Tag Archive | resentment

Day 291: What’s worth giving for?

When I was growing up as a kid I wasn’t able to see my biological father every day and so as a kid, I barely knew him. Mostly I knew him as this person who I ‘thought’ about alot in my head. I wanted to have the kind of father-daughter relationship that I heard my friends speak of and when that didn’t happen, I made up scenario’s in my head about what that might look and feel like. Growing up I spent one week out of every year with him and for the longest time I felt robbed of something and eventually, I blamed him and became very angry and resentful at him for not living up to how and what I ‘thought’ a dad should behave and act like.

So for most of my life the relationship that I had with my biological father was one that I had made up within and as my mind. Eventually, after one failed marriage and the impending collapse of my second one, I took a trip to see my father and for the first time I was able to share with him how I had thought and felt about him throughout my life.
worth giving for
An interesting thing that came to be in that moment – of what must have seemed to him like brutal self honesty being thrown at him from every direction – was that I for the first time realized that the entire ‘idea’ about him that I had participated within and as in my head, couldn’t have been more wrong. I remember watching his every move while I was sharing with him and was taken back by the man standing before me who never took his eyes off of me while I spoke. It was like he was intent to hear every word I said and I can only describe him as displaying an elegance as he quietly within himself seem to take responsibility for how I had felt and experienced myself with regards to him.

And it was an interesting moment because within a small moment of awareness between us, I was able to forgive him and in the process forgive myself. It would be years later before I would come to see, realize and understand that it was never about forgiving him, it was always about forgiving myself. And I mean, he offered no apologies, and as it turned out I didn’t need an apology. What I needed from him was what he gave me when he took responsibility for being who he was, and it forever stopped and changed the nature of our relationship.

Alright so that was many years ago and since then him and I have kept in touch, however, since we live hours from each other it’s been difficult to see him as much as I would have liked to. So when I was diagnosed with cancer a year and a half ago, him and I began to speak on the phone often, and over the course of the last year we’ve gotten to know each other free from judgments, blame, shame and /or guilt. Which is cool because when you remove feelings and emotions from the equation what you get is a stable meaningful and assisting relationship. That’s how our relationship has been developing and we would talk about lots of things like money for instance, and about how hard it is to survive in this world.

He knew the challenges of making ends meet in a money system that is obviously broken. Nevertheless, he worked hard and made a good living working in a machine shop that built airplane parts for a major corporation for many years. Unfortunately there were very few regulations back then with regards to protecting the skilled laborer and so he was exposed to breathing extremely fine metal shavings which over time accumulated and the result was irreversible lung damage.

So 10 years ago he was diagnosed with severe lung damage and already outlived the amount of time the doctors first predicted he’d have left to live. During that 10 year time span, the Doctors prepared him for how the end of his life would most likely happen – congestive heart failure and possible kidney and/ or organ failure do to the meds to reduce the fluid build-up that comes with having poor lung function / congestive heart failure.

So unfortunately he’s been in and out of the hospital over the past few months and his quality of life has been deteriorating daily, but even so, what I was aware of the last time that him and I spoke was how he spoke with a quiet resolve.

The last time him and I spoke was about a month ago, and this morning my dad passed away.

I will miss him. I will miss our chats. And, I am grateful that him and I came together as we both faced illness and our fear of death and dying. When we would speak, the tone of his voice held no feel of judgment. Maybe that’s what allowed him the gentleness that came through in his nature during his last months here which really assisted me to see, realize and understand what’s worth giving for, which is Life. That whatever it takes, LIFE must Not be experienced as a suffering by anyone, and to ensure that doesn’t happen ever again, we Give to All,  that which we would want given to ourself.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place all my trust in Love instead of the common sense of living in ways that is practically best for all life and thus best to be the foundation of all relationships in all ways.

I commit myself to reform the foundation of love to be the result of effective common sense living in a practical measurable way where all cards are always on the table and no thoughts exist that are hidden that could lead to justification and judgments that will end up in break-ups purely because the self interest of feeling was measured to be worth more that the integrity and respect of self honest living.

I commit myself to hold only life as worthy and holy and to reform all relationships on earth to that which respect and protect life in all ways necessary.

I commit myself to reform the understanding of the place and use of the mind and thinking to its rightful place as a tool with which to design living patterns of flesh as self that is best for all life and not allow myself the compromise to regard the mind as more than life and as a tool that has rights that overshadow life.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 133: Killing Blame

Walking the following the Self-forgiveness for how today, I saw myself want to blame another for something that changed how I experienced myself within my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how when I become a character/memory of and as my mind, that I not only blame others for how I experience myself but I also blame them for how things happen within my world and as such it becomes easy for me to justify my actions even if it means that I am creating hurtful consequences for another, because as long as I am benefitting from my behavior, whether it be emotional, comforting and/or of monetary benefit, I will allow that to override my sense of self-control in order to achieve what I want because it’s all about me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how as the character of blame, if I see that my behavior is no longer producing the desired results and my experience results in a negative experience, I will use that as a point of blame as well and create a protection of sorts, which is how me as my mind as consciousness protects my core beliefs and thus continues to blame others, instead of taking self-responsibility for my actions which may or may not have resulted in the consequences of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a character of blame I will find reasons why I should be excused for taking responsibility for my actions by participating in and as backchat which begin as: “so and so did this and that”, thus, I will magically put the fault elsewhere on someone else proving to myself within the perception of my ‘secret mind‘ that because of “so and so”, I couldn’t possibly be held accountable and/or responsible thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of blame, I experience pain in my upper back region which I see happens mostly after a negative energy experience where I manipulate others through polarity equations where I overemphasize the negative effects that others have had on me while overemphasizing myself which underemphasizes the negative effects that my actions have had on others and thus, I avoid taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become and for how and what I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

When and as I see myself wanting to/place blame onto another, I Stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to stop who I am as a character of blame and direct myself through self-corrective application to take complete responsibility for who I am, to show how I am able to move myself as my physical body in walking as self-support to realign and redesign who I am in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to divert attention away from me onto another person by blaming others for what happened not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within and as myself to take responsibility for what is here and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise or understand that as long as I am hiding behind the blame character I am tacitly accepting and allowing that which is here to continue to exist and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to what is here by allowing myself to hide behind the blame character.” ~ Esteni De Wet

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 93: CONditions of Acceptance

The point of anger towards self according to my acceptance was a point I was able to direct and breathe through today. This is a point I’ve been investigating within myself for awhile with regards to how and what I give acceptance to. Thus sharing here Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place CONditions of my acceptance of how life exists here based on my personal survival/money system.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide myself within and as characters of/as my mind in acceptance of/as specific requireMENts of me in order to maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear of loss, accept self validation through others acceptance of me according to how I support their ideas and opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake the acceptance of me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how when I place acceptance inside me as my physical body from the starting point of comparison and greed, I create stress which erupts upon the flesh of me as my Physical Body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how accepting and placing conditions within and upon our Physical Bodies/Reality and limiting support to only those who can pay – creates separation as who we are as our Physical Bodies/Reality, thus we All Pay the price in that to Neglect & Abuse any part of our Physical Bodies/Reality is the same as neglecting and abusing All of us as our Physical Bodies/Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Not being accepted by others when speaking up for what I see and realize in equal understanding of how All life must be supported in order to Stop suffering and create Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child accept a decision within the context of acceptance and allowance as being the consequence of a decision I made based on how I reacted within a moment in my reality – where within that, I wasn’t actually making a decision according to who I actually am within myself – according to how I was going to walk my life in this world – instead I accepted the consequence of my reaction to become my actual relationship to my reality in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how what I have perceived as me making decisions as who I am within my life have only actually been acceptances and allowances according to our world/money system/friends/family, etc, thus, my decisions have been based on my relationship to my past/memories/personalities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a ‘holier than thou’ attitude in/as a character/personality to/towards our entire world/money system in believing it to be evil, instead of realizing how the entire world/money system is merely reflecting the evil that I exist as through and as my own acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for how I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships toward the world and people that has impacted my ability, my physical movement and direction in/as my future on this earth, according to my specific point of acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept our current world/money system from the perspective of my own experiences, according to how I exist – where I have money and the ability to feed, clothe and provide for myself and within that I failed to consider how almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day – and this I’ve been willing to Not only Accept, I’ve also Allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through Not questioning how and what I’m giving acceptance to – live as evil, denying what I’m allowing through shame of how and what is here manifested and created within our world as us, and thus the reason why we’ve not actually ever stood up and taken self-responsibility for ourselves as our physical bodies and our physical reality/world/existence.

When and as I see myself existing within a point of desire in wanting acceptance, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that to do so is actually existing in self-denial and I am no longer willing to accept that as who I am.

I commit myself to stop placing conditions on what I’m willing to accept and allow and instead realize that acceptance of self is real when self accepts life on Earth living according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop hiding in/as characters/personalities of as my mind as consciousness where I place requirements as comparison and judgment unto others and instead I see, realize and understand how agreements as life according to what’s best for All is the only way to maintain a sense of harmoney in/as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I do not require acceptance – only self-acceptance in self-honesty living equal to and one with all here.

I commit myself to discover who I am as my physical body in full acceptance of/as life here within our physical reality/world/existence according to what’s best for All.

I Commit myself to show how what we give acceptance to is how/what we manifest and create as our World as the outer/physical reality reflecting the inner/physical reality.

I commit myself to prove to me that I am honest with me in every moment as self expression of inner awareness, where I am able to directly point out that which exist within others which is not who they are within and without, as knowing others are as me and not accepting and allowing anything less than who they are as me as life, living according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: The 1% that Controls All Choice: DAY 89)

Day 86: Opportunity of Innocence

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blog: Day 85: WithHolding – –

When and as I see myself existing in/as a character of holding a grudge of blame to/towards another, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually projecting unto them separation of how and what I am experiencing inward to/towards myself.

When and as I see myself deliberately inferiorizing myself – where I make myself less than, in order to please another so I’ll receive an experience of myself as being appreciated, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand how such behaviour enforces hope in establishing an illusionary position of power within my mind of/as me as resonant patterns of/as characters/personalities/thoughts/feelings and/or emotions of/as my parents and as such are MANipulative and deceptive and serve no purpose except to continue to enslave me, as my physical body in/as my mind, to consciousness.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how Everything that I participate in, as memories/charActers/personalities/thoughts/feelings/emotions/words/energy and experiences – have life changing effects upon life here for everything and everyone as who we are within and as our physical body within our physical reality – thus it is imperative that I / We Decide – I Decide who I am Willing to be and become, therefore I make the Decision as me as my Physical body to Stand in Agreement to move myself to support a system that will support our World and Everything/Everyone here, according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to walk in/as me as my physical body into and as a physical comprehension of who I am as my physical body – to Stop separating me from me as my physical body, and to show how innocence has never actually existed as who we are as consciousness – how for us to have an Opportunity of Innocence as a Living Expression of who we are, we as Human beings – must walkas the Living example of Self-forgiveness in/as the Nature of Equality – to Give unconditionally unto others, thus, receive unconditionally as an expression of/as self in/as a living expression of Innocence as Principle of/as Life.

I commit myself to let go of the charActer of holding a grudge – where I suppress myself in how I become righteous anger, blame, self-judgment and self-victimization – instead, I support myself to HOLD myself Standing and Walking as me as my Physical body as a Living example of Self-Accountability and Self-Responsibility – wherein I realize and understand that my mind as ME as the MEmories/charActers and personalities of those who’ve gone before me, is who and what I have given permission for, yet, I am Capable of Forgiving/Correcting and Directing myself to be and become change, beginning from the inside of me as my physical body-out, and to as such provide any and all support required to manifest and Create a World according to what’s Best for All – thus, it is, I Who Decides to Stop myself from the trap of the moving motion picture show of me as my mind as Consciousness MEmories/charActers and personalities/thoughts – to Stand up for and as All Living beings, in seeing/realizing/understanding how through what we accept and allow to exist within and as our mind as consciousness systems – we kill that which is Real as who we are as our physical body in/as our internal organs, cells, tissue and muscular/skeleton – where as our mind-physical we through/as memories/charActers and personalities/thoughts/feelings and emotions entangle and strangle our physical body from the inside out and therefore manifest and create our physical world/reality as that which exists in/as us within all the pain and suppression – where we then watch the madness play out daily within our world as we avoid seeing what it is, as who we are, that we are manifesting and creating our World as – how we are in this Moment of Breath the One Who Decides to Stop and Support ourselves and/as others, through supporting an Equal Money System – thus All life receives proper life support which will allow us to come together and assist each other in facing and releasing ourselves through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction and self-direction – to release, realign and redesign that which is preventing us from experiencing Life for Real as Heaven on Earth.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to, in equality and oneness with and as life, energy and substance, the mind and the physical, from the beginning to now – seen, realised and understood the extent to which ‘who I am’ is in fact existent from and of Memory. With my Mind an automated, manifested Memory-database that I use to create/manifest me into and as characters from Memories. And so all my characters of me in my Mind: is in fact Memory – me in my relationship to the physical-body and so this physical-existence, being/becoming a ‘Living/Functioning’ Memory.” ~ Sunette Spies, Heaven’s Journey to Life Blog – – Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83

Day 85: WithHolding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character holding a grudge of blame to/towards another, not seeing/realizing and understanding how whatever I experience to/towards another is what I’m actually projecting unto them of/as who I am, thus whatever I experience to/towards another is how/what I’m actually experiencing inward to/toward myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize or understand that when existing within a character of/as my mind where I hold a grudge against another, I am actually holding myself hostage within a point of manifested self suppression in a space of righteous anger, self-judgement and self-victimization where I become a living habit as the grudge I hold against another, which is actually a grudge against myself for not meeting the expectations of my mind that I have placed myself within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave to/towards another according to how I behave and experience myself in relationship to how I hold myself within and as characters of/as me as my mind – in how I have defined me in relationship to/as them according to how I have I defined them in relationship to me – wherein I as ‘the victim‘ of my own imagination – will accept and allow myself to be the judge and the jury against what I believe I saw within another – when in-fact what I was seeing/existing as/was my own self-reflection of/as the friend/fiend – looking through me as my physical mind eyes, from within my unconscious mind of/as a glass window pane – where me as a mind consciousness system will scan through all of my memories/characters and personalities – which I have created and manifested in/as my relationship to/towards a particular person who I ‘believe’ I hold a grudge to/toward – when in-fact, I as my mind as consciousness is holding a grudge against myself within the point of conflicting resonant patterns/character/personalities according to what I alone have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when corrected by someone to go into absolute fear inside myself where I then withhold myself and basically go into hiding within a space of blurriness where my reality and/or my idea of it completely changes and, I create in my secret mind an outward gr-judge toward whoever I perceive as having done me wrong – yet, I’m actually withholding myself from myself because within that I didn’t see/realize and understand how the only grudge I hold is in judgment to/as myself which is always directed inward towards myself causing damage upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how what I withhold from myself is that which I’m holding in/as suppression which manifest without unto our world, thus, actually withstanding life itself from manifesting as a world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as holding a grudge to/toward myself through participating in and as internal conversations/backchat causing internal damage to my organs and flesh of and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as a character holding a grudge to not see/realize and understand how I deliberately inferiorize myself, where I make myself less than in order to please another so I’ll be appreciated and/or accepted, because I have yet to appreciate and/or accept myself thus, I compromise myself within an idea that doing something for someone will validate who I am, because then I’ll be recognized and/or known as ‘special’ within our current world/society/money system – yet, in the act of holding a grudge within my mind, I am deliberately compromising myself in order to further my hope in establishing the illusionary position of power within my mind, and, when my planning falls through as it always has – I become ill willed with resentment to/towards anyone who didn’t support me in my quest for the role of said victory, therefore, within that I forgive myself that I have not seen/realized and understood how in holding a grudge against another I have created indigestion in the pit of my stomach from/as existing in anger to/toward myself for how I accept and allow myself to be in holding myself hostage in/as a character within my mind of holding a grudge.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized and/or understood how in holding a grudge, when I ‘feel’ like I’ve Not got what I wanted and/or intended – when/as I exert reactions to/toward another, I’m only actually reacting towards myself, because in self-honesty, I see how I’ve compromised myself in how I give myself away to my mind in my search of appreciation and acceptance – instead of giving and being appreciation and acceptance as myself in living it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how in/as the character who holds a grudge against another is actually me existing within self-judgment, resentment and anger, which I hold unto me as my physical body within a point of creating a victim of/as me as my physical body thus, manifesting illness and DisEase within myself, where I then seek to SIP off the energy I perceive in others, thus I GO after them through deliberately gossiping about them as a way of protecting/defending/securing myself within my mind of memories through how I’ve developed my characters/personalities from in the first place.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

The Bitch in Pride

Ever notice how pride will eat you up inside? People used to refer to me in one of two specific ways – that of a prideful bitch and/or the sweetest little thing they’d ever known. Plenty of times, people who I once referred to as friends, looked me straight in the eye and told me so. I’m quite sure I never believed them. However, I am now here to face me.

Recently, I completed a mind construct assignment in a leadership development course through Desteni I Process. The construct was that of my past employment/work history and, I’ll just say, that I came face to face with me as an angry bitch in pride. Ever notice how the sound of a word will just pull you into an energetic charge? That’s the person I met, as myself, as I walked the line of myself backwards in time.

As I applied the tools of self-forgiveness for the guilt I felt toward myself for popping an extra adderall, so I could make it through another long drawn out day working a job that meant absolutely nothing to me, except that it was a paycheck – to pay the bills. I looked at me in that memory, that’s when I saw the truth of me in self-honesty. I saw how who I had been, and how I had acted, simply wasn’t who I really am.

In realizing that I have the ability to direct myself, as who I am accepting myself as, according to the principle of equality, and that I am aware of, as myself, to trust me to accumulate myself accordingly, was like letting air bubbles out of water. And self- interest as pride began to release. I saw how my definition of pride was sticking to me like glue, because I had no idea how to trust myself. My whole life, I’ve existed according to how I perceived I was supposed to act and become, according to where and who I was in the company of, and according to a job requirement. I accepted myself wholeheartedly within my fear of surviving and I submitted myself, until even I didn’t recognize who I’d allowed myself to become.

As self denial, we suppress points of anger and resentment – just to name a few. As such, I existed as a bitch with an inordinate opinion of my own dignity, my own indulgence and importance. I had dignified myself and allowed myself to be cherished according to my mind. The definition of pride as consciousness.

And, there was more to the definition of myself as pride, because ‘the sweetest little thing’ was deriving pleasure and/or satisfaction in taking pride in having done something nice for another, and then believe it to reflect credit upon self. It is quite an opportunity that one gives their self, when one can sit alone in the humbleness of self, through self-forgiveness.

With Desteni I Process – one is able to stop the bitch in pride. You see your truth, as you, in self-honesty

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