Tag Archive | teenager

Day 139: DIY Self-Commitment

For Context Please Read: Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up – –

I commit myself to Stop the fear of aging and the fear of death and I commit myself to prove to myself what I’ve already begun to realize in that, who I am, is determined within every moment of breath.

I commit myself to show that growing up is Not something that should be easy or hard or compromising self in any way, nor is growing up about holding on to things that were, or wondering about what’s to come, instead growing up is about investigating the perceptions within and as our mind that we’ve spent our entire lives in fear of, thus, I commit myself to show that life is not about living like we are dying and then manifesting it as so – NO – Life is a Journey of forgiving and directing ourself in self-honesty in realizing that we do NOT have to fear ourself as our Mind or each other, and, we don’t have to fear getting older and/or hating each other and, we can Stop our fear of dying without having actually known who we are as Life,,,thus, We Breathe, and we Forgive Ourself for who we believed ourselves to be as our Mind of/as CONSCIOUSNESS, and We Direct who we are as Life Living what it is to Give to All as we’d like to Receive.

I commit myself to stop existing within polarity equations of positive/negative, right/wrong, happy/sad and/or pretty/ugly, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so I am actually abdicating myself from life through living in fear of me as my mind as thoughts and through participating in and as them fueling emotions, feelings and fear, therefore, I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty and through self-corrective application, stop participation of/as thoughts, and instead, Breathe and Walk.

Furthermore, I commit myself to redefine who I am as self-responsibility as I walk breath by breath becoming a living application of responsibility, where through self-forgiveness, I gift myself the ability to consider what life will become when as a GROUP, we come together to support a World according to what’s best for All – to bring an end to fear and the constant struggle to survive within our current world/money system, to thus, together show ourselves how in Giving to all that which we each require as the basic necessities for life, we realize ourselves as living expressions of and as what is to Stand accountable and responsible for and as All living beings.

Do It Your Self-Commitment


Stand Up for and as All Life – Support a World/Money System that will support All Life Equally.

Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define aging with ‘growing up’ and accepting myself as someone I’ve never wanted to be because all the grown-ups I’ve ever known who grew older became saggy, scary, grumpy and settled in as being sad, lonely and dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up, getting old and losing all of my teeth, because within my mind I have believed in the perception that loosing one’s teeth makes a woman ugly, old and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up because that meant being responsible and the only example of responsibility I was familiar with meant worrying about not having enough money and working oneself to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I feared growing up because I feared getting old, wrinkly and invisible and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how according to a picture as a thought within my mind growing old and aging looks like a small toothless woman whose eyes are sad and face is sunken in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have defined myself according to a picture presentation of myself looking the same as I did when I was in my twenties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my fear of growing old I have spent my life fighting for the right to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is only about me and my happiness to such a degree that I’ve never considered what Life Really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was younger I lived my life according to the energetic high I got off on in how men would react to/toward me, in how I received attention from them and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune to growing old, to aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear growing old because I fear death of me as my physical body.

to be continued…

Day 73: Queen of my Castle

The character of ‘self grandeur’ was one of the first character’s as a child that I participated in.  This particular character began when I first heard the story of Rapunzel.  I related to Rapunzel in how when she reached her twelfth birthday,  her mother shut her away in a tower in the middle of the woods, with neither stairs nor a door, only one room and one window.   My mother of course never shut me away in a room, No!   It was all my doing, as a child, I secluded myself from the reality that existed within the structure of my family, and instead,  I got lost in my imagination beLIEving that someday, someone was going to come and save me from what I realize now,  was my own self-absorbed story of self sabotage.

As I got older the story in my head evolved to one where within my mind, I secretly had thoughts that I was really a ‘ Queen’ from some far off place and I was being controlled by an unjust world/money system, and the unjust system failed to recognize me as being the Queen that I dreamed I was.

So like Rapunzel, I was trapped in my own castle waiting to be rescued/swept away by the ‘love’ of my life where we would then both ‘save the world’.

I quietly maintained this particular mind possession  for many years and so the illusion of it all within my head became carefully orchestrated.  Within my secret mind,  I was aware of the uselessness to my role playing,  but I still participated, and I eventually justified the illusion as being a deserved break from the reality I felt controlled by and stuck within.

I had thoughts of how life here on Earth must be some sort of sordid joke or at the very least a bad nightmare that would surely end.

The first time I remember questioning the illusion I played around in within myself, was when I was 36 and, had just started a job for a huge hotel chain. What intrigued me about working there was that the structure and decor of the inside of the hotel, fit perfectly with the image in my mind of how my castle if I had one would exist. There it was, my place of self grandeur.

 The problem was, I hated my actual job because I worked in customer service, listening to complaints all day long, sitting in a very small dark office area that was upstairs, far away from the extraordinary fancy hotel lobby. My pay was minimal, but at least I had my 30 minute lunch breaks. Every day, I would sit in the lobby looking at the beauty of the lighting and the sculptures, breathing in the new carpet and the new furniture smell as I escaped into my secret mind of thoughts about how someday, whoever ‘I really am’, will be found out.  All will be revealed and I will be whisked away with the love of my life to my castle awaiting me.

At some point sitting there I realized how I had been running from facing the reality of who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed. What really changed things for me was when I began applying self-forgiveness.

More and more everyday I’m realizing how fucked up this world is in how we forsake our self-responsibility to our world while we hide in our beliefs of self-grandeur,  ‘hoping’ for a better world.  Thing is, life within this world is growing more and more difficult for the majority of humanity.

As consciousness mind systems, we give in to accepting and allowing our world to continue this path, which, for the few that have more than enough money, the world seems to be a great place.   Yet the reality is, we’ve created quite a mess within our world because death and despair is everywhere.

So, here we are, we are stuck in and as our own world of self acceptance, allowing consciousness to direct us in accepting and allowing hell on earth.

to be continued with self-forgiveness in Day 74

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand where and how I from the beginning internally and externally created this MORENESS – within the context of in and as that moment I as substance/existence manifested the question as Me: “there must be more than HERE, there must be more than ME, as HERE”, which in that moment manifested me into and as MORE me’s (“there must be more than ME, Here”) as the manifested-singularities and within and as the MORE me’s externally – manifested the MORE EXPERIENCE of me within and as myself as Energy (“there must be more than HERE). Not seeing/realising/understanding that for the MORE of ME to exist Structurally as the manifested-singularities I was in fact SEPARATING myself as substance/existence of and as equality and oneness into and as an ILLUSION of MORENESS as all the me’s of manifested-singularities came to manifest in existence. Because all of what I created is STILL ME, but in and as SEPARATION, innumerable amounts of SEPARATE PARTS manifested together in ONE EXISTENCE creating an ILLUSION of moreness; because it is/never has been MORE, it’s always still been me in separation from and of myself, HERE.” ~ Sunette Spies From: Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

For further context Read:

Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Day 44: The Character game