Tag Archive | lust

Day 269: Owner of a Broken Heart?

I was flipping the television channels when I saw a glimpse of a girl from a soap opera – I don’t watch the soap opera but nonetheless her face reminded me of me – it triggered a memory of an experience that I had not long after my 16th birthday.

The thought process that was triggered led me into thinking how ‘this thing’ that happened to me,  was my first time at being the owner of a broken heart.  Now, there have been a few times throughout my life when I referred to myself as being broken hearted, and since to my mind I’ve placed importance in the idea of having had my heart broken,  it’s thus best, if I investigate to see what’s really going on so I can forgive myself.

So this particular time, was when I was 16, which was when I made the decision to have sex for my first time with this guy that I had been dating and making out with heavily for almost a year. Even now I can for a moment access the energy as I remember my thoughts / backchat back then which was leading and influencing my decision, because in my mind,  I would replay the energy of our nightly and lengthy make out sessions over and over.

Immediately after we had sex that first time, my mind began to freak out a little with questions like:  what if the condom breaks and what if I get pregnant? If I got pregnant I didn’t know how I would face my mom, so after a couple of more times of having sex after the first time, I told this guy – who my ‘freedom’ as a teenager greatly depended upon at this time because my parents trusted him – I told him that I just couldn’t have sex with him anymore for awhile because I was scared I’d get pregnant.  I remember he looked right into my eyes as he smiled and said ‘hey, no problem’.   I remember thinking how great it was to have such an understanding and caring boyfriend.

shattering reflections of me

A week later, I heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend – yes really!  That he was messing around, with a woman that was 10 years older than him!, (he was 21).  I remember that day like it was yesterday… I was sixteen with a drivers license but no car, and I needed to get to my boyfriends apartment and fix how I was feeling.  He lived about 5 blocks from me so I got on my 10 speed bike and cried the entire time as I rode it to his place.

It was early spring and I remember thinking in the midst of my crying and pedaling, how it was to beautiful of a day to feel like I was feeling, which was sad, lonely and angry.   He wasn’t home when I got there and it didn’t matter because it was my experience within those first moments – when something changes the nature of the relationship in a way where you know it’ll never be the same – it was in that moment that my definition of how love has to do with being ‘the owner of a broken heart’, came to be.  Within that single moment I became acquainted with what love and betrayal ‘feels’ like and I ‘thought’ my world had just crashed before me all because I was having a negative experience of myself.   It’s these such momemts that I let energy in and in doing so I allow harm to my physical body and thus my physical world/reality.

So I must look realistically at such a moment, in how dramatic I made the whole thing out to be.  Here one can see the extent of self interest because with ALL the atrocities that exist within our world, like poverty, war and starvation, we’re broken hearted over what we refer to as hurt feelings…

It is here that I see my dependency on the ‘energetic experience’, where I take myself from hot to cold with positive and negative experiences from love to the extreme opposite, as anger – all for the energy of it, for my mind as consciousness to use my physical body to fuel itself…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my anger through acts of love, peace and even gentleness, where I may behave happy, joyful, gladdened and/or appear physically calm, composed or tranquil even as I’m suppressing myself within and as the energy of love and anger to fuel who I am as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to within every moment breathe and face and forgive who I am as anger.

commit myself to show myself who I am free from energetic experiences and to provide adequate care for my physical body first and foremost.

I commit myself to Stop pretending to be an automation of myself as a character of anger and suppression – because I see, realize and understand that behaving and becoming a reactive pattern of love and anger is and have always been my way of avoiding facing and taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to facing all the moments wherein my life I referred to and/or defined myself as being the owner of a broken heart because I see, realize and understand that investigating, understanding and forgiving these points will bring about an awareness of self, a clarity – an end to anger.

Become Someone You’re Satisfied With

Begin Desteni I Process

A Great Read:  Day 564 The Decision to Self-Investigate

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Day 234: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – may we not be found wanting/desiring – Day 19

For Context Read: Day 233: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Surviving Normal & Desteni – Day 18

“May we not be found wanting/desiring.” Bernard Poolman

I read that quote by Bernard for the first time some 4 years ago or so and today it assisted me to remember to breathe…It’s been raining all day which is great because we need the rain. The problem is the constant sound of the slow rain began to activate a memory of myself sitting in front of the t.v., watching a romantic comedy on the t.v., and eating my favorite comfort food. Before I know it I processed that memory into thinking and imagining myself eating a big bowl of mac and cheese or a big slice of chocolate cake.

(Suggest to Read for Claritly: Being able to Stop Thoughts – proves that both ‘who I am’ and Thought itself is Illusion: DAY 377)

wanting

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to, and long for a relationship to food to provide an energetic experience for my mind defined as comfort.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse my physical body by ingesting certain foods that create a chemical feeling experience of happiness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon the positive energy experience from eating sugar and chocolate and coffee to stimulate and motivate me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn to food for a relationship as a replacement to having a relationship / self-intimacy with who I am as my physical body.

It’s crazy how strong the desire within me is to just give in and allow myself to eat anything and everything that I want. But I mean, then what? What I know is that I’ve done that a million times in my life so I already know that nothing is ever as great as the idea of it within our mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the memory of myself sitting at home on a rainy day watching feel good movies and eating as a way of comforting myself to avoid facing who I am within the fear and hollowness of longing.

So, how come I keep taking the bait so to speak? How come I keep giving in to the temptation to participate in the thoughts about eating dead food when I know full well that I will Not give in and eat that which will harm my physical body/ process of healing?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ingest foods according to my own personal interests/opinions and fears as a brainwashed consumer.

Following the Metabolic Diet and eating absolutely no cooked / processed foods is part of the alternative treatment plan that I have chosen to assist my body to dissolve the cancer safely and successfully, so following it to a T is imperative. In my case, it may mean the difference in life or death.

Recently I’ve been investigating who I am with regards to my experience with ‘longing’. The longing to be loved is usually what one might think of when looking at their experience with longing, but for me in this moment my lack of the ability to carry on my relationship to the foods I’ve used for comfort is in immediate need for attention.

It seems like I’ve always longed for something or someone. And the thing about it, even when I got what or who I was longing for, it was never as wonderful as I imagined it would be. Mostly my experience with longing has been one where it’s as if I’m supposed to hold onto something or someone and never let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my future without something to look forward to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reach for something to put into my mouth as a way to pacify and manipulate myself to the point where I settle into my own little world within my mind and the hell with everybody else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid taking self-responsibility for the horrors that occur daily within our world/money system because to acknowledge them would mean admitting that I to am responsible for accepting and allowing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define something and/or someone as that which I have a relationship with as being important, valuable and precious because I see, realize and understand that within that exist fear of loss, fear of losing my relationships and definitions which has been the very structure of my existence and that which I fear giving up.

When and as I see myself ignoring and/or distracting myself with a memory of my past behaviors on a rainy day I Stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a point that I’ve always avoided which is actually just a point of being ok here with myself, breathing.

When and as I see myself defining something and/or someone that I have a relationship with as  important, valuable and precious, I stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop giving myself excuses, reasons and justifications such as: I still want to do that, I still want to have that, I must still experience this, I must still have that, etc.

Alright, I will continue to investigate this point.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Consumerism and the Way of Influence is Based on the Right of the Consumer to Refuse the Product, yet with the Will Power of the Consumer Influenced, the Profiteer happily transfers Responsibility to the Consumers, always Not with all the Information, but with Enough to Influence the Will of the Consumer. This subtle Brainwash Makes all Humans thusly Influenced without Morals and Not Worthy of Trust – as the Consumers, as Product of Consumerism, will Never Act in the Interest of Life and will in fact see Life as a Threat to their Happiness and Happily Sell their SOULD for just a bit of Happiness.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that all Abuse on Earth is a Matter of Deliberate Will and that this Deliberateness Accumulates through small allowances to Eventually Look Like Circumstances, while the Outcome was Always Measurable from the beginning. Advertising that molds Will to Brand Loyalty for Instance, uses the Small Measures to Get the Eventual Controlled outcome for Profit and in Part of the Design of individual Will utilized to Shape the will of Man in Consumerism.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 126: Hunger Games Self-Committment statements

This blog is a continuation to: Day 125: Hunger Games – –

I commit myself to stop my fear of facing me within the abuse and neglect that I see that I have accepted and allowed and have assisted as in supporting how life on earth exists for the thousands upon thousands who suffer and/or starve to death daily at the hands of our current world/money system.

Artwork by: Agnieszka Dine

I commit myself to forgive and let go of/stop the anger within myself that I realize I have existed as where I have projected blame onto others and within that have contributed to the abuse existent within and as our world, thus, I commit myself to show how the nature of who we are as our thoughts and our thinking process which we participate within, is the glue that is holding the abuse in full force within our world and how through self-forgiveness we are able to support ourself to effectively change, thus I commit myself to realign myself through a self-corrective application to thus redesign and assist myself to become the living change required in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how the entertainment industry which we accept and allow within our world is a direct result of and in complete support of our world/money system of which the majority of us as humanity are enslaved to, thus, I commit myself to show how we are not what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to believe ourselves to be as the direction of consciousness simply because it’s coming up within us, and that we are capable to stop and direct and commit ourselves to take self-responsibility and establish an environment on earth based upon principles that support All life Equally.

I commit myself to show how there is enough resources available on/from earth to provide for the physical bodies of all living beings, thus no one need to ever go to bed hungry, homeless or abused in any way.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus support an Education system that will be designed to provide everyone with proper skills in reading, mathematics and communication in order to establish a healthy, equal relationship with each other as a humanity, nature and animals so as to provide each with the adequate necessities for a practical living environment.

I commit myself to remaining constant and gentle with myself as I continue my daily walk of The Journey to Life.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when the Actual FUNCTIONING of the MIND and the Physical Body is Understood, All the Lies of Enlightenment will End and will No Longer form the Foundation from which Cruelty is justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 125: Hunger Games

Please reference and/or watch the Movie Hunger Games for context – –

I forgive myself for not realizing how our world/money system keeps us enslaved to and as a humanity in crisis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where for entertainment purposes the rich continue to profit while we accept and allow movies that make a mockery out of the reality of our world – where there are literally thousands who die daily from starvation yet we ignore hunger as we accept and allow the perception/denial within and as our mind that life is a game – to the point where the movies make ‘lessons’ of life when life is Not a lesson, and how we accept and allow ideas for/as entertainment into and as our minds in order to numb us to the reality of what is real and deadly within our world/reality – even though the facts in/of and as life prove to us how suffering and despair is increasing within our capitalistic money system while the social violence of oppression and poverty remain intact and growing rapidly, while we sit and watch through the eyes of our own enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and blame others for the making of the movie Hunger Games, instead of realizing how I exist as, and accept and allow the same within me as those who were directly involved in and responsible for the making of the movie, thus, I am equally responsible for existing as the same system of acceptance of and as the systems of abuse within and as our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in silence that which I’m ashamed to admit in how I am responsible for and have defended and supported our current money system while trying to make sense of the struggle I exist as within just trying to survive it and, how I have denied that I’m a slave, because after all, I’m able to freely shop where I want to shop, however, I never realized how what I buy is subject to the approval of those who have more money than me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have never had control of/or free will over my life because the details of what I’m allowed to be and what I’m able to pick and choose from, have already been chosen for me, thus, I see, realize and understand that I am a slave to the very system in which I support, thus I am a slave to myself in every moment that I continue to support a system that does Not support All Life according to what’s Best For All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within ego, greed and pride to such a degree that I never realized how I have lived my life as if I’m racing to win a game and within that have been so stuck in my own mind of thoughts and in feeling sorry for myself that I never considered that something is very wrong with our current world/education/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while watching the movie: Hunger Games to ‘feel’ overwhelmed, where I saw how I had backchat thoughts within my mind of: “we might as well give up because we’ll never change because the reality of our world is very similar already to the movie” and, I forgive myself for not realizing how movies like ‘Hunger Games’ are made to support our current world/money system by capitalizing on our feelings and emotions using fear and intimidation, thus, I see, realize and understand that ‘We Are the System’, and therefore We / I can make the Decision to see movies like ‘Hunger Games’ as a definitive ‘wake up’ call – to see for ourself that in order for real change to occur within this world is going to require us coming together as a group to support each other – and how only with an Equal Money System are we prepared with the Solution to bring about Heaven on Earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the positive polarity of and as a feel-good energy in how I’ve defined myself according to the words: ‘May the odds ever be in your favor’, where within that I have believed that life is about the ‘luck of the draw’, when in fact, life as how we’ve lived it, is about who has the most money/power and is the only thing that determines life as we know it, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing world/money systems where we place odds on living and dying as we place those with money in power to play the odds in determining who of us lives and/or dies, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a world/money system that is ineffective in that it produces enslavement of/for the very people who support it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within me as my physical body when watching the movie ‘Hunger Games’, where I felt my heartbeat increase and a flush of heat throughout the middle area of my body and, I forgive myself for becoming angry at how hunger and the constant struggle to survive life was made ‘light of’ within the movie, just like it is made ‘light of’ within our physical reality within and as the acceptance and allowance of our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I put the thoughts of and as my mind above me as my physical body and this physical reality and how within that is where I see I fall, because only as the direction of and as consciousness as my mind do I think/participate in ways to have and be more than my neighbor thus, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how our mind directs us against each other only because we allow it.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I project my fears onto the children of this world in how I accept and allow myself to imagine the worst possible scenario because I realize that as it stands right now, our world is not fit for any child being born, thus, I fear seeing what’s going to become of the child who becomes the adult who has never known what it’s like to have a stable home life, food to eat and clean water and, I forgive myself for not realizing that within the education system that is provided for them, very few who will ever achieve a level of training and certification that will assist them to find an effective job, thus, I fear what’s to become of our future children, because they aren’t given the tools of how to effectively support themselves and their/our World Responsibly.

to be continued…

Day 123: God’s Will Is A LIE

After an evening with my partner, watching a movie, the following Self-forgiveness was inspired while hearing the numerous ‘praise & worship’songs scattered throughout the movie.

I forgive myself for not realizing how what I was looking for – when I submitted to the character of and as my mind as the ‘take me just as I am mindset’ – was that of hope in something greater than the perception I had of myself, thus, I pretended to not see the bloodshed of thousands upon thousands who suffer and die daily as I justified death as “The Will of God“, because the fact is blood is shed in our acceptance of our world/money system which glorifies profit over that which is real as our Physical Body and our Earth as this Physical “Reality, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the love of God made me ‘special’, ‘just as I am’, not realizing that when Man speaks, God speaks, because “The Will of God” is “The Will of Man”, as the creator of our reality, as the choices we accept and allow.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the lamb of God was like a guilt offering that I sought for to relieve me of my own guilt for abdicating myself from life within the beLIEf that “The Will of God” would redeem me from that which I feared the most which was me as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that “The Will of God” is actually the will of the mind as consciousness and another word for ownership and possession wherein our secret mind we allow ourselves to manipulate relationships to gain more money as possessions within feelings and emotions and experiences where we boost our ego and then refer to what we accomplish as “The Will of God.”

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I praised “The Will of God”, I was actually praising the illusions of and as my Mind and desensitizing myself to the reality of how life exists within an abusive world/money system and as long as I accepted “The Will of God” as real, then I could momentarily avoid facing myself and my responsibility, and for awhile I was able to avoid myself and ignore the suffering and pain of others, until one day I could not, thus I see, realize and understand that eventually we can no longer run from that which we are, and inevitably we will have to face who we’ve become as our mind as ego, self-interest and greed, thus to see little by little how everything we’ve ever believed in, has been a LIE, and we let go and we Stop and we breathe. We forgive ourself and we realize that we can no longer live the Lie, thus, I commit myself to stop fighting for Life and to instead Support Life in Supporting Equal Money.

I commit myself to have the courage to live self-honesty and to show that if I’m able to stop and face myself and support a world according to what’s best for All, then anyone can.

I commit myself to Stop “The Will of God“, which is Man as Greed, Self-interest and Ego, and to show how the only valid purpose for being here is to establish a world that is best for All Life in All ways.

I commit myself to show how the lies we’ve taught our children – including those with regards to “The Will of God” – throughout our history enforces reactions to fear and survival and how in an Equal Money System children will be taught common sense life skills according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how when profit is taken out of the equation and we produce goods and services within the starting point of what’s best for All life, including nature, animals and our physical reality of/as planet earth, we’ll see how with Equal Money – there will never be a reason for anybody to suffer at the hands of profit and/or self-interest and greed.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money will for the first time in the History of Man provide effective support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how the “Will of Self as Life” wherein All Life exists according to that which is Best for All is the Desteni of MANKIND.

“I commit myself to show that Jesus understood the Word as Life as Living flesh, but also understood that the Human was Not Ready to Realize until all is Lost, and the End of Life is Certain. We have Reached that Time – and Each will Face a Final choice which will be proven as the Living Flesh and Only those as the Living Flesh that Live what is Best for All Life as Neighbours, will enter Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 93: CONditions of Acceptance

The point of anger towards self according to my acceptance was a point I was able to direct and breathe through today. This is a point I’ve been investigating within myself for awhile with regards to how and what I give acceptance to. Thus sharing here Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place CONditions of my acceptance of how life exists here based on my personal survival/money system.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide myself within and as characters of/as my mind in acceptance of/as specific requireMENts of me in order to maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear of loss, accept self validation through others acceptance of me according to how I support their ideas and opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake the acceptance of me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how when I place acceptance inside me as my physical body from the starting point of comparison and greed, I create stress which erupts upon the flesh of me as my Physical Body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how accepting and placing conditions within and upon our Physical Bodies/Reality and limiting support to only those who can pay – creates separation as who we are as our Physical Bodies/Reality, thus we All Pay the price in that to Neglect & Abuse any part of our Physical Bodies/Reality is the same as neglecting and abusing All of us as our Physical Bodies/Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Not being accepted by others when speaking up for what I see and realize in equal understanding of how All life must be supported in order to Stop suffering and create Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child accept a decision within the context of acceptance and allowance as being the consequence of a decision I made based on how I reacted within a moment in my reality – where within that, I wasn’t actually making a decision according to who I actually am within myself – according to how I was going to walk my life in this world – instead I accepted the consequence of my reaction to become my actual relationship to my reality in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how what I have perceived as me making decisions as who I am within my life have only actually been acceptances and allowances according to our world/money system/friends/family, etc, thus, my decisions have been based on my relationship to my past/memories/personalities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a ‘holier than thou’ attitude in/as a character/personality to/towards our entire world/money system in believing it to be evil, instead of realizing how the entire world/money system is merely reflecting the evil that I exist as through and as my own acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for how I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships toward the world and people that has impacted my ability, my physical movement and direction in/as my future on this earth, according to my specific point of acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept our current world/money system from the perspective of my own experiences, according to how I exist – where I have money and the ability to feed, clothe and provide for myself and within that I failed to consider how almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day – and this I’ve been willing to Not only Accept, I’ve also Allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through Not questioning how and what I’m giving acceptance to – live as evil, denying what I’m allowing through shame of how and what is here manifested and created within our world as us, and thus the reason why we’ve not actually ever stood up and taken self-responsibility for ourselves as our physical bodies and our physical reality/world/existence.

When and as I see myself existing within a point of desire in wanting acceptance, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that to do so is actually existing in self-denial and I am no longer willing to accept that as who I am.

I commit myself to stop placing conditions on what I’m willing to accept and allow and instead realize that acceptance of self is real when self accepts life on Earth living according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop hiding in/as characters/personalities of as my mind as consciousness where I place requirements as comparison and judgment unto others and instead I see, realize and understand how agreements as life according to what’s best for All is the only way to maintain a sense of harmoney in/as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I do not require acceptance – only self-acceptance in self-honesty living equal to and one with all here.

I commit myself to discover who I am as my physical body in full acceptance of/as life here within our physical reality/world/existence according to what’s best for All.

I Commit myself to show how what we give acceptance to is how/what we manifest and create as our World as the outer/physical reality reflecting the inner/physical reality.

I commit myself to prove to me that I am honest with me in every moment as self expression of inner awareness, where I am able to directly point out that which exist within others which is not who they are within and without, as knowing others are as me and not accepting and allowing anything less than who they are as me as life, living according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: The 1% that Controls All Choice: DAY 89)

Day 71: Forgiving my Tendon-Sees

I’ve been experiencing pain in the tendons of my left ankle and leg and have realized the pattern as living in the past as that of participating in/as thoughts and feelings where through comparison I’ve sought approval and attention, thus, I’m grateful for the assistance from my physical body which assisted me in seeing and facing what I was accepting and allowing. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the tendonSees of my past actions of myself in how I seek approval from others to validate me as the stress and tension I am actually existing as within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as fear to suppress my self-expression from beginning as a small child for the sake of receiving from others attention and approval.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as comparison to seek attention and approval for the sake of entertaining me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into feeling the need to be approved as if I’m a piece of merchandise about to be stocked for sale within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a seeker of attention which is nothing more than that which my mind approves of and for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as self-manipulation participated in thoughts that are only slightly updated from the ones I participated in when I was 5 years old and seeking attention and approval also.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as my tendencies to not see/realize and understand how all I’ve ever done is compete with me for approval and attention from me as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to not see/realize and understand how I’ve circled around and around the same patterns which are consistent with the same thoughts of desiring to receive attention – where only the pictures have changed/updated, but the programming of me as my mind is the same as it’s always been – where it never matters who or where I receive attention from, because it’s never enough, because it is Me I’m looking for as the attention I desire from me as me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to remain in polarity by dividing myself into compartments within myself – whereas I compare myself to others, Not seeing/realizing and understanding my TendonSees in how I’m only competing with myself as my mind as consciousness to receive myself as charged in/as energy in/as my own attention and approval.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as tendencies/patterns to feel guilty for comparing myself to others within my attempt to seek approval and attention, not seeing/realizing and understanding that I’ve been walking a continuous mind construct of/as consciousness which I began when I was a child seeking approval and attention from my parents, how ultimately, there is Not enough approval and attention to fill what I am actually requiring to gift to myself, which is me in self-honesty, according to what’s best for all,.

I commit myself to purifying me as the word comparison and releasing me from competing within and as my mind as consciousness through self-corrective application in/as the directive principle of me as my mind according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as habitual tendencies/patterns to seek for attention and approval from others because I’ve not been willing to give to myself that which I seek to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as tendencies/patterns to Not see/realize and understand that when I become willing to give to myself that which I seek to receive is when I’ll be willing to give to All living beings freely that which All seek to receive, which is the ability of living a quality of life in loving self as life unconditionally, free from the restraints of and as our current world/money system.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of seeking approval and attention from outside myself, I stop.
I breathe in what I see/realize and understand in this moment – that I have fought this same point within my mind as consciousness long enough and I have proved to myself that I am only ever competing with myself within my mind as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and, that I have made the decision to Stop and Direct me according to what is real and what matters, which is supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all, where All living beings will be able to unconditionally receive the assistance required to support our physical body and our physical reality, thus, we’ll begin to explore ourselves and each other as real self-expressions as who we really are, together here as Life.

I commit myself to stop the Tendons- I-See of/as me as comparison and in/as seeking attention and approval and instead, I support me as the Tendons-of-me as my physical body in/as support within and as this physical reality, through Standing up and Supporting a way of Life where All living beings are provided for according to what’s best for All.