Tag Archive | aging

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

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Day 139: DIY Self-Commitment

For Context Please Read: Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up – –

I commit myself to Stop the fear of aging and the fear of death and I commit myself to prove to myself what I’ve already begun to realize in that, who I am, is determined within every moment of breath.

I commit myself to show that growing up is Not something that should be easy or hard or compromising self in any way, nor is growing up about holding on to things that were, or wondering about what’s to come, instead growing up is about investigating the perceptions within and as our mind that we’ve spent our entire lives in fear of, thus, I commit myself to show that life is not about living like we are dying and then manifesting it as so – NO – Life is a Journey of forgiving and directing ourself in self-honesty in realizing that we do NOT have to fear ourself as our Mind or each other, and, we don’t have to fear getting older and/or hating each other and, we can Stop our fear of dying without having actually known who we are as Life,,,thus, We Breathe, and we Forgive Ourself for who we believed ourselves to be as our Mind of/as CONSCIOUSNESS, and We Direct who we are as Life Living what it is to Give to All as we’d like to Receive.

I commit myself to stop existing within polarity equations of positive/negative, right/wrong, happy/sad and/or pretty/ugly, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so I am actually abdicating myself from life through living in fear of me as my mind as thoughts and through participating in and as them fueling emotions, feelings and fear, therefore, I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty and through self-corrective application, stop participation of/as thoughts, and instead, Breathe and Walk.

Furthermore, I commit myself to redefine who I am as self-responsibility as I walk breath by breath becoming a living application of responsibility, where through self-forgiveness, I gift myself the ability to consider what life will become when as a GROUP, we come together to support a World according to what’s best for All – to bring an end to fear and the constant struggle to survive within our current world/money system, to thus, together show ourselves how in Giving to all that which we each require as the basic necessities for life, we realize ourselves as living expressions of and as what is to Stand accountable and responsible for and as All living beings.

Do It Your Self-Commitment

JOIN US

Stand Up for and as All Life – Support a World/Money System that will support All Life Equally.

Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define aging with ‘growing up’ and accepting myself as someone I’ve never wanted to be because all the grown-ups I’ve ever known who grew older became saggy, scary, grumpy and settled in as being sad, lonely and dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up, getting old and losing all of my teeth, because within my mind I have believed in the perception that loosing one’s teeth makes a woman ugly, old and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up because that meant being responsible and the only example of responsibility I was familiar with meant worrying about not having enough money and working oneself to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I feared growing up because I feared getting old, wrinkly and invisible and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how according to a picture as a thought within my mind growing old and aging looks like a small toothless woman whose eyes are sad and face is sunken in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have defined myself according to a picture presentation of myself looking the same as I did when I was in my twenties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my fear of growing old I have spent my life fighting for the right to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is only about me and my happiness to such a degree that I’ve never considered what Life Really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was younger I lived my life according to the energetic high I got off on in how men would react to/toward me, in how I received attention from them and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune to growing old, to aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear growing old because I fear death of me as my physical body.

to be continued…

Day 67: Energetic HangOver

Reference below refers to the following Blogs:
Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP
Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

The past two days having accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself from one polarity to the next – seesawing from negative to positive energetic outflows, so much so that today, I experienced myself where within my physical body are degrees of feeling UP, then feeling Down – similar to how one experiences themself after to much alcohol or drugs where one experiences a ‘Hangover’- which is the result of how/what I accepted and allowed within and as energetic highs/reactions from participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as reacting to a physical expression given in my direction from my partner – all of which I am completely responsible for. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become physical chemical reactions as energy derived from participating in and as thoughts of hope and in/as stress within polarities of inferiority/superiority whereas the affects of/as existing as such manifest within my physical body as physical symptoms of feeling hung over/exhausted/abused/dying on the inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to Not see/realize and understand that any reaction experience to/towards anything or anyone within existence indicates separation within a limited definition of myself Veiled in and as the mind as consciousness where I am the SUBJECT of my own Mind Control in/ as a superiority and inferiority game of my own design which subsequently is abusive to/as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy to submit myself in/as emotions of/as superiority in my purSUIT to live thrills of/as a type of adrenaline junkie tripped out in experiences of power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as energy to Not fully grasp how damaging the act of existing in/as superiority to/towards others really is upon my physical body, nor have I comprehended the fact that I can never actually fill up the voidness feeling within myself through acts as such because self-interest and greed IS the cause of the desire to fill myself up in the first place due to a lack of intimacy within and as self within living a lie within and as a World of Inequality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within and as energetic polarities to participate within the act of measuring myself as more than or less than in comparison to other living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to function on behalf of my beingness wherein the past couple of days I’ve teetered to and from negative and positive energetic lows and highs as inferiority/superiority while dragging my partner alongside riding the outflows of/as my reactions to/toward him, wherein my self-interest has known no bounds and more than likely manifested more injustice within our physical reality considering how I’ve raised havoc within and as my physical body in/as manifesting pain in my neck and shoulders feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the my own self-dishonesty upon my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energetic polarities of/as inferiority/superiority to function in and as my relationships based upon past, present and future projections of myself, thus, I forgive myself that I’ve Not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for my past to be present through and as future projections of myself, thus I see/realize and understand that I alone as a Mind Consciousness system have been stringing myself along, layering, storing and manifesting dimensions of myself as energy from and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memory participation and in/as energetic polarity experiences of myself – thus, I must walk the physical consequences of my own manipulation which accumulates as outflows of stress upon/within and as me as my physical body as well as my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy as superiority to judge my partner according to my past, present and/or my future projections of myself within an idea of how I have previously experienced myself and/or how I hope to experience myself again, thus Not realizing that through and as my own self-imposed beliefs according to how I desire to obtain myself as within an experience, I will thus become irritated and blame my partner when my experience of myself doesn’t reach the all encompassing energetic charge as I had ‘Hoped’ and expected it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself in/as energy for the sake of acheiving myself in and as a superiority/high for the sake of taking a winning position in and as my own self-interested agenda so I could feel better about myself for surviving another day within our current capitalistic money/world system, that I honestly don’t see as changing anytime soon, and within that, I forgive myself for how I use energy as an escape for Not facing, forgiving and directing myself as the directive principle in order to bring about an actual change within self thus the ability to be the support required in order to bring about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the part of me who as a child asked my mom why was she so sad and when she replied, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’, and I saw for a moment in common sense as I walked away how that didn’t make sense and I wasn’t gping to live my life that way, Not realizing then that what I was witness to was the negative end of the polarity pole as energy in/as feelings as a human being as a Mind Consciousness system enslaved to a world/money system of which we are quite capable of stopping and redesigning according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that enforces polarity games through Capitalism and Profit and offers No actual support for our physical body as life by way of guaranteed food/nourishment, housing, clean water, clothes, healthcare and education for everybody, so that life is able to be Expressed instead of stressed and depressed.

I commit myself to stop my mind as energetic polarities of superiority/inferiority, positive/negative, happy/sad, right/wrong, and good/bad, and to see/realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to remain self-responsible for the actions of myself as breath in awareness according to what’s best for all – there will never be a reason for feelings of stress, shame and/or pain associated with profit and gain.

I commit myself to show myself through writing and self-forgiveness that energy and substance as who I am can be directed to contribute to this world and the lives of all of humanity for an equal and one life for all.

I commit myself to be an example in proving that the only way to fully bring polarized versions of ourselves to an end is to support an Equal Money System whereas All living beings are fully supported according to what’s best for All, thus, allowing the nature of who we really are to begin to step forth in Self-Honesty.

Please READ the following Blogs!
The History of Superiority and Inferiority: DAY 69

Day 20: Superiority and Inferiority game

“Unless the past pass over — you will pass over before the past is over” ~ Bernard Poolman
Day 56: The Past is Over

Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

Today I reacted to my partner in anger because of his facial expression when he looked at me which I took as an expression of dislike and/or dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anger.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that today when I reacted in anger towards my partner, I was existing within inferiority and insecurity according to a belief about myself that I accepted and allowed when I was a child where when my father became irritated at me, I took his facial expression as a sign of not being loved and/or wanted, thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized or understood that the anger I’ve existed as is a mind construct born infear within and as an ongoing pattern which I accepted and allowed to be triggered through my eyes upon seeing certain physical expressions of others associated with pictures in my mind from/as memories from my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as anger manipulate my partner according to past patterns of when we were first together whereas through words in how we argued I would keep going on and on until he would eventually apologize even if he didn’t really see how or why he was apologizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as anger to justify using spiteful words and raising my voice because I know that in doing so it will cause my partner to ‘shut down’, which I see/realize and understand now is how me as my mind gets off within a point of superiority thus, me in/as anger, I teeter back and forth between polarities of inferiority and superiority justifying and manipulating my way to scoring a win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as anger not realize that to be the abused and the abuser is so because one doesn’t exist without the other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger to be/become possessed inspite of the energetic charge having affects upon myself and my partner causing stress upon our physical bodies, wherein I experienced feeling as if my face felt draggy and my body felt heavy like being dragged through quick sand, and within that I see/realize and understand how accumulating anger in/as self initializes stAGES of aging through and as the abuse we project/manifest onto others and ourselves as our physical body where humans are the AGE of looking like who/how and what we’re living deMANds of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I was not really angry at my partner, that I was actually angry at myself because I was participating within feeling disappointed in myself – wherein I was judging my process as not being effective and as anger was me reflecting my own inner inferiorities towards myself using anger as an energy to try and hide from myself by through projecting superiority, in order to receive validation to make myself feel better inside myself and, when my inner hunger for self intimacy wasn’t satisfied, I lashed out again at my partner in verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as anger to take advantage of my partner whose nature is to please, thus in/as anger I am enforcing and enabling him to remain within patterns he is forgiving and directing through self-corrective application thus, in/as anger, toward him, I am saboteur.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in/as anger infear to/towards my partner and/or anyone and/or anything for that matter, I Stop. I Breathe. I realize that the pattern of/as me as anger serves only as abuse, and in self-honesty, I see/realize and understand that that is unacceptable and I am no longer willing to exist as such.

I commit myself to releasing through self-forgiveness who I am as anger and through self-corrective application as I walk the path of self-honesty with/as my partner in agreement standing in support of a world according to what’s best of all.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness and walking the Desteni I Process we are able to redefine relationships to one which will stand equally together in agreement, and as a group supporting that which supports all life according to what’s best for all.

Day 39: Once upon a time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am on the inside according to what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as in self-dishonesty is reflected within this physical reality thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am on the outside as my physical body is a reflection of what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as on the inside where I’ve sought to please and impress others through ego, comparison, competition and greed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to how men within this world as well as myself have defined women as – as ‘pretty’ and ‘sexy’ of which I accepted, allowed and depended upon as an energetic identity and a point of getting attention and I see how my mind still wants to believe myself as the character I played yet I see in the mirror how the aging process is proof that living a life of energy/ego/self-interest depletes life from our physical body even as the mind mourns for what use to be and that which was never real to begin with. (Read: Energy as Authority – Part One: DAY 31)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hear the pleading of my inner being to stop consuming through energetic experiences which is draining the very life essence from me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a once upon a time memory of myself where/when I could walk into any bar/club and have the attention of any man in the room and within that I forgive myself that I was once proud of myself for that and as that I actually believed I was special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself when I look in the mirror because who I see as the physical outside me no longer matches who I am on the inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a polarity belief that young equals beautiful and beautiful equals good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support myself using my ego within an idea of being the prettiest and/or the youngest and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame within myself for existing in life that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing attractiveness where I ‘feel’ as if I’m becoming ‘invisible’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wrinkles, saggy breasts, gray hair, dry skin and weight gain because my sense of self has been associated with the functional status within this world according to appearances within ideas/personalities of and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that optimism/positive attitude boosts our immune system and increases life expectancy. (Read: Day 5: Redefining Words (Part 2) – Playing polarity games)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of and destroy that which is real as our physical body/reality and adhere to consciousness in pleasing that which is Not real as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that aging is the most natural process in the world – instead of realizing that we age because we participate in and as the mind as consciousness which is self-dishonest and literally sucks the life from our physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to stop the mind as consciousness is to stop what is here in all ways including our current money/world system – thus we stop all abuse, stress and aging and we create together Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so consumed in and as my pursuit to have an experience of myself which would validate the picture personality I held so dear of myself in my mind, so much so, that I never once considered the struggles and nightmarish lives that thousands upon thousands of people face in their daily lives. (Read: Day 41: Spiritual Poverty of Love and Light)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within me exists an evil that thrives off of money which is called ego, greed and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I die I will come back here and have to walk the same points to once again see/realize and understand that love is a lie and money is the only God that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that life is Not about taking – Life is about Giving every single living being the ability to experience all things here Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this physical reality as nothing more than a reflection of the state of mind as consciousness – instead of existing in self-honesty directing oneself according to what’s best for all and thus creating our physical reality accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and compete with other women in wanting to be the prettiest, the most intelligent and the most popular – instead of realizing that it is walking hand in hand in supporting the women of this world that real freedom exists in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a women to compare myself to men – when in fact it is the women of this world who will bring about a world of equality and thus a world worthy for children.


I commit myself to Stop living fears and begin supporting thy neighbor as thyself in supporting Equal Money.

I commit myself to directing myself within the realization that the only thing that really matters within this world is the matter of stopping the inequalities of our current world/money system and supporting a system where All life is the given the quality of life required to support and care for our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to call on all women to stand up and be accountable, self-responsible and supportive of a system where all life will be relieved of stress through equal money.

I commit myself to call on all women to stop accepting and allowing men to make decisions regarding the money/world system and to assist and support in creating a system of Equality as Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to call on the courage of all women to stand and walk together as a group to bring an end to war and starvation and to realize that Together as One is Our Story of Courage.