Tag Archive | imagination

Day 189: Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Last night I had a dream where I saw someone whose face was blurry and unrecognizable,  yet someone I very much desired attention from . In the dream,  I was aware of how I wanted the person to see me, want me, fulfill and complete me. As the dream was ending I saw a thought/image of myself sitting on the floor with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs with my head bent down in disbelief because I realized the person with the blurred face and unrecognizable was me.

hunger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative emotional charges as an experience within me that feels lost and lonely within and as the idea of what if no one sees me, desires and/or wants me.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself looking, seeking, longing for attention wherein I desire to be seen, wanted, fulfilled and completed by something and/or someone outside of myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that that is how I avoid facing what I’ve become – the vampire who can’t get enough as I continue to suck the life out of me as my physical body and this physical reality through participating in and as negative and positive polarity emotions and feelings, believing I will reach a point of satisfaction when in fact it doesn’t exist,  because I AM that which I’ve been reaching for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself living my life according to a belief thus influencing my actions and reactions where I allow expectations to foster behavior that consistently manifest the expectations.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself where I’m sitting on the floor with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs with my head bent down – where I’m existing within a state of emotional abandonment in realizing what I’ve accepted and allowed in and as characters/personalities and behaviors only ever looking for answers to my own self-fulfilling prophecy no different from living the law of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they don’t like me’ and/or ‘I’m not good enough‘, it’s because I’ve justified my behavior accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed, almost lost like in not realizing that my reactions are actually towards a projection as an image or picture within my mind – not a real expression of me as who I am in and as my own process -but reaching for an image of myself for greatness – instead of me getting to know me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as feeling physically famished, like a hunger and/or an emptiness within myself for how I have become in and as my attempt of living my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project future presentations of myself without yet forgiving and investigating and redesigning who I am because of having lived according to characters/personalities of/as the self-fulfilling prophecies of what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to stop who I am and how I’ve existed in and as living my own self-fulfilling prophecy, where in self-interest and desire I’ve pursued life within the beliefs and ideas of what can I do, what can I have, what can I buy and get and/or what can I be in order that I may be happy.

I commit myself to stop the dreams of and as my mind of what might have been and realize that ‘Might’ keeps me locked into the past of emotions, feelings and moods, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through thoughts into words which I’ve perceived to be acceptable and to instead direct my thoughts to become a living expression of who I choose to be as an expression of life within and as a practical living example that will ensure that everyone have a right to life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to face the fear of facing the nature of who I’ve become as my thoughts and to allow myself to direct my thoughts as what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become to that which is able to walkas the directive principle of self according to and as the principle of equality.

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Earth Journey to Life

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Day 181: Time to stop yanking my own chain

For context read:
Day 179: Just get it done
Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

continuing…

Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension:

I will never get this done

Oh my God I can’t sit still another minute

I need to get finished with this because I have a lot to do

what’s the point, no one really cares anyway

I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from a negative internal conversation/back chat to creating a physical resistance within myself to sitting down and writing and/or to completing my DIP assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I create a negative experience to being responsible, for example in writing and completing an assignment, therefore the internal conversations which urge me to find something else to do is a way for me to avoid taking responsibility by creating a positive experience out of a negative one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘what’s the point, no one really cares anyway’, that in that moment I am not breathing – that I am existing in self-interest and craving attention from outside myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘yank my own chain‘ so to speak, where I allow myself to pull the wool over my own eyes and screw myself over royally in the process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later’, that this is a red flag for myself to stop and breathe and to realize that when I accept and allow myself to fall for this line of bullshit then I must realize I have just bullshitted myself because in the moment of having the internal conversation and back chat is a moment where me as my mind as consciousness has felt threatened and thus will say anything to distract myself from facing myself.

Reaction Dimension:

Feeling overwhelmed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed, where through fear as a thought/image/memory of my mind and through/as my imagination, I begin to have internal conversations and back chat where I begin to feel overwhelmed, and within me as my mind, I begin to jump to conclusions just so I can get done with writing/self-forgiveness and/or my assignment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being overwhelmed when I experience myself as having a negative experience with regards to being responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feelings of being overwhelmed – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the reaction of feeling overwhelmed is a dimension of the fear that I have of facing who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become which is irresponsible toward myself as well as life itself.

PHYSICAL Dimension

Heaviness in chest and shoulder area

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest symptoms of being a burden to myself within and as my physically body, where when I hurry to be done with myself I didn’t realize that I was separating myself from me as my physical body and changing the very condition of how I experience myself when my imagination, backchat and reactions change from a negative to a positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my physical body to energetic experiences where my shoulders and chest become heavy and tight and cause physical discomfort because of the manipulation of myself into energy submission of a negative energy experience – instead of realizing that none of the energetic experience is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek after a positive experience to end a negative experience of myself and within that not realize the toll my physical body is taking in that it pays for any and all participation that I concede to within and as me as my mind as consciousness.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension

Regret

Shame

Guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of allowing myself to be persuaded by fear, images, imagination and internal conversations and back chat of and as my mind to the point that I won’t investigate myself further and thus, I time-loop and then, I face regret for having not faced the responsibility of myself when I first began walking the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame within myself for how i have walked my Journey to/of Life in a half-assed way because I am fully aware of how difficult it is to face self in self-honesty and even though I often pretend to fool myself, I know when I’m deceiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt for what I have put me as my physical body through and for not putting self-honesty first over the desire to have a positive energetic experience.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I fall prey to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness that I not only put me as my physical body at risk but that I put our physical world/reality/existence at risk as well.

When and as I become aware of internal conversations/back chat that is serving me up temptations to stop writing/self-forgiveness and finishing my DIP lessons, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the internal conversations/back chat is what I have used to distract myself from facing All of me, thus, I commit myself to breathe because when I’m aware of myself breathing I am able to trust myself.

I commit myself to stop pursuing a positive experience in order to pacify me as my mind and instead I commit myself to directing me to remain consistent and self-honest as I continue walking the Journey to Life.

I commit myself to apply common sense, thus when and as my mind tells me that there is something more important to be done than writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP lesson, I breathe and see for myself in self-honesty what it is that I must complete so as to walk this life as a living example of being self-responsible according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that the mind of man is our own worst enemy and that we use it against ourselves and each other by way of manipulation techniques using money as the motivator to continue to deceive one another. I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to stop yanking my own chain, to stop bullshitting myself, because I’m aware when I’m accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and finish what I start when I sit down to write/apply self-forgiveness and/or to complete a DIP lesson.

I commit myself to stop participating in reactions of feeling overwhelmed and instead I direct myself to breathe and focus on who I am here breathing.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself from life through avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and for the part I play in manifesting the abusive nature of our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop submitting me as my physical body to discomfort due to manipulating myself into believing that energetic experiences are real.

I commit myself to become aware of how and where my physical body is affected when I participate in and as thoughts and energy.

I commit myself to become aware of the physical consequences of continuing to hurry and thus jump to conclusions because I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I put myself as my physical body and our physical reality at risk of depleting it of it’s life giving resources.

I commit myself to re-establishing a relationship with myself in self-intimacy.

Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

For context read: Day 179: Just get it done

Imagination Dimension:

When I’m blogging, writing self-forgiveness and/or finishing an assignment for DIP – I imagine seeing all the things that I still need to do for the day – such as laundry, cooking, cleaning etc – because again, it’s like I’m always looking for a means to an end of how I’m experiencing myself, which is actually rather odd when one actually stops and looks at it. I mean, I see how I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within my mind that it is only when ‘I’m done’ – specifically with my writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP assignment – only when I’m done, will I be able to relax and be comfortable, and be able to ‘do what I want to do’ – such as watch t.v. or watch a movie for example. And as a result, I hurry up and just get it done and then end up right back where I started because I didn’t breathe and give myself the opportunity to investigate myself thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down to write or to work on a DIP assignment, that I go into my mind where I separate myself from myself and my physical reality by participating in allowing myself to imagine how much longer it will take me to finish my writing/assignment, and I forgive myself for how I allow the scene to play out where within my mind I see all the things that I need to finish for the day, such as doing the laundry, cleaning the house and/or fixing supper and within that, I also play out in my mind how much time each task will take before I’m done for the day and how long before I can get comfortable and do what I want to do such as watch tv or a movie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically imagine myself finishing my daily tasks just so I can sit and zone out watching tv or a movie and within that never taking self-responsibility and considering how in doing so I am being manipulated and controlled by my mind as well as continuing to support the nonsense which keeps us enslaved as consciousness through television and movies just to name a few.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve the lie that I can only be happy, relaxed and comfortable when I’m finished with my daily writing/self-forgiveness/DIP assignment, and thus I must hurry up and get done – when the fact is, when I slooooow myself down and breathe, I realize that my daily writing/self-forgiveness and/or my DIP assignment is self-fulfilling in a way that nothing else can compare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how programmed I am in believing that I have some form of control over myself, when the fact is, I have always been programmed to think and behave and constantly seek to replace a negative experience of myself for a positive one, and within that never actually taking self-responsibility in any way whatsoever for who I am and for what I accept and allow because I’m always to busy chasing after energetic polarities of positive and negative.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and imagine myself as having a positive experience over having what I perceive is a negative experience, I stop, I breathe – Instead, I direct myself to slow myself down and breathe and to realize that as i continue to walk this point through in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in and as the physical, that I will begin to change and redesign who I am as one who is walking this life as a living example of what it is to take self-responsibility for myself and my world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I am when I imagine scenarios within my mind where I distract myself to believe that I don’t have time, that I must hurry and ‘get it done’ so that then I can be comfortable, because I see, realize and understand that being comfortable within the idea of needing to hurry is a perception of and as my mind as consciousness, rooted in self-interest and that ultimately, all I’m ever actually doing is repeating the same cycles of myself over and over going from a negative to a positive experience and never actually reaching a point of physical comfort.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated and directed by me as my mind as consciousness and to instead direct myself as my mind to commit myself to writing, self-forgiveness. self-corrective application and completing my DIP assignments because I see, realize and understand how the application of each one supports me to trust myself for the first time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am always trading comfortability over self-responsibility and within that never stopping to consider how egotistical it is to exist where I am always motivated through self-interest and greed because my idea of being comfortable requires money to purchase the things that I have accepted and allowed to make me ‘feel’ comfortable: such as food, the internet, movie rentals and/or comfortable furnishings.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself activating the ‘just get it done’ character, where in my imagination I play out scenarios that lead me to my mind’s idea of comfort, I stop, I breathe – I direct myself to remain here with myself and complete what needs to be done in my immediate physical reality, to direct/will myself to stop participating and continue with writing/self-forgiveness/my assignment in realizing that I am giving to myself the opportunity to change myself from the inside out and thus assist in changing our world to one according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself where I compromise myself and my responsibilities to myself and my world because I give in to energetic experiences and allow my imagination to get the better of me – instead of breathing and practically getting things done that I see, realize and understand in self-honesty is required of me in order to assist and support myself to stop the vicious cycles of self-abuse and abuse unto life itself.

I commit myself to STOP abusing myself through self-sabotage where I accept and allow myself to give in and participate in my imagination of wanting, seeking and desiring to have a positive energetic experience.

I commit myself to stop placing want, need, desire and energy before taking self-responsibility for who I am living within me and my world.

In my next blog I will continue with investigating the Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension of the ‘Just get it done’ character

Day 166: It’s Not You – It’s Me

I have memories of me as a child where in my mind I would imagine what it would feel like to be special in the eyes of my parents. The imagination game within my mind required that I become certain characters dependent upon how I wanted to experience myself. Within that, I mentally dragged my sister along and ultimately blamed her when things didn’t go my way. And actually, I’ve done this with everyone I’ve ever had a relationship with, therefore, I will begin with the following self-forgiveness as I investigate myself further in realizing – that everything and anything that bothered me about my sister and/or anyone or anything that bothers me for that matter – I can be sure that the same exists within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone and lonely so much that all I lived for was that moment when I experienced a positive energetic charge within myself that gave me a feeling of well being and I didn’t care what lie I had to tell or who got hurt in the process of me getting high on that feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my mind on an idea and according to that idea shut myself off to everyone within my world where I won’t actually hear or see how another being is actually experiencing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for how and what I can do, get and have to make the experience of myself a positive and happy one and within that never considered how and who will have to experience themselves in a negative way under horrible circumstances in order to fulfill my self-serving tendencies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the evil that exists within me when I judge what I perceive as someone being a ‘failure’ and how I will take from their negative energy experience a false sense of self where I see myself as being better than and thus believing myself within a positive energy experience so that I can reach that feeling good about myself place,  not realizing that in order to have happy there must be sad – the same applies in that,  in order for there to be the rich, there must be the poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the failure of others as an opportunity to get attention and a way of making myself believe that i look better through the eyes of others as a result of someone else’s failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when I am enjoying myself because of how I have harbored judgment and resentment toward people who I see are enjoying themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to enjoy myself because I fear that others will judge me because within my mind I have secretly judged them.

to be continued

Important Blogs to Read Daily:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

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Day 155: Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/believe/participate in and as the thoughts: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’ – six words that keep popping up within my mind following an image of me lowering my head and slightly rubbing my nose and pausing just as I’m sitting in front of the computer to write, where in that moment, I lose awareness of myself as breath and allowed myself to be distracted with the backchat in my head which caused me to reject myself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in that moment within me, I was rejecting myself within the starting point of self-interest and unknowingly (when I slow myself down I realize what I’m doing) I would hide within myself from me and ultimately manifest intense pain within my physical body in my upper back region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I manipulate myself where I justify my stuckness as unimportant and act as my own bad referee where I basically sideline myself, isolate myself, and literally remove myself from being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I exist in and as resistance, my body language morphs into and as the resistance, where I cross my arms in defense and protection from others, and my right hand clutches my left hand,  basically, I hold a position of superiority while existing in and as inferiority, causing pain within my physical body, and lots of it, and secretly, I know within my mind that my physical body is showing me the tell-tale signs of my suppressed state, thus, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I slow myself down I am able to move beyond the point of resistance and thus stop the thoughts of and as my mind as the words saying to me: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’, because I see, realize and understand how the words are me and represent a point of acceptance of how in the past I’ve allowed myself to sink into and as a resistance which manifests and creates physical pain within and as my back, thus I commit myself to stop what I see, realize and understand is a point of resistance, a sort of blockage of emotions and feelings within and as my physical body,  I breathe, I earth myself here in becoming the directive principle of/as and for me in order to first change myself through self-honesty from the inside out to thus stop resistance, to thus begin to express myself as who I am, to give my all to me through gratefulness for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the amount of self suppression I have existed as, because I see, realize and understand how this Day 155, of me walking the Journey to Life , I realize that I am only now getting started, therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand both the magnitude and the simplicity of making the decision to continue writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, because I comprehend how it is only through this Journey that I will ever come close to being who I am, as well as having the opportunity to possibly birth myself as Life from the Physical. I am grateful to/for me as my physical body for supporting me as I walk this Journey and support a World according to what’s best for All.

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Day 149: You hurt my feelings character

My son’s birthday was a few days ago. I wasn’t able to talk to him or see him and I told myself that I was ok with that. I lied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself when I fear because I convinced myself it makes me ‘feel’ better when the fact is lying further suppresses within me that which I’m avoiding taking responsibility for.

The last words that my son said to me were: “you’re not my mom, you’re just a lady who gave birth to me”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I think about my son, I fear when I realize that I can’t talk to him and/or go see him, then I become angry and suppress my anger by becoming a character of ‘you hurt my feelings‘, and within that I forgive myself for how I’ve used the memory of our past argument as a defense mechanism which creates physical pain within me within the illusion of it all in how I’ve held in and on to the memory of his words as if they are jagged edged swords piercing deep within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how holding onto memories keeps me committed to the past and thus never evolving as a living being but only evolving within methods of protection to defend the memory/past within a definition of self as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have used my son’s words to create a character of and as my mind as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character and as such I continue to walk and live the consequences of my own self-interest in believing that what has been done cannot be undone because I’ve reLIED upon and lived as those words through feelings and emotions which I’ve accepted and allowed to guide me into having experiences of myself accordingly and as such, I’ve not yet realized the extent that I myself have misused and abused the living word itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image/picture within myself of myself of how to raise a child, when in fact. I didn’t know the first thing in how to prepare a child to care for themselves and/or their physical reality in order to guarantee a world ready and able to nourish and sustain life on earth into and as eternity according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as an image/picture to come up within me of when my son was a baby and how having him made me feel proud and on top of the world and how in that one moment I took for granted that I would/could be a great mom when in fact I wasn’t prepared to raise the baby/son and the man to be, yet, I held onto him as if he was a puppy that I could train to love me.

Sometimes, to make myself ‘feel’ better, I imagine everything between him and I is suddenly, magically alright.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself from what I perceive within my mind as a negative experience to then a positive one through imagining everything suddenly is alright between the two of us, when I see, realize and understand that this is how me as my mind has always justified my avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and others as myself, because in doing so within my mind I never actually face myself and/or never walk any real change of myself into and as who I am within and as my physical reality.

I still have a strong feeling that says: “How dare you”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the kind of parent who reacts to my child within a matter of duty, as if my child owes me something for bringing him/her into this world and thus my actions demand respect,  when in fact,  I see the common sense in how as a parent I failed my children in that I took for granted that I knew and was teaching them what mattered most in life, such as love and God, when the truth is, I was only teaching them what was taught to me and what was taught to my parents,  and in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand how as parents we’ve not investigated our world for ourselves, thus we’ve been living knowledge and information and have not actually been prepared to teach our children how to become a responsible human being as one who recognizes and shares the understanding of the Equality of Life of and as all living beings and supports their world accordingly.

The last time I saw my son was a year ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret who I physically become within and as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character wherein when I’m around my son I walk with my head slightly tilted to the right which I now see is how I walk when I’m in deep thought, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not moving myself in the way I really wanted to which was to physically embrace him within self-honesty and complete acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process within wants, desires and expectations of seeking to control others/my children in order for me to have and behave as that which I was seeking in self-interest.

When and as I see myself existing as the character of and as my mind of/as: ‘you hurt my feelings’, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that feelings manifest who I’ve become as characters/personalities, and that the only power that feelings and emotion have over me is the power that I give them through my participating in and as thoughts and energetic reactions of and as polarity experiences, thus I commit myself to stop patterns of taking a negative experience of myself to that of a positive one in order to justify the demons of who and how I have existed as within my past, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as the memory of the words that my son once said to me and I commit myself to purify into life the words we live by and as daily.

I commit myself to stop lying to myself and others as myself and to commit myself to stop walking my process within regret, guilt, wants, desires, energy and expectations.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can let go the past and begin a process of healing self from the inside out which can and will manifest unto and as the world as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot fully receive from anyone that which I’m not yet willing to give to all Equally.

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‎”Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

Day 24: Waiting on the World to Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself as being misunderstood wherein I’ve walked the path of the middle road claiming myself to be waiting on the world to change when actually I was hiding in fear of who I am within how the world exists and in my own self-denial remained quietly waiting for someone to somehow come and save me and/or show me ‘the way’, instead of realizing who I am in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to stand with those I called my friends in their waiting for the world to change simply because I as them wanted/needed someone to agree with what was actually a disapproval of self and thus we validated one to/from the other the same as we existed as, in and as dishonesty to/towards self in the denial of self and an abdication of/to and/as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in my conformity to/as and within our money/world system to stand for nothing and believed myself as having no ability to ever be able to stand and become accountable and self-responsible for what is being accepted and allowed within our money/world system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to gather in a work place environment and settle into the rules as I walked the line in agreement with others and silently resented my place in the matrix as I stood in separation of/as it, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that it’s not about ‘fighting’ the system, it’s about facing who I am within and as the system and changing who I am in self-honesty and directing myself equal and one to/towards an actual physical self-corrective change in order to support and ensure a quality of life in Equality for and as All living beings.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to claim to see everything that is going ‘wrong’ within this world and those who lead it when in fact I didn’t have a real clue how everything that is existing within this world as the crime, abuse, starvation, war and murder begins with money/profit and greed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in saying that I see how fucked up the world is, yet I accepted myself to be the feelings of fear I experienced, which I used as an excuse to say that I didn’t have the means to rise above and beat how our current money/world systems exist, when in fact there is nothing to ‘beat’, there is only common sense in seeing that how the world exists is accepting and allowing a minority to live in luxury while the majority support, accept and allow them to do so while millions suffer and/or starve to death.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep on waiting and waiting for the world to change because I couldn’t/wouldn’t face the fact that the world will never change until I first forgive myself and begin to face me in self-honesty, wherein I make the decision to stand up and change me from within and as such I stop the direction of my mind and I direct myself as my mind in the decision to only accept and allow a world/money system which supports that which is best for all.

Quote From Creation’s Journey to Life Blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the poor instead of realizing that the poor represent the part of us that wants and seeks to have more than our neighbor.

I forgive myself for the times that I said if I had the power I’d bring my neighbor home from the battle ground so that they would have never missed a moment living the death in/as/of war, instead I see/realize and understand that war exists within our outside world because of the war raging within us in our not hearing our self-honesty for us to stop and forgive ourselves and thus forgive and support each other to create a world which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust the television and commercials bending the mind as consciousness in ways to enslave, wherein humanity walks about as dumbed down energy seekers looking for a ‘good time’ all the while time is running out and information is all we’ve ever got, instead of actually living a life of self-realization through and as an honesty within self where self-trust begins wherein self sees/realizes and understands that for one to live fully and actually free, all life must first be supported according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to profess I care and that the fight isn’t fair and so I just sat around waiting and waiting, instead of realizing that we must first care to see who we are within what we say isn’t fair, and in seeing we forgive what we’ve avoided seeing in fear and we see in self-honesty that to really care is to give to another that which self would like to receive and thus we stand as one man, one vote in support of an Equal Money System because in our giving what’s best for all to all living beings we will never be found lacking.

Art By: Ann Van Den Broeck

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get drunk and/or high and blame others for the guilt and helplessness I felt within myself for how our world punishes those who are barely surviving our mone/world system – instead of realizing that through self-forgiveness I am able to see in self-honesty who I’m able to be standing in self-trust and supporting a system of equality which supports that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s hard to beat the system and as such stood at/as a distance/separate, waiting for the world to change, when in fact, in wanting to ‘beat’ the system we’re actually only wanting to ‘beat’ ourselves, because we are the system and we’re only actually waiting on ourselves to stand up and stop what we’re accepting and allowing to/from as our world/money systems, and waiting on ourself to face who we are within our current money/world system, thus we forgive ourselves and we see/realize and understand that when we forgive ourselves, we see/realize and understand that there is no one else to forgive, there is only life here to support and as such we stand up as one man, one vote in support of an Equal Money System, which will be the beginning in creating Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe we’re actually free within this world when all the while I pretended daily to be a multiple of personalities, a personality for work/survival, a personality when I had money, and a different one when I was broke just to name a few thus realizing that when money is given to all equally only then will everyone actually be free to be who we are within every moment of breath, the same yesterday and today, equal and one as all here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that one day some generation is going to rule the population so we just keep waiting and waiting and thus we’ve not seen that we are who we’re waiting on and thus there is no more time for waiting for the world to change when the change we’re waiting on rests within our own self-honest self-direction according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to no longer waiting on the world to change when in fact change begins first within myself in forgiving myself and in self-honesty directing myself in self-corrective application so that I may bring awareness that life has been abdicated to self-interest and greed and that to stop abdication to life is to stop the direction of and as the conscious mind and to direct self according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to pushing myself to assure that everyone is allowed an education so that we can stop the grips of paid information which has dumbed us down as a humanity for the purpose of a few to live in luxury while the majority slave, support and/or suffer and die needlessly.

I commit myself to forgiving myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed in how I’ve been directed and fell into the trap of/as the mind as consciousness and furthermore, I take self-responsibility in stopping and beginning in this moment of breath in trusting myself to see and realize and direct myself in supporting and creating a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to understanding in self-honesty who I am and how our world exists within every relationship I/We exist in and to thus support myself and each other to be be able to understand our past so that we can change the future in and as our relationships.