Tag Archive | homelessness

Day 283: Suburban Decay

For Context Read: How Ferguson Went From Middle Class to Poor in a Generation

“In 1990, Ferguson, Mo. was a middle class suburban enclave north of St. Louis with a population about three-quarters white. In 2000, the town’s population was roughly split between black and white with an unemployment rate of 5%. By 2010, the population was two-thirds black, unemployment had exceeded 13%, and the number of residents living in poverty had doubled in a decade.

The situation there is “really not so different than the rest of St. Louis County,” said Dr. Norm White, a criminologist with the Saint Louis University School of Social Work. “The problems we saw in the urban core have become the problems of the suburban umbrella.”

“The same decay that sparked unrest in one Missouri town is taking place across the country.”

On the surface it looks like what’s going on in Ferguson is all about racism, but it’s important that we have a look at the fact that Ferguson’s poverty and unemployment rate is worse than the national average.

stop killing us

“Ferguson is just the place that the scab got pulled off,” White, the criminologist, tells TIME. “The reason why this is so intense is that there are a lot of these little communities that have been left almost to rot. Physically the buildings are falling down. There are no social service programs.”

What can we really expect from people who are struggling in unimaginable ways such as living in poverty and homelessness? How come it’s so difficult for us to talk about the fact that having little to no money, with no end to the struggling in sight, how come this is not seen as a motivating factor embedded within the anger and the fears of the people of Ferguson?

I think mostly people are desperate and scared because they don’t know what to do or where to turn for help with their day to day struggles to survive. So when someone is killed like in a case like this, all hell brakes lose and still, we have the nerve to overlook the facts as their thrown in our face of how Poverty leads to War

“The greater the racial income gap, the deeper are the divisions between black and white workers, and the weaker are the unions and class solidarity.” Michael Reich; Study of The Journal of Human Resources

Truth is, what’s happening in Ferguson looks like war because it is war and it’s important to see the facts. And the fact is, our current Money System has failed us and we have to realize that what’s happening in Ferguson is happening in one way or another all around our world. The poor are getting poorer while the rich are getting richer and it’s important that we get clear on the fact that War is Not, never has been and never will be the solution.

The solution will no doubt require us to come together as a Group, to Support each other in bringing about a Money System that acts according to what’s best for all.

Investigate ‘The Living Income Guaranteed Proposal’


“There is nothing more dangerous than to build a society with a large segment of people in that society who feel that they have no stake in it; who feel that that have nothing to lose. People who have stake in their society, protect that society, but when they don’t have it, they unconsciously want to destroy it.” MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR


“I was very much clearly convinced; in spite of what I saw in the police which was murders and violence and all kinds of things. I saw that more than just an outflow, more just an outflow from the social condition and the lack of resources, the lack of money that caused most of the conditions that I have witnessed in the police. People simply did many of the things out of desperation.” Bernard Poolman


More reading about Ferguson: It’s Now Guns Vs. Cameras in Ferguson


Day 262: A day late and a dollar short

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting here enjoying the sites of fresh fallen snow and the aroma of the vegetable broth brewing on the stove (my partner and I started it first thing when we woke up this morning) and also the smell of a roaring fire just outside my window that my partner just got going. All of it, for me, makes for the perfect day.

So, not to sound all ‘scent’imental’, lol, no pun intended, but I’m realizing more and more how life begins when we begin to develop an awareness of our personal responsibility to become accountable for how our world exists. To educate oneself to understand what it takes these days to survive in this world so to be able to enjoy the simplest of things. For example, what does one have to do/be/become in order to have a warm home in which to enjoy the beauty of a fresh fallen snow and cooking one’s favorite meal

Ok so my point is, as I sat enjoying the snow and the aroma’s all around me, a memory was triggered and I saw how my mind took me back to something my mom used to say, she’d say: I’m a day late and a dollar short. I remember how her words captured me within a way where I was unable to rectify her meaning. I didn’t really understand her choice of words but the tone within which she spoke them gave me clarity on how she felt.  I knew she had allowed herself a missed opportunity and was caught inexcusably unprepared for it.  It is only now that I understand the underlying implications and the utmost importance the experience held on as.
day late and a dollar short
The problem is in the value we give to time and money.  How we seem to unknowingly become the trip our mind chooses for us to take and as the human, we willingly give value to our accepted variety of cultures, belief systems, habits and/or addictions.

We secretly believe in feeling as if we’re always a day late and a dollar short,  so it’s like we keep chasing/looking for some sort of fulfillment. Yep, it’s time for us to Stop participating in how consciousness wants to direct us and instead realize that we can Direct ourself.

As Consciousness,  we’ll seek, plan, prepare and organize for a secured life for ourself and our family and in self interest, we forget to value everyone as we ignore the suffering of others.  There’s no longer anywhere to hide.   We understand how deadly our Current Money System is, where even the simplest of pleasures require time and money and the majority of us don’t seem to have enough of either .

When my partner and I go to town it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to get to the store and another hour to get home.  Time and the Money…  Recently, we spent 128.00 U.S. Dollars for a few veggies, fruits, mushrooms and a package of organic tea!

It’s crazy because the experience of Life in it’s simplest form of day to day survival, has become so expensive that’s it’s not only embarrassing, it’s downright criminal.   I mean seriously, making a living and a life for oneself could be a Journey to Life, to self perfection.

Making a living and a life within a system where everyone is guaranteed a living wage,  where you can learn to depend upon yourself,  whereby becoming responsible and accountable and capable of Stopping what we’ve accepted and allowed.  It is only then that  we’ll begin to share with Everyone all that this physical Earth experience offers for Each one of us.

No one should have to live ‘a day late and a dollar short’ kind of lifestyle.

No one should have to beg for food.

No one should be able to have a home unless Everyone is able to have a home.

No one should be afraid of a hard days work simply because they’re not paid enough to do it.

No one should go to bed hungry.

No one should go to bed cold.

No one should ever suffer because of lack of.

Everyone should be able to determine what their skills are and how they’ll be able to contribute to making a living in this world toward creating  Heaven on Earth as we implement the Simple Law, ‘Give as You would like to Receive’.

I commit myself to direct myself to show that the only chance for Life on Earth to continue will be for the human to come together as a group in agreement in full commitment to each other, to create a World that behaves according to what’s best for All.


“What makes one life more, or less than any other life? What makes one life any more, or less, worthy than any other life? What gives any one life more, or less, value than another? Why should the end of one life be felt more, or less, keenly than another? Why should the suffering of one life be regarded as more, or less, important than another?” Cerise Poolman, Activist’s Journey to Life



Living Income Guaranteed

Releasing Selfish Acts – Through Desteni I Process

I have been writing the time line for my 4th mind construct in my Desteni I Process/SRA Two class, with regards to my son.  These classes just keep getting more fascinating the more mind constructs that one walks.  I’ve been able to see the Selfish Acts of myself – how I have fooled and fueled myself into believing that I have lived by some sort of ‘law’ of righteousness, morality and/or altruism, when clearly I have not, nor do I want to, considering the definitions I have placed these words within me as . 
In considering the Equality Equation – the question I must ask myself is, do I even understand and/or comprehend what such an equation will represent?

to become the directive principle of myself as all as one as equal here

to actually live as the redirection of myself in self-honesty where through self-forgiveness I am realigning and redesigning myself according to each point that I am facing and releasing according to the law of self-correction and in all ways – stopping abuse

where one becomes unconditional in support of all living beings according to and as a Universal Law of Oneness and according to and as a Principle of Equality – that is in fact lawless in a sense, because to give and support all living beings as one would assist and support themselves equally, in order to sustain themselves equally as all life here, will in itself provide unconditional life support to self

no acknowledgment, no attention and/or desires to be met,  because we’ll no longer exist as such
Where giving assistance and support to all living beings is 100 % – free of expectations of receiving
because to give according to expectations is not giving of self equally – thus does not support self of receiving equally

In Self-honesty one is  – Establishing a Law according to Equality by way of The Law of Forgiveness = Equal Money System = The Equality Equation = Life lived as All as One as Equal as self here breathing within and as The Law of Equality

Begin here in small acts of Equality – How are you assisting and supporting others every day consistently and Equally as yourself?

Back to my lesson – cheers



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Self Honesty versus Honesty

As a child growing up, to be "honest", meant to tell the truth, but more than not, the reasons and/or actions of ‘telling’ a version of the truth, was always according to beliefs and/or opinions, as well as any ‘laws’ that governed us. To be "honest", has not, and does not – according to how we as humanity have defined ourselves and have existed as – stand equal and one within a solution that is practical for all to be able to exist here living in dignity within every moment.  I grew up wanting to live in honesty, and I quickly realized that it was usually to my benefit to tell a ‘little white lie’, which was certainly more tolerated and accepted.  I didn’t get in as much trouble when telling a ‘little white lie’, because mostly people just wanted to hear what they wanted to hear. We were all to ‘afraid’ of ‘getting our feelings hurt’, and so in order to fit in, I followed along like everyone did.
I began to question my self and my actions in “honesty” one Sunday morning during church service as I participated in the holiday ‘dress up’ for the ‘Mother’s day’ service. All of the women were dressed to the max, wearing brand new dresses with matching handbags, shoes and hats, as well as a wearing a corsage.  Everyone of us complimenting the other one about how beautiful their dress was, as we each stood in jealousy of each other.  As a woman, I know there was jealousy because later within our own little ‘clicks’ we would talk about ‘so and so’…

As “honesty’, I was existing according to which ever ‘system’ definition I was wanting, seeking and desiring attention as, and/or what energy I was requiring, in order to maintain a belief about myself.  Always according to the religion system, education system, and/or relationship/family systems, and always according to any fears that may arise within the energy I wished to escape from and/or wished to experience and exist as.

I overlooked any common sense, because I just wanted to ‘fit in’, and the "truth is", I never questioned my "honesty".  It all seemed harmless and I believed that I wasn’t hurting anyone as I existed in the make-believe world of/as the direction of my mind.  I never questioned and/or asked myself how my words and actions were affecting others in my world because I was so unaware of how I was participating in who I was and was becoming.  I was being directed according to my mind and separating myself from all life here.  All of which was within the starting point of money because our current money system is the center point of support for and as the systems that we each exist as, and is where the destruction of our self exists. There is so much fear of survival, which is why an Equal Money System will assist us to stop who we’ve become. We are so busy trying to exist that we haven’t questioned our own placement in how we are actually living against ourselves and each other as we continue to support the current systems.

I am grateful how through Desteni I Process – I have begun to stop myself and see and understand how effective "Self-Honesty" really is.  How breathing and becoming aware of myself and asking myself in self-honesty, what am I accepting and allowing myself to exist as – so as to see where to apply self-forgiveness for how dependent my intentions have been as I’ve participated according to my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions.  To exist here free from the energetic outflows, and yet be completely enjoying of myself and others within a Principle of Equality. That which considers all, where my words and actions are one in the same, as All as One as Equal.

It’s a moment by moment process in which I’ve fallen, but I stand back up in self-honesty through self-forgiveness.  Stopping support of systems. Stopping separation.  That’s the difference between honesty and self-honesty. Self-Honesty assist us to stop self-interest and greed,  it builds self-trust, and assists me to see that when I communicate with another, I am communicating with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and pretend to live as I defined myself as honest – instead of seeing and realizing that the correction of self deception means to find a solution as all as one as equal in every moment as I prove my self in honesty to me in self-honesty in and as my words and actions in the interest of oneness and equality for all living beings.

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Find out how you can support yourself financially with the Desteni Income Plan which goes hand in hand with The Desteni I Process!

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Americans Gone Wild – The Solution is Here!

“I can’t dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven’t got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me … but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you.”  – Charles Manson.  This quote by Charles Manson was recently written on someone’s face book wall.  Written by a man most have called a monster, but, I see some truth in his words. Then I read an article called ‘Americans Gone Wild’, where the author states: ‘All over the nation people are losing it and are literally going crazy’.  I will provide a link where you can read the complete article.  I don’t agree with all that he has written, however it’s worth the read if one requires proof of what we’ve become.  It’s interesting that there are literally tons of articles and facts showing proof that this world requires a solution quickly. However, there have been no real solutions, only more of the same shit that have brought us to this point.  We must stop. I have only seen one Real Solution that will benefit us all.  That solution, is an Equal Money System. 
*When you’ve had enough, and you’re ready to stand up in support of all Life, then join us.

Stand up as 1 Vote for an Equal Money System. 

Stop yourself from ‘going crazy’ and/or being ‘possessed’ by your mind – The Solution:

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Article: Americans Gone Wild

Demonology: Revealing the world of Demons

Forgiving Me Once Again of Spite

I sat straight up in bed suddenly from  the dream that I was seeing.  In my dream were people from my past who have meant the most to me throughout my life.  The ones who stood out the most was my mom who died over 9 years ago. Then there was an uncle who I was once extremely close to,  and a woman who I once called my best friend.  All of my children and grandchildren were in my dream, but they didn’t play a part except as an acknowledgement from me as being a part of me.

I was walking with my mom and my uncle as well as my best friend.  And even though we were all walking together there was a strange awareness of our separation.  My mom suddenly faded away right before my eyes,  and strangely enough that was ok with me as I waved to her goodbye. My uncle and my best friend however were in my face, so to speak, as if they were standing before me for me to see myself.  Then both my uncle and my friend suddenly nodded their heads at me, as if to bid me farewell as they turned and walked slowly away from me. 

It was then that I became aware of the most beautiful and enormous dark chocolate horse who was standing to the left of me.  He had been beside me all along and I had only just now noticed him.  His body glistened of beauty and as I stood there taking in his beauty, he looked into my eyes and nodded at me as well.  Then without saying a word I heard him say, wake up, see who you are.  That’s when I sat straight up in bed and I started coughing and there was a wheezing noise coming from the center of my chest and it took me a second to catch my breath.  I was so very thirsty so I went for a drink of water. As I sat drinking my water I became aware of my dream and what it represented of me.

I had just witnessed for myself how I have been standing in separation of all life, and how easy it is to fool oneself into believing that you are facing yourself.  I am grateful for how my physical body assisted me.  Because in the center of my chest where there was congestion I was now aware of where I have been holding myself in and as spite.  If you’ve ever made a spit ball where you dampen a piece of paper and then roll it in a ball – then you’ll understand what I mean when I say that I have been carrying and existing as this rather large size ball of spite right in the center of my chest where I’ve been judging and spiting others, only now seeing that they’re parts of me to be forgiven. 

In my dream, my mom represented the part of me that I have forgiven. My uncle and my best friend represents the part of me that I resist seeing the most and what I hold against others in condemnation and spite. I was having difficulty deciding my next mind construct to walk through in my Desteni I Process class – this assisted me to see where I have stood in separation from others as myself and where to begin to face me in self-honesty and release what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be through self-forgiveness.  I begin here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn and spite others instead of seeing that I am in fact existing as the point of my spite as I have existed in separation from others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray myself in believing that I was seeing myself clearly when I was actually existing as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distant as I eased into a spitefulness unrecognizable to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to barter with myself as I held others in contempt not realizing that I was holding myself hostage within my own mind delusion of hate and spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to park myself within a corner of my mind where I judged another not seeing that I was becoming that which I judging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the part of me that I fear the most where I became uneasy, angry and dissatisfied toward the actions of others not realizing that it is only me that I am uneasy, angry and dissatisfied with as I existed as that which I spited. 

I Stop. I Breathe and I face me in self-honesty. I stop existing as condemnation and spite. I forgive myself and I direct myself according to and as the Principle of Equality.

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Desteni I Process, It’s the Best that you will be

There’s a Self-development & Leadership Course called Desteni I Process. It is how I have come to see and realize how I have existed within a point of self-victimization for, well, as far back as I am able to recall.  I became quite capable of generating from my thought patterns of emotionally charged anger, sadness and an overall disappointment in myself which I hid from myself and projected unto my world.  The energies became similar to addictions in that I didn’t want to let go of them, because I had defined myself according to that which I had accepted and allowed myself to experience through my own participation and creation according to the direction of my mind as a consciousness system.  I am seeing how I sought to blame and manipulate as I remained in anger while I blamed the betrayal and deception of myself unto something and/or someone separate from me.  Desteni I Process has assisted me in stopping and is very effective in bringing you to a point of self-understanding in a manner that is quite humbling and self-rewarding where self-forgiveness gifts you self. Sign up! It’s the Best that you will be

Sharing Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a picture presentation within my mind of the playground where I had a fight where I believed it be a ganging up on me to such a degree that when I see others gathered cheering with regards to the misfortune of another I associate it according to this past picture of myself where I accepted and allowed myself to be and become sadness, disappointment and ridicule where I then blamed others for how I was experiencing myself – instead of facing me in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility for what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as.  I stop. I breathe, I direct me according to and as all as one as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved and controlled within my own self-defined existence where I have not wanted to give up my perception of power for fear that I will lose myself and/or lose control over my life, my world and my experience of myself, thus I allowed energetic charges of sadness and anger which I generated because took the words and/or actions of another personal and shifted blame onto others so as to not take responsibility for what I experienced within myself which was an experience of disappointment within myself for having existed according to and as the direction of and as a mind consciousness system. I stop. I breathe and I direct myself according to and as the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame and mockery upon another in judgment as I secretly ridiculed others for not taking self-responsibility when in fact, I was the one who had not faced myself within the point of manipulation and self-victimization. I stop. I breathe and I direct myself in self-honesty according to and as all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ridicule from others as a way of supporting myself as the victim where I would keep myself hidden from myself in order to not have to face myself within all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become where I generated emotionally charged patterns in which I participated in to further avoid facing myself within all that is here. I stop. I breathe and I direct myself within and as all as one as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within energetically charged emotions of sadness and anger in order to enforce my own self-made victimization according to ridicule and judgments in which I placed upon others – instead I stop. I breathe and I face me in self-honesty. I direct myself as I take self-responsibility and become self-accountable for all living beings here, as all as one as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid seeing what I now see and realize, which is, that I am aware that when I have experienced myself as less than another, it’s because I was hiding and suppressing myself from everyone around me, including me because I knew that I now had to survive in the circumstances and the experiences I had created within myself and I now see and realize that my experience of myself has nothing to do with society, because this world reflects me to me as a projection of myself, so whatever I see in another and/or experience of others, is actually existent within and as me. I breathe, I forgive myself as me, as you, as all as one as Equal.


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Don’t Ever Doubt – The ‘Desteni I Process’

I just completed the mind construct with regards to my ex-husband, who I was married to for 8 years. Through the ‘Desteni I Process/SRA2’, the lessons and tools they provide is how I’ve been able to walk the pattern/construct through and release it. I always referred to the marriage as that of mental and physical abuse. However, I now understand how I and I alone projected and created myself into the marriage and I am completely responsible for how I experienced myself.

As I was writing the memories and the time line of the mind construct this past month – It was imperative that I remain breathing because I noticed specifically how the pattern within the construct was attempting to manifest here as me within the physical. It was very interesting to say the least, because I began to bite my fingernails. So I had to be able to stop myself and breathe and it was interesting because the only time in my life that I have ever bitten my nails was during this particular relationship. A specific memory that I was writing was when I began to notice myself wanting to bite my nails and it was the memory at the beginning of our eight year marriage which was the exact point where I began to bite my nails. Let me explain further.

The pattern began within a mind construct formed when I was a child with regards to my step-dad, (which was the previous mind construct I just finished)  how I blamed and manipulated him by believing him as abusive toward me when that was not the case.  As a child I created the perception of love/hate within situations where I experienced inner conflicts of emotional/feelings of turmoil.  ‘Love’ being defined by me as, ‘those who loved me and cared and supported me would do so through physical hugs etc’.  When I didn’t receive that they way I thought/believed I should, then I would experience inner turmoil where I would then act out by crying/isolating myself,  and/or misbehaving, and subsequently, I would then get into trouble by receiving physical spankings from my step dad. Which I then defined and associated within an idea that ‘love’ will hurt and abuse me.

I then began to experience myself as the ‘victim’. Powerless towards authoritative figures, in which I defined as someone who will demand something from me, and if I don’t give in, then they will hurt and abuse me. The relationship that I had with my ex-husband was merely me playing out the pattern which was charging/maintaining and keeping me locked into an already designed mind construct. Why?  Because, I had established a point, that my step-dad had authority over me and I gave my power away to the emotional turmoil that would come forth from within me. Then as that perception manifested of me being powerless towards him, I created the belief that he abused me. Thus experiencing myself as the victim, I confirmed this point of self-victimization within myself by running off crying which manifested further as I created more fear within myself where I then created a belief that I was being abused by him. Which for me represented a point of authority and me experiencing myself as powerless, and my step dad as being the authority that I was powerless to.  lol – It took me a bit to be able to write that out where it made sense in words to me!

I continued this pattern further with my relationship with my ex-husband and I compounded further points of self-victimization. Because instead of running away crying as I did when I was a child, I would instead suppress myself further in fear of showing my tears in front of him and withdrew further into myself, where I then began to bite my finger nails, which I had never done before. This point was a protection-mechanism and was the basis of me forming the habit of biting my nails. And the whole point of the self-victimization pattern continued to charge itself as I continued to participate as it. All of which was me manipulating myself within the fear of being alone because I feared that I could not provide for myself. Another example also of how an Equal Money System would assist people – because with Equal Money, people will be able to move out and take care of themselves and not further compound the already existing mind construct, but instead begin to face themselves in self-honesty. Free from the fear of surviving!

If you’re reading this and you’re not familiar with the Desteni I Process – then you’re going to want to get familiar, because it is amazing how I’ve been able to locate the pattern within a mind construct in which I created, where I have existed and walked as, in self-victimization, self-manipulation, self-belief and self-judgment, where I have been stuck in and as, for my WHOLE life. I can now walk the self-corrective application in self-honesty and self-trust. Never will I accept and allow the pattern to be who I am ever again!  What a release…Ok, I’m still writing self-forgiveness on this point and will share here soon.

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Live Like You Were Dying: ‘Desteni I Process’

I walked into the small local store to get me a soda and I overheard the familiar woman behind the counter saying to someone on the telephone how she was barely able to speak about it.  Her voice was one of drudgery and despair. As I sat my soda on the counter in front of her to pay, she quickly told the person on the phone she had to hang up to wait on a customer.  When she turned and faced me, I saw her eyes were swollen red from crying and she looked as if she had just been talking to death.  I was 8, and reflecting back, I would describe her overall physical expression was that of subordination.

I stared intensely into her eyes wondering what was wrong with her when in walked an older man who had the same physical expression as the woman.  He practically yelled, as he asked her if she had heard what happened to Sean, and she immediately burst into tears.  When I heard the name Sean my mind began to race.  My heart beat increased and I could barely breathe.  Were they talking about the Sean that I knew?  I stood in silence lost in my mind of thoughts and fear swelled in my throat as I began to feel as if I had just shrunken quietly into a darkened dungeon of terror.

I knew a kid named Sean who I sat and talked with a couple of times every week when I came into the store. In passing, we would laugh about simple stuff and I really liked how funny he was.  He was 11, he told stories about how his granddad let him earn a little money of his own using his tractor mower and how proud his granddad was of him that he wasn’t afraid to ‘earn his keep’.  In a matter of moments,  as they continued to talk, it was evident that it was the Sean that I knew. The older man said, how he just couldn’t understand how Sean had fallen off the seat of that old tractor and became pinned under it while it was moving and subsequently, Sean’s chest was crushed. He was found dead in the pasture hours later when he was noticed as being late arriving home. It was then that I ran out of the store and continued to run down the road toward my house.

Finally, I just stopped.  I stopped running. I breathed. I stood there and looked at how I was shaking from within my physical body. I was sobbing. I was scared. My mind was racing so fast in fear that I was dizzy. But, my thoughts were not about Sean.  They were about me, fearing the death of me!  How would I die?  When would I die? I couldn’t hardly breathe!  I started walking slowly toward home and my physical body was heavy. Then I realized something, I had become as the woman and the man in the store.  I became drudgery and despair.  I was in willful subordination against my physical body and life itself.  I became swelled in and as death as I accepted it unto my physical body as me.

I didn’t understand then the destructive nature of my fears as I participated in the thoughts that were charging in on me as feelings and emotions of energy – where a self-dependency of domination was thriving to keep me locked within a system of submissiveness. One of self-destruction which accumulates in and as damaging affects at a cellular level within and as and against my physical body.  And once I was lost in the accepted pattern of fear, I didn’t even consider Sean, or anyone else for that matter. I didn’t consider what would have been best for all.  I didn’t consider what may have prevented his suffering and that of all who suffer. Considering all, is not possible in fear according to the direction of our mind.

How is it,  that an 11 years old boy loses his life attempting to ‘earn his keep’ within our corrupt money system? I never once heard anyone ask that question.  And it’s a question worth answering because the answer is one that we accept and allow that keeps us all bound here unto and as death.

Where we’re only affected by loss of life for a moment until fear and death becomes us, and then we don’t give a damn about anyone else. 
Sean was so proud of earning money to assist his granddad, and he strived for the attention he received for doing so, and it cost him his life.  Maybe Sean would still be alive today if we had had an Equal Money System that provided for all Life – from Birth ’til Death…

This is another example of why I am grateful for ‘Desteni I Process’. 
The lessons and tools: assist me to identify, deconstruct, forgive and
release the mind constructs which I’ve created and have existed as within self-limitation, self-deception, and lack of self-direction, all of which lock me into and as a Mind Consciousness System.

It’s simple: ‘Desteni I Process’, if applied effectively, will assist in saving lives as it will assist humanity to each one become Self-Directed, Self-Willed, Self-Responsible, Self-Honest and Stable. Standing according to and as The Principle of Equality in support of all living beings.

Live Like You Were Dying – Cause we are…


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Consider what is best for all and everyone here as you as we first forgive ourself to see there was never anyone else to forgive.


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A thorn in me forgiven – By way of ‘Desteni I Process’

roseThe word ‘authority’, for me sounds like, ‘a thorn in me’.  My perceptions of those in authority has been one of inferiority where I would hide within myself in the attitude of not giving a shit, when really what I was doing was projecting superiority.  The current mind construct I’m writing in SRA2 through the ‘Desteni I Process’, has assisted me to see how I existed and compounded myself in ego as I reacted toward those of authority.  The particular mind construct is that of my ex-husband, and one in which I always referred to as mentally and physically abusive.

I began to see this pattern forming when I did my second mind construct which was my father.  It’s rather humbling and also very interesting and assisting as I’m seeing how I accepted and allowed the direction of my mind to cast authority upon all the men I’ve had relationships with.  Where I gave myself away to any man I was with. I became who they wanted me to be and I submitted myself to acts that I wouldn’t have before considered – all because I believed that I couldn’t be alone and that I couldn’t provide for myself because I didn’t have enough money to ‘make it’ on my own.  If we had an Equal Money System that provided for all it would have eliminated my fear of survival, which would have assisted me to assist myself.

Who would We as Women become, as daughters, mothers, sisters and aunts, grandmothers and World Leaders, if we were first able to care for ourselves properly?  Our whole experience of ourselves would completely change if we didn’t fear for our very survival.  We as women, we can, and we will someday, Stand up and Support a system where Equal Money paves our way.  We have the ability to enforce Equality upon every single man that exists in this world.   We just have to come together as women, join hearts and hands and agree together.  Because the ‘authority’, we know we have it,  it’s between our legs.  In self-honesty – you know it’s true. Cut em off – ‘til  they become 1 Vote for Equal Money and World Equality.  The morning newspaper will read:  Women Join Together & Bring Equality to the World

We become so frustrated trying to survive within our current money system that we lose ourselves further and further into and as the direction of our mind where we exist in fear. I would become so angry at myself, not realizing that I was compounding myself as ego through superiority.  I didn’t realize that I was really existing as inferior and I would silence myself in fear as I continued to accept and allow myself to participate in self-abusive behavioral patterns.  I further fueled my accepted mind construct until I became the same way towards all authority.  Then I withdrew and became even more angry at myself and began to justify and blame the whole freakin world for how I experienced myself, until I became ‘a thorn in me’.  I avoided any sort of self-responsibility for myself and for how this world exists as I abdicated myself hidden in helplessness.  Which kept me enslaved as consciousness.  Fooling myself as I depended on another’s direction over my own common sense and I became a slave and a follower according to the direction of my mind.

It’s fascinating – seeing and forgiving the patterns that I have allowed myself to remain as according to a self abusive pattern of my mind. One in which I project as who I am, that doesn’t even exist as real in this moment here.  I’m beginning to understand how a rose, that we perceive is so beautiful yet is also very painful to the physical touch in the thorns they bare is a representation for us women to see our own self-deceptions in how, who and what we have become and accepted as who we are within and as humanity.

The act that I have lived as me, is coming to an end.  Join me, breathing in self-honesty, forgiving and releasing thorns of me – as I apply the tools offered through the ‘Desteni I Process’, I’m beginning me in integrity.  You can to, and, We as women, We can all Stand together as All as One as Equal.     

Back to my lesson…

*Will share Self-forgiveness upon completion of my current lesson.

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