Tag Archive | sinner

Day 194: Ask and Ye Shall Receive Meant Give to Take

ask and ye shall receive
When I used to refer to myself as a ‘Christian’, my idea of ‘ask and ye shall receive’ was actually one of ‘give to take’. So basically, I’ve never given of myself in any way that I wasn’t first taking from, because I’ve always been looking to replace a negative energy experience of myself within my mind with a positive one, and this, I’ve played out within every aspect of my life. And in doing so, I’ve wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I also see that I’ve always reaped what I have sown. Meaning, there have always been a consequence for my actions because my actions have always been on the take – even when I convinced myself within my mind that I was existing within a giving nature, I wasn’t, I was only ever taking because I never gave anything without expecting something in return.

When I gave, whether it was from an emotional need or a feeling I called ‘Love’, it has always been similar to making a cash deposit and expecting to receive interest in return for it. Self has been my only interest and it’s an interest of conditions.

I’ve no real idea what it is to actually give unconditionally much less live unconditionally. My entire life has been preprogrammed energetic conditioning. I’ve loved with conditions. I’ve given with conditions. I’ve learned with conditions. I’ve cried with conditions and I’ve hated with conditions. Therefore, I’ve never known who I am as an expression of ‘giving as one would like to receive’ because I’ve never known what it is to be free from some sort of conditioning, thus, I’ve never known what it is to actually be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be a ‘Christian’, where I beLIEved and lived the meaning of ‘Ask and ye shall receive’ as one of ‘give to take’ – where I always tried to replace a negative energy experience of myself with a positive one because within my mind I’ve constantly feared facing what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, thus instead of facing myself,  I’ chose to preoccupy, distract and/or entertain myself as my mind and in doing so have wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I re-commit myself to investigate and educate myself as to how, why and who I am as my Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus, forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed and begin to walk and support who I am as my Physical Body to be able to support our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

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Day 178: Forego

For context read:
Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions
Day 177: Jumping to Conclusions – Part 2

Continuing here with Self-forgiveness for how I Jump to Conclusions and who and what I become as a result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions where I basically side step any point of self-responsibility because I’m to busy jumping from the frying pan into the fire so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions on behalf of myself as my mind as consciousness where an automated version of myself takes over and in doing so I forEGO the practicality of investigating for myself what is here what is best for all as opposed to what is only best for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO investigating who I am breathing in self-honesty because I have instead opted for-ego in a rat race which is to actually give up and do without – instead of living the solution of Equal Money where every living being will come together as one and through self-forgiveness release the resistance existent of and as the self-interested human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as ego to resist asking for assistance because I’ve not wanted to be seen as a burden to people and within that, not realizing how me as my mind as consciousness have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated and directed by who I am as ego, where I have forEGOne and/or determined in advance/jumped to a conclusion and accepted myself as a burden to myself and thus have followed the crowd and became who I believed I was supposed to be just to ‘fit in’ and never standing up even when I’ve known that something is seriously wrong within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO/give up/ abdicate myself from life itself because I feared hurting someone’s feelings and/or I feared that so and so might not like me, when the fact is, when I’m breathing and directing myself in self-honesty, everything I ‘thought’ I feared no longer exists and for a moment I don’t have to fight for my so-called-freedom because within me free is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never understood the basic truth of/as life because in forEGOing the basic right of life as Equality for all living beings, I’ve put myself before everyone and everything where to live as ego is to die having never lived as life according to what is possible as Heaven on Earth as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time of day yet I’ve given in to time is money and I forgive myself for how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live my life missing the most important part of myself as that which exists within and as everything and everyone that is here.

to be continued…

Day 177: Jumping to Conclusions – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to: Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jump to conclusions about others it’s because I secretly fear being seen as a failure through the eyes of another as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jumped to conclusion, what was really going on within me was that I was scared as hell to face what I saw as my own failure – failure and guilt for having gone through a divorce and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was a failure in the eyes of God, and for believing that I failed in the union of something sacred, the union of marriage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have defined myself according to the word sacred and how I never realized hidden in the spelling and meaning is the word scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to the conclusion that my step dad hated me and for the fear of being seen as a failure through the eyes of my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear being seen as a failure,  I have a tendency to jump to conclusions and within that I forgive myself for rushing and seeking and desiring and always looking outside of myself for some form of energetic experience because I believed it would make me feel alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jump to conclusions I am actually accepting myself as having already failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I reach for a conclusion it’s because who I am as my mind has reached outside of myself to transform a negative experience into a positive  experience because I have accepted the belief that it is what I need to set me free – when in fact, it is only I that can set me free through and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear failure through the eyes of another it’s because within my mind I’m constantly competing all the while not realizing that I’m actually only ever in competition with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I come to a point of conclusion that I am in that moment settling for a reasoning that begins within the starting point of self-interest and greed – instead of directing myself according to what’s best for All.

to be continued

Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions

A few years ago a couple that I know separated and eventually filed for divorce. Most who knew them, were sure they had a chance of making it last.  Many, including myself described how they ‘felt’ about the split as being ‘heartbroken’.

The specifics of their divorce was kept very quiet, however, I do remember what my thoughts were even though at the time, I didn’t realize the full extent of how I was jumping to conclusions. In my secret mind I had come to the conclusion that it was mostly ‘her’ fault. As a matter of fact, I secretly blamed her for their marriage failing.

So, here we are years later and I’ve just had the opportunity to talk to ‘her’ and was finally able to communicate with her how I had reacted/made assumptions and/or jumped to a conclusion about ‘what had happened’ between them. That’s when she told me. She told me how she had walked in on her husband and her bestfriend, how she found them in the midst of a compromising sexual encounter. Though she tried, she couldn’t get that picture out of her head and thus they ended their marriage.

Wow, the new information did not match up to the stories that I had accepted, allowed, pre-occupied myself with and participated in within and as my mind!

The point of me sharing this story – is not to blame one against the other or to judge, because ultimately this was between the two of them and they have to realize their own point of self-responsibility within it.  I’m sharing this as proof to myself how the mind manipulates, assumes, justifies and jumps to the conclusions in/of and as self-interest.

The sum of all the thoughts that I participated in regarding the couple is a perfect example of how important it is to always bring everything back to self.  Because while we’re busy participating in thoughts and emotions, and gossip, and projecting ill feelings toward another, we’re not realizing that in that moment, we’re actually only experiencing ourself in relation to who we are as our mind as our past and our memories.

Years ago, when I went through a divorce – the negative experience I had of myself – where I existed in/as guilt and anger towards my mom for how she blamed me for my marriage ending and leaving her ‘heartbroken’.  I can realize now that I allowed the break-up of this couple to trigger a memory within me, thus I was reliving my past where every thought in my mind that I participated in with regards to the couple and their divorce was never about them.  It was about me, how I’ve been stuck in my own past preoccupations that I’ve never yet faced and forgiven myself for.   Seeing and realizing this for myself brought forth a silense within me, and I understand with a little more clarity how important it is to direct myself as my mind in self-honesty.  Self-forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements to follow in my next blog.

Day 154: The Hand of God is made of Money



“Sometimes the very things that we fight against are actually the hand of God trying to push us into a new season.” Joel Osteen

With regards to the above quote by Joel Osteen.  Have a look at how he avoids the facts when he refers to ‘the very things we fight against’ within our world, yet, see how he manipulates a rise in our feelings through using the words ‘fight against’, then as always, using the hand he’s been given that he claims is from God – which is made of/from money – he stops short, and offers no solution for all  that is tangible for assisting our world.

Maybe, Mr. Osteen actually believes what he’s selling, yet, what he’s selling offers no support for the tremendous amount of suffering, poverty, war and starvation which is happening within every corner of our world. In fact, he’s known for saying how he likes to focus on the positive within our world, and thus, chooses not to mention the poor and suffering.  Maybe he’s taking advantage of our willingness to accept him as having some sort of special powers because after all, his net worth is an estimated $40 million.

So, when he writes a quote that implies there is a God somewhere fighting our battles for us – maybe he wants to be sure that we’ll continue to support the plight of the rich and famous, or, maybe he really does believe that he’s special and that there really is a God somewhere willing to bless his need for greed while millions suffer in poverty and starve to death.

However,the fact remains, WE support him.  He earns his Money from US.   NOT a God.

The only season upon us in the one where the rich are seizing the opportunity to sell hope to the slaves (us), and thus far, we’ve been willing to buy it.  I choose to stop…

Please don’t misunderstand. I am not placing blame on Mr. Osteen.  The Fact is, We’re All responsible for how our current world/money system exists.

It’s time to realize that the battle going on here on earth,  is between the haves and the have-nots.

Throughout our entire history, nothing has ever changed. It’s the same story over and over, where only the picture and the players change, and, it’s Always, Always, about making and having the most MONEY/Power.

No God will ever come save us, because what is real is what is here which is US.

Thus, we’re going to have to save ourselves. No one can do that for us.

Investigate how: Equal Money

“I Forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how what I accept and allow here in the small, in my own life – I will accept and allow in my relationship to humanity/this world. Where, whenever I face a point of responsibility, like for example each of us human beings, individually standing within self-responsibility to ourselves and to all, we instead each individually abdicate that practical reality responsibility of sorting out THIS REAL WORLD, creating a NEGATIVE towards it within ourselves in all of our opinions, judgments, fears, insecurities, knowledge and information and INSTEAD create a POSITIVE in our Minds through/within Religions/Spiritualities/Movements/Entertainment etc. – following only the GOOD FEELINGS in our own self-interest, when: How would this World change if we stop, individually, looking at everything as a Negative in our Minds, but PRACTICALLY approach the problems/consequences in this world and come up with PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS that would be best for all, in equality and oneness, Here. But, interestingly enough, we are so caught up in the spinning webs of our Minds in ENERGY that human beings, individually, would fight/defend/protect their POSITIVE FEELINGS and regard this more than All Life on Earth. That they cannot see beyond the POSITIVE ENERGY, how Life on Earth would change for ALL within, for example the proposed Equal Money System. But, it’s fascinating here, that: individuals cannot have the ‘Positive Feelings/Energies’ in the Mind, if the Negative/Bad in their lives/this world do not exist as it does, cause for the Positive to Exist, the Negative must exist. And so, we as human beings will keep this world/humanity the way it is, just to have/maintain/possess the Positive-Energy Experiences we have defined ourselves as in the MIND…” Sunette Spies – Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 116: The War Within in the Name of God

Realizing the nature of my war within. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself for all the times that I accepted and allowed myself to make choices and decisions about going to war against other countries, land and people based upon my belief of and in the name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the destructive nature of and as the secrets of my mind to be that which has consumed and directed me to such a point that I wonder if I even have the right to refer to myself as a living being whose only ever existed within and as war while never questioning the real nature of War in the Name of God.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living expression of war within myself in the Name of God, wherein self hate and fear I surrounded myself within and as lies I told myself about a God who only ever existed within and as my mind as consciousness – where I pretended my belief in a God made me feel better, when it actually didn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself a human while I followed and acted like others using words like hope and faith in the Name of God and never actually expressed who I am in self-honesty within and as a living physical expression of tenderness and compassion as that of being humane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sympathy for others within the starting point of casting impressions from/as characters/memories/personalities of and as my mind within the starting point of fear of survival in fearing the despair of another may fall upon me as I ran from the War Within in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed within and as my mind in filling my own wants, needs and desires that I didn’t want to stop and see how in the name of God is how war within begins and manifest into and as our world.

I forgive myself for not realizing what those in war have to actually live and become as a living expression of evil in order to physically kill others just to fulfill the demands of those of us who say we require defense in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my support of wars to kill other human beings in the name of God, all the while not realizing how/what the acceptance of such an allowance is creating and manifesting within me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing that money is the light of God on Earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to warship in the name of God those who manipulate from the starting point of their own war within in order to profit in/as power of money above life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the Name of God beLIEve that I’m not responsible for the wars within this world, that I’m innocent, when in-fact I am responsible for accepting and allowing it to continue while I quietly ignore it as I go about my daily life in/of and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that our problem is the very nature of ourselves as our mind as consciousness – which is the God we’re actually beLieving in as being real – as we accept and allow ourselves to be directed as it, and enslaved to it through our world/money system – instead of seeing realizing and understanding, that it is I who decides who I am. It is I who decides to direct me according to what’s best for All – to hell with the War within in the Name of God – because through writing and self-forgiveness, I am able to see who and what I can become and walk as, in self-honesty, thus, I commit myself to creating and manifesting a world where life on Earth is a living expression of equality and oneness as Heaven on Earth according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we as a humanity have Never taken self-responsibility for ourselves and for how our World exists.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have forsaken that which is real as our Physical Body and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we lie, cheat, steal and kill our neighbors just so we can be and have more.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we live out our Fears of Survival, and then we Die.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have never known who we can be in and as Self-Honesty and Self-Trust.

I commit myself to show how we Can Forgive our selves through Self-forgiveness

I commit myself to show that humanity requires real compassion and tenderness through first providing support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality through an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to show how in One moment, Everything can and Will change with Equal Money because Every Single Living Being will be Provided for – No One will ever again be left behind.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money provides life support for every newborn child where No child will ever again starve to death.

I commit myself to show how we have never required a God to manifest and create that which we are capable of with Equal Money.

I commit myself to show how with Equal Money – All WAR AND FEAR OF SURVIVAL WILL END – Imagine That…

I commit myself to life in supporting a System of Equality where Life becomes a Living Expression of Love as Giving to All that which you would like to Receive.

Day 109: For the Love of God

I reacted today to a comment I read on face book about putting one’s ‘faith in God’ – thus the following Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and others as myself all the while existing within and as a memory/character of and as my mind within the beLIEf of ‘the Love of God‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children to believe the same lie, where I taught them to have faith in someone, (God), outside of themself instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their world because I perceived ‘the Love of God‘ was easier than facing the lies of/as self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the beLIEf of the ‘love of God’ never question how it is that we’ve come to accept and allow a world/money system that only shine’s it light upon those who are rich, without seeing, realizing and understanding the polarity equation that when there are rich, there has to be those who are poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek shelter from myself as my physical body within and as memories/characters and lies within and as my mind in believing in ‘Love’ and/or the lies of there being a ‘higher power‘ and/or ‘For the Love of God’.

I forgive myself that I have lied, reacted to others, and run away from myself for my whole lIEfe, hiding in and as anger, sadness, sorrow, guilt, remorse and self hatred, where I have feared even communicating because of how I experienced inner emotional conflicts and suppressions and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the BELIEF in the Love of a God to be responsible for and take care of my life because I feared facing me in self intimacy – so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by life and thus betrayed by ‘The Love of God – and, I see, realize and understand how betrayal is that of blame, wherein, ‘For the Love of God‘, I conditionally placed faith, trust and responsibility of myself and my life within the ‘hands’ of another (God) – where I literally submitted myself and my life over to another (God) – where in separation from me as who I am as my physical body within and as our physical reality – I allowed myself to LIE to myself, and thus abdicated myself over to the care of/as a perception in/as my mind in giving permission for ‘the Love of God’, to ‘handle’ my life – instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and my life experiences – thus, when my life hasn’t gone as I’ve ‘hoped’, I’ve felt betrayed because of how I conditionally placed faith and trust and responsibility for me and my life over to and for ‘the Love of God, and, within that, I have accepted and allowed myself to react and exist in/as anger – I stop. I Breathe.

I see, realize and understand how me as anger is only a symptom of my own betrayal because I didn’t take responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I was actually experiencing within myself in how I was blaming my situation and my experience of myself on my parents, my world and society as a whole – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception because I perceived in/as memories/characters of/as my mind that it’s easier to blame someone else separate from me for my life experiences than to take self-responsibility for what it is that I have actually been experiencing within and as me.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to betray and/or deceive me except me.

I commit myself to show how self actually knows that self uses the belief in a God to Not face self and take self-responsibility for what self has accepted and allowed according to what and how our world/money system exists in keeping us enslaved to/as our own fears.

I commit myself to show how through writing, self-forgiveness and in self-honesty, one is able to Stop the fear and thus, Stop the Lie as the belief in a God and/or the Love of God.

I commit myself to show how through self-corrective application one is able to Stop fear and walk in self trust in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and thus show how our world is a reflected manifestation of that which exists within and as each and every single one of us, and how we are individually responsible for how our world/money system exists, thus, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are each able to live, express and apply ourselves in taking self-responsibility for our world in creating Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

(Please read: Day 106: Living the Lie for further perspective.)

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that another Lie is to Deliberately Disregard Physical Evidence as to the History of the Earth and to Promote the Lie of Religion based on the Premise that because the Origin of Life is Not Grasped, it must Come from Some Higher Power, and in One Foul Swoop, the Existence and Allowance and Acceptance of all the Lies as the Weakness of Human Character as that which tends to Lie and Deceive, is Justified and taught to every Child as if it is the Gospel truth – and anyone trying to Question the Lie, is Made out as a Liar, by Spreading Lies and Gossip, because it is Understood that because the Human lies all the Time, the Human will accept Lies as truth and truth as Lies – so, the Big Lie is Safe.” ~ Bernard Poolman