Tag Archive | zombies

Day 200: Predictive Programming: Killing Machines

killing machines
The Problem:

I was watching a movie last night and there was this scene that flashed real quickly showing 2 men on fire and then suddenly both were shot in the head. Just this evening I’m sitting here talking with my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter and I hear extremely loud machine gun sounds coming from the bedroom where her father was playing a video game where the object is to kill people using high powered and loud automatic simulated machine guns. All I could think of in both instances was: Predictive Programming.

The question is, how come we’re not asking ourselves why and how it is that we’re OK with occupying our senses and our imagination with the sounds and moving pictures where we become killing machines? How come we’re not taking self-responsibility for the violence that we accept and allow to be put into movies and video games and for the fact that our children are being taught how to become it?  How come we’re not concerned with our own lack of parenting and communication skills?

What is the intent of this kind of predictive programming? Definitely profit, and the means to Desensitize us, to convince us that war is OK and that the Nature of the human cannot change…

“Desensitization also refers to reduced responsiveness to actual violence caused by exposure to violence in the media.[8] Desensitization may arise from different sources of media including TV, video games and movies. Violence can prime thoughts of hostility with the possibility of affecting the way we perceive others and interpret their actions.[9] Research shows that initial exposure to violence in the media produces a number of aversive responses such as increased heart rate, fear, discomfort, perspiration and disgust. However, studies conducted show that prolonged and repeated exposure to violence in the media reduces or habituates the initial psychological impact until violent images do not elicit these negative responses. Eventually the observer becomes emotionally and cognitively desensitized to media violence. In an experiment to determine the effects on violent video games causing physiological desensitization to real-life violence, participants played either a violent or non-violent video game for 20 minutes. After that, they watched a 10 minute video containing real-life violence while their heart rate and galvanic skin responses were being monitored. The participants who played violent video games previously to watching the video showed lower heart rate and galvanic skin response readings compared to those who had not played violent video games displaying a physiological desensitization to violence.” Wikipedia

 

Is it possible we’ve already forgotten about the Sandy Hook massacre?

Is it possible that human nature can change? Yes.

The Solution:

We change our predictive programming. The entertainment industry is one of the most massive money makers that exist within our world today. Thus we already have the infrastructure in place for us as a humanity to change the nature of entertainment to one with a program that is best for all always. And, why would every parent accept their child to be taught anything less than to become the best human possible? We all know that we’re programmed in numerous ways where the outcome for the human is set to the tune of profit and greed and as a result, we’re literally creating our own extinction. It’s time to get real with a practical solution and one that Equal Money Capitalism will offer in a world where everyone’s basic living needs will always be taken care of.

The Reward:

We stop benefiting from the death of Life. We stop war and we stop killing. We become the best we can be because we are no longer putting a price tag on expressing and living and giving and receiving. We begin to for the first time hear and communicate effectively with our children where they know without a doubt that we see them, we hear them and we protect them. We become a living example of how the human Can Stop thoughts – which fuel emotions and feelings, which up till now have manifested and created the worst possible consequences – to one that supports life according to what’s best for All.

————

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

Investigate Equal Money Capitalism

Day 183: The bombs bursting in air

It’s known as one of the biggest days of the year for Oklahoma hunters – the deer gun season opened November 19th. We live about 11 miles from the nearest town, and for the last couple of days there has been a steady increase in the sound created by black powder rifles and muzzle loaders. I would describe the sound as more of a Boom than the crack one might expect to hear from that of a rifle.

We have 5 outside dogs and 2 inside dogs and the sound of what sounds like bombs bursting in the air frequently throughout the day is very frightening for them. They run and hide and have spent the entire day scared and anxious.

I’ve been paying close attention to my own reactions as well and I’ve noticed that every time I hear the boom I have a multitude of experiences that happen within me. Here I am going to investigate what exactly is going on within me and how to assist myself to stop and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within me when I hear the boom as the sound from those who are shooting the black powder rifles and muzzle loaders and how within that I realize that my fear is existent within the fact that the shooting is coming from an unknown origin, meaning,  I have no idea who is actually doing the shooting nor what they are shooting at, thus who I am within hearing the shots fired is left entirely to the imagination of me as my mind which I’ve accepted to be directed entirely by/as through fear and the experience of negativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought/image within my mind where one of my dogs is ducking for cover to save itself from being hunted and killed by the hunter and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself opening my front door and yelling into the air and toward the sound of the boom – that the hunter might somehow hear me say: ‘Stop it, have some consideration for the animals’, and within that I forgive myself for imaging that I might come face to face with the hunter to tell him to ‘stop being so ignorant, to consider what it would be like to be the animal he hunts’ – because when I put myself in the shoes of the hunter, I see myself in how I have existed in fear as the will to survive and how I’ve used that will to suppress myself to such an extent that I’ve not stopped to consider anyone except myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I hear the sound of the muzzle loader being shot and have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they’re fucking assholes’ and/or ‘that pisses me off’, it’s because within myself I am taking a negative experience of myself and using ego to turn it into a positive experience, through judging those who hunt and for believing myself as more superior than them, when in actuality, I feel inferior to them, and instead of investigating why and how it is that I feel inferior/superior, I avoid taking self-responsibility by projecting blame onto them because the fact is, I don’t want to see how I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as more than the animal that’s being hunted, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the memory I have of an experience I had when I was younger – where on more than one occasion and by different adults I was taught that the value of the human is far more superior that of the animal and how in that moment I made the decision and lived the decision and I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I to was more superior and more important than any animal that exists and for how guilty I have felt within myself for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I hear the boom sound of the muzzle loader/rifle being fired, that within me to the depths of my being for a split second, I become enraged, and as I look deeper within myself, I see that my anger is not with someone ‘out there’, my anger is within and as me – anger at myself for how I have neglected to take a long hard look at who I am as ego and greed, and for how I have taken pride in being able to buy and have and enjoy pretty much whatever I wanted, and never once within that did I stop to consider who had to suffer in order for me to live and have and exist as I have/do, nor have I ever taken full self-responsibility for who I am and how I have existed as within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when writing the words: ‘The bombs bursting in air’, to feel guilt and shame for the fear I felt when I heard gunshots, when the fact is, around our world millions are in threat of losing their life at any moment due to wars where explosives are killing women and children and destroying homes because war is good for economic growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for how as humans we display and parade around the results of our obvious abusive nature, expecting trophy’s from one another to represent our desire for prestige for the act of being a murderer of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through self-interest and greed I overlooked a most important point – the role that money plays in this deadly equation of the hunter and the hunted – that when we follow the trail of money we see that the human is in fact subject to the rules of money in his attempt to survive according to the rules of the system – where the animal to a certain extent is not, because the animal is able to provide for itself without a job and/or a cash advance, thus the animal is closer to being free, aware and far more intelligent than the human is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the overall discomforting feeling of tension within and as my physical body when I hear the firing of the guns are the result of what I accept and allow in that, when I accept and allow the death of another living being as the result of my own gross negligence in and as greed and self-interest, that I am in that moment accepting and allowing who I am as cancer itself to slowly grow within and as me and throughout our world/reality/existence.

When and as I see myself existing in fear when I hear the sound of gunshots I stop, I breathe – I commit myself to if possible investigate who and where the shots are being fired from and to educate myself to the goings on within my physical environment/world/reality.

I commit myself to realize that in every moment of breath I have the ability to direct myself to stop who I am in/as fear and to investigate my world/reality/existence as well as to investigate alternative ways to assist my animals to be comfortable and free from fear.

I commit myself to do everything I can to provide a safe and healthy environment for the animals I have accepted responsibility for.

I commit myself to an awareness of myself breathing thus when and as I see myself become irritated when I hear shots being fired and/or at my neighbor, that I will stop and realize that yelling out at anyone in anger is Not the solution, thus, I will myself through self-corrective application to first forgive myself so that I will see clear of anger and thus be able to assist others as myself.

I commit myself to focus on myself breathing so that I may realize what I’ve forgotten in that when I’m reACTING I’m hiding.

I commit myself to show that anger is the product of dANGER in how we have accepted and allowed our world to exist where life is a struggle to overcome the dangers of having no money with the results being that of death and starvation to thousands upon thousands.

I commit myself to when I experience myself as feeling ashamed that I stop and breathe and investigate who and what I’m existing as that I have justified as a reason to exist in and as shame.

I commit myself to in every situation where life is lost/starved/murdered to investigate the role that money plays in manifesting and creating it into our very existence.

I commit myself to show that war will Never be the solution for peace because to many have much to profit from war and that the real solution for peace will come with Equal Money.

Day 165: On the take

The point I’m seeing within myself and am applying self-forgiveness for is manipulation and the extent that I have seen that I will go in how I have manipulated myself and others in my attempt at surviving within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘on the take’, where I’ve lived my life always seeking to take from what is here yet never willing to give unconditionally to all that which I believed I had the right to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bombard myself with secret fears of giving in to the desires of my mind thus ‘taking from’ that which gives me life as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I am on the take I am willing to use, abuse and manipulate to get what I want when I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I will tell you what you want to hear to try and make you trust me and then I will swoop in and thank you for giving me that which you swore you would never let go of because that’s how evil lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I have one goal in mind and that is that I am always looking for ways to make money and I won’t care who has to go without in order for me to reach my goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am on the take I am accepting and allowing myself to be used up within a world/money system that plays us against each other and yet we don’t realizes the odds are always in favor of the world/money system as the win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spent my life always feeling like I had to look out for me and if that meant that I had to take from others then so be it, and within that not realizing that I was never actually living because I was constantly paying for the service of being able to live.

When and as I see myself thinking about ways to take from others instead of giving – I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that it is vital that I direct me as my mind instead of my mind directing me. Thus, I commit myself to stop existing in self-interest and greed and stop manipulating others and to instead ground myself here standing in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to facing who I am as the role that I play within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to slow myself down and stop allowing myself to rush through my life as I see, realize and understand that in my rushing I have been abusing myself and others as myself.

I commit myself to not give up on myself as I continue walking this process because I see, realize and understand how I have been manipulating myself in how I’ve been participating in thoughts of fear and frustration according to some recent pain and changes within and as my physical body.

Day 160: When Anger Hurts

I just woke up from a dream in which I saw myself in anger so vividly that I had to get up and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry in how as Americans we actually spend time talking about and believe that there is a Presidential candidate to pick from that will make a difference within our world – where an actual change will occur within our current world/money system. When we have clearly seen how 44 Presidents later and here we are, and not one has been able to bring an end to war or poverty and starvation, and that those atrocities, are not even the top 3 issues that we are concerned about resolving.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that instead of answering hard questions, like why do the majority of us continue to work our asses off to support the minority who have all the money, and why is it we’re alright with spending the evening hearing the same lies over and over about how things will change – when in fact, there is No real solution given that will actually assist to bring about real change – the kind of change that brings an end to all suffering.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I’m angry that money and whether we’ll have enough of it is always on our mind – so much so that we’ve become the human race, where the rules are that we must compete with each other to survive, and that’s all we do.

I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry for the mess we’ve made of our world, and how our children are the ones who will be left holding the bill, a debt they can never repay,  and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we expect acts of bravery from our children when we’ve not a clue what it really means to be courageous – the kind of courage it takes to Stand up for and as All as One as Equal.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that I lied to my children when I said I believed in freedom when clearly the only free is in the dumbing down of those of us who work day in and day out only to be a paycheck away from homeless and hungry and,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

feel the shame in anger as I have witnessed the heartache of survival through the lives of those who have gone before me, where life is lived where one is either rich and getting richer, or poor and hoping to survive another day.  And,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how,

I am angry that as parents we have accepted a money system that doesn’t care if the newborn baby just born unto this world will have food, clean water, healthcare, an education, or even a home, because we’ve not taken the time to investigate the solution where Heaven on Earth can be a reality for us all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swell up inside myself in sorrow for the anger I see I’m existing as, and for how when I hear myself say the word anger,  I see how I have defined anger as that which I have come to ‘manage’, where within me, I store anger away so that I can continue to accept, allow and continue to support the existence of abuse within our current world/money system where the  rich profit off the suffering of the poor and how we actually tell ourselves that we’re ok with that.

Thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anger only hurts when we use it against ourself and each other, therefore, I commit myself to stop suppressing who I am as anger because I see, realize and understand that anger will assist me to direct myself in common sense according to and in support of a system where life is given honor in accordance to what’s best for all.

Day 159: The Dirty Little Secrets in Anger

For context read: Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why
Self-Commitment Statements to Stop who I am as anger

When and as I see myself existing within the energetic swirls of anger, I stop, I breathe.  I see, realize and understand that any perception that I may have of being angry toward another is just a flat out illusion because in reality, I’m angry at myself,  and therefore it is vital that I breathe and investigate what’s going on within me that’s causing me to want to find fault in whoever it is that is next in line for me to blame for the bad experience I’m having of myself,  because the fact is, anger is like a ticking time bomb,, an accumulation of moments where I’ve suppressed, compounded and completely avoided taking self-responsibility for myself according to how and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the dirty little secrets in anger because I see, realize and understand that anger is a cover up for the parts of me that exists in/as ego which manifest within this world as the horrors that I fear admitting I am a responsible for/as.

I commit myself to Stop anger as my path of preTense where I accept and allow tension to flow through me as my physical body while I pretend to be a survivor of and separate from the madness that exists within our world while I use anger as the tool to generate emotional conflict within myself which compounds into my flesh and bone as that which I’ve long ignored as it fuels the acceptance and allowance of who and what I exist as as who I am through and as the direction of and as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to show how anger is a direct reflection of what I hide in shame of in fear that I’ll be called on to claim my fame for how the inner me is mirrored as how the outer world represents me as all the while trying to convince myself that there is no way that I am directly responsible for the wars and greed that exist within and as the minds of men when in fact, I know that I cannot deny that I am responsible for how our world exists.

I commit myself to stop what I have denied as who I am as the reaction I become in/as guilt which I defend in/as anger because I fear the shame in admitting my denial because I see, realize and understand that that which I dish out is exactly what I will receive, and for the things that I accept and allow to happen unto another, I accept and allow to happen unto me thus, I commit myself to Never forget the mathematical equation within the principle of equality.

I commit myself to breathe and investigate who I am in/as anger, because I see, realize and understand that anger is an inner suppression based on blame, shame, regret, guilt and ego, where within myself I fear what I see I have accepted and allowed, where I have believed that I have the  inability to direct my life and take self-responsibility for the dishonesty that I’ve existed as – because within the secrets of my mind I use excuses to not see what it is that makes me unhappy and full of anxiety and thus, I constantly place responsibility on someone else, instead of standing up and directing myself to take responsibility for myself and every single living being, therefore, I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to support an Equal Money system which will support every living being according to what’s best for all.

Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am as the anger I suppress in fear that I may become it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often feel incredibly angry and I don’t know why even though I realize the anger within me is me, yet I still resist and refuse to see who I am as it because I fear if I come face to face with me as the anger that I feel toward myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed that I will surely die of shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking within myself to see the starting point of why it is that I experience emotional waves of anger and then believe my own fear that if I go there and touch the anger that I will realize the truth of me, of what I have accepted and allowed and that I will lose myself forever.

I forgive myself for the fact that even as I sit here writing, exposing the anger I fear deep within me, that I can feel a hardening sensation as if a warning that says to me to stop, do not pass by this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as anger hang out within my mind in and as my past because in my past i was able to fool myself into believing that someday I could change the world, which is just another way for me to energize my ego and keep myself stuck in emotional games within and as the secrets of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I have practically lived in this world that I’ve made up where my entire  life has been about me making up fantasy worlds within my mind where the sole purpose has been to boost who I am as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a world where life is fun and everyone is safe and happy and then suddenly anger appears and I see how the picture perfect setting is missing life itself and I realize how I’ve always missed the gift that one gives to self when one forgives the dream and stands in and as the honesty of self to take self-responsibility for and as all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I am angry and I don’t know why when the fact is I have been in fear of who I am as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for fooling myself into believing that living in fear of what others will think of me is easier that getting real with myself and facing who I really am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely pissed off at myself that I have spent my whole life completely ignorant to and abusive of that which allows me life as me as my physical body.

to be continued

Day 148: Babies having Babies


Florida teen, 14, charged with first degree murder

A 14 year old Florida teen, is charged with first degree murder after she gives birth in the family bathroom – strangles her 9 1/2 pound baby boy and hides his body in a shoe box that she dumps in the bottom of her closet and covers it with dirty laundry. Her mother finds the baby days later cleaning her daughters closet and claims she never even knew her daughter was pregnant – even though her closest friends had questioned her the entire summer as to why her daughter was gaining weight.

Everything about this story screams out to us as a humanity to ask ourselves what the hell are we accepting and allowing when the world we exist in continues to FAIL our children.

How much more suffering will it take before we each one stand up and take responsibility for the fact that we have failed to communicate, educate or even behave in a humane manner to each other and the children we claim to be raising.

Generation after generation, children are becoming the fear product of who we are as parents running around trying to make it within a money system that thrives on competition and greed, and the fact remains, the children are the ones that suffer. It’s time we all took responsibility for these crimes against life that are occuring daily.

The majority of us, we bow down to the ‘rich and famous’. Hell, we pay their salary and dream of becoming them as we sleep walk through our enslaved lives. All the while barely paying any attention to the children we’re bringing into this mess we refer to as life.

Can you imagine being a baby born into our current world/money system to the likes of us as the parents we’ve become. Supporters of our own Enslavement

That’s the Hell of it, it’s what is happening…

Support the Solution: Equal Money

Day 130: The Evil That Men Do

For Context please read the following:
Farming rhinos – –
Forget cocaine: Rhino horn is the new drug of status – –

“The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” ~ Joseph Conrad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the depth of fear I have to/toward that which I’ve only begun to understand, which is the acts of man as the Mind of Consciousness, where most disturbingly, our abuse to animals in how we have reduced them to becoming a commodity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how money is the motivating factor within 99.9 % of all abuse, war, torture and death and how the single act of supporting an Equal Money system can and Will bring 99.9% of all abuse, war, torture and death to an end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the belief in finding cures for disease and illness through abuse and/or the death of another will Never result in the Solution for and as Life.

I forgive myself for not realizing how deadly the animal relationship to human is in the servant master relationship as that which we have accepted and allowed within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the depth of my dishonesty, in how I have schemed and looked for others to fail so that I could earn more Money than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in my desire to look and ‘feel good about myself’, I never considered at what cost to the animal were my so-called dreams of looking younger and pretty, all the while clueless as to who had to suffer and/or die in order to produce the products I desired.

I forgive myself for not realizing how in-denial I’ve been throughout my life in that I have been so consumed in the race to get and buy, that I never saw the extent of torture, pain and death that I accepted and allowed others to experience because I was too absorbed in/as self-interest and greed and never considered the life of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I react to the evil within this world through anger, spite and hate, that I am in-fact existing as the same as that which I perceive myself as being different from, therefore, I commit myself to forgive myself for who I am within the senseless torture, mutilation and death to/of animals for profit and gain and, I commit myself to change myself from within and to in self-honesty walk as a living example of change supportive of and as life, to thus bring about Heaven on Earth through Equal Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have existed as the evil that lives and walks upon this earth, and how I see, realize and understand that evil can only exist because I have given permission for it to, thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as consciousness, and to support a world where All living beings are suppported with the utmost dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I cannot undo that which I’m guilty of, however, I can through self-forgiveness begin to change that which I’ve accepted and allowed, thus, breath by breath, I commit myself to educate myself and investigate the inner workings of myself as my mind in order to stop the evil within so as to stop manifesting the evil that men do as our world, to take responsibility for and to redesign Our World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for not comprehending and realizing the physical expression of nature and animals, and for not realizing what it is I am to learn from/as them in order to realize who I am as life, thus, I commit myself to apply myself within and as compassion and patience so as to bring forth from within myself an understanding of what it really is to stand up for and as All living beings Equally.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have lived my life as a Character of Expectation of/as my mind and as that, I’ve not been willing to give that which I have expected to receive, therefore, I commit myself to give unto others as I would like to receive, which is the ability to provide for my physical body with a home, food, clean water, an education and healthcare and, the ability to share one’s self-expression free from fear within a World System that supports All Life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how the world will only change when real change begins first within, thus I commit myself to let go of expectations, competition, greed and the desire to have and be more, and, through self-forgiveness I commit myself to breathe as I walk self-change together as a group, neighbor for neighbor.

“I commit myself to when I see that I am criticising others and blaming others in relation to my expectations not being met to accept and allow myself to slow down as I now see, realise and understand that I had created my experience of disappointment within and as myself where my expectations were not met, not seeing realising and understanding that I was the one that created the ideas / beliefs within and as myself and now that they are not manifesting I am blaming others, when it is in fact I that should investigate the ideas and beliefs that I had created within and as myself as I held onto the ideas and beliefs in hope and in dictating that they should become manifest and through this I commit myself to see, realise and understand that if I have ideas and beliefs how I would like others to behave to instead creating expectations within and as myself of others / self to manifest these ideas / beliefs to instead walk the physical timeline, look at the physical consequences and determine whether these ideas / beliefs are standing what is best for all in all ways.” ~Esteni De Wet

Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama
– –

I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s’, and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued