Tag Archive | Survive

Day 181: Time to stop yanking my own chain

For context read:
Day 179: Just get it done
Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

continuing…

Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension:

I will never get this done

Oh my God I can’t sit still another minute

I need to get finished with this because I have a lot to do

what’s the point, no one really cares anyway

I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from a negative internal conversation/back chat to creating a physical resistance within myself to sitting down and writing and/or to completing my DIP assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I create a negative experience to being responsible, for example in writing and completing an assignment, therefore the internal conversations which urge me to find something else to do is a way for me to avoid taking responsibility by creating a positive experience out of a negative one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘what’s the point, no one really cares anyway’, that in that moment I am not breathing – that I am existing in self-interest and craving attention from outside myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘yank my own chain‘ so to speak, where I allow myself to pull the wool over my own eyes and screw myself over royally in the process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later’, that this is a red flag for myself to stop and breathe and to realize that when I accept and allow myself to fall for this line of bullshit then I must realize I have just bullshitted myself because in the moment of having the internal conversation and back chat is a moment where me as my mind as consciousness has felt threatened and thus will say anything to distract myself from facing myself.

Reaction Dimension:

Feeling overwhelmed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed, where through fear as a thought/image/memory of my mind and through/as my imagination, I begin to have internal conversations and back chat where I begin to feel overwhelmed, and within me as my mind, I begin to jump to conclusions just so I can get done with writing/self-forgiveness and/or my assignment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being overwhelmed when I experience myself as having a negative experience with regards to being responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feelings of being overwhelmed – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the reaction of feeling overwhelmed is a dimension of the fear that I have of facing who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become which is irresponsible toward myself as well as life itself.

PHYSICAL Dimension

Heaviness in chest and shoulder area

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest symptoms of being a burden to myself within and as my physically body, where when I hurry to be done with myself I didn’t realize that I was separating myself from me as my physical body and changing the very condition of how I experience myself when my imagination, backchat and reactions change from a negative to a positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my physical body to energetic experiences where my shoulders and chest become heavy and tight and cause physical discomfort because of the manipulation of myself into energy submission of a negative energy experience – instead of realizing that none of the energetic experience is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek after a positive experience to end a negative experience of myself and within that not realize the toll my physical body is taking in that it pays for any and all participation that I concede to within and as me as my mind as consciousness.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension

Regret

Shame

Guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of allowing myself to be persuaded by fear, images, imagination and internal conversations and back chat of and as my mind to the point that I won’t investigate myself further and thus, I time-loop and then, I face regret for having not faced the responsibility of myself when I first began walking the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame within myself for how i have walked my Journey to/of Life in a half-assed way because I am fully aware of how difficult it is to face self in self-honesty and even though I often pretend to fool myself, I know when I’m deceiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt for what I have put me as my physical body through and for not putting self-honesty first over the desire to have a positive energetic experience.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I fall prey to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness that I not only put me as my physical body at risk but that I put our physical world/reality/existence at risk as well.

When and as I become aware of internal conversations/back chat that is serving me up temptations to stop writing/self-forgiveness and finishing my DIP lessons, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the internal conversations/back chat is what I have used to distract myself from facing All of me, thus, I commit myself to breathe because when I’m aware of myself breathing I am able to trust myself.

I commit myself to stop pursuing a positive experience in order to pacify me as my mind and instead I commit myself to directing me to remain consistent and self-honest as I continue walking the Journey to Life.

I commit myself to apply common sense, thus when and as my mind tells me that there is something more important to be done than writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP lesson, I breathe and see for myself in self-honesty what it is that I must complete so as to walk this life as a living example of being self-responsible according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that the mind of man is our own worst enemy and that we use it against ourselves and each other by way of manipulation techniques using money as the motivator to continue to deceive one another. I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to stop yanking my own chain, to stop bullshitting myself, because I’m aware when I’m accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and finish what I start when I sit down to write/apply self-forgiveness and/or to complete a DIP lesson.

I commit myself to stop participating in reactions of feeling overwhelmed and instead I direct myself to breathe and focus on who I am here breathing.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself from life through avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and for the part I play in manifesting the abusive nature of our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop submitting me as my physical body to discomfort due to manipulating myself into believing that energetic experiences are real.

I commit myself to become aware of how and where my physical body is affected when I participate in and as thoughts and energy.

I commit myself to become aware of the physical consequences of continuing to hurry and thus jump to conclusions because I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I put myself as my physical body and our physical reality at risk of depleting it of it’s life giving resources.

I commit myself to re-establishing a relationship with myself in self-intimacy.

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Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

For context read: Day 179: Just get it done

Imagination Dimension:

When I’m blogging, writing self-forgiveness and/or finishing an assignment for DIP – I imagine seeing all the things that I still need to do for the day – such as laundry, cooking, cleaning etc – because again, it’s like I’m always looking for a means to an end of how I’m experiencing myself, which is actually rather odd when one actually stops and looks at it. I mean, I see how I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within my mind that it is only when ‘I’m done’ – specifically with my writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP assignment – only when I’m done, will I be able to relax and be comfortable, and be able to ‘do what I want to do’ – such as watch t.v. or watch a movie for example. And as a result, I hurry up and just get it done and then end up right back where I started because I didn’t breathe and give myself the opportunity to investigate myself thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down to write or to work on a DIP assignment, that I go into my mind where I separate myself from myself and my physical reality by participating in allowing myself to imagine how much longer it will take me to finish my writing/assignment, and I forgive myself for how I allow the scene to play out where within my mind I see all the things that I need to finish for the day, such as doing the laundry, cleaning the house and/or fixing supper and within that, I also play out in my mind how much time each task will take before I’m done for the day and how long before I can get comfortable and do what I want to do such as watch tv or a movie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically imagine myself finishing my daily tasks just so I can sit and zone out watching tv or a movie and within that never taking self-responsibility and considering how in doing so I am being manipulated and controlled by my mind as well as continuing to support the nonsense which keeps us enslaved as consciousness through television and movies just to name a few.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve the lie that I can only be happy, relaxed and comfortable when I’m finished with my daily writing/self-forgiveness/DIP assignment, and thus I must hurry up and get done – when the fact is, when I slooooow myself down and breathe, I realize that my daily writing/self-forgiveness and/or my DIP assignment is self-fulfilling in a way that nothing else can compare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how programmed I am in believing that I have some form of control over myself, when the fact is, I have always been programmed to think and behave and constantly seek to replace a negative experience of myself for a positive one, and within that never actually taking self-responsibility in any way whatsoever for who I am and for what I accept and allow because I’m always to busy chasing after energetic polarities of positive and negative.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and imagine myself as having a positive experience over having what I perceive is a negative experience, I stop, I breathe – Instead, I direct myself to slow myself down and breathe and to realize that as i continue to walk this point through in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in and as the physical, that I will begin to change and redesign who I am as one who is walking this life as a living example of what it is to take self-responsibility for myself and my world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I am when I imagine scenarios within my mind where I distract myself to believe that I don’t have time, that I must hurry and ‘get it done’ so that then I can be comfortable, because I see, realize and understand that being comfortable within the idea of needing to hurry is a perception of and as my mind as consciousness, rooted in self-interest and that ultimately, all I’m ever actually doing is repeating the same cycles of myself over and over going from a negative to a positive experience and never actually reaching a point of physical comfort.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated and directed by me as my mind as consciousness and to instead direct myself as my mind to commit myself to writing, self-forgiveness. self-corrective application and completing my DIP assignments because I see, realize and understand how the application of each one supports me to trust myself for the first time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am always trading comfortability over self-responsibility and within that never stopping to consider how egotistical it is to exist where I am always motivated through self-interest and greed because my idea of being comfortable requires money to purchase the things that I have accepted and allowed to make me ‘feel’ comfortable: such as food, the internet, movie rentals and/or comfortable furnishings.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself activating the ‘just get it done’ character, where in my imagination I play out scenarios that lead me to my mind’s idea of comfort, I stop, I breathe – I direct myself to remain here with myself and complete what needs to be done in my immediate physical reality, to direct/will myself to stop participating and continue with writing/self-forgiveness/my assignment in realizing that I am giving to myself the opportunity to change myself from the inside out and thus assist in changing our world to one according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself where I compromise myself and my responsibilities to myself and my world because I give in to energetic experiences and allow my imagination to get the better of me – instead of breathing and practically getting things done that I see, realize and understand in self-honesty is required of me in order to assist and support myself to stop the vicious cycles of self-abuse and abuse unto life itself.

I commit myself to STOP abusing myself through self-sabotage where I accept and allow myself to give in and participate in my imagination of wanting, seeking and desiring to have a positive energetic experience.

I commit myself to stop placing want, need, desire and energy before taking self-responsibility for who I am living within me and my world.

In my next blog I will continue with investigating the Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension of the ‘Just get it done’ character

Day 179: Just get it done

I did it again.  I get in a hurry when I’m writing and become this ‘Just get it done’ Character.  Weird.  I wanna hurry up and get done with me??   In doing so, I jump to conclusions while investigating myself and within that I miss specific points and leave myself feeling incomplete and uncommitted.  Which is how I create stupidity loops for myself. I stop, I breathe. Here, I begin again as I investigate the dimensions of the ‘Just get it done’ character.

Fear Dimension:
I fear:
Not having enough time

I’m missing out on doing something ‘more fun’

I’m not good enough to see all the points for myself

that what I write will be rejected by others

asking for assistance because I don’t want to be a burden to others

discipline and structuring of self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don’t have time to be thorough when I am writing and facing who I am and,  I see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to hurry that I then jump to conclusions with regards to a point that I’m walking and that in doing so I am neglecting everything about about myself and any and all commitments that I have made to/for myself and to/for and in support of life itself.

When and as I’m writing and taking time for me and I begin to experience myself as wanting to hurry up and get it done, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is a character of and as my mind that I long ago as a child accepted and allowed myself to be, and in doing so I’ve never actually taken the time to develop self-intimacy or self-honesty within and as myself. Thus I commit myself to develop self-intimacy with myself through giving to me the gift of seeing who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurry and want to be done with myself, where I then jump to a conclusion and then overlook important points of self to forgive of/as the characters and personalities of and as my mind and I see how within those moments where I hurry that I am existing in fear that I am missing out on doing something that is ‘more fun’ when the fact is, the fear itself is a negative energy experience that I’m wanting to escape from.

When I’m writing and/or doing assignments and as I see myself becoming in a hurry to just get it done because me as my mind has come to a conclusion  – within the desire that there must be something ‘more fun’ to do, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am attempting to distract myself through avoiding my own perception of having a negative energy experience, thus I get in a hurry because I’m wanting to have a positive energy experience – one that I can use to distract myself from facing myself and taking self-responsibility for who I am as my mind as consciousness and for the part that I play in how our world/money system currently exist, therefore, I commit myself to slow down and breathe and stop accepting and allowing myself to be distracted by the desire to have a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I’m not capable of applying myself effectively in order to disembody and forgive the characters and personalities of and as me as my mind.

I commit myself to show myself through breathing and self-forgiveness that I am capable of trusting myself in self-honesty to redesign and realign myself with life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear that what I write will be rejected by others that what I’m really doing is using self-judgment as a means of self-sabotage and self-rejection.

When and as I see myself in fear of rejection from others, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that what I fear from others is what I exist as in fear of and as self. Thus, I commit myself to re-establish and re-dedicate myself to walking the Journey to Life, the process of self-forgiveness and self-honesty – to stand up for and as a world where abuse unto all living beings is stopped and forgiven, where all living beings are supported through an Equal Money system so that life will stop being survived and instead, we begin living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear asking for assistance because I don’t want to be seen as a burden to others – that when I do that it’s actually a way that I manipulate myself to feel sorry for myself and within that I justify what I’ve accepted and allowed which keeps me avoiding me, keeps me from giving myself the time of day so to speak,  because I’ve not seen myself as worthy of my own time to investigate who I am within the madness that exists here on earth.

I commit myself to breathe and stop accepting and allowing myself to justify and manipulate myself, to instead direct myself to walk the points I’m facing through in self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the discipline and structuring that the process of self-forgiveness gives to self, because when me as my mind as the consciousness structure that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed as becomes threatened, I experience myself as wanting to run away, thus I stop, I breathe.

I commit myself to continue to investigate and forgive who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed and have been directed as as my mind of/as consciousness, to thus assist myself to stand up in support of an Equal Money System so that each one here on earth my be provided for, to relieve the stress of trying to survive and thus give way for individual self-realizations to ultimately bring about a world that’s best for all.

Thought Dimension

The thought I have as a character of and as my mind who just wants to get it done is one where I see myself with my chin up and my shoulders slumped – just like when I was a child.  Where I would become irritated when I didn’t get my way to do what I wanted to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as a picture/image to emerge from within my conscious mind where I am once again looking at the point of becoming irritated as a child when I didn’t get my way for one reason or another, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the bottom line is/has always been that i felt like I was misunderstood and taken for granted and abused, first by my parents, but always blaming someone for the negative experiences I would have of myself – where never once within all the time I spent feeling sorry for myself within my mind did I consider that ‘the problem’ as I saw it, was/is Not ‘out there’, but was/is within and as me – in that I’ve never taken complete responsibility for me, for the thoughts and feelings and emotions that I have participated within and as and for the energetic highs and lows I sought after – as well as for the part I play in manifesting how and why our world/money system currently exists as the hell that it is.

When and as I see myself existing as a character of and as my mind where I desire to hurry and just get done  – specifically my writing and self-forgiveness – where I become aware of the thought as a picture/image of myself as a child where I’m irritated with my chin up and shoulders slumped, I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to give the moment to myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing to hurry up and be done with, that I am always here with the ability to know myself intimately, thus, I commit myself to forgive myself for rushing past myself so that I could go after an energetic high that I believed would make me feel better, when the fact is it never did, thus, I see, realize and understand the importance of facing me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to when and as I see this thought manifesting in my mind when I’m facing a moment of self-discipline and self-responsibility within the context of writing, self-forgiveness and completing an assignment, I stop, I breathe – I stop all participation in and as the thought and I direct myself to continue as I speak the words as who I am as “I am capable of getting this done”, as I physically move myself to complete my writing/self-forgiveness/assignment.

I commit myself to stop following after an energetic experience of myself as a way of avoiding facing myself and becoming self-responsible for who I am as the actions of/as me and for what I have been willing to accept and allow to exist within and as our world/money system.

I commit myself to getting to know who I am in self-honesty and self-intimately.

In my next blog I will continue with investigating the Imagination Dimension of the ‘Just get it done’ character

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

Day 141: Making sense out of a system that doesn’t make sense

Along with pain and not physically feeling well from my recent dental appointments, which are still ongoing. I wasn’t prepared to be catapulted into the jaws of our current money system. Where every day this past week, it’s like I’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system that couldn’t care less if I survive it or if I end up on the side of the road bleeding to death. What I’ve realized, is that Money still has the power to change me, and, I realize that I am responsible for the power that I have given to a money system that supports abuse and profit over the life of those living within it. As a way of protecting myself, ‘as my mind’, I see how I’ve become nonchalant in my attitude – another character I’ve become to protect myself from myself. Thus, the following Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of/as my mind who is nonchalant towards others and their Quest to survive because I got lost once again in my own self-interest within energetic wants, needs and desires within a money system that is anything but forgiving and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as willing to stand up for all living beings when in fact I’ve only begun to understand what standing up for and as All living beings really means in terms of what I must be willing to give up and stop as who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed in order to actually have an impact on bringing about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hardened and uncaring as a way of giving myself a false sense of perceiving myself as protected within a money system that thrives on taking instead of giving, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and stop fearing the future and to remain here in this moment and face who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nonchalant toward the fears of others in their attempt to make sense of what we have All accepted and allowed within our world, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as fear and to direct myself to do unto others as I would like done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to the energy I receive according to how much money I have and for how I have incorporated that as who I am within how I move myself as my physical body and within my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make sense within a world/money system that doesn’t make sense within all the abuse it exists as, thus, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to slow down and face who I am within all that is here, to thus, assist and support a system which will support all life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed, and supported a world/money system that generates fear and stress in our day to day living where living isn’t living at all really only struggling to just survive, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money day to day living will be enjoyable and stress free because everyone’s day to day necessities will be given to everybody equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that must be made in order to change our world to one that is supportive of and as all living beings, thus, I commit myself to show how it makes more sense to ensure that all living beings are provided for with Equal Money – than to continue to allow a world/money system where people are constantly competing with each other to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that sees value in people according to how much money they have/make, and for how I’ve ignored the depth of daily stress being lived by those who have little to no money to provide for themselves, thus, I commit myself to never stop supporting an Equal Money System because I see, realize and understand how with Equal Money we will manifest Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how every day thousands of people have absolutely nothing and starve to death while others have more than they could possibly use in a one lifetime therefore, I commit myself to show how only the best and most nutritious food will exist with an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things are going my way and I have money in my pocket then I don’t stop to consider how others are experiencing themselves as fearful and stressed out from not knowing how they will survive from one minute to the next, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money, people will stop manipulating and stealing because with Equal Money people will begin to understand the nature of themselves and thus will begin to forgive and correct themselves and begin to assist and support each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that is driven to only support itself through the ways and means of abuse of and as a Capitalistic system, thus, I commit myself to show how we will bring an end to Capitalism through manifesting Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

Day 129: Money System Shows No Mercy

Walking the Self-forgiveness here for how I experienced myself today within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system which supports us in finding new ways to hurt each other which is what we’re good at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘less than’ the woman sitting behind a desk at the dental office where I was making an appointment when I /she realized that I didn’t have the’ exact’ amount of money to pay as a deposit for the major dental work that I am needing.


I forgive myself for not realizing how I belittle myself in/as fear when I don’t have enough money for that which my physical body requires in order for it to function properly.

I forgive myself for not realizing how it only takes seconds for me to play out different scenarios within my mind with regards to how and what to say in order to manipulate/persuade someone into seeing things my way.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I react and interact within my physical reality with other human beings, where within my mind, I immediately scan, assess, compare, compete and contemplate how can I win over the person I’m communicating with in order to acheive the end result I’m seeking for, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the point where I stop having a physical reality relationship with another and instead begin having only a mind relationship with as/them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change the tone of my voice when talking to another to one that will create an illusion of myself as being helpless and hopeless in order to prove my point of need.

I forgive myself for not realizing how we manifest and create a world/money system that we constantly support within the context of how we exist within our relationships with each other through our mind as consciousness – instead of who we are in total support of and as each other through and as our physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself for not realizing that within our current world/money system we see each other as numbers and our number is dependent upon the amount of money we have in our pocket/bank account.

I forgive myself for the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach in realizing the seriousness of our world/money system where people are paying monthly premiums for health and dental insurance yet can’t afford to pay the deductible and/or the pre-payment to cover what their insurance won’t pay.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards our world/money system that labels people as argumentative and insensitive when one questions the policies, procedures and rules of a system that shows No Mercy except for the minority who have All the money, while the Majority of Us, have settled for remaining slaves to the very Money System that CANNOT exist without OUR CONTINUED SUPPORT.

I forgive myself for not realizing how we are completely at the Mercy of our word/money system where we are locked into a reality of money within a mind-reality supported in/as energy and as that, we have No consideration or regard for each other and/or for our existence as a whole.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from our current world/money system in realizing that I am equal to and one with how and what exists here, thus, it is my responsibility to show how the Solution of Equal Money will be that which will end who we are as slaves and thus stop that which what we have resisted in separation of as Life itself.

I commit myself to support a solution that will end all suffering and abuse and thus create relationships that are supportive of who we are as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to communicate with me as my physical body, to thus support our physical reality in assuring that life on earth become that which supports the physicality of every living being with the utmost support possible.

I commit myself to show how humanity is a slave to and as consciousness where we’ve accepted and allowed our mind to direct us and have thus not yet realized that we have manifested Hell on Earth and how with Equal Money we are able to support All living beings to live life in dignity.

I commit myself to show how our current world/money system does not have to continue as it is where the majority are slaves to the few who have everything, to thus show how through the Peaceful Solution of Equal Money we Can/Will manifest Heaven on Earth.