear being judged by others.

“Maybe we’re just missing things we’ve lost, or hoping for what we want to come.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wait in hoping for someone and/or something to take the wrongness out of how I feel.

“Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?”

I forgive myself that I’ve separated myself from me as my physical body to such an extreme that I didn’t realize that feelings and emotions and thinking is creating pain within me as my physical body as well as within the pain and suffering within our physical reality.

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within the fear that I wasn’t behaving as I was suppose to according to the beliefs of others and how they were feeling and/or experiencing themselves and/or for fear they might question the validity of my actions.

“And then a thought came into my brain that wasn’t like the other thoughts. It was closer to me, and louder. I didn’t know where it came from, or what it meant, or if I loved it or hated it. It opened up like a fist, or a flower.”

I forgive myself for rejecting me Cathy, through the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind which I have participated within and which I have not yet directed as myself – one and equal. I commit myself to forgive myself and stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions and to direct myself here one and equal as life.

“We go on killing each other to no purpose! It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there’s no one left to fight.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wage a war first within myself through dishonesty in who I’ve been according to how I walked and talked and acted as the necessary personality I saw that was required according to where I was and who I was with and as I existed in and as such inner wars of discontent I subsequently remained unaware of my responsibiltiy for the war we waged against life within and as our world.

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What’s missing within the words/quotes of the movie? Self-Trust

Without self-trust there is just illusion and fear, because when we’re trusting hope and faith and love and beliefs, our trust in self isn’t real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have never actually lived as who I am as breath as the moment as me – that I have always accepted and allowed the mind to control / direct and influence me through believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions. Till here no further. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my self trust outside myself into someone and/or something else.

When and as I see myself lacking self trust where I’m being directed/influenced and/or believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions, I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I’ve proved to myself that I am able to effectively stop and direct myself within and as self-honesty and according to the Principle of Equality – a Principle supportive of and as All as One as Equal.

Through daily writing and applying self-forgiveness – self-honesty steps forth, and through self-corrective statements one is able to develop self-trust. This must be proven to and for self by self through daily written, spoken and applied application.

I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.
Cathy Krafft

The Journey to Life – Join us Walking