Tag Archive | Living the Lie

Day 149: You hurt my feelings character

My son’s birthday was a few days ago. I wasn’t able to talk to him or see him and I told myself that I was ok with that. I lied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself when I fear because I convinced myself it makes me ‘feel’ better when the fact is lying further suppresses within me that which I’m avoiding taking responsibility for.

The last words that my son said to me were: “you’re not my mom, you’re just a lady who gave birth to me”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I think about my son, I fear when I realize that I can’t talk to him and/or go see him, then I become angry and suppress my anger by becoming a character of ‘you hurt my feelings‘, and within that I forgive myself for how I’ve used the memory of our past argument as a defense mechanism which creates physical pain within me within the illusion of it all in how I’ve held in and on to the memory of his words as if they are jagged edged swords piercing deep within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how holding onto memories keeps me committed to the past and thus never evolving as a living being but only evolving within methods of protection to defend the memory/past within a definition of self as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have used my son’s words to create a character of and as my mind as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character and as such I continue to walk and live the consequences of my own self-interest in believing that what has been done cannot be undone because I’ve reLIED upon and lived as those words through feelings and emotions which I’ve accepted and allowed to guide me into having experiences of myself accordingly and as such, I’ve not yet realized the extent that I myself have misused and abused the living word itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image/picture within myself of myself of how to raise a child, when in fact. I didn’t know the first thing in how to prepare a child to care for themselves and/or their physical reality in order to guarantee a world ready and able to nourish and sustain life on earth into and as eternity according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as an image/picture to come up within me of when my son was a baby and how having him made me feel proud and on top of the world and how in that one moment I took for granted that I would/could be a great mom when in fact I wasn’t prepared to raise the baby/son and the man to be, yet, I held onto him as if he was a puppy that I could train to love me.

Sometimes, to make myself ‘feel’ better, I imagine everything between him and I is suddenly, magically alright.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself from what I perceive within my mind as a negative experience to then a positive one through imagining everything suddenly is alright between the two of us, when I see, realize and understand that this is how me as my mind has always justified my avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and others as myself, because in doing so within my mind I never actually face myself and/or never walk any real change of myself into and as who I am within and as my physical reality.

I still have a strong feeling that says: “How dare you”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the kind of parent who reacts to my child within a matter of duty, as if my child owes me something for bringing him/her into this world and thus my actions demand respect,  when in fact,  I see the common sense in how as a parent I failed my children in that I took for granted that I knew and was teaching them what mattered most in life, such as love and God, when the truth is, I was only teaching them what was taught to me and what was taught to my parents,  and in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand how as parents we’ve not investigated our world for ourselves, thus we’ve been living knowledge and information and have not actually been prepared to teach our children how to become a responsible human being as one who recognizes and shares the understanding of the Equality of Life of and as all living beings and supports their world accordingly.

The last time I saw my son was a year ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret who I physically become within and as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character wherein when I’m around my son I walk with my head slightly tilted to the right which I now see is how I walk when I’m in deep thought, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not moving myself in the way I really wanted to which was to physically embrace him within self-honesty and complete acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process within wants, desires and expectations of seeking to control others/my children in order for me to have and behave as that which I was seeking in self-interest.

When and as I see myself existing as the character of and as my mind of/as: ‘you hurt my feelings’, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that feelings manifest who I’ve become as characters/personalities, and that the only power that feelings and emotion have over me is the power that I give them through my participating in and as thoughts and energetic reactions of and as polarity experiences, thus I commit myself to stop patterns of taking a negative experience of myself to that of a positive one in order to justify the demons of who and how I have existed as within my past, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as the memory of the words that my son once said to me and I commit myself to purify into life the words we live by and as daily.

I commit myself to stop lying to myself and others as myself and to commit myself to stop walking my process within regret, guilt, wants, desires, energy and expectations.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can let go the past and begin a process of healing self from the inside out which can and will manifest unto and as the world as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot fully receive from anyone that which I’m not yet willing to give to all Equally.

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‎”Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 116: The War Within in the Name of God

Realizing the nature of my war within. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself for all the times that I accepted and allowed myself to make choices and decisions about going to war against other countries, land and people based upon my belief of and in the name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the destructive nature of and as the secrets of my mind to be that which has consumed and directed me to such a point that I wonder if I even have the right to refer to myself as a living being whose only ever existed within and as war while never questioning the real nature of War in the Name of God.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living expression of war within myself in the Name of God, wherein self hate and fear I surrounded myself within and as lies I told myself about a God who only ever existed within and as my mind as consciousness – where I pretended my belief in a God made me feel better, when it actually didn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself a human while I followed and acted like others using words like hope and faith in the Name of God and never actually expressed who I am in self-honesty within and as a living physical expression of tenderness and compassion as that of being humane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sympathy for others within the starting point of casting impressions from/as characters/memories/personalities of and as my mind within the starting point of fear of survival in fearing the despair of another may fall upon me as I ran from the War Within in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed within and as my mind in filling my own wants, needs and desires that I didn’t want to stop and see how in the name of God is how war within begins and manifest into and as our world.

I forgive myself for not realizing what those in war have to actually live and become as a living expression of evil in order to physically kill others just to fulfill the demands of those of us who say we require defense in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my support of wars to kill other human beings in the name of God, all the while not realizing how/what the acceptance of such an allowance is creating and manifesting within me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing that money is the light of God on Earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to warship in the name of God those who manipulate from the starting point of their own war within in order to profit in/as power of money above life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the Name of God beLIEve that I’m not responsible for the wars within this world, that I’m innocent, when in-fact I am responsible for accepting and allowing it to continue while I quietly ignore it as I go about my daily life in/of and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that our problem is the very nature of ourselves as our mind as consciousness – which is the God we’re actually beLieving in as being real – as we accept and allow ourselves to be directed as it, and enslaved to it through our world/money system – instead of seeing realizing and understanding, that it is I who decides who I am. It is I who decides to direct me according to what’s best for All – to hell with the War within in the Name of God – because through writing and self-forgiveness, I am able to see who and what I can become and walk as, in self-honesty, thus, I commit myself to creating and manifesting a world where life on Earth is a living expression of equality and oneness as Heaven on Earth according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we as a humanity have Never taken self-responsibility for ourselves and for how our World exists.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have forsaken that which is real as our Physical Body and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we lie, cheat, steal and kill our neighbors just so we can be and have more.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we live out our Fears of Survival, and then we Die.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have never known who we can be in and as Self-Honesty and Self-Trust.

I commit myself to show how we Can Forgive our selves through Self-forgiveness

I commit myself to show that humanity requires real compassion and tenderness through first providing support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality through an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to show how in One moment, Everything can and Will change with Equal Money because Every Single Living Being will be Provided for – No One will ever again be left behind.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money provides life support for every newborn child where No child will ever again starve to death.

I commit myself to show how we have never required a God to manifest and create that which we are capable of with Equal Money.

I commit myself to show how with Equal Money – All WAR AND FEAR OF SURVIVAL WILL END – Imagine That…

I commit myself to life in supporting a System of Equality where Life becomes a Living Expression of Love as Giving to All that which you would like to Receive.

Day 109: For the Love of God

I reacted today to a comment I read on face book about putting one’s ‘faith in God’ – thus the following Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and others as myself all the while existing within and as a memory/character of and as my mind within the beLIEf of ‘the Love of God‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children to believe the same lie, where I taught them to have faith in someone, (God), outside of themself instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their world because I perceived ‘the Love of God‘ was easier than facing the lies of/as self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the beLIEf of the ‘love of God’ never question how it is that we’ve come to accept and allow a world/money system that only shine’s it light upon those who are rich, without seeing, realizing and understanding the polarity equation that when there are rich, there has to be those who are poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek shelter from myself as my physical body within and as memories/characters and lies within and as my mind in believing in ‘Love’ and/or the lies of there being a ‘higher power‘ and/or ‘For the Love of God’.

I forgive myself that I have lied, reacted to others, and run away from myself for my whole lIEfe, hiding in and as anger, sadness, sorrow, guilt, remorse and self hatred, where I have feared even communicating because of how I experienced inner emotional conflicts and suppressions and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the BELIEF in the Love of a God to be responsible for and take care of my life because I feared facing me in self intimacy – so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by life and thus betrayed by ‘The Love of God – and, I see, realize and understand how betrayal is that of blame, wherein, ‘For the Love of God‘, I conditionally placed faith, trust and responsibility of myself and my life within the ‘hands’ of another (God) – where I literally submitted myself and my life over to another (God) – where in separation from me as who I am as my physical body within and as our physical reality – I allowed myself to LIE to myself, and thus abdicated myself over to the care of/as a perception in/as my mind in giving permission for ‘the Love of God’, to ‘handle’ my life – instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and my life experiences – thus, when my life hasn’t gone as I’ve ‘hoped’, I’ve felt betrayed because of how I conditionally placed faith and trust and responsibility for me and my life over to and for ‘the Love of God, and, within that, I have accepted and allowed myself to react and exist in/as anger – I stop. I Breathe.

I see, realize and understand how me as anger is only a symptom of my own betrayal because I didn’t take responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I was actually experiencing within myself in how I was blaming my situation and my experience of myself on my parents, my world and society as a whole – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception because I perceived in/as memories/characters of/as my mind that it’s easier to blame someone else separate from me for my life experiences than to take self-responsibility for what it is that I have actually been experiencing within and as me.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to betray and/or deceive me except me.

I commit myself to show how self actually knows that self uses the belief in a God to Not face self and take self-responsibility for what self has accepted and allowed according to what and how our world/money system exists in keeping us enslaved to/as our own fears.

I commit myself to show how through writing, self-forgiveness and in self-honesty, one is able to Stop the fear and thus, Stop the Lie as the belief in a God and/or the Love of God.

I commit myself to show how through self-corrective application one is able to Stop fear and walk in self trust in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and thus show how our world is a reflected manifestation of that which exists within and as each and every single one of us, and how we are individually responsible for how our world/money system exists, thus, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are each able to live, express and apply ourselves in taking self-responsibility for our world in creating Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

(Please read: Day 106: Living the Lie for further perspective.)

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that another Lie is to Deliberately Disregard Physical Evidence as to the History of the Earth and to Promote the Lie of Religion based on the Premise that because the Origin of Life is Not Grasped, it must Come from Some Higher Power, and in One Foul Swoop, the Existence and Allowance and Acceptance of all the Lies as the Weakness of Human Character as that which tends to Lie and Deceive, is Justified and taught to every Child as if it is the Gospel truth – and anyone trying to Question the Lie, is Made out as a Liar, by Spreading Lies and Gossip, because it is Understood that because the Human lies all the Time, the Human will accept Lies as truth and truth as Lies – so, the Big Lie is Safe.” ~ Bernard Poolman