Tag Archive | abuser

Day 154: The Hand of God is made of Money



“Sometimes the very things that we fight against are actually the hand of God trying to push us into a new season.” Joel Osteen

With regards to the above quote by Joel Osteen.  Have a look at how he avoids the facts when he refers to ‘the very things we fight against’ within our world, yet, see how he manipulates a rise in our feelings through using the words ‘fight against’, then as always, using the hand he’s been given that he claims is from God – which is made of/from money – he stops short, and offers no solution for all  that is tangible for assisting our world.

Maybe, Mr. Osteen actually believes what he’s selling, yet, what he’s selling offers no support for the tremendous amount of suffering, poverty, war and starvation which is happening within every corner of our world. In fact, he’s known for saying how he likes to focus on the positive within our world, and thus, chooses not to mention the poor and suffering.  Maybe he’s taking advantage of our willingness to accept him as having some sort of special powers because after all, his net worth is an estimated $40 million.

So, when he writes a quote that implies there is a God somewhere fighting our battles for us – maybe he wants to be sure that we’ll continue to support the plight of the rich and famous, or, maybe he really does believe that he’s special and that there really is a God somewhere willing to bless his need for greed while millions suffer in poverty and starve to death.

However,the fact remains, WE support him.  He earns his Money from US.   NOT a God.

The only season upon us in the one where the rich are seizing the opportunity to sell hope to the slaves (us), and thus far, we’ve been willing to buy it.  I choose to stop…

Please don’t misunderstand. I am not placing blame on Mr. Osteen.  The Fact is, We’re All responsible for how our current world/money system exists.

It’s time to realize that the battle going on here on earth,  is between the haves and the have-nots.

Throughout our entire history, nothing has ever changed. It’s the same story over and over, where only the picture and the players change, and, it’s Always, Always, about making and having the most MONEY/Power.

No God will ever come save us, because what is real is what is here which is US.

Thus, we’re going to have to save ourselves. No one can do that for us.

Investigate how: Equal Money

“I Forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how what I accept and allow here in the small, in my own life – I will accept and allow in my relationship to humanity/this world. Where, whenever I face a point of responsibility, like for example each of us human beings, individually standing within self-responsibility to ourselves and to all, we instead each individually abdicate that practical reality responsibility of sorting out THIS REAL WORLD, creating a NEGATIVE towards it within ourselves in all of our opinions, judgments, fears, insecurities, knowledge and information and INSTEAD create a POSITIVE in our Minds through/within Religions/Spiritualities/Movements/Entertainment etc. – following only the GOOD FEELINGS in our own self-interest, when: How would this World change if we stop, individually, looking at everything as a Negative in our Minds, but PRACTICALLY approach the problems/consequences in this world and come up with PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS that would be best for all, in equality and oneness, Here. But, interestingly enough, we are so caught up in the spinning webs of our Minds in ENERGY that human beings, individually, would fight/defend/protect their POSITIVE FEELINGS and regard this more than All Life on Earth. That they cannot see beyond the POSITIVE ENERGY, how Life on Earth would change for ALL within, for example the proposed Equal Money System. But, it’s fascinating here, that: individuals cannot have the ‘Positive Feelings/Energies’ in the Mind, if the Negative/Bad in their lives/this world do not exist as it does, cause for the Positive to Exist, the Negative must exist. And so, we as human beings will keep this world/humanity the way it is, just to have/maintain/possess the Positive-Energy Experiences we have defined ourselves as in the MIND…” Sunette Spies – Heaven’s Journey to Life

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Day 152: Erasing the Lies

This is a continuation to:
Day 151: Control Freak

I commit myself to expose myself to who I am within my fears where I try and control others to avoid the fear of facing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed as I attempt to control the consequences of my past behaviors by controlling others.

I commit myself to erase the lies of who I’ve been as a control freak where in fear I try and control others as a defense mechanism to not look within to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become and to through writing and self-forgiveness see my way to/as self-honesty.

When and as I am having a conversation and sharing myself with another and I see that I am beginning to want to say something to them within the desire to try and control them, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that directing myself and others as myself in self-honesty, does not involve energetic movement or the want, need and/or desire to convince someone of something therefore, I commit myself to breathe and remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop reacting towards others within a ‘shut the fuck up’ attitude where within myself I become spiteful and thus project that onto others, thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to remain aware of my voice tonality because I see, realize and understand that when I’m seeking to control another, the tone in which I speak becomes higher or lower depending on whether I’m using a positive or negative approach to control.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for how I am walking my process because I see, realize and understand that I have been a control freak toward myself and thus have suppressed myself in my writings and self-forgiveness, thus I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as my mind to attempt to control and suppress who I am and I commit myself to push through the resistance of/as control and to allow myself to let go and accept myself to be and express myself through to/as self-honesty.

I commit myself to breathe and stand within an understanding of the nature of who I am as a control freak and to no longer accept and allow myself to express myself in such a manner to/towards others because I see, realize and understand that seeking to control others is an outflow of fear and that when I act like a control freak I am giving permission for fear to manifest itself as who I become as it, thus, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be and become fear.

I commit myself to stop being a control freak wherein I try and control how other people act and think because I see, realize and understand that I must first walk the necessary changes of self in self-honesty in changing me from the inside out before I am able to be of any real assistance to/for anyone else.

I commit myself to stop living my life attempting to control others through trying to please/manipulate them in one way or another, and to instead realize that life is not about pleasing/manipulating others, it’s about supporting all life according to what’s best for all through and with the support of an Equal Money System.

Day 151: Control Freak


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I allow myself to become a certain character within my world such as a control freak, then I will experience the same, for example; control within my world, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind who is a control freak, where as that I exist within a belief that I have the ability to control others even though at the same time within my mind I feel a loss of control, thus, I will act on the need to fill my perception of loss of control through my attempt to control others instead of questioning and investigating what is it within myself that causes me to react on the outside in relation to what’s going-on on the inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unknowingly use fear as the reason for my need to control others through relationships because within my mind I fear losing control and I fear the feeling that comes up as inadequacy when I perceive myself as having a negative experience, thus, I seek to control others as a way of keeping a positive energetic experience of myself going on where I see myself as being important and/or the most responsible one within the relationship and within that I forgive myself for playing make belief within my mind as being and having authority and control over others as a way of avoiding facing who I am as a fear reaction feeling of being ‘out of control’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control everything and everyone within my world even though within my secret mind I constantly fear that I am making one mistake after another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a control freak within my secret mind I quietly want others to fear me even though I am more afraid of others than they could ever be of me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied with the details of others to the point that I will attempt to dominate them with my opinions at the expense of flexibility, openness and/or common sense mostly because at that point I’ve become obsessed and only interested in having things done my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate a place for myself within my mind where I become unwavering in my approach towards others because I see myself as being more superior than another being because I believe that I need attention and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the application of unforgiving towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to the words: ‘out of control’ wherein my mind I see ‘out of control’ as a dark scary place which I run from yet when I slow myself down and breath I see that there is only me as my past in fear of letting go..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within fear there is always the starting point of self-interest where I want, need and/or desire something and/or someone from outside myself to validate me thus protect me from the secrets I hold within my mind which I use against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in and as fear turn life into an act of labored living wherein I take from others within the same context as when withdrawing money from my bank account and within that I forgive myself that I have exchanged the life force of my physical body for energy through how I create debt as a consequence of my expectations within my constant need to maintain a perception of routine and control within and as my mind.

to be continued

Day 84: I ‘Can’ Stop This Feeling Inside Of Me

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blogs: ~
Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –
Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me – –

When and as I see myself becoming automated in/as words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions where I as my mind as consciousness seeks to continue in subjecting a child to how we have Built a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity, I Stop. I breathe. I commit myself to let go of emotional manipulation in an attempt to feed my ego in my attempt to seek for a feeling that I believed is me.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself and others in my attempt to seek and find something and/or someone to serve purpose for me in achieving a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself and others to receive that which doesn’t actually exist, as I see/realize and understand how seeking/searching for a feeling that I believe is me, is actually me acting in/as memories/characters/personalities, in and as thoughts of/as my parents mind, in/as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to become aware of and stop myself in how I participate in thought patterns in/as my mind, which I build up inside me to a need for ‘feeling’ energy experience within me, which is actually a point of self-sabotage, because I’ve seen and been aware of the specific pattern, but only now have been willing to face the point of where I react within my world to/toward my partner and my children only slightly, keeping a ‘low flame’ so to speak, until finally I suppress myself to the point of erupting, which is then when I begin to seek/search for a feeling to direct me instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself attempting to be the perfect someone, through attempting to please others through manipulation in/as a deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that I am not here to manipulate and/or please others because in doing so I am living a religion of self, therefore, I commit myself to no longer be the pleaser, and to instead Stand as the equalizer of/as me in self-honesty, to see to it that I am able to become a living example of equality and oneness in supporting a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to establish a clear understanding within myself – to assist and show how we have only ever existed in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system – and how as a mind consciousness system, we have essentially developed/created and manifested energy according to and from it’s relationship to/as our physical bodies, and that basically, we’ve always existed dependent upon the control of/as a system.

I commit myself to stop myself from bowing down to the current state of affairs existent within and as our world, wherein I’ve become the living example as less than the dog who begs his owner for a bone to suck on, as a way of pacifying myself to not see what I’m accepting and allowing to continue within this world – instead, I Stop – I breathe, I stand up on my own two feet, equal and one to what is here and say no more to the cruelty of our current money system, no more to poverty, starvation, war and murder – to show how we as humans Can Walk ourselves through to/in/as a point of self-trust – where we will then be able to support a world where All living beings experience a quality of life living in dignity according to a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to be the stable foundation I require to support myself as my physical body, with writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-honesty and Desteni I Process, as I see/realize and understand the gift I give to self in doing so, and, I comprehend how one will only seek to fill that which one is not receiving from self in/as self-intimacy, thus in walking self through in/as self-corrective application self becomes intimately aware of/as self, in/as this process of walking the Journey to Life through Self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to continue investigating and supporting who I am as my physical body, to further see/realize and understand how that to disregard who we are as our physical body, shows us how we are willing to accept and allow poverty, starvation, war, rape and murder to exist, because how can we begin to honor and care for the physicality of everything and everyone, if we’ve not yet understood the conditioning we’ve accepted and allowed within and without as who we are as our physical body.

I commit myself to support that which matters most as me as my physical body and our physical reality in seeing/realizing and understanding the extent of influence and impact that our entire world systems operate and, in how what happens on our earth will have an impact on everyone equally and thus it’s imperative that we as a humanity come together in caring and sharing what is here given from Earth to All here Equally.

I commit myself to support myself to show how who we are as our physical bodies within our physical reality, is all that we can actually trust, thus, in supporting an Equal Money system, we’re supporting life in trusting that which is real, our physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within a particular position of defense where I align my position of defense according to how I manipulate and abuse others through my words and/or the way I move my physical body in order to achieve that which I ‘believe’ is rightfully mine as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teeter to and from and within positive and negative points of polarity in/as a memory of feeling less than, and experiencing more than – where within that I will justify and manipulate others into giving me a false sense of meaning to reach that which I’m searching for as a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in searching for a feeling that I believe is me, situate myself within my own little world where everything revolves around me getting and possessing things for myself as I search for ways to secure and protect that which I believe will assist me in searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body according to lines of thought within my mind wherein I compete and seduce others through how I stand and move me as my physical body in order to get what I want, thus, I forgive myself for existing in/as inner dishonesty which I manifest within and as me as my physical body – where the outer me acts in character as the MEmory/personality and thoughts within and as the inner me as my mind as consciousness, as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I’ve become an automated system of actions within my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body for sex as a weapon against men in order to get my way to what I want which is to satisfy my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the extent of the damage I cause to my internal organs within me as my physical body when I participate within and as energetic experiences created in and as my mind in order to fulfill my searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as energetic experiences in how I participate within my world through/as and within my relationships in order to feel alive within a world where I’ve not only been branded in what and where to spend money to support the mess of what is here, but I’ve also been the one giving my seal of approval within my constant searching to feel good within our current world/money system – where I have stood by in ego and greed and accepted and allowed what is here to continue, instead of taking self-responsibility because in self-honesty, I see clearly how what is here, is Not how life is suppose to be, yet, I’ve sat quietly because, I’ve been searching for a feeling that I believed was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ego is a belief within my mind of those that have walked here before me, even as I’ve seen for myself – how I’ve taken the very nature of myself as my parents as their memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and fears, and added my own pictures, thoughts, and energetic experiences, and then, have the nerve to claim that I’m in control in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and evolve within my life from the starting point of ego as an experience where I have aligned and developed myself as my physical body within the context of evolving as a mind consciousness system, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go in search for a feeling that I’ve believed is me, where I took pride in specifying the experience of myself as energies of and as emotions and feelings without any consideration of what the consequences of doing so has had upon my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ‘experience’, as that which I have believed has kept me going within myself and my world/reality, as the very nature of me in/as and of ‘experience’ – as that which is/has been filtered through me in/as my parents mind of/as memories/characters/ personalities – in how me as my mind, as consciousness, according to who I am as memories/characters/ personalities, in/as extensions of thoughts, in and as feelings and emotions, is actually only experiences that I have defined into and as energy.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

to be continued

Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me

Today, I was able to stop myself mid-sentence – when hearing the insanity in/as my automated speaking – in asking my almost 2 year old granddaughter, if she had fun playing at her new babysitters house – which is where she just began going to the day before.

I stopped myself from finishing the question, I breathed and looked into her little eyes looking at me – I saw myself as the abuser in asking her to please hurry and be a memory.

It’s dishonesty, manipulation, self-interest, and, I can only describe it as seeking for a feeling that I believe is me.

I’m beginning to see/realize and understand how we participate in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness. Thus, I Suggest reading Heaven’s Journey to Life blog for clarity to understand the nature of how we exist in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become automated words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions of my parents mind where I as my mind as consciousness continue to subject children to Building a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through others seek for a reason and/or purpose, a place where I can find that I belong in order to locate a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through manipulation be willing to compromise the lives of others so that I’m able to fulfill a dependency upon experiencing myself as loved, needed and wanted as I seek for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to feel a dependency upon another within what I’ve referred to as love but is in fact dependency and manipulation seeking for a feeling that I believed is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to balance an unbalanced feeling within myself in seeking for a feeling that I believed is me in desiring to be the perfect child to my parents who I saw as less than perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my need for a feeling that I believed was me attempted to be the perfect daughter through pleasing and manipulating my mother so she would appreciate and love me the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be guided by a feeling of something more than a feeling to fill what feels like a missing expression of me as that which is Not of memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see/realize and understand that in/as my need to seek for a feeling that I believed was me, have not understood how we’ve only ever existed here in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my seeking for a feeling that I believed was me, to disregard that which matters most as me as my physical body within and as our physical reality.

to be continued

Day 74: Character: Delusion of Nobility

This is a continuation to: Day 73: Queen of my Castle – –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devise for myself a script derived from within a belief of self grandeur, born of jealousy within the illusion of controlling others, beginning first with my mother and father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want and desire from my parents ALL of their attention, thus, I attempted to defend and protect our relationship by trying to control them within the context of how I wanted the relationship with them to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to allow control and jealousy to completely take over how I experience myself within all of my relationships, where I have sought to validate my pre-conceived idea of how I want the relationship to be, thus, I seek to be the most important being that the other being is having a relationship with, and wherein my attempt to control, I become jealous of other beings that may threaten my desire, want and need according to how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control in/as a character of self grandeur, as I constantly try to fulfill my wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and victimize my step dad within my mind in order to validate myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and a burden upon my parents, thus, I projected blame and frustrations unto them in malcontent and then chose to escape the reality of my physical reality, and hide within my mind as a character in/as the delusion of nobility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to believe that if I have a relationship where my wants, needs and desires are fulfilled, then I control that part of me and thus am fulfilling my own illusion of control and jealousy, not realizing that the point within it all which is my relationship within and as the polarities of superiority/inferiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be of noble blood wherein I defined the word noble as who I was and believed that I as such had special abilities to assist others to see what they couldn’t see, thus validating myself within a personal mind reality of my own making, of /as a delusion of grandeur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing picture presentations of myself within my mind which through my participation in/as them assisted myself to continue acting as a character of/as self grandeur, in/as separation from life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind seeing myself as a larger than life character with delusions of grandeur whereas I constructed a self portrait of my own self-betrayal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how who I am as a character of my mind as thoughts and memories of me in/as my past, dictates who I am as my future as me here within this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am as my behaviors, mannerisms, and voice tonality, all of which I created myself in and as a personality blend according to the character I became as self grandeur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character of self grandeur to not take self-responsibility for me as my physical body wherein I actually held myself within a point of dishonor to/towards my physical body through occupying myself within my secret mind, where I secluded myself from what is actually real, thus neglecting what is real as me as my physical body within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up within my own web of lies, where I allowed self-interest and trying to survive life within our current money system to distract me from realizing myself within the reality of our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe time after time that I had changed, taken a new path, a new journey or had new experiences, when in actuality, I’ve always lead myself right back to the same point I avoided, which is me, to face myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to stop walking in/as self-grandeur as a character of nobility.

I commit myself to redesigning and realigning myself through self-corrective application where, as I see myself participating in and as jealousy and seeking to control others through manipulative acts of attempting to receive attention, I stop. I breathe. I realize that those are the patterns which keep me walking as characters of me, and I am no longer willing to continue as such.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to thoroughly investigate who I am as characters, as walking scripts of me, and, to show that human beings have the ability to walk themselves free from the direction of/as the mind as consciousness, and to direct themselves willingly to support an Equal Money system, where All life will be able to exist in dignity.