Tag Archive | lack of self worth

Day 251: Forgiving Self Betrayal

Today my partner drove and he and I went off doing a bit of travelling through the backwoods of pawnee and creek county. So we were going along this stretch of road and I began to notice how the road was triggering a memory I have of myself from long ago, and then, an uneasiness began deep within my gut/stomach. I also noticed my breathing was becoming slightly labored and my heartbeat slightly increased and my energy/stamina level began to drop – kind of like the way a person will experience themselves when their sugar level drops.

the suffering of othersSo, just as we were about to come to the place where we would turn off the winding road we were travelling on, I began to experience a pull from within the center of my chest area… A dull pain began in my upper back and chest area and I felt as if I was being sucked into some sort of vortex within my mind and it was then that I chose to let go of the past memory/energy that was begging my participation and it was then that I realized, ‘damn, this is what betrayal feels like, insignificance, fear, and self betrayal’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that betrayal is that of blame, and how within my experience of inSIGNificance, there were SIGNS for me to see – how when I felt betrayed by something or someone, it was because I conditionally placed my faith and my trust and ultimately my responsibility for me, for my life – I placed it in the hands of another – I gave my life over to another separate form me – giving responsibility for myself to another, instead of taking responsibility for my own life and my own life experiences – then when my life hasn’t worked out the way I wanted it to, I felt betrayed by them, when the fact is, I handed over my life to them, I gave them responsibility of me and ultimately, I became angry.

Therefore, I forgive myself for the anger of betraying myself – for not taking self responsibility for my life and for how I experienced myself, and for suppressing that which I was really experiencing, blaming the experience and my situation on others, on the world, on society as a whole, yet all along presenting to the world that I’m fine, that I’m strong – betraying/deceiving myself and those within my world – blaming others for my own betrayal and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so engulfed in the fear of taking responsibility that I accepted and allowed my physical body to become petrified, frozen in/as self betrayal and self denial.

Redefining Self Betrayal:

When and as I see myself giving myself over to another and suppressing myself within a point of insignificance which leads to self denial and self betrayal, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a pattern within and as my mind – that I Am Willing myself to Stop, to re-design myself, to take Self-responsibility for myself and the World as myself.

I commit myself to let go of the idea’s that I’ve existed as within and as my past relationships to who I am within and as self betrayal.

I commit myself to Stop self denial.

I commit myself to take Self-Responsibility for myself and Stop blaming others for how I experience myself.

I commit myself to changing who I am as my mind/physical body within and as this physical reality/existence as one who is Not a betrayer of self, but is instead Standing within and as the Directive Principal of what I see, realize and understand as the utmost importance, to assist in bringing forth a World where All Life is given to Equally within the Principle of What’s Best for All.


  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life


Activist’s Journey To Life

The Act of Standing One and Equal is our Lifeline

As I have walked, for a little over three years, the process of self-forgiveness. I have realized that, one may go through moments where, your walking your process and applying self-forgiveness, becoming aware of yourself breathing. As well as becoming aware of your thoughts and emotional feeling patterns – then suddenly, you’re in an epic battle with yourself, wherein your mind begins to attempt to chain you within a series of, tactical MANeuvers of enslavement. Where you’ll experience yourself as overrun with feelings of self-doubt, lacking in self-trust and feelings of being unworthy of life itself. Because, when one begins to see for self, the effects created in and as this world – it can be quite shocking. How to handle self within these moments are important in order to remain steadfast in your walking self-forgiveness. Remaining within a point of self-forgiveness and self-honesty in every moment is specific self-support here. So it’s important to – Stop any and all participation. Stop. Breathe. Forgive Yourself. These moments are opportunity of self-realization. It’s not really that difficult if you’ll accept and allow yourself to be and become patient with yourself. The bonds of enslavement are falling like a free flowing river and so the perception of immenseness will disengage and release. Remember, what you are facing does not stand as equality, as it is energy, which has a beginning and an end. So – moving yourself towards release – within the Act of Standing absolutely One and Equal As It, Is our Lifeline.

Assist Yourself – Join – Desteni I Process

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