Tag Archive | life after death

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Advertisements

Day 123: God’s Will Is A LIE

After an evening with my partner, watching a movie, the following Self-forgiveness was inspired while hearing the numerous ‘praise & worship’songs scattered throughout the movie.

I forgive myself for not realizing how what I was looking for – when I submitted to the character of and as my mind as the ‘take me just as I am mindset’ – was that of hope in something greater than the perception I had of myself, thus, I pretended to not see the bloodshed of thousands upon thousands who suffer and die daily as I justified death as “The Will of God“, because the fact is blood is shed in our acceptance of our world/money system which glorifies profit over that which is real as our Physical Body and our Earth as this Physical “Reality, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the love of God made me ‘special’, ‘just as I am’, not realizing that when Man speaks, God speaks, because “The Will of God” is “The Will of Man”, as the creator of our reality, as the choices we accept and allow.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the lamb of God was like a guilt offering that I sought for to relieve me of my own guilt for abdicating myself from life within the beLIEf that “The Will of God” would redeem me from that which I feared the most which was me as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that “The Will of God” is actually the will of the mind as consciousness and another word for ownership and possession wherein our secret mind we allow ourselves to manipulate relationships to gain more money as possessions within feelings and emotions and experiences where we boost our ego and then refer to what we accomplish as “The Will of God.”

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I praised “The Will of God”, I was actually praising the illusions of and as my Mind and desensitizing myself to the reality of how life exists within an abusive world/money system and as long as I accepted “The Will of God” as real, then I could momentarily avoid facing myself and my responsibility, and for awhile I was able to avoid myself and ignore the suffering and pain of others, until one day I could not, thus I see, realize and understand that eventually we can no longer run from that which we are, and inevitably we will have to face who we’ve become as our mind as ego, self-interest and greed, thus to see little by little how everything we’ve ever believed in, has been a LIE, and we let go and we Stop and we breathe. We forgive ourself and we realize that we can no longer live the Lie, thus, I commit myself to stop fighting for Life and to instead Support Life in Supporting Equal Money.

I commit myself to have the courage to live self-honesty and to show that if I’m able to stop and face myself and support a world according to what’s best for All, then anyone can.

I commit myself to Stop “The Will of God“, which is Man as Greed, Self-interest and Ego, and to show how the only valid purpose for being here is to establish a world that is best for All Life in All ways.

I commit myself to show how the lies we’ve taught our children – including those with regards to “The Will of God” – throughout our history enforces reactions to fear and survival and how in an Equal Money System children will be taught common sense life skills according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how when profit is taken out of the equation and we produce goods and services within the starting point of what’s best for All life, including nature, animals and our physical reality of/as planet earth, we’ll see how with Equal Money – there will never be a reason for anybody to suffer at the hands of profit and/or self-interest and greed.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money will for the first time in the History of Man provide effective support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how the “Will of Self as Life” wherein All Life exists according to that which is Best for All is the Desteni of MANKIND.

“I commit myself to show that Jesus understood the Word as Life as Living flesh, but also understood that the Human was Not Ready to Realize until all is Lost, and the End of Life is Certain. We have Reached that Time – and Each will Face a Final choice which will be proven as the Living Flesh and Only those as the Living Flesh that Live what is Best for All Life as Neighbours, will enter Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

—–

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 84: I ‘Can’ Stop This Feeling Inside Of Me

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blogs: ~
Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –
Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me – –

When and as I see myself becoming automated in/as words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions where I as my mind as consciousness seeks to continue in subjecting a child to how we have Built a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity, I Stop. I breathe. I commit myself to let go of emotional manipulation in an attempt to feed my ego in my attempt to seek for a feeling that I believed is me.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself and others in my attempt to seek and find something and/or someone to serve purpose for me in achieving a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself and others to receive that which doesn’t actually exist, as I see/realize and understand how seeking/searching for a feeling that I believe is me, is actually me acting in/as memories/characters/personalities, in and as thoughts of/as my parents mind, in/as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to become aware of and stop myself in how I participate in thought patterns in/as my mind, which I build up inside me to a need for ‘feeling’ energy experience within me, which is actually a point of self-sabotage, because I’ve seen and been aware of the specific pattern, but only now have been willing to face the point of where I react within my world to/toward my partner and my children only slightly, keeping a ‘low flame’ so to speak, until finally I suppress myself to the point of erupting, which is then when I begin to seek/search for a feeling to direct me instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself attempting to be the perfect someone, through attempting to please others through manipulation in/as a deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that I am not here to manipulate and/or please others because in doing so I am living a religion of self, therefore, I commit myself to no longer be the pleaser, and to instead Stand as the equalizer of/as me in self-honesty, to see to it that I am able to become a living example of equality and oneness in supporting a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to establish a clear understanding within myself – to assist and show how we have only ever existed in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system – and how as a mind consciousness system, we have essentially developed/created and manifested energy according to and from it’s relationship to/as our physical bodies, and that basically, we’ve always existed dependent upon the control of/as a system.

I commit myself to stop myself from bowing down to the current state of affairs existent within and as our world, wherein I’ve become the living example as less than the dog who begs his owner for a bone to suck on, as a way of pacifying myself to not see what I’m accepting and allowing to continue within this world – instead, I Stop – I breathe, I stand up on my own two feet, equal and one to what is here and say no more to the cruelty of our current money system, no more to poverty, starvation, war and murder – to show how we as humans Can Walk ourselves through to/in/as a point of self-trust – where we will then be able to support a world where All living beings experience a quality of life living in dignity according to a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to be the stable foundation I require to support myself as my physical body, with writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-honesty and Desteni I Process, as I see/realize and understand the gift I give to self in doing so, and, I comprehend how one will only seek to fill that which one is not receiving from self in/as self-intimacy, thus in walking self through in/as self-corrective application self becomes intimately aware of/as self, in/as this process of walking the Journey to Life through Self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to continue investigating and supporting who I am as my physical body, to further see/realize and understand how that to disregard who we are as our physical body, shows us how we are willing to accept and allow poverty, starvation, war, rape and murder to exist, because how can we begin to honor and care for the physicality of everything and everyone, if we’ve not yet understood the conditioning we’ve accepted and allowed within and without as who we are as our physical body.

I commit myself to support that which matters most as me as my physical body and our physical reality in seeing/realizing and understanding the extent of influence and impact that our entire world systems operate and, in how what happens on our earth will have an impact on everyone equally and thus it’s imperative that we as a humanity come together in caring and sharing what is here given from Earth to All here Equally.

I commit myself to support myself to show how who we are as our physical bodies within our physical reality, is all that we can actually trust, thus, in supporting an Equal Money system, we’re supporting life in trusting that which is real, our physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within a particular position of defense where I align my position of defense according to how I manipulate and abuse others through my words and/or the way I move my physical body in order to achieve that which I ‘believe’ is rightfully mine as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teeter to and from and within positive and negative points of polarity in/as a memory of feeling less than, and experiencing more than – where within that I will justify and manipulate others into giving me a false sense of meaning to reach that which I’m searching for as a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in searching for a feeling that I believe is me, situate myself within my own little world where everything revolves around me getting and possessing things for myself as I search for ways to secure and protect that which I believe will assist me in searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body according to lines of thought within my mind wherein I compete and seduce others through how I stand and move me as my physical body in order to get what I want, thus, I forgive myself for existing in/as inner dishonesty which I manifest within and as me as my physical body – where the outer me acts in character as the MEmory/personality and thoughts within and as the inner me as my mind as consciousness, as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I’ve become an automated system of actions within my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body for sex as a weapon against men in order to get my way to what I want which is to satisfy my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the extent of the damage I cause to my internal organs within me as my physical body when I participate within and as energetic experiences created in and as my mind in order to fulfill my searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as energetic experiences in how I participate within my world through/as and within my relationships in order to feel alive within a world where I’ve not only been branded in what and where to spend money to support the mess of what is here, but I’ve also been the one giving my seal of approval within my constant searching to feel good within our current world/money system – where I have stood by in ego and greed and accepted and allowed what is here to continue, instead of taking self-responsibility because in self-honesty, I see clearly how what is here, is Not how life is suppose to be, yet, I’ve sat quietly because, I’ve been searching for a feeling that I believed was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ego is a belief within my mind of those that have walked here before me, even as I’ve seen for myself – how I’ve taken the very nature of myself as my parents as their memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and fears, and added my own pictures, thoughts, and energetic experiences, and then, have the nerve to claim that I’m in control in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and evolve within my life from the starting point of ego as an experience where I have aligned and developed myself as my physical body within the context of evolving as a mind consciousness system, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go in search for a feeling that I’ve believed is me, where I took pride in specifying the experience of myself as energies of and as emotions and feelings without any consideration of what the consequences of doing so has had upon my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ‘experience’, as that which I have believed has kept me going within myself and my world/reality, as the very nature of me in/as and of ‘experience’ – as that which is/has been filtered through me in/as my parents mind of/as memories/characters/ personalities – in how me as my mind, as consciousness, according to who I am as memories/characters/ personalities, in/as extensions of thoughts, in and as feelings and emotions, is actually only experiences that I have defined into and as energy.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

to be continued

Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me

Today, I was able to stop myself mid-sentence – when hearing the insanity in/as my automated speaking – in asking my almost 2 year old granddaughter, if she had fun playing at her new babysitters house – which is where she just began going to the day before.

I stopped myself from finishing the question, I breathed and looked into her little eyes looking at me – I saw myself as the abuser in asking her to please hurry and be a memory.

It’s dishonesty, manipulation, self-interest, and, I can only describe it as seeking for a feeling that I believe is me.

I’m beginning to see/realize and understand how we participate in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness. Thus, I Suggest reading Heaven’s Journey to Life blog for clarity to understand the nature of how we exist in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become automated words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions of my parents mind where I as my mind as consciousness continue to subject children to Building a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through others seek for a reason and/or purpose, a place where I can find that I belong in order to locate a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through manipulation be willing to compromise the lives of others so that I’m able to fulfill a dependency upon experiencing myself as loved, needed and wanted as I seek for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to feel a dependency upon another within what I’ve referred to as love but is in fact dependency and manipulation seeking for a feeling that I believed is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to balance an unbalanced feeling within myself in seeking for a feeling that I believed is me in desiring to be the perfect child to my parents who I saw as less than perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my need for a feeling that I believed was me attempted to be the perfect daughter through pleasing and manipulating my mother so she would appreciate and love me the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be guided by a feeling of something more than a feeling to fill what feels like a missing expression of me as that which is Not of memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see/realize and understand that in/as my need to seek for a feeling that I believed was me, have not understood how we’ve only ever existed here in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my seeking for a feeling that I believed was me, to disregard that which matters most as me as my physical body within and as our physical reality.

to be continued

Day 59: My Throne of God

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite people within this world in my mind as backchat where I have thoughts toward people as not being SINcere and/or trustworthy, when the fact is I know in self-honesty that I am actually seeing myself in/as the SIN of what is here in how ‘I’ exist in spite and judge and criticize and compete to be the best, and win the most, and be the most special, thus, when that doesn’t happen for me, I then sit upon my throne of judgment and condemnation to/towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a spiteful and revengeful human, and in fact I am SOULy responsible for how I’ve lived my life according to the words written in the bible because I accepted and allowed myself to ‘be the LIE’ within the beLIEfs where I have manifested and created myself to be the evil in live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire myself as the God of my throne within existence wherein I have attempted to catapult my way to stardom with no consideration for those who may be in the line of fire of my selfish desires.


I commit myself to release myself from my own Throne of God as a Religion of Self through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in believing that I deserve the best of all things never considering the millions who haven’t the slightest chance of having anything and where within my mind I sat myself on a throne where I’ve projected myself within a ‘my shit don’t stink attitude’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m worthy of something more when in fact I’m less than my mind which I’ve allowed to direct me according to the rules of consciousness as envy and ego with greed being the heavyweight through the power it packs through the support of our current Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that surrounding my throne of God is the pavement/foundation of my real intentions to/towards others designed inside my own hell of/as my mind where I’ve walked as a heavily SOULd version of myself for a fools paradise which has begun in the mind of me as consciousness thus, I’ve not really grasped the magnitude of how the SINS of man are MANifestering Hell on Earth for All the world to bare witness to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where CONsumerism is destroying life whilst Earth provides enough for everybody except that of the greed of man, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become manipulated by my own greed for money/power.

I commit myself to be the reed in greed and become an instrument for/as assisting this world to see that it is Not the other we are truly at war with for the war we perceive outside of ourselves, is infact the war existent within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own crown of thorns perched upon my throne of God within my mind according to the religion of self.

I commit myself to stop the religion of self and support a world/money system where life is valued breath by breath according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that only the mind as consciousness seizes the need to be exalted and thus, it is our each individual responsibility to stop who we’ve been in greed and to stand up in support of a money system that exalts All living beings with a quality of life in Equality.

Suggested to READ:
The Singularity that Collapsed Life: DAY 60
Day 59: Word of God