Tag Archive | illness

Day 294: You Can have your Apple and Eat the Seeds too! – Day 2: How Rational is your Fear?

appleseeds2

*****************************************************************************

For Further Context: Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

***************************************************************

Great video below about Vitamin B17 case histories:

 Vitamin B17,laetrile case histories;lung, colon, breast, prostate

Link provided below to the reference I made in this podcast about how finally Big food brands are getting nervous, because their sales of processed, packaged foods have dropped considerably: 

Consumers’ new eating habits are hurting Big Food’s profits

Advertisements

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

what's stopping you

****************************************************************

For Further Context: Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Sitting here to write about this particular emotional fear energy isn’t something that I want to do. In fact, I’ve become very good at avoiding this point all together by way of one distraction after another until wham! Seemingly out of nowhere I will experience more pain in my upper back / chest area and that pain seems to trigger an experience of emotional fear energy.  Where I would become so influenced by the energy that I wasn’t able to see what was contributing to and thus creating the thing in the first place.

Emotional Fear Energy

When I’m in that emotional fear energy, it’s like a dark wave comes over me and within that the personal realization and seriousness of my situation comes to surface.  My situation being that I have Cancer, and that it may very well be the thing that kills me.

When I was first diagnosed with Cancer, almost 2 years ago, that was when this particular Emotional Fear Energy pattern was ignited, or more appropriately, that’s when it was first triggered. And I mean, I’m sure we all have this pattern within us and will have to face it because I mean everyone will face their own mortality at some point.

So how can one assist and support themselves to stop this particular emotional fear energy?  This I will be sharing assistance for with this blog and blogs to come.

I knew from the beginning when I first made the decision and firm committment to myself and my physical body to get well and become Cancer free through alternative means and diet and I knew I was beginning what would be a long journey. So, I’m still applying the same alternative treatments that I planned almost 2 years ago and they’re still proving to be very effective. My Physical Body is responding very well in that the Cancer is still diminishing. But even still, there’s no way of knowing for sure the toll that all of it will have on my Physical body,  or even if it will ultimately help me to be Cancer free.

So what’s been going on is for almost 2 years I  accepted and allowed this particular emotional fear energy pattern-  that I can only describe as debilitating – to be the reason why I reach for things to distract myself from what’s really go on within myself,  and instead,  what I do is sort of freeze inside,which is really a way of suppressing myself.   I also go into a waiting game within myself as if I’m giving up on myself.

Alright so, when I participate in and as this particular emotional fear energy I’m not able to see what it is attached to.   The only thing I know for sure is with the energy comes a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Tears will some time swell up, and sometimes, I allow myself to cry, and it’s a deep hard cry. But mostly, I stick to distracting / suppressing myself so as to not look at / investigate what the fear is really attached to.

So the Eqafe interfiew that I heard called: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias, resonated with me and assisted me to realize what’s been going on within me which is a Fear of Losing Control. Identifying this one thing has assisted me to better understand what’s been contributing and creating the emotional fear energy which and has assisted me with a clearer perspective,  which causes the energy itself to lose it’s illusion of control and power over me.

Before,  when the energy would be triggered,  there was no sense to be made of it, so it was as if I would sort of tumble into and as the energy and become fully engulfed in my imagination and basically interpret my fear experience as that of fearing death and dying.

So to Stop Emotional Fear Energy one must first be able to define what one is fearing and when one can do that then one will be able to begin to direct oneself to stop the control the fear had on oneself.    And for me this is huge!

Because I mean since being diagnosed with Cancer, I’ve seen some changes that my physical body has gone through. And within that are the realization that any day the Cancer could spread and get worse and, what will I do if that happens.  and what if my body begins the process of dying’? Will I be aware of it if / when that happens? Will I ultimately lose the use of my bodies facilities? And can I overcome embarrassment if that were to happen? Will my body become ugly or deformed in some way, and if so, will my partner still want to be with me?

So to be clear,  I’ve been able to identifytjat the fear is about what my physical body will have to endure and so what I will have to endure with regards to the physical process of dying.  Any deterioration process.  The decay, the physical pain and suffering, any and all experiences that my physical body may go through – that’s what I’m referring to, that’s what I fear losing control of.  And now that I’ve been able to identify this point,  I’m already seeing my ability to stop accepting and allowing the emotional fear energy to overpower me.

I’m also investigating how I’ve accepted and allowed ‘avoidance’ and ‘despair’ to play a role in me not having the endurance to stand up to this fear of losing control which itself leaves me with the illusion of an inability to direct myself effectively to forgive and release myself of the emotional fear energy experience.  More on these in blogs to come.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach emotional fear energy to having Cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind attach the word cancer to emotional fear energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the effects of cancer on my physical body to the emotional fear energy within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to accept and allow myself to go into emotional fear energy is doing the very thing to myself as my Physicalbody that I am fearing the cancer will do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare my cancer story to those who have survived their cancer story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and unmotivated by the emotional fear energy that I have associated with having cancer and with which I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to causing myself to want to give up.

I commit myself to when and as I see emotional fear energy come up in relation to cancer and what having it might do to me, I stop. Instead I direct myself to Breathe and focus on remaining realistic with regards to any and all fears and / or symptoms that may come up from moment to moment and to Not compare my cancer story to those who have survived cancer and to understand that in reality the process of alternative cancer care will have physical symptoms and/or reactions that are Not life threatening and are only a part of the healing process.

Suggested Eqafe Interview: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias

******************************

For Further Context Read:

Day 289: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – that sinking feeling that comes with the giving up experience – Day 42

Day 288: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Giving up, Giving in, or Both? – Day 41

Day 290: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – stopping emotional reactions to myself – Day 43

******************************

Day 291: What’s worth giving for?

When I was growing up as a kid I wasn’t able to see my biological father every day and so as a kid, I barely knew him. Mostly I knew him as this person who I ‘thought’ about alot in my head. I wanted to have the kind of father-daughter relationship that I heard my friends speak of and when that didn’t happen, I made up scenario’s in my head about what that might look and feel like. Growing up I spent one week out of every year with him and for the longest time I felt robbed of something and eventually, I blamed him and became very angry and resentful at him for not living up to how and what I ‘thought’ a dad should behave and act like.

So for most of my life the relationship that I had with my biological father was one that I had made up within and as my mind. Eventually, after one failed marriage and the impending collapse of my second one, I took a trip to see my father and for the first time I was able to share with him how I had thought and felt about him throughout my life.
worth giving for
An interesting thing that came to be in that moment – of what must have seemed to him like brutal self honesty being thrown at him from every direction – was that I for the first time realized that the entire ‘idea’ about him that I had participated within and as in my head, couldn’t have been more wrong. I remember watching his every move while I was sharing with him and was taken back by the man standing before me who never took his eyes off of me while I spoke. It was like he was intent to hear every word I said and I can only describe him as displaying an elegance as he quietly within himself seem to take responsibility for how I had felt and experienced myself with regards to him.

And it was an interesting moment because within a small moment of awareness between us, I was able to forgive him and in the process forgive myself. It would be years later before I would come to see, realize and understand that it was never about forgiving him, it was always about forgiving myself. And I mean, he offered no apologies, and as it turned out I didn’t need an apology. What I needed from him was what he gave me when he took responsibility for being who he was, and it forever stopped and changed the nature of our relationship.

Alright so that was many years ago and since then him and I have kept in touch, however, since we live hours from each other it’s been difficult to see him as much as I would have liked to. So when I was diagnosed with cancer a year and a half ago, him and I began to speak on the phone often, and over the course of the last year we’ve gotten to know each other free from judgments, blame, shame and /or guilt. Which is cool because when you remove feelings and emotions from the equation what you get is a stable meaningful and assisting relationship. That’s how our relationship has been developing and we would talk about lots of things like money for instance, and about how hard it is to survive in this world.

He knew the challenges of making ends meet in a money system that is obviously broken. Nevertheless, he worked hard and made a good living working in a machine shop that built airplane parts for a major corporation for many years. Unfortunately there were very few regulations back then with regards to protecting the skilled laborer and so he was exposed to breathing extremely fine metal shavings which over time accumulated and the result was irreversible lung damage.

So 10 years ago he was diagnosed with severe lung damage and already outlived the amount of time the doctors first predicted he’d have left to live. During that 10 year time span, the Doctors prepared him for how the end of his life would most likely happen – congestive heart failure and possible kidney and/ or organ failure do to the meds to reduce the fluid build-up that comes with having poor lung function / congestive heart failure.

So unfortunately he’s been in and out of the hospital over the past few months and his quality of life has been deteriorating daily, but even so, what I was aware of the last time that him and I spoke was how he spoke with a quiet resolve.

The last time him and I spoke was about a month ago, and this morning my dad passed away.

I will miss him. I will miss our chats. And, I am grateful that him and I came together as we both faced illness and our fear of death and dying. When we would speak, the tone of his voice held no feel of judgment. Maybe that’s what allowed him the gentleness that came through in his nature during his last months here which really assisted me to see, realize and understand what’s worth giving for, which is Life. That whatever it takes, LIFE must Not be experienced as a suffering by anyone, and to ensure that doesn’t happen ever again, we Give to All,  that which we would want given to ourself.

***************

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place all my trust in Love instead of the common sense of living in ways that is practically best for all life and thus best to be the foundation of all relationships in all ways.

I commit myself to reform the foundation of love to be the result of effective common sense living in a practical measurable way where all cards are always on the table and no thoughts exist that are hidden that could lead to justification and judgments that will end up in break-ups purely because the self interest of feeling was measured to be worth more that the integrity and respect of self honest living.

I commit myself to hold only life as worthy and holy and to reform all relationships on earth to that which respect and protect life in all ways necessary.

I commit myself to reform the understanding of the place and use of the mind and thinking to its rightful place as a tool with which to design living patterns of flesh as self that is best for all life and not allow myself the compromise to regard the mind as more than life and as a tool that has rights that overshadow life.” Bernard Poolman

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

2012 – Women – Kickin the belief in God

I had some interesting perspectives shared with me today at two different doctor’s offices where I had to return to for follow up visits. One of the nurses, who I’ve known for a few years, began to talk about how strange bacterias and illnesses have become and how difficult it’s been for many to get well after having had a virus and, how many have not recovered and/or have lost loved ones to death, suddenly and unexpectedly.

She said how strangely enough, this has caused her to question her beliefs. Specifically, her belief in God and religion. She said it seemed to her that the only reason people have needed religion/God in the first place, is because of their fear of death, and that really, all death does is, is a way promote fear and that fear seems to promote self interest.

Wow, that was cool to hear and I sat quietly and continued to listen as I’d never heard her speak that way. She went on to say that she wasn’t exactly sure how, but she was sure that religion and the whole idea of a God all began as a means of us wanting to control each other.

She started to say something else, but was then paged to take a phone call and as she was leaving the room, she paused and thanked me, saying that she could tell that I was actually hearing her…

As I entered the office where my second doctor’s appointment was, there were two nurses who were having a similar conversation about religion and God. They were talking about how human limitation is linked to the examples we had as children and how mostly, those examples consisted of God/Religion and/or fear, and that, basically, it’s all the same. They said as far as they were concerned, God/Religion was nothing more than a way to control people and that they were seeing how God/Religion is slowly losing it’s hold on people.

They then began to talk about death and one of them looked at the other one and at me and asked: Can you remember how old you were and where you were when you first realized that life dies? It was at that moment, that I was summoned back to see the Doctor and man, I hated leaving the interesting conversation.

I do remember the day though – the day that I overheard my parents talking with the next door neighbors about death: I was 5 1/2 years old. I remember that it took me awhile to think about their meaning of death, being that when we die, we will no longer exist here on earth. At five years old, I was just beginning to notice myself, so death didn’t really make much sense to me because, within me, it was as if I was always going to be here. I just didn’t get how it is that life is something that can just go away.

With all of the culture of silence that surrounds death and dying, I learned very quickly not to ask many questions about death because my questions simply went unanswered. People were scared to death about dying and absolutely no one wanted to talk about it.

The first time I began to have an awareness of my fear of death was when I was 9. I was sitting in a church, and the pastor of the church began to speak of heaven and hell – how the only way to Not go to hell was to ask for God’s forgiveness for our sins. At nine years old I wasn’t clear what horrible sins I had committed and even though the whole story of death and God and heaven and hell didn’t make any sense to me – I became willing to believe in a God and a heaven, simply because of the fear in the idea of going to some fiery hell.

As I got into my teenage years, I began to find it odd that people I’d known my whole life – who had only ever prayed before holiday dinners – were now getting older and they feared death so, suddenly, God had become important to them. I began to wonder if it would change how accepting people were of war and violence if they were to become able to embrace the reality of their own fear of death.
All I really knew was that no one on earth is in control of their lives and no one questioned how come life dies…

Consider that all of the fears and doubts and judgments, and all the goddamn competitions and hate we secretly hold within ourself against each other, whether quietly or not so quietly, which only appears to remain unseen – that maybe, just maybe it’s all that shit within us – that’s what is manifesting within and as how our world currently exists. Such as in the money wars, where we don’t or won’t question how come we’re ok with people starving to death and living on the streets without a home.

Many people have never challenged the belief systems they were taught as children so when an answer comes, they attack it, instead of stopping and considering to – for a moment – give up all the knowledge we’ve given value to, and prove our-self as life.

Now, as I’ve been walking the Desteni process of self-forgiveness and facing myself in self-honesty, I’m slowly beginning to understand that maybe death is only as real as the abuse we allow to exist within us which has an accumulative affect upon our physical body and, ultimately, manifests within and as our physical reality.

Maybe people really are beginning to challenge and stop their belief systems – for sure we at Desteni are and, we’re realizing that the best way to do that is to stop the systems altogether and forgiving self for accepting them in the first place without even investigating who self is within them.

One thing I know for sure is that the women of this world have it within them to stand up and “Stop” the abuse that’s being accepted and allowed and to change themselves and thus assist in changing this world.

For further perspective on death and the afterlife, suggest the following:

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 1

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 2

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 3

Investigate how Equal Money will assist us in bringing about a world where all life may exist in dignity. EqualMoney.org

Hippocratic Oath Reinstated by an Equal-Money-System

Altruism currently surrounds ‘The Hippocratic Oath’  as merely a belief demonstrated through our current education system and exists for profit according to our current money system.  The selfless concern for the welfare of others defined as altruism in our current system only stands as a symbolic way of obtaining self-satisfaction and does not uphold what is really best for all. 

The Hippocratic Oath must be reinstated to constitute trust between patient and physician and obligate the physician to keep patient information confidential, to avoid mischief and sexual misconduct, and to give no harmful and/or lethal agents.  Within our current system, managed care has forced physicians to balance the interests of their individual patients with the interests of other patients in the system (rationing of care and constraining cost) and often place the physician in a position where the needs of his patients are in conflict with his own financial interests.

‘The Hippocratic Oath’  as it has been, hasn’t been effective to make anyone act in the best interest of the patient simply because it exists because, people act in the best interest of a themselves when they believe there is a benefit to them to do so, instead of according to what’s best for all.  To benefit all, an Equal Money System will allow all to receive Equal Money in order to care for themselves properly as well as provide all an Education and receive adequate health care.

It’s simple, in our world one in not able to receive adequate health care unless one has money.  No money to pay for services, no services are rendered. In an Equal Money System ‘The Hippocratic Oath’ will be reinstated and redefined according to the Principle of Equality, where ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’, is lived one and equal.

Please visit the Equal Money System Forum @ http://equalmoney.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=96&t=3119&p=4470&hilit=*Cathy#p4470  to assist as we continue taking on this point.  Thanks

Oath

Support Equal Money Here

 

‘The Book’, Coming Sept. 11, 2011

Reserve Your Copy Here