Tag Archive | enlightenment

Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

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So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Investigate Living Income Guaranteed

Day 185: Surviving Doomsday 2012

In September of 2007 my partner and I began to read and listen to David Icke which quickly stirred up quite a bit of fear especially with regards to his talk about reptilians. It was around the same time that we began to read some things written by the Galactic Federation of Light. Their message was that we would be having some visitation from ‘another world’ and how ‘the visitors’ would be lending us their assistance from the mess we’ve accumulated here on earth.

It was then that we also began to hear about the Mayans. The Mayans were apparently skilled mathematicians and thus according to ancient Mayan writings and 2012 calendar predictions, the end of the world will be December 21st, 2012 – or 17 days from this moment as I’m writing this.
Surviving Doomsday
It’s interesting now as I look back on myself and see the extensive amount of fear that I existed in and as. The reptilian info from David Icke, the things written by the Galactic Federation and then the doomsday predictions surrounding the Mayan calendar – that’s when me and my partner began purchasing items that we ‘believed’ would assist us to ‘survive’. We bought pamphlets with information about the basics of surviving in the wilderness.

We began to look at our finances to see how and when we could begin building our Doomsday Survival Kit beginning with the following:

Doomsday Survival Kit

Food for at least a year

Seeds of vegetables, grains, rice and seed-potatoes

A source of light, a source of fire, a dependable source of water

Essential equipment to start a mini-civilization

Blankets

Extra warm clothing and boots etc.

If possible: supply of antibiotics

Over the counter medications as needed and Antiseptic

Assortment of survival books

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Obviously we weren’t to sure about the idea of ascending, but we sure as hell wanted to make sure we were ready for what looked like was going to be the end of the world.

We could no longer deny how Capitalism and the Corporate giants have taken away any chance for the majority of us to live in any manner other than the daily grind of struggling to survive, so, the idea of a doomsday actually provided an energetic glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe this would be the thing to bring about some change within our world.

Of course, we were wrong. We were stuck in a cycle of wanting a hero to come save us because at the time, we never considered that we each one of us must take self-responsibility for what is here, for what we’ve accepted and allowed. To actually change self from within in a way that will have a direct effect on life for all living beings according to what’s best for all.

We didn’t consider anyone except ourselves. And then, in November of 2007, we happened across some videos on youtube by Desteni Universe. In their videos they spoke of the Reptilians, David Icke, the Galactic Federation, the Mayan Calendar Doomsday Prophecies and about Equality. Their message was common sense and it resonated with us both.

It was interesting because, the more I heard and read the Desteni message of Equality, the less and less afraid I was and the more stable I became. They spoke of self-honesty and self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility for who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become. The Desteni Message made more sense than anything we’d ever heard before and the brutal honesty in their words rang true within us in a way we could not deny. We began to apply the tools of self-forgiveness and slowly began to realize ourself in self-honesty.

So now here we are – fast forward 5 years. December 21st 2012 is fast approaching and our doomsday list is long been thrown away. I’ll speak for myself, though my partner will agree, lol – the idea of doomsday holds absolutely no fear,  and for sure it holds absolutely no meaning or importance to us.  It’s just another day and another way of Capitalism/Consumerism.

Just this week-end as my partner and I were watching The Power Principle – Part 1 and The Power Principle – Part 2. We recalled when we first began reading the Desteni material – how the very facts presented in the documentary The Power Principle – were the very things suggested by Desteni to investigate within our world.

There has Never been a moment during our 5 year walk with/as Desteni that we’ve been told or asked to believe in something.  On the contrary – Desteni has always insisted that we each Investigate and Educate ourselves with regards to how and why Everything is as it is and exists within out World!

And, why wouldn’t we be willing to Investigate Everything here – including the goings on and the hidden agenda that has driven for example ourAmerican foreign policy over the last seven decades?

How come we’re so willing to accept what we’re told and lead to believe by the media when the facts and the nature of our corrupted and abusive world/money systems exist in every corner of our world to be seen.

It’s NO accident that most of us are willing to participate in a doomsday hoax and completely ignore the constant flow of consequences that exists within our daily lives – as we struggle to make sense of the horror we feel as the panic inside our gut when we realize: We’re Almost out of MONEY, What’ll we do now to Survive?

Investigate and Support: Equal Money

Watch all three of The Power Principle
The Power Principle – I: Empire
The Power Principle – II: Propaganda
The Power Principle – III Apocalypse

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Day 118: Angelic Warfare

The ‘healthy’ cereal bars that contain more sugar than a can of cola and as much fat as cheese

Scientists aren’t quite ready to lump sugar addiction in with heroin addiction even though research has proved that sugar influences the same “feel-good” brain chemicals as that of the hardest drugs available to man. But, I mean, look at all the profit being made off of products laced with sugar. When we finally see the common sense for ourself – we’re going to ask ourselves why we’ve accepted a few to profit over OUR World when All Life can be supported as Heaven on Earth.

Make no mistake about it, alcohol is the only substance deadlier than sugar. The thing about sugar is, you have to apply and understand moderation, and, the accumulation effect of sugar in how sugar ‘gains control’.

In small amounts, sugar accumulates within our physical body over time. Add in all those pre-programmed holiday moments where we overindulge in the sweetest things. Look closely because there’s a secret to be individually understood. Our secret mind and sugar work well in supporting each other – both manifest decay unto our physical body.

I’ve been investigating the point for just over six months now – seeing the results for myself of stopping sugar. Obviously sugar is in everything – however, my total caloric intake daily, from processed sugar, hasn’t went above 8 grams, and, I allow myself at least 2 to 4 servings of fresh fruit and vegetables daily.

Three months after stopping sugar, I gave in and awarded ‘my mind’ a small piece of chocolate pie, and, just a week ago, after ‘feeling’ stressed out, I again allowed myself some chocolate pie. My partner is witness to the change in my behavior both times. The days following my acceptance was Mental Hell.

It wasn’t until I stopped eating sugar that I began to realize how severe the mental and physical withdrawal is from eating and/or stopping sugar and in how and what self manifests in doing so, such as: depression, fatigue, irritability/mood swings, dizziness and confusion. That’s just to name a few of the many obsessive compulsive behaviors one experiences when one eats sugar daily – as well as what one experiences for a short while when stopping sugar.

When we consume sugar daily, it fuels/fools our mind as consciousness in believing that we’re ‘doing ok’, as long as, we keep eating it. The first week of stopping sugar is very difficult. However, every day after that one begins to see subtle mental and physical changes that are accumulating daily. My skin is softer and clearing. I require less sleep and I’ve become more patient with myself and others.

Investigate for yourself by stopping sugar so you can see for yourself. And until then – Support Your Children – STOP purchasing products laced in sugar which support the rich to get richer while the poor cave into the cavities of a world/money system that has yet to support All Life.

The way in which we as humans consume is deadly because our starting point is self-interest and greed in our struggle to survive. Sugar is here as the sweet little white stuff that’s legal.

It gives us that sweet quick fix of comfort within an illusion of control which keeps us following the rules of and as the good slave.

Angelic Warfare – where sugar is the substance that makes the Devilish ‘Feel’ Angelic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed products with sugar in them to my children simply because I never considered to investigate my starting point in consuming and the effects sugar has on our physical body and our physical reality. Thus, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to investigating for myself what is physically supportive for our bodies and our Physical reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing the rush in me when consuming sugar, wherein I experience and exist as a lust in separation from life within an energetic spin, where I loose sight of the decay I’m accepting and allowing unto me as my physical body. I Stop. I Breathe. I realize myself here as my physical body in/as blood, cells, flesh and bone which supports me within this physical reality – I commit myself to me as my physical body to care for myself within the starting point of equality – in realizing that within the starting point of consumption and greed is destruction of/as life. I Stop the Angelic Sugar consumption as Warfare upon our Physicality. I commit myself to supporting life with an Equal Money System which will be supportive in manifesting Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself for not realizing my emotional attachments and addiction to certain foods wherein I have overindulged within the starting point of my mind as desire, thus, I commit myself to free myself from the desire of my mind, to direct myself to breathe and realize myself within the ability to eat food that will assist and support me as my physical body to function and exist at its optimum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where products are laced with sugar, promoted, sold and willingly fed to children for the sake of profit.

I commit myself to me as my physical body in realizing that sugar fuels/fools every cell within me as it influences, controls and overloads me as my physical body the same as any street drug high affects an addict.

I commit myself to life in supporting a world/money system which supports children, animals, All living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully comprehend the meaning of moderation, wherein I have become the one who consumes in the race to have more than my neighbor – instead of realizing that our earth provides more than enough to sustain everyone.

I commit myself to life in support of an Equal Money System whereas All living beings will be provided with food production that focuses on effective healthy living with the outcome of longevity in support of our physical body and our physical reality.

**Please investigate the truth about sugar in a video called: The Bitter Truth.

Day 90: BeHolden

Continuation of the following blogs:
Day 87: Feels so good, Hurts so bad – –
Day 88 – 89: BeLonging
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be indebted and/or beholden to/as our current world/money system where through relationship ties we compete against one another using jealousy, greed and money to WIN – as if life is a game.

I commit myself to educating myself in how memories create how we become in DEBT to ourselves and others according to/through Self-INTEREST, as the attention we give to the mind.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand how my mother is my mirror and I am hers according to how for generation after generation we’ve existed where each child is/has been conditioned through/as their parents into our own alternate mind realities where we exist with absolutely no consideration for anything and/or anyone except that of pleasing ourself, in/as and through living as memories/personalities of/as our parents, which we accept/allow and create in/as our minds and then try and manifest them into and as our physical body/reality/world in/as self-interest/need/want/desire and greed.


I commit myself to stop existing within a character of guilt as a mother in fear, wherein I withdraw into myself as if there’s a ball of suppression/ burden within the pit of my stomach in regret and sorrow, in worrying about how my children will survive tomorrow thus, I stop. I breathe. I realize that to exist within guilt and fear is draining life from me as my physical body and, I am no longer willing to accept that, therefore, I direct myself and take self-responsibility and prove to myself who I am willing myself to be in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose the polarity equation of love and hate and to stop placing value within illusions of feeling good according to memories/characters/ personalities, because I see, realize and understand that doing so completely forsakes our responsibilities to the children within our world who require that we as adults assist and support them in common sense – instead of feelings and emotions – to prepare them to take self-responsibility in order to lead the way in manifesting/creating a world/money system which will support All life according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see myself existing within a point of guilt and fear, where I see how I want to swoop in and ‘save’ my children through financial means and/or taking responsibility for them, in attempting to ‘fix’ their world so they’ll ‘feel’ better, I Stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand how the only way to support them is to support myself even if it means that they have to fall in order to stand because I see, realize and understand how ultimately the only solution that will ensure a world worthy of children is that of an Equal Money System and thus in supporting ourselves with Equal Money we’re supporting All.

I see, realize and understand how important it is to assist and support myself in walking this process of self-forgiveness, to be able to align myself with walking equal to and one with existence and to stop accepting and allowing guilt/fear/characters/personalities/thoughts/feelings and emotions to exist as me which has perpetuated the suffering, pain and consequences that is existent within this existence.


I commit myself to stop longing for belongings in order to provide an addition to myself as something pleasing in order to ‘feel’ as if I ‘belong’.

I commit myself to stop seeing my children as if they’re a box of objects of/for use as effects in order to show off, and/or to make me ‘feel’ better about myself simply because I don’t want to face me and the Mess I’ve accepted and allowed within this world/money system.

I commit myself to show that the only right a parent has is the right to take self-responsibility in supporting a world that guarantees No child goes without food, a home, clothes, clean water, an education and healthcare.

I commit myself to stop jealousy, self-interest and greed in realizing that to exist as such further fuels our mind as consciousness which keeps us enslaved to our current world/money system, thus I commit myself to show how in order to stop the pain and suffering that currently exists within our world, we must first stop, forgive and direct ourselves according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how our world requires an education system that will prepare each one of us to become a self-aware, responsible part of the human race that lives a fulfilled and productive life of happiness and fun and, how Equal Money will ensure that everybody will be effectively educated to live in harmony with everything here including, plants, animals and our environment.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body, to comprehend how life here on earth is a living representation of how, who and what exists within the mind-physical body of/as the human.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to:How a Child Learns from the Mother: DAY 96)

Day 88 – 89: BeLonging

Continuation from: Day 87: Feels so good, Hurts so bad – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as an illusion of control to/towards my children/relationships, wherein the nature of who I am is one of thinking/believing that someone is mine, thus, I can raise my children however I please because, ‘they BELONG to me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a belief that I have the right to teach my child the same wants, needs and desires that I have existed as, wherein through fear, guilt, jealousy and an illusion of control, I have abused who I am as my physical body and my physical reality in order to have relationships/experiences according to my wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my children were younger, to see my social life as more important than the life of my children, where I lacked preparing them to take self-responsibility for themselves and/as all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance of teaching my children how vital it is to investigate who we are as our physical body – instead of pursuing ourselves in/as Memories/characters/personalities according to how we’ve been pre-programmed from the lives of generations before us.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unable/unwilling to answer the question, ‘why did you bring a child into this world knowing full well the struggle of survival that the child will face being born within our current/world/money system’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in self-interest and greed not consider how – who we are as our mind as consciousness – is only out to satisfy and fuel itself as a way of keeping us enslaved to our current world/money system – how everything here is here to support the very EVIL we LIVE as, as that which we call life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE so wrapped up in/as my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, that it didn’t occur to me that I am the one who decides who I am and how and what I accept and allow, thus, whatever is here, is here only because I / We accept and allow it and therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as characters/personalities of/as my mind, allowed myself to distract myself from seeing the pain and suffering existent as life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not walk as a living example for my children in teaching/showing/preparing them how to care for our physical bodies and our physical reality, including the animals and plants, our earth, the trees, our water, the air we breathe, and the dirt we walk on/as – within the realization of how we as our physical body and our physical reality is how we are able to exist here, thus, to abuse anyOne and/or anything, is to abuse All and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully comprehend how life here on earth is a living representation of how, who and what exists within the mind-physical body of/as the human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how important it is to investigate/teach ourselves and our children to communicate with and as our physical body to understand the meaning of how/why we experience pain within and as it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to through fear and guilt, avoided physical touch with/as my children as they grew older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when jealousy exists within me, then the illusion of control exist within me, because within the nature of jealousy toward another, I am actually trying to protect and defend/control my children/relationship within the context of how I want another to be with regards to how I want our relationship/experience to be – according to how I want to experience myself within the context of the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how through my mind as jealousy, I have existed in/as a state of demonism where I have accepted and allowed jealousy and control as me, and as such, I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely taken over in/as experiences of myself where jealousy and control take over the context of my relationships within and as me as my physical body and within our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in the very beginning of my relationships, I have accepted and allowed a pre-conceived idea, which I have superimposed onto my relationships according to how I want the relationship to be, thus, jealousy and control are the components I’ve used to keep the relationship going according to how I desire it to be, because I try and control the relationship by becoming jealous of others who I see as a threat toward my desire, want and need, in how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that within my illusion of control I fail to see that I am not in-fact in control of the relationship because within my illusion of control what I’m actually trying to do is to manifest and create into reality my wants, needs and desires which is the point behind control in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to motivate all of my relationships according to how I want, need and desire them to be and within that I believed myself as having control, when in fact I’ve only been supporting my own self-interest in/as my mind as consciousness in order to get and have experiences of myself according to how I want them to be and to hell with how anyone else has to experience themselves within this world/money system of/as poverty, starvation and greed.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have let jealousy within the relationship of/as inferiority/superiority to control who I am within my relationship to/toward myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others as my belongings – in how I have created relationships over and over again through my wants, needs and desires as jealousy within the illusion of control in/as superiority and inferiority, where I feel inferior to that which I’ve not understood in how the relationship exists superior in relation to me in how and what I’m accepting and allowing and thus, I’ve continued to seek myself within the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately generate energy within myself for the purposes of having illusions within wants, needs, desires, control, jealousy and, superiority and inferiority – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding how me as my mind and my physical body within our physical reality, is here as a gift to assist and support our process of realizing who we are as Life, thus I forgive myself that I have taken for granted that which I am, as my physical body within this physical reality, and I direct myself here according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where children are not heard, seen, recognized, loved, noticed and/or wanted within this world because if they were, then every child born would be guaranteed a lifetime of food, a home, clean water, clothes, healthcare and a proper education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be chased by desire, want and need to be important, to be noticed, to be recognized, to be appreciated, to be accepted, to be desired, to be loved and to be wanted – all of which are attributes within my mind as Ego, where I have placed myself on a pedestal in my own world, even before my children, and have ignored the atrocities that exist within this world, because of my idea as being more superior than everyone else within a less than idea of myself, within my mind as ego in how and what I’ve perceived according to how/what I was taught and learned as being the ‘right way’ and thus, I raised my children accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am responsible for me as my mind and my physical body as well as how our physical world/reality exists, according to what I / We have accepted and allowed within a world/money system that is Not supportive of All living beings and, that I / We decide and determine how our world exists – as such I / We are able to Stop accepting and allowing abuse within our world/money system and to instead stand up as One Man One Vote in support of an Equal Money system, which will support All Life Equal in all ways.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Parenting Building a Child’s Character)

Day 87: Feels so good, Hurts so bad

Investigating a point that come up today – where I see that a point of guilt is always here as me as a mother. Thus, here sharing Self-forgiveness Statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry guilt and fear within my solar plexus as I withdraw into myself into a pit of anxiety where I’ve manifested pain as regret for the sorrows of tomorrow according to how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as in guilt and fear of today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how when one becomes pregnant and has a child, one is in-fact thus enslaved to/as the life of the child for the rest of one’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character of guilt, where, as a mother, through my own acceptance I have existed within a belief that to love one’s child is protect and rescue them from their mistakes – instead of understanding and living as an example of what it is take self-responsibility for self as our physical body as well as our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how polarity exists in/as love/hate equations/relationships – such as between mother and child – where to love gives an illusion of ‘feeling’ good, yet within that are the lies inFLUenced and manifested in/as pain which hurts so bad because we hold them within and as our physical body and thus project and pass the sins of the fathers as our famiLIEs onto our children in/as MEmories/Characters/Personalities and thoughts and illusions within our mind and within our physical body where we beLIEf the lies of how life will be when we have a baby even though we have actually no idea how it will be, nor are we prepared in any way to assist the child to become someone who will take self-responsibility for their physical body and our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as guilt, let my child get away with everything in how they behaved because I didn’t want to see them experience themselves as sad and depressed or hurt and suffer in any way because I was existing in guilt according to how I see myself through my minds-eyes as not being a mother who takes self-responsibility for her physical body, nor this physical reality and so everything I have seen in relation to my children, I have seen through guilt which I projected as love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how in having a child, it is my absolute responsibility to remember how that, every single second of my life will be with the child and that my absolute responsibility is their future within this world/reality – a physical lifetime.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that love as I have lived it, to/towards my children, has in-fact, Not been a real expression of self as love – but has been me living in and as an expression of guilt – how within my interactions with my children, I attempt to give my children everything possible in order to try and ‘make’ them ‘feel’ better within their lives, thus existing within the starting point of guilt and therefore, I’ve never actually loved my children as who they are as a being as a part of me within the relationship of equality and oneness.

to be continued

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(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Parenting Building a Child’s Character)

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“I allowed my children all things and made sure I am with them to guide them through it so that they can see for themselves if it is acceptable or not.

All directive guidance is based on placing yourself in the shoes of others and to see if you would like to have things happen to you or not.

One cannot prevent all things, but you can establish at this stage a model of communication where the child will feel free to trust you with anything –therefore one cannot be reactive at all, escpecially in the first 7 years.

When they are older, it is important to also teach them skills to handle conflict –that no conflict must be ruled by fear or anxiety –breath and remain here and respond with common sense.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 9: Matters of The Heart and Soul are Paved In Money

I used to believe that when I died I was going to heaven – the idea was that in order to make the journey, I required a ‘soul’ – which I connected with my heart area as being the place where the invisible thing, (the soul) was located. I didn’t realize then that the context of my belief was paved in matters of money because my ideas/beliefs/hopes and dreams for a life that I’d have waiting for myself after I die was within a belief rooted as the very foundation in which I’ve existed as as I’ve walked this earth.

The very relationship I defined myself to according to how I struggled in my numerous attempts to survive within our current world/money system, is all the same game… In my mind – the heaven I envisioned was rich in money with streets of gold and castles of silver protected by pearly gates.

It’s all quite absurd to me now, not only that I believed in a nice cozy heaven, but that the only way I was able to see a future for myself in such a heaven, was the same as envisioning a future for myself here on earth – of which there isn’t one, without money. It’s an interesting challenge for self and a worthwhile journey – to become aware of and be able to through self-forgiveness, and in self-honesty – stop the delusions of the mind. Join Us

Art By Matti Freeman

I forgive myself for always having to have money in order to see a future for myself here on earth as well as a made-up illusion called heaven as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on money so much that I never saw how I was existing with no self integrity and/or self value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when a person dies their ‘soul’ become a ‘spirit’ and is thus only then separated from their body.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to within the soul construct fear to change, so much so that I’ve avoided changing because I didn’t want to give something/someone up for fear something might happen if I give it/them up and then I won’t Feel the same so in fact I fear Not Feeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others interpretations of the bible to determine who I am – instead I stop. I breathe – I forgive myself and release the enslavement of mind control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my soul rises to God after death to be judged on where it will go next, (Heaven or Hell) – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how it doesn’t make sense as the bible refers to the soul as being the mind and as such I have proved to myself how the mind as consciousness is not and cannot be trusted in it’s direction for and as life because life here as it currently exists is experienced as a place of immense suffering, pain and atrocity – Instead I Stop. I Breathe. I stand and direct myself in and as self-honesty according to the principle of what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the beliefs/opinions of others unto myself of which I had no clue or understanding of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use justification as a defense mechanism through fear of being wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the soul was the heart of me as self – instead of realizing that the soul of this existence rests Only in the hands of those with Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of love of the heart and everlasting light – instead of realizing that the I acceptance of that begins in the mind as thoughts and manifests results as feelings and emotions within my physical body which is actually fear, suppression and self-denial and, an abdication of and as all life itself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny that Money Is the backbone and reason for every religious doctrine existent and practiced.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become angry and judge old people as dumb and stupid for their beliefs and sayings of ‘bless his soul’ – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding them to be what’s left of a being as the life long living sign and a deadly give away as the reason why something here is amiss proving the mind as consciousness is crippling and must be stopped immediately through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was a good soul because I worked my ass off to provide for my children when in fact I was existing within an energetic high of and as the Ego.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always strive for love, light and positivity instead of realizing that what I was really striving for was to become, have and be more than others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to constantly only think about myself making money and what did I had to do next in order to do what I wanted to do which was really what I wanted to buy and/or what I thought I needed wherein I became so consumed that I didn’t even hear my own children telling me to slow down, breathe, and see and hear them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by the light of consciousness wherein I was consumed with hurrying and thoughts of ‘I have to get this done’ so I can hurry and experience that, all within the starting point of energy consumed with wanting and desiring more.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to convince myself within the polarity point of good/bad in telling myself that my intensions were good when in fact they were only paved in the energy of getting/having and seeking to make more money.

I forgive myself for deceiving myself into believing that I wanted everyone to experience bountifulness when in fact I secretly existed in greedy plans of having, needing and getting more than others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be selfish, impatient and insecure wherein I make mistakes, and was out of control, and, have been at times hard to handle and, where within it all, the core starting point was my fear of losing and/or not being able to have enough money to provide the best for my babies.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept something/someone into my heart that was suppose to save me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so I was denying life and denying my right to exist as life. I stop. I breathe. I direct me in and as self-honesty – I forgive myself.

I commit myself to facing the parts of me as my mind that I avoid the most in fear of who I’ve become so that I can forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed and direct myself out of self-denial and into supporting all living beings in bringing forth a solution where all living beings exist within a dignified manner of living.

I commit myself to assist and support in any way necessary to bring about a world where All life is honored and Not one living being is left to cry out in hunger and fear and where a child’s expression is not silenced but instead is allowed to be heard all around the world.

I commit myself within and as this one life as me in self-honesty as who I am within and as my physical body to support our physical earth in seeing who we are capable of being in our acceptance and allowance of and as an Equal Money System for all Living beings.

I commit myself to walking my process in gentleness in forgiving/releasing all I am within the need of wanting to be special so that I may see who I am free from fear and definition and thus stand in and as a solid foundation of support of and as all here within the matters of earth and all life as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to focus on a one world system where all living beings are recognized as Equal.

I commit myself to the common sense that no saviour can ever change the world or make it a place worthy of life, only me as human can do that. Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to standing one and equal as these words.

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Fortunately, the Soul has been removed – though, the responsibility is in the hands of each individual being to identify and release self from ongoing patterns through self-forgiveness. For further perspective in understanding how the soul construct was placed into and designed to control mankind the following is suggested:

What was the Soul Construct and why did it exist?

Chakras, The Soul and Astral Projection

The Heart of Love

Please visit Desteni Forum with any questions

2012 – Women – Kickin the belief in God

I had some interesting perspectives shared with me today at two different doctor’s offices where I had to return to for follow up visits. One of the nurses, who I’ve known for a few years, began to talk about how strange bacterias and illnesses have become and how difficult it’s been for many to get well after having had a virus and, how many have not recovered and/or have lost loved ones to death, suddenly and unexpectedly.

She said how strangely enough, this has caused her to question her beliefs. Specifically, her belief in God and religion. She said it seemed to her that the only reason people have needed religion/God in the first place, is because of their fear of death, and that really, all death does is, is a way promote fear and that fear seems to promote self interest.

Wow, that was cool to hear and I sat quietly and continued to listen as I’d never heard her speak that way. She went on to say that she wasn’t exactly sure how, but she was sure that religion and the whole idea of a God all began as a means of us wanting to control each other.

She started to say something else, but was then paged to take a phone call and as she was leaving the room, she paused and thanked me, saying that she could tell that I was actually hearing her…

As I entered the office where my second doctor’s appointment was, there were two nurses who were having a similar conversation about religion and God. They were talking about how human limitation is linked to the examples we had as children and how mostly, those examples consisted of God/Religion and/or fear, and that, basically, it’s all the same. They said as far as they were concerned, God/Religion was nothing more than a way to control people and that they were seeing how God/Religion is slowly losing it’s hold on people.

They then began to talk about death and one of them looked at the other one and at me and asked: Can you remember how old you were and where you were when you first realized that life dies? It was at that moment, that I was summoned back to see the Doctor and man, I hated leaving the interesting conversation.

I do remember the day though – the day that I overheard my parents talking with the next door neighbors about death: I was 5 1/2 years old. I remember that it took me awhile to think about their meaning of death, being that when we die, we will no longer exist here on earth. At five years old, I was just beginning to notice myself, so death didn’t really make much sense to me because, within me, it was as if I was always going to be here. I just didn’t get how it is that life is something that can just go away.

With all of the culture of silence that surrounds death and dying, I learned very quickly not to ask many questions about death because my questions simply went unanswered. People were scared to death about dying and absolutely no one wanted to talk about it.

The first time I began to have an awareness of my fear of death was when I was 9. I was sitting in a church, and the pastor of the church began to speak of heaven and hell – how the only way to Not go to hell was to ask for God’s forgiveness for our sins. At nine years old I wasn’t clear what horrible sins I had committed and even though the whole story of death and God and heaven and hell didn’t make any sense to me – I became willing to believe in a God and a heaven, simply because of the fear in the idea of going to some fiery hell.

As I got into my teenage years, I began to find it odd that people I’d known my whole life – who had only ever prayed before holiday dinners – were now getting older and they feared death so, suddenly, God had become important to them. I began to wonder if it would change how accepting people were of war and violence if they were to become able to embrace the reality of their own fear of death.
All I really knew was that no one on earth is in control of their lives and no one questioned how come life dies…

Consider that all of the fears and doubts and judgments, and all the goddamn competitions and hate we secretly hold within ourself against each other, whether quietly or not so quietly, which only appears to remain unseen – that maybe, just maybe it’s all that shit within us – that’s what is manifesting within and as how our world currently exists. Such as in the money wars, where we don’t or won’t question how come we’re ok with people starving to death and living on the streets without a home.

Many people have never challenged the belief systems they were taught as children so when an answer comes, they attack it, instead of stopping and considering to – for a moment – give up all the knowledge we’ve given value to, and prove our-self as life.

Now, as I’ve been walking the Desteni process of self-forgiveness and facing myself in self-honesty, I’m slowly beginning to understand that maybe death is only as real as the abuse we allow to exist within us which has an accumulative affect upon our physical body and, ultimately, manifests within and as our physical reality.

Maybe people really are beginning to challenge and stop their belief systems – for sure we at Desteni are and, we’re realizing that the best way to do that is to stop the systems altogether and forgiving self for accepting them in the first place without even investigating who self is within them.

One thing I know for sure is that the women of this world have it within them to stand up and “Stop” the abuse that’s being accepted and allowed and to change themselves and thus assist in changing this world.

For further perspective on death and the afterlife, suggest the following:

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 1

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 2

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 3

Investigate how Equal Money will assist us in bringing about a world where all life may exist in dignity. EqualMoney.org

2012 – Lightworkers, The Soul & The Book of the Dead


I was never really interested in the whole ‘lightworker’, ‘ascended master thing’, or at least I didn’t ‘think’ I was. As I’ve been investigating further – I realize that I’ve essentially been stuck in the same belief system because both ‘religion’ and ‘ascension’ are the same thing.

Basically, ‘spirituality’ has been ‘transformed’ into a ‘religion’, a ‘religion of ascension of the soul’.

The Lightworker will tell you that the inner feelings and attitude is what is required to be a Lightworker and to ‘birth the soul’. If you investigate further to when and how the ‘belief’ of becoming a ‘lightworker’ and a ‘ascended master’ began – the ‘belief’ was that ‘the soul’ was a ‘free ranging spirit’, an ‘aspect of the deceased’ – which was depicted as a ‘human headed bird’ which could go forth by day from the tomb, into the world.

I became somewhat familiar with it when 3 years ago I read a book titled, “The Book of the Dead” – which is the modern name of an ancient Egyptian funerary text that was used from around 1550 BC to around 50 BC. Another translation for the name of the book is, “The Book of emerging forth into the Light”.

The book describes how at death consciousness is suddenly separated from all the circumstances and struggles which made up daily life. As well as consisting of a number of magic spells intended to assist a dead person’s journey through the underworld and into the afterlife. Rituals were very much a part of their lives where funerary rituals served their belief and their continued search for inner peace by creating an entity within their mind and believing it to be the ultimate way for self to acquire life after death – at which point the mind would experience its own liberation as radiant pure white light. Where one would abandon fear and terror and has the ability to recognize whatever appears as a projection of ones own mind.

Interesting how in their obsession to perpetuate existence, the ancient Egyptians lived 35 years on average.

And finally, they believed that the ‘soul’ is ‘a reasonable light energy’, which some have claimed to function as a ‘vibrational wave’, such as a ‘electromagnetic force’, but ‘not limited to charged particles of matter’.

‘Not limited to charged particles of matter’ – what does that mean exactly?

According to Wiki: “Charged particles of matter: An Electric charge is a physical property of matter that causes it to experience a force when near other electrically charged matter. Electric charge comes in two types, called positive and negative. Two positively charged substances, or objects, experience a mutual repulsive force, as do two negatively charged objects. Positively charged objects and negatively charged objects experience an attractive force.

The Charge is the fundamental property of forms of matter that exhibit electrostatic attraction or repulsion in the presence of other matter. Electric charge is a characteristic property of many subatomic particles and the electric charge of a macroscopic object is the sum of the electric charges of the particles that make it up. This charge is often small, because matter is made of atoms, and atoms typically have equal numbers of protons and electrons, in which case their charges cancel out, yielding a net charge of zero, thus making the atom neutral.

Macroscopic objects made of conductive elements, can more or less easily (depending on the element) take on or give off electrons, and then maintain a net negative or positive charge indefinitely. When the net electric charge of an object is non-zero and motionless, the phenomenon is known as static electricity.

Charge taken from one material is simply moved to other material leaving an opposite charge of the same magnitude behind. The law of conservation of charge always applies, giving the object from which a negative charge has been taken a positive charge of the same magnitude, and vice-verse.”

Reading that is a cool reminder of how we exist in polarity separating ourselves from each other through self-interest, ego and greed and how we use money as the tool to continue our enslavement in denial of what is really being accepted and allowed within our world. Where our only concern is for ourself and our immediate family, but, mostly only for self. Where we’re constantly seeking instant gratification for self and to hell with everyone and everything else.

But look, “The Law of the Charge” always applies. Which means when we get all charged up in positive energies and/or we act and react in personality constructs which serve to validate a story existing only within our mind – there will be an equal magnitude of negative charge manifested as well.

We can see the consequences of this even in the simplest fluctuations of energy yet, more than not we’re barely even aware of how the consequences of what we accept is what we’re allowing to manifest somewhere within our world. As such, we exist in constant polarity where we accumulate and manifest polarity equations such as poverty, homelessness, polluted water supplies, starvation, war, murder, molestation and rape, and on and on…

So – In simple terms, ‘charged particles of matter’, or plasma is the special state of matter in which atoms are broken down into charged particles. A good reference of this is the sun.

So – Lightworkers believe in ascension they’re ‘not limited to charged particles of matter’, and that they’ll somehow be transformed into a superior lightbody, and that life will somehow, suddenly be heavenly because the mind would experience its own liberation. That’s the actual point that sounds so marvelous, because our mind as our thoughts is exactly what the hell we’re trying to escape from.

Four years ago I began walking a process of Self-forgiveness, and studying the material on the Desteni Universe website. The Desteni perspective with regards to ‘ascension’ and ‘the soul’ is that the reason the relationship of ‘ascension’ and ‘the soul construct’, or as it’s named, ‘spirituality’ was developed, is to have human beings here on earth believe they require methods of journey, and to attain or to reach some ultimate ascension for an experience of the soul.

Have a look how religion and spirituality in this world has been developed to maintain enslavement of human beings here on earth – to keep us busy and that way we never stop to actually look within ourselves because we’re to busy pre-occupied and thus not able to see the answer as to who we really even when it’s right before our eyes within ourself to see. Who we are is life as all as one as equal existing here on earth within a physical reality in and as a physical body. Our physical reality is what is real.

When one considers both the perspective of those believing in ascension, religion and the soul – and consider the perspective which is shared by Desteni – the one I see myself within is the perspective of Desteni.

I mean, that’s how I’ve always existed and that’s how I’ve known everyone else to be existing in as well. We are always, ‘wanting to take a journey’, to ‘find ourselves’, to ‘reach a place of worthiness’. Perhaps it’s because we don’t even recognize ourself within our own physical body because we’ve separated ourself from our physical body – in how we participate in and as our mind of secret thoughts, backchat, voices in the head, talking to ourselves – competing with each other to better only ourself so we’ll have more money, more power and then for a second, we’ll ‘feel’ in control. But we’re not and so we began our endless search for some greater meaning from outside ourselves and the shit storm continues. The mind is our director and we use and abuse our physical body as a vessel in hope of attaining that’something more’ so we can validate ourself as our mind, as someone ‘special’. Instead of standing up, facing ourself and assisting in bringing about a world that is best for all.

The mind absorbs knowledge and information, pictures, smells, and sounds and then as we participate within and as it, we create friction which creates energy, whether positive or negative which we seek to have ‘an experience’ of in an attempt to make real what began in our mind as a single thought/memory that we just accept and allow ourselves to be directed as. We rarely stop to question what the hell we’re actually accepting ourselves as – which is a ‘Mind as Consciousness‘.

The results show who and what humans are capable of in a constant search to be the best as we compete against each other in polarity equations of right and wrong, good and bad, positive and negative, love and hate – rarely if ever, do we see the relationship role that we play in creating our very existence.

For every high/positive there is a low/negative and vice versa. And according to the situation and the accumulative affect of everybody within our entire existence – who are participating in and as the mind, is how we experience the consequences of who we are – within what we’re accepting and allowing to exist within our world.

It doesn’t matter whether we ‘believe it’ or not – common sense and facts are facts – we’ve been pre-designed to think and act the way we do. Our mind is the ultimate computer that feeds off knowledge and information and energetic highs and lows through various forms of input with tons of storage and memory. Truth is, consciousness knows us better than we know ourselves.

Make no mistake about it – we are Mind Consciousness Systems living in a world full of systems that we accept and allow to beat the shit out of us daily…

It’s who we’ve become and how we’ve come to accept ourselves in the personalities and possessions and in all the ‘roles’ we play – slaves in a world full of atrocity. We’re the driver behind the wheel in and as our physical body where we carelessly abuse ourself and our world in a seemingly never ending attempt to avoid facing the point of self-responsibility for how and what we continue to accept and allow.

This is what humans have evolved to – a species that does not want to become responsible for what is here. We don’t want to be responsible for how corporations are completely sucking us dry through our current money system. We’re so distraught within it as the slaves that we are that as we struggle to survive we would rather leave our physical bodies to become a light body.

Conveniently strange isn’t it. In our mind we apparently have the opportunity to become a speed of light so that we won’t have to face ourselves and our responsibility within what is here…Ascension is simply another way of hoping for something outside of ourselves to save us from ourself and that option simply doesn’t and never will exist.

Take a moment and consider what self is accepting according to what exists within our world.

WE are existing as Consciousness. Consciousness has a beginning and an end – we are born and we die. The entire structural resonance within and as human beings is based on one source principle: Fear. Fear of Facing Self and instead we participate in and as our mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions and we manage to stay busy so we won’t see the level in which we abuse others so that we can have the ‘good life’.

Is there a real solution for life within our physical reality and what is it?

Imagine you’re watching a blockbuster movie: It’s about a world where the creators can’t remember who they are or even why they exist in their world. They are withdrawn and fearful of everyone and everything. They ignore the abuse being thrust into the core of the earth for resources and are oblivious to how the life blood of the soil is being sucked dry of its minerals. They don’t notice how the water and air is polluted in massive amounts every single day thanks to motives of profit and greed.

They ignore the numbers of 30,000 children who die daily of starvation. They care not about the countless number of animals becoming extinct by humans for the love of money in the desire to have more to validate self-interest, ego and greed.

Instead, they work and party, and work and party, till they’re to old to party so then they just work and work. Then when their chances for new love, new sex and/or more money fades in opportunity – they begin to pray to a God for more of something as long as it’s money or sex or both. To pass the time, they’re planning their escape using stories from a book titled, ‘The Book of the Dead’ in hopes of ascending by year end of 2012.

How would you assist them to consider to investigate their ‘beliefs’, to ‘educate’ themselves about their world – to see that everything they’re seeking and searching and competing and fighting for already exists within themselves in self-honesty.

In common sense, we can see how we require to redesign and restructure every system which currently exists. Beginning first with our Current Money System. The new system will be that of an Equal Money System. Which will stop our fear of surviving and begin to bring an end to corruption and greed. We’ll stop participating in possessions of our mind such as becoming a ‘lightworker’, ‘ascended master’, ‘Jesus returning to earth to save us’, the ‘rapture’, etc..

We’ve been this way for a very long time — it’s not just going to stop – we must come together as a group with the solution to assist ourselves to stop.

The Solution is one of an Equal Money System. Investigate it. It will bring an end to abuse of all Living Beings. And, these sort of nonsense stories will end as they never really existed – except in our mind.

Investigate for Yourself. Educate Yourself. Support Equal Money

Everyone’s Talking about it – Freedom Blogs


You have it in you to be the Answer to Your Life. Read how people just like you did it for themselves – to Motivate you to Realize yourself as Life. Freedom Blogs

Watch video here for details ——> Everyone’s Talking about it – Freedom Blogs