Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Investigate Living Income Guaranteed

Day 154: The Hand of God is made of Money

“Sometimes the very things that we fight against are actually the hand of God trying to push us into a new season.” Joel Osteen

With regards to the above quote by Joel Osteen.  Have a look at how he avoids the facts when he refers to ‘the very things we fight against’ within our world, yet, see how he manipulates a rise in our feelings through using the words ‘fight against’, then as always, using the hand he’s been given that he claims is from God – which is made of/from money – he stops short, and offers no solution for all  that is tangible for assisting our world.

Maybe, Mr. Osteen actually believes what he’s selling, yet, what he’s selling offers no support for the tremendous amount of suffering, poverty, war and starvation which is happening within every corner of our world. In fact, he’s known for saying how he likes to focus on the positive within our world, and thus, chooses not to mention the poor and suffering.  Maybe he’s taking advantage of our willingness to accept him as having some sort of special powers because after all, his net worth is an estimated $40 million.

So, when he writes a quote that implies there is a God somewhere fighting our battles for us – maybe he wants to be sure that we’ll continue to support the plight of the rich and famous, or, maybe he really does believe that he’s special and that there really is a God somewhere willing to bless his need for greed while millions suffer in poverty and starve to death.

However,the fact remains, WE support him.  He earns his Money from US.   NOT a God.

The only season upon us in the one where the rich are seizing the opportunity to sell hope to the slaves (us), and thus far, we’ve been willing to buy it.  I choose to stop…

Please don’t misunderstand. I am not placing blame on Mr. Osteen.  The Fact is, We’re All responsible for how our current world/money system exists.

It’s time to realize that the battle going on here on earth,  is between the haves and the have-nots.

Throughout our entire history, nothing has ever changed. It’s the same story over and over, where only the picture and the players change, and, it’s Always, Always, about making and having the most MONEY/Power.

No God will ever come save us, because what is real is what is here which is US.

Thus, we’re going to have to save ourselves. No one can do that for us.

Investigate how: Equal Money

“I Forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how what I accept and allow here in the small, in my own life – I will accept and allow in my relationship to humanity/this world. Where, whenever I face a point of responsibility, like for example each of us human beings, individually standing within self-responsibility to ourselves and to all, we instead each individually abdicate that practical reality responsibility of sorting out THIS REAL WORLD, creating a NEGATIVE towards it within ourselves in all of our opinions, judgments, fears, insecurities, knowledge and information and INSTEAD create a POSITIVE in our Minds through/within Religions/Spiritualities/Movements/Entertainment etc. – following only the GOOD FEELINGS in our own self-interest, when: How would this World change if we stop, individually, looking at everything as a Negative in our Minds, but PRACTICALLY approach the problems/consequences in this world and come up with PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS that would be best for all, in equality and oneness, Here. But, interestingly enough, we are so caught up in the spinning webs of our Minds in ENERGY that human beings, individually, would fight/defend/protect their POSITIVE FEELINGS and regard this more than All Life on Earth. That they cannot see beyond the POSITIVE ENERGY, how Life on Earth would change for ALL within, for example the proposed Equal Money System. But, it’s fascinating here, that: individuals cannot have the ‘Positive Feelings/Energies’ in the Mind, if the Negative/Bad in their lives/this world do not exist as it does, cause for the Positive to Exist, the Negative must exist. And so, we as human beings will keep this world/humanity the way it is, just to have/maintain/possess the Positive-Energy Experiences we have defined ourselves as in the MIND…” Sunette Spies – Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 123: God’s Will Is A LIE

After an evening with my partner, watching a movie, the following Self-forgiveness was inspired while hearing the numerous ‘praise & worship’songs scattered throughout the movie.

I forgive myself for not realizing how what I was looking for – when I submitted to the character of and as my mind as the ‘take me just as I am mindset’ – was that of hope in something greater than the perception I had of myself, thus, I pretended to not see the bloodshed of thousands upon thousands who suffer and die daily as I justified death as “The Will of God“, because the fact is blood is shed in our acceptance of our world/money system which glorifies profit over that which is real as our Physical Body and our Earth as this Physical “Reality, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the love of God made me ‘special’, ‘just as I am’, not realizing that when Man speaks, God speaks, because “The Will of God” is “The Will of Man”, as the creator of our reality, as the choices we accept and allow.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the lamb of God was like a guilt offering that I sought for to relieve me of my own guilt for abdicating myself from life within the beLIEf that “The Will of God” would redeem me from that which I feared the most which was me as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that “The Will of God” is actually the will of the mind as consciousness and another word for ownership and possession wherein our secret mind we allow ourselves to manipulate relationships to gain more money as possessions within feelings and emotions and experiences where we boost our ego and then refer to what we accomplish as “The Will of God.”

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I praised “The Will of God”, I was actually praising the illusions of and as my Mind and desensitizing myself to the reality of how life exists within an abusive world/money system and as long as I accepted “The Will of God” as real, then I could momentarily avoid facing myself and my responsibility, and for awhile I was able to avoid myself and ignore the suffering and pain of others, until one day I could not, thus I see, realize and understand that eventually we can no longer run from that which we are, and inevitably we will have to face who we’ve become as our mind as ego, self-interest and greed, thus to see little by little how everything we’ve ever believed in, has been a LIE, and we let go and we Stop and we breathe. We forgive ourself and we realize that we can no longer live the Lie, thus, I commit myself to stop fighting for Life and to instead Support Life in Supporting Equal Money.

I commit myself to have the courage to live self-honesty and to show that if I’m able to stop and face myself and support a world according to what’s best for All, then anyone can.

I commit myself to Stop “The Will of God“, which is Man as Greed, Self-interest and Ego, and to show how the only valid purpose for being here is to establish a world that is best for All Life in All ways.

I commit myself to show how the lies we’ve taught our children – including those with regards to “The Will of God” – throughout our history enforces reactions to fear and survival and how in an Equal Money System children will be taught common sense life skills according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how when profit is taken out of the equation and we produce goods and services within the starting point of what’s best for All life, including nature, animals and our physical reality of/as planet earth, we’ll see how with Equal Money – there will never be a reason for anybody to suffer at the hands of profit and/or self-interest and greed.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money will for the first time in the History of Man provide effective support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how the “Will of Self as Life” wherein All Life exists according to that which is Best for All is the Desteni of MANKIND.

“I commit myself to show that Jesus understood the Word as Life as Living flesh, but also understood that the Human was Not Ready to Realize until all is Lost, and the End of Life is Certain. We have Reached that Time – and Each will Face a Final choice which will be proven as the Living Flesh and Only those as the Living Flesh that Live what is Best for All Life as Neighbours, will enter Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 116: The War Within in the Name of God

Realizing the nature of my war within. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself for all the times that I accepted and allowed myself to make choices and decisions about going to war against other countries, land and people based upon my belief of and in the name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the destructive nature of and as the secrets of my mind to be that which has consumed and directed me to such a point that I wonder if I even have the right to refer to myself as a living being whose only ever existed within and as war while never questioning the real nature of War in the Name of God.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living expression of war within myself in the Name of God, wherein self hate and fear I surrounded myself within and as lies I told myself about a God who only ever existed within and as my mind as consciousness – where I pretended my belief in a God made me feel better, when it actually didn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself a human while I followed and acted like others using words like hope and faith in the Name of God and never actually expressed who I am in self-honesty within and as a living physical expression of tenderness and compassion as that of being humane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sympathy for others within the starting point of casting impressions from/as characters/memories/personalities of and as my mind within the starting point of fear of survival in fearing the despair of another may fall upon me as I ran from the War Within in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed within and as my mind in filling my own wants, needs and desires that I didn’t want to stop and see how in the name of God is how war within begins and manifest into and as our world.

I forgive myself for not realizing what those in war have to actually live and become as a living expression of evil in order to physically kill others just to fulfill the demands of those of us who say we require defense in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my support of wars to kill other human beings in the name of God, all the while not realizing how/what the acceptance of such an allowance is creating and manifesting within me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing that money is the light of God on Earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to warship in the name of God those who manipulate from the starting point of their own war within in order to profit in/as power of money above life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the Name of God beLIEve that I’m not responsible for the wars within this world, that I’m innocent, when in-fact I am responsible for accepting and allowing it to continue while I quietly ignore it as I go about my daily life in/of and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that our problem is the very nature of ourselves as our mind as consciousness – which is the God we’re actually beLieving in as being real – as we accept and allow ourselves to be directed as it, and enslaved to it through our world/money system – instead of seeing realizing and understanding, that it is I who decides who I am. It is I who decides to direct me according to what’s best for All – to hell with the War within in the Name of God – because through writing and self-forgiveness, I am able to see who and what I can become and walk as, in self-honesty, thus, I commit myself to creating and manifesting a world where life on Earth is a living expression of equality and oneness as Heaven on Earth according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we as a humanity have Never taken self-responsibility for ourselves and for how our World exists.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have forsaken that which is real as our Physical Body and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we lie, cheat, steal and kill our neighbors just so we can be and have more.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we live out our Fears of Survival, and then we Die.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have never known who we can be in and as Self-Honesty and Self-Trust.

I commit myself to show how we Can Forgive our selves through Self-forgiveness

I commit myself to show that humanity requires real compassion and tenderness through first providing support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality through an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to show how in One moment, Everything can and Will change with Equal Money because Every Single Living Being will be Provided for – No One will ever again be left behind.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money provides life support for every newborn child where No child will ever again starve to death.

I commit myself to show how we have never required a God to manifest and create that which we are capable of with Equal Money.

I commit myself to show how with Equal Money – All WAR AND FEAR OF SURVIVAL WILL END – Imagine That…

I commit myself to life in supporting a System of Equality where Life becomes a Living Expression of Love as Giving to All that which you would like to Receive.

Day 109: For the Love of God

I reacted today to a comment I read on face book about putting one’s ‘faith in God’ – thus the following Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and others as myself all the while existing within and as a memory/character of and as my mind within the beLIEf of ‘the Love of God‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children to believe the same lie, where I taught them to have faith in someone, (God), outside of themself instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their world because I perceived ‘the Love of God‘ was easier than facing the lies of/as self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the beLIEf of the ‘love of God’ never question how it is that we’ve come to accept and allow a world/money system that only shine’s it light upon those who are rich, without seeing, realizing and understanding the polarity equation that when there are rich, there has to be those who are poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek shelter from myself as my physical body within and as memories/characters and lies within and as my mind in believing in ‘Love’ and/or the lies of there being a ‘higher power‘ and/or ‘For the Love of God’.

I forgive myself that I have lied, reacted to others, and run away from myself for my whole lIEfe, hiding in and as anger, sadness, sorrow, guilt, remorse and self hatred, where I have feared even communicating because of how I experienced inner emotional conflicts and suppressions and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the BELIEF in the Love of a God to be responsible for and take care of my life because I feared facing me in self intimacy – so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by life and thus betrayed by ‘The Love of God – and, I see, realize and understand how betrayal is that of blame, wherein, ‘For the Love of God‘, I conditionally placed faith, trust and responsibility of myself and my life within the ‘hands’ of another (God) – where I literally submitted myself and my life over to another (God) – where in separation from me as who I am as my physical body within and as our physical reality – I allowed myself to LIE to myself, and thus abdicated myself over to the care of/as a perception in/as my mind in giving permission for ‘the Love of God’, to ‘handle’ my life – instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and my life experiences – thus, when my life hasn’t gone as I’ve ‘hoped’, I’ve felt betrayed because of how I conditionally placed faith and trust and responsibility for me and my life over to and for ‘the Love of God, and, within that, I have accepted and allowed myself to react and exist in/as anger – I stop. I Breathe.

I see, realize and understand how me as anger is only a symptom of my own betrayal because I didn’t take responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I was actually experiencing within myself in how I was blaming my situation and my experience of myself on my parents, my world and society as a whole – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception because I perceived in/as memories/characters of/as my mind that it’s easier to blame someone else separate from me for my life experiences than to take self-responsibility for what it is that I have actually been experiencing within and as me.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to betray and/or deceive me except me.

I commit myself to show how self actually knows that self uses the belief in a God to Not face self and take self-responsibility for what self has accepted and allowed according to what and how our world/money system exists in keeping us enslaved to/as our own fears.

I commit myself to show how through writing, self-forgiveness and in self-honesty, one is able to Stop the fear and thus, Stop the Lie as the belief in a God and/or the Love of God.

I commit myself to show how through self-corrective application one is able to Stop fear and walk in self trust in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and thus show how our world is a reflected manifestation of that which exists within and as each and every single one of us, and how we are individually responsible for how our world/money system exists, thus, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are each able to live, express and apply ourselves in taking self-responsibility for our world in creating Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

(Please read: Day 106: Living the Lie for further perspective.)

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that another Lie is to Deliberately Disregard Physical Evidence as to the History of the Earth and to Promote the Lie of Religion based on the Premise that because the Origin of Life is Not Grasped, it must Come from Some Higher Power, and in One Foul Swoop, the Existence and Allowance and Acceptance of all the Lies as the Weakness of Human Character as that which tends to Lie and Deceive, is Justified and taught to every Child as if it is the Gospel truth – and anyone trying to Question the Lie, is Made out as a Liar, by Spreading Lies and Gossip, because it is Understood that because the Human lies all the Time, the Human will accept Lies as truth and truth as Lies – so, the Big Lie is Safe.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 91: Do Gooders Hell

Today, I reacted with ‘good intentions‘ while I was defending my grandchildren. I saw how, in my attempt to make a difference in how parents react to their children – I failed, because my starting point was that of the limitation/religious system, consisting of ‘I’m not powerful enough to make a difference in this world’. Fortunately, the pain between my shoulder blades assisted me to see how stiff I was becoming as I testified within the programmed sentencing I was accepting and allowing myself as. Thus, I quickly stopped myself, breathed, forgave myself and corrected myself in the moment. Sharing here further self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as ‘good intentions’ – where I saw myself as I testified within starting point of ‘not being powerful enough to make a difference in this world’, and within that, I forgive myself for how I used my physical body as the point I was enforcing in how I pushed my chest out slightly in a false sense of CONfidence all the while my shoulders asked for my awareness as them as I sought to exist on the outside in polarity to how I was existing on the inside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become, ‘Testified = see stif die = zombiefied, wherein I knew that me as my physical body felt uncomfortable, yet there was an automated resistance because I ‘wanted’ to make a difference even though I already realize that it’s not about making a difference in this word – it is to Stop EVERYTHING, so that nothing of this world and what humanity has accepted and allowed will remain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved to ‘wanting to do good‘ and/or ‘doing something with good intentions’, because within that as the ‘wanting to make a difference in this world’, is the point where nothing happens, because nothing changes and no difference is made, thus we fail – because our starting point is not as who we are as life as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking at my intentions – which I now see, realize and understand how from my starting point of being good they served only a point of self preservation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘perceive’ how others expect me to be, where within those expectations, I’m aware of how my responsibility towards various people constitutes my social relationships/interactions/behaviours whereas I become various characters/personalities in order to fulfill how I perceive within my mind that others are expecting me to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my shoulders when I knew they were asking for me to be aware of and assist them through and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as my physical body to such a degree that I manifest stiffness and pain in and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how ‘Good intentions’ actually pave the road to hell – thus, I commit myself to live by example and focus on myself first, standing one and equal and assisting and supporting others the same as I assist and support myself through self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop reacting within the starting point of the limitation/religious system consisting of ‘I’m not powerful enough to make a difference in this world’, because I see, realize and understand that it is Not about making a difference in this world – it is about stopping what is here as our current world/money systems and to support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that there’s nothing I can do ‘out there’ – that it’s in here in every moment, where through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty that I stop me as my mind and apply self-corrective application and align myself in/as oneness and equality.

I commit myself to stop existing according to how I ‘perceive’ others expect me exist, where I constitute my social relationships and my interactions accordingly – instead I breathe and remain stable, directing me in self-honesty according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for me as my physical body.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for our physical/reality/world/existence.

I commit myself to stop living intentions because I see, realize and understand how an intention is not yet here as me and thus is only me trying, which is actually me failing because in that I separate myself from my words, thus I see, realize and understand that I am life and as life I am that which I participate within and as, thus, I commit myself to redefine and live the words I choose according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to:How the World will Never Change – Day 32)

Day 86: Opportunity of Innocence

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blog: Day 85: WithHolding – –

When and as I see myself existing in/as a character of holding a grudge of blame to/towards another, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually projecting unto them separation of how and what I am experiencing inward to/towards myself.

When and as I see myself deliberately inferiorizing myself – where I make myself less than, in order to please another so I’ll receive an experience of myself as being appreciated, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand how such behaviour enforces hope in establishing an illusionary position of power within my mind of/as me as resonant patterns of/as characters/personalities/thoughts/feelings and/or emotions of/as my parents and as such are MANipulative and deceptive and serve no purpose except to continue to enslave me, as my physical body in/as my mind, to consciousness.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how Everything that I participate in, as memories/charActers/personalities/thoughts/feelings/emotions/words/energy and experiences – have life changing effects upon life here for everything and everyone as who we are within and as our physical body within our physical reality – thus it is imperative that I / We Decide – I Decide who I am Willing to be and become, therefore I make the Decision as me as my Physical body to Stand in Agreement to move myself to support a system that will support our World and Everything/Everyone here, according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to walk in/as me as my physical body into and as a physical comprehension of who I am as my physical body – to Stop separating me from me as my physical body, and to show how innocence has never actually existed as who we are as consciousness – how for us to have an Opportunity of Innocence as a Living Expression of who we are, we as Human beings – must walkas the Living example of Self-forgiveness in/as the Nature of Equality – to Give unconditionally unto others, thus, receive unconditionally as an expression of/as self in/as a living expression of Innocence as Principle of/as Life.

I commit myself to let go of the charActer of holding a grudge – where I suppress myself in how I become righteous anger, blame, self-judgment and self-victimization – instead, I support myself to HOLD myself Standing and Walking as me as my Physical body as a Living example of Self-Accountability and Self-Responsibility – wherein I realize and understand that my mind as ME as the MEmories/charActers and personalities of those who’ve gone before me, is who and what I have given permission for, yet, I am Capable of Forgiving/Correcting and Directing myself to be and become change, beginning from the inside of me as my physical body-out, and to as such provide any and all support required to manifest and Create a World according to what’s Best for All – thus, it is, I Who Decides to Stop myself from the trap of the moving motion picture show of me as my mind as Consciousness MEmories/charActers and personalities/thoughts – to Stand up for and as All Living beings, in seeing/realizing/understanding how through what we accept and allow to exist within and as our mind as consciousness systems – we kill that which is Real as who we are as our physical body in/as our internal organs, cells, tissue and muscular/skeleton – where as our mind-physical we through/as memories/charActers and personalities/thoughts/feelings and emotions entangle and strangle our physical body from the inside out and therefore manifest and create our physical world/reality as that which exists in/as us within all the pain and suppression – where we then watch the madness play out daily within our world as we avoid seeing what it is, as who we are, that we are manifesting and creating our World as – how we are in this Moment of Breath the One Who Decides to Stop and Support ourselves and/as others, through supporting an Equal Money System – thus All life receives proper life support which will allow us to come together and assist each other in facing and releasing ourselves through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction and self-direction – to release, realign and redesign that which is preventing us from experiencing Life for Real as Heaven on Earth.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to, in equality and oneness with and as life, energy and substance, the mind and the physical, from the beginning to now – seen, realised and understood the extent to which ‘who I am’ is in fact existent from and of Memory. With my Mind an automated, manifested Memory-database that I use to create/manifest me into and as characters from Memories. And so all my characters of me in my Mind: is in fact Memory – me in my relationship to the physical-body and so this physical-existence, being/becoming a ‘Living/Functioning’ Memory.” ~ Sunette Spies, Heaven’s Journey to Life Blog – – Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83

Day 85: WithHolding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character holding a grudge of blame to/towards another, not seeing/realizing and understanding how whatever I experience to/towards another is what I’m actually projecting unto them of/as who I am, thus whatever I experience to/towards another is how/what I’m actually experiencing inward to/toward myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize or understand that when existing within a character of/as my mind where I hold a grudge against another, I am actually holding myself hostage within a point of manifested self suppression in a space of righteous anger, self-judgement and self-victimization where I become a living habit as the grudge I hold against another, which is actually a grudge against myself for not meeting the expectations of my mind that I have placed myself within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave to/towards another according to how I behave and experience myself in relationship to how I hold myself within and as characters of/as me as my mind – in how I have defined me in relationship to/as them according to how I have I defined them in relationship to me – wherein I as ‘the victim‘ of my own imagination – will accept and allow myself to be the judge and the jury against what I believe I saw within another – when in-fact what I was seeing/existing as/was my own self-reflection of/as the friend/fiend – looking through me as my physical mind eyes, from within my unconscious mind of/as a glass window pane – where me as a mind consciousness system will scan through all of my memories/characters and personalities – which I have created and manifested in/as my relationship to/towards a particular person who I ‘believe’ I hold a grudge to/toward – when in-fact, I as my mind as consciousness is holding a grudge against myself within the point of conflicting resonant patterns/character/personalities according to what I alone have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when corrected by someone to go into absolute fear inside myself where I then withhold myself and basically go into hiding within a space of blurriness where my reality and/or my idea of it completely changes and, I create in my secret mind an outward gr-judge toward whoever I perceive as having done me wrong – yet, I’m actually withholding myself from myself because within that I didn’t see/realize and understand how the only grudge I hold is in judgment to/as myself which is always directed inward towards myself causing damage upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how what I withhold from myself is that which I’m holding in/as suppression which manifest without unto our world, thus, actually withstanding life itself from manifesting as a world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as holding a grudge to/toward myself through participating in and as internal conversations/backchat causing internal damage to my organs and flesh of and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as a character holding a grudge to not see/realize and understand how I deliberately inferiorize myself, where I make myself less than in order to please another so I’ll be appreciated and/or accepted, because I have yet to appreciate and/or accept myself thus, I compromise myself within an idea that doing something for someone will validate who I am, because then I’ll be recognized and/or known as ‘special’ within our current world/society/money system – yet, in the act of holding a grudge within my mind, I am deliberately compromising myself in order to further my hope in establishing the illusionary position of power within my mind, and, when my planning falls through as it always has – I become ill willed with resentment to/towards anyone who didn’t support me in my quest for the role of said victory, therefore, within that I forgive myself that I have not seen/realized and understood how in holding a grudge against another I have created indigestion in the pit of my stomach from/as existing in anger to/toward myself for how I accept and allow myself to be in holding myself hostage in/as a character within my mind of holding a grudge.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized and/or understood how in holding a grudge, when I ‘feel’ like I’ve Not got what I wanted and/or intended – when/as I exert reactions to/toward another, I’m only actually reacting towards myself, because in self-honesty, I see how I’ve compromised myself in how I give myself away to my mind in my search of appreciation and acceptance – instead of giving and being appreciation and acceptance as myself in living it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how in/as the character who holds a grudge against another is actually me existing within self-judgment, resentment and anger, which I hold unto me as my physical body within a point of creating a victim of/as me as my physical body thus, manifesting illness and DisEase within myself, where I then seek to SIP off the energy I perceive in others, thus I GO after them through deliberately gossiping about them as a way of protecting/defending/securing myself within my mind of memories through how I’ve developed my characters/personalities from in the first place.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

2012 – Women – Kickin the belief in God

I had some interesting perspectives shared with me today at two different doctor’s offices where I had to return to for follow up visits. One of the nurses, who I’ve known for a few years, began to talk about how strange bacterias and illnesses have become and how difficult it’s been for many to get well after having had a virus and, how many have not recovered and/or have lost loved ones to death, suddenly and unexpectedly.

She said how strangely enough, this has caused her to question her beliefs. Specifically, her belief in God and religion. She said it seemed to her that the only reason people have needed religion/God in the first place, is because of their fear of death, and that really, all death does is, is a way promote fear and that fear seems to promote self interest.

Wow, that was cool to hear and I sat quietly and continued to listen as I’d never heard her speak that way. She went on to say that she wasn’t exactly sure how, but she was sure that religion and the whole idea of a God all began as a means of us wanting to control each other.

She started to say something else, but was then paged to take a phone call and as she was leaving the room, she paused and thanked me, saying that she could tell that I was actually hearing her…

As I entered the office where my second doctor’s appointment was, there were two nurses who were having a similar conversation about religion and God. They were talking about how human limitation is linked to the examples we had as children and how mostly, those examples consisted of God/Religion and/or fear, and that, basically, it’s all the same. They said as far as they were concerned, God/Religion was nothing more than a way to control people and that they were seeing how God/Religion is slowly losing it’s hold on people.

They then began to talk about death and one of them looked at the other one and at me and asked: Can you remember how old you were and where you were when you first realized that life dies? It was at that moment, that I was summoned back to see the Doctor and man, I hated leaving the interesting conversation.

I do remember the day though – the day that I overheard my parents talking with the next door neighbors about death: I was 5 1/2 years old. I remember that it took me awhile to think about their meaning of death, being that when we die, we will no longer exist here on earth. At five years old, I was just beginning to notice myself, so death didn’t really make much sense to me because, within me, it was as if I was always going to be here. I just didn’t get how it is that life is something that can just go away.

With all of the culture of silence that surrounds death and dying, I learned very quickly not to ask many questions about death because my questions simply went unanswered. People were scared to death about dying and absolutely no one wanted to talk about it.

The first time I began to have an awareness of my fear of death was when I was 9. I was sitting in a church, and the pastor of the church began to speak of heaven and hell – how the only way to Not go to hell was to ask for God’s forgiveness for our sins. At nine years old I wasn’t clear what horrible sins I had committed and even though the whole story of death and God and heaven and hell didn’t make any sense to me – I became willing to believe in a God and a heaven, simply because of the fear in the idea of going to some fiery hell.

As I got into my teenage years, I began to find it odd that people I’d known my whole life – who had only ever prayed before holiday dinners – were now getting older and they feared death so, suddenly, God had become important to them. I began to wonder if it would change how accepting people were of war and violence if they were to become able to embrace the reality of their own fear of death.
All I really knew was that no one on earth is in control of their lives and no one questioned how come life dies…

Consider that all of the fears and doubts and judgments, and all the goddamn competitions and hate we secretly hold within ourself against each other, whether quietly or not so quietly, which only appears to remain unseen – that maybe, just maybe it’s all that shit within us – that’s what is manifesting within and as how our world currently exists. Such as in the money wars, where we don’t or won’t question how come we’re ok with people starving to death and living on the streets without a home.

Many people have never challenged the belief systems they were taught as children so when an answer comes, they attack it, instead of stopping and considering to – for a moment – give up all the knowledge we’ve given value to, and prove our-self as life.

Now, as I’ve been walking the Desteni process of self-forgiveness and facing myself in self-honesty, I’m slowly beginning to understand that maybe death is only as real as the abuse we allow to exist within us which has an accumulative affect upon our physical body and, ultimately, manifests within and as our physical reality.

Maybe people really are beginning to challenge and stop their belief systems – for sure we at Desteni are and, we’re realizing that the best way to do that is to stop the systems altogether and forgiving self for accepting them in the first place without even investigating who self is within them.

One thing I know for sure is that the women of this world have it within them to stand up and “Stop” the abuse that’s being accepted and allowed and to change themselves and thus assist in changing this world.

For further perspective on death and the afterlife, suggest the following:

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 1

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 2

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 3

Investigate how Equal Money will assist us in bringing about a world where all life may exist in dignity. EqualMoney.org

Stop praying for peoples ‘soul’ – that’s ignorant

It’s been a strange day today as I breathed through the news of my sister’s death.  She was found dead in her apartment, she had just turned 47.  Initially, I sensed a nervousness when hearing she had died but as I breathed, I realized once again, how we take our physical body and our physical reality for granted.  Then, when death arrives,  we fear it, question it and finally allowing no other choice,  we ultimately, accept it.  My phone has rang off the wall and my email is full of ‘condolences’ and,  all I can really say is, what the fuck!   Are people really serious when they say, ‘well she’s in heaven now with God and with her mom’, and saying how they are, ‘praying for her soul’.  What soul?  Where is the soul? Have anyone ever seen or touched the soul?   The ‘soul’, as well as the ‘idea’ of a ‘God’,  as far as I can see, has fucked us all up big time.

How is it that after all these millions upon millions of years of us as humans walking this earth, that we still hang onto and believe such nonsense.   We say things as if that’s suppose to make everything alright and it does nothing to assist anyone who is actually here walking on this earth.  It’s just another way of hiding our head in the sand so we don’t have to take responsibility for how and what exists within our world.  I don’t need, nor do I require anyone’s ‘condolences’.  And, I’m quite sure that my sister, the Being that she really is, does not require anyone to ‘pray for her soul’.  Stop praying for peoples ‘soul’ – that’s ignorant.  In fact, stop praying.  Get up off your knees – face yourself and the mess here on earth in self-honesty, so we can stop all the suffering.

Maybe, for a split second after her death, my sister was able to see the truth of our existence, which is more than we who are here are willing to see.  I don’t believe for one minute she met with a ‘God’, or the Being who was our ‘mom’ while here on earth.  I’m sure she is walking her process as we all are and, more than likely doesn’t remember who she was when she was here.  Most of the time, we can’t even remember who we are in our dreams when we sleep, so what makes us think we’ll remember ourself in death… We are nothing more than systems existing through and as our mind as consciousness. 

How can anyone in common sense not realize that there is no God and, if you believe there is one, then how is it that your not questioning the fact that thousands of children die from starvation daily because of our fucked up money system.   Few people will even ask that question.   I am no longer willing to accept this thing we call ‘life’ because, ‘life’ here on earth, is nothing but ‘hell’, and then we die.  I for one, have had enough.  As I breathe, I am stopping myself through Self-Forgiveness and I am standing in support of an Equal Money System. Stop waiting to die to receive a ‘heaven’- when we can all agree as one, to create ‘Heaven on Earth’ through the ‘Principle of Equality’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss and cry for the person I believed my sister to be and the person I wanted her to become instead of realizing that in doing so I validate the mind of consciousness, the enslavement of humanity through thoughts, feelings and emotions, that which we have become, that which is not real, that which accepts and allows atrocity as our abusive money system. I stop. I breathe, I direct me here in self-honesty standing according to and as the Principle of Equality in support of an Equal Money System to allow dignity for and as all life to experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the death of those who I’ve known all my life for in that fear what I’m really fearing is who and what I’ve become according to what I’ve accepted and allowed when I didn’t stand up for and as all life because I see, understand and realize that within us each one we have the ability to stand up for and as all life so that all life will no longer suffer as mind consciousness systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry against life for giving up on itself and allowing atrocity to exist, instead of realizing that it is me who gives up on me and in doing so I separate myself from life itself. I stop. I breathe, I release the anger and I stand in support of and as all life so that all suffering to and of life may and will stop as all stand together hand in hand in support of all life to experience dignity through breath accepting each other as self as all as one as equal.