Tag Archive | who’s the boss

Day 133: Killing Blame

Walking the following the Self-forgiveness for how today, I saw myself want to blame another for something that changed how I experienced myself within my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how when I become a character/memory of and as my mind, that I not only blame others for how I experience myself but I also blame them for how things happen within my world and as such it becomes easy for me to justify my actions even if it means that I am creating hurtful consequences for another, because as long as I am benefitting from my behavior, whether it be emotional, comforting and/or of monetary benefit, I will allow that to override my sense of self-control in order to achieve what I want because it’s all about me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how as the character of blame, if I see that my behavior is no longer producing the desired results and my experience results in a negative experience, I will use that as a point of blame as well and create a protection of sorts, which is how me as my mind as consciousness protects my core beliefs and thus continues to blame others, instead of taking self-responsibility for my actions which may or may not have resulted in the consequences of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a character of blame I will find reasons why I should be excused for taking responsibility for my actions by participating in and as backchat which begin as: “so and so did this and that”, thus, I will magically put the fault elsewhere on someone else proving to myself within the perception of my ‘secret mind‘ that because of “so and so”, I couldn’t possibly be held accountable and/or responsible thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of blame, I experience pain in my upper back region which I see happens mostly after a negative energy experience where I manipulate others through polarity equations where I overemphasize the negative effects that others have had on me while overemphasizing myself which underemphasizes the negative effects that my actions have had on others and thus, I avoid taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become and for how and what I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

When and as I see myself wanting to/place blame onto another, I Stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to stop who I am as a character of blame and direct myself through self-corrective application to take complete responsibility for who I am, to show how I am able to move myself as my physical body in walking as self-support to realign and redesign who I am in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to divert attention away from me onto another person by blaming others for what happened not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within and as myself to take responsibility for what is here and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise or understand that as long as I am hiding behind the blame character I am tacitly accepting and allowing that which is here to continue to exist and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to what is here by allowing myself to hide behind the blame character.” ~ Esteni De Wet

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.

Day 92: Curse of Self-Compromise

Today I’ve been investigating a point of self-compromise because I saw when talking with another, how I was holding myself back so to speak, and my physical body confirmed it as I immediately began to have spasms and pain in my upper left muscle of my back. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how self-compromise is like a curse because in/as self-compromise are accepted and allowed character acts which are deliberate and deceptive in nature within/as and against self and others as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself according to who and how I become in/as relationships where I lean upon them as if I’m being sucked in by an invisible adDicktive force, becking me to submit all that I am as me as my physical body to be subjected to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be the victim of my own PUSSuits – where in my past I’ve allowed myself to experience sexual encounters which I soon regret and blame myself for – for not appreciating myself or another and/or for my perception as that of not ‘being enough’ to have stopped the encounter in the first place and stand free from me as my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience regret for not accessing more emotions that would have given me a feeling of self worth within my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my relationships are reflections of/as me in which I show refusal of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a fear of letting people down -instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’m actually afraid of losing someone and within that I’ve been willing to compromise myself where I end up existing within a perception of having lost myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I hate the memory/characters/personalities of the men I have designed within me based on past experiences and judgments that I have held onto within and as me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through feeling betrayed by something and/or someone – which is blame, which means that I have placed my faith, trust and responsibility for myself and my life into the hands of another – where through relationships, I have given my physical life over to another separate from me and playing the blame game when my life didn’t turn out the way I had ‘hoped’ for -instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that nothing of or in this world has the ability to betray or deceive me except me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as self-compromise to fear the change of myself in being able to trust myself and walk as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within particular moral enslavements as that of/as faith and hope, whereas them I have failed me as my physical body because when I put my faith and/or hope in something/someone outside of myself, I am actually accepting and allowing my own continued enslavement and thus abdicate myself as life in saying that I’m not able to stand up and direct myself, therefore, I submit myself to and as my mind as consciousness to drag me through the gutter of me as my secret mind – instead of standing face to face with me as who I am as my mind – physical body in self-honesty and self-forgiveness and Direct Me according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how through memories/character and personalities I have formed relationships which I allow to compromise me as my mind-physical body which are addictive in nature – where the addiction is actually the point of me not wanting to let go of the relationship because to let the relationship go requires me to forgive and release who I am as it, thus why I have remained within a point of self-compromise instead of taking responsibility for who I am as my mind of/as memories/character and personalities where I have remained in self-compromise in/as betrayal, blame and anger.

When and as I see myself existing in/as a point of self-compromise of deliberate and deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself within the understanding that I am the directive principle of me according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop when I see myself existing within a point of self-compromise where I am withdrawing into myself in silence instead of directing myself in/as the moment where assistance and direction is required.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within a fear of letting people down as I see, realize and understand how it is Not possible for anyone to let me down nor me to let anyone down, it is only possible to Not stand in/as self-responsibility thus, I commit myself to Stand and take self-responsibility for how our world exists and to thus support a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing within self-compromise in and as polarities of love/hate and memory/characters/personalities of/as past experiences and judgments

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within my relationships wherein I lean upon them to the point of addiction thus creating pain within and as my physical body through my lack of awareness of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to show how compromising self in fear of self change is a complete lack of awareness of self as breath within the understanding that life is here to be shared and cared for in/as self-honesty through self-forgiveness and in supporting a world according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to a relationship of equality and oneness with me as my physical body and this physical reality in order to assist and support in bringing forth a world where suffering, pain and war are no longer accepted as who we are and instead All life is supported within the principle of equality and oneness.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83)

Day 86: Opportunity of Innocence

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blog: Day 85: WithHolding – –

When and as I see myself existing in/as a character of holding a grudge of blame to/towards another, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually projecting unto them separation of how and what I am experiencing inward to/towards myself.

When and as I see myself deliberately inferiorizing myself – where I make myself less than, in order to please another so I’ll receive an experience of myself as being appreciated, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand how such behaviour enforces hope in establishing an illusionary position of power within my mind of/as me as resonant patterns of/as characters/personalities/thoughts/feelings and/or emotions of/as my parents and as such are MANipulative and deceptive and serve no purpose except to continue to enslave me, as my physical body in/as my mind, to consciousness.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how Everything that I participate in, as memories/charActers/personalities/thoughts/feelings/emotions/words/energy and experiences – have life changing effects upon life here for everything and everyone as who we are within and as our physical body within our physical reality – thus it is imperative that I / We Decide – I Decide who I am Willing to be and become, therefore I make the Decision as me as my Physical body to Stand in Agreement to move myself to support a system that will support our World and Everything/Everyone here, according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to walk in/as me as my physical body into and as a physical comprehension of who I am as my physical body – to Stop separating me from me as my physical body, and to show how innocence has never actually existed as who we are as consciousness – how for us to have an Opportunity of Innocence as a Living Expression of who we are, we as Human beings – must walkas the Living example of Self-forgiveness in/as the Nature of Equality – to Give unconditionally unto others, thus, receive unconditionally as an expression of/as self in/as a living expression of Innocence as Principle of/as Life.

I commit myself to let go of the charActer of holding a grudge – where I suppress myself in how I become righteous anger, blame, self-judgment and self-victimization – instead, I support myself to HOLD myself Standing and Walking as me as my Physical body as a Living example of Self-Accountability and Self-Responsibility – wherein I realize and understand that my mind as ME as the MEmories/charActers and personalities of those who’ve gone before me, is who and what I have given permission for, yet, I am Capable of Forgiving/Correcting and Directing myself to be and become change, beginning from the inside of me as my physical body-out, and to as such provide any and all support required to manifest and Create a World according to what’s Best for All – thus, it is, I Who Decides to Stop myself from the trap of the moving motion picture show of me as my mind as Consciousness MEmories/charActers and personalities/thoughts – to Stand up for and as All Living beings, in seeing/realizing/understanding how through what we accept and allow to exist within and as our mind as consciousness systems – we kill that which is Real as who we are as our physical body in/as our internal organs, cells, tissue and muscular/skeleton – where as our mind-physical we through/as memories/charActers and personalities/thoughts/feelings and emotions entangle and strangle our physical body from the inside out and therefore manifest and create our physical world/reality as that which exists in/as us within all the pain and suppression – where we then watch the madness play out daily within our world as we avoid seeing what it is, as who we are, that we are manifesting and creating our World as – how we are in this Moment of Breath the One Who Decides to Stop and Support ourselves and/as others, through supporting an Equal Money System – thus All life receives proper life support which will allow us to come together and assist each other in facing and releasing ourselves through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction and self-direction – to release, realign and redesign that which is preventing us from experiencing Life for Real as Heaven on Earth.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to, in equality and oneness with and as life, energy and substance, the mind and the physical, from the beginning to now – seen, realised and understood the extent to which ‘who I am’ is in fact existent from and of Memory. With my Mind an automated, manifested Memory-database that I use to create/manifest me into and as characters from Memories. And so all my characters of me in my Mind: is in fact Memory – me in my relationship to the physical-body and so this physical-existence, being/becoming a ‘Living/Functioning’ Memory.” ~ Sunette Spies, Heaven’s Journey to Life Blog – – Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83