Tag Archive | crown of thorns

Day 164: Innerspace

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within myself where within me as my physical body I feel as if I’m experiencing myself as having to push myself through the great barrier reef of suppressed self-judgment and emotions which I have attached a definition of myself to which reads failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when within my mind I hear, ‘suck it up and ignore the pain within yourself’, to not realize that I’m manipulating and justifying who I am so much so that I reach a point of the grandest of self illusions -where I’ve got no clue who and/or what character or personality will show up as me when I stand before friends and family who know me best in how I’ve always pretended to be what I perceive they expect me to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind exist as crooked, dishonest and basically someone who has been full of shit in how I become angry towards my children and my partner, and then have the nerve to wonder why I have pain in and as my physical body which in itself feels crooked with kinks in it, and within that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through the relationships I have with my children and my partner, I have suppressed myself in and as guilt, shame and regret and where I direct myself as such through and as emotions inward unto me as my physical body which causes within me a sense of loss which I then define myself as in fear of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to forgive me for the mother I have been in how I raised my children in and as self-interest, fear and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when experiencing pain within and as my physical body to participate in the thought, ‘I can’t do this, it’s to painful’.

When and as I see myself go into fear where I tighten up and suppress myself and become characters and personalities that I see, realize and understand compound into and manifest systems within me as my physical body – I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to me as my physical body and this physical reality first and foremost to thus begin to be a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to forgiving me for the definition I have lived of myself as,  ‘a mom who failed her children’, and to redefine myself according to me as a mom breathing and walking here with both feet on the ground walking in and as self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop going emotionally bankrupt within and as my mind where I suppress within me raging systems of and consciousness as shame, regret and fear of loss.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the guilt I’ve existed as of not being the mother to my children that gives way to allow their child to express who they may become as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to accept the breath of life unto and as all of me as my physical body.

“I commit myself to remind each one that we are all guests on Earth and we have abused the hospitality of Earth and created an Asylum and Hospital out of Earth searching for Feelings of energy in Self-interest. Earth will no longer tolerate the abuse and we as Humanity will now face our final our within which each one must decide who The I will be, Life or Self Interest. There is no one that can deny that deep inside this hour has always been expected.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 140: Inside Out

Monday I had an appointment to have some much needed dental work done which I’m still not finished with but I’ve had quite a bit of fear about. Then on Tuesday, I came down sick with a head cold that I’m still not well from and then Wednesday, I became very frustrated with my partner which was actually a point of lack of communication on both our parts…

So, this week has been somewhat of a challenge and what I’ve realized is how destructive ‘inner conflict’ is in that, when I would see myself go into thoughts about going to the dentist, I would become irritated, anxious and very emotional where I felt raw and exposed, almost as if I was turning myself inside out.

It took me a couple of days to realize that I had put up a wall of defense which served as protection, for how I was justifying and defending the very fears I ‘thought’ I was stopping. Thus, here walking self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and ‘inner conflict‘ in relation to me having to have dental surgery this week and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal fighting within myself to the point where me and my mind have had conflicting positions in relation to the fear of going to the dentist, which ultimately generated friction within myself which then resulted in energy that lead me to a state of mind in believing how my experience at the dentist would result in/as pain and fear, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance toward going to the dentist until I internalized the fear into a point of inner conflict which caused me to become physically sick, and how within that, I became argumentative with my partner and expected him to somehow be able to ‘make me feel better’ about myself, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within internal conflict to the point that I became a character of gloom and doom and thus created myself into a state of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put up a wall of defense and protection as justification – which stops me from being self intimate with me and thus intimate with others as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I suppress inner conflict and frustration within myself, that I then manifest myself in and as guilt, shame, and anger and thus lash out onto others – for example onto my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have through participating in and as thoughts and backchat of ‘what if’s’ within my mind, have created and manifested illness unto me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself according to a mood and/or a feeling, instead of realizing that I am here, I breathe and I direct me within the decision to stop participating within and as thoughts, feelings, moods and/or emotions/reactions/energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my mind in my own comfort zone where I didn’t realize I was dependent upon the sameness of my everyday wants, needs and desires, thus when my day doesn’t go as I ‘hope’, I go into fear, inner conflict, friction, energy and/or moods and depression.


I commit myself to stop internalizing who I am as fear and thus stop abusing me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop who I am as energy within wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to stop inner conflicts through stopping backchat and the ‘hope’ of what tomorrow will bring.

I commit myself to stop generating energy from inner conflict to that of outer conflicts within and as my world and to/toward my partner.

I commit myself to show that depression is ego and self-interest.

I commit myself to show that All depression and/or doom and gloom moods can be stopped in one moment of breath.

I commit myself to Re-Defining my Relationship with my Partner through the Relationship Course walking through the Desteni I Process.

I commit myself to show that fear only exists within and as my mind and is only as real as I accept and allow it, thus, I stop me as fear and I Breathe.

I commit myself to realize how Trust is only possible with Self in Self-honesty.

Day 59: My Throne of God

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite people within this world in my mind as backchat where I have thoughts toward people as not being SINcere and/or trustworthy, when the fact is I know in self-honesty that I am actually seeing myself in/as the SIN of what is here in how ‘I’ exist in spite and judge and criticize and compete to be the best, and win the most, and be the most special, thus, when that doesn’t happen for me, I then sit upon my throne of judgment and condemnation to/towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a spiteful and revengeful human, and in fact I am SOULy responsible for how I’ve lived my life according to the words written in the bible because I accepted and allowed myself to ‘be the LIE’ within the beLIEfs where I have manifested and created myself to be the evil in live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire myself as the God of my throne within existence wherein I have attempted to catapult my way to stardom with no consideration for those who may be in the line of fire of my selfish desires.


I commit myself to release myself from my own Throne of God as a Religion of Self through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in believing that I deserve the best of all things never considering the millions who haven’t the slightest chance of having anything and where within my mind I sat myself on a throne where I’ve projected myself within a ‘my shit don’t stink attitude’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m worthy of something more when in fact I’m less than my mind which I’ve allowed to direct me according to the rules of consciousness as envy and ego with greed being the heavyweight through the power it packs through the support of our current Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that surrounding my throne of God is the pavement/foundation of my real intentions to/towards others designed inside my own hell of/as my mind where I’ve walked as a heavily SOULd version of myself for a fools paradise which has begun in the mind of me as consciousness thus, I’ve not really grasped the magnitude of how the SINS of man are MANifestering Hell on Earth for All the world to bare witness to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where CONsumerism is destroying life whilst Earth provides enough for everybody except that of the greed of man, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become manipulated by my own greed for money/power.

I commit myself to be the reed in greed and become an instrument for/as assisting this world to see that it is Not the other we are truly at war with for the war we perceive outside of ourselves, is infact the war existent within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own crown of thorns perched upon my throne of God within my mind according to the religion of self.

I commit myself to stop the religion of self and support a world/money system where life is valued breath by breath according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that only the mind as consciousness seizes the need to be exalted and thus, it is our each individual responsibility to stop who we’ve been in greed and to stand up in support of a money system that exalts All living beings with a quality of life in Equality.

Suggested to READ:
The Singularity that Collapsed Life: DAY 60
Day 59: Word of God