Last night I had this dream. In the dream I saw myself as the adult that I now am talking to the child that I once was. At first what I saw was myself as haven fallen and struggling to stand up or, I wasn’t getting up, I was just sitting there after having fell. Then, I saw the child in me reaching with outstretched arms as I extended my hands toward myself and finally, I took a hold of my own hands and I stood up.
Then suddenly I saw myself sitting behind a desk. I saw myself as being the teacher, as the teacher I was handing myself as the small child I once was, a notebook. The notebook was opened to a particular page and I told myself in that moment to read what was written upon it.
I looked at the page and saw that it was my handwriting and I saw how in the writings I was asking myself questions. As I glanced at the notebook, I caught only a glimpse of my own answers. See, I didn’t actually stop to read in detail the words on the paper that was before me. I didn’t stop to read all the questions I’d once asked myself and I didn’t stop to see my own answers. When I saw that I wasn’t reading the words I had written I became aware of how filled with regret I had become.
In many ways it was as if I was seeing periods of my life where the answers were there but I was walking away from them as me.
I wasn’t giving myself the moment to see myself for myself, to see who I am within the words and the definitions I’ve given to myself as them. I wasn’t slowing myself down to see me, and, it was almost as if within myself I could see how I’ve been digging my own grave so to speak.
It was kind of like how one might experience themself if they were to take a shovel and dig deep into the dirt. Digging/reaching for a treasure of sorts and then stopping and walking away exactly at the precise moment when the treasure is about to be found. Leaving oneself stuck within the beLIEf of there being a treasure in the first place, never being quite being able to touch it, yet continuing to seek and desire the energetic experience of doing so.
What was interesting is that it was as if I was showing myself the possibility of who I can be, who I am, free from the things that I’ve given value to. That point is key because, I realized that when I was that small child, I didn’t dream of nor imagine who I’d be if I had money. As a small child I didn’t value myself according to something that I could get, have, need, desire and/or experience as money/energy . So, as a child, eventually, I put myself on hold because I began to place value in something outside of myself as being greater than myself and I learned to do that with money/energy in an attempt to fulfill an illusion of grandeur/self interest.
It’s like chasing a high and finally realizing that you can never actually be/have or get that which you believe you must have because the value you’ve placed in that which you’re reaching/searching for was never real in the first place, because the thrill/idea of it began first within your mind – within the memories and the personalities and feelings/emotions and the thoughts that we participate in and how all of that is part of self simply because we accept and allow it.
What happens every time I place value in/with money/energy/experiences? In doing so, I leave myself vulnerable to consequences and in the process, I forsake me as my physical body/physical world/reality. As that, it’s not possible for me to take responsibility for myself or my world.
The more and more I participate in the memories, the personalities, the feelings/emotions and/or the thoughts within my mind, the more I overlook the value/money that I attach myself to as them, and then, I became very expensive unto my own self. Then it’s like I can’t even afford to give myself the time of day. Then, I’ve placed myself in the position within my world where I’ve become part of the very value/money system that is The Problem within our World instead of the solution.
In doing so, I’ve taken and taken and as I’ve taken from others, I never realized that I was taking from myself. So to give as one would like to receive makes more sense to me now because as we give to others we receive unto ourself – that which we’re giving – it comes back to us equally.
So, the value/power we give to money – in that Money is God, in that Money gives us the ability to eat and provide for our physical bodies – it’s what gives us the ability to exist here on earth. We’ve overlooked an important point, that giving money power over life, gives value to our fears – instead of producing practical solutions that will guarantee a dignified life for All living beings.
As children, for a moment we can see that providing equally for everybody makes sense, but then we become stuck, searching for answers outside ourselves through entertainment/energetic experiences, such as love and light and god and hope and before we realize it, we are stuck, enslaved to a world/money system that values profit and gain over life.
As my dream continued, I saw myself as the child I once was, how at the end of the day there is no big great mystery. And that as a small child, I didn’t even know to care about money/energy. All I wanted was to see, realize and understand the simplicity of giving and receiving of/as life itself, to see that Heaven on Earth is within our reach within ourself, within who we really are and that we have the ability to manifest and create it within our world.
I am grateful in that my dream assisted me to remember to apply daily the tools that I’ve acquired through Desteni I Process as they are priceless. That the answer to who we are and how we are connected to each other, the key to the answer to all that is here, is in the simplicity of Give as you’d like to Receive.
My dream ended with me holding onto my notebook within the realization of the importance of investigating myself daily through writing/blogging and self honesty and then, I caught a peek of myself in a mirror and I saw my breast and it looked different/changed in that the lump/the cancer, it was gone, as if it had never really been there to begin with. So for me this dream is me giving me that push to stop fearing for my future and start applying myself within each moment, breath by breath…
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never speak from the heart of earth, but instead created an illusion of what gives life as the heart of the mind where I have invented energy and named it in the image and likeness of my self interest and called it love, from which I moved and have my being as the illusion I have projected and in this act of creation I have separated myself from that which gives life and ended up as the image and likeness in abuse as I imposed upon all other life forms the version of the heart where words are spoken in vain in spite of the evidence of abuse that I participate in as the world system.” ~Bernard Poolman
“I commit myself to in every way possible remind those that are lost in the mind as energy and self created hearts of love, that they can give this up in one breath and begin their journey to return to earth, but that this journey will be tough as each will be measured in every way to see if you will ever again abuse life that was given freely and enslave it to an illusion to such an extent that life disappeared, so extensively that only a tiny spark remain. To rekindle this spark will take a complete rebirth and re-education as the body have been subjected to tortuous enslavement from the illusion from the beginning of time. Thus I commit myself to bring to an end and to set that which is life free that we may be here together as life as one as equal.” ~Bernard Poolman
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