Tag Archive | slavery

Day 283: Suburban Decay

For Context Read: How Ferguson Went From Middle Class to Poor in a Generation

“In 1990, Ferguson, Mo. was a middle class suburban enclave north of St. Louis with a population about three-quarters white. In 2000, the town’s population was roughly split between black and white with an unemployment rate of 5%. By 2010, the population was two-thirds black, unemployment had exceeded 13%, and the number of residents living in poverty had doubled in a decade.

The situation there is “really not so different than the rest of St. Louis County,” said Dr. Norm White, a criminologist with the Saint Louis University School of Social Work. “The problems we saw in the urban core have become the problems of the suburban umbrella.”

“The same decay that sparked unrest in one Missouri town is taking place across the country.”

On the surface it looks like what’s going on in Ferguson is all about racism, but it’s important that we have a look at the fact that Ferguson’s poverty and unemployment rate is worse than the national average.

stop killing us

“Ferguson is just the place that the scab got pulled off,” White, the criminologist, tells TIME. “The reason why this is so intense is that there are a lot of these little communities that have been left almost to rot. Physically the buildings are falling down. There are no social service programs.”

What can we really expect from people who are struggling in unimaginable ways such as living in poverty and homelessness? How come it’s so difficult for us to talk about the fact that having little to no money, with no end to the struggling in sight, how come this is not seen as a motivating factor embedded within the anger and the fears of the people of Ferguson?

I think mostly people are desperate and scared because they don’t know what to do or where to turn for help with their day to day struggles to survive. So when someone is killed like in a case like this, all hell brakes lose and still, we have the nerve to overlook the facts as their thrown in our face of how Poverty leads to War

“The greater the racial income gap, the deeper are the divisions between black and white workers, and the weaker are the unions and class solidarity.” Michael Reich; Study of The Journal of Human Resources

Truth is, what’s happening in Ferguson looks like war because it is war and it’s important to see the facts. And the fact is, our current Money System has failed us and we have to realize that what’s happening in Ferguson is happening in one way or another all around our world. The poor are getting poorer while the rich are getting richer and it’s important that we get clear on the fact that War is Not, never has been and never will be the solution.

The solution will no doubt require us to come together as a Group, to Support each other in bringing about a Money System that acts according to what’s best for all.

Investigate ‘The Living Income Guaranteed Proposal’

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“There is nothing more dangerous than to build a society with a large segment of people in that society who feel that they have no stake in it; who feel that that have nothing to lose. People who have stake in their society, protect that society, but when they don’t have it, they unconsciously want to destroy it.” MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

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“I was very much clearly convinced; in spite of what I saw in the police which was murders and violence and all kinds of things. I saw that more than just an outflow, more just an outflow from the social condition and the lack of resources, the lack of money that caused most of the conditions that I have witnessed in the police. People simply did many of the things out of desperation.” Bernard Poolman

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More reading about Ferguson: It’s Now Guns Vs. Cameras in Ferguson

 

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Day 212: The Law that Direct Equality

Artwork By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
equal money ends slavery

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Excerpt From: Day 341: “I am an Entrepreneur”

“With Equality, The Law that Direct Equality – is an Individual Interaction with Each One, Individually Protecting Each One and with Equal Money – Individually Provide for Each One Sufficiently. With Equality, You Do Not have to Compete to ‘Get to the Top’, which means that: ‘Only the Winner Gets All and the Rest Are Losers’ as it now exists within the Current System. So, Most People are Losers, but Nobody wants to Hear it, because apparently: ‘You’re not a Loser if you have a ‘Positive Attitude’. ‘If You can ‘Think Positively’ then, apparently: ‘you’re Not a Loser’’. But, if You Look at the System, Predictably, as it Exist now: What is Certain? It is 99% Certain that You Will be a Loser, that you will Always be one and that You will Never Get to the 1%.
So, instead of having a ‘100% System’ which is Best For All – you want to Live in a 1% System, where it’s 99% Certain that You will Be and Will Remain a Slave, so will Your Children. ‘The Few’ that Live in Protected little Suburbs with Lots of Money, Big Cars and Beautiful Holiday Packages (and there are Few that Live like that): Those Few are What You Have to Respect and Try and ‘Emulate’…Isn’t there something ‘Mistaken’ with such Reasoning?

Is the ‘Entrepreneurial Spirit’ Really such a ‘Big Thing’? Isn’t the Entrepreneurial Spirit those that come up with Solutions that is Best for All Life?  

The Real Entrepreneurs of this World are Those of the Equal Money System, those of Destonian Integrity – that is a Level of Integrity. The word ‘Destonian’ is simply Describing People that Work for a Destiny that is Best for All Life and therefore, They Have the Integrity that Consider All Other Life Equally to their Own Life. Not being called a Destonian would be a Problem isn’t it? Because, a Destonian is a Word to be Proud of, a Destonian is a Person with Integrity, Somebody that Actually Care with Compassion and Empathy, someone that Understand the Living Word of Love, of Decency.Bernard Poolman @Creation’s Journey to Life

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Day 206: The Suffering of Others

I’ve never really considered myself as the type of person who gets off on the suffering of others. I was wrong, because as it turns out, I do. It can be something so seemingly unimportant, something as simple as what happened around here recently.

My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter’s dad had went to the store earlier in the day and it wasn’t until just before bedtime that he realized he had forgotten to purchase diapers. We live at least 45 minutes from the nearest store open at that time of the night and he was already tired and had to get up in 6 hours to go to work. There was the temptation in considering that 6 diapers would get her through the next day, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of her having to wear a dirty one until they got home from work. So I insisted that he go on to the store and quite frankly, I saw the situation as a lack of self-responsibility on their part for forgetting to get diapers in the first place. As he left for the store I saw how I was relishing in the back chat that was existing in my mind in thinking, ‘this’ll teach him’. I mean, he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work on time and he works really hard all day, so for me to find comfort in him having to go to the store, like some sort of suffering for his negligence, was quite an alarming site to myself existing in/as.

As he closed the door and left for the store, I heard a voice within me that said: ‘Shame on You’!  I sat there and breathed and stopped the energy swirling within me. The energetic reaction, a sort of spite and animosity that reaches far beyond my own comprehension, yet I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to participate, I am accepting and allowing all suffering within this world to exist.

It begins here within me, within what I accept and allow the inner me to be, and it is my responsibility to investigate who I am as it, forgive it and walk the self-corrective application to stop living as it.

How can suffering end as long as I am living as that which support it?

The shame that I was experiencing was the relationship that I have with fear and guilt and I was reminded of the Creation’s Journey to Life Blog which I had read earlier in the day, because I realized in that moment that I was fearing the shame I experienced myself as. I suggest reading the entire blog titled: Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation

Here is a quote from the blog:

“Do Not FEAR Shame. That is what Parents and the System use to Control you. Fear of SHAME. EMBRACE Shame, if you can Find it!

In the Shame you will See WHAT YOU ACCEPT and Allow and How that INFLUENCE and HARM others on a Level of Life – NOT the System. System Shame is to Not Pay your Debts – then you are blacklisted to Force you to Shame. That is Not Real Shame. That is Control, like a Parent Forcing a Child into Submission to Adhere to the System of Slavery. That is Why the Parent will Never teach the Child Real Shame, only the Shame of Slavery.

Real Shame is the Key to FREEDOM, the Key to Silence WITHIN, the KEY to LOVE, the Key to LIFE, the KEY to a New World, the KEY to Forgiveness, the KEY to Self-Honesty, the KEY to Intimacy, the Key to TRUST, the Key to Insight, the Key to the Universe, the KEY to Life.

Those without Real Shame, will attempt to Shame you to SHUT you UP – because they have no Shame. Pity them, because they have Lost Life Forever.” Bernard Poolman

the suffering of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a guilt-fear reaction, fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s in the smallest details of that which we accept, allow and ignore, that we manifest and create the greatest of life’s atrocites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the real shame within choosing comfort and rest within myself and my little world while throughout the entire world there is a vast number of those who silently suffer in war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own enjoyment and to imagine having all the conveniences that modern living with lots of money can bring and within that haven’t considered how in order for me to have all that, there must be those that go without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach guilt, anger and shame to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the one design that connects us all is our enslavement to Money in that we willingly let many suffer while a few live in luxary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to be dishonest in my choice to in fear seek only to protect myself, to only be concerned and care about me and my family and my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and give value to life through my own illusionary imaginative mind of self-interest, money / power and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I abdicate my self-responsibility through animosity in blaming the perception I have of others as not taking self-responsibility as the reason for how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger and animosity upon others and relish in their mistakes because I fear facing my own experience of/as inferiority/inadequacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy of anger as an excuse for not investigating my resistance to self change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my words and tonality towards others as a way of projecting my own feelings of guilt and shame onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the shame in the truth of me as the nature of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the inner me which is manifested as the outer me as how our world/reality currently exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self- responsibility for myself in standing up for all as one as equal as me, in living the solution for all as one as equal to stop what I / We have accepted and allowed within ourselves and within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being shamed by others for making the decision to change myself to be the sort of human being that will stand up and support a world/money system that will be supportive of All living beings according to what’s best for all, from birth till death, because I see, realize and understand that the Real Shame is in the accepting and allowing of even one to suffer while another has it all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into a guilt-fear reaction,  fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as I stop, I breathe.  I direct myself to investigate what’s really going on within me and to establish myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of polarity conflict where I go into shame and guilt to cover up how I’m experiencing myself instead of actually understanding what’s going on within and as me.

I commit myself to continue to investigate my relationship to money to further my understanding of how the decisions I make contribute either to the suffering of others or the well being of others, the choice and responsibility is always here as me.

I commit myself to Stop and Change who I am within accepting and allowing the needless suffering of life due to our corrupt world/money system, to support Equal Money Capitalism, to bring an end to all suffering.

Day 175: Voice of Influence

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head! 
Day 172: Belittling Voices
Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion
Day 174: Is This Really Life? –
Continuing here with self-forgiveness with regards to the characters/personalities that I gave energy to as the voices in my head when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs. What I’ve noticed is resistance in how me as my mind does not want to continue investigating and walking this point through in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

Thus, I commit myself to continue this process of self-directive principled writing to give back to myself the responsibility of myself and the creation of what we have accepted and allowed as the mind of/as energy according to our world/money system to thus take self-responsibility to stand up together to redesign who we are according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I reacted towards my daughter when she asked me to buy her a pack of cigs – where instead of actually hearing her – I heard the voices in my head – that I didn’t see/realize and understand how they triggered a negative energetic experience from/of my past which is and has always been directly linked to money according to how money was defined by my parents as the personalities that they lived their life as, which I copied/duplicated/imitated and completely gave into as my own internal energetic experience, where I have become an identical personality in how I will fight for my so-called-right to survive within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react not only to the words but to the sound of my daughter’s voice when she asked me to spend money on her, where in that split moment when she asked her question – I pulled back inside myself, as if I had just fallen back in time – where I became the victim of myself as my past as the negative energy experience I believed I had when I was 17, pregnant and needing food and feeling scared, lonely and abolished from my family into a world where I had no clue how to actually take care of myself and within that, I forgive myself for the fact that all I wanted to do in that moment was make someone suffer for the feelings of fear that I experienced which I’d long forgot were still a part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my past against myself and others, where I have locked myself into and as various masks as character and personalities – negative energetic experiences of guilt and displaced anger and positive energetic experiences where I took another’s feelings for granted in order to have a moment for/of myself within a feeling of well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for who they became and for what they accepted and allowed because of money and trying to survive within this world because I see, realize and understand how easy it is to become preoccupied and separate oneself from the reality of the physical, and how the functioning and the consequences of energy experiences conditions one to not want to see, to not want to believe what one is capable of becoming in and as self-interest and greed.

When and as I see myself in a situation with regards to money, where I am reacting towards others as a negative energetic feeling experience – where I see that I am judging their influence as being the reason for how I’m experiencing myself – I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to realize that money is/has been a stronghold, our means of survival and that lashing out and seeking to ‘get one over’ on someone else in order that I might have a positive energy experience of myself is NOT the solution, that the solution requires a coming together of us all as a group, to constitute an agreement amongst us as neighbors, where we no longer allow suffering of any kind to any living being, thus, I see, realize, understand the importance of and thus support an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to walk any and all resistance to change of and as self due to the characters/personalities and fears I have existed as with regards to our current world/money system. I commit myself to breathe and let go of the perception of the need to have and be more than my neighbor.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself within a situation where I’m aware that money is the motivator, I stop, I breathe – to within myself reference this moment here in establishing for myself a point of self-trust. Trust that I will breathe and in self-honesty, I will direct myself to stand/walk and stop any and all relationships of separation within myself/ as my mind, to thus establish who I am from here as I stand up and walk as the solution through living my decision to support life according to what’s best for all – to hereby redesign and transform our world/money system together into one that cherishes the dignity of all living beings.

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Day 174: Is This Really Life?

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!
Day 172: Belittling Voices
Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion
Ok, so, I know for sure that money and the amount that I have of it determines how I experience myself. It determines how I feel about myself and it determines the various personalities I become and the extent of fear that I exist as.

No matter what, I cannot escape the effect that money has on me because I’ve become it. I mean, money is just a piece of paper. It’s me that gives money the power to control me.

I am the Money God nestled snug in rug and comfortable when I have enough of it and when I’m broke or about to be, I become a peddling Money Demon Devil. It’s a hell of a way to exist either way because I’m always existing in self-interest. Always looking out for my own survival. Always existing in fear of not having enough or the fear that I’ll lose what I have.

And always reacting and having energetic experiences that I accept and allow for myself that are either positive and negative. Both of which manifest in through and as every relationship I’ve every had. Whether that be with my partner, my children, my coworkers, my siblings and last but not least, my parents.

When I first started out on my own, it wasn’t unusual for me to have to ask my mom for some money to help buy groceries or put gas in my car. She didn’t make asking her for money easy, and I hated every minute of it because standing before her and asking for money was like standing before God. First she would tell me how broke she was and I never believed it because her idea of broke and my idea of broke were not the same. When I said I was broke it meant that I had Nothing in my bank account. When she said she was broke, I knew for a fact it meant she was down to her last few thousands because when she wasn’t looking, I looked at her checkbook balance.

Money makes you sneaky as a fox and just as manipulative as a hyena. Well, it’s not money per se, it US, it’s how and what we accept as our current money system. It’s who and what characters and personalities we become in our quest to earn money to live out the nonsense we allow.

Finally, after almost an hour of explaining to my mom how important it was that she loan me some money til payday, she would inevitably pull out a couple of $20 dollar bills or a $50 dollar bill out of her handbag and insist that I return her the money the moment that I cashed my check on payday. I remember the voices in my head even now that I had back then as I walked away: “I knew it, I knew she wasn’t broke”, “Why does she lie like that”. You can be sure that my phone was ringing off the wall on payday to make sure I had not forgotten my debt.

I know when my children ask me for money they feel the same way toward me as I felt toward my mom. I mean, I honestly don’t have as much money in my pocket book as my mom had back when I was asking for money. However, I hear my child’s sigh of relief from not breathing the whole time their asking me for money. I remember how that felt and yet, the Power of my God as Money has had the power to control me.

My mom used to say: Sis, we’ve worked hard to have what we have, and you’re going to have to learn to do the same. I remember how crazy that sounded and I would ask myself why in the hell is life supposed to be about working for money!

A couple of days ago, I went to a physical therapy appointment. I was sitting in the waiting room and sitting next to me was a couple who were talking to a woman that was sitting beside them. They were in their middle 70’s and I know that because they said so.

They begin to talk about how once a month they go and do something they’ve never done before, like for instance they just got back from a two week cruise. They said they deserved it because they had not only raised their 2 children but they had also raised one of their 20 grandchildren. They went on to say how they refused to feel bad that they just didn’t have the patience to spend much time with their great grandchildren because ‘they had worked hard their hole lives’ and how now, it was ‘their turn’. It was at that point that I asked them if they were concerned for how their grandchildren and great grandchildren will make it in our world, the way it is within the struggle to survive in our current money system?

Their answer was an astounding NO!  They said: “Hey, we had to work hard for what we have and it won’t hurt them to do the same”. The woman continued with saying how her husband worked the same blue collar job for 45 years by putting one foot in front of the other one day at a time. Sure it was tough she said, but that’s just how life is. They both forced a smile as she grabbed her cane and him his and they both, with great effort, stood up and waddled out of the building.

I no longer buy what the American dream is pushing. I no longer accept that that’s how life is supposed to be because obviously the dream isn’t a dream, it’s real and the majority of us are living and breathing it every single day.  It’s The Story of US – our accepted and allowed enslavement.  Time for a new Story and it’s time to Stand Up and take responsibility for how our world exists and is ruled by money – instead of making ourselves believing we ‘deserve’ this or that.   Life itself  and how we have defined it and lived it deserves redefining according to what’s best for All.

Investigate Equal Money

Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

Day 172: Belittling Voices

Ok, continuing here to investigate the characters/personalities that I gave energy to as the voices in my head when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs – I can already see the depth of my ego as it flows from the innermost fabric of who I am according to the almighty dollar. Therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I become when the mention of money triggers a multitude of personalities within and as my mind, where at the mere mention of money my mind takes a negative energy experience of myself and utilizes energy as a spring board of sorts to catapult myself further into and as my mind further into the depths of who I am as ego – where I slip myself right into and as a suit of authority with green-bac$ positioning all the way with survival secretly on my mind as I reach for a positive feeling experience – while I protect the who I am as ego because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing I can ever do will ever change who I am – all the while not realizing that in that moment of breath, as I imagined myself having a grandiose experience of authoritative nature, I never noticed the tone of the money hungry voice of delusion in my head, secretly speaking to my daughter’s request first with the words: “you have got to be kidding me” – where instead of actually hearing/seeing/realizing/understanding the fear in the constant state of struggle that exists within the lives of people within our current world/money system – I’m to busy accepting the fear of who I am and sugar coating it within and as who I am as ego, because that’s how I avoid taking self-responsibility for the role that I play within our world which is ravished daily according to the rules of a Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely deny how money is my hook, line and sinker,  where according to money and how much or how little I have of it, I will take myself from a negative to a positive experience as hopelessness to powerful all within multiple dimensions of/as delusions in and as my mind – where I secretly allow the voices in my head to direct who I am and what decisions I make because I have never had the courage to face all of me, to see, realize and understand every detail of my being, to direct myself in self-honesty, to change the very nature of who I am to one where the voices in my head stop within the movement of forgiveness as self in and as a practical physical living of/as self, according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the delusional voices in my head that lead me to imagine that when I experience energy whether positive or negative that it must be a real experience that I can call my own – when the fact is my relationship to energy as experience is and has always been on borrowed time,  no different from borrowing moneyin that there will always be a debt to be paid  – where the more we take from the life of others in accepting and allowing pain and suffering, the more in-debt to and as life we become.

When and as I see myself in a situation where one of my children for instance, are asking me for money, and in my head I hear a voice that beats to the tone of sarcasm as my mind enters what seems like warp speed and I barely notice that I am imagining myself as someone who is a voice of authority and power,  because that’s who I make myself believe I am when it comes to money – because that gives me an experience in my mind that I’m in control of my life when in fact I am completely aware that we in fact have No control within our abusive world/money system, a SYSTEM that WE accept and allow, I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that the rules of our current world/money system are ones that WE have accepted and allowed without considering the fact that WE are constantly setting ourselves up to fail, thus, I commit myself to show how it is I / WE who decide who we are and I commit myself to remain standing until the last tear drop falls and we’ve had enough, where we see, realize and understand and are willing to push ouselves to change the very nature of who we are through self-forgiveness –  to thus become aware of the patterns that bind us, so we can be prepared and willing to re-design ourselves and our current world/money system to one that supports ALL life according to what’s best for all,  to bring an end to the dis-ease of the human psyche, and manifest Heaven on Earth, with the first step being that of Equal Money.

I commit myself to show that the patterns of our mind is the fear that binds us and keeps us in our constant pace to survive and how fear is absolutely Not necessary, that the nature of the human is constantly limited by and through our abusive money system to such an extent that we can’t even meet ourselves coming or going thus time just drags on and on, thus, it’s TIME  to  STOP and SUPPORT EQUAL MONEY.

I commit myself to re-design myself according to what’s best for all in realizing that money does Not have to be the spark that inflames us where we become evil and greedy and irresponsible to those who are without it.

I commit myself to assist ourselves as a humanity to give to ourselves that which all other beings of life comprehend,  the gift of LIFE for each One with Equal Money.

Day 172: Belittling Voices

Continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

So, when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs, I immediately reacted within myself and basically thrusted my inner reactions upon my physical world/reality/existence as I projected anger and spite through me as my physical body and all over anyone and everything within the path of me.

I mean, that’s how we are as our mind. It’s quite insane and our relationship to money keeps the insanity going, so much so that we don’t even stop to question why and how come we are what we accept and allow as our mind directing us?

There is definitely something going on here and it’s high time we sit our asses down, breathe and begin to understand why and how it is that we think, feel and act/behave the way we do.  Visit: Desteni I Process Lite and Learn Practical Life Skills Online Free!

Everything we are and every relationship we’ve ever had has been programmed into us, including Money, (Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century). So, I’m beginning to understand the seriousness of our life here on Earth.  How the ‘issue of money’ changes, shapes and guides me to the very core of my being. And, I am absolutely no longer willing to accept and allow myself to be the slave of my own mind with money as my living God all the while continuing down the same road paved in my own shit made from my own personal self-interest and greedy nature…

(Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century)
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how the very nature of who I am begins within the context of ‘what if‘s and ends within the context of fear of running out of money’, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed inner conflict within myself where when my daughter asked me to get her a pack of cigs, I saw myself fighting a losing battle, where within myself I was teetering between a negative reaction/experience  in fear of going without/self-interest, and a positive reactio/experience of wanting to validate myself within an idea of me as super mom/self-interest, all the while within my mind was this image/thought that resembled an expression I saw many times upon my own mother’s face years ago when I would ask her for money and she would respond: ‘it seems like you only come to see me when you need money’, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the force that drives me as my mind in the direction of and as energy experiences as thoughts, internal conversations/backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character who is virtually my mother, meaning in how I move how she moved and I speak and express myself in and as the same fears as she spoke and expressed herself, even down to the point of how she overlooked the fact of how making money and having it, is, was and has always been considered as the most valid of All Human Motivation, in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living expression of/as that which my mother suppressed the most as the fear of not being in control of and thus not having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this energy within me that wants to strike back is in fact a force of energy as money within me as my mind where I become it as I continue to participate and support the multitude of nonsense and constant abuse within and as our current world/money system,  how as I become the energy that moves the voices in my head where I accept and allow myself to belittle people, where I’m spiteful, aggressive and tense towards another to the point of deliberately saying hurtful words at them – which always results in me taking a guilt trip where I try desperately to protect myself from having a negative experience by imagining myself as being ‘better than’- yet my aim to belittle another to make myself feel better within my mind as the get up and go to spark a positive experience for myself by boosting my ego leaves me ‘bitter within’ – while the real issue of self-interest, ego and greed as I have defined myself according to and exist as goes unnoticed and untouched and I remain unable to stand as a point of accountability, self-responsibility and stability for the role that I play in how I manifest, create and support our current world/money system.  I commit myself to stop, to breathe.

When and as I see myself within a situation where one of my children asks me to buy them something and/or to loan them money, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is sore-spot, a point where I have overreacted and accepted and allowed inner conflict over and over – the same as fighting a losing battle where I continue to cover up/veil/camouflage the real issue – which is me facing me as good vs evil/,  the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other – not realizing that the conflict of self splitting self is merely me accepting who I am under the direction of the mind as consciousness which is always motivated in fear, self-interest and greed – thus, I commit myself to take a stand in self-honesty and common sense, to see, realize and understand that this is not about being good/bad and/or right and/or wrong, this is about what is BEST FOR ALL, and that all I can do is what I can do within this moment of breath in self-honesty, thus, if I’m able to assist then so be it – that there is never a cause for putting self-interest before all in the name of survival, profit and/or greed, and that spite and belittling is a bitter form of resistance to/of life itself, which keeps self from taking self-responsibility for what I’ve accepted and allowed within and as our world/reality/existence – that what matters is LIFE according to what’s BEST FOR ALL, therefore, I commit myself to walk in awareness in realizing that when it comes to matters of money, (which is entangled in everything and everyone), I must walk as the directive principle of me in and as diligence, self-accountability,  patience and stability in remaining self-honest and consistent in my application of support of the solution for LIFE as Equal Money.