Tag Archive | heaven on earth

Day 281: What Kind of Power did This?

The Unforgotten

“…the families of immigrants who go missing along the border — likely victims of exposure or dehydration — are largely shut out of this system. Because no one really knows precisely where they disappeared, there is no straightforward way for family members to file an official missing person report or to deposit a DNA profile in the FBI’s national database to match to the bodies found along the border.


Police often refuse to take missing person reports. Border Patrol and US Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials said they do not investigate such cases.
And many families of the missing have no idea where to file reports anyway, or they fear getting deported if they contact police.


As a result, hundreds of unknown bodies — including children — have been buried in Arizona and Texas, where the largest numbers of deaths are recorded.”

undocumented immigrants
I won’t pretend to understand exactly how or why there have been thousands of immigrants who have gone missing, presumed dead while crossing the southern border of Texas.

Recently the deaths have soared in what’s referred to as the worst place for immigrants to die: Brooks County, Texas.

Brooks County, Texas, is approximately an eleven and a half hour drive from where I live, and, that’s where a group of forensic teams of college students are literally digging up the bodies of undocumented-immigrants from unmarked graves.

It’s said that Brooks County is attractive to smugglers because it’s poor, it’s littered with abandoned warehouses, and with 7,000 or so residents living in an area about the size of Rhode Island – where besides the Border Patrol, only one sheriff deputy patrols a 900 or more mile area.

The stories in the news are ongoing, numerous and disturbing accounts of immigrant children being ‘turned away at the borders’. It’s like a never-ending story complete with up-close pictures that show us clearly what a ‘Total Systems Failurelooks like… Yet, we turn a blind eye to what’s going on.

As I read the daily headlines, with all the chaos of war,  as well as countless other indignities that we impose upon one another, I’m reminded of a quote I recently read:

“When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers – believer’s in a higher power. But what kind of power did this?” Dexter Morgan, the main character of the Showtime drama series ‘Dexter’

So yeah, it’s an important question. What kind of power did this?

What kind of power accepts and allows a World, OUR World, to come to this?

The power of Money, the power of Greed?

Because truthfully, if these people, that we have defined as immigrants, if they were all rich instead of poor, well then, that would change everything.

Alas, Fear is a powerful motivator. And the truth is, the kind of power that did this, that manifests wars and all the suffering that comes with being poor – like going without the simple basics needed to live life, like clean water, food, healthcare, a home and a proper education.  The kind of power that keeps those things from others, manifests when we want our freedom from the constant demands that comes as life within a system that has failed to first and foremost support the citizens of the country.

Interesting, how with all our running around trying to survive, what’s happening is,  we’re creating death and destruction and we’re the only ones who can stop it. I wonder when that’ll be?  Because it’s inevitable, in order for humanity to survive itself without destroying earth in the process,  is going to require a money system structured according to what’s best for all.

So,,, this story is just one of the many consequences manifesting within our world.  A world that turns a blind eye to a child in crisis.  A world where money is the only power simply because we haven’t yet realized it is this way because WE accept and allow a broken money system to determine how life itself is to be experienced.  And, we ‘think’ there’s nothing we can do. But,  there is.

Time to take Responsibility.

Read how we can design a change that is at the Service of Life…

Investigate ‘The Living Income Guaranteed Proposal’

Day 263: It’s about Water, the Lack of it, and Complacency…

I see myself as one of the so-called ‘lucky ones’ in that we have our own well here on our land which keeps us supplied with clean, chemical free drinking water, every single day. But not today. The temperature outside got so cold last night that our water pipes froze and so we woke up to no running water this morning. The high outside today is supposed to only reach 15 degrees Fahrenheit or -9.4 Celsius, which means unthawing them will be a challenge depending on how much of our pipes are frozen.

When something like this happens to our normally well-established and quite addictive routines around here, that’s when our mind kind of,,, goes into overdrive… Our mind as consciousness is dependent upon routine and when that gets disrupted it threatens the hold our mind as consciousness has on us,  so that is why it goes into,  like a built in automated survival search, looking for something that will support an already established and much needed daily routine/program/plan.

inconvenient lack of water

So because my daily routine was interrupted – what with having no water , and water being the single most important part of my routine – it’s like, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I realized almost immediately that I needed to slow myself down, to breathe, and as I did so,  I began to ask myself some questions,  like: what if every single day I woke up to knowing that I would have no access to water, much less indoor/running water…

What would I do without clean running water? I wouldn’t be able to follow my daily alternative treatment plan that I’ve been applying every single day for 9 months, to detox and assist my physical body to rid itself of cancer. A routine that I’ve established through a self-corrective application of pushing myself every single day to walk the steps necessary to ease into a full physical recover and it requires water to be successful.

I was also aware of how the backchat in my head was quick to self-judgment and attempting to take me back to last night – to see what I could have done to avoid the pipes freezing… My backchat even had examples: I could have made sure all of our sinks had a small stream of water flowing from all the faucets – which is supposed to aid in the prevention of frozen pipes. It would have also been best if certain areas of pipe had been wrapped with heating tape for protection. These particular thoughts, they were repeating over and over in my head and I could feel myself teeter back and forth from a negative to a positive energy and it took absolute focus on my breathing to stop myself from reeling.

I had to look at the ‘bigger picture‘’, meaning: how significant really is ‘my’ so-called ‘problem’ when compared to the life-threatening situation that millions experience daily around the world.  It’s about Water and the lack of it…

There are many reasons or excuses used as to why we accept and allow more than 2.8 billion people to not have access to clean water or access to a flushing toilet. If you don’t know the facts surrounding water scarcity, then it’s time you did some research because no one should be allowed to suffer from lack of clean and safe drinking water as well as a warm home to live in and to protect oneself from any harsh temperatures.

complacencySo instead of me accepting and allowing my mind as consciousness to go on and on about me and how I’m currently experiencing myself, I Stop myself… I Breathe and accept Responsibility for the more than 2.8 billion people who have no clean water. And, if I’m to be  honest with myself, I realize that we have turned our lives over to the power of those who have all the money and quite frankly, their not sharing, so we’ve got to make sure that sharing of Earths resources are fairly distributed instead of being profited from.

So it’s time to face it, we have a Money System that functions and thrives off the suffering of others – simply because we’ve given value to money, and how having Money gives our Ego a big fat boost.   And that is something that we can no longer afford as an accepted behaviour.

When you really look at what we’re accepting, in that ‘Money is God’, it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, that We, the Majority of/as Society – that we’re ok with any one of us – ‘us’ being those of us that ARE NOT filthy rich – that we would allow any one of us to live in such an unassisted way of life,  with no means of having clean water – that we’re ok with that? No way. I no longer accept living like that as the way Life on Earth is to be experienced because of Ego and our willing Complacency.

So, this slight inconvenience that I perceived myself of having – that of having to go a few hours without running water – the experience gave way for the opportunity for me to become aware of who I am in/as complacency. In fact, Not having water opened an awareness within me wherein with greater clarity I see how and why complacency does not ‘become me’, I become it, and in that understanding comes a greater ease of forgiving myself, thus gifting myself a smoother transition as I continue to walk self-corrective application…

Update: We were without Water for no more than 8 hours…

****************

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook who I am as complacency in how I go from a negative energetic emotion of anxiety and smugness to a positive energetic feeling of satisfaction, to the point where I am ok with and will accept that the human cannot change how life is experienced on Earth when in fact, I have proven to myself that self-change can and does occur when one first align their  daily routines in commitment accordingly to a Guarantee, that Everyone be given the opportunity to make a real living through designing a Living Income to ensure that no one ever again go without.

I commit myself to no longer take for granted and/or become smug/complacent in my belief that somehow I deserve to have more than another and to instead support a Living Income that will secure a guaranteed way of living that supports our physical bodies and our physical reality according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to never forget that in order for Life to be All that it Can and Will be, requires consistency in walking with a Group and walking a self-corrective application, one that is structured according to creating a World that is Best for All, and that in doing so, we will eventually Create Heaven on Earth when/as we come together – where one by one, we take Self- Responsibility for Life itself, and Design a Money System that will Guarantee Everyone a Living Income, a Living Wage.

I commit myself to Stop who I am as how I’ve defined myself within and as the word complacency and to realize the possibilities of redefining living without deScriptions, and I commit myself to consider that ‘We’, Are that in which we’re here to be aware of regarding how and what we’re accepting and allowing with regards to how Life exists as Suffering here on Earth, and How it is ‘Us’, who Will Manifest Heaven on Earth.

*************************

“Was the creation of man, another manifestation of ourselves to be able to experience our own creation and creation (such as earth, plants and trees and animals) also being ourselves, manifestations of ourselves to support us in the experience of our own creation? Separated, look at the world today.

We have been creating on the outside, aeroplanes, jets, space crafts to travel in space, cell phones, television, electricity, computers, homes, clothes etc, yet, beings have completely forgotten about themselves. Each one on earth and heaven previously has forgotten who they are and why they’re here. Every single being in existence previously existed completely outside themselves, looking, yearning and seeking for something to fulfill them.

As computers, televisions and cell phones are being merely upgraded to even more intricate and extensive models, beings on earth as who they are is slowly but surely being destroyed. Trying to make life and their existence more bearable and livable, trying to survive, through establishing relationships and creating better technology to justify all beings’ on earth existence reason for being here. The existence of violence, molestation, abuse, killing, dishonour and disrespect towards others, beings defining themselves according to certain applications such as doctors, politicians, lawyers or businessman as being some form of attainment to success.

Beings defining themselves according to relationships, apparently the one singular desire of all beings, structuring themselves to attain some form of success for money, power and control, to make sure they have a relationship to be able to enjoy the pleasures of sex. If you honestly have to look at existence as it is existing right now, if you had one opportunity to create the world you’d like to experience as yourself, would this be all there is to it? Have a look at to what extent we have separated and limited ourselves within our own creation. Beings are only existing for the attainment of power, money, manipulation, relationships, sex etc. and why? I have an answer for that: To be able to survive in this reality. Our existence has become that of survival.

This is the point I am making. We have forgotten how to create as who we are, to express ourselves (expression being creation which goes hand in hand) as creators, and we have allowed ourselves to limit, suppress and degrade ourselves to the one simple action of survival. Not knowing or remembering who we are, where we come from, how we got here and the reason for us being here. To the extent where we won’t even consider it possible that we are actually the creators of all existence. Clearly through the application of all beings in existence we are clearly able to see that we are destroying not only ourselves, but also our creation. We are all so lost, lost in ideas, perceptions, multiple amounts of beliefs etc. We have swinged our applications around completely. Have a look at the world today.” ~ Alice A Bailey – From Consciousness to Awareness – Part 2

*************************

Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed

Day 262: A day late and a dollar short

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting here enjoying the sites of fresh fallen snow and the aroma of the vegetable broth brewing on the stove (my partner and I started it first thing when we woke up this morning) and also the smell of a roaring fire just outside my window that my partner just got going. All of it, for me, makes for the perfect day.

So, not to sound all ‘scent’imental’, lol, no pun intended, but I’m realizing more and more how life begins when we begin to develop an awareness of our personal responsibility to become accountable for how our world exists. To educate oneself to understand what it takes these days to survive in this world so to be able to enjoy the simplest of things. For example, what does one have to do/be/become in order to have a warm home in which to enjoy the beauty of a fresh fallen snow and cooking one’s favorite meal

Ok so my point is, as I sat enjoying the snow and the aroma’s all around me, a memory was triggered and I saw how my mind took me back to something my mom used to say, she’d say: I’m a day late and a dollar short. I remember how her words captured me within a way where I was unable to rectify her meaning. I didn’t really understand her choice of words but the tone within which she spoke them gave me clarity on how she felt.  I knew she had allowed herself a missed opportunity and was caught inexcusably unprepared for it.  It is only now that I understand the underlying implications and the utmost importance the experience held on as.
day late and a dollar short
The problem is in the value we give to time and money.  How we seem to unknowingly become the trip our mind chooses for us to take and as the human, we willingly give value to our accepted variety of cultures, belief systems, habits and/or addictions.

We secretly believe in feeling as if we’re always a day late and a dollar short,  so it’s like we keep chasing/looking for some sort of fulfillment. Yep, it’s time for us to Stop participating in how consciousness wants to direct us and instead realize that we can Direct ourself.

As Consciousness,  we’ll seek, plan, prepare and organize for a secured life for ourself and our family and in self interest, we forget to value everyone as we ignore the suffering of others.  There’s no longer anywhere to hide.   We understand how deadly our Current Money System is, where even the simplest of pleasures require time and money and the majority of us don’t seem to have enough of either .

When my partner and I go to town it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to get to the store and another hour to get home.  Time and the Money…  Recently, we spent 128.00 U.S. Dollars for a few veggies, fruits, mushrooms and a package of organic tea!

It’s crazy because the experience of Life in it’s simplest form of day to day survival, has become so expensive that’s it’s not only embarrassing, it’s downright criminal.   I mean seriously, making a living and a life for oneself could be a Journey to Life, to self perfection.

Making a living and a life within a system where everyone is guaranteed a living wage,  where you can learn to depend upon yourself,  whereby becoming responsible and accountable and capable of Stopping what we’ve accepted and allowed.  It is only then that  we’ll begin to share with Everyone all that this physical Earth experience offers for Each one of us.

No one should have to live ‘a day late and a dollar short’ kind of lifestyle.

No one should have to beg for food.

No one should be able to have a home unless Everyone is able to have a home.

No one should be afraid of a hard days work simply because they’re not paid enough to do it.

No one should go to bed hungry.

No one should go to bed cold.

No one should ever suffer because of lack of.

Everyone should be able to determine what their skills are and how they’ll be able to contribute to making a living in this world toward creating  Heaven on Earth as we implement the Simple Law, ‘Give as You would like to Receive’.

I commit myself to direct myself to show that the only chance for Life on Earth to continue will be for the human to come together as a group in agreement in full commitment to each other, to create a World that behaves according to what’s best for All.

**********************************

“What makes one life more, or less than any other life? What makes one life any more, or less, worthy than any other life? What gives any one life more, or less, value than another? Why should the end of one life be felt more, or less, keenly than another? Why should the suffering of one life be regarded as more, or less, important than another?” Cerise Poolman, Activist’s Journey to Life

**********************************

Investigate:

Living Income Guaranteed

Day 170: Postponement is a Bitch

For Context Read:
Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement
Day 169: Incomplete as Postponement Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as the postponement character – which I began when I was a child – to accept and allow one thought/image which I followed and accepted as a sort of alternate reality within me, where I so much feared that I was missing out on something – because I wasn’t able to ‘do what I wanted to do’ which was play with my friends because of the chores my mom gave me to do – that within myself I accepted and allowed a pattern where I hurried through and did a half ass job just so I could get to doing ‘what I wanted to do’, and how within that self-accepted pattern I quickly became comfortable with myself as the postponement character, thus throughout my life I have hurried through specific tasks so that I could just ‘get done’ so I could go do what ‘I wanted to do’ and as that, I wasn’t aware of how I followed a thought/image further into and as my mind and imagined how long it would take for me to complete whatever task was ‘supposedly’ keeping me from doing ‘what I wanted to do’, and how I would imagine how the task and/or the ‘negative’ experience was going to play out and then within my mind, I would change up the whole scenario and imagine myself has having the complete opposite experience of myself, one that would create a positive energy feeling within me, and all the while I would be hurrying up to complete the task so that I could have a feel good experience which I had already played out within my mind, and within all that, I never realized that I was actually postponing who I am within every aspect of who I am and who I have become because not once did I take self-responsibility for myself and for who and how I exist as within abd as our current world/money system.

When and as I see myself becoming the postponement character where within my mind I am busy in thoughts and in my imagination seeing and comparing different ways and scenarios of how I may or may not experience myself as either positive or negative, I stop, I breathe.

I commit myself see, realize and understand that accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts/images and imagination where I create a positive and/or negative experience, is nothing more than me entertaining me as my mind with energy and thus, never actually existing here in awareness of me in/as breath practically, physically walking and contributing in any way within and as what is real here as my physical body and physical reality/world/existence.

I commit myself to stop who I have existed as as the postponement character because I see, realize and understand that I will remain exactly who I am as my mind until I make the decision to face myself and take self-responsibility for who and what I have become, as what i have existed as within, and thus have manifested as our outer world/reality/existence, thus, in order to change the abuse within and as our/my world/reality/existence, requires that I first change me within in and as self-honesty.

When and as I see myself becoming the postponement character where within my mind I’m reliving the memory where I’ve defined myself according to the words; ‘girls just wanna have fun’, I stop, I breathe – I see realize and understand that I have taken the idea of life as being and having fun to a level that is not only unrealistic but is actually the edge of insanity, insanity that can be witnessed throughout our world, where while we’re demanding to have our fun and existing in our self-absorbed mind/physical world, we completely ignore the massive amount of abuse and turmoil that thousands upon thousands of children/animals/people are living with daily – which puts a whole new perspective on how far we will go just so we can entertain ourselves as our mind no matter the extent of suffering all around us within and as our world/reality/existence.   I commit myself to stop.

Day 169: Incomplete as Postponement Part 2


Continuing from: Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was a child, develop an idea within myself of what responsibility meant according to the negative experience I had of myself when I first attempted to be responsible and therefore, almost without my even knowing it, I accepted and allowed myself to define responsibility as something that meant ‘I have to work’, and/or that ‘I have to do something that I don’t want to do’, and within that I began to have fear swell up within me in my mind as an image where I would see my friends playing outside and having fun without me, and because I valued myself according to how many friends liked me, I seen responsibility as sort of a deal breaker. because ‘the chores’ that I had to do which were ‘my responsibility’, kept me from being part of the fun and interrupted my idea of what I needed to participate in so that ‘my friends’ would like me, thus, I developed a plan where with every chore my mom assigned for me, I would do just enough on the surface to make it appear like I had done the job thoroughly but if/when my mom looked closely, she would see that I hadn’t done the necessary deep cleaning and therefore my responsibility was incomplete thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue similar patterns throughout my life and thus have always postponed taking responsibility and have always left myself feeling incomplete because I’ve not been willing to slow myself down, breathe and give myself the chance to see into me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop who I am in fear of and as postponement, where I have according to my past experience of when I was a child, feared that I was missing out on something by not being immediately available to do what “I wanted to do’ which was to play with my friends after school because I was made to do chores by my mom and how within that I developed a pattern of postponement which is how I avoid taking self-responsibility.

Thus, when and as I see myself hurrying to get done with something: for example; when I’m writing and applying self-forgiveness, I stop, I breathe – instead I see, realize and understand that this pattern of hurrying is a pattern that I began when I was a child, and one that I have continued, where for example, I take a negative experience of doing chores and distract myself within my imagination and create for myself a positive experience as a way of avoiding taking responsibility – responsibility for myself and this world as it currently exists within and as our money/world system – where abuse unto life is allowed in the name of profit and money.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my perception in fear of missing out on or losing out on something is actually me as my mind wanting to turn my perception of myself as having a negative experience into a positive experience so as to not have to take responsibility – which is not even actually real or relevant within the context of responsibility,  thus,  in allowing myself to hurry to complete what I’m doing, I am actually missing out on this moment of breath in seeing into me to see who I really am here as breath in self-honesty within the context of becoming willing to walk as life as me within this physical/world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to re-defining who I am when I’m not in a hurry, as who I am here breathing, and what responsibility is in relationship to who I am within this world/reality/existence.

to be continued

Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement

I’ve realized something about myself today in how I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted when I’m writing and posting my blogs. Recently, I’ve been experiencing some physical pain and sitting in front of the computer seems to aggravate the pain and as a result, I’ve hurried through writing self-forgiveness and have ultimately screwed myself, because I’ve left myself feeling incomplete. However, in self-honesty, I know that this is a point that I’ve always existed as.

What’s interesting is, I can remember the same feeling, like an incompleteness when I was a child. This brought up the memory of when I would get home from school when I was young. My mom would have a full set of chores lined up for me to do and I would hurry through them so that I would be sure and have time to go play with my friends.


In the hurry I would begin to feel as if I was leaving myself behind or like the presence of myself was incomplete. I am now realizing how this is a point of  postponement.  Not taking self-responsibility because I just wanted to play and experience myself as having fun doing what I wanted to do.  And I have been still walking the same pattern in my committment in walking my Journey to Life

Therefore, I commit myself to slowing myself down, breathing, and allowing myself to basically stand up and begin again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was a child, develop an idea within myself of what responsibility meant according to the negative experience I had of myself when I first attempted to be responsible and therefore, almost without my even knowing it, I accepted and allowed myself to define responsibility as something that meant ‘I have to work’, and/or that ‘I have to do something that I don’t want to do’, and within that I began to have fear swell up within me in my mind as an image where I would see my friends playing outside and having fun without me, and because I valued myself according to how many friends liked me, I seen responsibility as sort of a deal breaker. because ‘the chores’ that I had to do which were ‘my responsibility’, kept me from being part of the fun and interrupted my idea of what I needed to participate in so that ‘my friends’ would like me, thus, I developed a plan where with every chore my mom assigned for me, I would do just enough on the surface to make it appear like I had done the job thoroughly but if/when my mom looked closely, she would see that I hadn’t done the necessary deep cleaning and therefore my responsibility was incomplete thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue similar patterns throughout my life and thus have always postponed taking self-responsibility and have always left myself feeling incomplete because I’ve not been willing to slow myself down, breathe and give myself the chance to see into me.

to be continued…

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued