Tag Archive | church

Day 188: God Was Not Part of the Survival Plan

We were driving down a long stretch of road this past week-end as we traveled toward the place where my grandmother’s funeral was being held. It had been years since I’d been on that road and it triggered the thought/image within my mind where I saw myself 6 years old sitting on my grandmother’s front porch watching her as she taught me how to make mud pies in the same pot she’d earlier cooked lunch in.
god is not here

If I were to describe her in a few words, it would be that she was simple, unreactive, physically tough, hardworking and self-sacrificing.

A quiet lady who taught me mostly who she was by her daily routine. It’s interesting because almost every memory I have of her involves physical movement.

I used to watch her as she would wring out wet clothes through her wringer washing machine, and no matter the weather, she hung the clothes outside to dry. She slaughtered her own cattle for meat, churned her own butter, baked her own bread, tilled and planted her own fruit and vegetable garden – canned her own fruits and vegetables and made her own jelly.

She milked her own cows, fried bacon from the hogs she raised and could wring a chicken’s neck quick enough to be sure they never suffered. She carried water daily from her well into a house that didn’t have a flushing toilet or running water until I was close to 12 years old. She made her own clothes and her children’s, her own curtains and blankets and bedspreads, and I never once heard her complain.

She always had many laying hens and roosters, and every morning right after the sun came up, her and I would go open the chicken pen and let them all out to wander about freely.

She taught me to treat all animals gentle and with respect, and the only time I can remember seeing her upset with one of them was when I was 5 years old and one of the roosters attacked me. She grabbed him by the neck and in an instant he was dead and as I stood there in a kind of shock from what I had seen, all she said was: “we can’t have one that will do that Cath, it’s ok, he didn’t suffer”. The only time I saw my grandmother fearful was when, as she put it, “there come up a storm and that’s when we high tailed it to the storm cellar”.

Every evening at my grandmother’s was always the same, and even now I can feel the comfort in how my mind perceived myself as safe as I became accustomed to the daily routine. I’d be swinging on the swing that was hanging from my favorite tree which was right in front of where she’d be sitting in her rocking chair on the long front porch of her small little farm house.

We’d watch the sunset and talk about our day and about the silly things one of the animals may have done. She wasn’t one to laugh very much, in fact, she was a rather serious person. What was important to her was seeing to it that her little farm and her animals were taken care of and she tried to teach me to take responsibility in finishing what I start. All those summers I spent with my grandmother up until I was around 14 years old – I began to realize a sort of silent understanding between us.

I wouldn’t comprehend exactly what that understanding was until years later as I sat in the small country church while some man who was the preacher of the church attempted to share his ‘idea’ of who my grandmother was as her body lay in a casket just in front of him. He spoke about how she was in a better place now because of how she had spent her life believing in the blood of Jesus.

That’s when I had to stop myself from chuckling out loud. All those summers with her and everything she taught me in order to survive in this world, not once was God part of the survival plan.  In fact, God certainly couldn’t be depended upon to “make ends meet”.

Survival is and has always been the name of the game and unfortunately the programming survival system of the human begins with acceptance.  Acceptance was that silent understanding we had between us.  It went without saying.

As a child I began to understand that if one is willing and able to work hard every day to finish what one starts then maybe they’ll survive this dog eat dog world.  So that at the end of the day at least maybe one could sit on their own front porch and quietly rest with the ‘feeling’ that they had accomplished something – then and only then, through an acceptance of slavery, maybe one can make themself believe that Life within this Capitalistic System of self-interest and greed  is somehow worth it, even though deep within us,  we know something is terribly wrong.

I’m beginning to understand the depths of that acceptance. It seals the resolve within us and separates us from life itself. My grandmother became very well at accepting, allowing and thus working hard at suppressing herself in order to survive, and ultimately, she learned to cherish the simplest of things within a world/money system that she knew would eat you alive.

It wasn’t until she started getting older and realized that she was physically unable to continue assisting properly with her own survival.  Only then did she begin to talk about God, and then finally began going to the small country church. It’s interesting how that is, how mostly people seek a God when they realize they aren’t able to survive here on Earth much longer.

In the end, after having 4 children, grandchildren and many great grandchildren, and living to be 97 years old – what did the life of my grandmother teach/prove in the end?

Her life proved to me what I’m realizing more and more every day. That MONEY is God and that no matter who you are Money will motivate you to do and be the very evil you swear you’ll never become.

In the end, she gave over her land to be raped by fracking companies and signed the rights away for all her royalties, which are still coming in, to only one of her children.  She believed her adult child when he told her that in return for everything she owned, he’d see to it that she’d never have to leave her home, her land.

She was betrayed and died in a nursing home.

As for her children, those who were left with nothing but hurt feelings, they don’t speak to the sibling she entrusted her land and life savings with.

Make no mistake about itMoney is the only God and God is certainly Not distributed equally amongst us.

Investigate Equal Money

——-

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 123: God’s Will Is A LIE

After an evening with my partner, watching a movie, the following Self-forgiveness was inspired while hearing the numerous ‘praise & worship’songs scattered throughout the movie.

I forgive myself for not realizing how what I was looking for – when I submitted to the character of and as my mind as the ‘take me just as I am mindset’ – was that of hope in something greater than the perception I had of myself, thus, I pretended to not see the bloodshed of thousands upon thousands who suffer and die daily as I justified death as “The Will of God“, because the fact is blood is shed in our acceptance of our world/money system which glorifies profit over that which is real as our Physical Body and our Earth as this Physical “Reality, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the love of God made me ‘special’, ‘just as I am’, not realizing that when Man speaks, God speaks, because “The Will of God” is “The Will of Man”, as the creator of our reality, as the choices we accept and allow.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the lamb of God was like a guilt offering that I sought for to relieve me of my own guilt for abdicating myself from life within the beLIEf that “The Will of God” would redeem me from that which I feared the most which was me as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that “The Will of God” is actually the will of the mind as consciousness and another word for ownership and possession wherein our secret mind we allow ourselves to manipulate relationships to gain more money as possessions within feelings and emotions and experiences where we boost our ego and then refer to what we accomplish as “The Will of God.”

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I praised “The Will of God”, I was actually praising the illusions of and as my Mind and desensitizing myself to the reality of how life exists within an abusive world/money system and as long as I accepted “The Will of God” as real, then I could momentarily avoid facing myself and my responsibility, and for awhile I was able to avoid myself and ignore the suffering and pain of others, until one day I could not, thus I see, realize and understand that eventually we can no longer run from that which we are, and inevitably we will have to face who we’ve become as our mind as ego, self-interest and greed, thus to see little by little how everything we’ve ever believed in, has been a LIE, and we let go and we Stop and we breathe. We forgive ourself and we realize that we can no longer live the Lie, thus, I commit myself to stop fighting for Life and to instead Support Life in Supporting Equal Money.

I commit myself to have the courage to live self-honesty and to show that if I’m able to stop and face myself and support a world according to what’s best for All, then anyone can.

I commit myself to Stop “The Will of God“, which is Man as Greed, Self-interest and Ego, and to show how the only valid purpose for being here is to establish a world that is best for All Life in All ways.

I commit myself to show how the lies we’ve taught our children – including those with regards to “The Will of God” – throughout our history enforces reactions to fear and survival and how in an Equal Money System children will be taught common sense life skills according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how when profit is taken out of the equation and we produce goods and services within the starting point of what’s best for All life, including nature, animals and our physical reality of/as planet earth, we’ll see how with Equal Money – there will never be a reason for anybody to suffer at the hands of profit and/or self-interest and greed.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money will for the first time in the History of Man provide effective support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how the “Will of Self as Life” wherein All Life exists according to that which is Best for All is the Desteni of MANKIND.

“I commit myself to show that Jesus understood the Word as Life as Living flesh, but also understood that the Human was Not Ready to Realize until all is Lost, and the End of Life is Certain. We have Reached that Time – and Each will Face a Final choice which will be proven as the Living Flesh and Only those as the Living Flesh that Live what is Best for All Life as Neighbours, will enter Life.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 116: The War Within in the Name of God

Realizing the nature of my war within. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself for all the times that I accepted and allowed myself to make choices and decisions about going to war against other countries, land and people based upon my belief of and in the name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the destructive nature of and as the secrets of my mind to be that which has consumed and directed me to such a point that I wonder if I even have the right to refer to myself as a living being whose only ever existed within and as war while never questioning the real nature of War in the Name of God.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living expression of war within myself in the Name of God, wherein self hate and fear I surrounded myself within and as lies I told myself about a God who only ever existed within and as my mind as consciousness – where I pretended my belief in a God made me feel better, when it actually didn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself a human while I followed and acted like others using words like hope and faith in the Name of God and never actually expressed who I am in self-honesty within and as a living physical expression of tenderness and compassion as that of being humane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sympathy for others within the starting point of casting impressions from/as characters/memories/personalities of and as my mind within the starting point of fear of survival in fearing the despair of another may fall upon me as I ran from the War Within in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed within and as my mind in filling my own wants, needs and desires that I didn’t want to stop and see how in the name of God is how war within begins and manifest into and as our world.

I forgive myself for not realizing what those in war have to actually live and become as a living expression of evil in order to physically kill others just to fulfill the demands of those of us who say we require defense in the Name of God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my support of wars to kill other human beings in the name of God, all the while not realizing how/what the acceptance of such an allowance is creating and manifesting within me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing that money is the light of God on Earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to warship in the name of God those who manipulate from the starting point of their own war within in order to profit in/as power of money above life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the Name of God beLIEve that I’m not responsible for the wars within this world, that I’m innocent, when in-fact I am responsible for accepting and allowing it to continue while I quietly ignore it as I go about my daily life in/of and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that our problem is the very nature of ourselves as our mind as consciousness – which is the God we’re actually beLieving in as being real – as we accept and allow ourselves to be directed as it, and enslaved to it through our world/money system – instead of seeing realizing and understanding, that it is I who decides who I am. It is I who decides to direct me according to what’s best for All – to hell with the War within in the Name of God – because through writing and self-forgiveness, I am able to see who and what I can become and walk as, in self-honesty, thus, I commit myself to creating and manifesting a world where life on Earth is a living expression of equality and oneness as Heaven on Earth according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we as a humanity have Never taken self-responsibility for ourselves and for how our World exists.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have forsaken that which is real as our Physical Body and our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we lie, cheat, steal and kill our neighbors just so we can be and have more.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we live out our Fears of Survival, and then we Die.

I commit myself to show how in the Name of God we have never known who we can be in and as Self-Honesty and Self-Trust.

I commit myself to show how we Can Forgive our selves through Self-forgiveness

I commit myself to show that humanity requires real compassion and tenderness through first providing support for our Physical bodies and our Physical Reality through an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to show how in One moment, Everything can and Will change with Equal Money because Every Single Living Being will be Provided for – No One will ever again be left behind.

I commit myself to show how Equal Money provides life support for every newborn child where No child will ever again starve to death.

I commit myself to show how we have never required a God to manifest and create that which we are capable of with Equal Money.

I commit myself to show how with Equal Money – All WAR AND FEAR OF SURVIVAL WILL END – Imagine That…

I commit myself to life in supporting a System of Equality where Life becomes a Living Expression of Love as Giving to All that which you would like to Receive.

Day 109: For the Love of God

I reacted today to a comment I read on face book about putting one’s ‘faith in God’ – thus the following Self-Forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and others as myself all the while existing within and as a memory/character of and as my mind within the beLIEf of ‘the Love of God‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children to believe the same lie, where I taught them to have faith in someone, (God), outside of themself instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their world because I perceived ‘the Love of God‘ was easier than facing the lies of/as self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the beLIEf of the ‘love of God’ never question how it is that we’ve come to accept and allow a world/money system that only shine’s it light upon those who are rich, without seeing, realizing and understanding the polarity equation that when there are rich, there has to be those who are poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek shelter from myself as my physical body within and as memories/characters and lies within and as my mind in believing in ‘Love’ and/or the lies of there being a ‘higher power‘ and/or ‘For the Love of God’.

I forgive myself that I have lied, reacted to others, and run away from myself for my whole lIEfe, hiding in and as anger, sadness, sorrow, guilt, remorse and self hatred, where I have feared even communicating because of how I experienced inner emotional conflicts and suppressions and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the BELIEF in the Love of a God to be responsible for and take care of my life because I feared facing me in self intimacy – so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by life and thus betrayed by ‘The Love of God – and, I see, realize and understand how betrayal is that of blame, wherein, ‘For the Love of God‘, I conditionally placed faith, trust and responsibility of myself and my life within the ‘hands’ of another (God) – where I literally submitted myself and my life over to another (God) – where in separation from me as who I am as my physical body within and as our physical reality – I allowed myself to LIE to myself, and thus abdicated myself over to the care of/as a perception in/as my mind in giving permission for ‘the Love of God’, to ‘handle’ my life – instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and my life experiences – thus, when my life hasn’t gone as I’ve ‘hoped’, I’ve felt betrayed because of how I conditionally placed faith and trust and responsibility for me and my life over to and for ‘the Love of God, and, within that, I have accepted and allowed myself to react and exist in/as anger – I stop. I Breathe.

I see, realize and understand how me as anger is only a symptom of my own betrayal because I didn’t take responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I was actually experiencing within myself in how I was blaming my situation and my experience of myself on my parents, my world and society as a whole – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception because I perceived in/as memories/characters of/as my mind that it’s easier to blame someone else separate from me for my life experiences than to take self-responsibility for what it is that I have actually been experiencing within and as me.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to betray and/or deceive me except me.

I commit myself to show how self actually knows that self uses the belief in a God to Not face self and take self-responsibility for what self has accepted and allowed according to what and how our world/money system exists in keeping us enslaved to/as our own fears.

I commit myself to show how through writing, self-forgiveness and in self-honesty, one is able to Stop the fear and thus, Stop the Lie as the belief in a God and/or the Love of God.

I commit myself to show how through self-corrective application one is able to Stop fear and walk in self trust in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and thus show how our world is a reflected manifestation of that which exists within and as each and every single one of us, and how we are individually responsible for how our world/money system exists, thus, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are each able to live, express and apply ourselves in taking self-responsibility for our world in creating Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

(Please read: Day 106: Living the Lie for further perspective.)

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that another Lie is to Deliberately Disregard Physical Evidence as to the History of the Earth and to Promote the Lie of Religion based on the Premise that because the Origin of Life is Not Grasped, it must Come from Some Higher Power, and in One Foul Swoop, the Existence and Allowance and Acceptance of all the Lies as the Weakness of Human Character as that which tends to Lie and Deceive, is Justified and taught to every Child as if it is the Gospel truth – and anyone trying to Question the Lie, is Made out as a Liar, by Spreading Lies and Gossip, because it is Understood that because the Human lies all the Time, the Human will accept Lies as truth and truth as Lies – so, the Big Lie is Safe.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 52: When I Said I Do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and self-interest to be the direction I took in walking the beginning of/as marriage when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the answer given as the solution for a troubled and/or pregnant teen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk down the isle for what I knew in self-honesty was resistance, when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the product of a world/money system where at the time, marriage was the only acceptable solution for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself over and over when I could hardly breathe as I walked down the isle, that everything will be fine when I say I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a marriage ‘ceremony’ that felt more like a ‘show me for the money‘.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system that glorifies marriage with illusions of romantic honeymoons and life long happiness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that marriage is Not just about free opportunities to fuck.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play barbie dolls as a child where I pretended to be married with children, living happily ever after, which was actually my mind as consciousness preparing me for my already pre-programmed existence within my predetermined middle class American life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be part of the American dream which is actually an abSOULute nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire a symbolic commitment written on a piece of paper in order to ‘feel’ secure and trusting to walk hand in hand in this life with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that functions where people in marriages and relationships have automated their abilities to put on a happy face, on the outside, but on the inside, behind close doors, all hell is breaking loose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that doesn’t prepare children with the resources, tools, nor the ability to exist as an effective individual with the ability to support themselves and thus their world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents do Not educate their children, nor prepare them for what it’s like to struggle to survive within capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form the opinion of myself at a very young age within the starting point of fear, in believing that I was always going to require a man/partner to take care of and support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and blame everybody else for the reason our world/money system is such a fuck up, instead of realizing that in fear and self-interest, I didn’t want to face myself within the realization that I am just as responsible for how our world exists as anyone here is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ‘fall in love design of consciousness’, where I believed I would be supported and cared for as long as I followed the rules of the bible in that the eyes of God would care for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the socially acceptable/destructable construct in which to raise a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the creation of marriage as I’ve lived it is a creation of my mind as consciousness where my ego supports the ego formed through and as relationships such as marriage, friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that governs people through justifications to discriminate one’s ability to marry based upon religous beliefs and sexual preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that getting married was actually me fulfilling my fear and self-interest within the desire and need to Not be like my parents when in fact in my attempt to escape being them, I became them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame onto my parents as being the reason for how I’ve experienced myself in/as marriage – instead of realizing that I have manipulated and justified the decisions I’ve made according to self-interest, ego and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a word/money system where the laws have been created to better protect relationships and property – meaning that widows and children are provided for better in death than in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me through living an example of how to master self-responsibility and accountability within self-honesty as an adult within this world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my parents for my marriage failure, and to begin repairing me through self-forgiveness, to stop who I am within the marriage construct and to direct myself in self-honesty to stand and walk in agreement together with my partner as we stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through an Equal Money system we can stop how family and marriage constructs create control within individuals.

I commit myself to stabilizing myself and to show that being able to understand one’s past will change our future in relationships.

I commit myself to show the common sense in educating parents to support their children in self-honesty according to what’s best for all, thus bringing new life on Earth that’s worthy of life in it’s utmost potential.

I commit myself to trust myself in the moment to direct myself, and thus I Do Not require to make fear based symbolic commitments.

I commit myself to show how when we commit ourself to someone it will be because we are directing ourself in the moment as it exists only in the moment, not in the future.

Don’t Be Afraid

Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Don’t be afraid to question what you’ve been raised to believe in, and understand that no one, not even your parents have the right to demand your acceptance of that which you’ve not yet come to realise is worthy of questioning – which is absolutely everything that is here.

Reasons for Sale


When I was a little girl I was always reasoning out in my mind why things are the way they are. Like when I watched the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’, which is a 1939 American musical fantasy film – my reasoning was based on my thoughts about how good it made me feel, and I would get lost in my head to the song in it which was called ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’. So really, the whole thing was just mind masturbation.

But the day comes for us all. We grow up and one day all reasoning is gone and the reasons of money becomes reasoning’s place and before long we understand that Money has always been the ruling reason. Now, having just finished watching the Documentary: The Secret of Oz, I realize even more just how deceptive the reasoning’s of the mind are.

Who knew that, it’s well known to those who’ve studied economics, that ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’, which was written by L. Frank Baum in 1900, was loaded with powerful symbols of monetary reform. The yellow brick road symbolized the gold standard, the emerald city of Oz was that of greenback money and even Dorothy’s slippers – which, in the original book, were silver, (changed to ruby slippers for the movie version) were the symbol of Baum’s s belief that adding silver coinage to gold would provide the much needed money in a depression-strapped, 1890s America.

It’s unbelievable what we’ve overlooked – how Baum’s book, in which he symbolized the greed and downright deception and corruption within our world and our monetary system – was never even recognized because humanity never even noticed. Instead it was made into a theatrical money making multimillion dollar Hollywood movie which sent us all into mental masturbation and then went on to rank among the Top 10 Best Movies of All Times! Truly an Amazing Disgrace.

Every day, more and more, I’m seeing how everything here, it’s All been a pack a lies and it’s always been about money, power and control. The documentary is something one has to see for themself to fully grasp exactly how our current monetary system became the way it is and how there is absolutely nothing that’s going to assist this world until the root of the problem is understood, addressed and a real solution is provided.

It’s not that difficult to see what the real solution is when one begins to understand just how many people struggle with money issues every single day, as opposed to the number of those who are rich and never struggle with day to day worries over money.

Livin paycheck to paycheck and barely making it – it sucks! Money for this – money for that. Money for something to eat, money to have a place to sleep, money to fix the car, money to have the water turned back on, money for electricity and heat, money for clothes, money for school and money to get to work to earn the money for all the above and even money for paper to wipe our ass! Money is the most important thing to us whether we want to admit it or not and it’s time we got real acquainted with how we can stop this shit and redesign our current money system so we can begin to enjoy life.

Look closely – every single person, place and/or thing that exists within our world is for sale with plenty of reasons why.
Even our idea of God is for sale… Tomorrow is Easter. I can remember more than once my reason for not going to church on Easter morning was because I didn’t even have one extra dollar to put into the offering plate that was always passed around during the morning praise and worship service – and honestly, I remember wondering how many other people were as tempted as I was to grab a handful of the cash as it passed in front of me, because I didn’t have enough money to buy food for the week. The fact is, Money is my God, it’s just the truth.

Many people are struggling and even starving to death – just hear this interview: Life Review – Superman of the Streets, it caused me to realize how I know nothing of what real life struggle actually is.

Realize that life as it exists within this world, is not necessary when there is a solution for each one here that is so simple. One Man, One Vote = Equal Money. It’s real. It’s how we bring an end to abuse and suffering.

Watch the documentary: Secret of Oz, and then, Investigate the Solution: Equal Money

“The important point to realize is that money supply are manipulated deliberately –this cause untold suffering, and is a crime that has been allowed for hundreds of years –this means that the politicians, the bankers, the economists , the religious leaders all have a hand in this control and a total disregard for the well being of humanity
Never mind the animals.” – Bernard Poolman

2012 – How I’ve come to Value the ‘Message of Desteni’

From the moment I watched my first Desteni video, as well as reading the massive amounts of material on the Desteni Universe website – I was pretty much hooked. And, I had just 3 months prior to that spent two weeks in jail, from an unpaid traffic ticket of which I was supposed to do community service on – and I lacked a few hours of community service so I was arrested and put in jail for 26 days without bond. Now, as it turned out, I had a twisted my ankle and, I had crutches and so, the first 2 days of my time in jail was spent in solitary confinement. I did end up getting out 2 weeks later for good behavior.

But, those first 48 hours in solitary confinement had posed an interesting question to myself in that: I didn’t have the t.v. to look at, I didn’t have entertainment, I didn ‘t have,,, I wasn’t able to smoke, I was still smoking then. And, I wasn’t able to take drugs – I was on pain pills.

And I, all I had was myself. All I had was my thoughts and, for 48 hours I sit in the room – a little square cemented room and, avoided my thoughts, tried to sleep away my thoughts – just wanted to be out of there. I didn’t want to be locked away with the amount of thoughts that I begin to realize I had going on within my mind.

And so, that was a particularly amazing wake-up call for myself, actually. And so, when I heard the Desteni message, and I began to hear them speak about how to stop fear, and how to stop your thoughts – and to face yourself in self-honesty and to apply self-forgiveness – I remember literally realizing how valuable those tools would have been for me when I was in a 48 hour solitary confinement, as well as the rest of the two weeks that I was there.

And so, the fact that I could see myself within the material that they were presenting, and I saw the common sense, and I began to hear and, make sense of within myself – it was as though the message resonated within me in a way that I didn’t really understand but, I knew that it, it rang true, and that this very well could be a way to stop the fears that I had been participating in.

You know my grandmother used to tell me, when things get too much for you, just tie a knot and hang on. But the fact is, I was at the end of the rope and there was no more rope to tie a knot to hang on. And, I was disgusted and, pissed off, at myself, for the decisions that I had made and for the lack of responsibility, and I didn’t even ever consider not hearing the message from the moment I began to hear it.

And, another point stood out to me was, how we can have one singular memory, and that particular memory – it controls us. And, we base our decisions and, who we are, and our actions, according to one singular memory. And that rang true with me because, from the time that I was five years old, I can remember a memory that, as I looked at it closer, I could tell how I had literally just compounded, and compounded that memory with another memory right on top of it, in my attempts to avoid the original point within me that I was not facing within that memory – within the fears, and the judgments, and the self-justifications, and the points of manipulation that I existed as – that I applied myself as in order to validate myself through other people. Simply avoidance of self and avoidance of self-responsibility.

And, the point was validated through my relationship with my step-father, through which I would have statements of information that I had thought of, or heard, or seen, or read about things, or people, or situations – and within that I formed emotional feeling connotations within my own mind. And then, within the emotional feeling connotations, I could relate that statement of information, based on my past experiences with my step-dad, I identified with that statement of information and I validated it based on self-identity and self-definition. It was what I was ‘believing’ it to be, and ‘thinking’ about it to be, and judging myself accordingly, and believing that my step dad hated me – and when really, it wasn’t that case at all. I got to a point where I actually believed the man was abusive to me and, he wasn’t – no more than any other parent struggling to make ends meet and, just working to provide for their children.

Just that alone – the money – plays such a factor in our survival that we tend to become short with our children and, we have expectations of them that we wouldn’t normally have if we weren’t already experiencing the pressures of providing for them. In our current money system, that is how our families exist. That is how all relationships exist.

As I began to apply self forgiveness, was very cool to realize that one particular memory I had was when I turned 12 years old on my birthday, and my,,, I was asleep in my bedroom that morning, and my dad just come bursting into my bedroom and started spanking me and, I was asleep I didn’t understand what the hell was going on. I remembered thinking, more than anything, that like, ‘what the fuck did I do’, and when I heard my mom say ‘happy birthday’ – that they said they were playing – and within that moment, I became just humiliated and embarrassed and pissed more than anything. And I had thoughts of ‘how dare him’, ‘who does he think he is doing this to me on my birthday, it’s not funny’. And for years I carried around that singular memory of what I thought of him that day.

The way that I would experience myself in my life around my dad, my step-dad and, around men in general, was completely related to that particular memory. So, as I was applying and finishing up a lesson in Desteni I Process, I began to walk that memory construct of that particular morning when he came in there, and an interesting thing that I became aware was: a point within myself on that morning when he was spanking me was that I, for a brief moment, I knew that he was playing, but I didn’t allow myself to be aware of it at that particular moment. Because, I was too busy enjoying being pissed off. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

But, what was interesting to me the most was: I had not remembered that moment. I had not remembered that I knew he was playing. Until I walked this point, this construct in my Desteni I Process Lesson and, that’s when I went: I knew this all along. But yet, for 40 years, I allowed myself to abuse myself, and as such, I literally abused the rest of my world.

It’s not always particularly easy when you realize that you that you’ve accepted and allowed – just through participation in self-judgment, in greed, and self-interest – within those participations with the thought processes that go on with the amount of dishonesty that self exists as within that, and the lack of equality against life – it literally begins to manifest and, that is how we have created this world as it is.

So, these singular memory points was a point of polarity in the good/bad, right/wrong and fluctuations of energy within that – as far as one moment I was up, one moment I was down, I was up and down and up and down. And, when I began to hear the Desteni Message, I was, I knew that I didn’t have anywhere else to go except to face myself within.

What Desteni proposes is, in-fact as real as I’ve ever known anything to be. And, it is been the most rewarding journey that I’ve ever personally experienced and, it’s not even honestly an experience, it’s a, a becoming aware of yourself, and the responsibility that you actually carry, as well as each and every living being here, in bringing about a world that supports according to what’s best for all. That actually cares what happens to another. That is actually interested, that considers that there are actually children starving to death daily – thousands of children. And, realizing yourself within it.

And it’s a process I am continuing to walk and, realizing what I’ve accepted as far as that point of acceptance within myself – that point of acceptance that goes beyond anything of worth to self, other than knowing that you’re reaching this core part of yourself where you can actually reverse who you have been – you can actually reverse the madness, and the bullshit, that you’ve participated in through personalities and identities.

And, you begin to look at and you go: Uh, I know how it wasn’t real. I see now that I could have breathed through that, that I can breathe through that and, I do not have to be affected by it. I do not have to have points of energy that create a point of polarity within myself – remain within the physicalness of it all so, we can bring about a world that we can begin with an Equal Money System. A World that we’ll actually exist where we’re not competing, and we’re not existing in greed, and we’re not trying to outdo and outlast, and out-earn, and outplay, and we’ll be able to enjoy each other. To actually enjoy each other’s expression – where we’re not anticipating ourselves to be competing, in one way or another just to survive.

So, that is how the Desteni Message caused me to listen and, because of that direction that I chose, I have given myself the ability to re-educate myself, and to build self-trust, through investigating my world. And, not assuming and accepting what it is that is before me, whether it’s starvation or judgment, or animosity, or guilt – and, being able to recognize those points of self, that self has existed as, is remarkable, and it is something that is worth investigating, just to see for yourself.

It’s an accumulation of walking a process daily: Breathing and remaining aware of yourself. And, sometimes I fall. But, I already know – I have an agreement with myself and that agreement is: I have the will to continue to assist and support in bringing about an Equal Money System, and Heaven on Earth. To bring about a world where all life can actually express, and be and live abundantly with each other. And, that is how Desteni has assisted me. They’ve assisted me to realize myself within everything that’s here.

And, the point of ‘Equality’ was, at first, difficult for me to comprehend, and that was just a point of acceptance within myself, because I had accepted the way the world is and the way the struggles continue. And, once you begin to actually investigate, you begin to see that it’s really was just a point of a ‘lack of education’. And now, I’m aware of how an Equal Money System is the Ultimate Solution.

One must become willing to realize that the change that is required in this world is first required within self, in self-honesty. And then, once that begins, you can begin to will yourself to investigate and educate yourself with regards to how we can create heaven on earth with an Equal Money System.

This post is the transcription from my vlog titled: 2012 – How I’ve come to Value the ‘Message of Desteni’

Investigate Equal Money

Compassion in Action


The Compassion of the Light (Compassion in Action) By Bernard Poolman – 4 October 2009
Hear the audio uploaded to Sound Cloud within Blog

What is an `Act of Compassion´ – given Everything you know about Reality… Would you say, if I may, `it is to love-them in Spite-of Everything´ –
-“No”
-Why not? Would that be `spiteful´ – to ‘love-them’?
-“It would be deceptive – It would be an acceptance…”
-Who would be `spited´ by-it?
-“Everyone.”
-Would you say – it would be `to carry their burden – and find a Way for-them´-
-“ No – `to carry their burden…´”
– = their Pain – where they carry/care? get anymore – you carry-it – because you `understand´ –
-“ Okay… Who are we talking-about though?”
-Oh Everything – Compassion!
-“ Are we talking about those that have no-Voice in this world, are we talking about those that cannot Stand-up for-themselves – or are we talking about those who deliberately…”
– How can those that is pre-programmed `stand-up for-themselves´?
Can they? Can they Hear-you?
-“ No…”
-They can´t Hear-you.
So would it be compassionate to `accept the Fact that they can´t Hear-you´?
-“ Yea.”
-Would it?
Or would it be Compassion to go out-of `your way´ to `shake-them´ and `break-them´ until they Hear?
-“ But within that you accept that they are `not-Hearing´- that´s why you´re doing-that.”
– Yes – but are you going to `accept-them´ for `what they are´ without Action?
-“ No.”
– So what Action would you Take – `compassionately-speaking´ –
-“ Whatever Action it-takes to `shake-them´.”
– Okay – and if you `feel-like´ "Oh I can´t really write a comment because they might `feel that I´m attacking-them´ – or they might `feel´ that I´m going a little-bit `over-board´ and then I´m gonna be in an `argument´…" – I mean – "I can´t really tell-it to-them `as it is´… -I rather just shut-up"… What are you doing then?
-“ That´s `compassion´ with your-own Fear”
– That´s `compassion with Fear´-
Then what…What is Compassion? I mean – at the moment, a Minimum of a Million-Beings -a Minimum!- of a Million-Beings are Dying – right-Now! What is Compassion within That-Context?
If it was You – would you´ve felt Alone, Rejected, Desolated, Isolated, Lost, Angry?
-“ Yea, I guess-so.”
– Would-have that made-it Possible for-you to become the next Demon in Existence?
-“ Yea.”
– Now if you don´t – and you try and ‘understand-it all’, just to ‘do-it again’ – would that be an ‘Act of Compassion’? Or would it be an ‘Act of Compassion’ to become the fiercest-Demon in Existence?
-“ To become the fiercest-Demon in Existence.”
– `In the flesh´ or Not-`in the flesh´ – no-matter where you are – to never give-up, to never-stop – `till Everyone Realize and See ‘each-other´s Plight’ – this ‘eternal-Fight’ with apparent `goodness´ & `badness´ – `good´ & `evil´ = See what is really going-on!
How-far will you Go? What…When is-it `Compassion´?
When – when – when is it `Compassion´? When is your-Act `compassionate´? When does `love´ exist? `Love´ is: an `Act of Compassion´ – an Act of `Understanding the Experience of the Being´ and finding a Solution that it (the suffering) is not needed or required to be Repeated-endlessly, needlessly, pointlessly, purposelessly –
Could there be `Purpose and Reason´ while this is all going-on? – Or is `Purpose and Reason´ a Deception? Is there any other Purpose in Existence – but: To absolutely-Embrace the Suffering of others until there is No-more Suffering – would that-be an Act of Compassion?
-“ Yea.”
– No-matter what `happens´ to your `good-Name´, your `good-Standing´, your `good-ness´ in Existence – until there is No-more Suffering! Can you Do-that? Can you Give-up Everything `till All is Equally Free – Would that be Compassion –
Would that be a Passion for Life?
Are you willing to Give-up your own-Existence in every-way – until there is: Equal Life – Equal Freedom – Equal Existence for All sentient-Beings – Would that be Compassion? Then one must Ask-yourself – if you are `compassionate´… Would that be `Benevolence´? Then you must Ask-yourself – if you are `benevolent´.
How-far will you Go, if you See – and you-Can if you are Self-Honest: See in this World how-far is things taken to promulgate and promote Suffering of Many – while Few live-in ‘Luxury’, apparent Freedom, apparently `protected by `God´´ – apparently this `God´ is `compassionate´ and this `God´ is `benevolent´ –
but do You see an End in-sight – of the Suffering? Can you see the End of Suffering – Self-Honestly speaking?
-“No.”
-No.
Are you doing-Enough = to End this Suffering – Self-Honestly speaking?
No.
First of-all – I would go and -as-far as one go- Correct the Misconceptions about the Veils that is placed over Words: What is `Compassion´ Really? What is `Love´ Really? And call-out the ‘Deceivers in-Existence’ – those that Dare to ‘color-in’ Words ‘beautifully’ so that they may Hide behind-them their ‘True-Malevolence’ – their ‘True Self-Interest’, while Many-Suffer.
If you cannot Feel the Pain and Carry the Pain, Stand as the Pain and Take the Pain and bear-it within your own-Being – Every-Breath – ´till this is Done = you have-not Embraced `Compassion´ –
If you Walk `with-Ease´ – without-Pain = you have-Not Embraced `Compassion´ –
If you can Sleep without Pain – if you can Breathe without Pain = you are Not Embracing Compassion – you are Not Carrying it…the Pain of others that is unable to carry-it, that don´t know `what else to-do´,
that are relentlessly-`Driven´ to Absolute-powerl…to Absolute-levels of `Emotional-Disturbance´ that will take-them to an `demonic-existence of Anger and Resentment´ –
If you do-not carry-it to the Brink-of your very-own Death = there is No-Compassion.
And – Existence is going to Need a lot-of Compassionate-Beings: to solve This-Dilemma that is existent, that has been `veiled´ by Many-Veils.
Every-Word carries many-Veils.
Ask-yourself: What is True-Compassion? Stand there, where the Animal is being Slaughtered: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion. Stand there, where the Child is being Raped: and Ask-yourself. Stand there, where War Wages – Stand there, where there is Abuse: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion. Stand there, where many `drink and party´, oblivious to what´s going-on: and Ask-yourself what is true-Compassion.

Copyright 2009 Desteni Universe This may be shared in the original form only, to prevent any tampering and only as a complete document.