Tag Archive | 2012

Day 242: How we Survived the Doomsday Paranoia

By the end of November 2007, my partner and I were already months into a journey that had come to cause us great concern, or rather quite the paranoia. I mean, with the way the economy was going, we were both concerned that it was definitely time to purchase the necessary items to assure our survival in the event of what looked like the beginning of the end of the world, or, at the very least the beginning of a plan where we would all be living under the ruling of a Police State or a Dictatorship. Of course, we didn’t really know exactly what we were facing but we knew one thing for sure, we were scared and concerned for our survival. There was so much talk about the Mayan’s and their predictions for the end of the world and then David Icke’s stories about reptilians – this further fueled our already mind-paranoia.

Artwork by: Matti Freeman

the futureFinally, the end of November 2007, we discovered the Desteni video’s on Youtube and then the Desteni website and as we studied the material, we quickly realized their message was clear and made perfect sense. Desteni predicted that there would be no ascension to a 5th dimension, or end of the world according to the Mayan calender, no apocalypse, alien landings or biblical doomsday. The fact is, Desteni saved us a shit load of money because after all, there’s BIG money in doomsday predictions.

The Desteni message remains consistent, accurate and assisted us stop our paranoia and focus on what is real.  Their message  assisted us to ask ourselves ‘what is our individual responsibility’ with what is here?

And, what and how have we come to accept and allow our world to exist as it currently does?  These are not easy questions because to answer them requires self honesty and we soon realized that self honesty meant giving up that which we’d held on so tight to because self interest has been our motivator,  and of course self interest is wound tight in fear.

So, it’s been quite an interesting Journey for us because studying the Desteni material will astound and shock even the bravest amongst us and it’s a Journey that’ll lead one to themself.

So, here we are. We’re still here. All the doomsday predictions have come and gone and all of it was a lie. What isn’t a lie is the hours upon hours of research and documented material that Desteni provides for those who will investigate/hear. What isn’t a lie is the message that Desteni continues to Stand by. Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality and in that they can be depended upon.

Thank you Desteni

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I engage THOUGHT, it acts like GOD and fear emerges as make believe concepts and ideas I make myself believe till I am scared. Essentially, I create my fear and then am afraid of my own creation – such a powerful being I am – yet it all happens ONLY IN MY HEAD, ALONE and when I can transfer MY FEAR to another HEAD, through talking, or writing, or examples or pictures – it remains IN MY HEAD alone, MY FEAR ONLY.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that all Fear in all ways is always Self-Produced in the Mind, and Self-Believed as real – as that ensures that the body will produce the chemical substances of addiction the person has been exposed to since childhood, as the patterns the parent induced to get absolute control over the child so that the child will be occupied to not interfere in the Addictive Occupation of the Adult.” Bernard Poolman 

************** 

  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 188: God Was Not Part of the Survival Plan

We were driving down a long stretch of road this past week-end as we traveled toward the place where my grandmother’s funeral was being held. It had been years since I’d been on that road and it triggered the thought/image within my mind where I saw myself 6 years old sitting on my grandmother’s front porch watching her as she taught me how to make mud pies in the same pot she’d earlier cooked lunch in.
god is not here

If I were to describe her in a few words, it would be that she was simple, unreactive, physically tough, hardworking and self-sacrificing.

A quiet lady who taught me mostly who she was by her daily routine. It’s interesting because almost every memory I have of her involves physical movement.

I used to watch her as she would wring out wet clothes through her wringer washing machine, and no matter the weather, she hung the clothes outside to dry. She slaughtered her own cattle for meat, churned her own butter, baked her own bread, tilled and planted her own fruit and vegetable garden – canned her own fruits and vegetables and made her own jelly.

She milked her own cows, fried bacon from the hogs she raised and could wring a chicken’s neck quick enough to be sure they never suffered. She carried water daily from her well into a house that didn’t have a flushing toilet or running water until I was close to 12 years old. She made her own clothes and her children’s, her own curtains and blankets and bedspreads, and I never once heard her complain.

She always had many laying hens and roosters, and every morning right after the sun came up, her and I would go open the chicken pen and let them all out to wander about freely.

She taught me to treat all animals gentle and with respect, and the only time I can remember seeing her upset with one of them was when I was 5 years old and one of the roosters attacked me. She grabbed him by the neck and in an instant he was dead and as I stood there in a kind of shock from what I had seen, all she said was: “we can’t have one that will do that Cath, it’s ok, he didn’t suffer”. The only time I saw my grandmother fearful was when, as she put it, “there come up a storm and that’s when we high tailed it to the storm cellar”.

Every evening at my grandmother’s was always the same, and even now I can feel the comfort in how my mind perceived myself as safe as I became accustomed to the daily routine. I’d be swinging on the swing that was hanging from my favorite tree which was right in front of where she’d be sitting in her rocking chair on the long front porch of her small little farm house.

We’d watch the sunset and talk about our day and about the silly things one of the animals may have done. She wasn’t one to laugh very much, in fact, she was a rather serious person. What was important to her was seeing to it that her little farm and her animals were taken care of and she tried to teach me to take responsibility in finishing what I start. All those summers I spent with my grandmother up until I was around 14 years old – I began to realize a sort of silent understanding between us.

I wouldn’t comprehend exactly what that understanding was until years later as I sat in the small country church while some man who was the preacher of the church attempted to share his ‘idea’ of who my grandmother was as her body lay in a casket just in front of him. He spoke about how she was in a better place now because of how she had spent her life believing in the blood of Jesus.

That’s when I had to stop myself from chuckling out loud. All those summers with her and everything she taught me in order to survive in this world, not once was God part of the survival plan.  In fact, God certainly couldn’t be depended upon to “make ends meet”.

Survival is and has always been the name of the game and unfortunately the programming survival system of the human begins with acceptance.  Acceptance was that silent understanding we had between us.  It went without saying.

As a child I began to understand that if one is willing and able to work hard every day to finish what one starts then maybe they’ll survive this dog eat dog world.  So that at the end of the day at least maybe one could sit on their own front porch and quietly rest with the ‘feeling’ that they had accomplished something – then and only then, through an acceptance of slavery, maybe one can make themself believe that Life within this Capitalistic System of self-interest and greed  is somehow worth it, even though deep within us,  we know something is terribly wrong.

I’m beginning to understand the depths of that acceptance. It seals the resolve within us and separates us from life itself. My grandmother became very well at accepting, allowing and thus working hard at suppressing herself in order to survive, and ultimately, she learned to cherish the simplest of things within a world/money system that she knew would eat you alive.

It wasn’t until she started getting older and realized that she was physically unable to continue assisting properly with her own survival.  Only then did she begin to talk about God, and then finally began going to the small country church. It’s interesting how that is, how mostly people seek a God when they realize they aren’t able to survive here on Earth much longer.

In the end, after having 4 children, grandchildren and many great grandchildren, and living to be 97 years old – what did the life of my grandmother teach/prove in the end?

Her life proved to me what I’m realizing more and more every day. That MONEY is God and that no matter who you are Money will motivate you to do and be the very evil you swear you’ll never become.

In the end, she gave over her land to be raped by fracking companies and signed the rights away for all her royalties, which are still coming in, to only one of her children.  She believed her adult child when he told her that in return for everything she owned, he’d see to it that she’d never have to leave her home, her land.

She was betrayed and died in a nursing home.

As for her children, those who were left with nothing but hurt feelings, they don’t speak to the sibling she entrusted her land and life savings with.

Make no mistake about itMoney is the only God and God is certainly Not distributed equally amongst us.

Investigate Equal Money

——-

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama
– –

I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s’, and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued

Day 105: Stage Fright

The past couple of days, I’ve felt like I was experiencing first night jitters and/or stage fright, because me as my mind, was trying to ease myself into the idea of possibly becoming the Homeless Character – for real. Now this is a character I have memories of in how I have scripted myself within fear of being homeless.

So when we began to have huge fires surrounding our area – and no insurance coverage for our home and property – I saw how it wasn’t the fires engulfing me, it was the fear of, what if?

At one point we decided we had better pack up a few things ‘just in case’, because we were told to be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. I saw how the physical act of packing eased my fears and assisted me to gain some common sense perspective. And then – the phone would ring and someone with another fire update would assist me in keeping my fear of being homeless character in control of me. By Saturday evening, me as my physical body was paying the price for the fear I had participated in, where in the pit of my stomach was pain like I’ve not had in a very long time and, I was physically and mentally exhausted – which is something I rarely experience. I was completely wore out from all of my character/role playing.

The thing is, I’m grateful for the experience, because I was able to be more aware than I’ve ever been in seeing how devastating fear is. How fear is silent as it exists within our secret mind, and very deadly to who we are as our physical bodies and physical reality. I saw how our mind in fear will deceive us to the max – where when I stopped participating in thoughts of being homeless and ‘thought’ I was breathing, I wasn’t.

I was suppressing myself within fear of loss where I experienced feelings – which I shared with my partner – where I suddenly felt lonely and alone, like I wanted to go searching for that feeling one experiences when one is first falling in love. Which was how me as my mind was trying to protect itself.

When I exposed the point to my partner, another quick thought replaced the feeling, it was, ‘well then, I’ll just get high and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all’. lol – I didn’t actually consider either – instead I stopped, breathed and applied self-forgiveness. The point is, the mind as consciousness will look for a quick fix, a cure/medicine for the fear and ultimately our physical bodies and our physical reality pays the ultimate price.

Fortunately, no one was seriously and/or physically injured in the fires, however, many lost their homes. It’s a humbling experience and I realized just how much self-interest and greed still exists within and as me and, I also realized how if we had an Equal Money system in place – I wouldn’t have had to face the homeless character of/as my mind nor feared becoming homeless for real.

**Within the posts to follow I will be walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective/self-commitment statements – in regards to specific memories, picture images as thoughts, and, the many different characters which were triggered within my mind beginning with the fear character of becoming homeless.**

Day 2 – Self-Trust

I finished watching a movie today called, ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ – which is based upon the 2005 fictional writings of Jonathan Safran Foer. Jonathan introduces us to nine year old Oskar Schell whose father died a year earlier on 9/11 in the World Trace Center. Oskar finds a key while looking through his father’s belongings and so he sets out on a mission to find the lock that fits the key and he travels all over New York City by himself in a desperate longing to reconnect with his father. The movie is just as predictable as any movie with a similar story line. However, it’s the words written by Foer, where one will notice the ‘reeling’ in and direction of the consciousness mind. And, the lack of self-trust and without self-trust, there is no self.

If you’ve ever been fishing – you’ll understand my reference to the word ‘reeling’. When you’re holding that fishing pole in hand and we bait the hook and then we cast it into the water and wait for the fish to bite so we can reel in our catch. That’s exactly how the words quoted in the movie is – it’s ‘bait for the mind consciousness system’. Hearing the words, I realized how very quickly mental masturbation was just moments away from me within the words written/spoken within the film. I felt the pull of intoxication which I was able to breathe through and stop so I’m going to share a few of those quotes below – and more importantly, I’ll be sharing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to walk in self-corrective application which is supportive in directing self as life.

Reading the quotes, we have to understand that consciousness believes that we are only as ‘it’ defines us, so it’s vital to investigate our thoughts and/or reactions/emotions/feelings, as well as the origin, especially if there is confusion and/or a perplexity existing within us as this would indicate self-definition points revealing within us something we’ve not yet considered.

Quotes from the movie:

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”

I was aware of how much my mind gravitated toward this particular quote. It was like it had a familiar comfortable feel to it. As I slowed myself down and remained aware of my breathing – I recognized an emotion of regret which I’ve recently become aware of through walking Desteni I Process. I’ve used this point of origin before against myself as a coping mechanism to remain stuck within that point of regret.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shift into a coping mechanism of regret triggered by the words ‘bones straining’, where I unconsciously went into a polarity point of good/bad where within my secret mind I allowed a social comparison wherein I saw myself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system within myself and towards myself as not being good enough and thus judged myself as if I was seeing myself through another’s eyes as ‘them’ casting judgment towards me, thus I judged myself within comparison which further fuels and entraps me in memories of regret wherein I remain stuck in time programmed by words and sound frequencies.

When and as I see myself participating within the coping mechanism of regret triggered by words – I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I have walked this pattern and I’m aware of the consequences of existing within polarity of good/bad, right/wrong and positive/negative. Instead I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

This is where Oskar is remembering a question he once asked his father.
“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist? I don’t mean how, but why. I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head. Then he said, we exist because we exist. We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened. And Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.”

My mind directing me as consciousness was totally attracted to this – even though it answers nothing, provides no real assistance and obviously no real solution for how our world currently exists in how we overlook the obvious scam we’ve accepted as Capitalism. The words are completely backwards in it’s way of hiding the obvious – which is that everyone and everything exists within the reason of and for Money. Every single decision is based upon reasons of greed, competition and wanting to have more than our neighbor as we continue to struggle to survive within a corrupt monetary system while we support a few who have it all because we accept and allow it. Plain and simple, this screams fatal attraction and the mind as consciousness thrives on this because it’s like a roller coaster to no-where under consciousness direction.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a fatal attraction like experience within myself triggered by words which keeps me within the illusion of hope and feel good connotations of enslavement for myself and all living beings where I completely forgo all common sense and the ability to direct myself according to what is real and according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for pretending that I don’t see those who are starving to death while I continue to support a monetary system through purchasing things I don’t even require just so I can feel better about how I look to others and/or so I will have more than my neighbor even when I know that valuing profit over life is murder.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that how our world exists in poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation are manifestations of and symptom of the disease we call Capitalism.

When and as I see myself manifesting myself as a reactive-expression – I stop, I breathe. I realize the pattern is attempting to defend my EGO. I stop separation in self-interest. I stand one and equal as the moment with the other being breathing in awareness of and as all as one as Equal.

When and as I see myself participating within a pattern of self pity and self judgment because I fear facing the truth of me as what I’ve been and become – I stop, I breath. I do not accept nor allow self pity and/or self judgment to exist within me – Instead I stand in support of an Equal Money system to bring an end to poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation and manifestations and/or symptoms of the disease we call Capitalism. I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

“I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider that the past might have a need for me.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in through and as memories of my past as thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus have kept the past alive as what is here and is in and as the future of what I’ve yet to walk, be and become.

When and as I see myself participating in memory patterns – I stop. I breathe. I understand that memories are like escape routes the mind uses to enforce direction from the past to here and I no longer accept that as who I am. Instead I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.

“Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk so fast that I’ve stumbled over my own words similar to an experience on speed wherein I accessed a personality due to conversations and thought patterns as mind participation instead of slowing myself down and breathing in awareness of me as my physical body here within and as this physical reality.

“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that what I’m missing is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear in simply being here within and as the human physical body because I’ve had inner desires to be more and feel like more.

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse. But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake and fear being wrong because I fear being judged by others.

“Maybe we’re just missing things we’ve lost, or hoping for what we want to come.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wait in hoping for someone and/or something to take the wrongness out of how I feel.

“Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?”

I forgive myself that I’ve separated myself from me as my physical body to such an extreme that I didn’t realize that feelings and emotions and thinking is creating pain within me as my physical body as well as within the pain and suffering within our physical reality.

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within the fear that I wasn’t behaving as I was suppose to according to the beliefs of others and how they were feeling and/or experiencing themselves and/or for fear they might question the validity of my actions.

“And then a thought came into my brain that wasn’t like the other thoughts. It was closer to me, and louder. I didn’t know where it came from, or what it meant, or if I loved it or hated it. It opened up like a fist, or a flower.”

I forgive myself for rejecting me Cathy, through the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind which I have participated within and which I have not yet directed as myself – one and equal. I commit myself to forgive myself and stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions and to direct myself here one and equal as life.

“We go on killing each other to no purpose! It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there’s no one left to fight.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wage a war first within myself through dishonesty in who I’ve been according to how I walked and talked and acted as the necessary personality I saw that was required according to where I was and who I was with and as I existed in and as such inner wars of discontent I subsequently remained unaware of my responsibiltiy for the war we waged against life within and as our world.

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What’s missing within the words/quotes of the movie? Self-Trust

Without self-trust there is just illusion and fear, because when we’re trusting hope and faith and love and beliefs, our trust in self isn’t real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have never actually lived as who I am as breath as the moment as me – that I have always accepted and allowed the mind to control / direct and influence me through believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions. Till here no further. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my self trust outside myself into someone and/or something else.

When and as I see myself lacking self trust where I’m being directed/influenced and/or believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions, I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I’ve proved to myself that I am able to effectively stop and direct myself within and as self-honesty and according to the Principle of Equality – a Principle supportive of and as All as One as Equal.

Through daily writing and applying self-forgiveness – self-honesty steps forth, and through self-corrective statements one is able to develop self-trust. This must be proven to and for self by self through daily written, spoken and applied application.

I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.
Cathy Krafft

The Journey to Life – Join us Walking