Tag Archive | stopping the mind

Day 280: Recognizing My Utmost Potential

Today I’ll be sharing how my life experience with having cancer, as well as the walking of my personal process, through writing and investigating who I am as my mind, and through applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, how I’ve been able to show myself that I Can change.  Through this process I’ve come to recognize and realize the potential that exists within me and so the ability to become a living example of the first principle from the Desteni of Living:  1. Realising and living my utmost potential

Before being diagnosed with Breast Cancer ,  I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, and I only slightly questioned the nutritional value if any within the food that I was eating. When I first began my Cancer Treatment Plan, which revolves around the Metabolic Diet, I knew that consistency is key and that I had to follow the plan to a T.

This I’ve been walking for 14 months and the accumulation of doing so is proving effective as I have less cancer in my body at this moment than I did this time last year.

Every day for the first 6 months were very difficult. I was physically weak and often felt mentally drained. I began to realize how dependent I was upon all the relationship energy that I would get when I’d go out to eat with people.  Within the pattern of having a simple cup of coffee with someone, was a shocking amount of emotions to release myself from.   Needless to say, my mind did not take kindly to me removing my favorite comfort foods, and it’s been interesting to become aware of how my physical body can physically repair itself quicker than the time it takes for my mind to forever stop a conditioned thought pattern.  Let me explain.

Who I am as my mind wasn’t getting it’s usual sugar fix and so the negative energetic emotions / reactions and all the thought patterns surrounding the removal of my favorite substance left a void within me that I had to face. The pattern had to be written out and looked at so that I could see the origin point and apply self-forgiveness.  I had to see and understand how I used food as a sort of substitution for myself in that I sought after feelings through food and beverage and without them, my mind would throw a tantrum.  So I had to constantly stop myself from drifting into a depression by focusing on my breathing and immediately applying self-forgiveness.  So but with my physical body, I continue to witness over and over it’s  incredible ability to repair itself from a week of heavy duty pancreatic enzyme therapy,  in just 5 Days!

Ok so going into this treatment plan, I knew I had to make a solid commitment to not waver because the cold hard truth is, my life and me living, depends upon me Not eating the things that provide no nutritional value, like chocolate cake and ice cream and pizza. There is little to no room for soothing or entertaining myself as my mind with junk food because the consequence of doing so, could prove deadly.

So assisting my physical body to clear itself of cancer has assisted me to become aware of myself as it.  And when one stops eating processed foods and the chemicals and preservatives and sugars and gluten, etc., something interesting begins to occur. It’s like the essence of your physical body with all of it’s physical senses, begins to slowly awaken.

The changes I’m referring to have been substantial and are living proof for me that the nature of the human can change because I’ve physically walked the change within and as and for myself.

It was almost 9 months in when I realized, OMG, all the mind chatter and irritation and tantrums with regards to not giving myself certain foods or drinks, have stopped!   And it’s cool because my mind now takes well to me directing myself as it with regards to what I eat to nourish who I am as my physical body.  And I’m aware more than ever  what and when my physical body is asking for a specific food and I’m aware of a balance within taking place.

And I mean,  I used to ‘think’ that I loved and craved pizza and cake but now, those desires and thoughts and the emotions that surrounded them, their mostly gone.  Now when I smell pizza cooking it’s no big deal, though it kind of smells like warmed up garbage to me now and lol, I’m getting better at remaining aware of how I use my words, because telling people that their food smells like a bag of hot trash slightly pisses them off I’ve come to realize.

change is possible

I can also say for sure that I will Never go back to eating processed foods, unless my situation is one where I have no choice in the matter. Because with how broken our current money system is, more and more people cannot afford to eat nutritionally.

Not being able to provide proper food and clean water for oneself is a point within our society that requires direction.   It’s time to re-educate ourselves and investigate what’s healthy for us in providing our physical body with an opportunity to perform as it’s supposed to.

Alright so when I first began my treatment plan, I had no idea how the hell I was going to live without things like, sugar, coffee, bread, pasta, pizza, etc.  Every morning I woke up to my mind complaining it’s way into my day, but no matter, I remained consistant and stuck to my treatment plan with the assistance of writing and self-forgiveness, because who I am as my physical body requires me to do so if I want to continue living, and I do.

So having cancer brought the opportunity for me to walk a practical application of re-designing who I am in relation to food and it’s a process I continue to walk.   I’m one of the lucky ones because I’ve had the tools provided through Desteni I Process to assist myself in taking on my mind through self forgiveness.

So instead of feeding my mind with junk food for entertainment purposes – I now thoroughly enjoy experimenting with new ways to prepare fruits and vegetables and I’m enjoying redefining who I am in relation to food and eating with the purpose to provide balanced nutrition for my physical body – without the need of feelings and emotions which cannot be trusted because I realized the intent behind them.  This then a living example of how I recognized and realized my ability to live my utmost potential.

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Suggest Reading & Following:

The Desteni of Living – My Utmost Potential: DAY 1

The Desteni of Living – Utmost Potential (Part 2): DAY 2

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Day 166: It’s Not You – It’s Me

I have memories of me as a child where in my mind I would imagine what it would feel like to be special in the eyes of my parents. The imagination game within my mind required that I become certain characters dependent upon how I wanted to experience myself. Within that, I mentally dragged my sister along and ultimately blamed her when things didn’t go my way. And actually, I’ve done this with everyone I’ve ever had a relationship with, therefore, I will begin with the following self-forgiveness as I investigate myself further in realizing – that everything and anything that bothered me about my sister and/or anyone or anything that bothers me for that matter – I can be sure that the same exists within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone and lonely so much that all I lived for was that moment when I experienced a positive energetic charge within myself that gave me a feeling of well being and I didn’t care what lie I had to tell or who got hurt in the process of me getting high on that feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my mind on an idea and according to that idea shut myself off to everyone within my world where I won’t actually hear or see how another being is actually experiencing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for how and what I can do, get and have to make the experience of myself a positive and happy one and within that never considered how and who will have to experience themselves in a negative way under horrible circumstances in order to fulfill my self-serving tendencies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the evil that exists within me when I judge what I perceive as someone being a ‘failure’ and how I will take from their negative energy experience a false sense of self where I see myself as being better than and thus believing myself within a positive energy experience so that I can reach that feeling good about myself place,  not realizing that in order to have happy there must be sad – the same applies in that,  in order for there to be the rich, there must be the poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the failure of others as an opportunity to get attention and a way of making myself believe that i look better through the eyes of others as a result of someone else’s failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when I am enjoying myself because of how I have harbored judgment and resentment toward people who I see are enjoying themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to enjoy myself because I fear that others will judge me because within my mind I have secretly judged them.

to be continued

Important Blogs to Read Daily:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Check out the New Desteni I Process Lite – – It’s Free!

Day 136: Fear Monster

Thursday evening
Sitting here to write, I got nothing. I know that’s not possible, and the fact that I’ve been in pain and somewhat sick, I know the most assistance I can give myself is to breathe and apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ out of sorts within myself, a sinking feeling emerging first from within my mind which I’m unable to identify until I feel it within solar plexus and then I know it’s fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how within my mind fear appears bigger than life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the expression of who I am within the fear of my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear participate in and as picture presentations of/as thoughts of/as hidden secrets and/or suppressed experiences and how within those, I have accepted and allowed myself to define them as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear of my own fear is larger than life and more powerful than me as who I am as my physical body to such a degree that through and as my participation in and as memories/thoughts I have manifested fear as an actual limitation which involves a manifested physical affect of/as pain within my center to upper back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every single thought that I have has an emotional feeling charge to it which resonates throughout my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body through the act of participating in my thoughts thus being directed by and as them giving me as my mind the perception that it is larger than me as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resonate the very systems of and as my mind in how I have defined them as me and at the same time have resonated my very living as my mind thoughout and within me as my human physical body thus manifesting separation and pain.

When and as I see myself watering the roots of fear of my own fear through participating in and as thoughts, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand how through the act of thinking I expand the resonance of fear of my own fear throughout my physical body, flesh and bone.

I commit myself to breathe, to realize the patterns of my mind have become habits which I have accepted and allowed to inhabit me through cycles of time, where I have imprinted and conditioned me as my physical body to become them through the process of me as my mind, thus, I see, realize and understand there is actually nothing to fear and that I am quite capable of stopping myself and directing myself as my mind through self-corrective application with the assistance of myself as my physical body to walk the accumulation of myself in relation to living breath by breath in supporting self to become living support, to establish a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FEAR is the Nature of the Game that Motivates me to Keep Moving as the Characters in the Game towards the Objective of the Game by Creating the other Side of the Coin of Fear as Love – Symbolizing the Circle of Life, Coined as a Choice of Opposites – yet, it is ONE Coin that ensures CONtrol so that I remain in my ROLE, following the control of the Energy of the Game which is Fear as the Totality of the HERE of the Game as the Only thing I can HEAR while playing the Game.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 128: Fear Factor

Today I became aware of how I was existing in fear as I was talking to and scheduling an upcoming appointment for myself. Thus the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself for not realizing how through love and friendship I have created my own illusion of ‘feeling’ safe and happy – where momentarily, I perceive myself as no longer feeling alone and lonely – instead of realizing how I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself to willingly participate within energetic experiences where I believed myself as having lived a life that was happy, safe and fulfilled according to the illusion I created through love and friendships – how I failed to recognize that I sabotage myself through undermining the cause of/as who I am in hiding in shame of/as the fear of being alone and the fear of others, thus, I forgive myself that I have through and as memories/characters and personalities participated in/as thoughts within my mind, as well as internal conversations/backchat and energy experiences as reactions of emotions and feelings through my physical behaviors – which change in how I interact within my environment according to the people I come in contact with as I maintain a sense of survival within this word in how I’ve accepted and allowed Money to be the Number One motivating Fear Factor and, within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how I developed and maintained myself as Ego, Greed and Self-interest in order to reach a level of functionality, thus, I see, realize and understand how fear is the motivator within how and why our world exists as hell on earth and how and why I have chosen to ignore who/what I have existed as within my secret mind because as my mind, I feared change, because real change requires that I change from within, thus, I forgive myself for not being completely willing to give up that which I use as entertainment, which I use as a way of avoiding facing my responsibility in how our world exists, and I see how I have existed within resistance to change because I didn’t want to upset the character I perceived myself to be even as I see the cords of slavery dangling within the discord of and as life, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing how I have blamed, judged and projected myself in/as the characters of/as my mind onto others to reinforce the fear within me as them being the reason for my constant internal fear of loss, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how all separation is fear of loss and is what keeps us enslaved to/as the direction of/as our mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to stop existing in fear of loss and for how I’ve used fear to become characters and personalities to take on roles of falling in love and friendships to boost me as ego in order to further fuel my own illusion, to avoid facing me within what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist according to the abuse within and as our current world/money system – thus, I commit myself to breathe and stand in Support of an Equal Money system, to assist us to Support Each other to see, realize and understand that fear only exists when we are participating within and as it as our mind as consciousness.

I Commit myself to walk in self-honesty, to unravel who I am within the totality of and as my mind as consciousness – to stop manifesting more and more of the mess we exist within, as fears and dishonesties – to be responsible for how the world/money systems of this world exist as and to Stand up and Change me through self-corrective application, to thus support a system which supports a World according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Enlightenment is the Justification Used to Protect the Greed of Happiness as a Value that Must Be Pursued Regardless of Conditions Caused By the World System, because the Enlightened Make themselves Believe that the Physical World is an Illusion, But the Enlightened will Not Test their theory through Embracing Poverty by Living WITHOUT Money, and In fact Do Just the OPPOSITE and Focus on Accumulating More Money to Protect themselves Against the REALITY of Poverty.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” Bernard Poolman

Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama
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I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s’, and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued

Day 105: Stage Fright

The past couple of days, I’ve felt like I was experiencing first night jitters and/or stage fright, because me as my mind, was trying to ease myself into the idea of possibly becoming the Homeless Character – for real. Now this is a character I have memories of in how I have scripted myself within fear of being homeless.

So when we began to have huge fires surrounding our area – and no insurance coverage for our home and property – I saw how it wasn’t the fires engulfing me, it was the fear of, what if?

At one point we decided we had better pack up a few things ‘just in case’, because we were told to be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. I saw how the physical act of packing eased my fears and assisted me to gain some common sense perspective. And then – the phone would ring and someone with another fire update would assist me in keeping my fear of being homeless character in control of me. By Saturday evening, me as my physical body was paying the price for the fear I had participated in, where in the pit of my stomach was pain like I’ve not had in a very long time and, I was physically and mentally exhausted – which is something I rarely experience. I was completely wore out from all of my character/role playing.

The thing is, I’m grateful for the experience, because I was able to be more aware than I’ve ever been in seeing how devastating fear is. How fear is silent as it exists within our secret mind, and very deadly to who we are as our physical bodies and physical reality. I saw how our mind in fear will deceive us to the max – where when I stopped participating in thoughts of being homeless and ‘thought’ I was breathing, I wasn’t.

I was suppressing myself within fear of loss where I experienced feelings – which I shared with my partner – where I suddenly felt lonely and alone, like I wanted to go searching for that feeling one experiences when one is first falling in love. Which was how me as my mind was trying to protect itself.

When I exposed the point to my partner, another quick thought replaced the feeling, it was, ‘well then, I’ll just get high and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all’. lol – I didn’t actually consider either – instead I stopped, breathed and applied self-forgiveness. The point is, the mind as consciousness will look for a quick fix, a cure/medicine for the fear and ultimately our physical bodies and our physical reality pays the ultimate price.

Fortunately, no one was seriously and/or physically injured in the fires, however, many lost their homes. It’s a humbling experience and I realized just how much self-interest and greed still exists within and as me and, I also realized how if we had an Equal Money system in place – I wouldn’t have had to face the homeless character of/as my mind nor feared becoming homeless for real.

**Within the posts to follow I will be walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective/self-commitment statements – in regards to specific memories, picture images as thoughts, and, the many different characters which were triggered within my mind beginning with the fear character of becoming homeless.**