Tag Archive | parenting

Day 292: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much

Born in Middle Class America, my story isn’t special. Meaning, how I experienced myself growing up could be your story, or anyone’s story for that matter. Let me explain.

I was in second grade, around 7 or 8 when I first become aware of the variety of masks that people wear as their making some sort of a connection when they’re beginning a relationship with each other. I recall having strong emotional fears with regards to deciding which mask or character / personality to become even though I understood that it all depended upon the situation and the people and how I wanted to experience and express myself when being around them.

Bottom line, I was scared. Scared to get too close to anyone, because already by the time I was 7, I understood that people don’t stay, they leave. They go their own way for whatever reason and from the very beginning, I didn’t like subjecting myself to the emotional pain that inevitably happened when a relationship stopped / ended. It’s no surprise then that I can relate so much to the following quote:

“I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport. Besides, if I let someone get that close, they’d see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask.” Dexter Morgan (Character) from the Showtime series: Dexter

I accepted early on in my life that what was going on within my mind with regards to my thoughts and my feelings and emotions within a fear of loss at the prospect of being rejected wasn’t worth giving my whole self to.  Because being rejected felt like losing a part of myself.  And so as I participated within and as ALL that,,, I withdrew into my own little world within and as my mind where I believed the lies that I told myself – which was that I didn’t want or need anyone to be happy, yet I was anything but happy.

So during my first couple of years in elementary school I remember spending a lot of time watching and observing other kids in my class. I envied the kids who would become the teachers favorite, and every day during recess I remember watching as the kids in my class ran around having fun together playing.   I remember wondering why I felt so alone and lonely inside myself and as I watched them go about their business, I experienced quite a bit of negative emotions and insecurity within and towards myself.  Inside my head, I was having thoughts / backchat,  asking myself what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to make the kind of connections with others that I see them making amongst themselves…

Almost in-spite of myself, by the time I reached middle school, I had established a few close friendships / relationships, both male and female. But even then, something within me in how I experienced myself within my relationships was off in that I felt like I never completely fit in with the relationship.  It was like I watched myself put on a mask, and depending upon who I was with, I would become some sort of character / personality, and in doing so, within my mind I began to blame and spite and resent others for how I was experiencing myself and I felt emotionally defeated.

I realize now that how I experienced myself back then and how I experience myself now with regards to my relationships with others, both individual or within a group, whether personal or business – had / has nothing to do with anyone else but me. Meaning, I am responsible for what goes on within me at all times and the same goes for what’s going on within and as my outer world / reality, because our outer world is a reflection of what we’re accepting and allowing to exist within us.

Therefore,  it’s important that I Stand Committed and walk this point through, breathing through the resistance in order to become stable and supportive within and as the Desteni Group , which is and has always been quite a pilar of support for me.  This I am currently walking the corrective application for,  but clearly,  my early experience into society as a child has influenced every relationship I’ve had…

 

Investigating the point now, I see how when I was a kid,  one of the things that would have assisted me greatly, would have been if someone – like my parents, or a teacher – would have been able to offer me support and guidance for what was going on within and as my mind, as thoughts and pictures, and the feelings and emotions and the fear!  That would have made a world of difference for me when I was growing up.

 

And I mean, it’s only been through walking the lessons in Desteni I Process Pro and applying the tools that the course provides that I’ve been able to understand for myself the goings on within and as my mind.  And more than ever, I see how important it is that we walk this life together supporting each other with a partner as well as walking within and as a Group.

changing the world together with dipThe Group should be supportive of ALL Life, because let’s be serious, there is NO WAY that one person will ever be able to bring about the kind of change that this world and everyone in it so desperately seek.

The kind of change that is required to our monetary system as well as All the world systems.

And unless we stand together as a Group and support the kind of freedom where the Foundation of Life on Earth begins with making All worldly decisions based upon and according to what’s best for all. That’s the only way that we can ensure that money is no longer God and thus no longer the thorn in everyone’s side and then, when we stop stressing out over NOT having food, or water and a home and clothes and an education – when All that mess and stress ends we’re going to be shocked at how just that point alone will completely change the relationships we have with each other and the relationship we have with others within our world.

If one look at the history of man and how our relationships with one another are by way of our thoughts and feelings and our emotions – we can then see how participating in them keeps us from being able to be objective. And when we’re not being objective then we fall into the realm of subjectivity – which means our decision making is personal, and subject to the influence of opinions by way of beliefs and thoughts and feelings and even subject to how we’re experiencing ourself at any given moment. And come on, at this point the decisions made in this world is also made based upon ego and greed, profit and the fear of survival!

I mean, there’s a lot going on within our mind that we cannot accept and allow when making life and death decisions with regards to how our current monetary / world systems operate / function.

And, until we can understand our own minds – like how and why we think and react like we do – because what I’ve learned through walking the Desteni I Process course is that I can direct who I am as my mind and in doing so I am able to take responsibility for myself and for what and how I’ve accepted and allowed Life on Earth to be lived as.

It’s Time to Question Our Reality, and come together as a Group to agree on a money system that will support Everyone… If we can’t do that, then we’ll have to continue to suffer because Hell on Earth is just getting started.

Time to forgive ourselves and each other, and make the most important decision we’ll ever make, not in the name of ouself but in the name of and for the future of how Life itself will be experienced as dignified here on Earth.

 ENROLL TODAY!

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Day 266: When a Child Dies

The quote below is from the following article: Boy, 4, dies falling into a bathtub under 37-year-old babysitter’s watch at Times Square luxury apartment building

“The child’s death came as a surprise for tenants in the 40-story luxury tower.” 

Reading about the death of a child is the hardest thing to hear about regardless of how they died.  When I read the above article, it was the above sentence that caught my eye and seemed to scream Wake-UP People!   Seriously, we have to ask ourselves how is it that those we live physically closest to, like our neighbors for instance, how it is that we don’t know a damn thing about them really with regards to how their actually experiencing themself day after day after day.   The question remains: ‘How is it we can live next door to an abused child and never even notice their being abused?

“…you did it because the group called humans allowed it to happen. The neighbors refused to take care of each other – you refused to be your brothers keeper. You refused to love your neighbor as yourself. All you were looking for is things to blame to hide your own part in playing evil in this world…” Bernard Poolman

avoidanceThis World is a dangerous place for children and animals, and I’m not sure how we’ve gotten this far considering that we as ‘the adults’ that exist in the child’s life for instance – whether it be that you’re the parent or the grandparent, the babysitter or close friend – how most of us, have minimal skills when it comes to knowing how to assist and support the child through any given situation.

My granddaughter Emmeline – who is 3 1/2 years old – she reminds me daily how important it is to be aware of what she’s doing at any given moment. And I’m seeing how she’s changing,  as her mind seems to be turning itself against her.

Yesterday she was hanging out in the living room area as I was finishing some cooking in the kitchen. Inside, our house was very quiet,  and then, for the first time ever, I hear her began to sing a song that I’ve heard her listen to with her mom, and this particular song is one that her and her mom both have said is their favorite.  It was interesting to watch her singing it because she sang with great confidence and her acting seemed spot on for how she must have witnessed another singing it considering that at 3 1/2 she has no real idea what the meaning is within the words she was repeating from the song: ‘Wrecking Ball‘ by Miley Cyrus.  

I can see how at 3 1/2 she is only now becoming acquainted with her imagination and is beginning to tell stories that make sense if only to her.    She is still somewhat unpredictable and so you never know what one her age might decide to do.  So young children require an adult checking in on them frequently and they need for us to get a clue to the fact that they’re going through a rough time as their mind begins to integrate into and as their physical body so it’s time we take that fact into consideration. 

A must Hear Interview Series that assists one to understand how to Assist the Child at Eqafe is: Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race Series.  A very interesting series with an overview of the 3 Phases of Child Development: Phase I: 0-1 Years, Phase II: 1-3 Years and Phase III: 3-7 Years.

Also to add, I’ve noticed that Emmeline has also become very emotional. One might even say she’s moody. A couple of days ago I saw her crawl under the kitchen table and then she started to kind of whimper for like 15 seconds, she then stopped, crawled out from under the table,  and took off running toward the couch where she landed with the greatest of ease.

If I give any attention to any one of her emotional outbursts then it’s like I’ve disrupted her entire process and she may or may not become agitated. There have been plenty times lately when I’ve kept Emmeline and I can see she’s having trouble expressing herself because she’s beginning to feel things she’s never felt before and the truth is,  sometimes I’m not sure if I should try and comfort her or let her be.   Sometimes she makes this sort of blank smiley face where her eyes look upward like she’s accessing her mind, kind of zombie like and I can’t help but ask: ‘who’s she acting like now’?  Mostly I’m realizing that it is only with her assistance,  that I’m able to be of any assistance for her at all.

For sure she has taught me that one on one communication with each other is vital for our physical health and our mental stability. So please.  remain aware of where and what the young child under your care is busy doing, because mostly they’re looking for something to occupy themselves with.  Thus, we have to stay awake, literally, remain aware and within hearing distance in case they require our assistance, or in case we require theirs.

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race Series

Why am I Series 

Fears & Phobias Series 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination Series

Support LIG

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that the foundation of Positive and Negative Results that are Used as Self Motivation in the Game of Survival are Based on Ignorance, and Ignoring that All Participants in Life on Earth are Inadequately Instructed as to How to Live in a Way that will be Best for Self and all other Life Forms – and this thus, Living much Positive/Negative Consideration, Does not in fact Produce a Better World, it only justifies an Inadequate Society in astounding Ignorance.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 110 – Children are Not Born with Instructions

Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

For Context Please Read:

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to something and/or someone within an illusion in my mind where I have believed that the nature of abuse within the relationship will forever remain, I stop. Instead I breathe, I see, realize and understand that my mind fears losing the relationship because I have formed a pattern of and as it through my acceptance, when in reality, I am aware that I AM able to change the nature of who I am as the abuse to one that honors All Life unconditionally, equally as one.

I commit myself to stop participating when I see myself wanting to hold on to the specific mother/daughter connection/relationship that I have with my daughter/children in order to solidify who I’ve been within and as superiority because I see, realize and understand that the power of control I’ve demanded over my children has only created a restraint upon their self expression as well as my own. I commit myself to Stop.

I commit myself to direct myself to stop who I am as anger and spite because I see, realize and understand that to remain acting as such is a total disregard for life itself and I realize that I’m not actually angry at anyone or anything but myself, that I’m actually angry and spiteful within for how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my mind in total disregard for who I am as my physical body and for the consequences that doing so creates within and as my world/physical body and reality.

I commit myself to Stop reacting in cycles of abusive patterns of reaction to/towards my daughter/children because I see, realize and understand that I am aware of when the anger rises from within my solar plexus and I understand that I have that moment in breath where I can direct myself to change the very nature of the relationship to one that is supportive, giving and celebratory.

I commit myself to stop my personal self interest and to stop myself from going into a traumatized state of mind when I see that my relationship with someone is changing and instead I commit myself to investigate and practice introspecting with regards to what it is that I have learned from the relationship and how has the relationship enriched my mind, myself and my life and living.
EqualifeI commit myself to slowing down, to breathe, and to in self honesty really look at the relationships within my life and actually learn from them and through learning from them change my living and my behavior.

I commit myself to opening up a connection with my daughter/children to see, realize and understand that it’s opening up within me a particular part of me or a particular expression, or a particular characteristic that I had not yet recognized inside myself that I have accessed through the relationship and I commit myself to allow myself to see the unique expression that each relationship I have with another is a gift for me to recognize about myself.

I commit myself to investigate what is my daughter/my child showing of me that I haven’t recognized or lived within myself and what is it of me that I am accessing in relationship with them and in that to see the gift they are giving.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop the mind relationship where I attach another into my mind and make them a part of an energetic episode of spite and anger, to thus stop my fear of things changing and/or stopping the projection of things changing, and to instead live in the moment, to see what I can learn from others from myself everyday and to make the most out of every moment of breath so that together we can focus on changing our world to one where All abuse and suffering such as poverty can be stopped, because in seeing ourselves in another we will learn/accept the gift of giving as we’d like to receive.

I commit myself to be more directive in my life with regards to the relationships within my life, to become more intimate and grateful for the gifts that the connections these relationships have afforded me throughout my life.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that All Education and Intellect on Earth is Based on the Foundation of Ignorance to Disregard the fact that the Initial Instructions of a New Born Child were Inadequate and thus at Root Cause for a World and Society that live in Ways that Do Not Honor Life or Each other, but only Honor Survival as Successful Living.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” Bernard Poolman

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Support Living Income Guaranteed

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How to Successfully Commit to the Relationship

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Day 245: House of Cards

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for me physically as I’ve been continuing my alternative treatment plan for cancer. With not feeling very well I’m hesitant to admit that I’ve been watching a little bit of television, and after having researched the topic, have become somewhat educated about how our political/money system operates.

So, it’s interesting, how the facts about how our world exists are everywhere to be understood if only we’ll use what is here and educate ourselves further and then, change it to serve us with a solution that will be Best for All – instead of accepting and allowing the rules of the Elite to Enslave us.
house of cards
The particular television show that I’ll be referring to is called ‘House of Cards‘. The show centers around Francis Underwood who is basically a Majority Whip who has his hands in/on every secret in politics, and, is willing to betray anyone and everyone in his attempt to become President.  Now obviously this is a television series however, research for yourself to see how accurate the moves within it are.

Alright so, if you don’t know, here’s the definition of a Majority Whip:

“an official in a political party whose primary purpose is to ensure party discipline in a legislature. Whips are a party’s “enforcers”, who typically offer inducements and threaten punishments for party members to ensure that they vote according to the official party policy. A whip’s role is also to ensure that the elected representatives of their party are in attendance when important votes are taken. The usage comes from the hunting term “whipping in”, i.e. preventing hounds from wandering away from the pack.” ~ Wikipedia

‘Party discipline’ is also important to understand

“Party discipline is the ability of a parliamentary group of a political party to get its members to support the policies of their party leadership. In liberal democracies, it usually refers to the control that party leaders have over their caucus members in the legislature. Party discipline is important for all systems of government that allow parties to hold political power because it determines the degree to which the governmental infrastructure will be affected by legitimate political processes.” ~Wikipedia

So, how does one get it’s members to support certain policies and how is ‘party discipline’ enforced? With Money.  Money is what gives one the Power. Now, the Lobbyist plays a key role in how the Power roles shift and are Inflated with Money and are backed by Major Corporations/ Elite who are the only ones who have the money it takes to enforce such ‘party discipline’.

What industries spend the most Money on Lobbying?

The following data was recorded by the Senate Office of Public Records. The top 10 industries for 2009 were:

Pharmaceuticals/Health Products – $199,323,702

Insurance – $122,065,251

Oil & Gas – $120,669,855

Electric Utilities – $108,163,536

Business Associations – $92,696,817

Computers/Internet – $88,847,937

Misc Manufacturing & Distributing – $84,363,782

TV/Movies/Music – $77,861,927

Hospitals/Nursing Homes – $77,465,842

Education – $73,913,389

“If you’re good at this game, you’ve provided your congressional quarterback with everything under the sun—including fundraisers, golf outings, travel, meals, and premium event tickets. Now you’re on your way. The American people may not know the details of what you just did, but they kind of suspect it’s happening and they hate it. And they should hate it, since it’s killing our country. Unfortunately, until we can change this system, that’s how the sausage is made.” ~Former Lobbyist Jack Abramoff

Yes, that’s how the sausage is made, it’s made of Money, a lot of Money and Deceit. It’s what keeps things as they are, where the majority continue to support the rich to become richer and most of us, we aren’t even educated enough to BEGIN to understand the basics of how this current money/political system operates. The fact is there will be no real Education reform because there is no profit to be made in that.

In fact, look again at the above numbers for proof that less and less is spent on Education reform and how what’s important and profitable is the Pharmaceutical/Drug Industry. All the while more than half of the federal prisoners incarcerated in 2010 were for drug crimes according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Who of us has the Money to get a Bill to pass Congress anyway?  Only the Rich.

“I’m talking about giving a gift to somebody who makes a decision on behalf of the public. At the end of the day, that’s really what bribery is. But it is done everyday and it is still being done. The truth is there were very few members who I could even name or could think of who didn’t at some level participate in that.” ~ Former Lobbyist Jack Abramoff

That’s what it comes down to. This is how Countries are Governed. This is how Poverty exists and this is how the Systems that Govern our World operate and strangely enough, we’re OK with that.

I won’t pretend to know or understand every detail because I’m still Educating myself about how and why our current World/Money/Systems exists as they do.  However, what I do understand is that at some level,  we All realize that everything is Not OK.  How most of us are so busy trying to survive that we’ve failed to see that we’re not even aware of what we’re accepting and allowing.

There’s no time for blame and if we’re not even willing to see the facts – even as they’re presented to us even through the television shows we watch daily- if we’re not willing to change that which is enslaving us by our own hands, then folks, we’re in serious trouble. So much so that one can see how we bicker, compete and fight with each other, instead of coming together to bring about a Real Solution,  to bring an End to our own enslavement.

Our current world systems are run and operated by crooks who have all the money and it’s us,  the slaves who give them their power.   It’s Enough.

It’s simple. Educate yourself about the Living Income Guaranteed proposal.

If we’ve got the time to sit in front of the television,  then we better make time to study that which will set us free for real.

“People look at politicians and celebrities on the TV and the newspapers, glossy magazines – what do they see? “I’m just like them.” That’s what they say. “I’m special. I’m different. I could be any one of them.” Well guess what, you can’t. You know why? Cause in reality, mediocrity is where most people live. Mediocrity is the elephant in the room. It’s ubiquitous. Mediocrity in your schools. It’s in your dreams. It’s in your family. And those of us who know this – those of us who understand the disease of the dull – we do something about it. We do more because we have to. The deck was always stacked against us. You’re either a big leaguer, or you’re a slave clawing your way onto the “C” train.” ~ Former Lobbyist Jack Abramoff

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Consciousness have ensured the Value of Life as Equal for All, was replaced with the Race for Survival based on the Principles of Debt, to ensure that no Slave realize the Truth until Death by promoting unique Individualism of Consciousness, to ensure that No Groups form that Challenge the Status Quo – Leaving Life in a State of Woe, from which No One has been able to Escape throughout All of Human History, because until All are Equal and Free as Life: No One is Equal and Free.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to SHOW that the Earth, as Nature Labor, Create the Environment within which Man Exist, But Man Learns Nothing from the Examples Given, and instead transform the Earth’s Labor into Money Consciousness with which to Enslave Each other.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to SHOW that Science and Mathematics based on the Foundation that All Life is Created Equal, will Produce a Society that is Best for All Life “~ Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

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Also suggest watching the Documentary: Park Avenue: Money, Power and the American Dream

Day 207: Moms on Meds

For context Read:
5 Ways Medication Can Make You a Better Mom

Xanax Makes Me a Better Mom

Problem:
A record number of moms and dads are taking anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants. Statistics show that One In Four women take some kind of prescribed ‘mental health medication’ whether that be an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication or both.

Almost 6 years ago, I was one of those moms. At the time I was prescribed 2 different kinds of anti-depressants, and had been on them for approximately 12 years. I was also regularly taking xanax – which I first began taking in 1988 shortly after my first ‘anxiety attack’. So, I know what it’s like to experience an anxiety attack and what it is to convince yourself that you have to have that little pill to pop in order to assist yourself to cope throughout the day. I know what it’s like to be a mom on meds and I’m very aware of the downhill cycle of fear, suppression, guilt and self-denial.

So let’s look closer at what is written within the article: 5 Ways Medication Can Make You a Better Mom. Where she lists the 5 ways that medication can make you a better mom:

She writes: “5 Ways Meds Can Make You a Better Mom:
1. Help make the oftentimes terrifying world seem like a less terrifying place to raise children.
2. Lessen out-of-control mommy guilt (which, left unchecked, can lead to/aggravate depression).
3. Make it easier to manage the stress of juggling more work/family/life responsibilities than human beings are meant to juggle at one time.
4. Help regulate sleep patterns/avoid crippling fatigue.
5. Help keep the everyday emotional ups-and-downs of your children in perspective.”
moms on meds

The five ways listed from my perspective are actually a list of fears, reasons and justifications. All of which I also used to justify to myself why it was OK for me to pop a pill and numb myself down into a feel good state of mind, and in doing so failed to face the truth of me, of who and how I was existing as in self-denial within a world/money system that is to failing the children of our world.

The fact is, our world is a scary and terrifying place to raise a child, what with the threat of hunger, poverty and war making it’s way to doorsteps of us all. We actually don’t have another moment to waste when it comes to becoming responsible enough to raise our children to become the kind of human being that will support our world according to what’s best for all – because as of now, that kind of human being has never actually existed and our World clearly reflects the truth of that.

When we talk about treating depression we have to look at the facts.  My experience was that combining anti-depressant medication with anti-anxiety medication, the combination of the two,  actually increased my depression. Anyone whose taken anti-anxiety medication for an extended period of time knows that one have to increase their dose over time to get any benefit and that long term use in itself causes more and more depression.  It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound that will never heal.  Initially, when I decided to stop taking anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants, I did so under strict Doctor care because it is extremely dangerous to abruptly stop them, so please, seek medical assistance before doing so.

The first medication I stopped was Xanax. I beLIEved it was my savior in times when I would have extreme panic attacks – so bad that I would have to sit with my head between my legs while my husband would get a cold wash rag for the back of my neck  because I would feel like I was going to pass out. The attacks would be triggered after I had spent much time in my head participating in thoughts over and over and then the fear would become overwhelming as I would accept the emotional baggage of guilt and remorse.

The physical withdrawals from stopping caused my entire body to feel like it was at times vibrating at a high speed. I also experienced a sort of mental-paranoia where I wanted to isolate myself from my world and everybody in it. I also experienced physical symptoms of fever and chills on and off for a couple of months. I also had extreme insomnia in the beginning days of stopping, followed by days where I had to push myself to get out of bed.

What I’ve realized, is that xanax changes your mind only for a moment,  which is actually only suppressing the point, which does and will return for self to face.

When I stopped taking anti-depressants after being on them for 12 years, I did so by tapering off of them during a 3 month period. During that time I experienced anxiety in the daytime, insomnia at night, and the dreaded head symptoms, which vary individually – where one may experience vertigo, lightheadedness, difficulty with balance, blurred vision, tremors, restlessness and hallucinations, burning or tingling sensations in the skin, as well as flu like symptoms may be experienced for up to 3 months. I personally experienced some of all the above symptoms when I stopped.

The Most Important Part of my full recovery was/is walking the Desteni I Process and applying the tools they provide.  Without it, I would have never seen myself through to the point of a full recovery. I was also able to stop the use of at least 12 prescription medicines as well as stopping my addiction to cigarette and marijuana smoking, and, I was also able to stop an addiction to gambling.

It’s very important that one educate and investigate for themself each and every drug that one is considering starting, to be able to completely understand the damage that using them imposes on the physical body. Because the decision to pop a pill, or smoke a joint, or even have that drink, should not be taken lightly.  Desteni I Process is key because it assists one to understand and stop self-abusive patterns/behaviors.

One must understand that whatever we ‘think’ we’re avoiding by doing so – whether that reason be whether it be to ‘regulate sleep patters/avoid crippling fatigue’ and/or to ‘help keep the everyday emotional ups-and-downs of our children in perspective’ – whatever that justifying reason is, we must understand that the point will and does return. Depression is Not a disease, it is a conditioned pattern, a construct of our mind.

Thus whatever our means of avoiding self/distraction is – whether it be popping a pill or having that drink, (or even distracting ourself by way of entertainment) we are only prolonging the inevitability of the fact that we are here to face who we are and direct ourselves to redesign who we are to bring about a World according to what’s best for all.

Solution:
As a mom I know how moms think. And the truth is, as moms, we realize that popping a pill or drinking alcohol, or taking that illegal drug is not the solution for helping ourself raise our children. We see, realize and understand that the systems in place that make our world turn, like for instance the Education system and the Money System are Not providing the support we require in order to raise healthy mentally stable and responsible human beings.

One mom is quoted as saying that she has realized how “we’re just not wired’ to handle the demands of raising children”. I completely agree and this is so important…No one has ever taught us how to become responsible for ourself or our world. However, there is a course now available that assists the individual to begin to understand what’s really going on within their mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions – where one learns how to stabilize and direct themself, and, it’s FREE! . Suggest you check it out: DIP Lite

Many times before I tried to stop my addictive behaviors and when I couldn’t stop, I looked for someone to blame and existed in patterns of guilt.  It was only with the tools offered through Desteni that I was able to completely stop.  It’s been almost 6 years and I no longer have daily thoughts or desires to cope with the use of drugs, and, my panic attackes have completely stopped.  DIP Lite can assist with Real Self-Change because we are taught to understand why and how we have specific thought patterns within our mind and how to stop them.

So, it’s time we asked ourselfes how our behavior is teaching our children to become increasingly dependent upon an already abusive world/money system? And, what are we missing when we’re not ‘here’ in full capacity as breath? Why is it that we keep failing our children in that we are Not prepared to lead by example in creating a world that protects and provides for them? Why is it that we take actions to make ourselves feel better instead of supporting a world/money system that will support All Life, according to what’s best for All?

Reward:
When we create a world where fear and the struggle to survive life is eliminated through a system that supports everybody according to what’s best for all – we’ll stop searching for a way to ‘cope’, a way to ‘feel better’ – because Life itself will become one of ‘Give as you’d like to Receive’ – which will bring about an end to the feeling of self-sacrifice.

Day 205: I’m too old for this!

More than once when I was younger and my children were small my babysitter would cancel and I would have to take them over to my mother’s house so I could go to work. When I would arrive later to pick them up it was common for her to tell me: ‘I’m too old for this’!

I mean I heard her say that so many times, and every time she must have felt guilty for saying it because she would always add a reminder to me of how much she ‘loved’ her grandchildren, but that they were just about to much for her to handle, what with her already daily duties of keeping the house clean and cooking supper for her and dad.

Back then I never looked at her words as being part of a program, a constructed pattern within and as who she was as her mind. Instead I judged her for saying so and I remember experiencing myself within a sort of euphoric state of denial. Because within my programming, within my own mind of delusion, I was sure that I would never come to feel like and thus live as the words: ‘I’m too old for this’!

Little did I know or comprehend how in that moment of my participation in thinking that I would never come to feel like that, that I already was it. Already accepting and allowing myself to become the same preprogrammed design of and as my mind. And, here, years later and today I heard the inner proof of my self accepted programming when within my mind I heard myself say: ‘I’m too old for this’!

too old for this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a self-righteous moral attitude of superiority manipulating myself with excuses to not move myself, but to remain the same, stuck in my own fear hiding within a beLIEf system of self immortality and self-interest where I continue to argue for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on an imaginary picture of myself within my mind where I physically remain looking the same within the idea of myself as being ‘pretty as a picture’, and completely unaware of my physical behavioral movements and the reactions within myself as my mind participation and the damaging effects I am manifesting unto my physical body and physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the inner me is that which manifests the outer me as this world within which we experience ourself, thus, when I participate in back chat and/or an internal conversation of: ‘I’m too old for this’, that what I am really doing is reacting within and as an enery of anger, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I am experiencing myself is unique and that I am alone having to give up something special of myself and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that the inner conflict that exists within me is the inner conflict that exist within all other beings as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others within my world within a feeling of ‘importance’ where within that I don’t realize that such a reaction is actually towards a projection of an image/picture that exists within my mind reaching for greatness – thus, is Not in fact a real expression of me as who I am in/as my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest pain within and as me as my physical body within and as the back chat of: ‘I’m too old for this’ where I become physically stiff with my chest protruding out standing with a force that does nothing but enforce an energy of resistance, of self-sabotage and denial of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequence of defining who I am within the back chat of ‘I’m too old for this’ is that in doing so I’m walking my process for an individual want, need and desire and not really changing myself, only seeking to fulfill my own self-fulfilling prophecy therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within something that has become very automatic and convenient to keep myself deliberately in a state of self-controlled manipulation.

I commit myself to STOP this pattern of self-controlled manipulation because I know what to do to start changing, to start expanding and letting go of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and what the consequences are of doing so within myself and thus what I am accepting and allowing to continue as abuse within existence.

I commit myself to slow myself down and walk the self-corrective application of becoming clear in my communication as my words, my vocalization and my physical body movement to/towards others.

I commit myself to further investigating what wants and desires I’m still holding onto and excusing because of self-interest as that which I’ve continued to drag alongside of myself as I’m walking this Journey to Life so as to assist myself to be able to Stand and Direct myself according to what’s best for all.

Day 204: It is Time to Change

Yesterday I was gifted with an interview from Eqafe titled: It is Time to Change.

This was perfect timing for me, because I’ve been on a time loop for awhile now where what’ll happen is that I access an energy movement, and from there I’ll reference a moment from my past and then utilize it to condition myself in the present within my mind into a mental and physical condition / experience – until I cause myself to be completely immobile. Unfortunately I’ve repeated such behavior until at the end of the day I’ve usually completely sabotaged myself to the point where I feel completely overwhelmed and ultimately ashamed of myself for not pushing myself through the point of energy resistance.

Even now as I’m typing, I feel physically nauseous with resistance to continue. So, I can relate to what Anu refers to in the interview when he shares how one will experience a physical condition of limitation, of like being completely immobile in the back chat of: “I can’t do anything right now, it’s impossible”.

time to change
The process of change is through resistances. That I know to be true. Through applying the tools of Desteni I Process, pushing through the resistance and walking as a Group with Desteni, I’ve been able to stop not one but several addictive behaviors such as gambling, smoking pot and smoking cigarettes‘, as well as being able to stop taking of 11 highly addictive prescription medications.

So Yes, it is definitely Time to change, it is Time for me to get the hell off the time loop, to stop what has been months of resistance and self-sabotage. It’s time for me to Change, to Stand as Stable support to bring about a World that is supportive of all Life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time loop within the point of resisting to face who I am without any and all positive and negative energies for the fear of who I’ll be without them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the process of Life and Giving and Receiving and Walking in the shoes of another for granted within a self-righteous, holier-than-though attitude because the truth is I fear the shame in seeing what I have been willing to accept and allow to exist within this world. I fear taking responsibility for all life because I fear giving up having more than others because I am ashamed of the fact that I have believed that I deserve to have more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access an energy movement and within that reference a past moment to utilize in order to condition myself within my mind into a mental and physical state/condition experience where I become completely immobile within a point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of energy, be it negative and/or positive, and to from there sink into a despair of hopelessness all of which is how I manipulate myself to excuse and justify Not moving and pushing myself through the point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past and the future to talk myself into where I’ve come from and using it to manifest what is ahead for me in creating my present ‘condition’ within my mind where I eventually talk myself into even more limitation into a physical experience of being completely immobile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to linger in an energy experience that then goes into threads of excuses and back chat within my mind of, “I can’t do anything right now, it’s impossible”, and then justify reasons as to why I continue to argue for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself ‘putting off changing until tomorrow’ through justifying how and what I’m accepting myself as within the fear of who I’ll be if I do change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I’ve been resisting is the fear of facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to oppose me as my physical body within degrees of resistance for which I hold onto fear within the pit of my stomach.

I commit myself to stop giving in to resistance as fear.

I commit myself to Stop justifying my participation in the energy movements that keep me time looping and arguing for my own limitation.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a pattern of resistance which begins with a positive and/or negative energetic experience, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have walked similar energetic resistance before, thus I Stand within the decision to stop and direct myself to walk the self-corrective application to become a point of stability according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself stuck in a pattern of resistance to stop, breathe and move myself to write and forgive myself.

I commit myself to STOP using the past and the future to talk myself into where I’ve come from and using it to manifest what is ahead for me in creating my present ‘condition’ within my mind where I eventually talk myself into even more limitation into a physical experience of being completely immobile.

I commit myself to move myself within my physical reality to get things done that matter to my process of the Journey to Life.

I commit myself to changing who I am as a selfish inconsiderate greedy bitch to one who will Stand up for Life, who will never stop until every single living being is able to experience Life in a dignified manner according to what’s best for all.

I re-commit myself to my process of walking this Journey to Life to it’s fullest potential in seeing, realizing and understanding that I have this one Life to make every breath count to support real change for All Life through Equal Money Capitalism to bring about Heaven on Earth.
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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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