Tag Archive | parental abuse

Day 206: The Suffering of Others

I’ve never really considered myself as the type of person who gets off on the suffering of others. I was wrong, because as it turns out, I do. It can be something so seemingly unimportant, something as simple as what happened around here recently.

My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter’s dad had went to the store earlier in the day and it wasn’t until just before bedtime that he realized he had forgotten to purchase diapers. We live at least 45 minutes from the nearest store open at that time of the night and he was already tired and had to get up in 6 hours to go to work. There was the temptation in considering that 6 diapers would get her through the next day, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of her having to wear a dirty one until they got home from work. So I insisted that he go on to the store and quite frankly, I saw the situation as a lack of self-responsibility on their part for forgetting to get diapers in the first place. As he left for the store I saw how I was relishing in the back chat that was existing in my mind in thinking, ‘this’ll teach him’. I mean, he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work on time and he works really hard all day, so for me to find comfort in him having to go to the store, like some sort of suffering for his negligence, was quite an alarming site to myself existing in/as.

As he closed the door and left for the store, I heard a voice within me that said: ‘Shame on You’!  I sat there and breathed and stopped the energy swirling within me. The energetic reaction, a sort of spite and animosity that reaches far beyond my own comprehension, yet I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to participate, I am accepting and allowing all suffering within this world to exist.

It begins here within me, within what I accept and allow the inner me to be, and it is my responsibility to investigate who I am as it, forgive it and walk the self-corrective application to stop living as it.

How can suffering end as long as I am living as that which support it?

The shame that I was experiencing was the relationship that I have with fear and guilt and I was reminded of the Creation’s Journey to Life Blog which I had read earlier in the day, because I realized in that moment that I was fearing the shame I experienced myself as. I suggest reading the entire blog titled: Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation

Here is a quote from the blog:

“Do Not FEAR Shame. That is what Parents and the System use to Control you. Fear of SHAME. EMBRACE Shame, if you can Find it!

In the Shame you will See WHAT YOU ACCEPT and Allow and How that INFLUENCE and HARM others on a Level of Life – NOT the System. System Shame is to Not Pay your Debts – then you are blacklisted to Force you to Shame. That is Not Real Shame. That is Control, like a Parent Forcing a Child into Submission to Adhere to the System of Slavery. That is Why the Parent will Never teach the Child Real Shame, only the Shame of Slavery.

Real Shame is the Key to FREEDOM, the Key to Silence WITHIN, the KEY to LOVE, the Key to LIFE, the KEY to a New World, the KEY to Forgiveness, the KEY to Self-Honesty, the KEY to Intimacy, the Key to TRUST, the Key to Insight, the Key to the Universe, the KEY to Life.

Those without Real Shame, will attempt to Shame you to SHUT you UP – because they have no Shame. Pity them, because they have Lost Life Forever.” Bernard Poolman

the suffering of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a guilt-fear reaction, fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s in the smallest details of that which we accept, allow and ignore, that we manifest and create the greatest of life’s atrocites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the real shame within choosing comfort and rest within myself and my little world while throughout the entire world there is a vast number of those who silently suffer in war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own enjoyment and to imagine having all the conveniences that modern living with lots of money can bring and within that haven’t considered how in order for me to have all that, there must be those that go without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach guilt, anger and shame to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the one design that connects us all is our enslavement to Money in that we willingly let many suffer while a few live in luxary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to be dishonest in my choice to in fear seek only to protect myself, to only be concerned and care about me and my family and my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and give value to life through my own illusionary imaginative mind of self-interest, money / power and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I abdicate my self-responsibility through animosity in blaming the perception I have of others as not taking self-responsibility as the reason for how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger and animosity upon others and relish in their mistakes because I fear facing my own experience of/as inferiority/inadequacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy of anger as an excuse for not investigating my resistance to self change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my words and tonality towards others as a way of projecting my own feelings of guilt and shame onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the shame in the truth of me as the nature of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the inner me which is manifested as the outer me as how our world/reality currently exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self- responsibility for myself in standing up for all as one as equal as me, in living the solution for all as one as equal to stop what I / We have accepted and allowed within ourselves and within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being shamed by others for making the decision to change myself to be the sort of human being that will stand up and support a world/money system that will be supportive of All living beings according to what’s best for all, from birth till death, because I see, realize and understand that the Real Shame is in the accepting and allowing of even one to suffer while another has it all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into a guilt-fear reaction,  fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as I stop, I breathe.  I direct myself to investigate what’s really going on within me and to establish myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of polarity conflict where I go into shame and guilt to cover up how I’m experiencing myself instead of actually understanding what’s going on within and as me.

I commit myself to continue to investigate my relationship to money to further my understanding of how the decisions I make contribute either to the suffering of others or the well being of others, the choice and responsibility is always here as me.

I commit myself to Stop and Change who I am within accepting and allowing the needless suffering of life due to our corrupt world/money system, to support Equal Money Capitalism, to bring an end to all suffering.

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Day 148: Babies having Babies


Florida teen, 14, charged with first degree murder

A 14 year old Florida teen, is charged with first degree murder after she gives birth in the family bathroom – strangles her 9 1/2 pound baby boy and hides his body in a shoe box that she dumps in the bottom of her closet and covers it with dirty laundry. Her mother finds the baby days later cleaning her daughters closet and claims she never even knew her daughter was pregnant – even though her closest friends had questioned her the entire summer as to why her daughter was gaining weight.

Everything about this story screams out to us as a humanity to ask ourselves what the hell are we accepting and allowing when the world we exist in continues to FAIL our children.

How much more suffering will it take before we each one stand up and take responsibility for the fact that we have failed to communicate, educate or even behave in a humane manner to each other and the children we claim to be raising.

Generation after generation, children are becoming the fear product of who we are as parents running around trying to make it within a money system that thrives on competition and greed, and the fact remains, the children are the ones that suffer. It’s time we all took responsibility for these crimes against life that are occuring daily.

The majority of us, we bow down to the ‘rich and famous’. Hell, we pay their salary and dream of becoming them as we sleep walk through our enslaved lives. All the while barely paying any attention to the children we’re bringing into this mess we refer to as life.

Can you imagine being a baby born into our current world/money system to the likes of us as the parents we’ve become. Supporters of our own Enslavement

That’s the Hell of it, it’s what is happening…

Support the Solution: Equal Money

Day 133: Killing Blame

Walking the following the Self-forgiveness for how today, I saw myself want to blame another for something that changed how I experienced myself within my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how when I become a character/memory of and as my mind, that I not only blame others for how I experience myself but I also blame them for how things happen within my world and as such it becomes easy for me to justify my actions even if it means that I am creating hurtful consequences for another, because as long as I am benefitting from my behavior, whether it be emotional, comforting and/or of monetary benefit, I will allow that to override my sense of self-control in order to achieve what I want because it’s all about me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how as the character of blame, if I see that my behavior is no longer producing the desired results and my experience results in a negative experience, I will use that as a point of blame as well and create a protection of sorts, which is how me as my mind as consciousness protects my core beliefs and thus continues to blame others, instead of taking self-responsibility for my actions which may or may not have resulted in the consequences of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a character of blame I will find reasons why I should be excused for taking responsibility for my actions by participating in and as backchat which begin as: “so and so did this and that”, thus, I will magically put the fault elsewhere on someone else proving to myself within the perception of my ‘secret mind‘ that because of “so and so”, I couldn’t possibly be held accountable and/or responsible thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of blame, I experience pain in my upper back region which I see happens mostly after a negative energy experience where I manipulate others through polarity equations where I overemphasize the negative effects that others have had on me while overemphasizing myself which underemphasizes the negative effects that my actions have had on others and thus, I avoid taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become and for how and what I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

When and as I see myself wanting to/place blame onto another, I Stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to stop who I am as a character of blame and direct myself through self-corrective application to take complete responsibility for who I am, to show how I am able to move myself as my physical body in walking as self-support to realign and redesign who I am in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to divert attention away from me onto another person by blaming others for what happened not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within and as myself to take responsibility for what is here and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise or understand that as long as I am hiding behind the blame character I am tacitly accepting and allowing that which is here to continue to exist and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to what is here by allowing myself to hide behind the blame character.” ~ Esteni De Wet

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman