Tag Archive | fear and loathing

Day 263: It’s about Water, the Lack of it, and Complacency…

I see myself as one of the so-called ‘lucky ones’ in that we have our own well here on our land which keeps us supplied with clean, chemical free drinking water, every single day. But not today. The temperature outside got so cold last night that our water pipes froze and so we woke up to no running water this morning. The high outside today is supposed to only reach 15 degrees Fahrenheit or -9.4 Celsius, which means unthawing them will be a challenge depending on how much of our pipes are frozen.

When something like this happens to our normally well-established and quite addictive routines around here, that’s when our mind kind of,,, goes into overdrive… Our mind as consciousness is dependent upon routine and when that gets disrupted it threatens the hold our mind as consciousness has on us,  so that is why it goes into,  like a built in automated survival search, looking for something that will support an already established and much needed daily routine/program/plan.

inconvenient lack of water

So because my daily routine was interrupted – what with having no water , and water being the single most important part of my routine – it’s like, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I realized almost immediately that I needed to slow myself down, to breathe, and as I did so,  I began to ask myself some questions,  like: what if every single day I woke up to knowing that I would have no access to water, much less indoor/running water…

What would I do without clean running water? I wouldn’t be able to follow my daily alternative treatment plan that I’ve been applying every single day for 9 months, to detox and assist my physical body to rid itself of cancer. A routine that I’ve established through a self-corrective application of pushing myself every single day to walk the steps necessary to ease into a full physical recover and it requires water to be successful.

I was also aware of how the backchat in my head was quick to self-judgment and attempting to take me back to last night – to see what I could have done to avoid the pipes freezing… My backchat even had examples: I could have made sure all of our sinks had a small stream of water flowing from all the faucets – which is supposed to aid in the prevention of frozen pipes. It would have also been best if certain areas of pipe had been wrapped with heating tape for protection. These particular thoughts, they were repeating over and over in my head and I could feel myself teeter back and forth from a negative to a positive energy and it took absolute focus on my breathing to stop myself from reeling.

I had to look at the ‘bigger picture‘’, meaning: how significant really is ‘my’ so-called ‘problem’ when compared to the life-threatening situation that millions experience daily around the world.  It’s about Water and the lack of it…

There are many reasons or excuses used as to why we accept and allow more than 2.8 billion people to not have access to clean water or access to a flushing toilet. If you don’t know the facts surrounding water scarcity, then it’s time you did some research because no one should be allowed to suffer from lack of clean and safe drinking water as well as a warm home to live in and to protect oneself from any harsh temperatures.

complacencySo instead of me accepting and allowing my mind as consciousness to go on and on about me and how I’m currently experiencing myself, I Stop myself… I Breathe and accept Responsibility for the more than 2.8 billion people who have no clean water. And, if I’m to be  honest with myself, I realize that we have turned our lives over to the power of those who have all the money and quite frankly, their not sharing, so we’ve got to make sure that sharing of Earths resources are fairly distributed instead of being profited from.

So it’s time to face it, we have a Money System that functions and thrives off the suffering of others – simply because we’ve given value to money, and how having Money gives our Ego a big fat boost.   And that is something that we can no longer afford as an accepted behaviour.

When you really look at what we’re accepting, in that ‘Money is God’, it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, that We, the Majority of/as Society – that we’re ok with any one of us – ‘us’ being those of us that ARE NOT filthy rich – that we would allow any one of us to live in such an unassisted way of life,  with no means of having clean water – that we’re ok with that? No way. I no longer accept living like that as the way Life on Earth is to be experienced because of Ego and our willing Complacency.

So, this slight inconvenience that I perceived myself of having – that of having to go a few hours without running water – the experience gave way for the opportunity for me to become aware of who I am in/as complacency. In fact, Not having water opened an awareness within me wherein with greater clarity I see how and why complacency does not ‘become me’, I become it, and in that understanding comes a greater ease of forgiving myself, thus gifting myself a smoother transition as I continue to walk self-corrective application…

Update: We were without Water for no more than 8 hours…

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook who I am as complacency in how I go from a negative energetic emotion of anxiety and smugness to a positive energetic feeling of satisfaction, to the point where I am ok with and will accept that the human cannot change how life is experienced on Earth when in fact, I have proven to myself that self-change can and does occur when one first align their  daily routines in commitment accordingly to a Guarantee, that Everyone be given the opportunity to make a real living through designing a Living Income to ensure that no one ever again go without.

I commit myself to no longer take for granted and/or become smug/complacent in my belief that somehow I deserve to have more than another and to instead support a Living Income that will secure a guaranteed way of living that supports our physical bodies and our physical reality according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to never forget that in order for Life to be All that it Can and Will be, requires consistency in walking with a Group and walking a self-corrective application, one that is structured according to creating a World that is Best for All, and that in doing so, we will eventually Create Heaven on Earth when/as we come together – where one by one, we take Self- Responsibility for Life itself, and Design a Money System that will Guarantee Everyone a Living Income, a Living Wage.

I commit myself to Stop who I am as how I’ve defined myself within and as the word complacency and to realize the possibilities of redefining living without deScriptions, and I commit myself to consider that ‘We’, Are that in which we’re here to be aware of regarding how and what we’re accepting and allowing with regards to how Life exists as Suffering here on Earth, and How it is ‘Us’, who Will Manifest Heaven on Earth.

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“Was the creation of man, another manifestation of ourselves to be able to experience our own creation and creation (such as earth, plants and trees and animals) also being ourselves, manifestations of ourselves to support us in the experience of our own creation? Separated, look at the world today.

We have been creating on the outside, aeroplanes, jets, space crafts to travel in space, cell phones, television, electricity, computers, homes, clothes etc, yet, beings have completely forgotten about themselves. Each one on earth and heaven previously has forgotten who they are and why they’re here. Every single being in existence previously existed completely outside themselves, looking, yearning and seeking for something to fulfill them.

As computers, televisions and cell phones are being merely upgraded to even more intricate and extensive models, beings on earth as who they are is slowly but surely being destroyed. Trying to make life and their existence more bearable and livable, trying to survive, through establishing relationships and creating better technology to justify all beings’ on earth existence reason for being here. The existence of violence, molestation, abuse, killing, dishonour and disrespect towards others, beings defining themselves according to certain applications such as doctors, politicians, lawyers or businessman as being some form of attainment to success.

Beings defining themselves according to relationships, apparently the one singular desire of all beings, structuring themselves to attain some form of success for money, power and control, to make sure they have a relationship to be able to enjoy the pleasures of sex. If you honestly have to look at existence as it is existing right now, if you had one opportunity to create the world you’d like to experience as yourself, would this be all there is to it? Have a look at to what extent we have separated and limited ourselves within our own creation. Beings are only existing for the attainment of power, money, manipulation, relationships, sex etc. and why? I have an answer for that: To be able to survive in this reality. Our existence has become that of survival.

This is the point I am making. We have forgotten how to create as who we are, to express ourselves (expression being creation which goes hand in hand) as creators, and we have allowed ourselves to limit, suppress and degrade ourselves to the one simple action of survival. Not knowing or remembering who we are, where we come from, how we got here and the reason for us being here. To the extent where we won’t even consider it possible that we are actually the creators of all existence. Clearly through the application of all beings in existence we are clearly able to see that we are destroying not only ourselves, but also our creation. We are all so lost, lost in ideas, perceptions, multiple amounts of beliefs etc. We have swinged our applications around completely. Have a look at the world today.” ~ Alice A Bailey – From Consciousness to Awareness – Part 2

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Day 153: Fear Me Not

I’m facing some changes in my life and within them have become very aware of how it’s in the smallest details that I face my biggest fear in asking myself, am I willing, and can I stop my fear of change, to thus change myself from the inside out, where the result is me standing for eternity, in support of and for a World according to what’s best for All.  Thus, beginning here with the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear change I am in fact in fear of me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel outta control at the idea of a sudden change in my life such as the death of a family member or having to move from where I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have utilized the words ‘out of control’ as a definition of self that keeps me stuck within a place of suppression within myself where I have believed that I’m not strong enough to make it if my life were to suddenly dramatically change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate change with losing something and or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I change, where I stop the characters and personalities that I’ve become aware of in who and how I play out the desires of my mind, that I will upset and/or lose those closest to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of change to stop me from taking any action at all which would result in me establishing self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate change as something that will cause me mental discomfort and/or physical pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see change as a point of discontent within an image in my mind where I experience a sense of losing my possessions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend upon the same routine day after day where within my mind the daily routine locks me into continuing the perception of me as my mind as being in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell stories to myself within my mind in order to make myself continue existing in the belief that I fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated with my children as a fear reaction when I see that they are about to enforce a change within their lives that I see will affect mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created a protection and defense mechanism within my mind against change in that when change comes up within my mind, I see how I relate who I am toward people and my environment within a definition of myself that appears to be a safe place of knowing who I am, yet is in fact not so because within me as my mind I exist in reference to and relate myself to that someone and/or my environment remaining the same in order for me to know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if who I am is dependent upon another person and/or my environment to stay a certain way for me to know who I am, then who I have believed myself to be is not and has never been real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to fear change is to fear embracing who I am as life within and as my physical body and my physical reality, outside of and free from the direction of and as my mind.

When and as I see myself begin to fear what I see is going to result in a change within my world, I stop, I breathe.  Instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that when change in self is required where self-honesty is applied within a principle according to what’s best for all, there is nothing to fear thus, I commit myself to stop going into an automated state of fear and to realize that life is in awareness of self as breath in every moment.

I commit myself to walk in and as the redefinition of self as the words ‘out of control’, where  I direct myself to be in control in determining who I am in self-honesty,  wherein I am stopping who I’ve been as my mind as consciousness because I see, realize and understand that it is I who decides who I am in control of me as my physical body as one who is strong and consistent in bringing forth a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that who I am within and as change is to have a clear awareness of myself and my world in being able to assess in common sense what is best for all within any given moment and as such to realize the importance of supporting an Equal Money system as a means of supporting all life according to what’s best for all.

 

Day 140: Inside Out

Monday I had an appointment to have some much needed dental work done which I’m still not finished with but I’ve had quite a bit of fear about. Then on Tuesday, I came down sick with a head cold that I’m still not well from and then Wednesday, I became very frustrated with my partner which was actually a point of lack of communication on both our parts…

So, this week has been somewhat of a challenge and what I’ve realized is how destructive ‘inner conflict’ is in that, when I would see myself go into thoughts about going to the dentist, I would become irritated, anxious and very emotional where I felt raw and exposed, almost as if I was turning myself inside out.

It took me a couple of days to realize that I had put up a wall of defense which served as protection, for how I was justifying and defending the very fears I ‘thought’ I was stopping. Thus, here walking self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and ‘inner conflict‘ in relation to me having to have dental surgery this week and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal fighting within myself to the point where me and my mind have had conflicting positions in relation to the fear of going to the dentist, which ultimately generated friction within myself which then resulted in energy that lead me to a state of mind in believing how my experience at the dentist would result in/as pain and fear, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance toward going to the dentist until I internalized the fear into a point of inner conflict which caused me to become physically sick, and how within that, I became argumentative with my partner and expected him to somehow be able to ‘make me feel better’ about myself, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within internal conflict to the point that I became a character of gloom and doom and thus created myself into a state of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put up a wall of defense and protection as justification – which stops me from being self intimate with me and thus intimate with others as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I suppress inner conflict and frustration within myself, that I then manifest myself in and as guilt, shame, and anger and thus lash out onto others – for example onto my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have through participating in and as thoughts and backchat of ‘what if’s’ within my mind, have created and manifested illness unto me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself according to a mood and/or a feeling, instead of realizing that I am here, I breathe and I direct me within the decision to stop participating within and as thoughts, feelings, moods and/or emotions/reactions/energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my mind in my own comfort zone where I didn’t realize I was dependent upon the sameness of my everyday wants, needs and desires, thus when my day doesn’t go as I ‘hope’, I go into fear, inner conflict, friction, energy and/or moods and depression.


I commit myself to stop internalizing who I am as fear and thus stop abusing me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop who I am as energy within wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to stop inner conflicts through stopping backchat and the ‘hope’ of what tomorrow will bring.

I commit myself to stop generating energy from inner conflict to that of outer conflicts within and as my world and to/toward my partner.

I commit myself to show that depression is ego and self-interest.

I commit myself to show that All depression and/or doom and gloom moods can be stopped in one moment of breath.

I commit myself to Re-Defining my Relationship with my Partner through the Relationship Course walking through the Desteni I Process.

I commit myself to show that fear only exists within and as my mind and is only as real as I accept and allow it, thus, I stop me as fear and I Breathe.

I commit myself to realize how Trust is only possible with Self in Self-honesty.